Texas
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Cheri- I hope that you arrive in Texas soon ((((( hugs )))))
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Cheri- you're hurting bad right now, understandably so....but in your heart of hearts you know that absolutely nobody on this planet has a perfect life. Not him, not her, not anyone. It just seems that way because of the irony. When we are in that *pit* of despair, everyone else seems to have it all...When you get past this, and you will, the sun will finally cast some light out...reach your soul and then you will find your way to the next great chapter of your life.
Big hugs
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Cheri,
It is desperately lonely when we find ourselves in a crisis and the people or person we thought would be there for us are/is not. When my brother was killed in an auto accident in 97 i had a lot of friends exodus. I told my therapist and she said, "here. Here's a list of reasons people avoid the bereaved". I said, "there's an effing list?" Through the experience I learned that my God provided me with the perfect support system. It was not who I would have predicted it would be. And it was like a quilt made of old new and passing through people, sometimes just for 10 minutes waiting in a line an angel would appear and get me through that 10 minutes.
I learned to trust in it. Here i am a week post surgery with lots offn well wishers. But life will go on quickly and soon my "regulars" will emerge. I try to remember they'll be there but "who" they'll be remains a mystery. I am sure thats more info than you wanted Cheri but thank you so much for bringing up that topic. I think i needed to hear myself say tbis.0 -
Hi ya'll! Just found this thread! I live in Houston near the Galleria. Hope everyone is enjoying the day!
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Kim glad you found us here
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Thought I'd check in and get to know everyone. I'm in Houston in the Rice U/West U area of town. Getting ready for my UMX w/o recon on Wednesday!!!!!!
Sending positive thoughts and hugs to all!!!
Melanie
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We meet in two forums Mel. Maybe we will meet in person eventually. I am in Arlington. I witll follow your progress.0
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Stacie--- Yahooo--- we are definitely soul sisters for sure!!!!! I will follow your progress too.... We have all travelled so far in such a short time. Hope your day is a good one!!!
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Cheri, please think of your life as a beautiful canvas painted with the most remarkable colors, all swirled with graceful movement. Some times in our lives we can only see a little bitty piece of that canvas, and the color you see may be very dark. Just know that all the beautiful colors surround it and when you get a chance to take a breath and step back you will see your canvas painted just for you, and the dark spots merge with other colors and disappear into the canvas.
You are working through one of those moments right now.
Work through this as you are doing, remember all the lovely attributes you have. I was just watching the movie my life in ruins, and a lady asks, why did my boyfriend cheat on me? and the answer was, he only cheated himself from being with you.
After a nine year marriage I can tell you stories about cheaters....and my naivety....I spent 11 years on that one. He would have never been able to handle my dx, he would have had to make it all about him. I couldn't tell in 1998 why I was getting divorced, but I know now.
I will look into the churches for you. We have a bunch with a lot of different music types.
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Cheri: I'm glad you shared and I understand. Walking through difficult times forces us to step back, think and experience some hard things. How we choose to respond makes the difference. Your faith and your willingness to share speak volumes. You are a strong woman and you will come out on the other side more resilient and with more understanding. He does not have a perfect life nor does she...his lying and cheating will follow them and the depth of their life together will be defined by that. I know, in the midst of the hurting and pain that might not be too much of a comfort but if you can go through this and glean some truth and allow this difficulty to teach you, you will be so much better off. Just remember, that his lying and cheating will catch up with him and it was about him, not you! Hugs and prayers for God's comforting presence and love to surround you :-)
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Gina was a lovely picture image you painted.
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I don't know how far along you guys are in your treatment, but I went to a wonderful wig shop today in Houston. The wigs were great and they have buy 2 get one free. It is called Billie Jeans Wigs on Shepherd. THey were so nice there!
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Sherry,
I agree....great word picture Gina.
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Oh, ononvacation, I drive by there all the tie. The taco place next door is really yummy!
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Gina- i totally love that painting... it reminds me of that movie with robin williams what dreams may come....
I am gonna look into that movie- great answer i never thought of it that way- yes great answer HE cheated himself from being with YOU!
I wanna get hopin and popin on a trip up to SA! Well tech i am going camping in canyon lake this weekend cuz the kids have spring break LOL but i mean i wanna get together with y'all!!!
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morning all...I have a serious case of spring fever....so glad more Texas sistahs have found their way here and a couple of you are in my neck of the woods...in addition to the San Antonio meetup we have to have a small one here in Houston - even if for just a good cup of coffee or grabbing a Saturday lunch at NikoNiko's
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Love NikoNiko's!
Wild flowers are popping! Saw lots of pretty ones when I drove back from Houston on Monday. Another sure sign of Spring around here is that every outdoor surface is turning green from all of the tree pollen.
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Good morning ladies. Recent transplant from the great State of Alabama. Moved to Denton, north of Dallas, in September.....diagnosed with BC end of Nov. Considered moving back home for treatment since my support system here consists of just the BF (he's been great), but I really like my cancer team here so decided to stick it out.
I hopped up on steroids (chemo #2 today) so excuse any typos or windy posts.
@Cheri: I agree with the ladies here and I know it's easy for us on the outside looking in to say this, but it will get better. Removing the negative from your life and stressors is the best thing you can do for yourself. I'm praying things get better you and you get to Texas sooner rather than later.
It's hot and humid already!!! At least I don't have to worry about a bad hair day. Hair?? What's that???
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welcome 1openheart and melly so glad you gals found us here.
Texasrose have fun with those cuties of yours at Canyon Lake. The weather has been so nice, warm days, cool nights.
Has anyone seen the bluebonnets blooming. Not many of them since the drought but the ones that survided are so pretty.
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I've noticed the bluebonnets along Highway 288 on my way to-from work over the last week or so. Seems so weird to have them before the azaelas are in full bloom!
@annettek - I was just thinking about NikoNikos . . . yum.
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Hey Melly...welcome! I'm in the Dallas area ( actually all my dr's for this are in Denton!). I have seen a few folks on here from the metroplex...would love to try to meet? I'm also up for traveling to another city for a get together like the one Jo mentioned but of course depends on day and time!
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Sherryc, I saw Bluebonnets last week right across from my office. They are so beautiful. My kids and their families are coming in on the 29th, one group from Colorado and one from Kentucky and I'm hoping the Bluebonnets are still really pretty so that we can find a pretty spot for familly pictures. Will be the first time I have had everyone together in 4 years. If any of y'all have seen a pretty spot near San Antonio, let me know. Hope everyone is having a good day. - Julie
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There is a website for sitings that is excellent. Go to http://lnstar.com/wildflowers/sightings.htm.
I go south from Arlington TX annually to see the flowers. I almost to Fredericksburg, take the Willow City Loop, go on to Fredericksburg, stop in at Luchenbach then on to Austin and north to home.
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Stacie that is a pretty drive
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Ohhh, the bluebonnets.....now I know I was a kid in Texas :-) I do remember those.
Ladies, thank you, each and every one of you. I have been off the boards a few days. Just in a bad funk from finding out what I did. This guy according to two psychologists I have seen is probably undiagnosed borderline personality disorder - he also fits criteria over 90% of that, antisocial, and narcissitic personality disorders. He has issues from childhood, inapprorpriate affair with a teacher in high school, always has had multiple affairs, married the first time in 2005 "b/c she was the funniest girl I knew" and was separated within a year, was enagaged again and had a panic attack leaving that one before getting married, vowed he would rather die then ever get married again, and boom......3rd girl he's secretly involved with, he's engaged in 7 months. I don't get it.
But I keep getting told I never will and to accept that. THAT is what is hard. In our world 2+2=4 and in his world it's 5. My brain keeps telling me that, but my heart is still trying to make him see it's a 4. He needs help and he has never gotten it. And I was his friend much longer than we were involved, I was never his girlfriend....so it's hard to let him go as that friendship at least on MY end was there. But I keep getting told if he truly has these personality disorders, he has cut me, I'm dead to him, and he will never look back. I've never known anyone like this....I feel for anyone who has. My world has been turned upside down and into the twilight zone, and when I got the cancer diagnosis out of the blue along with this, I was like, "Really God? Come on!!!"
A friend also pointed out that had he stayed with me, even as just friends as we ended things, he would have "John Edwards's me." He would have made all sorts of promises to help and then bailed. Probably true. I know one of you made a similar statement on here (sorry, can't remember, long work day and I'm still in a brain mush mentally from all this).
Thank you so much to all of you for your kind and undertstanding words and relatable experiences. I really think a move back to Texas would be the best thing for me stress wise....I'm too hampered here due to his job in the public eye, and I agree with stress fueling the cancer....even my radiation onc and breast surgeon said the same thing - stress fueled this cancer growth. I've given up sugar so I need to give up him. I've put out an emergerncy "HELP" to my community choir and band and neighborhood email group if anyone knows of a good therapist. I have no one to speak with now and the few friends I do have are sick of hearing about him. I don't blame them. I'm sick of still crying over him and angry at myself for still doing so.
Thank you thank you thank you fellow Texas ladies.....I cannot wait to be back in the great Republic of Texas ;-)
Cheri
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Cherilynn - I have a family filled with mental illness - a dad, aunt, several cousins, a sister...and now my own daughter has bipolar. Within that there is also borderline for some. It's pretty wild. I will confirm that this has nothing to do with you, that there is simply no way to make sense to him. He does not own the ability to make 2+2=4, great example. As an adult I had to deal with some childhood stuff related to my dad. I was able to do that. Then, I had to deal with is on-going irregularity, which I actually found harder to deal with, since it continues. He is non med-compliant, narcissistic, with bipolar cycling. His ability to understand how much he hurts others is non-existent. He does not own it. Never will. I figure to have a relationship with him, it will have to be in heaven, since on this side of eternity he simply will never "get it."
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Cherilynn, How unfortunate for his new fiance, as well. She's in for a wild roller coaster ride, and she probably has no clue. Bad all around.
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Funny KC that you mentioned about heaven......I was told by a psychic, the one and only time I went to one last May before this all blew up (I did it as a science experiement with him, long story), and she said, "You're involved with a man.....you're like two peas in a pod. You care deeply for each other and mean the world to each other, but he's not "the one" nor are you....yet you're incredibly close in a very different way. You are his guardian angel on earth - is he aware of this?" I'm sitting there going, huh? It was interesting. She told me she read him through me (I never even brought him up, I was doing this to DISPROVE something to him), and she said "He's a good boy but in a lot of pain.....he has something from his past he has no idea about and it's affected every relationship to this day and always will. You are here to guide him out of that but not to be with him romantically." Then she starts telling me about people wanting to give me messages for HIM and she said "I think you're also his spirirual portal here on earth." Meanwhile I'm like, I'm standing here, anything for ME? LOL.
OK....so who the heck knows, right? I'm a practicing lifelong Catholic, but I'm also a science major and a sci-fi lover and believe in all sorts of things. Who am I to know what is and isn't? Interestingly she is also a practicing Catholic and goes to Mass weekly and said she has freaked out her priest on more than one occasion. But when I got the cancer diagnosis, I texted him for the first time since July (he never once got back with me, as much as I tried to reconcile in June/July), because I was scared and thinking, oh crap, maybe I'm going to die and then I'll be his REAL guardian angel. It just freaked me out. Then I was ok with it. Man it's weird all the crazy thoughts that hit you on the day you get diagnosed. Major rollercoaster ride as you all remember.
And I tried in my email back to his gf now fiance about him.....I wasn't going to email her back, but getting the cancer diagnosis changed that. I know his guilt - he lives with it from every bad relationship he has had. That's why he's not a true sociopath b/c he does have guilt and remorse, but his other mental disorders come in and cover that....wipes it to the background and boom, I never existed. Yet I know the guilt is there eating away, and I told her that the threat to her relationship with him (I did not know at that time they had just gotten engaged), is his guilt. It will eat at him and slowly it will turn on her. I told her I would talk with her if she wanted after I was done dealing with this but that I didn't know when that would be. She, nor he, never got back to me. She had quite a few things wrong in the email she sent me about him and I told her that, but she has chosen not to contact me any further.
Her downfall will be that she tweets everything, and I mean everything, to the world. She has a non locked feed which is how I found out how long they secretly knew each other and when they secretly started meeting and how much he was lying to me that day I left (when he said he called me over "to tell me everything.") Telling me "the whole truth" ended up being a huge lie. If she contacted me, I would willingly tell her everything. I still have emails of his from when they were meeting in secret where he flat out denies even knowing her. She has no idea. But she broadcasts every intimate detail of their lives for the world, and as a friend of mine put it, "That will be her downfall if she doesn't shut up. She has no idea what she's in for, you tried to tell her, and she's not going to go quietly." She's also an attorney, so she could really do some damage to him. I hate that. I don't want to see anyone get hurt. He needs help. I need help, She needs to know the truth. It's all so crazy at this point, I have to cut and be gone. Sad all around.
Wow, I'm sorry, I did not mean to turn this thread in to Psych 101! But I appreciate all the insights. KC I'm sorry for all the mental disorders in your family you have had to deal with. Like the non existant cancer in my family, I have not had to deal with mental disorders either. I'm glad you posted what you did.....it makes me feel better and less crazy.
Thank you all, again.....having cancer thrown in to a messy situation with mental disorders and me being single and on my own....it's been interesting. It helps to vent in here b/c you all have the cancer insight, sadly, to view other situations from. Not that my friends aren't helpful, but they don't look at surgery scars every day or take a med to make their cancer not come back every night. It does put a spin on things that you can't understand if you have not gone through it.
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To cheer you! I took this last weekend in New Berlin.
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Hi everyone,
Wow, spend a little time away from the boards, and I come back to this explosion of activity on the TX thread - how exciting! Even though some are experiencing difficuties, it's so heartwarming to see the outpouring of support. Who else but your sisters, right?
Wildflowers - I always know it's almost my birthday when the wildflowers begin to bloom. I'm in Port A this week for Spring Break, and saw bluebonnets galore on the drive from SA! There were also big expanses of some other kind of bright pink flower - but since I'm not native to the area, I'm not sure what they're called. I'm looking forward, hopefully, to a great wildflower season. We deserve it, after the complete bust last year (I barely saw ANY last spring).
I do hope we're able to arrange some sort of meetup - I was so disappointed that I couldn't make it last year. I'm having my second stage (DIEP) surgery, most likely in July - but even if it's scheduled then, I'll get there, no matter what!
Hugs and love to all. Get out and soak in the TX sun and the beautiful wildflowers! They are a good way to renew your spirit.
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