Great saying about depression

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  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited April 2012

    You ladies are cracking me up over here...Claire I just picture your old puppy giving you skunk eye from across the room as you type. Maybe your dog is having some vision or hearing issues so at night she feels vulnerable. Hope your consult goes well!! Yes let us know what they say.

    Sj29 welcome to our little group and so sorry at your young age you are dealing with all this crap. I read somewhere that the average age of a BC diagnosis is 66!! I wish I couldve enjoyed life untill 66. It is tough...not that I am as young as you but I went out at least 3 times a week...sometimes every night. in 2009 I would say my social life hit the all time high...I had so many wonderful fun single friends and we did everything together and when I was first diagnosed everyone guys and girls rallied around me. Now My phone hasnt rung in two days except for the deilivery guy for my oven telling me he was on his way. Its hard cause I was always the coordinator of our social events and I was the one with all the endless funny stories when the party got dull...and now I feel like I have nothing to talk about. Small talk seems so meaningless and getting drunk all night seems like a waste of time. Not to mention of course I got caught in the guilt of did I cause my cancer with my party party life style for so long. A part of me still thinks yes I did. SJ you are still so early in your diagnosis and I know it seems like it will never get better but it will. I may not be the same ...but it will be better than it is today. I am 2 1/2 years out from diagnosis and I feel like the 2 year mark was a turning point. A point where I relaxed a little about recurrence and dying of cancer...a point where I was done with recon and happy with how I looked...my hair grew back...my boobs looked balanced..and I was a little more at peace and acceptance that this was how I was gonna look (minus the 12 lbs I will lose this summer from being lazy and overindulging) and you will see that people you never expected to step up will and be a great source of comfort and support and some people will seem superficial and you will not want to share much of your emotional journey with them or count on them for much support. It is definitely a sad and lonely process but unfortunately I think it is one we all must take...alone. It just takes a while to process it and I always say you have to let the physical heal before you begin to heal emotionally. I think we all put our emotions on the back burner and we are shuffling off to appointments and surgeries and treatments just plowing through it and "being strong" then one day the rollercoaster stops ...you get off ..and say what the hell just happended to me?? Then the flood gates open...but that is ok. You need to feel what you feel to process it and move forward. It might take longer than you want but you will get through it. We are all here for you and happy to share any part of our journey with you if you have specific questions. Feel free to PM me at anytime!! Hang in there sweetie...we got ya!

    Stanzie your puppy is so cute and looks very smart. I am sure he will calm down once he gets a little older and not so curious.

    Hope everyone is having a good start to the week. I am off to become a blonde...or a red head?? haven't yet decided ..LOL

    Hang in there everyone! Talk to you lovelies later 

  • hopefulhealing
    hopefulhealing Member Posts: 581
    edited April 2012

    Diane well said!!! Go red :)

  • joan888
    joan888 Member Posts: 711
    edited April 2012

    Lots going on here, as usual. I have really appreciated hearing from you ladies about feeling so "out of place" in social situations. I have to go to my DH's airline retirement dinner this Friday evening and am dreding it so much. My DH is very social and will, of course, know all the other honored retires and many more of the 400 people there. I am going to stall and manage to arrive towards the end of the cocktail hour so I can just enter with our family and be seated quickly. This will be my first really big outing since all this crap started. And I just had a bit of a setback with a lat flap surgery a couple weeks ago.. So still dealing with drains, meds, and flare up of LE.



    Yes, everyone will be staring at my chest and asking, how are you doing, like they really want to hear the truth? NOT. And oh, yes, there is the "you are a strong woman" comment. I am already trying to come up with some really good answers to all that stuff.



    Last weekend I gave a presentation at a women's retreat which I entitled "When Being Strong is the Only Choice You Have.". The presentation went very well and I guess I touched alot of women's hearts. I found that it was very much a part of my healing process for me. Then, this morning I wake up very anxious and depressed about Friday night. Our grown children are flying in this weekend for the big event. I think that I will have a little talk with all of them before we head out for the dinner. Just feel I need to forewarn them about my anxiety so perhaps they can help me in and out of some potentially unwanted conversations, if you know what I mean.







  • kmccraw423
    kmccraw423 Member Posts: 885
    edited April 2012

    This is not a "favorite" thread of mine but will be now.  I, too, have beeing dealing with depression for a long time.  Since 2008 my general health has been poor.  Within the last 6 months I have llost 40 pounds and gotten my blood sugar under control (I am a diabetic).  I now have orthostatic hypertension (lying down it is higih, standing up it drops dramatically).  I recently (April 4th) had a total hip replacement.  From Day 2 following the surgery my doctor is telling me I should not be in pain!   The hospital couldn't seem to grasp that I was a vegetarian diabetic.  I had a terrible reaction to the pain medicine and ended up vomited everything I had eaten.  I needed two blood transfusion days after the surgery as I was just correcting anemia when I went into the hospital).  They transferred me to a rehab center four days after the surgery.  I was still in pain and feeling like I had made a mistake getting the hip surgery.

    My last day at rehab I inadvertently found that the 200 mg of Zoloft I took before surgery had been reduced to 100 mg by the hospital and continued the whole time I was in rehab.  The entire post-surgical period, as a result of their incompetence, had me miserable, angry and literally feeling like clawing my skin of my body.  I am still in pain and felt like taking the whole bottle of pain meds just to end the pain once and for all.  I realize this will take time but I am very, very angry about this whole experience.

    I knew this group would understand completely.  Thank you for letting me vent.

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 2,604
    edited April 2012

    kmmcraw: im so so sorry things were going so bad with the hip replacement.. i get soo angry, when they just change things willy nilly, when you're in a hospital.. ive had so many fights with mine, i now have carte blanch" to take y own meds when i stay.. their idea of if this will work, this will DOES NOT work with me.. last time, they tried to change the brand of insulinn, and i was so sick, you couldn't believe!!!i can imagine the fit they have having to feed a vegetarian diabetic.. !!!(and they call themselves nutritionists!!!) i hope things are getting better, since ( i assume ) you upped your zoloft to where it should be.. wow!!!i didn't realize how badly "their" decisions still sets me off!!!

     Claire, the hug was so heartfelt, and appreciated.. back at cha.. and i am so glad you got the mental break you needed.. you'll work, when the RIGHT job presents itself.. please, don't ever subject yourself to the abuse you were getting agsin!!!!

      as per the question about socializing.. i think thats' the hardest part of this for me..

      i was a social butterfly before this whole debacl started.. knew everyone, talked to anyone.. now, im very picky who i talk to, and only for short times..

      i know its' MS related, also, like Stanzie said.. and, yes, it drives me crazy, i can hear snatches of every conversation, but can't concentate on who im talking to.. drives me mad!!!

      i make any "dates" we make with ple time related, i can't hang in for longer than a few hours.. i don't question what "used" to be anymore.. this is the way i HAVE to do it now..

      i have whats' been dxed as " agitated depression" and as you guys know, the only anti depressent  i could take ( an oldy ) i can't take with synthyroid.. so the depression is BAD.. i try to keep myself busy, i know "distration" is the way to go, now..

      im also VERY isolated, not strong enough, or aware enough to drive now.. my husbands car accident finished the extra car, anyway.. but, we're in search of an old van.. that will enable me to get out, with the electric wheelchair, and will give me way more independance.. thats' the thing i hate the worst.. i went from a VERY independent person, to a very dependent one. and i HATE HATE HATE it!!!

      im working on little things, and the more i get, the better i do.

     its' going to take a long time to overcome what some ple think SHOULD'VE been a "bump" in the road.. those that feel that way, i have no time for.. unfortunately, my sons don't exactly agree, so my relationships are strained there.. its the only place i try, anymore.. i've gotten so much older, i can jst chalk it up to "old and crotchety" and i do, a lot...

      i really feel bad for those of you who are much younger than i. I got sober many, many years ago: but i wasn't young, and it I don't have time, or energy to deal with "suffering fools" Stanzie.. i so agree. we WILL find our way thru this all. but it IS a minefeild, for all of us.. different in many ways, but the same, emotionally... know i care about you all; you truly ARE the group of friends i have, that "get it" the "it" thats below all the surface things.......3jays

     

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited April 2012

    Wow!  Lots of powerful posts and gems in every one.  Seems we're all dealing with similar issues emotionally and socially.  Like 3jays said- so many think this is just a bump in the road but a lot of us are already dealing with other health issues or stressors so it can become a little overwhelming at times.  

    joan- That's a huge event to go to.  No wonder you're feeling some anxiety.  I would definitely let your family know what you're feeling so they can shield you as much as possible.  Just curious since my DH was an airline pilot- what did your DH do?  I think my DH has regretted not having some kind of retirement party since he became disabled not retired.  He just went from flying one day to not flying the next.

    Kathleen- I think we all feel some anger anyway but, for me, it becomes intensified when the experience becomes even more stressful because someone doesn't do their job right.  I always thought we had such great health care in the US until I was subjected to it.  I'm sorry you had to go through that.  I've had to go off anti-d's before and it's no picnic so can relate to the withdrawal symptoms.  Can't imagine doing that on top of major surgery.  I think your anger is completely understandable.

    Debbie- I have hearing loss in one ear too, which came on suddenly about 5 years ago, but wear a tiny hearing aid that helps some.  I still struggle in noisy social situations, though, and I think that was the beginning of my feeling of awkwardness long before BC.  Lately, it's just intensified.  I've been so "turned inwards" that I feel I have nothing to talk about that is of any interest to someone else.  

    Stanzie- I have that same thing of not being able to hear 2 sounds at the same time.  It's like my brain processes the background sound first.  If my DH and I are out to dinner I can't seem to tune out the conversations around me.  Or if I'm watching t.v. I find it hard to follow the dialogue if the background music or sounds is too loud.  It's so strange.  Parties are really hard.  I have to really focus to follow the conversation and find I'm exhausted when I get home.  Maybe that's why I like it on here so much.  I can hear my thoughts and just the click-click-click of the keyboard.

    Claire- Good luck with your consult.  I hope it all goes well for you!

    I just noticed that a lot of us are dog owners/lovers!  They sure bring a lot of comfort and joy during difficult times.  My Yorki-poo, Scout, just knows when I'm upset.  Even if I sigh deeply she will look up and look deep into my eyes to make sure I'm o.k.  If I cry she will climb in my lap and lick my face.  Not sure what I would do without her. 

  • joan888
    joan888 Member Posts: 711
    edited April 2012

    Kate, my DH suddenly retired last Sept from AA international pilot, really,  really long hauls to Asia. He left on his last trip not knowing that it was his last.  By the time he got back from that trip, the old bankruptcy rumors were flying high and he had to retire to maintain his well earned pension. He had just turned 61 and was planning to fly another 3-4 years, but, oh well.  Better to take the money and get out.  There were a large number of pilot retirements during that time so this is a really large gathering.  We have not yet planned his own retirement party, just for him... gee, wonder why?   I am hoping that we can do that someday, no rush. Maybe you could plan a special, small family and friends gathering to commemorate your DH's airline career? 

  • hopefulhealing
    hopefulhealing Member Posts: 581
    edited April 2012

    joan I think if you wear something you are really really comfortable in that will help.  So you are not pulling and checking your neckline etc.  Wear a scarf draped etc so there is no point in someone staring.  I think it is a great idea to let the kids know what you are comfortable with as far as your dx and sharing with people so they can deflect comments if they get started. 

    My best friend said she deflected things about her BC inquiries by saying I am doing fine let's talk about you............

    Ok this is too wierd I have had ear surgery on both ears and am basically deaf in the left and have a hearing aid (in the canal) on the left! Hate background noises too.

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited April 2012

    joan- I think it's hard when they don't know their last trip is their last trip.  I had the same thing happen as a flight attendant.  I left to go out on maternity leave and needed to extend it for personal reasons but they wouldn't so ended up having to quit.  It was pretty anti climatic after so many years there.  Funny thing- I worked for America West which became US Air and now might possibly become American.  My ex is a pilot for American so if the merger goes through we would have ended up flying for the same company if I stayed.  Glad your DH was able to protect his pension!

    hope- OK, that is weird!  3 of us with hearing issues?  Maybe that's why we like the computer so much!  :) 

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited April 2012

    Hello All,

     Well I wrote this long post and well don't know how I lost it but I did. Now I don't have as much to share as it has now all gone out of my brain.... However...

    Joan, I hope it isn't as stressful as you are thinking it might be. I'm glad you will have your kids to help buffer people but I'm thinking if you still have drains you are pretty soon out of surgery so I'm thinking most people will be thrilled to see you and see you out and looking good. So I'm hoping you will be surrounded by warmth and caring and honestly feel like everyone is happy to see you. 

    kmccraw- how terribly frightening! I'm so sorry all that happened to you and then to find the mistakes... Of course you are angry!  I don't understand how so many mistakes are made..... Hope things are getting easier with your new hip.

    3jays! You know I can tell you must have been a social butterfly and had everyone flocking to be around you as we all do and look forward to all your posts.I can only imagine how hard it is to be dependent on others... the few times I have needed to ask for help - it is very hard and it is hard to take help so I understand your anger as well. You have so much going on yet you help so many of us all the time! 

    Kate- I know you can relate all too well about mistakes made... ugh. Very interesting about the hearing loss with three of you or should I say us. I think you hit it perfectly when you said little things can make everything so overwhelming... I think that is what ends up really getting me. It will finally be something small but it has been many small things and just because of everything else... it just pushed me over the edge. I know also MS can have lots of mood swings and depression so feels like it all of a sudden hits. 

    Hopeful- I have had people say that to me and I can tell it gives both of us a very graceful way to acknowledge the situation but not to dwell or talk too much about it and then we can just concentrate on a pleasant "normal" visit - a visit like people have prior to BC. 

    You all are just so amazing - reading all the posts gives such a tremendous amount of love and warmth- whether we are talking about something good or bad it is just wonderful to know we have each other and can share and really share our true feelings and worries and know we will be heard. So thank you all.... I also love how each of our own personalities shine through these posts and like Kate says these little clicks on the computer reach and touch others in ways that are so important to each of us. So thanks to everyone.

  • sj29
    sj29 Member Posts: 14
    edited April 2012

    OO ladies where do I even begin. Since so many wrote back to what I did I am just going to address everything in one because I have so much to say! First, thank you for all your thoughts and concerns..honestly it really does make me feel like I am not alone..even if it is only over the computer ;). I think it was dead on saying the innocence is lost and even though I don't feel innocent :), I do feel like no one my age understands me. Going out in the social situations is hard because watching those people..I USE TO BE THAT PERSON. The one dancing around, talking, etc. and now I just wish I could be like that again. DiDel it is funny you say that maybe partying has caused some of this because I think the same exact way. Even though all I have done was drink socially in highschool, college, and after it was probably more than I should have. I have no genetic history and no other risk factors. It is so frustrating not knowing so I just chalk it up to that I did not take care of myself as much as I should have even though I was healthy prior with no issues and not over-weight. In fact, when I got diagnosed I was in the best shape of my life! I got married 3 months before and was fit, lost the little excess weight, and was eating well. I feel that it is so true to that we bulldoze through the initial stuff because have to..there is no other choice but to just go. My surgery is now 3 months out (seems crazy) and I did a unilateral nipple sparing mastectomy with immediate implant. I tell people that was the easy part. Crazy to say, but it was for me. Everything went so smoothly and I am actually surprised on how good it looks. Yes, the numbing aspect is still getting used to, but I just feel so emotionally messed up that it effects everything.

    Even work has been a problem for me. I feel like my inner isolated feeling is now coming out on the outside. I haven't been really happy at work before this all began and now it is just getting worse. I am a nurse in a Children's Hospital and though I love my job, it has gotten to be too intense (ICU). Also, all the negativity around me and gossiping that goes on between women is driving me insane! Not that I am perfect, but my God I just can't deal with it at all anymore. Even the smallest comment it is like I just don't care! I had/have issues with women at work whom I used to be friends with literally be mad at me because I didn't tell them about my diagnosis soon enough and some it was in an email to...ridiculous!!!

    I have been crying more than I would like to lately because I just wish this wasn't my life. I can't stress how many times I too hear "Your so brave." It is like these people say once in a great while and because I look good then I am doing good? So frustrating!! Thanks again for all your comments I gotta get back to work!!! Happy Tuesday!

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited April 2012

    sj- Oh gosh my heart just breaks for you! You are dealing with so much and you are so very young! And especially having just gotten married! That is huge! Is there a counselor at the hospital you could talk to - or a cancer support group you could attend. We are certainly here for you but you might need someone close to you at home that you can see. I just know how I felt and how hard the first year of marriage was so.... I just think you really are going through so much. And YES I think it hits most of us After the surgery and once time has sunk in and we realize we are forever changed and forever different. Sending lots of healing thoughts and ((hugs)) to you!

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited April 2012

    sj29- One thing I've noticed about myself is I no longer have a tolerance for drama.  Usually it's just because the drama or gossiping is about something so insignifcant in the grand scheme of things.  But it's also because I've seen how women can, and should, treat each other on this site- with support and understanding.  So now I have no patience for the other stuff.  It's so petty and immature and I don't have the energy for it.  I used to try to fix the drama and even got caught up in it from time to time.  Now I just walk away because it's not worth it.  I think those around you are still caught up in the drama cycle but you've seen there are more important things now.  You've change your priorities where theirs have remained the same and now it probably feels like you don't fit in or don't want to fit into their lives anymore.  I think we've all found out through all of this that some friends are lost along the way but some new ones are made too.

    Just an update everyone- GP called and xray is normal.  Woo Hoo!  She's just recommending some PT so will need to fit that in when I'm cleared by my LE therapist. 

  • kmccraw423
    kmccraw423 Member Posts: 885
    edited April 2012

    Group hug going out to everyone!

    I can relate to the drama issues ... there is always one going on in my family.  I, too, used to jump in to try to solve the problem - now I could care less.  First, its not my responsibility, second I don't have the energy, third, I DON'T care!  People like to complain ... they rarely want solutions.  I think as we age we become more tolerant because we simply run out of energy.  Also, as I grow older I find that I don't know half of what I think I knew!

    Our health care system leaves much to be desired and care of the elderly sucks!  I saw so much in the rehab facility (where, at 65, I think I was the youngest person there).  One woman was almost 90 and had colitis -- all she worried about was whether she had enough diapers to last her each day.  Why they couldn't give her a good supply and put her mind to rest, I don't know. I do know that after making it to 90, that shouldn't be your biggest priority.  Some of the situations that those people have to endure just breaks my heart.My final conclusion is that if you are not a sheep, blindly following orders you are labeled a trouble maker.

    Stanzie ... you said it best.  Thank God for you women.  If it were not for you I think I would have been placed in a rubber room some time ago.  Just to have your feelings validated makes all the difference in the world.  I love you guys!

    Kate ... so glad x-ray was normal.  Yea!!!!!

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited April 2012

    Kathleen- so very true- if they young knew how much the later would realize they didn't know ... well actually then they probably would try as hard and that is probably a good thing... just in day to day talk a bit less know it all would be good.

    That is just so sad and awful about the 90 year old woman... Makes me remember when I was hospilized for 2 months when I was pregnant - the top baby's water broke early(down syndrome) and the bottom baby basically saved his life - however I was leaking the amneotic fluid which was just horrible.. sorry TMI - but I can relate as I was totally bedridden and I know it would worry me greatly not to have enough towels near me. So I can relate and no they wouldn't bring me a supply either... makes me think it is some power thing - I don't know... but I understand her worry. Needless to say I was so worried and terrified the entire time that I was going to lose both babies or they would be born horribly premature... 

     Kate- - also thrilled you have normal x-ray- Whew!!! 

    Hope you all have a nice and calm and lovely day! 

  • cmbear
    cmbear Member Posts: 674
    edited April 2012

    Kate--big HAPPY DANCE for you!!! One less thing in your basket. 

    sj--big hugs to you. It is perfectly ok to feel the way you do at this stage. It takes awhile to get over the shock and the numbness of your DX. I was pretty much a zombie for the first several months. I'm almost two years out from my DX, and I can tell you that I still think of BC every day. Not every day is a sad day, not every day is an angry day. Some days are worse than others. But there are great days that I am thankful for my boys, my husband, that I an alive to share it with them. Those are the days that make me hopeful. You'll get there, give yourself time. And remember, we are always here.

    On another note, my recon surgery is scheduled for May 30 here in Orlando. They wanted to schedule me on May 18--but that is my youngest 16th birthday, and I just couldn't do that to him. "Yeah, thanks, Mom!" I would NEVER live that down. I still am pissed off that Elvis died the day before my 16th birthday. Do you think anyone cared about little ol' me that day?  : ) 

  • hopefulhealing
    hopefulhealing Member Posts: 581
    edited April 2012

    Claire great news that you are scheduled finally!!

    Kate so glad it is something that can be successfully treated!!

    Stanzie isn't it hard to be at the mercy of the hospital staff.  I had a couple wonderful nurses but I had one that I would not let care for my worst enemy!

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited April 2012

    Kate: a big yahoo for a clear xray!

    Claire: well, you are on the road of reconstruction.  It may have bumps and curves but we will all be here for you.  I am happy I had reconstruction, but mainly because I think it made my son less uncomfortable.  My implants at 225cc are much smaller than my breasts were at 500+ but I chose to go smaller to decrease the strain on the pec muscles.  On the plus side, none of my tops or dresses fit anymore so I gave my whole wardrobe to my BFF and am collecting new clothes.  Go girl!

    Stanzie: as a RN I could smack any nurse who doesn't do everything they can to make a patient comfortable and put their mind at ease.  If they can't then they definitely are in the wrong profession.

  • kmccraw423
    kmccraw423 Member Posts: 885
    edited April 2012

    I am beginning to think it is just a lack of caring.  My last roommate before I left was also 90 witih a knee replacement.  All she wanted to know is what meds they were giving her, the dosage, and why.  Seems simple enough - right?  I don't think they know!  I believe a good training course for those responsible for others is to tie them to a bed and let them rely totally on their caregivers.  They would last two hours.  I got the distinct impression that the patients were the last on their priority list.  Oh well, I am not going to dwell on it - I will refuse any further surgery and hence not put myself in that position.

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited April 2012

    Claire- Glad you have a date to circle on the calendar.  I think it will definitely help you feel you are moving forward!

    Just got back from LE PT.  The swelling has definitely decreased but the pain seems to come and go.  She said I'm almost ready to be measured for sleeves- oh joy.  It should time out just perfectly for the sleeves and the 100* weather to come at the same time.  Ugh!  I think I have to wear them all day at first but should be able to get to a point where it's just for strenuous stuff.  Hope so anyway.  She recommended I avoid salty foods, alcohol and caffeine.  I told her those were my 3 food groups!  Well, maybe not the alcohol too much but give up caffeine?!?  Nobody wants to see that!Laughing 

  • cmbear
    cmbear Member Posts: 674
    edited April 2012

    3 food groups--hahaha Kate tooo funny. Although she left out the 4th food group---chocolate!!

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited April 2012

    I want to say so much but stupidly just put my eye medication in my right eye so I cant see.

    Kate WhooWhooo (watching Wendy Williams...she cracks me up..audience chant) sooooo glad your xray didnt indicate a bigger problem...you are on your way to feeling better. Yeaaaahhh

    Claire so glad you have your surgery scheduled!

    and when they say no caffeine ladies...that includes chocolate. Cry

    More tomorrow...sorry I am just having one of those nights..Im not blue just a clumsy mess at the moment.

    Diane

  • cmbear
    cmbear Member Posts: 674
    edited April 2012

    So I am "dying" to know Diane--did you go red or stay blonde???

  • kmccraw423
    kmccraw423 Member Posts: 885
    edited April 2012

    Kate ... that is too funny - I feel the same way - except maybe alcohol.  Back in the day when I had PMS I needed a salt lick!  Of course, in those days I needed restraints to keep from commiting homicide too!

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited April 2012

    Oh Ack,- I didn't catch that either of course chocolate = caffine- that is truely NOT FAIR!

    Was the eye meds supposed to go in the other eye? Oh dear...... And yes blond or red? I'm hoping red and want pictures!

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited April 2012

    Ha ha you ladies made me LOL...actually I didnt do either! I darkened my roots to a chocolate brown..and did the Ombre effect with lighter ends but thanks to chemo my hair is so dry and course my hairdresser did not want to go blonde and thanks to Tamoxifen my hair is so thin on top she didnt want to apply a lot of color. and I got bangs.havent had bangs in 10 years probably but again front of hair is so thin i cant do a side part anymore..I look bald Embarassed...so BANGS it is!!

    I will post a pic on a day I didnt get caught in the pouring down rain. Does anybody know that song by Florence and the Machine..Shake it Out..I Love it...just listened to it 3 times in a row. I posted a line on FB a couple weeks ago and I think people thought I was crazy but I was waiting to see if someone knew the rest of the line.." Its hard to dance with the devil on your back..so SHAKE HIM OFF"  I think BC is the devil on my back at the ,moment.

    I talked to my new onc today I really like him. I am going to see him in August and he said he doesnt do blood work until I have symptoms. I thought that was odd especially since i didnt have symptoms before..he said..and it didnt show up in your blood work. He said he doesnt do scans or bloodwork essentially since it wont change your course of treatment. I explained to him how I knew so many women that by the time they caught the mets they were beyond treatment and I dont want that to happen to me. I want it caught as early as possible. He caved and said we'd do bloodwork in August..I love being in charge of my healthcare

    I hope everyone is having a good day! I got some good news about work today so I am a little updeat. I cant post much cause I am at a clients ...so I will be back later.

    Hugs to all!

    Diane

    ETA Kathleen your dog is so fricking cute she/he must get away with EVERYTHING with those big button eyes. Yes Kate...pets are the best medicine!

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited April 2012

    Woke up feeling great this morning- no swelling and no pain.  Of course, I did just have back to back appointments with my LE therapist.  I'm sure there will be lots of ebbs and flows with this LE thing and I'll swell up like an oompa-loompa again.  But today is a good day and I'll take it.  Hope everyone else is having a good day, too!

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited April 2012

    Sorry for barging in, but I've been locked out of bco after a "time-out" due to technical difficulties!!!!

    I've missed so much, so please know I feel your pain.

    Joan, please check out Fibromyalgia. As for the party tomorrow night, just tell nosy people that it's not about you tonight and to please focus on the retirees. I HATE social events too. I just don't know what to say... What does everyone talk about?????? AND....get this....I have terrible hearing!! Quel surprise!!! I used to have TWO hearings aids but I just heard to much and then when a battery died it was terribly disorientating! They were very expensive, with a remote for different sound situations (movie, church, phone, etc).

    Hi Kathleen!!!!

    Did anyone realize I was missing?

  • hopefulhealing
    hopefulhealing Member Posts: 581
    edited April 2012

    Barbe we all did!!! Glad to see you back.

    Kate I have a drink when we go out to eat so not often. But give up caffiene I couldn't survive!!!!!

    Tamoxifen did a number on my hair too Diane again, the stuff that people don't realize.

    Beautiful day today I love it.  It makes me smile and then that makes my spirit smile and then I smile at others and they smile back.................  I know I am kind of wierd today

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited April 2012

    Barbe, I was about to pack my bag and come up to Canada looking for you.  After Mary, I just had to start posting again, and maybe as an observer, not posting, I noticed you weren't there - at all - anywhere!  And it really worried me so I asked everyone here if anyone had another way of reaching you.  Just glad it wasn't your health that kept you away!

    Diane - Hmmm, my Femara hasn't changed my hair but my hair is ringlet curly now after the chemo instead of straight as a stick.

    Kate: you are due a good day.  Imerse youself in it!