Great saying about depression
Comments
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Joan- How the HECK did I miss the fact you still had drains in?!? I think it's very brave of you to venture out with those puppies attached! So glad your family rallied around, friends made an effort and you were able to have a good time. I'm sure your DH appreciated the effort, too.
Debbie- My DH is actually doing great with his meds. His neurologist said they've made huge strides in the last 3 years. The good thing, too, is he has the slow progressing kind and his Dr. said that never changes (i.e. it doesn't suddenly speed up) so we feel very lucky.
Lindsey- I'm sorry you're still struggling. I know what it feels like especially when everyone around you thinks it's over and done. What's really hard is I think you can't really move on emotionally until all the physical stuff is taken care of first. And until that happens it can feel like your life is in a holding pattern. I hope you can figure out where the discomfort is coming from with the implants. Half the battle is just figuring out the cause.
Diane- Good luck with the LE session. Sorry it's at the crack of dawn. I am so not a morning person either!
My DH went to visit his parents for a few days in San Clemente and I'm missing him like crazy! Funny, when he was flying we were apart half the week but now I've gotten used to having him home every day. The house feels different when he's not here.
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Kate, so glad, if it's possible to be glad about something that changes your whole life, that Paul's parkinson's is the slow kind. And like you said, as the years go on there will be more and more treatment and hopefully a cure. I am sure you miss him, as you have gotten into a comfort zone to have him home and cook for you. I'm very jealous that he cooks!
Diane: Oops, sorry about your PS: just looking for spare single males for you that are nice enough to have a wonderful woman like you in their life.
Lindsey: You know yourself you strive for perfection and that' what you are comfortable with. You set high standards for yourself from coping habits you developed when you were younger. Your last year was a "Horrible horrible horrible Year" and you went through the wringer more than once, both your mind and body. Then the New Year starts and you jump back into work and you expect to go on like the past year never happened. Well it did, and the impact, as Kate said, keeps coming. There are good times, bad times, pain, improvement, setbacks, rude and unkind people and life in general. And that cat of yours 'Cajun' if I remember, I'm surprised he hasn't bitten you or scratched you before. I got a wee scratch from my cat during my chemo and ended up like you, with red streaks going up my arm and antibiotics for 2 weeks. Your immune system must also be depleted. Be kind to yourself...
.Also, my dear husband Jerry just had his 78th birthday a few weeks ago and still rises with the sun and is on the go all day.
My son, Max, has moved to the city - Brisbane, and is sharing a house with two of his friends and going to Griffith University. His grades his first year at uni were not anything great, and out of 7 courses, he passed 6. He says he is applying himself more this year as he sees the error of his ways but I do think me getting the Dr to prescribe antidepressants for him in mid-October is what has made the difference. He just never came out of the depression and anxiety from my BC, and watching him be so lethargic and argumentative was exhausting for me. I have told him if he studies and applies himself and passes his courses, I will continue to fund his living expenses but was a mean Mom and made him take out a government student loan for tuition. If he does not pass his classes, money from me stops. He can come home and I'll feed him, but I will not put gas in his car, buy his clothes or finance his party night outs. It's either learn or earn. My husband says am I going to let him starve. No, but he can come home and live if he isn't doing his part.
Oh Diane, as you are doing all that training, you could come over here and do a triathlon in sunny Queensland!
I know I must recognize how BC has challenged me and made changes in my life, but I fight like hell every day to gain control. I admit some days I say 'ok, this is a book reading day, stretched out on the porch or in my lofty bedroom, but I will fight.
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Lindsey so sorry about the arm infection. Wow enough already!
Diane good for you with the exercise. I have started back up either walking or treadmill. Need to figure out how to firm up the thighs!
I hope everyone has a gentle lovely day
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At my LE appointment yesterday morning..they just showed me some light exercises to start out with before hitting the gym and using free weights and some massage techniques to do daily and after the gym or doing gardening or any heavy lifting. It was very informative and made me feel better in knowing what to look for...like the warning signs for LE. Then I went to get my preventative light weight sleeve and gauntlet that I will wear at the gym, doing heavy lifting or flying. This was not a special order they carry the regular sleeves on the shelf and is covered by insurance...unless you are me and have a $5000 deductible and then it is applied to the deductible. The ladies were so nice and gave me the same price as what insurance would have paid which was literally half price. AND I got to order a fun color...so I got Raven's Purple!! I am as excited as I can be about needing to wear this but better safe than sorry.
Debbie you are nice to help out your son and I do not think it is unreasonable to ask for good grades in exchange. Your son wont starve he will just live on Raman noodles and mac N cheese. My parents did nothing for me including pay for college I moved out at 20 and survived on very little for very long time.
Lindsey 3Jays hope you both are feeling better today!
Anyhow so glad its Friday...this week has been a busy docs/dentist appts week and I go back in the office starting Monday ..booo but Charlie is so sick of looking at me.
Off to get my oil changed then ....making cupcakes for my friends Bday this weekend.
TGIF!!!!
Diane
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Deb, I love that "learn or earn!"We just had our scholarship dinner for work last night and the three winners were amazing. So focused and smart. The parents all said they've told their kids "education is the only way out of poverty-- don't make our mistakes." It was a moving evening. I am glad Max is in Brisbane, working hard in school, and knows you are there for him, even if it is Mac n Cheese! Probably his favorite anyway! :-)
Diane, ohhh my mentor wasn't putting me down, she was trying to say my perfectionism and striving would not change my circumstances, so I needed to stop all my crazy making stuff and just slow down, breathe, and be. She is awesome. I always think if I do one thing more then I will be satisfied or happy or loved-- nope because there is always one more thing after that. I hope that explains it better! Did your LE therapist actually massage or work on you in any way?
Kate, and we know about holding patterns! Never put it in this context, but something to remember!
DH and I are headed to San Diego for a weekend getaway. Need some relief and fun for his birthday. I booked a funky B&B-- a single casita behind the main house with pretty gardens. I am hoping we can just relax tomorrow before a comedy show.
Sending you all ((((((())))))))!0 -
Hi gals: although im typing carefully, with one hand, i'm bbbaaaacccckkk... this was a bear; not a particularly challenging surgery, for me; but WOW!! the pain is just letting up a bit.. down to 1/2 dose on the pain pills, but am ready for one, when im due..
Lindsye, since i can veer to the perfectionist side, at least, in make up, if not finished tasks, i UNDERSTOOD perfectly..
i use the "shoot for the moon, and you might hit the stars" mindset.. when i AM thinking lol
ive been really feeling "blue" lately.. i think all the mishigosh has finally caught up to me.. don't wanna get out of bed, most days.. but, i do, anyway...
HAVE to water the poor plants, at least, that are finally in pots at my own house.. we flew a covering over them for the summer yesterday, today le is BAD..
Binney suggested using a paint roller, for my back, truncal, le.. and it works great!!!got it down right away last night!!!try it, Kate.. good to "see" you ladies.. have to have the other hand done in 6 weeks or so, so don't think i've diedlol
im not looking forward to that one, its my dominant hand.. the price for beach days as a kid, and living in fla as an adult.. im thinking maybe this one won't be so deep, or as painful...
just glad to be back here...3jays
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3jaysmom: good to have you home and back. You are sure one strong woman! I wish I had a quarter of your drive for life and ability to pick yourself up and keep on going!
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3JaysMom ... so glad you're back but sorry you are in pain - I empathized as I am recovering from hip replacement. I envy you that you are going ahead with the other hand - I am NOT having surgery again. This was painful. If the other hip goes, I'll use duct tape to hold it together!
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3jays, good to "hear" from you! You're a trooper for sure!
Deb, I, too, love that "earn or learn"!!!!
Lindsey, I didn't post after what your mentor said because I thought it was a good comment and thought I heard you wrong. I read the posts that followed and figured I'd gotten the wrong end of the stick. Glad to know I took the comment as she meant it. I, too, am always striving to grow and learn. Doesn't mean "perfection", just new things to learn about and keep my mind active.
I'm having a scary "out of head" experience lately. Bad enough that when I got out of bed this morning I actually fell over onto my DH's side!! No vertigo or nausea, but just a "spacey" feeling.
I've been walking a lot. Now I have problems with that!! I get these golf-ball-sized bulges in my lower right calf and so much pain I can't even walk. Stopping doesn't really ease the pain either, only time and meds and massage seem to help. Dr. Google tends to be saying peripheral artery disease. Thank God I see a cardiologist on the 18th!!! I don't want to throw a clot and end up with a stroke or heart attack.
When will all this shit end?????????????????
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Barbe ... that sounds like peripheral artery disease. I had the "go through the groin and check out the lower legs" (I don't know what its called and the stupid doctor did nothing but take pictures. There are small clots in my legs. I went to another specialist who said pain from PAD would be in the calves (that's you!). He also told me I might not have to have anything done - just walk. Sounds like you tried that method. I think its a fairly easy fix but they do each leg separately so you have to go in twice. Best of luck. Hope its nothing too serious. BTW, the shit never ends - it just moves to a new place.
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Does anyone else dislike the new format on BCO? Why did they mess with a good thing? I hate change. (sigh)
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Kinda weird. It has it's good points --I like the nuetral color-- more eye pleasing. Guess it will take some getting used to.
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Me too!!
It took me ten minutes to see the LOG IN icon...
Today is not a good day for me. I had a really really really bad day at work and I am so stressing over money its not funny. I am deeply depressed today and feel very alone. I feel like I did chemo for everyone but me and its sunk me in so much debt and cleaned out my savings. Ijust dont know how to get myself out of this dark hole. Emotionally and financially I am done.
I have to go to dinner with my nephew tonight ...another thing I dont feel like doing but will do. I look a mess ..been crying all day.
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Diane I am so sorry you are having such a bad day. It seems like it hits and it is so hard to get out of the darkness. Let the tears fall freely. Let them cleanse your spirit. When you can't cry anymore then close your eyes and see the beautiful woman you are. See the strength you have displayed to get to the point you are now. See the journey as difficult but one that you will take because you are so wonderful. Then take one tiny step forward.
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Diane, so,so sorry that you are feeling down. It sucks that money can control us that way. Health care should not be someone's financial downfall. Are you on some kind of payment plan? Wish I had an answer. . . Meanwhile, enjoy yourself tonight. Let your mind run away for a few hours and just relax with your nephew's company. (((((((hugs)))))))
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Di- I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I know they sometimes hit us out of the blue or are triggered by some small thing and we fall back into the rabbit hole. You've had to deal with so much these past couple years and you did it all on your own. And it's so not fair that you're having to pay for it financially now. I don't think most people have any idea what a long, expensive and exhausting process this is. Just know you're NOT alone. I'm here for you even if I am thousands of miles away. I hope tomorrow is a better day. (((hugs)))
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hi ladies.. WOW!! im with kate, this really feels weird, since they changed the format.. i have tons blank on the left side of the screen, you too??
Di, I'm so sorry today your doing down.. i know going out to dinner helps me, just getting out, making small talk while we eat.. i hope your dinner goes well with your nephew........
Kmccraw: my hand isn't ANYTHING compared to your surgery.. i hope your'e not in so much pain now? doing rehab yet?....3jays
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Diane, it's very tough, I know! My DH and I had $68 since last week to last us until Thursday. We're almost there!!! My sister, strangely enough, once likened life to games like Monopoly, Amazing Race, Survivor, etc. You just have to look for clues, pray for redemption and don't land on "Go to Jail"!!! Not to deny you your stress, it's certainly valid, but thinking this way has really helped me. I don't take life's issues as hard as I used to. There's another trick; 10/10/10. How would your situation matter in 10 minutes? 10 months? or 10 years? That kind of puts it all into perspective. So I'm short cash right now and have bills to pay. So what!! So does everyone else. And some people even have the money to pay for them!! Some day I will again, too. It's just a cycle....
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Di - (((((((((((HUGS )))))))))))). Go to dinner. Enjoy. You can always worry about bills later. Between the time that I had catastrophic insurance Iwith a $10,000 deductible, and when I got decent medicare care I racked up over $10,000 in debt. I figure when I get it, they get it. Don't worry ... Barbe's right about 10/10/10 rule. Just take care of you.
3Jays ... I am healing just fine. Had you asked me a few weeks ago I would be singing a different tune. I think I may have overdone it at physical therapy yesterday as this morning my body was screaming bloody murder! No pain, no gain!
Kate ... I HATE change too! And all the avatars look squashed!
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Our avatars are squished? Crap!! I thought I'd lost weight.....hehehehehe
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I read a book, a good saying about depression that stuck with me...."Depression is anger turned inward" It made sense to me......gotta laugh once a day about something!
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Diane, You have brightened my spirits many times. I hope you know how wonderful you are. I am sorry you are going through a dark time now. It just is not fair for getting sick to be so expensive. Sending hugs to you.
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Oh Diane - I'm so so sorry! That is awful and I know how very scary and overwhelming it feels especially when finances hit with the dark emotions. Hang in there it will get better. I know you don't feel like going out to dinner but actually will be better than being by yourself - at least it will take your mind off everything and then hopefully things will look better in the morning as they say. But one step at a time and just take it slowly. Surely someone can help you sort out all the insurance stuff - your shouldn't be hit with all that. ((Hugs))
OK, questions for all of you: Going for my two year check up with BS on Thursday. For my one year I only got to see the PA but am supposed to see the Doc this time. I want to ask him whether I should be having any other checks for these crazy implants. I know some people get MRI's to check for small ruptures or other hidden stuff. I don't think he does that. Are there other reason's woman are told to have them? Also anything else I should ask about? What is the thing about being Estrogen/progestrone positive - isn't there something where there is more worry after 5 years? Or am I thinking of something else? Anyway, any thoughts? Thanks.
No, I agree the new format is odd - why is there so much blank space. I also think it is hard to read favorite threads to see if there are new posts....
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No, no, no, I DON'T LIKE THE NEW FORMAT - MAKES ME FEEL DIZZY TO LOOK AT IT AND IT'S NOT EASY TO READ AND ALL THE BLANK AREA ON THE LEFT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE SCREEN - are you reading this moderators?
Diane- Today is a dark depressing gloomy bad day for you. I do like what Barbe said about Monopoly and 10/10/10. All I know is you are business savy, so I am sure you can sit down and logically plan out how to pay each of these financial burdens a bite a month to keep them happy. I know you work your butt off and don't lead an extravagant lifestyle or take vacations. Breast Cancer is expensive. My husband got so depressed when the bills started pouring in he wouldn't even open the envelopes. My son couldn't go away for his first year at university because we didn't have the extra $$ and no vacations. Still, the paint is peeling off the walls in my dining room and our carpet at 15 years old is so worn it has holes in it and I have given up caring. Our health and mental well being is enough. My oncologist charged me $150 for my 5 minute visit last September and just said stay on the Femara and your GP can write the scripts. My insurance paid $60. My husband said that 5 minutes was $30 a minute. Way too much for what I got.
Diane - have a good cry, go for a run with Charlie, cuddle your kittie, have a sleep and know we are here. And most of all listen to Barbe!
PS: and if one more person tells me how lucky I am that I got a boob job I am going to tell them what I got was two blobs of silicone with no feeling - I call them my bumps - they aren't really breasts any more to me!
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If you don't like the new format go to "New Format on BCO is a DISASTER" and tell the Mods what you think. Maybe if enough people respond they'll go back to the old way. This one is killing my eyes!!!!!
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If you ahve not seen the you tube video giraffe in quicksand....google it! and be prepared to laugh..beats the hell out of lexapro
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Chemo forced retirement on me..and we live on one tenth of what we used to, we got used to it...sold the house, downsized tobuy another in a small village instead of a city. Yeh, there are itmes when it could be better, but it works out somehow. I have a wonderful husband who literally fed me a soft boiled egg today cause I have a broken wrist, now splinted and broken ribs..we think...it is either a break or new ugliness..lets hope for a break!
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Okay ... they're not squashed anymore!
Barbe ... they were squashed in the other direction ... how that they're right, it does look like you lost weight!
Di ... Hope you are feeling a little better today. I hate going into those dark moods. They are so isolating. Know that we are always here for you.
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Stanzie are you on an AI? If you are on Tamoxifen ask about the plan to move to an AI. Also you should be having MRIs every three to five years to check the integrity of the implant. That is the only way to know if there was a rupture. I believe the literature would support that. Good luck! I can't believe you saw the PA for your one year instead of the doc. I would want those checks always by the physician!
Diane hope it is a brighter day for you.
Justagirl, I know the stupid remarks are enought o make you want to scream!!! They are so ignorant and insenstive. I hate them. In fact one woman who I considered a good friend said one too many and she is no longer a part of my life. One of the sad things about this disease. But you learn to get rid of the toxic people in your life.
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Stanzie- I also saw my BS's PA for my one year visit and wasn't too happy about it. All the PA did was a breast exam and send me on my way. (Gee, glad I drove 4 hours round trip to be felt up!) I think they're not as concerned with us DCIS girls. At my 2 year visit (which I did get to see the doc) she said there is now only a 3 year follow up for DCIS so she only needs to see me one more time. I wanted to ask her if DCIS isn't a big deal why did you recommend a MX in the first place? Not sure about the implant question. I'd be curious about that myself as no one has ever addressed it. Good luck with your appointment.
OK, I still hate the new format but I guess I'm getting used to it. So much about it isn't right, though, if you're trying to scroll through new threads to see who needs help. And I still don't think the screen color is right because I keep getting a headache after I've been on it for more than 10 minutes.
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