August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
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Good evening, warriors!
On the chocolate, a very good friend sent me Godiva Peppermint Bark! I love that stuff! So, needless to say I am well on my way to working on #1!
Tex: you know I am broken-hearted about your crap ass mets. I send you all the positive vibes I possibly can all day
I am hoping for the best results from rads. Call me, text me, email me anytime, you know I am here for you, my friend. I said it before, we walk this road together.Move more, eat less: you women make a very good point. It does seem very simple. I was just complaining I cannot make 3 flights of stairs (22 stairs per flight) which is really gross! I mean I make it to the 3rd but I have to take a break at 2...so very sad. I find it disgusting, in fact. Now I take those 3 flights every day, 3 times per day, until I fix that problem!
Rachel: you very cleverly pointed out once that Canada has given the world gifts with Lorne Michaels and the Bieber, just to name a few, but perhaps Canada's greatest gift to the US, and the world, is a very recent one. Speaking of Toronto...that oh-so-dubious Toronto Mayor!!! I am sorry to say I find it all very entertaining!! The day he was dancing and then the day he nearly knocked the woman over and another time he was fighting with the legislature (I believe) and the next minute they were all singing together...in the legislature!!!! Jimmy Kimmel has gotten so much mileage out of this guy and his antics! This is all happening when he is presumably not high either! So thank you, Canada! Thank you very much!
Glad you MIL was able to go out for her birthday! That is wonderful. It is good to hear that she at least seems stable for now. I am glad she was with you all for the holidays. I bet your boys were enthralled!
Sweeney: good to hear from you! It is 10 below here tonight and a friend is working, going door-to-door, fundraising for a PAC and they were out tonight. He told me with 5 layers on he was still freezing. I like the cold but 39 below, that is super cold even for me! All I know is if you get out and move, you don't feel the cold quite so much so I hope you had a nice walk today!
Sptmm: that is a very good point about not wanting to leave any loose ends. It is smart that you see it that way. A lot of people don't.
Omaz: ?! Happy New Year, woman! Hope all is well
Ginger: how are you out there in Washington?! I hope you are feeling better.
I have to tell you this: there are these certain jeans I love and they are hard to get online and normally I would have to go to NY to get them. In any case, I got a pair online on black Friday at a great discount. Unfortunately, when they arrived the hem was coming undone and the seam was ripped open about 3" up the leg. My good friend in NY who always sends me nice gifts was listening to me complain about my inability to find a suitable tailor to handle this and lamenting my distance from NYC etc.. Because he listens he knew exactly what to get me for Xmas: he sent me a sewing machine!!!!!!!! I thought of you right away! I mean I like making catnip toys but I realized how much stuff I can make now and I am soooo excited! I can't wait to get started. One problem: it has been 30 years since I have sewn and this machine is kind of fancy, computerized etc...! I went to Jo-Ann Fabric today and they actually offer a class and my machine is one of the ones they teach about! I was so excited to find a class. I will keep you posted on my sewing adventures!!! Should be so much fun! My new hobby is upon me!
I hope everyone has a nice weekend!
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One more thing...
Wolf of Wall Street! I have told you all that I worked on Wall St, trading and all the fun stuff that goes along with it. Well, if any of you saw that movie, it is very, very accurate. I worked for a firm that was very much like, and fashioned after, Stratton-Oakmont. Much like Stratton, the firm I worked for was shut by the SEC. Stratton is the firm that Jordan built his humongous business on. Also, the "straight line" closing system they talk about in the movie is very real and does exist. It does not exist, on Wall St at least, in the watered-down form he is selling it in now, with that box of CDs but it definitely has life in every back alley in that industry. I was given a copy with the first firm where I really made some serious money and it definitely worked.
The pink sheets that they talk about at the firm on the island was the backbone of nearly every nefarious operation on Wall St. All the stuff that took place in the movie with the midgets and the "relations" in the men's bathroom and the grotesque excesses- it is all very, very accurate! He would sell a new customer like GE and then the second trade would be a pink sheet stock. Pink sheets were largely shell companies and really they hardly existed. The pinks were also completely unregulated, and still are to a large extent.
For me, the movie did not have enough meat on the bone but b/c they made it for a wide audience, I understand they had to keep it palatable for everyone. If anyone goes to see it, I am here to tell you that is *exactly* the way it was. Exactly! Some movie reviewer was screaming at Scorsese that it was an "atrocity" etc.. and that person was right in some ways b/c they felt he glorified what Jordan did. The fact remains that Jordan sold something and someone bought it. That is all that happened. Scorsese was not putting him on trial when he made the movie but was rather just telling a story.
It is a good movie and if you ever wondered about all that is "Wall St," wonder no more!!!!!
PS- I should have been more clear: I worked for Lehman Brothers in investment banking and there I learned everything I needed to know about research. When I hit the sell side of the business, I did not need to rely on the firm to show me how to run money in the market and what stocks to buy. I knew exactly what I was going to do and I spent my days buying and selling and my nights researching. More to this point, I never, ever did "pink sheet" business. You see, if you work for a firm and you make them money, they will leave you alone. Wall St is stink with brats from the Island and the Fairfield County who think they can be brokers and traders so they get their parents friends to open accounts. They bring in a few million and then they die on the vine b/c they can't do the job. It is at that point that the firm will start putting those brokers who are dying on the vine on the "firm" plan. Bottom line is those people needed direction and they were never going to make it in the business. Other people were comfortable doing pinks and never wanted to work for their money. I benefited in 2 ways: first I was the only woman on the trading floor so they never bothered me and I also already knew how to size up a company but if I asked even one of the guys on the floor with me what a PIB or a legend was, they would most likely not have a clue. My background allowed me to architect a business that I wanted and I never needed to ask the firm for direction. They never asked me questions b/c I made them money. Therein lies the difference. Some people are willing to work harder than others and that is it.
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wall street seems an intresting place- i love all your wall street days stories! now i really want to see it!!!!!!
Yes i have ur info and intend to use it! You've been a great chemo warrior leader even when i was the ONLY one still on it! (Before felisa joined us and after others with second cancers were done with txs) and now too lol!
This group could be used as a psycological study in how all these women (what are we really only down to a handful now????) from diffrent walks of life, compleatly different EVERYTHING can befriend one another into LASTING friendships. I truly do think about every one of you often even those whom stay away from the boards! Cant wait to meet in person! 2015 here we come!
I should do the move more eat less method, although i have lost 20 lbs in a month- not a healthy way- 10 when i had strep and then 10 while in tghe hospital (the refused to give me imodium until the day before i left so havin watery poo did wonders for me! But i thinkvi look gaunt, lets see what my onco says on monday when he sees me....
Anyhow gotta get some shuteye- using these last few days to get my house in tip top shape , just in case the "worst case senario" happens with radiation....
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Texas I am so sad that you have new mets and an eye issue too. Your Christianity has been evident to me and I can see that you are supported by your beliefs. I will keep you in my prayers. Let us know what you would like us to pray for and we will.
I read your other posts today and was surprised that you had migraine pain in your eye. I have opthomoplegic migraine and would also have not been surprised to have the pain right in my eye as you did. I am happy that someone decided to do the best scan on you. Are the Rads going to target the brain mets and the eye mets at the same time? The Rads I had were quiet and the room was cool and peaceful. The Rads did not hurt one bit. My table went a distance up in the air, so be sure not to hop off!
Yes, Lizzy I am okay. I go for my SCCA check up, mammo, blood tests, Onc appt. this thursday. I am still going to physical therapy twice a week for the car accident. I hurt a lot in the T7 vertebrae when I stand or try to walk. The physical therapists are trying to make everything around it supportive. I wish just that would work. I still can only walk about 20 steps before the pain starts to knock me down. My dear little grandaughter asks me almost every day, "Does your back still hurt Gamma?" I would like to tell her it is just fine but she knows different. The darned auto insurance guy called me early on NYE and I didn't know what he was getting at. My physical therapist told me he is trying to close my file. I never expected MY insurance to do that. Naive I am.
My physical Therapist told me we lose 1% of our lean muscle mass for every day we are on 100% bed rest. The PT's really are helping me get more mobile, I was hurt so bad I had to yell when I was trying to get out of bed. It is better now than it was. I really value that therapy.
I will be trying to keep the chocolate resolution.
I think of all of you often. I hope we do have a get together where we can all get together. I have become a recluse over the past 3+ years. I haven't traveled even one time since we moved here in 2010.
Love to all of you
GInger/.Barb
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Ginger- yes they are going to focus on the left side of my brain (not just target the few spots they see but the entire side because there maybe spots there that are too small to be detected) and also the part of my eye right where the muscle attaches back towards my brain, part of my eye and optic nerve will be getting radiation, thus the fear of blindness as a side effect, but i will take a little blindness any day over untreating it! I am going into this like "prepare for the worst but hope for the best" Pray whatever is in your heart girl!
It is hard when the young ones sense we are not at our best. PT helped me avoid surgery as you may remember when that eager beaver orthopedic doc wanted to do a fusion on my c6 and c7! But it was slow going at first. Remember a body in motion tends to stays in motion and a body at rest tends to stay at rest. One day at a time, one day at a time!
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Lizzy--Yes, the famous mayor from Toronto....eeeek...people are pretty divided on him. I am actually in the suburbs of Toronto area so we have a different mayor. Some people love Rob Ford and the others despise him--he is very polarizing. Not probably the popularity that us Canadians are looking for
I was going to see that movie--Wolf of Wall Street--but when I noticed it was 3 hours long--I didn't bother--I can barely make it through 1 1/2 hours--I sometimes see movies in two pieces..so three hours way too long for me.0 -
i am gonna google this mayor!
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Good evening, warriors!
Ginger: you had just moved from your "hometown," had been recently dx'd w/bc and found yourself in unknown parts with your dh traveling a lot w/his job so under those circumstances, anyone could become a recluse. Honestly, if I did not have the thread of familiarity in my life, with friends who helped me through and even just going out to stores and bumping into people I know, I am not sure how I would have weathered battling bc. It had to be pretty hard to move some 1500 miles from all that is familiar, even though you were there to be nearer your dd and dgd, it is hard to figure it all out, battle bc and put yourself back together. In long, I think anyone who went through what you had in such a short period of time could have easily become a bit reclusive. I think one finds comfort in getting lost in their reverie under such circumstances so although perhaps you were not out and about, traveling etc.., I am sure you were reflecting on prior travels and memories, traversing continents in the confines of your mind
For this reason I would call this physically reclusive, mentally a globetrotter! You are in an entirely new area...where is one to go when they don't know where to go?! You will travel again and, yes, our 5 yr anniversary get-together shall be the perfect excuse to get going!Rachel: you are so smart to look at the duration of the film before going as I am just like you ---1.5 and I am ready to go! I was getting so annoyed at the length but for those that are unfamiliar with the industry, it does take you on a ride. If I had one criticism some parts were unnecessarily drawn out. It reminded me of those late nights, writing papers in college and knowing that perhaps I should have omitted a few paragraphs! It will be on Netflix in no time anyway! As for the politicians, at least your beloved and whacky mayor seems likeable! Never a dull moment with that one! BTW, I love Toronto! I think it is a beautiful city.
Tex: on that mayor, it has been reported he smokes crack and then along with that there have been several, very public gaffes! He is very entertaining. His purported drug addiction is not funny, of course, but his antics when he is supposedly "not high" are just hysterical! He is a character all right!
When I said call me and text me I meant that because we do keep in touch that way, I knew a few days before you posted here what you were going through. I just feel so grateful you were able to get some tests done over the holidays and to get to the bottom of this. It is scary with your eye, though. I was talking to my onc and asking the never-ending question of how do they find mets. She basically said eventually if cancer is growing it is going to interrupt some pertinent function ie blood flow etc.. and the domino effect will occur. Just this morning I got an email from a very good friend in FL. He requested that everyone pray for a cure to cancer in 2014 all on the same day. He felt the power of prayer only do all of us good if the message was collectively sent on the same time and on the same date. Makes sense and I am going to do it. Let's all pray for a cure. Cancer has reached pandemic status no matter what is being said.
On Wolf of Wall St: I went where few women have ever gone before. In fact, in the movie there is only 1 woman in production at that firm. That is the way it was wherever I worked. I was always the only woman. I just wanted to share with you all what my experience was and to let you know the validity of what is portrayed in the movie. I have a unique perspective and have been approached by a few different organizations to write and basically tell my story/offer perspective. I might do it this year but had turned down these offers in the past. The industry now is roughly 18% female. It was 9% female just 10 years ago. Women are still not working at the Stratton's of the world but rather in banks and the big brokerages, doing CFP work. I saw things I will never forget in those firms and I loved the action, the pace and the feeling of satisfaction when I left at the end of the day. I just like to share with you all because although you may meet thousands of women in your life, it is all but guaranteed not one of them has been where I have gone. Not one. The lone woman at Stratton and I are some of the few who have ever seen, been able to handle it, to not be scared away and to forever thrive as a result. She was real, btw. There was just one woman at that firm and then I carried the torch for her to the firm I worked for which basically took over where Stratton left off. In any case, for these reasons, I share my story with you all!
Happy trails, ladies and have a very nice remainder of your weekend
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where have i been !?!?!?!?!? I havent even heard of this mayor! I will youtube his videos while recooping lol
D
Rads start manana so i will possibly be on here less, or more since i prob have more time on my hands...
Oh and a very dear friend posted on FB about my cancer returning and we were not prepared for sharing with everyone so yeah had some interesting convos last night. I really do tryvto weed out the negative and keep the positve ppl surrounding me- ladies you KNOW idont have time deal with the the family drama like that First time! But they can be so oblivious cuz i have been on chemo off and on and they never put 2 and 2 together
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Good Morning Everyone!Tex: I can't believe you haven't heard about that mayor. Definitely google it, you will be amazed. It is all over the news here. I am shocked that he is still in office. I know here in New York we had a government official caught "sexting" another woman a couple of years ago who was forced out of office. This mayor was caught on video doing drugs and is still in office! I can't believe it! As for the drama......stay FAR AWAY. You need to keep your energy and mind in a positive place for the fight ahead. You will never change these people and certainly will never understand what motivates them so it is just best to leave them alone. Accept the good, ignore the bad and keep on with your positive attitude.
Liz: I LOVE your Wall Street stories. Your life is like a movie itself!
Rachel: I am with you. I can't sit through a one hour TV show...LOL!
I love everyone's resolutions to keep moving. Exercise is our best friend in the fight against cancer and old age. Studies have proven this over and over. It doesn't have to be big, just keep moving. Before diagnosis I hadn't exercised in 20 years, now I don't know what I would do without it. And when you don't feel like going for that walk or to that class...go anyway...I guarantee you that you will feel much better after finishing than you did when you started!
Everyone have a great day today!
Debbi
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debbi- speaking of cold- it was 26* here this am!
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Ladies,
Happy New Year. Glad everyone is healthy (well, cancer free) and we WILL all stay that way for 2014!
It is 10 degrees in Alabama! Won't get back up to freezing until Wednesday. We are not used to this. If any read this tonight, I've got a favor to ask. Send every good vibe you have to my Auburn Tigers who are in Pasadena to play for the BCS Championship tonight. War Eagle!!
Love all.
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Lizzie I love your Wall Street stories. You're like an international woman of mystery!
Tex I hope the rads are going okay. How you feeling? You most definitely need to google our crack smoking mayor....he's only good for laughing at. I'm originally from TO and he's an abomination. But he might take your mind off things!
As for the 2015 reunion I would really like to come too. Let's go somewhere warm and with a good outlet mall nearby.;)
My MOVE MORE plan is working well. But I also need to implement an EAT LESS plan at the same time. That's harder!
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Lady: Sorry, I just read this so I didn't get to send out any positive vibes. Hope the game went your way! The fact that I don't even know who won shows you just how football challenged I am..LOL!
Sweeney: Good luck with the eat less plan, I always end up exercising even more to counteract what I ate! I am the one spending two hours at the gym then hitting up the ice cream store on the way home..LOL! I figure its okay though because I have been at my goal weight for two years now, so the cycle of exercise and eat is working okay!
I could totally use some warm right now, woke up to a temperature of 5 degrees. And I have a drafty house, so as the temp goes outside so goes the temp inside! They are predicting 55 for the weekend though so I am optimistic. Isn't it funny how back in September 55 was cold, now in January you are looking forward to it as being warm!
Tex: Ouch..26 degrees. While that doesn't sound like anything compared to my 5 degrees, I grew up in South Florida so I know what that occasional cold temp feels like to people who never get it! For your bodies, it might as well have been 10 below zero. I remember once as a kid it got cold enough overnight that there was frost on the ground. Well, at that point most of my friends and I had never seen snow so at the bus stop we were all giddy that it had snowed, trying to make snowballs from the frost, LOL! That was until the new kid who had just moved in from New Hampshire pointed out that it was just frost, not snow and totally rained on our parade! So, how did the radiation go?
Lizzy: How are you managing in the frigid weather? Did you knit us all scarves and hats to brave the cold? We could use them!
Have a great night everyone!
Debbi
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wow yesterday was a trippy day- these meds! My brain is in a fog, i am tryin to "listen" to my body and sleep when it needs rest and be awake when i have energy. So guess who got up at 4 am, starving, wolfing down a huge plate of pasta as if i was enjoying my last meal before an execution!!!!!!
The cancer ride place is probably not effecient because they can pick me up anywhere from 2 hrs before my appointment to 20 minutes i guess because i am a ten minute ride to the center. Never here the same time cuz it depends who all is on the route for the day. So here i sit on my front proch, semi cold, waiting for my ride. Oh and the will honk for you, if you arent out in 5 mins they leave
Speaking of warming up, it got into the 40s last night which my dog probably appreciated because right before my 4 oclockalarm she began barking- i left her out by mistake and it was RAINING! If it was yestrday morning that would have been SNOW coming down! Oops my bad- note to self make sure dog is in for thr night before you zonk out!!!!!
TODAY WILL BE A BETTER DAY!!!!!!!
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Texas, thanks for checking in. I think your strategy of sleeping when you are sleepy and eating when you are hungry is a good plan.
Did your Rads room have a pretty dome with lighted stars on the ceiling. Mine did, and I really liked looking at it.
I am glad it got a little warmer and that your dog is smart to ask to come inside again.
It is a dark, rainy Seattle day today, no sun anywhere. I think you get a lot more sun than we do!
Have a good rest and nice evening.
Hugs Ginger
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Good evening my lovely WARRIORS!!!
I hope everyone is doing fabulous! I am ok even though we are squarely below freezing, in the single digits tonight but then it will be nearly 60 this weekend!!! They say here in CT if you don't like the weather, wait a minute!
Tex: there should never be *any* negative people around you and I can't even imagine negative people are coming at you in such a way. The bottom line is, like it or not, once you have cancer, you *always* have cancer. Over the course of our lives most of us will be on and off chemo at one point or another so who are these animals that judge you or "can't keep track" of your chemo and you cancer battle? Timothea, anybody who behaves in an ugly manner with people in a cancer battle will be dealt with anyway so don't worry about it and keep avoiding them. Seriously, the last thing you need is to be hearing nonsense from idiots. Shut that right down.
That is great that you are sleeping when tired and waking and eating whenever you feel like it. Exactly what you should be doing...listen to your body especially now in going through rads. That is good that there is a cancer bus. I just think it is way easier for you to be picked up and dropped off whenever possible.
Your dog knows you love him/her! You have a lot going on, it is hard to keep track of everything.
Deb: now I have to say, Timothea is down in TX, which is basically like a foreign country where the propaganda machine is in full-effect so I definitely give her a pass on *not* knowing about that whacky Toronto mayor but you are just across the LI Sound from me!?!??! How could you not know?! Jimmy Fallon, JKL, Letterman...all the great comedians have been having a blast with this! Bing him...you will be stunned by what you find!
Deb, I was thinking of you this morning because I was considering putting out on the thread that we all try to lose 20.14 lbs n 2014 as the whole of humanity is wanting to be in better shape and we are no different here. In any case, I realized that might place your very thin self in a perilous situation, so I lol'd when I decided it would be appropriate to reduce your goal to 20.14 ounces!!!!!!!!!!! I am sure others here cannot lose 20 lbs and not be under weight but I thought of you immediately b/c of your commitment and subsequent weight loss! Congratulations, btw, in maintaining your loss! That is the even harder part.As for the cold, I kind of like it esp w/these hot flashes. Sorry to say, I actually went outside the other night, it is so hot in here!
As for scarves and hats, I am slow to get going with this knitting so I decided to join a group called "Stitch and Bitch!" Yes, we all get together, create things and complain! There is another where we drink wine...any guess as to which one I like better?! Yes, wine...!
Sweeney: we all struggle with the eat less/right part! That is a perfectly ubiquitous problem affecting the planet at large! No pun!! I am glad you and Sptmm enjoy my Wall St stories! There are days when I can't even believe it...my rear view is like a movie!
Ladyinbama: yes, we are all freezing! BTW, I sent all the vibes I could to your Tigers!!! I hope they won. I did not check scores yet but I am looking forward to hearing some good news!
SO, does anyone want to try the lose 20.14lbs in 2014? Might be fun and it is a fairly achievable goal for those of us that have 20 to lose (Sptmm excluded)!!!
Tex: best of luck at rads, girl! Do you go every day? I don't seem to know that answer and I apologize if you shared that here already. For how long will you be doing rads? I wish you the best. Hang in there, things are bound to get better
Happy trails, ladies! ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!
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One more thing....we are all going to have a birthday in 2014 so why not get your favorite Starbucks drink for free on that special day?!
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i forgot i looked that mayor guy up- too funny! Snl didnt need to parody him cuz what wacko stuff he did was WAY funnier!
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Wow they tapered my steroid yesterday for bed and WHAT A DIFFERENCE! I woke up clear headed and can function, sadly time for my full dose... i just hate not being able to participate with the kids, their movement/sound makes me dizzy and hurts. I cannot fault them for being natrually active children, i just have to laugh through it! My mom is a migrane sufferer- my baby sister had them since age 3, growing up I would just move a little (like a nrmal 5 yr old) and it would trigger my mom and so by age 8 i was labled ADHD and took every kind of pill on the market for it! Makes me think- maybe this is the sensation she got when i moved, i will admit it annoys the heck out of me, but i know this too shall pass! Hmmm only 2 weeks and 2 days to go. This drug cocktail makes me think of one flew over the coo-coo's nest.
They want to protect my brain by flooding it i guess! Here comes nurse Ratched lol
Love ya ladies! I will def be losing my 20.14 lbs this year (great idea btw) my weight has been up and down since 2010, my heaviest 160 something, on my 5'1" frame! Strep and the hospital stay took me down to 138- but in a gaunt unhealthy way... i want/need to do it right! Deb share your details on how to KEEP it off! I wanna keep beating this deasecan no lingfer can just be a passanger on this ride, i gotta steer this bad boy!
Stay warm ppl!
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I'm in for the 20.14 pound loss....I could probably afford to lose the weight for all of us.
Tex--sending lots of love and strength your way...I recall those steroid days....blah. Glad to hear that your head is feeling a bit better. Take care and try to get some rest.
The weather here is now a balmy minus 15--so much better than minus 40--soon people will have their shorts on
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Texas I remember those steroids too, blah. It is good to hear that they are protecting your brain with them. You are so kind to laugh through your kids noise. Just 12 treatments to go!
Sending you love and hugs
Ginger
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thanks rachel and ginger!
Week one is DONE! I am still standing, or more laying on my back wishing the room would stop spinning! Resting and recouping! I feel like peggy bundy cuz i havd watched sensless tv (wifeswap!) Lol enjoy yourcweekends- we are supposedcto bebak in tghe 70s and i can already hear the complaints (its too hot!)
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Good day, Warriors!!!!!
I wanted to be clear on something: when I stated in my response to Tex and about her almost being in the position of having to "defend" the fact she remains in a protracted cancer battle to the Facebook folk, what I meant by "once you have cancer, you always have cancer" was not negative or ominous, but rather just the way I see things. Add to that the fact I find it incomprehensible that she might have to chronologically defend herself to judgmental idiots about her S4 bc battle to be just insulting. A lot of people have preconceived notions because they like completion and to see things through to their end so they can call them done. We all know that the only day we can truly call cancer done is the day we leave this hemisphere. The "done" and "remission" business is really semantics, imo. However, the treatments are getting much, much better, they are learning more every day and the fact remains we are all still here. This is indicative of a very positive and overarching trend, and with bc in particular. I always tell people even though my cancer got into my lymph nodes, I am very happy my cancer was in an "expendable" appendage! I know I have mentioned that here before and like I said, if my father could have removed his lungs and survived, of course he would have. I just think the world needs to stop struggling to apply labels and thereby try to gauge progress of people with cancer. Quite philosophically, and to borrow that grossly overused phrase, "it is what it is."
A few days ago a woman I know was asking about where it all was for me. I explained that cancer does not readily announce itself and, quite frankly, I have no clue what it is doing. I told her I am here today and that is all I know!!!!!! This is all any of us know. We celebrate life every day and we live and struggle through our txs and through our appts and the nauseating feeling most of us get when returning for the annual check-ups and this is our now not-so-new reality. We deal....everyone needs to as well!!!!!!!
Tex: I am so glad your first week is O-V-E-R!!! That is wonderful news! Rest, relax, play with the kids, laugh with them, eat what you want, drink lots of fluids and try to enjoy yourself as much as possible through this. When you are not feeling so good, just head back to YouTube and watch some more Rob Ford clips!!!!! That will give you some laughs to keep you going! There is also endless supply of funny stuff on Netflix! Keep laughing and relaxing, that is all you can do. Be good to yourself, that is the most important thing. Surround yourself with love and positivity and remove all else. You don't need any other thing in your life right now. Just you and your adorable little kids, relaxation and good times! That is all you need....and the love of your dog! Pets are great!
Something else that I find very entertaining and funny is the "Steve Harvey" show! I love it! I think he is such a doll, such a kind hearted human being and he has always done so much good. Plus he is just funny and I think the eclectic nature of his show is wonderful! You should watch!
So it looks like Tex, Oh Canada (I have combined Rachel and Sweeney under this moniker!!!) and me are going to make a goal of losing 20.14 in 2014!!!! YAY! I know my smart pals here already know what the 2015 goal will be! My feeling is we will put on 10 at the holidays so every year we will have 10 in the holiday bank in case we really want to go crazy! I know Sptmm will join us with her 20.14 oz goal!!!!!!!!
The countdown to my big check-up at Dana is upon me and I can't say I am not nervous. I am nervous b/c this is the big one with tests and blah blah. Oh well...it must be done! Crap ass cancer..!
Have a lovely weekend, ladies, and get all the rest you can, Timothea!
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Good Evening Everyone!
Tex: So glad to here week one is in the books! Done! Finito! Sorry however about the spinning, that is a horrible feeling because you can't get away from it. Try closing your eyes, maybe that will help. I love your resolve, however, to keep things as normal as possible and your understanding as far as the kids and their noise. I am amazed at how well you seem to keep it all together even with all your treatments and side effects. You are truly a great mom to go through this and still allow your kids to be kids. Maybe board games, movies, or books in bed would help you spend some time with them without the movement and noise bothering you. Your niece could even be the reader if reading bothers you also. I am sure they will understand every once in a while if mommy asks them to play quietly.
As for keeping the weight off, exercise is the only advice I have. I make a concerted effort to eat healthy and eschew the sugar as much as possible (because the research I have read just really makes me think sugar is not a friend to someone with cancer), but I am human and will have ice cream, cakes, cookies, etc on a pretty regular basis. So, I just keep moving! Counteract any bad with some healthy calorie burning cardio.
Honestly, I know I probably sound like an informercial but I started my exercise while going through chemo, walking around the neighborhood on a regular basis because the oncology nurses told me that it would counter the fatigue and help me feel better. And, it did. As tired as I was, even if I could only make it around the block, when I finished my walk I felt better, more energized, and less sick. So, my advice to you, is walk. It doesn't have to be big right now, just get outside and move around if you can. It is also a great way to spend time together with the family, everyone can walk.
Liz: I understand your sentiments exactly and I totally agree. People ask me all the time if my cancer is cured and my only response to them is that right now, I have no evidence of disease. That's what my oncologist told me also when I asked him the same question. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and I am not worried about it. Right now I am healthy and strong and hopefully I will stay that way for a long time. But people don't want to hear that answer. You are right they need completion, they need for things to be neatly tied up and over. Oh well. I really don't care what they need, only what I know.
I am with you girls on the 20.14 oz. Honestly there are family members who would shoot me if I even attempted to lose weight. Seems I always have to "eat" in front of friends and family to prove to them I am not dieting...LOL. I have my trouble spots, a llttle belly fat, some "underarm hang" but overall I am very happy with where I am right now. But I will join gals for the 20.14 oz, just for fun!
Okay ladies....let's get moving! Come one, the fat is not going to kill itself! We have to do it!
Oh, and drink LOTS of water!!!! Nothing else (okay maybe a cup of coffee or a glass of wine once in a while), otherwise WATER! You would be amazed at the amount of calories we mindlessly drink in any given day!
Debbi
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Tex, done for week one! Spinning sucks! You are doing well, do what Lizzie says. We all love you.
Did I tell you all I was all set to go to Seattle to SCCA for my onc visit, mammo and blood work this thursday and found out the appt. is for next week! Boy I would have hated to go a week ahead only to go back home and repeat. I do get anxious and try not to show it but onne time I thought I was dealing and when they had to do additional films I started to faint, then when they told me all was well, I started to faint. So how good am I at "keeping cool?"
Love You All
Ginger
Lizzie look for a pm from me.
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Ginger: "Keeping cool" is sometimes highly overrated and leads to more problems. Glad you ultimately remembered when your appointment was, it would have sucked to show up a week early!Debbi
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Oh a huge warning lol it is 330 and i am on some great medicine lol i will try to compose my thouhgts a clearly as can, but i am nit making any sense let me know!!!!
Lizzy- thsnks for the clarification, i donht think it was needed, lol ( are you sure you worked on wallstreet and NOT a big wig law firm!) J/k but just in case someone was confused its always good to clarify!
LIZZY You speak the truth!!!!!! (Please stop reading this post if you are easily upset) This is exactly how explained it to my 8, 8 and 6 year olds, so i hope y'all dont get offended
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Lizzy Okay you speak the truth! We ALL 100% of human kind have cancer cells in our bodies! As soon as we begin forming in utero our cells (may be onlly and handful in one person but a zillion in another- like our bodies are making photocopies of the first cell that split after so many thoudand photocopies the pages get blurred and we have a hard time reading the lines- our cells get blurred and have a hard time reading their instructions) sometimes they form a mutation (okay i have to laugh here cuz this totally is the spot where my 6 year old was asking me if it was like teenagde mutant ninja turtles LMBO] where the natrual cell cycle is disrupted, (those cells dont have the programmed cell death step, so thus we have UNCONTROLLED cell growth)- very similar to how a wart keeps telling that same spot to keep growing skin before the old skin falls off, but cancer growth is much more dangerous because it takes over the healthy tissuse like mommys lungs did when i couldnt breath! but the weird thing is not everyone's mutated cancer cells "turn on" some lie dormant until much later in life, or NEVER. The main reason why my particual cancer was swept under the rug, i was told "you're too young" no crap i am too young! But something turned my cells on wether it be what i ate as a child, exposure to pollution, chemicals- the list is ENDLESS! So anyhow, my train of thought is why fight an uphill battle!?! I cannot change the fact i have cancer, justvas my sister who is pregnant cant change thd fact thst her growing bsby is developing mutated cells this very second! Now what we can change is our over exposing ourselves to things have have PROOVEN to increeasecthat risk of turning on these cells. Also i went on to say- have i been a sick mommy, or have i been a go outside and play mommy. ( i bet yall know this answer) oh and another freaking hilarious moment was when iexplained the radiation to my brain my 6 year old (he has some brains let me tell you!) asked if i would be radioactive like spiderman so i csn climb the walls!!!! Um yeah that would be cool but the most i may get is a headache!
There is no cure- we cannot cure something unless we KNOW the cause! We are still working the stupid cause people! But we can keep living our life to the full and use our jedi mind force to be happy in the here and now. (Bear with me lol they afterall are in elemantry school!)
This is honest to God how i explained it to them!
We are honest and open home, i believe if a child is old enough to ask the question then they deserve an age approritate answer! If you do NOT satisfy their curiosity THEY WILL ask other people. (I am not lying when i say i learned of sexual "favors" when i was 6! My 11 yr old sister was hanging with her friends and they of course were talking about boys and stuff and of course me being nosy - i asked whats tht mean- um yeah i was disgusted and not quite getting it lol, but i can still picture us all standing around outside lmbo! They prob didnt fully understand themselves but it didnt stop them from sharing with me!)
My kids were 2 and 4 when i was dx'd imagine the shock when were are at the pool and another child noticed my port and my son at 3 explains that my boobies were sick and the dr had to cut them off! This little girl is asking all these questions and i just let him explain it to her. Then she says "wanna swim to the line" off they go!
Oh an that another thing that chaps my butt! So we totally are they type to surround us with thd positive ppl that arent tearing up everytime i walk into the room. Of course a friend posted on facebook "my best friends cancerccame back why does bad happen to good" i get it, she wanted to release her emotions, but when youre mutual friends with my crazy in-laws please speak in code lol! So these "loving, caring" in-law thst knew i spent a week in the hospital ( oh this is rich- so my sister in law calls and asks if i need anything i say actually a hair brush cuz they gave me this flimsy comb anf my hair post chemo is unruly! This is like 10am mind you, hospital or not i cant get rats in my hair lol and i tell her "go to the dollarstore i have a dollar in my bag i will pay you back etc." She texts throught the day saying she is on her way, then delayed, then on her way... she got to my room after 6pm and brought me a comb from her house! She sat there the entire time telling me she had somewhere to be, she left after no more than 30 minutes!- and shocker you wonder why i am not jumping at the chance to tell you i havr cancer in my freakin brain! From day one i told the whole family- stage4, nocure, life freakin long treatments! They dont care enough to ask me how i feelvEVER! If i told them right this very instsnt thry would turn it around on them and throw themselves a pity party!)
Okay back to the chapped butt- so fscebook "forced" me to share, well only with the one person- and i tell her the whole "we dont want/need all this sad crap PLEASE!" Oh and i got honest witgh her for the first timr sincr my "fundraiser" where the cops were called to my oncologists! Oh yeah this was a long time coming- this inlaw is the LEAST offensive, most helpful wonderful person-truly she is my only "friend" in my husbands family, but to protect myself anf my husband/kids when i chose not to be forthcoming with my health she also wasnt ever told! I told her how many times and where its come bsck, i told her about the lung biopsy that resulted in a punctured lung anf how my husband anf kids had to get a hotel room in a town thst he has 6 brother/sisters and PARENTS that live and have room enough to accomodate them! I told her how many different chemos i havecbeenon that didnt work- it ALL came out! Well i assure her if she can maintain- key word here MAINTAIN! A positive, encourging attitude i will continue to keep her in the loop perse, but my ONLY term is she cannot voulnteer this information to the family, i did instruct her not to lie, but dont voulnteer- if they ask about me, say i am well, you know! So last night we made plans to go to her hous and pop fireworks because i was in the hospital for newyears and my kids missed out, so my brothet in law and his wife and grandson were there. He kept hugging me lol i am not an idiot as they often like to think ( i am just an excellent card player, i observe everything they say and do, hold my cards close- i was raised street! I learned this at a young age to survive!) So anyow i am thinking- it takes me 3 freakin years to trust you and in 3 days you have severed that trust, with NO NO NO chance of ever regaining it! So i am being manhandled, we got there at 6pm and left shortly after 8! That was plenty for me! My husband who is extremly patient was ready to leave within 30 minutes but we had to wait for the sun to go down for those fireworks!!!!!!! THE ABSOLUTE ICING ON THE CAKE IS HOW MY DAUGHTER HANDLED IT (they are sharp, they saw the sad faces, and hugging!) She said "its okay mom thy havent learned to trust in God- we know the truth.) My beautiful 8yr old daughter has more freaking sense than these ADULTS! I told her we just live by example
Whew! I can believe i shared all that- i feel like cheech, but without the fun part of smoking the dope!
Dana- yup no matter what, the prospect of scan, tests, bloodwork gets uscin knots! Keep us posted! Even i hold my breath while waiting for cmy results!!!!!!!
Debbi- YUP! This sure will fly by! Love the ideas! Funny cuz a "rule" in my house is no tv on school nights, thst goes for internet, video games etc.... sunday after "church" it begins ourweek, so up until friday afterschool they are (in their minds) depraved! So imagin their surprise when i think day 2 i was spinning like crazy and told them turn on the tv! They looked at me like i was an alien! My 8 yr old boy kept reminding me it was a school night lol, i told him "free pass dude! Unless you wanna rake the leaves!"
Background on me cuz i am in a shsring mood! I am the ONLY one in my entire family to graduate high school, neither parents, siblings, aunts and cousins! Just me! I left home 16- wellmy mom tried to get me to marry this guy i was datin at 15! Love wasnt givrn in my home, we were working since ppl would pay me (10 or 11 babysitting) i got my first paper route at 12! I would get up at 3/4 am and strap on this heavy bag full of papers, walk (yes walk cuz i didnt have a bike yet) and mind you when i got married at 18 i wieghed under 100 pounds "my wedding dress" was an easter dress from th kids department in mervyns! So i was this little wisp of a girl BUT ifvyou want to eat you gotta work! (Please dont read this and feel sad- i have come to appreciate these lessons thst iwas given) oh and a note- i didnt graduate highshool the normal way lol grduated early! I knew if i didnt lesvecthat situation i would have died! Literally i wa getting caught up with evrything (drugs/crime/sex) anyhow.... so this paper route was funny cuz a boy in my apartments parents saw me getting up and doing it, so they had their 2 boys get one, when it was raining or snowing (which i lived in Washington state- so that WAS often) i could hear their mom telling them to get up and do thei route- look the neighbor girl is doing her route, blahblahblsh LOL they HATED me! I have to clarify- love was given to me by my step dad, we had a unique relationship, i truly miss him, unfourtntly my mother tried to drive a wedge between us, we had thisk thing- lol when my parents would fight my mom would bring my sisters and me to referee who was "right" weof course learned to say it was myvmom who 99% of the time wasntvlol. As soon as we had a moment i would tell him i knowche is right but i didnt want to get itno trouble. He knewcand understood- honedtly he only stayed with my mom to protect us. He NEVER raisec a hand to us in anyway! So yes i was shown love!
Dang myy husbandcwoke up! He doesnt want me strainig my eye lol MORE LATER
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Tex--I'm with you...I told my kids the details also--we wanted it to come from us and so they could feel free to ask/feel what they wanted. I know that some people thought you should shelter the kids from the information but like you, they would have found out either way.
Thanks for sharing a part of your life....even with a harder childhood than most...you have clearly built yourself a good life and you are clearly a wonderful Mom.
p.s. My boys have delivered the papers for 3 years--but they only deliver the local paper three days a week in the evenings...I will tell them your paper-delivery story. They like to tell their horror stories of delivering papers...like war stories...granted they were delivering the paper in minus 40 degree weather last week.
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Good evening, Warriors!
It was 57 wild degrees in CT today!!!!!!!!! I am still astonished at our mid-January treat!!
Tex: I wish you the very, very best this week in rads!I hope it all goes ok and you tolerate those awful steroids as well as possible. I feel for you, kid, I really do. Deb(Sptmm) makes a really good point about reading to the kids so you can all relax together. Also coloring with them or maybe even a board game in bed? Anything you can do to keep them calm, be there for them and also be able to rest a little. Making flash cards for their studies is also a good exercise that you can all do sitting down and it helps them to learn. I wish you the best, think of you every single day and send you positive vibes all the time. Sometimes I wish I could be in Texas, therewith you to help you through. Your dh and the kids are a great support system, though, and for this reason I rest knowing that you are surrounded by love and caring. Take it easy this week and be good to yourself. I agree with Deb in that you do so much with the kids while at the same time dealing with all these cancer issues, it is amazing.Surely accolades don’t take away the struggles you must have at times to keep it all going but I sure hope it helps sometimes to remember how much so many people think of you
My best friend since like 4th grade started a paper route at the age of about 11 also. Her mother was a single parent so she spent a lot of time at my house and my father was kind of like a surrogate dad to her. She did not have a car or a bike and would get up at 4, just like you in all different CT weather, and head out to deliver and I would go collecting with her sometimes with those little white tickets! It was a hard job for a young person but she was independent even way back then.Asfor hardship and families, I went out with a guy from a very, very wealthy Greenwich family once and I remember him saying that every family has all the same dysfunctional crap going on but b/c his family had substantial wealth, everyone thought they had no problems. Boy, did they ever have problems! In any case, most of us are not much different than others. No, none ofus believe our parents ever made all the right decisions by us, loved us and expressed it the way we wanted them to, had all the money to give us all the stuff we wanted, had tons of concern for us at all times etc…. Bottom line human beings are flawed and as much as our parents did not do everything right, they only did what they knew and you have to look to their upbringing to try to establish a philosophical basis for helping yourself better understand their short comings. It is very difficult and clearly your mother, in wanting you to get married, saw a world in which a woman could only survive if she had a man to care for her. You can look to her mother for why she thought that.
My very good friend from college was Haitian. Kelly took me home to meet her mom 1weekend. Her mother was perversely diabolical, repeatedly hammering Kelly about her frivolous college pursuits and that she better just get out there and find herself a man!!!!!We laughed so hard, I nearly soiled myself! All weekend she said our laughing was ridiculous! She mimicked us and lamented our silly nature! Seriously, Kelly had so much fun teasing her mother all weekend about how she would never marry and how she was not going to have some man telling her what to do. Last I knew Kelly did not marry and she is a doctor now. Bottom line, all our parents did was try to neatly package up their neurosis and deliver them to us in a palatable manner! Every family you walk by every day and every person you pass has come from, in one way or another, what they perceived to be parents with dreadful shortcomings and yet we all carryon! Some clearly have worse experiences than others but overall, we all have issues with our parents and guess what? They had issues with their parents! It is as old as the dirt we walk on. Just remember that on some level, they really meant well. They thought, however misguided, what they were doing for you was correct, as harsh as it may now seem. If they thought life was very hard, they would try to prepare you for what they thought was going to be an inevitable of a life of hardship. They wanted you to know that life is very hard and so by doing some things you now resent, all they were doing was trying to get you prepared to have their experience in life. You know what? Life is not hard and life can be wonderful; alas it is 1 part education and 1 part what you make of it. Feel pity for the fact they could not see that life could be beautiful and wonderful and instead tried to get you ready for hardship. They were wrong and you have a loving family and are a loving and caring mom. You choose to pour a healthy love all over your children…a healthy love and you know it is healthy b/c, and sadly, you know what unhealthy love was. It is all love, though, just comes indifferent and sometimes misguided packages. Remember the misguided part and this just might help you, a wee bit, to understand and maybe come to peace with it yourself. You are all that matters now; you and the peace you can make with all that has gone before.
As for those in-laws, I cannot believe what you have to go through. It took her 9 hours to get there with a comb?!Not only that but constantly trying to have to defend your position, it is just maddening. I promise you, I wish so much I had my mom around, and in better condition than she was, during my bc battle and I wish my dad was alive but as for other family and people, I did not want a lot around because they get stupid with their questions and talk of “gone” and “cured” and then I would get pissed off and let it rip!!!!!Then I would find myself upset, then feeling badly, then calm again and the whole cycle could start again at any minute so, and for just these reasons, keep your business to yourself as that whole lot of people sounds completely draining and you need your energy not to fight off feelings of being hurt by the nutty people, their stupid questions and lack of concern and to focus on your kids, keeping yourself happy and unencumbered by the ill-effects of others! As my friend Mary says “I only think about what makes me happy!” Try it, it works! You just have to give up on having any expectations of these people every caring enough to provide you with what you need emotionally during your battle. You hope beyond hope that they will be decent and supportive and then they are a let-down so that means they sap your energy and so before allowing yourself to be disappointed by looking for love in all the wrong places, reminder yourself it is ok to disengage. Just disengage.
Sptmm: 3 years ago I made a reminder in my phone that goes off every day and it says: Cancer loves sugar, cancer loves soy and cancer loves it when you don’t exercise. Those are the facts. You are absolutely correct and that information you read is absolutely true in that cancer loves sugar. It is the gas for the cancer truck. Every white flour product is sugar; mostly all pastas and rice are sugar…we are literally surrounded by it. All I drink is water also. I mean I do have coffee, wine and beer on occasion but by and large, all I drink every day is water. I was so enthralled to get the Cuisinart version of “Soda Stream” for Xmas! Now I can use my fresh fruit and toss it in my seltzer and ain’t life grand?!?!?
Deb, I so wish you were with me tonight. I was at an event and we were talking in a group and this one woman says “so is you cancer gone?” My seltzer almost came out my nose! I mean seriously? Did you just say that? I tried to calmly explain cancer is *never*gone and until there is a cure, no, my cancer has not been “cured!” I asked a friend later if I was diplomatic enough in my delivery and she said people just ask those questions because they are hopeful cancer can actually be “gone.” I told her as much as I would like to emotionally manage everybody else that I, and most people w/cancer, find “gone” and “cured” questions to engender our own false hope about this never-gone disease. Now I guess I have to be sensitive to those without cancer and give them hope that even if their non-cancer state becomes a cancerous one, that they can look forward to using the word “gone” regarding their relationship with this lifelong disease!I don’t think it is ever gone but I do think, if you try to do the right stuff (whatever that means to you and your situation), you might be able to keep it at bay. That is all I think of cancer but I don’t ever make the mistake of verbally reducing this monster to a banished state of “gone.” That is too cavalier for me.
Ginger: it is impossible to stay cool especially when they are, for whatever reason, dissatisfied with what they are seeing and wanting “more” films!!!That is not an issue of not being able to “staying cool” but rather just being human! My heart sank when at Dana this summer they kept wanting to take more on a scan of some sort (I even forget what it was!)b/c it is scary.It is just plain scary. I take 1 of the smallest does of Xanax with me and will take ½ if I feel I am getting anxious. You might want to figure out what your Xanax is and don’t travel w/out it when going for check-ups!
It looks like our “check-up” cycle is now in sync as I go next week also…stomping and screaming but I will go!
Guys, did you ever just not want to go for check-ups anymore? I seriously am just thinking ignorance is bliss. I feel sometimes if I don’t go for check-upsI will never know and maybe I can just cruise into law school and get through and just not deal with cancer anymore. Then I wake up!
I always think they are missing things, that they will never find mets with their hands-off ridiculous bloodwork and boy won't I be nearly dead by the time cancer very noticeably announces itself again!!! And here we all are!!!!!
Happy trails, ladies and MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!!!!!
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