August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
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I'm so sorry Lizzy! You may remember, I lost my dad last Feb 14 very suddenly- coming up on the one year anniversary. It is a very difficult thing when you've recently completed the cancer stuff...that's for sure. Please take care of yourself.
My condolences to your family also.
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Thanks, everyone. It is hard...the bond of a daughter with her mother is so strong. It was a very difficult loss. I still feel her presence, however! You just never plan to lose your mom. Very hard.
Calamtykel: yes, I remember you losing your dad. One year and it was sudden. I will be thinking of you on that day. It is very hard. In one corner in a hallway I have a montage of my father on one wall and one of my mother. I pass that corner on my way to bed so now I say goodnight to both and remind them to get along!
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So sorry Lizzie for your loss. Thinking of you. Rachel xo
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Liz, so sorry for your loss.
Carolyn
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Took my son today to meet some of his hockey heros--he got to skip school---the NY Islanders are in town and the assistant coach's son on my youngest son's team plays on NY Islanders. Got autographs and pictures--day to remember for my son--we got lots of pictures and due to the fact that his Dad was with us--got to spend more time with the players! Plus, my son brought an extra hockey card he had of Matt Moulson after I told him how much Debbie's son loves that player--we got that hockey card signed and will send it off to Debbie's son! Here's a pic--my son is the kid smiling widely--wearing jacket #10:
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Happy happy faces!!!
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Good day, warriors-
Just received something interesting on Twitter: http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/judge-orders-drug-companies-to-enter-mediation-in-lawsuit-claiming-des-breast-cancer-link/2012/01/20/gIQAqPYPEQ_story.html
You all might want to take a quick look. Amazing how they are finding some definitive causes of bc.
Everyone: thanks for your prayers and thoughts. It is so hard. She is at peace, however.
Rachel: what a great, great smile!
Good day, all-
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OMG Rachel....that's Matt Moulson! What a great pic. The boys look like they are thrilled! Thanks so much for thinking of Kieran, I just told him and he is soooo excited!
Debbi
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Debbi..no prob...sending in mail today so hope you get soon...included an extra of John Tavares!
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Lizzy I am sorry for your loss. Sending prayers for you. The montage's you have sound like a comfort.
I have been off the site due to loss of power here in the Pacific Northwest. We left and went to our DD's returning Sunday evening. I have a renewed love for electricity.
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Good day, warriors-
I hope everyone is doing well. I have been busy, actually trying to keep busy, to keep my mind off recent events....
Ginger: isn't it funny when the electricity comes back on, our love is so fervent for that basic and indispensible technology?! To be honest, and I don't know why, but I never lose power here. This is the only I have ever lived in where I don't lose power. I lived on the beach for over 7 years and when we lost power down there is was startlingly dark because of no horizon lights. I don't miss that! Thanks for your well-wishes. I miss my mom and always will. There is something so very potent about mother and daughter connection, it is everlasting. She lived on Narragansett Bay for a while and loved RI, esp Block Island. We will be having a service and sprinkling her ashes off the coast of RI. It is what she wanted. I am not doing it now, however. I am going to keep her home with me for a while
I know perhaps that is morose but it is a process and I am working through it. Neither of my parents wanted to be buried. They were both concerned with urban sprawl and wood boxes filled with ashes eating up the animals roaming capabilities! I wish for cremation as well. These are simply containers and the soul goes on....or so I like to think! Everyone: do any of you receive information from the ACS? I never receive anything from them. My ex from NJ has stage II diabetes. He asked me to sponsor him last year for a ride. Of course I did. It really surprised me when he was dxd b/c he was always tall and on the thin side but it just goes to show you if you are blessed with a high metabolism and can eat and drink whatever you want, the body beautiful will catch up with you just the same! For those of us who battle weight, it is a little good news! In any case, I am on their mailing list now and boy, do I get a lot of stuff! I finally called and asked to be taken off the list but I get "nothing" from the ACS. I find that odd. Just wondering if anyone else is having a similar experience?
That is all from here. Hope everyone is doing well-
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I think if you send the ACS a donation you will get plenty of mail.
Seriously though, I think if you contact them they will send you info of whatever sort you are interested in receiving. I don't think I have received any info from them myself but I never inquired. I think keeping your mom at home with you is sweet. You will know when it is the right time to release her ashes.
I never had that special relatrionship with my mom, she had terrible losses as a child and couldn't make a bond with me. I do have that special relationship with my daughter and granddaughters and I tresasure it. As a child and young adult there were a number of women who showed me love and guidance. As a teen I suffered and as a young adult I began therapy and a number of different programs that helped me heal in steps and stages. I will always long for that special relationship, but have found in parenting my children well, I did indeed reparent myself.
Blessings and hugs
Ginger
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Ginger: that made me cry! I am weepy these days anyway! I am glad you feel that great connection with your dd and dgd. It is special and I will always miss her. Even when I saw her recently and she was not doing too well, I finally showed her my scars which now really makes me feel bad! We were very close. I was the closest to her of the 3 of us (was 4 buy lost my older brother 14 years ago) and I am taking this loss the hardest. You know, I guess when you become a parent, like your mom, you never really know how your own traumas could manifest nor do I think anybody suspects it could be emotionally incapacitating. I am sorry your mom's experience left her unable to connect but it happens all too often. Things that happen can slowly but surely negate one's capacity to give and show love. My sister always said she did not connect with one of her dd. It is tough on the parent who knows the connection is not there, is hard to form. My heart breaks for you but you are nothing short of surrounded by love now
That is a wonderful thing. I, as a teenager, had the deliterious influence of my father's wife! My mother was traveling/embroiled with her job while I fell under the tutelage of this "thing" he married. You are lucky you had women around you showing you love rather than being a very intelligent young person trying to figure out this enigma that was hateful and ruining your family!!! On more than one occassion I was the equivalent of the German Shepherd with its head tilted, trying to understand this person that my father married!!!!! The day my father passed she may as well have also because the chances I will ever speak to her again are zero. My mom, however, she was always in my life and I love her and will always love her. She was very special to me and I was undoubtedly closer to her than I ever was to anyone else on this planet.
There goes that bond, Ginger
I hope you have a great, electric-filled evening!
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Sorry I've been MIA.
Lizzy: My mother died 3 years ago this last Nov. She and I were so close, that it was actually a semi-painless loss. I know she loved me with all her heart, which is how I loved her, and I know I will see her again. It's hard to explain ... but I love you and feel for you.
Debbi: Thanks, he's still my Dh and I "guess" I still love him, but I agree, what an a-hole. I got in an argument the other night with my brother about Newt Grinchich. I asked "how can you vote for man who left his first wife when she had cancer and his second wife after she was diagnosed with M. S.? You think Mark is an asshole for leaving me, but you think Gringrich is the bomb?"
No offense, I don't mean to get political, but come on ....
Anyway, love you all and hope all is well.
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Good evening warriors!
Lady: I love you, too! I feel so bad for you even having to waste any oxygen fighting over Gangreneich! I have names for them all, as follows: Scotorum, Pauly D(Jersey Shore!), Romneyator and Gangreneich! Good for you for putting your brother in his place. It was very insensitive of him not to realize that supporting Newtsy is like saying your soon-to-be ex is wonderful. I watch the debates but mainly for entertainment purposes! I tweet away about them! I am very much an independent and don't vote party lines ever. I just think Newt is a D bag and Romney is almost like running for President because he wants something to do! Ron Paul is the most genuine and that is also why I gave him the most flattering of my nicknames, Pauly D, because he is a good guy! As for voting, I think I will close my eyes and press some buttons!
I hope you are getting out there and having some fun! Don't stay in, get out and cut a rug, woman! Go enjoy yourself!
Night all-
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Lizzy I thought I should explain my Mom's loss as a child. When she was about 6 or 7 her three little sisters all died. Two from some sort of poisoning, a month apart, and then one from Diptheria about a year later. She was the big sister and had one younger brother at that time. Thus her inability to attach to me, her only child and a girl.
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Just checking in. Lizzy, so sorry for your loss. I've always thought the worst part of life is dealing with the end of life. Hopefully you will find peace. My thoughts and prayers to your family.
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Hi Lizzy, I'm sending a prayer your way. Hope the next few weeks are okay for you, moms are pretty special. XO
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Am heading into the dreaded checkup time with both my oncologists. My nerves are a little on edge due to various people that I know that are dealing with a recurrence or some sort of worry. I'm not overly worried about my breast checkup but am a little more concerned with my cervical cancer checkup as I have had some aches and pains that are sort of lingering around. Blah.
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rachel sorry you are worried. You know with abdominal surgeries you can still get pangs from adhesions and scar tissue long after surgery.
lady I'm so sorry about Mark. It must feel like one more thing cancer took away. Take time to heal and please pamper yourself; you've been through the wringer this last year. I see someone bright, funny, beautiful and strong and when you are ready there will be someone kinder and stronger than your ex.
I had my first tattoos today - nipple tattoos - and also had my port removed. I am pretty sore but happy to be rid of the port. Poor Caitlin. I didn't want the kids to worry so I explained the drs were taking my 'medcine bump' out and thye'd have to be gentle for a few days, but that it was good news b/c it meant I was better and all done with my medicine. Caitlin jumped up and down and said yay, mommy's long hair will be back tomorrow. My little 4 yo diva, still all about the hair:-).
Carolyn
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Hi all - checking in. It's been a real downer of two weeks. Almost two weeks ago, when I was runnnig, I noticed the outer part of my foot getting more and more painful. I had to stop. Later that day it was better - etc., and I went again running the next day and it got worse. There was no one injury that started it, oddly.
I can pinpoint it to one spot called the peroneal brevis. I was stupid to continue to work it after it hurt, but I thought it was just a muscle thing.
Anyway, it's not getting better. My nutritionist did a bunch of stuff to it with lasers and that did help but now it's back to being painful again. He's a chiropractor also so I'm going back Monday if he can squeeze me in. Meanwhile, ice and wearing shoes does help - as does ibuprophen but I don't want to rely on that.
I can't run anymore - I can't even go for walks outside. I'm absolutely beside myself because of lack of exercise. Sorry to be such a downer, but this has really taken an emotional and physical toll on me!
He's also re-treating my lyme, since when this started, it also started in my hips and knees all at one time - those are all better since I'm back on the supplements, but it' s just this one thing that's keeping me from being active again. I can feel myself getting fat...UGH! Hope everyone is doing okay --Lizzy, thinking about you and hoping you are doing all right!
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Carolyn: Congrats on the port removal, must really make you feel like you are done! Your kids are just too cute! Hope Caitlin wasn't too disappointed when you woke up this morning and still had short hair..LOL.
Cal: Hope you get relief soon. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't work out. At this point it helps keep me sane!
Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Debbi
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Cal I am sorry about your foot. I hope it improves soon and you can get back to running.
Your daughter is such a cutie Carolyn. I know it is a relief to have the port out, I loved it.
I second Debi in nice weekend wishes.
Hugs every one
GInger
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Good evening, warriors!
I sure hope everyone had a good weekend!
Ginger: I kind of inferred the loss was catastrophic and unavoidable. I am just glad you were able to understand why there was not a connect. We are fragile human beings and yet that fragility is all that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom so I will take the emotional ride! Not like the choices are abundant!
Mommichelle: thank you so much. How did your surgery go, btw? Just wondering. You never came back to report and, if I recollect correctly, it is going on 3 weeks now? Let me know how you are.
Sweeney: thank you! Moms are very special and as all the women here are moms, remember how special you are to those little jokers!
Rachel: keep us posted on your check-ups. I had a cervical cancer question some years ago and I remember the in-office procedure the gyn did hurt for a long time. Perhaps your pains are just your body still adjusting post-surgery. I hope all is well.
Ckptry: you are going to think I am nuts, if you don't already, as when I joined this board and everyone was talking about tattoos, I thought they were getting like cartoon characters where their nipples used to be!!!!!!!!!!! I really thought they were going to a tattoo parlor and, even with my wild partying, I am physically conservative as I have no piercings beyond my ears and no tattoos etc... so I was stunned and all I could think was this bc really turns people around!! I remember one woman talking about going to FL, if memory serves, and it was some big bc event and she was getting her tattoos done there! All I could think was ‘this sounds like bike week!' and secretly I wondered what they were like before bc!!! In long, good luck with your TATS!
That is funny about the hair comment from your dd and also the fact it is coming back so fast also! Ch-Ch-Ch-CHIA!
Finally, congratulations on that port removal!!!!! YAY!!! It feels so good to get that thing O-U-T!
Calamtykel: you LOVE to run. Change your shoes, tape your foot, do what you have to. I remember going to football and hockey practices with my brothers and when they were in pain/something broken, tape, tape, tape! It was always the answer. NO, you are not a downer: CANCER EFFING SUCKS! There is no 2 ways about it. Don't apologize for being at cancer for taking away our endurance and strength. Let's hope this is temporary. You are singing to the choir with the weight shit. I could not stand injuries when I was a workout-aholic. I, too, could feel myself getting fat. Don't worry. It will get better. A little time should do the trick.
Not being able to workout sucks but don't think it is always going to be like that now. I am sure, just like every other injury, there is a fix. Ice/heat, tape! I am in the worst shape of my life right now and it is an awful place to be. If I ever get free of surgeries, which I hope is soon, I need 1 year back at the gym, hard, and I will be back in decent shape. It is very hard when you have to take time off. My workouts have been fits-and-starts for 2 years now...I want to scream!!!!! In fact, I will and just did!!!!!!!!!
For now we all have to look to SPTMM who has achieved physical excellence post-bc!!!!!! You make us all proud, island warrior!!!!!!
It was a good weekend although I am still deeply ambivalent about those Van Halen tickets being $150...yes, I will stop my whining...I will be going!!!!!!Happy trails all and may the force be with you!
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Have fun at the concert.
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Good day warriors:
I learned something new today: most women who develop lymphedema do so within 4 years after their surgery.
Also, just an fyi, apparently there is a test in approval phase by the FDA that will test for bc using a person's "hair." I don't know all the details but just passing on what I learn in 140 characters or less on that magic TWITTER!
Good day-
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Good evening warriors (Liz!!!)
I had to share this with you all...compliments of Twitter I learned of A HUGE DEVELOPMENT for breast cancer victims:
Vaccine to treat breast cancer 'promising' say experts - http://t.co/6G5ybKzN http://t.co/eQSHtVjU -
I can't believe it actually worked! It is so brilliant...this vaccine flags cancer cells so the immune system knows to remove them!
Ah-mazing!
Later-
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Wow I spent last night in the ER. I had abdominal pain and chills and then nausea. Doc said to come in and that car ride was so difficult. I had CT scans with 2 different contrast mediums and US and they didn't identify anything. I was put on iv pain med right away and I surely appreciated that. I was moaning and all that, it wasn't pretty. If these had been planned tests I would have been nervous but on this occasion I was simply grateful for pain medication. The verdict was gastritis or something like that. I was really out of it when I read the paper work. I had no idea gastritis could hurt so much! We were back home by 6 and I slept until 5 PM.
I have to eat bland food and was on a white diet today.
I still have some pain and just took another Vicodin.
One good thing about this was that the Dr told me my liver, pancreas, galbladder and appendix all looked good on both my CAT scans and my US. That was good to hear.
So I will go to bed soon and hopefully get up before dark!
GInger0 -
Lizzy - I just read about this. It looks like this is only for Her2 + and so far has only been tested for DCIS (non invasive) which is highly curable with just surgery. I don't mean to be a downer...any progress is SUPER! But it just annoys me when I see the press with headlines like "Breast cancer vaccine highly successful" -- and then you read that it's only for a certain kind at a certain stage--a stage for which surgery is just as successful as far as total outcome. Then the general public sees it and starts thinking "Well, what's the big deal about breast cancer? Just get the vaccine!"
I would be interested to know why this hasn't been tested on stage IV Her2+ women - that would be something fabulous if it could slow or stop the progression of invasive, LN positive or mets.
My chiropractor did a bunch of stuff on my ankle these past two days and it was great the past two days and today it's bothering me again. I think maybe I didn't take it easy yesterday and ice it.
I"ve been riding my daughter's mountain bike instead of running and it's been helping me a lot. I got my period -the first "real" one in month and I feel like I'm at death's door today! SHEESH!
Ginger - sorry all that happened to you!! BUT the silver lining is that you got some scans and they look good! YAY!Lizzy -still thinking about you and your family. The anniversary of my dad's death is coming up and it's really hard for all of us.
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Ginger: I am so sorry to hear of what happened to you. That is very scary. Someone today was just saying on they were on TC and how it was awful. I understand all chemo is awful but when I told her I was on TAC she looked at me wondering how I was still alive! It was funny to say the least. More to this point, chemo does send some belated gifts. Perhaps something just did not agree with you and the linings of our stomachs and organs are worn out a bit from chemo so we might just experience everything a lot more. What I am trying to say is our nerves might be more visceral and something like what you experienced only happened because you could actually feel it and perhaps, under normal (pre-chemo/bc) circumstances that same thing could happen and you would not have felt it so sharply. I am with Kel on the clean scans---good news!!!!!!! Isn't it hard to believe sometimes, though? All we were ever taught about this disease is how insidious it is.. I find it hard to believe it is gone. Very hard! I hope you are feeling better. Even driving there sounded scary.
Calamtykel: These are rough days for loss. My BIL died last year at the same time your father did so the anniversary of his death is coming up on the 8th and I am still mourning the loss of my mother. I don't think I fully connect with the fact that she is gone. It is hard to even fathom. In fact, a few days ago I caught myself, for a moment, planning to go and visit her. I don't think it has hit me yet that she is gone. When my father died I hit Wall St hard, working 16 hour days and partying 16 hour nights. It was a rough time but not a total crash and burn...although it could have been. I was making tons of money and I was so busy I just had no time to mourn. Unhealthy as that sounds, it was my process. I am noticing that I am doing the same thing again. Keeping so busy I just can't think about it. I miss her.
I wish you well with the anniversary of your dad's passing coming up. It is really hard to even believe they are gone and then furthermore what "gone" means. I am completely not the person who hears and/or sees ghosts but the woman who lived in this house prior had died of cancer. One night, before I moved in, I was just here, checking some things out. I went into the bedroom that was her's and suddenly I heard, loud and clear, "excuse me!" She was obviously upset and I guess she did not know she was dead and/or I was tresspassing. This is a very, library-like, quiet, quiet neighborhood, day and night. This voice did not come from outside but rather she was here. The first time in my life I ever had that experience. Something else odd happened here: I found out she had a dog the hard way! I was standing at the kitchen sink one night and there was a growling sound, right behind me, and it would have been a bigger type dog as the growling was right behind my elbow. By now I realized that the "essence" of this woman, and now her dog, was still here. So I told him to shut up and go lay down and that we were living together now! I promise you, never has stuff like that happened to me. I found out about 6 months after the growling that, in fact, she had a chocolate lab!
A few nights after my mother died my cat's eyes kept looking past my shoulder and her pupils got really big. I don't know what happens when we pass on but one of the VNA nurses mentioned something not too long ago and that is that we don't go anywhere but rather we stay here and just move on to another dimension.
You and I will never know, until we know, what happens but I will say that I feel her presence. My sister does also. I hope you feel the presense of your father, Kel.
Ugh...awful on the cycle!!!! I don't know why but when the bc bus stopped by my house I went out and got loads of Advil, Tylenol, Tylenold cold and flu, heat wraps, like $300 worth of Graham Webb hair products (I know...what an effin idiot!) and all kinds of junk. Well, having been the pic of health before bc, I don't need all this stuff so tonight I went to Hartford Hospital to see my Godson who got hurt in wrestling. I packed about $100 worth of "CVS stuff!" to give to his mom, my best friend. In any case, I also gave her a bunch of "cycle" products as I deeply suspect, as I am going on 1.5 years w/out the cycle, that it will ever come back. On that long note, I feel for you! I personally am very glad it is gone!
On the article, I was just elated to know that finally, finally, at long last, they are developing a vaccine that "talks to" the immune system and lets it know those cells have to go. That is a huge breakthrough even though it is not everything just yet. I think it might be one of the most promising developments in bc history. I am easily elated!!!
Well, I hope everyone has sweet dreams!
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