You know youre a cancer patient when....
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The friends disappear, the relatives swoop in and want financial data, and you are totally pissed because you have no plans to die.
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I like this thread! Maybe later I will think of something funny.
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YKYACP when you know short-haired people get the craziest bed-head.
dude!(when it was long I could just slick it into a pony tail and none the wiser but no more)
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YKYACPWhen.....................trying to keep two separate meds 'aligned' so that they always run out on the same day! Problem is...............one script is for 30 days and the other is for 28.
Now..............should I miss taking one of the 30 tabs on two days each month.......... or........... should I just toss the 29 & 30th tab in the bin?Decisions, decisions!
Sheila.
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YKYACP when all week long you keep thinking Target, Target. Why am do I have Target on my mind? I don't especially like the store and it's in another town 20 minutes away? Yesterday my DH asked me if I was still planning on going to Target to get new muffin pans. Oh. Thank goodness he lends me some of his brain cells.
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Ladies,
I've just got to say that all of you have been spot on for what I was looking for when I started this thread. It has given me so much enjoyment! Ironically, I've done very little posting because most of you do a much better job at describing the idiosyncrasies that we now put up with. But my favorite posts are when the new ladies chime in with how they almost pee their pants with laughter. That so many of us can poke fun at Cancer is very heartwarming to me. I'm not alone. We'll kill it with laughter!
Thank you all!
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This thread has been in my favorites since you started it. And though I've only posted a couple of times, I always read and always enjoy the thread. Great idea - many thanks.
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this thread rocks - i am laughing at these posts!
YKYACP when you mention you have to shave your legs before a party (to your 13yo daughter), and 2 minutes later stand in the bathroom, wondering what you are doing there...and 13yo DD says, "Mom, your legs, remember?!"
and - when household chores don't seem like a bother, really - you're just glad you're around and healthy to do them!
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ohhhh, I agree on the cleaning! I cleaned the house yesterday, and it felt so nice!!! But I was exhausted when I was finished!
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My chemo support buddies and I had the same idea as AnacortesGirl... I published this on my Caring Bridge site a few months ago. This is certainly an audience that can appreciate this humor!
You Just Might be on Chemo
One of my chemo buddies is a big fan of Jeff Foxworthy. You might be familiar with his routine, "you just might be a redneck..." where he lists many things that might indicate someone is redneck (whether they know it or not). She started a list along the same lines, just in case someone might be on chemo without knowing it (which is a funny thought in itself). Another buddy and and I added to it. We all had a few good belly laughs ... the best medicine!
If drinking plain water tastes like licking a metal flagpole, you might be on chemo.
You just might be on chemo if you think more about your white count than food.
If you can't stand the sight of your bathroom, you might be on chemo.
If your most unsuspecting friends offer you medical marijuana you just might be on Chemo.
If your hair is falling out in gobs, yep, you just might be on chemo.
If you sleep long after you used to be up and busy, and wake up tired, and go back to bed as soon as possible, you just might be on chemo.
You just might be on chemo if the word "chemo" makes you gag a little.
You just might be on chemo if your life has turned into "Day 1," "Day 2", "Day 3", etc
If you pray (and ask your friends to pray) for such things as lymph nodes, eyebrows, and eyelashes you are probably on Chemo.If you find it hard to watch "House" because of all the clinical settings, you might be on chemo.
If your most recent shopping trip was for hair and boobs (not boots and a haircut) you just might be on Chemo.
If you have a "Borg" or "Power" port and carry lidocaine and Saran wrap in your purse you just might be getting Chemo today.
If you send jokes about chemo to your friends who are on chemo, yep, you just might be on chemo.
And our favorite...if you're dreaming of a new, full head of hair by summer - you might be on chemo.
Three cheers for hair. HAIR HAIR HOORAY! HAIR HAIR HOORAY! HAIR HAIR HOORAY!
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YKYACPW (due to aches and pains) you are in Walmart to get a new knee brace and it feels so good (as you try it on while you're in the electric scooter) that you get one for your other knee too, and then your DH shows you the new model of the wrist splints you used to wear and you try them on and they feel GREAT and you look longingly at the sacrum support which would very possibly feel so good too, but then the ankle supports catch your eyes....
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YKYAACPWhen...............before the event, you forget to ask a perfect stranger if you should ..........swallow or spit..... after it.
Now, now ladies.............I'm talking about the mouth numbing goop they give you so that you can swallow some food after rads to the throat!
Sheila.
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Sheila, you're a woman after my own heart....same sick sense of humor. Fabulous!
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YKYRCPW, you daughter says, wow mom it's8:30 and your still awake.
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Or...
YKYAACP when it's 12:10 am and you are still awake....
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YKYACPW Your watching tv with DH and start pointing out womens boobs and saying I don't want hers they're to saggy or I don't want hers they're too flat......then you start to get excited and pointing and saying, hers! I want hers! : )
Robin
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You know you are a cancer patient when you have a stash of antimicrobial soap in your shower and when in your pre-op appt they try to give you another bottle and say "oh no, I have three bottles at home - you can keep this one".
When you tell people you finished chemo a few weeks ago and their eyes immediately look up to your head to determine if that is a wig or your hair (I kept my hair with Cold Caps so I have to explain - I usually just say "yes, it's my hair").
When you can't wear any pajamas to bed due to hot flashes.
Your DH can count how many night sweats you have per night (because you thrash around trying to get covers off quickly and you wake him up every time)
When you have more controlled substances than a drug dealer in your bathroom and when you go for another procedure they try to write another Rx for vicodine and you tell them "no I already have a ton at home".
When xanax is your good friend.
OK and the annoying thing about being a cancer patient is the weird looks you get when you do to the med onc office because you are much younger than the other people there and they keep staring and wondering if you have cancer (I want to stand up and shout "Yes, I have cancer..I would not be here if it didn't!!!!)
Oh - also when you draw on your eyebrows in the morning and hope that they don't look "angry" like Uncle Leo's eyebrows in the Sienfeld episode (where Elaine draws on his eyebrows after he burned them off). Once they are on for the day, you are screwed.........
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I can think of another one...when you are cooking dinner or doing things in the kitchen and your DH says out of nowhere "those are some gigantic boobies" because he is obsessed with the TE's because they are much larger than your pre-surgery breasts. I keep wondering how he can be so into the TE's...ick! I guess to men if it's a boob, they like it right?
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YKYACPW someone says "You don't LOOK sick" and you tell them you had cancer in your breast, not your face!
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YKYACPW...you realize the paradox -- the moment you finish getting ready to go to the hospital for what's supposed to be a same-day surgery you need to prolong your LIFE -- updating your laptop, putting together a bag with toothbrush, hairbrush, and a change of clothes just in case of unexpected minor to moderate complications that might keep you hospitalized overnight -- you fill out an Advance Directive form and write an "instructions" note for your significant other which covers it all including what to do in the event of serious complications including your DEATH!
Gosh that was sooooo twisted when I realized that at the same time I was doing something so I could LIVE, I was also preparing to DIE. No wonder so many cancer patients end up in psychotherapy! :-O
And...YKYACPW you give those written instructions to your SO, he reads them, and compliments you on how you did the smart thing as he drives you to the hospital.
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Oh, and while on the subject of surgery....
YKYACPW the emotional volatility has you turning off your DVD player in the middle of a Star Trek: Voyager episode, in a sudden intense fit of depression as a direct reaction to Seven of Nine and her perfect D-cup figure -- but later on that same evening you look in the mirror, see your unreconstructed flat-chested profile in the mirror and it occurs to you that there's been A-cup and smaller-chested fashion models who were almost exactly as flat and just slender as you are now, so you then think, about your new body, "maybe it won't be THAT bad after all, thank goodness my diet worked so I won't be fat AND flat...it's not like I was stacked to begin with, I only was 34C...maybe slim and streamlined can be feminine and sexy too....?" (at least in clothing anyway)...
...and then you cry again because even though they weren't big, they'd still been NICE (shape, symmetry, incredible sexual tactility).
...and back and forth trying to accept that "it is what it is" and scrambling to think of a way to NOT think of yourself as "damaged goods."
(uh yeah, I guess it's pretty obvious I recently had a BMX..a week ago today...)
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...your dental hygenist feels it's ok to ask you if your hair and/or your boobs are your own.
Seriously?! Some people just really need a lesson in tact.
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{{Lena}} I was envious of Jeri Ryan (Seven of Nine) before I had a bmx, that costume OMG!
Yes, you can be feminine without breasts. With or without clothing.
I'm 18 months out and doing OK in that regard.
But I still miss them, some days more than others.
YKYACP when you think of your breasts in the past tense.
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Barbe -- I love your reply above!
YKYACPW someone has to be home to sign for the $5000 worth of drugs that get delivered to your home every month via UPS. (Can't just have it left on the porch. If someone stole it --- who would want it???? ---- the insurance company would probably not pay until the next month's refill and I certainly don't want to cough up $5000 to have it refilled again!)
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Badger, come to think of it, so was I. I liked my breasts a lot, but there were occasional times I wished they were D instead of C...and most of them were when I was watching Voyager!
Goodness, Faith, if I had to cough up five grand out of pocket for a month's worth of meds, I wouldn't be able to take my meds until they were covered (that's happened, BTW; not having my medications stolen or losing them, but having to pay more out of pocket than I could afford). At best my checking account only has $2-3K in it and I still have to pay the rent, utilities and eat. I guess it's good that I pick up my medications at the pharmacy huh? LOL
YKYACPW...you look in the closet where your "nicer" clothes are -- the ones you mostly haven't worn since the economy ate your job late spring 2008 and then you got diagnosed in winter 2009 with Stage IV breast cancer -- and think you're looking at someone ELSE's wardrobe, especially knowing they probably won't even fit you anymore...and you also realize you have no clue what this "stranger" (the "new you" gosh I hate that term) would even WANT to wear.
(Looks like I'll be donating them to the thrift shop as soon as I physically feel up to bundling them up and going there.)
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Lena, I was 'just' a B so never had D aspirations, just admiration for her Borg perfection.
OK if she worked for it, but if she was just handed that body I would have to hate her.
I got rid of most of my clothing with darts. Flat is one thing but empty is another.
Most people are far less observant than you think but you'll be self-conscious for a while.
I've heard good things about smock tops from Dress Barn, and I like Coldwater Creek.
YKYACP when you know where to shop for clothing without bust darts. {{hugs}}
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LOL badger...none of my clothes had "bust darts" in them anyway -- I didn't like bust darts even when I had a bust so I didn't buy anything like that.
Anyway, it's no problem other than figuring out which (bust dart free) kinds of clothes I'll want to wear in addition to jeans and T-shirts. I do need a couple more pairs of jeans so I'll get them, but that's OK -- I need jeans for a GOOD reason: my diet was successful! I may not like it that I lost my breasts, but I'm REALLY glad I lost those 30 pounds! And since I'm on a fixed (SSDI) income, I already know where I'll be shopping once I'm up to it -- the same thrift shop I'm taking my "old" clothes to. LOL However, I actually LIKE the thrift shop. I've only shopped there a few times over the years but they have some really nice and pretty stuff there, it's not JUST things like jeans and T-shirts, and even *I* can, albeit infrequently, actually AFFORD to go on a "mad shopping spree" there, the prices are THAT good. PLUS they even have private changing rooms so you can try before you buy. Can't beat that place with a stick so far as I'm concerned! I actually like them better than I ever liked any of the stores with "brand new" clothes.
Thanks for the warning about being self conscious. You're absolutely right. I was glad when we got back from having my drains taken out this afternoon that none of the neighbors were out and about -- and I still "darted" into the house as quickly as I could!
YKYACPW when in addition to having a "Gloom & Doom" area in your browser for the Internet bookmarks to your news and seditious sites ("General"), you also have the "Up Close and Personal" category with bookmarks to BCO and other breast cancer sites, your treatment center's "patient online" area and a number of various hospice organizations.
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LOL Lena, I love Goodwill and shop there too.
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YKYACPW......you finally notice people are looking at you because you are humming as you eat because of the joy from having taste buds again. My husband gauges a meal one by the humming.
dx: 6/17/09 IDC IIB; neoadjuvant 4 DD AC 4DD Taxol completed 11/9/09; mastectomy 12/3/09 1/19 nodes; 25 radiation treatments 2/12/10; ER+PR+, HER2-; DIEP 6/3/2010; removal of flap 7/13/10; first fat grafting 3/20110 -
YKYACPW you now buy shirts that cover your chest instead of buying shirts that show off a little cleavage.
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