MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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I posted the following in a different thread, then realized I wanted to share my thoughts here as well. So just skip it if you've read it before!
I tried an experiment today. Standing next to the bathroom counter, I pushed down with my hands and tried to lift my weight up off the floor. My left side felt strong and competent; my right side (the UMX side) said NO. My damn pectoral muscles were cut, don't I know that? But still I tried, wanted to test my strength. I used to be strong, ya know? So I tried it. Again. A third time. By then I was in tears, the disappointment of my body failing me worse than the pain in my chest and shoulder. But I had to try it, I HAD to.
I think I remember the PS saying my strength would never really be the same as it used to be, but I think I chose to ignore that. I wasn't always strong, nor physically fit. I grew up a last-picked kid in gym class, then once I was out of college I remade myself. I learned how to lift weights, how to breathe while running, how to be an athlete... well at least the best version of an athlete that my body would allow. And now? Well, I've had injuries and surgeries before, and I got strong again. But this time, I'm not sure... I guess I'll have to do the experiment again in a few weeks.
Thanks for listening, ladies. I just needed to get that off my chest (ha!).
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Kitty sending you a great big (gentle) hug
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eli, good point on the tamox and benedryl interaction. i'm not there yet, so i wasn't aware of that.0
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orangemat - I didn't have nearly the extent of surgery that you had but I have found that I can't throw. I'm out trying to throw the ball for the puppy and it just flops off my hand and goes practically nowhere. Now, I was never a good throw, but this is pitiful!
Today I treated myself to new bras! For the longest time I didn't know if I was having MX or not, chemo or not, etc. etc. and just didn't want to deal with it. But my Mammosite cath site has been slow to heal and the old bra has an underwire that passes right over the incision, so it stays sore. So, found some new ones with no wire but still have lift. Ahhhhh..... relief at last.
kitty - hope things are looking up for you.
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Eli, Barbe and Marthah: Thank you so much for the suggestions. I am totally going to do the towel thing tonight...that sounds brilliant. I also have this terrible fear of running outside at night if there is a fire while I sleep ( not sure why) so I can't bring myself to do the nude thing...but underwear and a tank are sounding good. I will look for the chillow (sounds funny) and I just had my DH dig the fan out. Hopefully tonight will be a better night and if not, my family can just wear lots of sweaters and things over the next couple of weeks. You ladies are the best!
Kitty: So get the feeling down issue. Thankfully everyone is always supportive and understanding so vent away. Warm hugs and thoughts coming at you.
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Hi everyone. Wow. I was SO FAR BEHIND on posts. Just got back from two trips. One fantastic getaway (blues cruise on the Holland America ship Zaandam), the other trip mostly boring and crappy (convention and managers meeting). I even had my birthday during meetings. Bummer. Did have two fun days in Vegas and saw the ventriloquist Terry Fator, the musical Jersey Boys, and the Gospel Brunch at the House of Blues. So, now it's back to work and boy am I tired. Anyway, I'm so far behind that I'll just have to say congrats to those who are celebrating, hugs to those who are sad, good luck to those who are expecting news, and thanks to everyone for all your information and inspiration.
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Just a little something for everybody to have a good laugh over. Or, roll their eyes at.
When I was much younger, when my girls were little & stayed with a sitter, my cousin, myself & our DH's would go over to Michigan State University after the college kids went home after spring term & we would go through the dumpsters on campus. Yep, you read right.
It was fun! You would not believe the good stuff they throw away! Great lamps, filing cabinets, dishes, alarm clocks, sweatshirts, pens, tablets, books.... it was amazing. We wore cruddy clothes & shoes, packed a lunch (yes, we had sanitary wipes to wash with!) & then went back for more. We'd spend hours doing that and we were not the only ones. My DH & I would stay overnight at my cousin's house & do the same thing on Sunday. We always went home with lots of good loot!!!!!
Oh, the crazy things we did when we were young ........
E ~~ Good news on your MO visit.
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jo1955
I have the exact same appointment on Dec19...Merry Christmas to us!:)
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Valjean I woulda been right there with ya. No point in letting the good stuff go to the dump. Yes its crazy what they throw away. But now heres the really sad part, I would so do it still. I am a junker at heart. I love it.
My chemopause was not to bad. The Tammo is what put me over the edge. I even take Effexer and it does help. Some days they arent to bad, but other days they are a nightmare even with it. I dont have the night sweats as bad as I use to so thats a bonus. I know they can be a bugger.
I did go ahead and use ambien for a sleep aid. I found that when I woke up drenched in sweat and was so hot that I couldnt get back to sleep it helpped me get back to sleep. Normaly if I sleep for just a short while its like a nap then I was up for hours so this helps that. Just make for sure you take it and do give yourself plenty of time to sleep it off. I found this out the hard way too.
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LWarstler, Just wanted you to know you're not alone. I'm post-menopausal but had been taking Hormone Replacement Therapy drugs for more than a decade. Then I find out I have estrogen- and progesterone-positive breast cancer, so I have to stop taking the HRT cold turkey. I'm now having vicious hot flashes, far worse than I had when going through menopause. I'll take some of the other ladies' suggestions, too.
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Janis, how you come out of your exam today clean as a whistle!! And no pesky little polyps either!! I know you will be hungry when you are done. The question is breakfast or lunch?
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I saw my BSO yesterday she checked my scarline and oficially discharged me.
Hope i never have to see any surgeon again. 0 -
Esther, I had a modified mast on one side and a simple mast on the other. Why did they have to cut your pecs? I feel for you, sweetie. It's so hard when our bodies fail us!! Good thing you don't HAVE to lift yourself off the bathroom counter each day.....
Congrats mum! One down....
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Claire....right on top of things as always! I don't eat eggs...but blueberry pancakes with bacon and tons of real butter..oh yeah!
Had a bad night last night. The Gatorade Cocktail came right back out, only not the right way! I can now define "projectile vomiting". I was so so sick...ugh. Thinking I am cleaned out top to bottom now!
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walley - My MO appt is at 8:30 in the morning - what time is yours? There is also someone else having the same appt day. Sounds like there will be multiple pocket parties that day. Yes, Merry Christmas to us!!
Claire - The food looks yummy! I can see the burger on the lunch menu for me today.
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orangey, That side may never be the same as the other, but I think you may be able to get some PT for the remaining muscle still attached. I think it will take a long time but the muscle eventually will learn to compensate and you will become more balanced again. (Know a guy who had chainsaw slice his deltoid. Some years later, there was no longer a big difference in muscle size or shape.)
No one's surprised I hang around with chainsaw weilding people, right?
Valjean, I love your first person confessional. There is no shame. You were ahead of your time, on the cutting edge of recycling. What a forward thinking young lady you were!
Note: Remember dumpster diving is a "gateway activity" that may lead to hoarding. Beware.
mum, Yay! Guess you could say your BS cut you loose. (groan...)
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JustmeJanis, I hope you get through your 'scope today with clean results. I had colon cancer a decade ago and, after that, had to have a colonoscopy EVERY YEAR for the first five years. I got so I would gag just thinking about that awful salty "Gatorade cocktail." I could not get it down. Finally, the doctor agreed to let me "clean myself out" with pills that I had to take every 30 minutes. They were large, so I had to cut them in half. Results: I had to take something like 54 pills in an hour. But, believe me, it was better than drinking that awful liquid.
Good luck, and let us know how things turned out.
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I know there are a few of you out there that actually have a good looking doctor on your B/C team, and I never got that lucky. I have had Dr. Soccer Dad, Dr. Serious, Dr. Squirrely, and Dr. Snowy White. All very nice. My PCP is Dr. Jock, and my dermatologist was Dr. Frat Boy. Very personable.
Dr. Frat Boy has very limited office hours now as he is doing additional study, so I got referred to his buddy, Dr. Hotness. Finally! A match made in doctor-patient heaven. He seems confident and experienced, but even if he is just average at doctoring, it's not like he is my heart surgeon. As long as he is reasonably competent we can grow old together. Me a little sooner than him.
Dr. Hottie looks like a young Martin Donovan.
He's the kind of doctor you would let give you a costly skin rejuvenation treatment just for the sole purpose to look young enough to cougar him and not look too ridiculous.
janis, There's no way your appt. today could have been as delightful as mine was, but I hope yours went o.k. and you had a lunch date lined up too.
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eli,
you crack me up! thanks for the giggle!
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Elimar, if you don't write you should.
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I made it through the colonoscopy just fine, not even a polyp! We don't have overhead lighting in our bedroom, and just have a dull small lamp. Dressing in the dark didn't work so well. I just started to set foot in the hospital doors when I noticed I had two different shoes on! Two very different tennis shoes, not even close! Yikes! Good thing my DH remembered I always keep a spare pair of old tennie shoes in the car trunk. We had planned to go to the store afterward and breakfast....wanted to match!
Anyway everything was good, thanks all for being there as always!
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Great news!
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Yay Janis!
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good for you, janis! whew! now that's over. YAY!!0
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WOO HOO! Janis - glad you made it through okay.
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Yay Janis!! I imagine you're happy that's over!
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Had the appointment with the cardiologist this morning. She seems very knowledgable. Said they see this a lot with herceptin or AC, but it is usually with people with high blood pressure or other cardiac problems before chemo, neither of which are me. Said they like seeing someone with high blood pressure because it's something they can go after. Also said 80% of the time heart goes back to per chemo condition. I am going to skip the next herceptin and try taking a low dose beta blocker o help take pressure off the heart, then get another echo 5 weeks from now and take herceptin again if my heart is okay. I feel comfortable and confident with it, but right now am dog tired, not sure if that is from the beta blocker or not. Hitting yhe sack.
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Yea Janis I hope your feeling better and you got yourself a victory dinner for it.
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I'm way behind on posts. Just skimmed through. I can't really remember who's doing what or got what news, but I wish everyone well. Will be at all the pocket parties. I'll bring frosted italian cookies. I just made 12 dozen cookied. I frosted a few. The rest are for an engagement party Saturday and well wrapped and frozen for Christmas gift giving.
Kay, I did read the posts about your heart. It l looks like you have a good cardiologist. I'm praying for good echo results for you next time. Hang in there, surgery sister.
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Kay...I am glad to hear you are in good hands with the cardiologist. It has to be so frustrating but hopefully you will get your energy back soon. Hugs sweet lady!!
Paula I got a victory breakfast out! Sure tasted great!
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