I know I cant be the only lesbian out here?
Comments
-
Hi all, I enjoyed reading your discussion about the "solidarity shave." I had a "friend" who was over when my partner and I told another good friend that I woud be going through chemo. This person shifted the focus to herself by saying she was going to shave her head too, she always wondered if she would look good bald, blah blah blah. I didn't even really know her that well, and my hair didn't figure prominently as my number one concern about chemo. She really seemed trite and selfish to me...and I was super irritated. As it turns out, because of my susceptibiity to infection I was advised not to shave at all, and when my hair fell out I still had little tufts (as short as I could get them!) in various spots on my head...very nice look:) I looked like an unkempt old man (my partner said she liked to think of me as the velveteen rabbit) and I really struggled with social interactions. It was not heroic, or cute, or brave...I just looked really sick and not myself.
My hormones are all over the place, and like Bookart, I can tell when they are back on...big difference in libido. I haven't taken hormones yet, but my partner is 10 years older than me so she had already started taking them when I went into chemopause. I may try them one day soon because she says they really make a difference, but right now I am not on any meds at all and i want to let my body have a chance at finding its own equilibrium for a while. When my chemopause has its fits and starts though, and my engine sputters back to life it is VERY noticeable:)
hope you all had a great weekend and are feeling well. Cheers, anne
0 -
Hi Anne...welcome to the group
That experience sounds dreadful. I give you major props for not calling her out. I'm pretty sure I would have. I often wish I had the ability to bite my toungue when faced with people like that. I did laugh at your velveteen rabbit comment though. It's a very sweet way to look at it.
I think, and I say think because I loathe the thought of it, I may have to take myself to the urgent care or ER tomorrow. I've had double vision all day today. Coupled with hand tremors that started happening over the weekend, I'm a bit concerned about this little turn of events. I don't have a headache, I haven't banged my nogging, I haven't even vomited since I started on the ani-nausea meds. Of course I did a google of it to see if this is something that I should be alarmed about...or if by some chance it could be related to what they think is going on with my small bowl (inlammatory issue?), and it is apparently something they encourage you to NOT sit on for a few days to see if it goes away. Really, one more bizarre thing that requires me to deal with medical appointments of any kind, I don't need. I also have a new boss, and the poor woman has been getting bombarded since she started a week ago Monday. I hate the thought of having to call her and say I won't be in, I need to get this checked out. Ugh.
Maybe I'll get lucky and I'll wake up tomorrow an it will be gone
Hope you all are doing well...is it possible to have a closed group chat via bco? Just a thought to our previous discussion about libido chats. Not something I'd go into detail about knowing anyone and their brother could swing by and eaves drop on our conversation, but if we could have a closed chat...I'd really like that. I have a LOT of guilt surrounding this topic.
Until we meet again...
0 -
Hi Everyone (new and old)
Navygirl, I think you should get this checked out as it does not sound quite right. I know some people who take Tamoxifen can have their eyes affected by this drug, but I am not sure if you are taking this. Irrespective it would not harm getting someone to look at your eyes, I work with eyes in my job and we always say to people not to sit on these types of problems with their eyes.
I agree I would prefer a closed group to discuss some of these more delicate issues - but I am not sure that BCO have this?!?
Happy Easter everyone and I hope that your bodies are kind to you
0 -
Had an appointment with my Med. Oncologist yesterday. Asked him if any of the estrogen blockers were less leathal on the libido. Think I freaked him out because there was a pause but then he said no. He did tell me that if I was feeling like crap that I could stop the blocker for a couple of months and if it really interfered that I could quit taking it all together. I'm looking for a different oncologist before the next appointment. You can tell by my stats that not taking the stuff would be really stupid along with the fact that like everyone we all have the ability to stop any treatment at any time so I didn't think I needed an appointment to tell me that.
Navygirl, Hope the eye and tremor situation was just temporary and they figured out what was going on.
It looks like spring might finally be ready to stay longer than a day here. Kris
0 -
Hi women! I'm new to this site (just joined today), and am so happy to find my lesbians here! If anyone figures out how to do a protected chat/blog, clue me in. I don't know how to access something like that just yet.
Navygirl - get checked out! Better safe than sorry, especially when it comes to eyesight! Are you having any dizziness with it as well, or just double vision? I started chemo (taxotere and cytoxan) last week, and have noticed a lot of dizziness and light-headedness when I stand (orthostatic), but it clears up after a few minutes, especially if I sit back down. I've also had increased tremers in both my hands and legs, but it seems to happen upon exertion (like getting a shower and dressing and going to work - I know, hard physical labor lol) and also resolves after I chill out for a while. I'm very fortunate that my job is not physically demanding, and that I have a wonderful, supportive boss and staff. Let us know what you find out... Hopefully it will clear up soon.
Cooka - I also loved the Velveteen Rabbit nickname! That's always been one of my favorite books, and that's such a sweet, endearing expression of love. I know exactly what you mean about the tufted hair. I'm too new to this to have any hair loss yet (and don't know if I will), but I had four rounds of very high dose chemo twenty years ago for acute leukemia (in lieu of a bone marrow transplant), and that's exactly how my hair fell out. I looked like such a "cancer patient" but wasn't permitted to shave either due to having no platelets at all (or blood - I had almost 30 transfusions over the course of my treatment - pretty much lived on other people's blood for nine months!). I wore hats in public because I hated wigs and turbins/scarves. I wish I could have just shaved it off and gone totally bald. That would have been almost fun!
I'm single now, after my partner of 16 years left me in 2005. I've dated on and off since then, but haven't found another true partner yet. I'm very anxious now about starting a relationship with someone new with this frankenstein body. I know that if someone really loves me, they won't care what I look like, but there's still that whole double mastectomy "coming out" process and the big "reveal" for the first time that I'm really nervous about. So far, there's no one even in the picture, so that's something I don't need to be worrying about right now, but it's in the back of my mind. And going through all this now has triggered memories of going through my first cancer with my partner by my side, and has made me feel more alone...
But I have a LOT to be grateful about, my prognosis for one thing, which is excellent. So I just need to get through the present, and then will face the future! I'm so glad to have found this site, and look forward to talking with you all in the days and weeks and months to come!
Happy Spring!
0 -
Hi girls, and welcome Aura...good to see you're all making it through the week...I poked around a bit and I don't see where we can have a "closed" discussion. I think we would have to go offline for that to happen
I think my double vision was a prelude to a migraine. I woke up at 4am with a monster that lasted most of the morning. But, when all was said and done, once that went away my vision returned to normal. I've never had that happen, but they do say that can be a prelude to a migraine so I'll chuck it up to that for now.
Aura...I completely get what you are saying about having apprehension about meeting someone new. My partner and I went through a rough patch about 2 years out from diagnosis. I was returning to normal health and energy, she was still in the caretaker mode, and it caused some friction while we swithced gears. I had every intention of staying single if we split...because the thougth of going through that whole scenario was just way to exhausting to think about. I suppose, if someone special enough comes around, it might not be as big a deal as we build it up to be in our heads. I hope that's the case, for you and all the women who find themselves starting over after bc. Maybe someone should start a matchmaker site for those with less than perfect bodies to meet. Take the pressure off from the start
I'm watching a segment on the news about a baby gorilla that has surrogate human voluteers who come in to cuddle her and snuggle her...I want to volunteer to snuggle a baby gorilla!! How awesome would that be?
Ok, short playdate with bco tonight...turning in early since I didn't have a very restful night last night.
Happy Easter everyone...
Bonnie
0 -
Great to hear it was just a really bad migraine that was causing the visual disturbances Navygirl- you must be shattered after that.
Welcome to Auralaine and anyone else I may have missed.
I am in a long term relationship, but I know the diagnosis did put quite a bit of strain on our relationship. I think in some ways it is easier for us (the patients) as we are plunged from op or treatment to another, whereas partners are often on the edge of this mayhem with little support. Counselling has helped us explore some of these issues and also other stuff that we have not dealt with over 20+ years.
I really do not know how I would feel or deal with being on my own, it has been so long. Sorry I cannot offer any thoughts on this.
Take care everyone
0 -
Auralaine, Been there, still there, but have done that. I've been single now for about 2 1/2 years most of which I was dealing with treatment or recovering from treatment of bc. I met a womun that I liked very much and was incredibly attracted to. I told her about the bc the first time we went out to eat because it was chinese food and I won't eat soy anymore. Several days after that we were talking about the side effects of treatment so I just took my shirt off and showed her. Figured better now before I got crushed if I was rejected. She didn't bat an eye and made a comment about strength going through what we have gone through. When we did become intimate I asked about 20 questions about how she felt about my chest being gone. She said it was like I was just a flat woman and for me she said it would be odd for her if I had reconstruction. The relationship didn't work out but had nothing to do with my apearance and who knows how things are going to go with the next womun I meet that I would like to have a relationship with but there are many womyn out there that are intelligent and kind who see us as more than just our bodies. I still have feelings for her and probably always will because of this but just working on being friends. I hope that takes some of the fear out of the mess. And yes, I was nervous as h$ll up untill after the first time.
It's acting like spring here so I got to get out on the motorcycle today. I really needed that. Hope things are going well in whatever stage of this situation we are in. Kris
0 -
Hi ladies! Started on this website just a few days ago and was so glad to see a sub section that was dedicated to the topic of lesbians....
I am not quite halfway through treatment for chemo, but would be interested in info about your thoughts and experiences about lack of nipple sensation due to reconstruction.
I will have one breast gone but reconstruction of the other one, using one nipple to create the other one. Therefore, I won't have either one.
Thoughts? Experiences? Anyone willing to share?
C.0 -
Hi C
Welcome to the group. I had a UMX and have no nipple on my UMX side and my natural nipple on my other side. My BS suggested that I had some symmetry surgery to my natural breast and I decided not to, after some research. I was concerned that I may have no nipple or reduced nipple sensation after the symmetry surgery and I did not want to risk this. It is a very personal decicion, but tlaking to others does help. There is a sub section on the BCO forum that discusses nipple reconstruction and there are some very positive stories and some that are not so positive. Hope this helps
0 -
Hi Navygirl, Auralaine, Emilysmom...Everyone! Glad you are through the migraine NG, hope you don't have many more of those but it is good to known it wasn't anything more sinister. Auralaine, how are you doing with the TC? I had four rounds also, I am so sorry you have to go through this again after going through it with acute leukemia.
C.- I really can't be more expansive about nipples but to say that I do miss them. Someone on here at one time was talking about getting a nipple ring (minus the nipple!) or something to at least feel a pulling sensation...I thought that was an interesting idea. Beyond that, hils gave you great insight I think. Hope everyone is feeling well and has a great weekend.
Cheers, Anne
0 -
Is this a very active section of the site, being just the lesbians?
I saw there was a section of introductions.... Is there any way to start it up again under a new name?
No. To be clear, I am not looking to pick someone up, for SO many reasons.....
But chatting with others would be insightful, especially as a single lesbian parent whose child had to stop living with me because I simply can't take care of her.
Just hoping to connect with some sisters who have more in common besides breast cancer... No matter what we talk about.
Peace,
C0 -
That was me who was thinking about piercing to get the sensation of pulling. I haven't done it yet. Missing my nipples is really the one thing I mind about having had the BMX: I've had no desire to mess around with trying to reconstruction breasts again.
I haven't done the piercing thing because chemo f'd my white blod cell count and I've had some trouble with infections in the past year. My counts have come up slowly since I finished treatment, which was more than 2 years ago, seem to be stable now, so if I stay well for a while I might do it. I've also been thinking recently about getting little tattoos in the nipple spots, but not of nipples. Just something for some visual focus. My daughter has some stickers that are cool little geometric figures, maybe something like that.
Kris, that is just odd, your oncologist offering up stopping treatment that easily. The hormonal loss is miserable, but aren't oncologists supposed to be the ones who guide you to the best treatment choices to avoid this beast coming back? It's certainly any individual's choice to turn down a medication, but I've never heard of an oncologist not wanting someone like us (I'm also ER+, my cancer was stage III) to use hormonal treatments .
I saw a new oncologist last week. Didn't want to change, my old one left the area. I don't like the new one. She thought the locally-applied testo cream I was using before would be OK. I have reservations. Wish they routinely tested for testo receptors on the tumors.
0 -
Outfield, I think he has his own agenda as to when he is going to talk about treatment options and that is why he thought I should know I could stop if I wanted. I learned most of what was going on with my situation long before he brought things up. Told him that tamoxafin was contraindicated in 3 of the medications I was and still take daily, his reply was that they had been doing that for years. I'm strong enough now and its time to get another doc. Yes it is crazy isn't it. I asked him once what they did about the progesterone positive part of it, my thoughts were that there must be a reason they tested for the receptors. He told me it didn't matter. I was 99% positive on both tests. Ouch on the ring where the nipple use to be. No more for me.
Emilysmom, welcome to the group. I didn't read into your post that you were trying to pick anyone up so no worries from me anyway. I'm sorry you've been seperated from your daughter. I know I had a heck of a time caring for myself and my two dogs so I could certainly see your situation. I hope things get better for you and your daughter.
I'm checking the dogpark out tomorrow. I haven't been able to control the dogs so couldn't take them out there for the last two years. I'm going to hike around to make sure there aren't any spots where I know we will get into more mud than normal before I take them out there. It will be a nice ride getting there. Hope everyone has a good rest of the weekend. Kris
0 -
Hello everyone-
I hope everyone had a stressfree Easter and things are going better than expected.
CS
0 -
I keep forgetting this is not like Facebook or something... I can't click like or dislike... But I am glad I found this place. I have gleaned so much info here in a few days. For the last four months since getting my diagnosis, I have refused to put my head in the computer or books. I am terrified of all the crappy information the Internet provides, so this is helpful.
CancerSucks... Not sure what you mean about the screen name comment...l maybe it was mentioned for someone else.. Or I am just double dense today.
About dating....myep, same question, When DO you tell person?
I keep getting an intuition that I will just know, but since I am nowhere near ready, I am not sure I want to spend time thinking about that right now. It's just that it's a good distraction from the real life PRESENT issues.
Baring my soul here, so bear with me....
As someone who has mostly dated in person before, as opposed to virtual online dating, I would hope I would meet someone in person to date, and it will fall into place naturally. But not a lot about my situation has come naturally.... Or easily, as I am sure is true for most. The online dating world is not something that I am totally unfamiliar with, however, and I even though I am not actively involved on a site, I get mailings of mutual matches, etc. recently I saw someone whose screen name was "survivor" something, and on of her pics was clearly a bald headed lady who had beendownthis road we all walk now.
I found myself partly wanting to sign upto chat with her aout thisverytopic of how she decided to move on and out herself so very out there in dating world AS a cancer survivor. As much as i can find myself getting stuck inthe self oity of having a mamed body forever, i have to believe that there are people out there who WILL be able and willing to themselves In a place of compassion during intimacy...
I ask myself if I could do it for someone else I cared aout,and I know I could. Sme people simply can't. Lets face it... We all only each need one person who will be that person for us.
I guess I have a different view on this as an advantage in the sense that right before I got my diagnosis, I had come to a goal of losing about 100 pounds, and I had dated a woman who wanted to date me for who I was INSIDE and not just ignore me because of my weight. It was the biggest self esteem shot I had onmy entire life. I imagine if I receive that again with this new body, it will be an even bigger boost.
Unfortunately, the relationship didn't work out for other reasons,but... I wouldn't have wanted to be dumped right inthe middle of cancer... It already sucks to be alone inall of it.
So, I guess I amsharingthat I have that same question, but I am trying to be hopeful through the eyes of my past situation, and to believe that there will one day be someone out there.
As for when? Not sure when u tell people, but I haveto imagine that there is not one solid answer.... I think if the right womancomesalong,that feeling of letting the walls downto share might happen sooner than feeling pushed to share it with people who are pushing to know for their own comfort level...
Just my two cents.
Hope everyone had a good Easter,spring, Passover, sunshiny day.
Peace,
C.
Off to rest up and look for my new vitamin since I start Taxol 1/12 tomorrow.
Here's hoping for the best for all of us.
C0 -
Outfield - now a nipple ring thats a thought, not sure my BS would support the idea. Have to say I would love to see his face. I suppose I would also need to think whether the ring might puncture my implant, os it might not be a goer.
Sorry I really do not know what to say about dating. I guess I would get to know the person first and see if it was going to be a goer before I opened up my heart and soul. I might even test the water by talking about a friend who had dealt with breast cancer and surgery (I know that might be a bit of a cop out) but at least you could see the reaction and go from there.
After 20+ years of being in a relationship I think I am probably a bit rusty on the dating front
If I ended up on my own now, I think I would call it a day but then I just think I am a bit of a wuss.Not much help I know. Glad to see that the forum has come alive, but I wish in many ways none of us had to be here. Hope you are all doing good and look forward to your next posts
0 -
HI all-
Emily's Mom-I misread your last post. There are no closed threads, private threads, nothing is private in life anymore. Sadly, I think we all have to be careful about the info we put out there. That might be why I have a love/hate relationship with facebook. Anyway, I want to send positive energy your way because I know you're receiving Taxol, while I was in the chemotherapy chair, ativan was my friend, it just relaxed me.
CS
0 -
Hi girls...you all have been busy little beavers haven't you? Wait, is it tacky to use that phrase here?
Welcome Emilysmom- I am also sorry you're here, but glad you found this thread. Sometimes, it's just nice to be around your own. I hated reading that you were forced to not be with your daughter because of this crap. That's got to be the absolute worst.
I read too many of your posts to distinguish much of the detail by name...except Kris mentioning going for a bike ride..that made my too jealous to ignore. I LOVED my motorcycles, but it was a non-negotiable with my girl so I haven't ridden in 12 years. Oh how I do miss it though.
A nipple-less nipple ring...hmmm. A tattoo I could do, but I don't know about a ring. I will say, in the begining I had very little sensation after my DIEP. It's been almost 5 years now (WOW) and I do have much of the feeling back in my chest. Oddly, the place that is still numb is the area between my naval and my bikini line incision from the recon.
As for dating...I am quite certain that if I were in the position, I would probably put it out there about my diagnosis and surgery from the begining. First, I tend to put out there what others might use against me...which for whatever effed up physcological reasons I learned growing up, makes me think I take the power from them TO hurt me. It's the way I've lived my life, and it's served me well so far. Secondly, I think by keeping it from someone I was dating I would feel like I was being a fraud. If you know ME, and you still want to go there - great, if you don't -then it's no loss to me anyway.
I will say, even though I love my girl, and I'm as dedicated to her now as I was before BC, it has changed the dynamics of our physical relationship. My mother lost her leg to an infection about 4 years into my relationship. By seeing my girls reaction to that, and how uncomfortable it mad her, I knew things would change. But I needed to do what I needed to do for me when I was diagnosed. I know she loves me, but I also know it's not in her to not be affected by this change. I wish it was different, but I accept that it's not and I don't hold it against her. I'm OCD (not horribly, but enough to have my own set of quirks) it's not in me to have a disorganized closet, or put the groceries in cubboard without having the labels facing out and the products grouped by categories. What can I say, we all have problems
I need to wrap it up...there were so many posts I feel like I might be missing something - so if I did, I'm sorry.
Be well you guys, for those in treatment - I hope the SE's are kind to you!
Bonnie
0 -
The very thought of a nipple ring, or a tattoo anywhere in that vicinity, gives me the shivers. I still have ALOT of feeling in my chest. When I go in a grocery store in the summer it feels like my nipples get hard. Except I don't have nipples anymore. I have heard of "ghost" sensations with a missing arm or leg so I guess it's normal. Odd, but normal. Sometimes my nipple itches (remember when your nipple itched?), and I cant quite scratch it. I suppose enough of the nerve endings are there so...I'm not complaining, it's as close to the real sensation as I'll ever have again.
In the meantime the weathermen are promising warmer weather tomorrow. I certainly hope so as yesterday and today could have been any other day in February. I have a different type of riding opportunity. A local woman needs someone to exercise her horse so I'll be doing some horseback riding very soon:). Haven't done that in a while and it truly feeds my soul. If I've learned anything from this wretched adventure, it's that I should do more things that feed my soul.
Have a great night and weekend soon to come!
GML0 -
Bonnie, I did 13 years without riding a motorcycle because of my ex. Not lettting anyone pull that anymore, love me then love me on that bike. she won't have to ride with me but I will be riding it. Sorry this crap has made that kind of change to your relationship, maybe the obvious change won't be so noticable after time has passed.
Been having a decent last couple of days. Weather still isn't normal spring but we tend not to have a real spring here, it goes from 50 something to 90 something in a week and a half with alot of rain thrown in.
Going to try an endurance ride tomorrow. See how far I get before my pec muscles get tired. I refuse to put a windshield or saddle bags on the bike so riding on the highway takes a little effort. Hope everyone is doing as well as they can be. Kris
0 -
Kris I hope you have a brilliant day on your bike, very jealous. Gave up my Suzuki 600cc when I migrated to New Zealand. The driving here is dire, so although I miss it I think I would have a very short life if I took it up again. Had enough close shaves on my bicycle. Car and truck drivers do not like to share with anyone.
Not sure about tats or nipple rings, I like the idea but I think I would be too chicken to go with either. But never say never.
Hope everyone is hanging in there and that the days are getting easier and warmer for everyone. I have just had the chimney swept in preparation for winter and wood fires. Hoping the warm weather stays just that little bit longer.
0 -
I just had round 2 of taxol. The first one was a roller coaster ride. I was high from the steroids for 2 days then crashed and burned. I think ill pace myself this round lol. I was so exited to have energy i was non stop. This treatment appears better so far no nausea. Still feel a little alienated and feel like this world will look different from now on. Thats not a bad thing.
0 -
Ellie, are you doing weekly taxol or dose dense? I just did my taxol weekly on monday.... Too many nausea meds if u ask me. Glad to not be dealing with it for once... Hope it doesn't change.
Hope u r feeling better from yours soon.
Peace,
Colleen0 -
Hi All-
Colleen- Did you take emends? I've heard other BC vets say it did wonders for them, it worked for me as well. Hope you found something to manage the side effects.
Hope everyone is doing better than expected.
Spring is trying to chase Winter away here in New England, stay warm.
CS
0 -
Ellie, Hope the side effects aren't as bad on the rest of them. I didn't do taxol but know that my perception along with other things were affected by treatment. I'm trying to list spelling as one of them but always had a problem with that.
Hils, Hope the warmth holds on a bit for you. I didn't do the marathon ride that I had intended, I took my dogs to a huge dog park we use to go to instead. I haven't been able to take them out there for a couple of years and it was good for all of us. If I could figure out how to load a photo here I would show you guys how much they like the lake. Did get alot of riding in the last couple of days so I am happy. Think the cage driver issue is universal and become worse with the use of cellphones.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.Kris
0 -
Haven't seen anyone else here in the past couple of days. Hope everyone is doing as well as possible. Its trying to be winter here still so I'm bumming. Lets here of some of the good stuff you guys got going on. Kris
0 -
Mutt, thanks for posting.... I listed thus as my fav wall to hear about but it seems hardly anyone goes here.
Having "family" to chat with is important to me.
I think lesbians end up dealing with it differently because of who we are...
Pretty much everyone deals with a spouse or someone accepting them afterward due to surgery issues, but I just think lesbians deal with it in different ways....
Not looking forward to that part.....l but only in chem0 right now, so can't even think of that. As a single person at age 52, it hits me hard..ll anyone else struggling with that?
Done with my AC "meds" and moved on to taxol 12 weekly doses for this regimen.
Much more tolerable. Whewwwww. The AC tossed me on my but for ten weeks. Mused a wheel chair and still using a walker to get around if further than the kitchen. It had a lot of complications and I am glad it is done!!!!!!
Only ten more taxols to go!
Bring on the spring. I am working my arms or some kayaking once the summer is here,
If it ever is!
Peace,
C. In michigan0 -
Hi everyone! Sorry the winter weather has come back to get ya! Maybe this will be the last gasp?
c. glad to hear you have made it through the AC and are heading for home.Sounds like your SE's were awful. I see you are a kayaker? I paddle too (don't know what I would do without it! Just had a huge regatta this past weekend and I felt like I was really full speed again (6 gold medals, whoot whoot...okay there were only five teams so no Olympics in my future!
. But, last year I had just finished chemo and was gulping for air so it felt great.My neighbor is single and in her 50's, and I have another friend who just had her 17 year rlationship end, so I get to hear their dating stories (some good, some bad), I can't imagine adding breast cancer to the mix...but do you think lesbians are more accepting or? I think the biggest problem is just the numbers game generally...but it has been 17 years for me since i was "in circulation"
Hope you all have a great weekend! Cheers, Anne
0 -
Walking tomorrow in komen. Will carry all of your names
0
