I know I cant be the only lesbian out here?
Comments
-
Checking in here. Almost 5 years out and I found a lump along the mastectomy scar line. Ultrasound was inconclusive so I have a needle biopsy and a body scan next week.I downplay it to my partner but in reality I am scared shitless. I know many of you know what this feels like.
0 -
oh no! JustJean... Let us know how it goes.... sending hopeful wishes for you!
0 -
I know your scared and I'm sending you some strength and well wishes! Please let us know!
0 -
Thanks, I am scheduled for the tests on Wednesday. Don't know how long I'll have to wait for the results. I've been quilting like a madwoman to take my mind off it, but it really doesn't work.
0 -
Well, it's back. ILC.
Fucking cancer.
0 -
Oh, JustJean, I'm so sorry to hear your news!
I haven't posted (or read much on any of these boards for a long time, but decided to check back in. I'm now two and a half years out from my diagnosis and working toward 2 years on AI meds. Things are mostly going well medically and things are going very well relationshop-wise. I also have that situation that my "partner is a homosexual." We've been together 26 years, married for about 5, and we're about ready to go on a vacation.
The Femara is kicking my butt a bit, with aches and pains and some sleep issues, but I'm explaining it to myself as just a little flare-up of symptoms from changing from one generic manufacturer to another. SO I'm hoping things will calm down soon on that front.
JustJean, keep us posted on your diagnosis and treatment plan as it develops.We are here.
0 -
Hey Lumpy3! We are practically neighbors! I live in Citrus Heights. Getting hitched on June 21,2015
There are plenty of us out there !0 -
I'm a lesbian just diagnosed in December.
0 -
Hi fyre999 - I find this thread is not very active. You might find more support on one of the threads related to your particular treatment or type of BC if you haven't already. I'm really sorry you have become a member of this lousy club none of us want to be in, but you will likely find lots of support and information here. I found that first month or so after diagnosis while finding my provider team and figuring out the treatment plan to be absolutely the worst!! Once the decisions are made and treatment gets going it isn't fun, but emotionally way easier than the initial shock and uncertainty. So I suspect you are feeling pretty scared right now - it does get better! I was diagnosed in September so I'm only a few months further down the road, but happy to answer any questions that I can!
0 -
Thanks for replying! I did start one thread. I'll see if i can find your thread.
0 -
I actually havent started any threads but you can click on my name and see where I have posted. Do you know yet what chemo and/or surgery you will have? There are threads of folks who start chemo in a particular month that can be helpful to read and threads for lumpectomy vs mastectomy if that is a decision you have to make. Lots of people sharing how/why they made particular choices that you may be facing.
0 -
Sorry, all, I've been dealing with a lot of my own crap (recurrence #5) and I sort of quit checking here. But I don't know why the last few conversations haven't shown up as notifications because I have thread on my "favorite" list.
I wish this thread was more active. We have a unique perspective and experience on this damned disease.
JJ
0 -
Thank you! I did find that thread last night and joined it. This week is so super busy for me!! I have no idea how they are going to fit it all in. Tomorrow I meet with a plastic surgeon, then my oncologist and I should have the results of my MRI. Then I'm supposed to get a PET or CT scan, port put in, chemo class, EKG, Echocardiogram and I think I'm supposed to maybe get a bone scan and go to the dentist. Hello! There's not enough hours in the day! To top it all off, I have to get my recertification for working with vent patients and I work Friday. I have a feeling they are going to say no on the work part. I think they want me to start chemo next week.
0 -
Wow, that is a lot, but really great it's moving so fast! I hated the waiting time between everything. Kept imagining the cancer spreading while I waited even though I'm a doc and know it isn't so fast. Sounds like you will be getting neoadjuvant chemo, so you will have plenty oftime to think through your surgical choices.
I have been working 3 to 4 days a week through chemo, but it's not for everyone. Take whatever time you need! I wanted the sense of normalcy, but tomorrow I go back after a two week holiday break. It will be my first time at the hospital where I work since losing my hair. I'm kind of dreading all the looks and questions, but it is what it is! My partner is fine with my bald self at home, but I plan to go the scarf route at work.
Good luck with all your tests and consults! The port was pretty easy, but make sure they give you some pain meds in case you need them the first few days. They told me Tylenol would be enough, but it definitely wasn't enough for me the first night or two. Better to have an option just in case.
0 -
Hi Jean, I'm new on this thread, but so sorry to hear your lousy news. Five recurrences!! Ouch!! I sure hope you have good support from your medical team,partner and others!
I'm curious how people feel being lesbian has changed their experiences with BC. Maybe because I live in the SF Bay Area, it just hasn't been an issue that I have been aware of. The docs and nurses have been totally inclusive of my long time (30 + year) partner. I can well imagine that would not be the case everywhere though. I am incredibly lucky to have such a supportive and loving partner by my side through this. Not that we haven't had our moments. Sometimes we are out of sync with when we each get truly pissed off at this disease and act out a little. But overall, having a woman as a partner seems like it is easier that what I see some hetero couples going through.
0 -
Hi,
I am being treated in NYC so being a lesbian is not an issue. None of the MDs or RNs seems to have cared at all and of course there are gay care givers here. It makes things easier to have everyone focused on my cancer, not my wife.
Best to all,
Barbie
0 -
Hi Everyone, I just noticed this thread! I didn't see it before. I am also a lesbian with breast cancer. Ta da!
I haven't found the lesbian part to be an issue anywhere I go. The biggest plus: My wife gets to sit in the "ladies dressing area" subwaiting room with me while I wait to be called for radiation and she gets to just wait for me there. I feel really bad for the straight women who have to part with their husbands and go it alone during that part. I saw a husband crying in the other waiting room and felt like he'd feel so much better if he got to stay with his wife. January 16, my wife and I celebrated our 29th anniversary and the radiation techs were all very excited and cool about it.
Anyway, hoping all are doing well...
0 -
Hi,
I have a question about reconstruction. I have mistaken for a man most of my life, I am 57 and have not always worn a bra. My breasts sag. I am trying to decide if I want reconstruction. If only one breast is removed, how will they ever match? What have others done? If I do not do reconstruction I will never be seen as a woman.
Thanks,
Barbie
0 -
Barbie, I always had small breasts. I tried to do reconstruction but it was not a good fit for me and I had them taken out. I believe that a lot of women have reductions done on their remaining breast in an attempt to make them the same size. A plastic surgeon could tell you more, and there are threads on here that also address that. Welcome to BCO!
0 -
I opted for mastectomy in 2009 instead of neoadjuvant chemo and radiation after a lumpectomy, no reconstruction. My Dr. was shocked but he got over it. 38 B so not large breasts. For work, I wore a prosthesis and hated it. The first thing I always did was take off a bra after work, actually on the drive home sometimes, so the prosthesis just added another layer of discomfort. In 2012 after a couple of wacky mammograms, I opted to have the other breast removed prophylactically. The only decision I have ever regrettted was not having them both removed in 2009. I have thoroughly enjoyed being breast free. My partner has never had a problem with it. Best of luck with your decision.
0 -
Oooh! Lesbian thread! I am so happy! I am also a lesbian survivor. Like the Professor, I will say -- Ta da!
My wife (of eighteen years) and I just got officially federally married (after four other non-legal or state-based weddings). We have not had a problem so far. But I wouldn't say we were always thoroughly welcomed together, or understood. Sometimes, even though she is only four years older than me, she is mistaken for my mother! I find that to be an excellent pick-me-up.
Barbie, you have had some excellent advice from the sisters here already. I will only add that we are here to support your decision, whatever it may be. And I think you look so cute in your avatar! Who cares what people think, you are adorable!
Sending hugs to everyone.
0 -
Barbie, the only other thing I would say is to really investigate the complications of reconstruction before you make a decision. I have a couple of friends who had serious problems with the multiple surgeries and recovery. Both have told me that they regret the decision to have the surgery. I'm sure that is not always the case but be sure to do a lot of research.
I was also very happy to find this thread. I live in the deep south and, after a couple of awful interactions with health care providers in the past, have always been cautious in bringing up my sexual orientation in the medical setting. When I got the bc diagnosis, I decided screw it. I need my partner there, she is my family and my support. Fortunately, things have gone really well. As a matter of fact, my partner didn't go to my last appointment with me and my oncologist asked about her and asked if we were doing o.k. It was very refreshing and meant a lot to me.
0 -
Gosh, how wonderful to see more of us in this thread! Woot!
I bowed to the pressure of reconstruction and had expanders with a first fill put in at the bilateral mastectomy. The first thing I said after waking up from surgery was "get these OUT of me". Yes, I was one of the few who just could not tolerate them in there. That was by far the most miserable 3 weeks I ever spent in my life until I convinced the docs to take them out. I get very self-conscious going flat but picking tops that don't draw the eye to the area work for me.
Now I'm on recurrence #4 (yes, 5 times with this crap) in the last nine years and it looks like Stage IV is now here, although the lesions on my bones are too tiny to biopsy at the moment so it's not official. But you know what they say, it if looks like a duck and quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, well, it's probably a duck.
Welcome all to the thread!
0 -
I am here too Jean! We're here if you need us. Let us know how your treatment plan unfolds. They will find something to kick this new duck to the curb.
Sending you hugs. {{{Jean}}}
Barbie, what Sarah and Jean say is true of many, I think, and the complication rate from these surgeries is higher than the doctors let on. That being said, people can have compelling reasons to give it a shot. I have been on both sides of this issue. Originally diagnosed 2008, and an MX was always in my future. I always knew I wouldn't 'reconstruct.' I don't even agree with the word!
But then I had a daughter with special medical needs. She is in the process of being diagnosed with epilepsy, among other things. I love her so much. She was six when the MX began to look like the next step. I began to understand that having her see me without clothes might be an issue for her. I thought carefully about it, even seeking therapy. I wanted to be sure it was not me projecting that idea onto what she might think (even though I had always known I wanted to be flat, should it come to that).
I ended up trying recon. I was lied to many times by a dishonest and manipulative PS. I did much research, asked many questions. I ended up having every complication, including life-threatening ones. I explanted the TEs -- I had six surgeries last year to deal with the aftermath of two life-threatening infections.
So I am a person who has been on both sides of this issue. I can't judge the sisters who try reconstruction, nor can I judge their reasons for trying it. I am just here to support you, whatever your decision. Sending you hugs.
0 -
Well said, bobogirl... well said!
0 -
I haven't had any major issues with my partner going with me to appointments but it's near Austin, TX so it's pretty progressive anyway. The only thing that anyone has weirded out about is when I refer to my partner as my "husbutch". One said she refuses to say that, as if it was somehow insulting (lol) and the other just looked at me like I had 3 heads. Well I was really just making a funny. I mean it's real but it certainly wasn't said with any demands or seriousness. I just brushed it off and laughed. I also use male pronouns with my partner, as was requested of me years ago, so it's just second nature. That tends to get crap from all sides but once again, I just brush it off and move on. It's not a big deal to me. I'm just with someone who happens to color outside the lines and refuses to identify as either gender fully. Regardless, we make a freaking awesome team and the love and devotion is definitely there. We never hide anything. We just go about our business as normal and everyone else can suck it if they don't like it. :-)
0 -
Lesbian; Northwest; nobody has been anything but respectful of my wife and our relationship.
0 -
great to see so much more activity on this thread! And so many long term relationships. I love it!
I jut had my 10 th of 12 Taxol/ Herceptin infusions and now know what the MO meant by "the SE will be cumulative". Fatigue now has a whole new meaning for me, despite thinking I knew what it meant having worked a demanding job full-time while raising three children. I'm not looking forward to the radiation therapy to follow, and finishing out the year of Herceptin. It feels like such a long road, but I know many are going through much much harder treatment and I am grateful to have access to it.
Wishing each of you health and happiness!
0 -
Brandi999: You got that right. It's all about the love and devotion. I am so lucky to have my wife and our son. Tomorrow we are having a couple over for dinner (one of them was also recently diagnosed with BC) and our son said, "Oh! How nice to meet some new lesbians!"
TTFan: You hang in there and power through. After finishing chemo I am sure you'll find radiation to be a lot easier.
0 -
Thanks for the words of encouragement Professor! And love the quote from your son, sounds like something mine might have said. How old is you son? Our kids are well grown now, 23, 28 and 29, but thankfully all live close by.
0
