Great saying about depression
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Stanzie you are too special to be treated like that!
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Hi everyone! Back from a wonderful weekend. Two nights of dancing with no broken bones or twisted ankles in sight so hoping the curse is broken! Our get away at the local resort/casino was so much fun. The rooms are absolutely gorgeous. Met our friends in the martini bar early in the evening on Saturday and listened to a Sinatra crooner. Then it was up to the restaurant on the top floor for dinner. There are windows on 3 sides which made for a spectacular view when the giant dust storm blew in across the desert. Then after dinner we went to 2 different bars, with different bands, for drinks and dancing until almost 2:00 a.m. Today I'm recovering!
Stanzie- Sorry about your ex-BF (empathasis on EX). I have been with people like that before. My Mom calls them crazy makers because that's what they do to you. Sorry to say but these kinds of people will never change. I honestly believe they have personality disorders. They only seem happy when they are subtly, and not so subtly, putting everyone around them down and they truly believe they are superior to everyone. They don't think rules and laws apply to them and will never take responsiblity for anything or accept blame for their mistakes. You deserve someone who is 180 degrees from that. As horrible as your night with him was maybe it was a good thing because you could see once and for all what kind of person he is. If he would honestly let you accuse your own child of something rather than admit it himself he has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
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...new here...posted once before but got behind in the posts. No more broken bones! LOL I am one to talk.....was loading the dishwasher last week and didn't realize the floor was wet in one place (tile floor). Well, I had flip flops on so you can guess what happened. Thankfully, I fell back and caught myself with my good arm. Did not get hurt but is scary.
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Belinda glad to see you post..and that you didn't hurt yourself!!
Delilah i hope things continue to go smoothly with wc. Are you out for 6a weeks! ? Yikes ..i hope you're healing nicely and not in too much pain.
Barbe..how are you feeling? Hows the ticker? Has the discomfort of theyou pacemaker passed
Kate so glad you had a much needed fun filled weekend. You and your dh deserved it!! Sounds so fun.
Stanzie...you poor thing. Ditto what everyone said..you are too special and sweet to let someone treat you badly. Its always hard to let go and so easy to fall back into an old relationship even if it's not good for us. Moving forward is scary even more so after all we've been through. But you can do it and we're all here for you. We will both find the man of our dreams in time.
Lean on us whenever you need.
Hugs to all...ugh its Monday
Diane0 -
I'm feeling better, getting there thanks. The bruise is sinking down my chest. Easy to see what gravity does.
Stanzie, do NOT email him back. That is an invitation for a "conversation". You do NOT want a conversation with this human as somehow he will make you feel like shit. And then another sleepless night. It will go on forever if you don't stop cold turkey. Seriously. These kind of guys are fine as long as you jump through their hoops, so you're not crazy to have had a good relationship with him. But when you needed him or were not on your game, he falls apart and makes your life hell. Is that what you want?
Just tell me what number of day I start with tomorrow. But, I do suggest cold turkey. It will blow his mind that you didn't try to get the last word in. You never will, so why bother trying?
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Actually that is what I did last Feb and it worked for quite a while. You know I honestly think it is more about that I'm the first female who dumped him rather than the other way around. He was married 3 times and cheated on all of them and on his other long term girlfriend.... so... Also he is worried he may lose his job as they seem to be trying to economise and letting the "older" ones go so I know he is worried about that as well...
Barb- your tough no holes bared stance is just what I need. I'm voting right now to not answer.... so ... so far staying strong... know the next step is he will get angry and start the ugly emails but I do have a delete button.... Ugh... Hate this!!! Also supposed to go to a concert on the 8th where he will be but will be with my kids and another friend and hopefully can avoid him.... Thank Again!!!!
Barb--- so sorry the whole "outpatient operation" was so massively painful.... Can't imagine...
Kate - Glad you had a wonderful time....
Diane- So wish we lived closer...
Belinda- glad you were able to catch yourself. If not these amazing wonderful women will!!!
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Stanzie,
Don't just use the delete button on your email program but place him on your 'block sender' list and his emails won't even come into your 'in' box.
Also block him in your life - and from what you just wrote about him, you feel empathy toward him as he is afraid he might lose his job. I already know you are a kind and caring woman but he does not deserve a second of emotion from you!
I know I shouldn't talk as I have a DH, but isn't it better to not have a man in your life who makes you unhappy and does not take your feelings or physical well-being into consideration than to be just you? I realize the wanting to have a life partner, but not one that lies, blames things on your children, is snoopy as to who has been in your life for the past months while he was off doing heaven knows what. And if not for yourself, you owe that to your children. A happy Mum makes for happier children. Take joy in your children, your close friends, enjoy your home, and don't think about this man. It's not worth your time or energy - both of which are precious. Ithink your health and energy are sometimes not 100% and he sure doesn't seem to consider that nor how much effort you put into pleasing him.
Barbe -are you home yet?
Kate - It's wonderful to hear you had such a lovely time this past weekend.
Diane, have you recovered from your fall? How is Charlie?
Belinda - there is nothing worse than falling on a tile floor. I think all of us need to be just a little more careful to protect ourselves from injury.
I had a wonderful weekend with my son Max. Two days and no arguments or depressive attitude with his Dad or me. We (Max and I) have even planned to go to Kauai for three weeks the end of Nov when he finishes this year of uni. A treat for both of us. Jerry (DH) will stay home and take care of my baby (dog - Jaki), plus he hates to fly. It will take us almost 24 hours to go from our house to my girlfriend's place on Kauai. I so enjoy showing Max where I spent 12 years of my life, and where Jerry and I got married.
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Debbie, what a WONDERUL carrot to have the trip ahead of you!!! What a treat for you both!! He will remember that trip for different reasons than you, special. I have not gone anywhere! As Stanzie said, it was an "out patient" procedure! I do prefer my own bathroom, thank you very much, but would have preferred IV meds as they are faster...sigh. Being my own pharmacologist is demanding...do I go for Codeine or Morphine this time....???
Kate, your weekend sounds perfect! I haven't had one of those for a while, but would need naps in between the excitement...sigh.
Stanzie, I like the idea to BLOCK his emails. Why read his drivel? Sick curiosity??????? So....is this
3 Days ? (or, you tell me. it's contact that you have had with him, reading his email doesn't count right now, but may in the near future - I'm cutting you some slack from my tough love act)
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Belinda- Welcome back and glad you weren't hurt by your slip.
Stanzie- Block his email, delete his address so you're not tempted to write him some lonely late night and delete his phone numbers for the same reason. Maybe we should all fly in and have a boyfriend exorcism with you?
Then we'll take you trolling at the local bars and be your wingwomen! barbe- Somehow I go on pure adrenaline for events and then collapse afterwards. Yesterday was definitely a recovery day.
Debbie- Your trip with Max sounds wonderful. My husband has taken a lot of father/son trips with our son but I've never really taken him anywhere just the two of us. Your plane ride sounds brutal but it will give you lots of quality time together unless he never takes his earbuds out that is!
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Hello my amazing friends.... so one of my friends from down the street came over and I went out to the pool and took a good look at the broken stone and I think I know what happened.... He did break it but having had a bunch to drink he actually may not have realized it. He was a big man when I met him and over our time together he got bigger(as did I) but since the time we broke up he has really gotten huge. So since there were teeny tiny pieces still intact but broken I think he stepped on it just right or just wrong and it broke underneath him - he may not have even noticed... So... I do know him, if I just block emails and do nothing he will come to my house and it will be awful especially with my kids around- awful not dangerous. So I decieded from the last email I need to make it clear that I'm done and he will stop. In re-reading the email I think he also realizes it just does not work. So... Barb put me back and August 1st will be a brand new start! Hey easier to count as well.....
Debbie- I'm so glad you had such a wonderful visit! I love that you are going to take him back to where you grew up just the two of you- What a wonderful and special trip! I had hoped to take my kids back up to N.J. where my grandparents had this fabulous tree farm on a river- it was such a magical place where he had a little boat and two manmade islands that my dad and brothers made. I remember when we were little going to visit and he told these fantastic stories so when we arrived he had this great hay ride set up on the back of his tractor and told us he was going to take us to his children's garden. So we drove through the gorgeous trees with him telling us all about the trees and wildlife(we were very much city kids) so finally he stops and there before us was gumdrop grass, candy cane trees, licorice shrubs, ribbon candy flowers... it was so fabulous and it took us a while before we understood candy didn't grow! Well, just heard from my cousin the house it to be torn down. It was to have been protected from the historical society as it was an old farm house from the mid 1800's and it was sold to the Audobon Society to be a bird sancturary. Not sure what happened but it is falling apart and everything is overgrown and just terribly sad... All of my other childhood homes have been torn down so I don't have anything to show my kids, not even pictures, so Debbie what a wonderful gift to share with your son!
Barb- morphine or codine? Yipes! Can you take those and be home alone? I'm thinking you have probably been doing this for a long time and probably have a tolerance... I hate you live with such pain- yes I know you just had a procedure but still know what you go through.....
I will try and block email after this last note. I guess I feel like I need to take the high road and not be a coward and say what needs to be said to end it properly and with respect at least on my end. I guess I would want that much rather than a total no response..... I know.... not as strong but am really trying! I think more than anything even before the fight that I just didn't enjoy talking with him as he talks about things I just honest don't care about when there is so much out there to talk about it is just boring and he doesn't have the social skills or manners and I really don't want that, it is uncomfortable and it doesn't work with friends and family.... Ok, sorry so long!
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Stanzie dont ever worry about your post...post away...get it all out. That's what we are here for. I wish we lived closer too but now that I have a new car maybe a drive to Atlanta is in my future. I have lots of friends there I have been wanting to visit but during the TE phase I didnt want to go through Airport security..during chemo and wig wearing phase...didnt want to go through airport security...and now just havent been able to afford the time away from work. I am thinking in the Fall plus if I drive I can bring Charlie. I couldnt bare the thought of him in a crate drugged up on the plane and not sure mamas ready to leave him for a long period of time at doggie daycare. I know its hard with all these modern ways to communicate but a clean break heals fastest. It will take time but you will feel better and stronger with each passing day.
Debbie I was just walking Charlie and this truck drove by with a dog that looked Just like Jaki...in my head Jaki is the second dog Charlie will make friends with..the first and only friend he has is this old bassett hound at the park..cant be less threatning than him. Glad you had a good weekend with your son. Its nice that he still likes to hang out with you. My nephew is 25 and has just come back to me...my little buddy for so long once he hit 16 - 22 he was sort of too cool for his old aunt. But now I think he actually Likes me!!
Barbe glad you are feeling better.You should try some Arnica Montanna for bruising I swear by it. I took it before and after every surgery and never had one single bruise. My PS gives it to all his patients. i even took it during my sinus surgery and everyone was amazed I didnt have two black eyes. It helps with any inflammation as well. Here you can buy it at Wholefoods or CVS drug store and online.
My scrapes and bruises are healing just fine..I think I may have a little bursitis in the elbow during the fall but with ibuprofen that should subside soon. Here's my I am an idiot move of the week. Ok so I think I told you all for the last year and a half I have been treating this GD plantars wart on the bottom of my foot. I literally for a year and a half went to the podiatrist every week to have it scraped and frozen with chemicals. Nothing..in fact it was getting bigger and bigger. I still owe the doc $568 for my visits (forget about the $50 co-pay per visit) but he is a friend so he hasnt hassled me for it. That is another reason I didnt want to seek out another podatrist. Anyhow, I decided to be my own podiatrist Sunday...and dug the hell out of the wart then put the Dr Scholls wart remover chemical on it ...can you say YYYEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!!!
It hurts so f*&^ing bad I cant even tell you. It literally is throbbing in pain. Yesterday I only made it at the office for about 5 hours then I came home and popped a demerol and put ice on it. Today it is still absolutely killing me...to the point I can't even wear a flip flop. I am walking around with my shoe off my left foot and walking on my tippy toes. i cant take any meds as I have a conference call at 2. UGH! Now I am afraid i did more harm than good. I think I need to suck it up and seek the help of a new podiatrist. I love my friend and I have known him forever but his office is so aniquated that I dont think he has the proper equipment to treat this mother of all Plantar warts...(chemo the gift that keeps giving) Anyhow, that is my pain for the day...hope you all are well!! Back to work for me....
Diane
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Oh Diane- that sounds just horribly painful! Oh how awful, but gosh I would have done the same thing.... yes you need to find someone new quickly.... Now speaking of driving to Atlanta- I have a garage apt and Charlie would be welcome especially as Alfie LOVES other dogs, all dogs even stuffed animal dogs.... so if you want to think about it... I'm pretty centrally located so you could probably easily see all your friends. Gosh feel better!
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Stanzie as hard as it is when you are totally free of him I bet you will feel lighter and peaceful and ready to move forward. With him hangin on he is always there even if just in the peripherary. (sp?)
Diane be careful of infection in that foot!!! Please go somewhere for another opinion.
Guys I started on Aromasin. I feel so sad and no joy. I think sometimes it would be better just to check out. I can't seem to find the old me from before this all started. I am not even talking about the physical but the person who use to laugh easily, had so much joy and enthusiasm ...... I don't think I will ever find her again. I don't even know me anymore.
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Oh dear (notso)hopeful!! That feels so much like me at times and then all of a sudden I'll get this little rush (other's might call it a hot flash) and think "life IS good". I have no idea what the point of it all is, but at times, eating an icecream cone and watching a decorating show on TV I do get that rush....of course, it COULD be the morphine...but seriously, whether good OR bad, it DOES change. Good times end, and so do bad ones.
Stanzie, if you have sex with him I will be SO over you!!!
Diane, put down the power tools and go see a doctor! Even one at a walk-in clinic!!! Now you know why your buddy wasn't bugging you for the money...he wasn't doin anything for you!!!!!
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Oh Hopeful!!!! ((HUGS))!! This is not good! Do you have to take it, I mean is the % of its help really worth it. You need to talk to your Doc, you can't feel like this... Talk to you sweet husband about this, please!! I'm really worried about you... This is so NOT you.
Barb- no fears on that! We haven't had a physical relationship since my surgery 21/2 years ago! Anyway now I think I'd be squished... oh don't want to even think about that one.... ICK! So totally safe on that.... Also I honestly think it is done... and he knows it as well... Whew Already feeling lighter oh wait that might be the pound of puppy hair I've just gotten from one room!!! The human birth mom said he would blow out his puppy fur but good heavens - I'll need a new vacuume cleaner ever 6 mos if it continues like this. PffffrrrFF
Barb- so sorry you have such times but then I guess we wouldn't be on this thread now would we... but some are more extreme so both you take care!!! OK, I'm going in the background on my issues which hopefully are done and let's go with the three of you right now. You can still post those lovely numbers starting tomorrow though
Diane- I think we all need to hear you have been to the doctor- turn off the Olympics! Get in your new car!
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Oh Hopeful it breaks my heart that you are so down. You know those damn AI's cause such hormone flux and mood swings. You should talk to your doc about how you are feeling he may be able to counter act the effects with Effexor or something else. I have good days and bad but really once you get passed surgeries and are happy with your results of recon you will really move forward. Dont ever give up...things will get better. Think about what is making you the most down..if its your recon results..start finding new docs to give you hope on better results. Some people thought I was crazy for all the tweaking..and one doc even said my results were "acceptable" ..I dont want them Acceptable I want them to be PERFECT. I know they will never be like they were but you cant tell me someone cant give you better results. I was over the moon finally on my last (4th) surgery. I am telling you I love love love my PS...you are always welcome to come here and consult with him and stay with me. I sometimes feel down because my energy level is blaaaaahhhhh. I used to be like the energizer bunny and now I could sleep all day. I plan on discussing with my Onc to see what we can do about that..and if he tells me to exercise I am going to kick him...and I mean it! I feel like I need a little pep in my step.
Stanzie I will definitely keep you in mind whenever I plan my trip to Atl. I just have to make sure Charlie wont eat Alfie. He is very weird about other dogs but mostly he is afraid of other dogs. It takes him a while to calm down and relax around another dog. Dont worry I would never let him eat ALfie.
I cant go to the doctors right now...I have no money. I am waiting on a very large check that I have been waiting on since June. Until it comes in I am barely making my bills. My foot isnt infected I used on of those over the counter dots you put on your foot and it burns like hell. I think it is a good sign that it hurt so bad meaning it got good and deep in there. My beloved PS has offered to cut it out and skin graft it which I may do when I have fat grafting done BUT I cant do anything until I get paid from my clients. Mama is BROKE. Also, to get the pw cut out will require me to be on crutches for 8 weeks and I just cant do it now. Maybe in the fall when I have no work to worry about. Thanks for all your concern...I will be ok.
Love and HUGS to everyone....
Go USA (Ps I am listening not watching while I work from home)
Diane
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I had a plantar wart out and all the doc did was freeze it one week, I went back, he cut around it with nail scissors and popped the huge hanging thing out! I almost puked if I wasn't in such pain. I was just a kid and got it at a day camp. Yep, I stood barefoot in the changing room!!! I never got crutches. That would have been cool at 13. Not so cool now.... Mind you, mine was on the ball of my foot and not the heel. I wonder if it goes deeper into the heel??? Doesn't it make you wonder if your doc friend was really even treating you if you never felt the 'burn' before? Sheesh!!
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Oh My Gosh I don't think I have ever heard of such a thing as a PW! Gosh Barb I would have passed out for sure!Do I dare ask how one gets these things?
Diane - great advice for Hopeful! Ok.... Hey btw... does your PS take Blue Cross - just wondering? Someday I'm going for a revision as I'm so tried of the pain. I now thing the muscle on one side is twisted under which is why it is so painful and odd... but what do I know it is just by body..... sigh...
Hang in there Hopeful!!! Remember you chose your screen name for a good reason!
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will need surgery for wrist. hopefully scheduled for friday or monday. they want a medical clearance for anesthesia because of my age 66. plan on a pocket party. i need lots healing thoughts and hugs.
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PT so sorry you too require surgery for your wrist. I'll be in your pocket cheering you on!! Sending positive vibes your way for a smooooooth surgery and speedy recovery!!
BTW you always have to get cleared for surgery with a pre-op exam...One thing I hated was always trying to squeeze in a pre-op exam before my revisions as many of them were last minute. The only thing that carries from prior one is an EKG (I think they are good for 6 months) You just have to do blood work and that breathing in a tube test. Good luck!
Diane
BTW theses girls jump around that balance beam like its ten feet wide...yikes!
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PT- oh so sorry...I remember when my Mom broke her wrist - she did fine with the surgery but you have to really do those exercises afterwards that means a lot. Actually my MIL broke her wrist shortly after then my sister.... They must be awfully easy to hurt. We are here for you! Let us know when the surgery is!
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Wow,I miss a day. . .
Hopeful---i don't remember, are you on any anti-d's? I know where you are coming from, I've had my time sitting on the shower floor just watching the water fall. . . took my doc a couple of times of upping my doses to get me out of that. I just switched AD's this week and I am hoping that it keeps me on an even keel and doesn't send me down that rabbit hole. Hopeful(and I love your name too--believe it!!) we're here for a lifeline when ever you need. Your words are always so inspirational--I only wish i could sound as eloquent as you. You always know the right thing to say, please know that I greatly admire that in you. : )
ptd-will be there with bells on for the PP.We'll try not to be too loud! So sorry you have to go thru surgery. ick. My mom broke her wrist too, and what I remember was all the rehab she had to do. But that was years ago, and she says its still as good as new!
Welcome back Belinda! Come back sooner than last time!
Stanzie--countdown starts tomorrow, right? All I can think of is the song Nellie Forbush sings in South Pacific, "i'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair!" We won't let you go backwards in this, forward ho!
Debbie-so glad you had a great time with your son, mine goes back in 3 weeks, not sure how I feel about that. Guess we're not as close as y'all are. : ( And I am super jealous of your trip you have planned. If I tried to take my boys to any place about my childhood, they would, well let's just say, I would be talking to myself a lot.
Kate, love, love hearing about your weekend. Sooo glad you were able to kick up those heels! I miss dancing with my DH, we used to really embarass ourselves on the dancefloor(Dirty Dancing came out the summer we started dating!)
Diane-- I've had warts on my hands, feet, knees, blah, blah blah, my whole life. i have tried every over the counter with varying success. I had a bunch on 2 of my fingers and it must have taken well over 6 months of freezing to get those bastards to go away. But coming from someone who has an open infected incision going on now for WEEKS, please at least keep it clean, use antibiotics on it. Please, please, please Charlie needs his buddy to walk him!
Barbe, I know you are hanging in there, you are WONDER WOMAN!!
So my DH was suppose to leave Monday, then it becomes Wednesday and today it became next Monday he goes for 5 days. I'm so confused, my head is spinning. And Barbe, you have me confused with someone else. Beginning to think that i may forget how. . .
Hope everyone has a beautiful day tomorrow!! oops I mean today.
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LOL!! lots of shower references... I agree- I admire Hopeful's way of knowing just what to say - we need her back to feeling Hopeful!
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Ladies, you touch my heart in ways you will never know! Thank you all for such encouraging words and support. My best friend of over 37 years was here this past weekend. She also has BC. She gave me a small decorative tray with the word Hope on it. She said it was so "me". I guess I am maintaining the honesty of the journey by sharing the depths of despair and sadness we all feel at times. That sometimes seems to come out of nowhere and is so hard to understand when you so desparately want to move forward.
So I will do what I know has to be done. I will continue to start my day in thanksgiving to my concept of my higher power. (being politically correct
) I will look outside and find something to smile about. There are the birds at the bird feeder or the flowers struggling to survive this drought who continue to hold on and take the water we give and use it. Maybe that is what we do. We hold on and take the love and support we have from whomever or whatever and nurture it and use it to it's full potential. And then in time again, we become strong and forward thinking and able to feel joy. I will take the baby steps no matter how small to get to where I was a month ago. I will learn to accept the feeling of this medication and be grateful that I can take it as others do not have the opportunity to have AI's as part of their treatment plan. I will cherish my hero husband and his unending and unconditional love and realize how blessed I am in that. (Stanzie this is what I wish for you, to find someone that will love and nurture you as you deserve)
Ladies you have each reached out and given me an example of what sincere caring and strength and compassion you all have and what binds us in this journey. Thank you
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hopeful, you said it all in the word 'joy'. I once heard that when you lose that, you lose the reason for living. I often wonder what my 'joy' is in life. I no longer work, so I don't get the satisfaction out of a good day's work done, or a huge commission or hugs from a customer. I miss the social interaction of people and wonder if I've replaced 'real' people with those of you here on bco. I wonder if that's hurt me in any way? I don't think so, but just a thought. I do know I need to reach out more into my community and make friends and do things, but I never know whether I'll feel good enough that day. I don't make plans. I don't see my kids much at all, and as a result, my grandkids! I had visions of them coming up and visiting NaNa and getting an icepop and blowing bubbles and sitting in their own garden chairs (got 3 piled up collecting dust...sigh). Instead, my kids have busy, active lives and I'm happy for them, but sad for me.
I don't have any trips lined up ($$$ NOT!!) and DH needs to work so we have the money for bills, so that's out. So much is missing from my life....and I do get into a pity party at times. Then, every once in a while, I get that rush of "it's okay" and "this is enough". Enough. I have enough. Food. Shelter. Entertainment. Enough.
Now, I'm just glad for enough.
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Hopeful- It may not be joy but I hope you find solace in the fact that as you "maintain the honesty of the journey" you are helping so many others. I've been particularly hard on myself, lately, thinking I should be back to the land of the living by now. And wondering where that kumbaya spirit was that everyone else seemed to be experiencing after BC? I'm not even sure how much my depression has to do with the BC alone or is some giant package of gloom from my recon issues, LE, chronic pain, no job, my DH's PD.....well, I could go on and on with the inventory I've created in my head at times. But your words today have inspired me to try to let go of the guilt I have been feeling, for my feelings, because they are what they are and I can see we all have them from time to time. I also like what you said about starting your day in thanksgiving (especially the pc part) and might have to adopt that as a mantra to kick start some kind of positivity in my life.
barbe- I wonder what my joy is as well. I think there are two kinds. The kind you find outside yourself with activities and events. As someone with chronic pain I know the struggle to schedule these kinds of things. I find, though, that if I just force myself to go (unless it's a really bad day) the joy of the experience sometimes numbs the pain. Yeah, I pay for it later usually but it's almost always worth it as I feel connected to the outside world once again. I think the other kind of joy comes within, though, and that is what I struggle with the most. I almost think the anti-D's are a double edged sword for me. They allow me to cope and focus but things get numbed down to a degree. I struggle to find emotion, good or bad, and creativity is a bust. Without it I feel no joy is possible. I know that you, too, are very creative so wonder if you've struggled with this SE of the anti-D's as well?
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Barbe and Kate, you both have so many obstacles in your everyday life to deal with. I think the fact that you both keep searching and stretching is wonderful. Kate you are right. There are times I just want to isolate and I force myself to go because I say "it is not about me" depending on the activity. And I would say almost 95% or more of the time I am glad I did. I guess the wisdom part of the equation is knowing when you really can't go.
Barbe I also think maybe as you have pointed out our definitions joy, life, needs etc. change as our life experiences change and shape us.
This process is as we have all said filled with twists and turns and unexpected events. I keep thinking about my friend Kathy lately. She passed away from BC last October. I said then I will live my life with this disease the best I can with honesty and effort to honor her. And I will.
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pt - soooo sorry you have to have wrist surgery. I truly think that a broken wrist is worse than my broken elbow. At least I am getting the use of my fingers and wrist back after my surgery. Will be in your pocket thinking of you. I see doc tomorrow about my elbow for my post surgery follow-up and hope to get some of the 16 staples out. Nurse said they will take out everyother one.
More news I didn't need, my Mother just called to tell me she was assulted at, of all places, a funeral home, this morning. She is 86 and a bit on the frail side, but fiesty. A young man came up to her and demanded her jewlery and proceeded to yank her two necklaces off of her. One of the necklaces was a chain that my Dad had worn and after his death she has worn it almost continually so more sentimental than value. Because I have a degree in Crime Scene Technology, I think she is aware of what to do and she remained calm enough to get the license plate no. from his get away car and repeated it to herself all the way into the funeral home and they called the police. Police were able to apprehend the perp and took my Mother on a drive by and she id'd him. Of course he says he "was at work" but the car was a rental and the plates matched so don't know if he had an accomplice who he handed the jewlery off to before police caught him or not, but at least he was caught and my Mother was not hurt. He also didn't take her gold bracelets or rings and her purse she had previously locked in her trunk before going to the funeral home as she did not want to carry it. Sorry for the use of this forum to vent my unfortunate happenings, but it adds to the depression I have been fighting on top of the elbow and work situation.
I am looking forward to going to 2 weddings in the next 3 weeks and getting out of town, but dealing with my DH and my Mother is not always a good thing. I get my feathers ruffled by each of them and then get into a full blown screaming match and ranting about stuff. Hope my AD will help me remain calmer than usual. Guess I best bring it up with counselor tomorrow. Can't even write in my journal which helps my sanity due to the broken elbow.
Hope everyone else is having a better day. Hugs all the way around.
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Holy cow! Thank God your Mom is okay and not knocked down or anything!! How stressful is all that for heavens' sake?????? She must feel very violated, but proud of herfeself.
Kate, funny you said 'guilt'. That's something that NO drug can get rid of!! Only we can. I feel guilty that I'm not working to help my DH out, but I truly feel disabled for the first time ever. At least I have the LTD that is more than he brings in. It's just that it's HALF of what I was making! That's a HUGE drop in income, but we are doing it. Thank goodness we don't have the need for dinners out, movies, etc. We only use gas to go to the doctors and we're down to one car. So guilt is minimal, but it's still there. I always feel like I have to show what I've done in the day. Some days, before he can say anything, I'll say "I did nothing at all today except nap". That was hard to say, but I've gotten used to it. How are you handling being 'cabin bound' with your DH??? Or does he go out?
I've JUST started a creative project and do find that it is helping to heal my soul. It always does....I'm lucky that I have both the time and the stocked craft room! It's like going shopping!! I go in there looking for something to put in a vase in another room and voila!! A sprig of twigs and leaves the exact colour I need! I don't even remember buying them! But my craft room is a compilation of my closed down quilt store and my years of hoarding beads and 'stuff'. I even keep cool Kleenex boxes!!!
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delilahbear so sorry for all your family is going through!!!! I remember when I worked in a hospital i another state many years ago and they brought in a woman in her 70s or 80s that had been beaten and raped. So hard to understand the cruelty in others isn't it!
Barbe why don't you try to sell your creations!!!!! I bet you could!!
pt hope your surgery is very successful and you can get back full use of your wrist!
Guilt will rob us of so many things. It will infuse all of our being and is such a negative thing that as women especially I think we take on. Barbe you need to be on LTD. You didn't ask to be disabled. I am glad you have your craft room. Maybe it is like being out and about more because it is full of colors and textures and waiting to be set into motion!
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