I know I cant be the only lesbian out here?
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Hello ladies, just checking to see how everyone is doing. We watched the very boring game called the Super Bowl. I wish it was a better game but oh well. I will be getting tickets for us and my nephews to go see the Patriots next season. We stay at Patriot Place so no one has to drive.
Tam and I are doing great. Relaxing in our "time off" from screenings and dr appointments.
I am thinking of you all! Cheers!
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Nope, you're not the only lesbian out there. It just took me longer to get diagnosed. I was diagnosed in December 2013. I never worried about breast cancer, but always got my yearly mammogram. Good thing, too since that's where my cancer was found. Is anyone still on this board?
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GM ladies!!
@2tails - Mel and i watched it too. I spent most of the game stuffing my belly with chip n dip and beers. The more beers the better the game!! lol We are not football people, but love a good game! You are right...snooze!!
I'm getting my pre-op labs done tomm am and am so excited and anxious! 12 more days til my deadly boobs go away!!
@mermaid - my cancer was found on my first mammogram. I went in early to a baseline(only 32) I have an extensive family history but no brca gene found. Lucky me I guess. My bilateral mastectomy is on the 18th! what's your plan of action?
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I'm here! So glad there's a lesbian board here, even if it's quiet at times. I'm one of the first in my friends group to go through this, so it's been kind of lonely at times.
We watched the Puppy Bowl at our house this year! Immediately wanted to adopt all of them. Our cats promptly reminded us this is a dog free home...for now.
I had my first follow up scan since the all clear in September last week. It was pretty terrifying. They've been keeping a close eye on some questionable spots in my lungs, and thankfully, all is still stable. At least in the no mets department.
It's been kinda rough lately, though. Between cabin fever and taking on too much and not being used to fatigue like I've been dealing with, and trying to get a grip on the lymphedema, it's been a bit overwhelming. Hanging in there, focusing on recovery and healing, and talking to a therapist again. And reaching out to friends again. Oh, and writing like mad!
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Hi surlytits… I'm just in the beginning waiting on results from Mondays biopsy. I'm laying here with my brain on continuous spin cycle since all this started 2 1/2 long weeks ago. As read I get more confused trying to understand everything. I am not sure from one minute to the next how I am feeling other than anxious! This is torture.
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Hey Ladies! The anxiety is the worse part so far!! I am set up for DMX on tuesday! I was diagnosed on Friday Dec 13th! I will never forget that date!! I have been trying some mediation and it helps.... hope you get good news puupy_whispers!
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Newbie here! Just diagnosed last month, and I'm only 37. I had a lumpectomy two weeks ago and am now preparing for radiation. I find that I'm really wanting to decline the tamoxifen, but I haven't yet managed to get a copy of the portion of my pathology report that indicates my hormone receptor test results, so I'm not in a position to make a final decision yet. I do know that the tests were done, but I have to wait to get an appointment with the right doctor before I can see them.
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Hello Ladies.
MereMere, how are you doing?? I am sorry I wasn't around to wish you well pre-surgery. I hope you and Mel are doing ok.
Surlytits, Queerbychoice & Puppy_whispers, so glad you found us. Welcome!
I don't have anything to report, just wanted to check in and see all of you were doing.
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hey 2tials! I'm doin really good. Today's Mel's bday so I'm tried to make her breakfast got half way thro before she busted me! We finished together and are in the process of getting ready to ride out to the lake where we fish. It's pretty nice out today so we plan on taking advantage.
My doc said I'm healing well and my drains should come out next Friday!
How's everyone else doin??
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That is great! Glad you are doing good and healing well. Keep us posted!
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I had my surgery August 22nd, 2013. I may still have to have more surgery as I'm still fighting my battle.
I had always said that if my partner ended up having to go through with this, God forbid, it wouldn't make a difference because I would love her anyway (long before I ever settled down with one person). Of course, I'm a boob girl, so coming from me, people were surprised to hear me say that.
Last October I turned to my partner and said - honestly, how can you find *this* still attractive? She told me that she didn't fall in love with me for my boobs, those were just an added asset, she fell in love with *ME*. Then she said "every day around the world there are thousands of men and women who love a woman who has lost her breasts and they are together because they love each other and choose to be together."
We have been together for 11 years. As much as I've always loved her, the moment she said that, I realised how much she loved me. She could have walked away but she stood beside me from the day I found out I was having surgery to three weeks later when I went in and she was there at home that night when they let me come home.
I had nipple-sparing but my boobs don't look "like boobs" - certainly not those big suckers I had when I left for the hospital that morning. If I have to have surgery again, I will not have the nipples. I know if God forbid, that happens, no doubt I will be in that same situation asking her how she can stand looking at this new body. I kept telling her for weeks on end - "this isn't me, this isn't my body, I'm not supposed to look like this!" She let me rant and rave and held me close, bathed me when I couldn't and just loved me.
To have someone walk by your side like that is a blessing that no one can understand until they've walked in our shoes.
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hi aimeeleon
At first, it sounded like reconstruction was the normal course I had to take but hearing all the stages I have to go through in addition to chemo, I was scared and confused for a couple of weeks. My girlfriend of 10 years begged me to make a decision soon because she wanted to get the tumor out of my body right away. My indecision is delaying my mastectomy and anxiety over both our families are just getting worse. I told her I wanted to do it for her but I am scared. She told me she loves me with or without them so she didn't care if I get them done. not only that i felt how truly she loves me but she made me realize that i need to do it for myself and not for anyone else, not even her. I literally had to evaluate how important and how miserable i would be without them. I ran across a website breastfree.org that had pictures and stories of people who decided not to do it. I saw how happy they are and admired their courage for it so I decided not to go for it.
Wish you the best.
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Hi all! Glad to see this board active again but sorry to see that others have joined the club. Poodle mum, I could really relate to your post about the support from your partner. My wife and I are also going on 11 years and I couldn't have asked my own mother to take better care of me than my wife did. I had mastectomy on right side and prophylactic mastectomy on left side. No reconstruction. I still occasionally ask my wife if it bothers her. But she answers much like your partner; she loves me for me, not my boobs. I am 4 1/2 years out so am quite used to not having them anymore.
To all members waiting and still going through treatment, I wish you strength, resiliency, and good scans. Peace
GML
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hey ladies I need some advice. I am coping great with diagnoses and DMX. Mel, my partner, not so much. She is angey, stressed and depressed. She tells me all the time why her not me. She is pretending to be ok but everyday I see more signs of her breaking down. She says I love you so much all the time. She waits on me hand and foot and helps me dress my insecions. She is my world and I hate to see her this way. After 12 yrs I know her and can read her body and sometimes her mind... Not really but feels like it. I just don't know what to do she has refused to go talk to a professional. Any ideas. I thank her all the time and reasure how much I appriciate her.... Any thoughts....
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Hi MereMere,
I'm a partner, not the one with the bc, but just wanted to weigh in, and hopefully it's OK for me to do so. This is also my first post.
My wife had a lumpectomy and finished rads Dec. 31 (stage 1 dcis and idc, no node involvement). She just went in for her 6mos mammo yesterday, and they saw microcalcifications that may or may not be anything. They won't do anything until 6 months more when they do a mammo on both sides. I'm having a hard time today.
It's so hard being the spouse/partner and not being able to do anything to help. We can do little things, but we can't fix it and we can't take it away. It feels so out of control, and I (we) feel so damn helpless. And at the same time, there's the desire to be only supportive, and not show how much it's affecting us. In my case, my wife tends to start apologizing for getting cancer (!) and she feels bad for me feeling bad. I think I could express more if she didn't automatically go to apology mode. So sometimes it feels counter-productive to express how I'm feeling.I am bummed to read that your partner won't talk to a professional. That has been a lifesaver for me, as well as having a friend or two that I can talk to about the helplessness, fear, frustration, and anxiety (do you have any friends that you could ask to reach out to her?). I also found a support group for caregivers not related to a specific cancer (this was good because I didn't want to sit in a room with a bunch of men in their 60s-70s who are disgruntled because their wives are not cooking them pot roasts - this was seriously another patient's husband who was having rads same time as my wife). I am not sure the welcome Mel would have if a support group such as that was available (it's hard enough to be out at such a thing in a liberal city, let alone one in TN). Or even if she would go. But it's been helpful for me to hear that others feel just as confused and helpless as I do. I don't know about your situation, but in our case, I am the only one working, and it's stressful as hell. I am trying to do so much, and get so much done, and work, and worry about money, and I can't do anything concrete to make cancer go away. And I'm terrified of losing her eventually.
On thing that helped was at some point figuring out that I needed to be real at times with my wife about my feelings. That if we can cry together, it helps. And it helps her. It relieves her worries about how I'm coping (or not). Because she is not stupid, she knows that I am feeling scared and helpless and overwhelmed, so to try to hide it all the time is kind of pointless. That said, there is also a limit to what I'm willing to always share with her for fear of adding one more burden to her pile or making her feel guilty. So it's kind of confusing.
I'm not sure I even realized how much I was bottling it all up inside until I went to my first support group meeting, and the facilitator said that caregivers are cancer survivors just as much as the patient. That we experience everything, but we can't control anything, nothing is our decision to make, sometimes we don't get all the information/communication, people often don't ask us how we are, etc. I was holding back tears when I heard that, which surprised me. I wonder if a mutual friend could be asked to help support her specifically on this, to let her know that what she is feeling is normal, and acknowledge that she is suffering too.
And I don't know the two of you, so your mileage may vary, but do you think it would help to let her know that you know she is feeling overwhelmed and helpless and you get it? It's a natural reaction, and it's not her fault or yours. I don't know if you have a tendency to feel bad, or responsible for her worries, etc, but if so, curbing that while talking to her might help (and don't apologize). Is there a social worker where you are being treated? Do you think it would help if you both talked to him/her? Would Mel even agree to that? Even if you couched it in terms of being something that would benefit you?
The reality is that some relationships don't survive something so huge, and you don't want that to be yours. I don't want that in our case, so maybe putting it in terms of the fact that she is so valuable to you, and your relationship is so vital to your life, that you want it to only be stronger might help. I don't know if any of this helps. Just felt like I wanted to reply. Take good care.
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Thanks for the advice! Mel has gotten better since I've gone back to work. We work at the same place and we rely on each other too much there. I think the stress and attitudes of our co-workers was really getting to her.
We are both doing pretty good and getting ready for my exchange in May!! These TE's are hard, uncomfortable and annoying!
Hope this finds you all well!!
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Hi all
I do not check in here much but this place was a lifesaver 5 years ago. I looked at a calender Monday I realized 5/1 is 5 years since BMX. It seems miles away. I got really healthy the past 2 years, dropped 100+pounds & workout 6 days a week. I did not have any reconstruction which was right choice for me. All can say is you will get through this and there is life on the other side of breast cancer.
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Just another Queer here :-) I am so glad I stumbled upon this thread! I have 2 girls and am engaged to a wonderful woman who believes in my kick ass spirit and is there for me every step of the way. I have been Stage 4 with a past of only one met to the brain and NED for almost 2 1/2 years Woooo!!!!! My partner wants to have/adopt another munchkin and the thought scares the hell oughta me. I deal with the fear of having cancer pop it's ugly head up and having another life that will be affected by it. Any other parents out there that decided to expand their family after cancer????
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Just another Queer here :-) I am so glad I stumbled upon this thread! I have 2 girls and am engaged to a wonderful woman who believes in my kick ass spirit and is there for me every step of the way. I have been Stage 4 with a past of only one met to the brain and NED for almost 2 1/2 years Woooo!!!!! My partner wants to have/adopt another munchkin and the thought scares the hell oughta me. I deal with the fear of having cancer pop it's ugly head up and having another life that will be affected by it. Any other parents out there that decided to expand their family after cancer????
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Hi dharmamama! I am here because we were planning on starting a family! I want to have a child and in doing so wanted to be positive that I was 100% healthy. Found my tumors in a mammogram.... I got lucky and found it early enough to be put on the fast track. No Chemo, no rads, no tamoxifen.... Hopefully we can start the hunt for "the boy goods" soon!!! Any child lucky enough to be born or adopted by parents that truly want them is truly blessed!
Good Luck with everything!!
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I'm glad I found this post...
My partner was diagnosed on April 18th...so much for "Good" Friday.
She has a left MX scheduled for next Tuesday. She opted for the MX, even though she was within range for a lumpectomy because she fears it coming back. I fully support her decision but it's difficult to watch her struggle with the emotional toll this is all taking. I just keep telling her that I will love her thru this...
So far we've had a clean PET and brain MRI. Bone scan results aren't back yet but we don't expect surprises there. Her doc also did an axillary node biopsy after one lit up on the breast MRI. It was negative. We're hopeful that the IDC is fully contained to the breast but of course won't know for sure until after surgery next week.
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@Meremere, so far as I have found, as long as your Onc gives you a letter saying that you are clear on all your scans and aren't in active treatment, there shouldn't be any problems! Being that you found it early, there shouldn't be any problems there! It is quite an amazing adventure :-)
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@dharmamama and the rest of the gang....
Got the all clear from the onco doc yesterday. He is referring me to on new obgyn that works with lesbian couples and has seen several bc patients. She is one of the best in the city... I am very Blessed to get in to see her!! Pray for the all clear from her....
Hope you all are doing well!!!
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Congratulations Mere Mere!!!!!! How exciting! It's all about timing your cycles . I am a RN and worked in the Maternal / Child Health area for over a decade :-) You and your partner better pamper the heck out of each other. You guys have been through so much, but regaining a new life after BC is a fabulous thing! Even though I am/was stage 4, I am finding my new beginning and loving it!
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I don't understand just because u guys r gay ( hope u don't mind some of my friends r ) why r they sending u and her to a gyno for lesbian couples. That's just wrong. I wouldn't know how to take that. Part good part defensive. I guess its better to get a Dr that has dealt with gay couples before. They will understand more I guess. That's still wrong I think.
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my new obgyn is not because of being gay it's because she specializes in cancer patients and child birth.... No worries spook
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Hello fellow family~
I was diagnosed while we were living in Australia. We went there for my work and we were only there 8 months when I had to drag my partner back to the states.
That was in November and now we are back in Florida :0(, I am 6 months past my BMX, just finished chemo and waiting to start radiation in July. Getting this freaking port pulled on Monday!
During my head-shaving party in January, I proposed to my partner. We just celebrated 10 year and we are going to NY state to be married on June 29th!
The good things that came from my diagnosis:
I learned to love myself more, forgive the 'imperfections' I just to beat myself up for.
I proposed to my love.
I unintentionally became an inspiration to my friends around the globe
I started a little business and created self adhesive head designs to wear while you are bald. Sassy Head!
I (unintentionally again) became an advocate for medical marijuana.
Life is INTERESTING!
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Congrats Jbokland! Gave me chills reading your post! Where can we find "Sassy Head"? You have made it thru the tough stuff...enjoy your new life with your soon to be wife!!
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Thank you!
You can find sassy head on Facebook or at www.sassyhead.com
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hi Gals, looking for fellowship from other Lesbians. San Francisco is lacking in support groups and Id love to connect with my people! Its a little isolating.
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