I know I cant be the only lesbian out here?
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That's awesome Lovegolf...you Rock on! I hope you have beautiful weather for it.
It's been a crazy arse week at work, and I haven't been feeling all that great, so I have not done much more than water my garden and yard once I get home from work, then settle in with a pup on my lap to chill out. It probably doesn't help that they've been waking me up every night this week doing road work outside my house all week. Why on God's Green Earth anyone would think it's a good idea to do road work from 11pm-5am...in a residential neighborhood...I have no idea. We're talking ripping up the road, and running jack hammers
![:\](https://community.breastcancer.org/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
On the plus side...my partner and I are meeting one of the sweetest people we know for dinner tomorrow. I call her my reluctant friend...we met during chemo, and if she had her way, she'd have just kept to herself during treatments. I wasn't having any of that, and eventually she gave in
I hope you all have a great weekend, with good times and as good as your health can be for whatever you're going through.
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Hey there. Just checking in to keep it active. Not much to say, though we have more spring-like weather here. It gets colder, then warmer - garden is going/growing like mad, and everything is budding.
Crazy thing - that Brian Williams Rock Center interview with the volleyball player and her husband - I wasn't wild about how they did things, but one thing rang a bell for me - she said for a healthy relationship, don't ever make your spouse beg for sex, or have to ask for it too much. It's not like I withhold, but because my libido is so low my partner has to remind me and ask me and that's driving a wedge between us. I'm going to have to get more proactive to keep my relationship - and I do want to keep it. Still working on it.
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Love golf... How incredibly thoughtful.
Thanks so much!
Hope the names weren't too heavy.
Hope u had a good time walking in it.
I can't wait to get back to doing stuff outside..l.
Wait, I can't wait to get back to waking into the drugstore without needing a walker.
That is step one. But every day gets better... Mostly. Up to lifting one pound weights now.
Hoping to kayak in late summer once I Am done with chemo and get my strength back.
I get OT and OT at home because spending some time in the hospital really knocked me out for about ten weeks. No energy for anything, no muscle tone.
Blah.
Keeping on keeping on...
The only way to do it.
Peace to everyone!
C
Ps... Snow in michigan today!!!
At least I don't have to shovel it.0 -
Thanks Lovegolf! I appreciate you bringing us along and hope you enjoyed it.
My heart goes out to those in the midst of treatment. I don't miss the nausea and I feel bad for those going through it. I remember laying on the bed after being able to eat one quarter of a piece of toast and praying to God that I wouldn't vomit.
Snow on the ground here this morning...they say it will be 60 tomorrow. I say I'll believe it when I see it.
Hope everyone has a good week!
GML0 -
Dating here is nonexistent, there is no longer a womyns bar and the mixed bars are being over run with straight people with strange agendas. Being flat and still suffering from crazy hair doesn't help. Softball season starts soon so hope there will be more lesbians out then. Doesn't sound like any of us are having much luck in this department. Keep on trying, it's bound to happen at some time. Kris
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Kris...I busted out on your "straight agenda" comment. I HATE when I read/hear people using the "gay agenda" phrase...wtf is that anyway? You mean the agenda where I have to do laundry, go to work, check in on my mom, pay my bills, keep my emotional self above the water line?
bookart...I saw that interview too, and while I was surprised to hear what she said, I don't disagree. Especially on the point about not making your other half beg. Ding Ding Ding went the alarm
I do respect her for saying, this is what works for me, and us...whether you agree or not is not the point. Especially in today's hyper connected world, where everyone feels entitled to voice their opinion on things that have zero effect on them, I think it was brave of her to put her business out there.
Golf, how was your walk? Did you make it the whole distance? I hope you had nice weather for it!
Hugs to all,
bonnie
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Hi all -
Sorry to be absent for so long. I operate mostly from my blackberry which doesn't seem as conducive to these forum style dialogues...
I had my second round of chemo last week (taxotere) and had an anaphylactic reaction to it. Suddenly couldn't breathe, my heart was racing, blood pressure skyrocketed and I was (fortunately) instantly surrounded by three or four nurses AND my doctor who came running in from the clinic. I have to say I was pretty impressed with their response time! They gave me "whopping" doses of iv steroids (their terminology!), waited about an hour, and then slowly restarted the chemo without further incident. The only problems I had afterward was being late for work and then being jacked up on the steroids for two days! I guess my final two rounds of chemo they're going to pre-medicate with all the steroids and hopefully avoid another reaction like that. I don't want to go through the steroid/crack reaction again, but also sure don't want another reaction to the chemo like that. Whew!
I had already decided that I would definitely get tats over the tatas, just not sure what yet. I already had four tats, including one on my chest that I don't like and had planned to do a cover-up on already (pre-BC), so this just plays into that plan. I had acute leukemia twenty years ago and had a hickman chest catheter during that treatment, so had gotten some chinese symbols tatted over my hickman catheter scar. But my ex wanted to have the same thing (she had gone through the leukemia with me) so one of the symbols supposedly stands for married love. Of course she left me six months later (after 16/27 years - long story). So I want to get that covered anyway...
My life has always been an open book, so I know I'll be up front with whoever I end up dating. I just don't know about being intimate and revealing this body. I've had so many surgeries in my life that I used to kid that I looked like Frankenstein, and that was pre-BC...
The other thing is that (okay, really opening up here) I AM A TOTAL HIPPOCRIT! I hate to say it ladies, but I LOVE breasts! Really - that's a huge part of being a lesbian to me. So I know in my heart that I would have reservations about dating someone who didn't have breasts... I feel really horrible and conflicted about that, but I'm just being honest. I know it wouldn't be a deal-breaker if it was someone I was really drawn to, respected, interested in, etc., but in terms of just meeting someone and not knowing them and deciding whether I wanted to invest time in getting to know them, and then knew they didn't have boobs, I don't know... Which is reason to not put it out there to others, but I really think it's best to be honest up front. I know I'll probably get a lot of flack for this post, but I welcome dialogue, and really need somewhere to explore my thoughts on this with lesbians and women who are going through this journey as well. Please don't hate me!
So on that interesting note, I'm off for the day. I promise to check back in more often, as I'm so happy to have found this forum... Anxious to hear everyone's thoughts...
Enjoy the weather, those of you who aren't getting snow or floods!
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Hi Auralaine
I don't think there is anything wrong with you saying that you love breasts, I think many lesbians do, I know I do. So in my books there is nothing to apologise for. For me that was one of the things I struggled with most losing my breast, because for me (rightly or wrongly) that is part of being a woman. So I definately hear you. But I also believe a person is more than their physical being and you often fall in love with a person because of other things, not just their body.
Your second chemo sounded quite dramamtic, glad to see that the medical staff responded really quickly and sorted things out for you. The added advantage is that at least now they will ensure that you do not have that experience again.
Hope none of you have been affected by the recent bombing in Boston or the explosion in Waco. The world is a bit of a crazy place at the moment - hopefully it will take a breather and settle down.
Hope everyone is good
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The idea of lesbians not liking breasts seems sort of foreign,so I think that our comments are understandable...
I think that we will each have different reactions to what person we would be with and how we will respond to them,likewise, how they will respond to us.
That is the questionable thing for me...
What will It be like for someone else I might be with who does love breasts so much that they might not want to be with me?. I can deal with that by knowing ahead of time that there simply will be people that I will not date because of that..... And I believe I will put myself out there just enough for people to know so that every first date, ASSUMING THERE WILL BE DATES, does not become a last date or end with being closed off.
Right now, I have to work on healing, which is a good thing,because I wouldn't want my time to best spent on everything else predicting the future. Already hard enough not worrying about reoccurrence...
I think that many lesbians love breasts and use them to feel intimate in different ways than many straight women do.... So, I concerns self with that,as I will have no nipples and therefore no sensation.....
That seems like it will bother me... And maybe the person I am with.
I try to remind myself that just having life is my gift, and therefore, I need to focus on that............. And I will keep trying to keep the focus there until the time might ever come to meet someone and move forward with all of this.....
NOT trying to sound naive.... Just trying to direct my energy to the place it is needed most right now.
Love breasts... I imagine most of us do. But perspective is good.
Peace.
Ps..... Auralaine, nothing wrong with you loving breasts!!!!0 -
Thanks EM and Hils for your supportive comments. I know I came off kind of shallow with that last post, and I really am the kind of person who has always looked at the total person first, and always considered body last. But I guess I'm projecting how I would feel dating myself now, and to take that to the next level, how I actually feel about my own body. Maybe time for a counseling "tune up..."
And EM - absolutely perfect to put it in perspective. At least I'm still here to worry about dating! Yea for that!
I also hope no one was affected by all the craziness we've had this week, and love and energy to those who may have been. Heartbreaking. Here's to peace and joy...
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Auralaine, I've had that discomfort with myself. I'm in a very long, stable relationship, and I know I would still love my partner if she had no breasts, but damn I would miss them.
It's probably good we don't get to date ourselves. I would fight.
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Funny, Outfield. My partner misses my breasts, but says she is so glad that I'm still around that it overrides that issue. I mostly miss the balance issue - with tits, you didn't see my belly as much. Now it REALLY sticks out. Dang it, just what I needed, another reason to lose weight. Yuck.
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Lol Outfield! I'm starting to think my cats are the only ones I'll end up with. Definitely headed toward the classic old spinster cat lady...
New topic: Hat, Wig, or Out of the Closet Bald?
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Been a couple of days since anyone has posted so here I go. Auralaine, if you go bald like I did make sure your head is protected from the sun. Had to posts signs at each one of my doors reminding me to put a hat on in the middle of summer to protect from sunburn.
Weather has been cold and nasty here still. Suppose to start being spring tomorrow then I think we go straight into summer by the end of the week. Hope everyone is doing as well as possible. Kris
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Mutt, good belly laugh at my blurry vision...
You write straight into dimmer, but I read it as straight BY summer,
Omg... Better get my glasses on!
Sorry for the misread!
Kansas still cold? JUST turned into warmer weather here. In the 6os yet going bak yo forties soo.
You ladies be well.
Peace,
C0 -
EmilysMom, between the two of us we could probably screw up more than our share of reading and writing. I wear my glasses all the time. Between progressive bifocals and watery eyes I can't see sh't if its printed. Weather was great today, spent the whole day on two wheels. Suppose to start getting nasty again after tomorrow with a record setting low plus rain for Cinco de Mayo. Kind of bummed out because there was suppose to be a softball tournament this weekend to benifit breast cancer, its probably going to get rained out. This weekend is also the big 50 for me, will probably spend it inside having a few beers. Thats it from here.
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Hoping that the rain stops and that the Breast Cancer Benefit can happen as planned. Plus hoping you have a great birthday, I promise to raise a pint to celebrate at the weekend. Hope everyone is OK as a few of you haven't checked in for a while (Navygirl and Auralaine) sorry if I have missed anyone!
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Hi all - Happy Cinco de Mayo! And Happy 50th Birthday Mutt!!! That's a huge milestone! Hoisting a frosty mug of Diet Dr. Pepper to you right now - Cheers!!! I hope you have a fantastic weekend doing everything you want!
Had another treatment Tuesday and zero energy since, plus a few other irritating side effects (queasiness, no appetite, metal-mouth, diarrhea.) But overall I can't complain - no actual vomiting, no thrush or mouthsores, no infections. Still have a little bone pain from the Neulasta, but Claritan has really made a HUGE difference! I don't know why the makers of Claritan aren't doing research on that so they can start marketing it for bone pain and docs can legitimately prescribe for it. Maybe they are... Anyway, anyone having bone pain from Neulasta - give Claritan a try!
I'm totally bald now - shaved down the fuzz to a smooth cue-ball. We've had gorgeous weather here (80s!), and I drove around with my sunroof open Thursday and got a little sun on one side of my head. I have some hats that I wear, and a wig for work, but am going a la naturale as often as possible. I've really been wanting to get out in my little garden and clean up the winter remains, but just haven't had the energy for it this week. I'm really hoping I'll feel up to it this afternoon when it warms up a bit, and I'll be sure to wear either sunscreen or a hat. I wouldn't mind getting a little color up there - I think I'd look a lot better if my scalp wasn't so snowy-white!
My expanders continue to drive me nuts - it's a real creepy-crawly feeling to have these things slapped on my chest. I can't wait to get them out (hopefully in August), and I pray the implants are more comfortable. I'm tempted to just say f**k it to the whole shebang and go flat.... But I do want some *shape* with clothes, so I'd end up using prosthetics, and I hear they're just as uncomfortable as the expanders, except removeable. I guess I need to wait out the chemo and follow the plan for now.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend! Thanks for being here - I'm so glad I found you all!
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Oh - I'm starting a portfolio of breast tat pics so if anyone's seen great breast tats, I'm interested. (I have the gorgeous "bra" style one that's been making the rounds - I love all that color!) Once all this is over, I want to get some ink on my chest (a large design, not nipples), but am not totally sure what I want. So I'm collecting ideas - any links to pics, or ideas/suggestions, would be appreciated! Thanks!
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Ok ladies, if you tatt up then I will too. We have to figure out a place to put our submissions to the group where everyone can view them. I will work on that. Untill then you can up load photos to your computer, turn them into black and whites then hit real high contrast. It will give you outlines of photos in kind of a sketch type manner. From there it might be easier to visualize a tattoo. I use to be able to draw but hands are shaky so that doesn't work so well. I have never had a tattoo untill they marked me for radiation, I was rather proud of that but hell the spell has been broken. Iv'e been working on photos all night, Drag King show from Wed. so kind of in the photo mode right now. Don't let me chicken out from this, I hate pain.
Hope everyone is having a good beginning of the week. Weather didn't break here but did manage to get out and get some decent mexican food. Tried Menudo for the first time, I can say I tried it now. So far 50 isn't a hoot. Kris
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Thinking about a tatt - but then I do a lot of thinking.
One question that I do have is re Lymphodema and tatts. I am certainly not saying they are related, but if you do not have BP on your MX arm or blood draws and try to protect the arm from bites, scratches etc. Is there any risk in having a tatt? I presume not as everyone seem to have nipple tatts, but I just thought I would ask the question, because it got me thinking.
Strange old weather here at the moment - yesterday we had gales and it could not stop raining and today I have woken to perfect blue skies and the sun shining. Won't complain
Hope everyone is good
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I am happy to have found this thread on the discussion boards. I went to my first breast cancer support group tonight. I am 38 years old so I tried a Young survival Coalition group. It's a group of women diagnosed when they are young. It was a great group discussion but I feltawkward with everyone talking about their husband's and all of the issues straight couples have. (I have been with my wife for 6 years) Also, I had a hard time relating to their need for breasts and hair. It was not super easy to lose either of mine, but I have felt very comfortable with my new look. I have neither breasts nor hair right now. I have chosen to not have reconstruction. I am a feminine woman who likes to look pretty, but I am really enjoying not having breasts. My wife suggested I look for a lesbian support system, so I looked and found this thread. I am wondering if there are lesbians out there who are willing to discuss all of this cancer crap! It is really late here so I have not had an opportunity to read any of the other posts yet. Hopefully tomorrow!
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Mamy, you found us. I think at some point in time we all went to some type of support group that was mainly made up of straight people, it just isn't the same. We will do our best to be there for you. I'm on the butch side but haven't had any reconstruction and the annoying part of being bald was it was winter and it was cold. I'm also a little older than you so that may make a difference too.
There is a risk of lymphedema doing the tattoos. I need to do a little more research on it but not sure if its in the infection risk or just aggravating the hell out of our lymphatic systems.
Weather behaved today so was out riding all day. Going to rain for the next 3. Gotta love the midwest. Kris
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Welcome Mamy! So glad you found us! I'm new to this site myself, and have found everyone to be so supportive! It's also such a relief to have somewhere to go to talk about "lesbian issues" as they relate to BC.
I understand where you're coming from in terms of not missing hair. I'm totally bald right now (in fact peeling a little from a tad too much sun through my sunroof last week!), and alternate between going full out bald, wearing hats, and wearing a wig. I feel a little uncomfortable going totally bald at work, so I usually wear my wig there, although I have worn hats a few times, and would more often if I had a better hat-to-professional-clothes ratio. Good hats are hard to find! On the upside - I found out my insurance (BCBS) has a wig reimbursement benefit, and I filed a claim last week and actually got the check yesterday! Wow!
So on the other hand, I really miss my breasts. They weren't able to do resconstruction, so i currently have expanders in, which I hate like the devil, but will eventually get implants. I posted a few weeks ago about breasts and how I feel about them - you can find the posting and read it. Part of it is that I'm currently single (after my wife of 16/27 years had a mid-life crisis and left me several years ago). It's currently very scary for me to think about dating with this body. So far, I've compartmentalized that and am just working on getting through treatment for now, and will worry about dating later.
So tats! Kris - a site where we can all upload pics would be fantastic!!! And I hadn't heard about that method of transfering a pic into a stencil. Good to know! I don't know anything about the lymphadema risk with tats. I didn't think it would be a big risk as long as the tat stayed away from the armpit area? Hmmmm. I eventually want a tat to run across at least one breast (maybe both) and up to my shoulder and down my upper arm. This was a long-term plan of mine pre-BC, so the matectomies actually fit into the plan nicely. I hadn't done it yet partly due to cost and mainly because I'm still searching for designs and trying to figure out exactly what I want.
Sorry you're not thrilled with 50 yet Kris. I passed that milestone several years ago, and I have to say, so far I have not been impressed with my 50s either. But as they say, it beats the alternative and we're still here... I keep thinking it has to start getting better one of these days.
Enjoy the day ladies!
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Hello All- My partner of 9 years just went through her first round of AC on Thursday. Are there any other caregivers out there? This is hard for me and I want to be the best that I can for her. Any suggestions for anything I can do besides tasks?
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KTs Support be there through the good and the bad. It is often hard being the partner because as the person going through the treatment you are busy just coping with it all and for me I was just living for each treatment and could not see beyond that. It is often hard to talk and express exactly how you feel and sometimes you can be angry and unfortunately your caregiver can get the brunt of that. Your emotions can be all over the place and you think that your caregiver just does not get it because they are not going through what you are going through. It is nothing personal but the person going through treatment is coming to terms with it all and often your loved ones can get in the firing line of emotions. Don't be afraid to ask for help - for you both, we found counselling helpful as it allowed both of us to express how we felt and discuss some of the issues we were both going through.
There is another group that a few people on here are also member of on Facebook which is a closed group. There are a few more partners on this board if this is of assistance. https://www.facebook.com/groups/LesCanSurvive/
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Hi, KTsSupport--
I just asked my partner if she would be willing to respond and she says she will. I think she did a great job at it, AND I'm pretty sure I did not see all the moving parts as she was supporting me through treatment. I'm going to email her a link to this board so she can follow up.
On behalf of your partner, and everyone else going through treatment, thanks for your support and for asking for help as you do that job.
Virginia
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KTsSupport,
Hils had excellent advice about asking for help. It is very important that you reach out to others for your support, too. The only way you can stay strong is to have people pitch in when you are at allow point. Be specific about your needs from your support network of friends and family. They are not mind readers and they will do something they think is sweet and helpful and it will inevitably be the wrong thing to do!
I know this because I was the caregiver of my partner and many times I felt alone in my private battle with her cancer. I say private battle with her cancer because I didn't want her to see that I was having trouble in the beginning. I wanted to be that rock and for a solid 23 months I was her only rock. But I learned about 12 months into her battle that I was a mess and needed other people to help me out. The help came in droves and my goodness it was the best thing I ever did because it afforded be to be the rock my Robin needed.
Robin did pass away a year ago. Robin's disease was caught very late. But I want you to hear that your partner needs you and you need others. If you would like my email address PM me and I will gladly give it.
Take care,
Donese0 -
Baldness bothered me mostly by being COLD. After September or so, I wore a hat all the time. I definitely think it helped having spent a lot of time with women with shaved heads by choice - I just didn't mind the look that much. It was fun for me when it grew back in and I went through stages of looking shaved, then a faux-hawk. But boy did I mind the cold, really minded it. Seems like it got into me and never really got all the way out. When I started working more hours again after I was recovered from chemo (took a darn while) I treated myself to the warmest down parka I could find. It has a great hood. I love it, and I don't even live in a particularly cold place. never want to be that constantly cold again.
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Thanks so much Hills. I requested to join.
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