I know I cant be the only lesbian out here?

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  • EmilysMom
    EmilysMom Member Posts: 42
    edited May 2013

    Glad to see this group is picking up....I checked inforweeksandsaw virtually nothing. KTssupport... Welcome,and please feel verryyyyy free to askforhowtobea caretaker for YOU,because that is so important .

    Joining the caretaker group could help. Do u have a GILDAs club inthe area???

    If so,that would be a good place to go. I am sure u r doing a good job,just by virtue of the fact that you are reaching out to ask how or what to do it....

    That is awesome and I give u kudos.



    Auralane, (sorry,spelling won't type in), hear u... Have that same type of issue.beingsingle is hard.



    I joined a support group for women going through this at thesametime,and it is dry helpful,but very difficult to listen to people talk about their husband and how they did this right thing or the wrong thing.... It's just different being single. I don't want to be a whiner about it,,, not saying its harder but just different.

    Being alone is pretty difficult. But I also know from being a caretaker to family members,that care taking is damn hard. So, cancer suck no matter your status or orientation.



    Hope to check back in soon.... Be well,everyone!!!!

    Emily's Mom

  • gails
    gails Member Posts: 1
    edited May 2013

    Hi, KTsSupport --
    When Virginia was diagnosed I knew that my job would be to support her.  My goal through all of her treatment was to show her in every way that I could that (a) I love her; and (b) I would be here no matter what.  A teacher of mine used to tell me, "show, don't tell."  So, I did did my best to show her both of those things, as often as I could. While I knew that completing the various tasks of keeping a household running moderately well was important, I didn't want our relationship to become about  tasks.  I wanted my support to be about her.

    I suspect that you'll find that -- regardless of how energetic you are generally -- your time and energy are limited.  If I had spent all of my time on tasks, I wouldn't have had any energy left to spend with her.  And, it seemed to me that in her shoes I might feel very alone.  That wasn't okay with me.

    We were (and are) very lucky to have friends who offered to do things for us -- bring meals, mow the lawn, clean the house, shop for groceries.  It went against the grain for me to accept -- but we did.  It not only made me aware of (and extraordinarily grateful for) the number of people who really care about us, but also how great those people are. 

    So, here's a thought:  to the extent that people offer -- accept.  If you know people who might not know what to offer, ask them for help.  Almost everyone is more than willing to help -- especially if there is a clearly defined task (can you do this load of laundry?  can you pick up these groceries tonight or tomorrow?)  Here's another thought:  if you can hire someone to do some of those tasks during this period, do that.  Only you folks know whether that's possible for your family -- but in the short term, it's probably worth it.

    I also knew that none of this was about me -- and that I didn't need to add my fear and anxiety to her stew of fear and anxiety.  So I had a few other people who I talked to when my anxiety started to bubble over.  As I said, people are remarkably willing to help.

    Another thought: get enough sleep.  It's not just a good idea.  It's possibly the difference between survival and madness.  Enough sleep is your friend.  And believe me, it's an important part of your role; it's hard to be supportive if you're living on the edge of exhaustion. 

    Oh -- one more thing: find ways to laugh, especially finds ways to laugh together.  You'll find that there will be whole moments when you're not thinking about your partner's diagnosis and treatment.  Take advantage of those moments.  We certainly didn't want our lives to be entirely defined by Virginia's diagnosis and treatment.  Those things were going to be a large part of the present -- but we wanted to make sure that we knew that soon we would be returning to "our regularly scheduled programming" -- that we would be getting back to our real lives.  And laughter has always been an important part of our lives.

    Somewhere in the middle of Virginia's treatment I figured out that I didn't have an "A" grade in my repertoire.  I had to settle for being a solid "B" spouse -- which gave me some space for the occasional "C" and the wildly infrequent "A."  Life is good.  Virginia grades on a curve.

    All the best for both of you --

    Gail

  • Hils
    Hils Member Posts: 152
    edited May 2013

    Some great posts - especially enjoyed yours Gail re your teacher and her teaching you to "show, don't tell".

    Hope the sun is shining on you all and that things are good. I saw this article recently and although it is written from a straight perspective I think a number of the things still ring true irrespective of your sexuality. Hope it is of interest and helps someone Smile

    http://theconversation.com/sex-sexuality-and-cancer-lets-break-the-taboo-11717

  • Auralaine
    Auralaine Member Posts: 11
    edited May 2013

    KTsSupport - Thank you for being there for your partner, but especially for having the courage and insight to reach out for support for yourself. I'm single right now and going through BC alone basically (thankful for the support here!), but I had acute leukemia 20 years ago and went through that with my long-term partner. I am convinced it was much harder on her and my family than it was for me, emotionally anyway. I was caught up in getting through the next step of treatment, and all my support people could do was just be there. At the time, we were in Oklahoma, and it was about a two hour drive from where we lived to the hospital. My partner later told me she would have to pull over to the side of the road to throw up during the drive because she was so upset it made her sick to her stomach. Of course she never mentioned any of this while we were going through it, and I think it definitely had a long-term effect on our relationship. Initially we were much closer, but I think the undiscussed fear and anxiety of remission caused both of us to emotionally withdraw from each other over time, and we ended up breaking up after 16 years.  I would second counseling as a wonderful support for both of you - individual or couples, or both. KT is lucky to have you!

    And Outfield - yes, the COLD!!! The weather is warming up here finally, in upstate NY, but I still have my heat on when everyone else has their windows open! Brrrr.... But next Tuesday is my last treatment, so I'm on the homestretch! Yea!

    Have a great weekend everyone!

  • KTsSupport
    KTsSupport Member Posts: 3
    edited May 2013

    Auralaine, Hils, Gails and Emilys Mom-

    You all have no idea how much your posts touched me and hit home. I can relate to every single one of you and I appreciate it. We have been together for 9 years now and this is by far the hardest thing we have faced together. I definitely have come to terms with the fact that I cannot just do this alone and without help from others. I am slowly but surely reaching out. This is where I started and I sincerely thank you for taking the time to respond.

  • kiwival
    kiwival Member Posts: 3
    edited May 2013

    My name is Valerie, and I was diagnosed with breast cancer in October 2012, had a wide local excision 9 November 2012, and then radiation therapy, followed by Arimidex and Tamoxifen.  The doc put me on Tamoxifen when the Arimidex didn't suit, and I have now stopped the Tamoxifen to see if that is also affecting me - my moods, weepiness, irritability, etc., etc.  He has also added Notriptyline 10mg daily to my Fluoxetine 3 tabs daily, to see if that makes any difference.

    He has suggested I have "tried to do too much" following the surgery and radiation therapy and that that is why I am weepy and depressed. Hell's teeth - I was bored silly with my life even before the diagnosis and surgery!

    Anyway - I am 64 years old, a single lesbian, living in Christchurch, New Zealand, and would welcome any contact with others in this group.

    Thanks.

    Valerie

  • virginiab
    virginiab Member Posts: 79
    edited May 2013

    Welcome, Valerie! Doesn't it make you crazy when doctors try to reframe symptoms with some foolish story??

  • Hils
    Hils Member Posts: 152
    edited May 2013

    Welcome to the group Valerie. One of the side effects of Tamoxifen is mood swings. Being diagnosed with BC alone can cause a roller coaster of emotions and you were only diagnosed six months ago. It is early days for you, it took me at least a year to get my head around some of this s**t.  Plus being in Christchurch with the past 2,000+ shakes couldn't have been much fun over the past 2+ years. Are there any support groups that you could join in Christchurch? I know that up here in Auckland there is not such a thing for lesbians. I know my partner and I have found that if you are straight there is a group, if you are gay there is none, unless these groups are all hiding Smile Happy to chat

  • kiwival
    kiwival Member Posts: 3
    edited May 2013

    Thanks, Hils.

    As far as I know there is no group for lesbians with breast cancer in Christchurch - probably one for straight women but I haven't checked.

    As far as I am concerned, it is the Tamoxifen that is playing havoc with my moods, as did the Arimidex, even though the GP said he hadn't seen this as a side-effect in 20 years of General Practice.  And nor does it appear as a side effect in the literature.  At the same time, there seems to be a great deal of anectdotal evidence from women taking it or who have taken it, that it is an issue.

    I have had life-long issues with oestrogen around depression, anger, aggression, irritability, irrationality, and so on, and right from the start of this breast cancer journey I was a tad concerned that taking any medication that modified the oestrogen or the effects of the oestrogen.  I know what it feels like to be PMT-ish in a big way - it was a way of life for me until I was prescribed the contraceptive pill.  Even at that stage (late 1970s, early 80s) the only thing the docs were interested in was whether or not I could get pregnant (assuming I wanted to).  Menopause came as something of a relief, and I have been relatively stable since I went through that process.

    know there is something going on with my body, and also that it has been obvious only since the completion of the radiation therapy and the beginning of the hormone therapy.

    And now I think I could easily get into a major rant, so I will stop here, and wish you well as you also continue your own journey with this.

  • Hils
    Hils Member Posts: 152
    edited May 2013

    Hi Valerie, I was thinking that maybe you might be interested in some of these groups, you did say you were bored Laughing 

    Pink Pilates
    The nationwide Pink Pilates physiotherapy-based programme has been specifically designed to help women diagnosed with breast cancer regain their physical strength, rebuild self esteem and improve their body confidence.
    Phone: 09 361 1078
    Website: www.pinkpilates.co.nz
    You can ask via their website for your sessions to be funded (they are normally one on one sessions). Then if you enjoy these you can go on to group sessions, I know that up here in Auckland there is a group class that is run. I know that it won't be a lesbian group, but it may get you out and about and sometimes excercise can help some of the issues we face post surgery and ensure that we do not lose any movement. I have attached the websithe for the physio who runs Pink Pilates in Canterbury.

    http://www.helios.org.nz/pilates-pink-pilates

    The freeYWCA Encore programme assists women who have had breast cancer surgery regain their mobility, flexibility and self-confidence through gentle floor and pool-based exercise and support
    Phone: 0800 362 673
    Website: www.akywca.org.nz

    Here are some other groups in NZ that may be of help

    Mamazon Club
    The Mamazon club supports lesbian women with breast cancer.
    Email: bcac@breastcancer.org.nz 

    Hope one of these links are useful, but I will not be offended if you just think go away Hils. Hope it is not getting too cold down in Christchurch. Give us a shout it I can be of any help.

  • kiwival
    kiwival Member Posts: 3
    edited May 2013

    Thanks for your support and encouragement, Hils - unfortunately, the Encore swimming with the YWCA is available only in Auckland, and the Mamazon Club is in recess due to lack of interest.  I had checked these out at about the time of my diagnosis.  However, I did sign up with Pink Pilates, and got three subsidised sessions with a phsyiotherapist here in Christchurch.  Other Pilates activities are mainly in Auckland, I think - maybe Christchurch doesn't have the population to support these types of things.  Unless, of course, the earthquakes have had an impact on the activities of the Cancer Society and the NZ Breast Cancer Foundation here in Christchurch in the last 1000 days!

    The GP has now put me on Nortriptyline 10mg, in addition to the 3 Prozac per day, and I have stopped taking the Tamoxifen.  The GP wants to see me again on 12 June, and I expect he expects that I will start the Tamoxifen again - but, unless he comes up with a very compelling reason to do so, I shall not do so.  Nor shall I try any of the other hormone therapy medications around, having already had trouble with Arimidex and Tamoxifen, in terms of mood swings, irritability, weepiness. aggressiveness and so so, like when I was pre-menstrual as a younger woman, in my twenties in the 1970s.

    My life is ticking over quite nicely at the moment, although I have had crews of men here, first to remove cracked concrete drive and paths, then to box them up to lay new concrete, and then to locate a lateral from my kitchen waste outlet to the wastewater drain that goes along the other side of the fence down the side of the house.  With all the snow and rain and men in big boots with measuring things and wheelbarrows with wheels, etc., there is now quite a muddy track down the side of the house, and when the snow melted the other day, there was a large iced-over surface on the boxed driveway.

    In the meantime, the car is parked out on the street, and I must walk over muddy, stoney surfaces to get into my place!  I am expecting more upheaval in due course, when "they" come to fix the cosmetic damage done by the earthquakes.  Not really a good time to be feeling down and depressed and trying to cope with all the drama of "the rebuild"!

    I trust you are well, Hils, and adjusting to the cooler, wetter days of late autumn!

    Best wishes - Valerie

  • Hils
    Hils Member Posts: 152
    edited June 2013

    Hi Val - sorry to hear that alot of the groups that I mentioned are either Auckland centric or hibernating due to lack of interest.  I hope that the new tablets are helping. I have been searching the web for any pieces of research re Tamoxifen and depression, but I have mainly found anectdotal stories from women saying how the drug has taken them to the depths of despair or has given them terrible mood swings but nothing else, I will continue to look and if I find anything I will post it.

    I hope that all of the big workmen have finished all the work around your house and that you now have a smoothe driveway! Although I am sure that any structural work from the earthquake will take a bit longer. Wish I could make it happen alot quicker for you.

    Well winter has certainly arrived and the southerlies now have a definate nip to them. Hopefully you have not had any snow as yet! Everything is going well here - so I cannot complain.

    Hope everyone else is hanging in there Auralaine, Gails, Navygal, cancersucks, KTsupport and Emilys Mom sorry if I have missed anyone. I hope none of you were affected by the recent tornadoes that hit the States. Have a great weekend and take care.

    Hils

  • mutt1963
    mutt1963 Member Posts: 91
    edited June 2013

    Sorry womyn that its been a while since I posted. Been busy trying to deal with the rain, riding my motorcycle when it isn't raining, and the book that was created with photos taken of my treatment and life during treatment has been printed so have been running around a little with that. Things are going well here. Still have pain but its managable. Hope everyone is doing well or as well as they can. Those that are experiencing winter, I'm sorry. Kris

  • outfield
    outfield Member Posts: 235
    edited June 2013

    Took a high bounce from a hard hit ball into my chest last night, got me right on the  edge of my pec where a bit of it was removed, am so sore today.  Just glad I didn't break one of those radiation-damaged ribs.  That area hurts enough as it is.

    After the game, we did our usual cheer, but also:

    DOWN WITH DOMA!

    I know not everyone wants to get married (I do), but for all of us who want to be treated as true citizens of this country it sure feels like a big step in the right direction.   

  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 152
    edited August 2013

    Sorry to see the lag in comments on this thread, but I will not complain since I am mostly what I guess those in internet land call a troll. However I do need to comment on Outfield's last post...Ouch! 

  • GML
    GML Member Posts: 46
    edited August 2013

    Hi everyone. I have to share a story that I think is well beyond coincidence. After my breast cancer treatments were done, I was searching for some kind of epiphany, some purpose to life other than my job.

    I tried a variety of things and nothing really clicked. I did successfully sell antiques on line for a while but lost interest.

    Having had horses when I was a kid, I answered a local Craigslist ad looking for someone to exercise a horse. After talking with the woman, I decided to get into horse back riding again. I bought a horse and he was too much for me and it damaged my already shaky confidence. I bought another one and am currently working with him. I don't have that confidence that we all did when we were 16, in the days where we knew people got hurt but we also "knew" it would never happen to us. And I've found myself questioning my decision, wondering if maybe I can't recapture that peaceful feeling I used to get while riding.

    My horse's registered name is "Larks Rugged Sterling". After a particularly nice visit with Sterling, I went home and I was looking at all his paperwork. It was in my nightstand and I was kneeling on the floor going through it all. Under his paperwork was some more paperwork and under that was a book. I glanced up and my eyes immediately focused on the binding of the book, the part that shows the authors or publishers. It read, "Sterling/Lark". It is a book on making whirligigs that I bought 1 year ago when I was still trying to find that epiphany. I normally keep my books in my book case and my pet paperwork in my filing cabinet. But there they were, together. Every hair on my body was standing on end.

    I couldn't have asked to have a more distinct answer to the question of whether or not this was what I was supposed to be doing. Coincidence is indeed God's way of remaining anonymous.

    Have a great night!

    GML

  • mutt1963
    mutt1963 Member Posts: 91
    edited August 2013

    Hey everyone. Things seemed to slow down on the thread over the summer. Hope it is cause most of you are finding new things of Interest or busy with friends or family.

    I do also hope that there aren't any sisters and their families suffering more because they think they are alone. I'll start checking in more to make sure I can at least be some one to acknowledge a request to be heard. Kris

  • singout
    singout Member Posts: 2
    edited August 2013

    Hello, I'm Jennemilie and you aren't the only lesbian here. Why would you be? Tell me how being a lesbian affects you having breast cancer? Do you have a support system? A partner? 

    I live in the south (though a CA girl) and my cancer center is very christian. That is okay and they are really nice to my partner and I  but I know they probably don't "approve".

    Don't think there is a Lesbian Cancer Group here but we can form one here.

    Blessings in complete healing and love. Namaste.

  • elliejdan
    elliejdan Member Posts: 11
    edited August 2013

    Hey singout, im down here in greenville sc.



    I am a yankee from michigan and have had great experiences her in the deep south. I recieve my treatment from st francis catholic hospital, who even knew there was the possibillity of a catholic facility here.

    My partner and i have a similar experience with being treated extremely well but knowing im a topic of conversation for some in this breast cancer world. Same thing with the support meetings.

    Glad to see you on the board and hope all is well

    I start radiation this week and am hoping this is the last leg of my treatment.

  • JustJean
    JustJean Member Posts: 170
    edited August 2013

    Hi everyone... sorry I've been MIA. I'm working three jobs to make ends meet with my boy in his second year of college. One of the reasons I haven't been here is that sometimes I forget BCO is here. Seriously. I totally forget it is here and have no recollection of what I have said here unless I remember to get on and sign in and look at my previous posts. One of the reasons I haven't been here much is that my brain is no longer what it was and it's still a huge struggle to put a sentence together. One of the reasons I haven't done more than lurk here and there for awhile is that I can't seem to talk about my experience with bc without being negative. And truth be told, I think it's okay to be negative... I think it's okay for me to grieve what is lost while appreciating what I still have. I normally just keep it to myself and present an outwardly positive face because "everyone" knows if you aren't chipper and fucking cheerful 24/7 that somehow you're going to cause things to get worse. Personally, I think that "everyone" is wrong. I think it's perfectly normal to be pissed and to grieve at times, just as it is normal to celebrate the good things.

    Where my issue comes in is that it seems like that's all I do here. Or more than my fair share of it, perhaps. Or maybe not, maybe it is all in my head.

    I may have lost a good friend a couple of months ago. We all know that losing friends is typical when going through this - many women have had friends disappear. But you don't really think of it happening over 3 years later. We were at a party a couple of months ago and the topic of conversation was gender identity (talking about MichFest) and at some point it evolved to a different conversation and my friend said to me "cancer hasn't changed you at all". I'm afraid I blew up at her... she's maintained this line the entire time and even though I disagreed I kept it to myself until that day. "I am NOT the same", I said. I spoke about not having breasts and hating my body and my brain (WHY do people who haven't had chemo have to say, at the mere mention of it, something like "oh, I know how that is, I forget things all the time". DUH? Did you ever forget how to operate the copy machine at work that you had been using for years? Do you have to use sticky notes for EVERYTHING?) How about not being able to do anywhere near the physical amount of stuff I used to be able to do. And libido. What's that???  And let's not mention (although I guess I just did) being in PAIN PAIN PAIN all the fucking time above all and so I said that NO I WAS NOT THE SAME. Still a great person, yes! But not the SAME person.

    She has barely spoken to me since then and only in the most superficial way. Part of me thinks I should have continued to keep my mouth shut. Another part of me thinks that she should have honored my feelings long before this. But she had her own brush with cancer about 7 years ago, DCIS, and a lumpectomy and radiation took care of it... but I am certain that she is dealing with her own deeply hidden demons too. But dammit, I should be able to be myself - changed and everything - without her trying to make it as if these multiple cancers haven't had a profound effect on my life.

    It's never easy. But this pain is slowly but surely driving me mad. I can't wait every evening until it's time to go to bed - once asleep I am NOT in pain.

    On a more cheerful note, off to bed I go. Hope everyone is as well as they can be today. Next time I'll try to come back in when I'm not all pissy and negative and write a cheerful post. If I remember. Heh.

    (hugs) to all

  • virginiab
    virginiab Member Posts: 79
    edited September 2013

    Hi, JustJean--

    Well, I have no answer regarding your friend. I think that you are probably on the right track in your reference to her own cancer, and that she may have been saying, in some way, that SHE is not changed by cancer. Or wishes she were not...

    As to the chemo brain, I just saw that Lumosity.com had done a study that their online brain games improved brain function in a research study with BC survivors. THey have free games online (and will also be happy to sell you a memberhsip that gives you access to more games). You might want to take a peek and see if it is right for you.

  • JustJean
    JustJean Member Posts: 170
    edited September 2013

    Thanks, Virginia (that was my mother's name, love it!)... good to know that someone else understands what I was trying to say

    I had a six month subscription to one of the brain places, they claimed the same thing about their statistics helping bc patients. I'd like to tell you that it worked but quite honestly not only did my test scores not go up even one notch in that six months, but now (only about 2 months later) I can't even tell you the name of the website. I had to set my phone calendar to tell me to go in and do it every night because I couldn't remember to do it. (Only reason I thought to do that was because the woman who had bought me the subscription asked me how it was going and I had forgotten all about it for a couple of weeks. Ooops. I did not tell her that part...) 

    It's very sad to me. I used to have almost a photographic memory and now I can't trust my memory of what may or may not have happened an hour ago. I sing in a chorus and live in fear of the times that our director wants us "off book" for a song or two in a program. She knows I can't remember them, so she knows that I just sort of move my mouth so I don't look like an idiot standing there while everyone else is singing. I just got a transfer to a new department at work (2 months ago) and I know they think I'm not listening when something comes up that I haven't made a note on because I have to ask about it.

    Fucking cancer. ...sigh...

    JJ

  • poodle_mum
    poodle_mum Member Posts: 5
    edited September 2013

    Hi everyone - I'm new around here.  I had a voluntary "preventative" bilateral mastectomy due to family history (5 immediate female family members died of bc and 3 survived). My surgery was this past August 22nd at the age of 40. Yes, just 3 weeks ago. While in surgery, they discovered that I actually had DCIS in my left breast.  I was having a skin-sparing method and they were able to re-attach the nipples as well.

    I have a complicated relationship with my partner (we can't live together, we tried and were ready to kill each other) but we live one floor apart in our building and we are still each the love of the other's lives.  When I first told her about my choice, her response was "and so? what's the issue?" I just stood there shocked and said "uh... they're lopping off my boobs." At this point the skin-sparing method, etc hadn't been discussed with the doctor.  She said "....and?"  I asked her wouldn't that change how she felt about me and she said of course not.

    She has been here since day one - literally from the minute I came home from the hospital (day surgery - 9 hours in and they throw you out the door once they know you're conscious! LOL).  She's seen them after the dressings came off, then the tape this past week.  She keeps telling me that everything looks good and her eyes glimmer just like they did 15 years ago when we became partners.  But in my mind, I don't understand.

    I've looked in the mirror and I'm disgusted by what I see.  This isn't me.  While I'm grateful that I don't need chemo and radiation, I do have to do breast massage therapy. I have seromas on both breasts.  Just the feel of them the other day for the first time freaked me out and I was sure the fellas in the white coats were going to come and haul me away.  And yet, here's this beautiful lady in my life telling me that everything is okay.

    She's seeing something that I can't see. I see some foreign objects that don't look anything like the breasts I once  had.  When all is said and done and the swelling and seromas are gone, I'll be a AA-A (I didn't want implants). I'm fine with that size (I'm a tomboy anyway so that suits me fine) - but in the meantime until I get to that day - this is not me.

    And the irony of everything??? I've always been a boob girl.  The first thing I've ever noticed about anyone.  Granted, I am short, so that comes in handy for a good view Laughing  It's legal to go topless here where I live and although I must admit that women who have so many rolls that you have to just assume that the first layer are tits, have great self-esteem, I sometimes question the topless law while walking down the sidwalk and you see someone coming toward you and you realise you're counting - 1, 2, 3 oh yeah, there are the nipples! Ok - I have a warped sense of humour.

    In any case, I realise I'm living a new life - I can't wrap my mind around what I've seen in the mirror and I refuse to look at them.  My other half, on the other hand? I can't wrap my mind around how she can look at them and not feel the same disgust with them that I do.

    Sorry for the intro + vent at the same time.  I'm excited to see this topic here. Dykes and boobs are just an automatic connection in my mind. I have always said though, that no matter what happened, if I had ever fallen in love with someone and God forbid she had to lose her boobs, that would never change how I felt, despite being a boob girl, it would be the girl that I fell in love with.

  • Aimhigh
    Aimhigh Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2013

    Poodle mum, how's your recovery going? Interesting living and loving situation with your partner, glad it's working for you both. I was very touched by your story of how your lady is still loving looking at you.....



    Are the seromas dissipating? I think mine lasted until my mammo, about a year after lumpectomy. Then the boob hurt for about a month and a nice little divet was left in the surgical area.



    Looking at myself in the mirror each day reminds me that I have battle scars and that I went through a tough time and lived through it. Perhaps in time, you can do the same.



    I wish you perfect peace.



  • poodle_mum
    poodle_mum Member Posts: 5
    edited October 2013

    The left side started to open at the incision but was closing over while a hole was developing causing the seroma not to be able to drain. Last week the surgeon cleaned it up so it's a big hole but looking much better and draining very well.  The pain I had on that side is very minimal now that it has been draining so well.

    The right side seroma is getting larger.  A small opening is starting below which has droplets so I slapped a wet dressing on it as well (just as the left side needs done) and I have a feeling he will re-open it a bit next week at my appt. Hopefully that will get it drained out and the pain will go away.

    Yes, it is quite nice that she still loves me and doesn't see me any differently.  I haven't gotten used to it yet though.  She said the other day "thousands of people make love to women without boobs everyday, what's the difference?" Interesting perspective!

  • Aimhigh
    Aimhigh Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2013

    Geez! You're dealing with that in what sounds like a very matter-of-fact manner. You're very brave....and I thought I was pretty stoic and tough about my various procedures and their aftermaths (hysterectomy and some bowel work through lapro).



    In hindsight I wish I would have gotten them cut off (between the scar tissue, nerve regeneration, and pain due to AI side effects - all which make me paranoid).



    My partner says she loves me more because of this...if that was even possible. She's so strong about it, nary a doubt that everything's gonna be fine. We are both lucky girls....

  • poodle_mum
    poodle_mum Member Posts: 5
    edited October 2013


    It is, what it is, right? We can't change it. And yes, we are very lucky to have our ladies by our side :-)

  • bride
    bride Member Posts: 121
    edited December 2013

    Okay, where is everyone hiding? Am I alone in the wilderness? 

    Come out, come out, wherever you are, please?

  • MereMere
    MereMere Member Posts: 74
    edited December 2013

    you are not alone at all!! I'm glad to see someone finally said something!

  • 2tails
    2tails Member Posts: 23
    edited December 2013

    Good morning ladies. This is my first time posting in this forum and I am happy to meet all of you, although I am also sad that you are here because it means that you are dealing with breast cancer. My partner and I have been together for 17 years and we plan on getting married in 2014. The date we want was Friday the 13th in 2013 so we delayed our wedding for a year. LOL!

    Anyway, I was diagnosed and treated for DCIS this past year. During my journey, my partner had a suspicious area found in her breast, had it biopsied & at the time it was determined to be benign. She just went for her 6 month follow up mammogram and the area has grown bigger. She is scheduled for a needle localization excisional biopsy in January. The same procedure I had when my DCIS was found. While I know she will get through it fine, it makes me sad that she has to go through it. She also has a lot of other medical issues and auto immune disorders making her ineligible for rads if a cancer is found.

    I just can't believe that we are in this place again after only 3 months of my finishing treatment. All we can do is 1 day at a time, and hope 2014 brings happier times (like a wedding!) LOL. All in all we are doing ok, doing our best to not let cancer steal 1 more minute from our lives.

    I wish you all a great New Year!!