Great saying about depression
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Oh I missed the Foctober!!! Love that!!
Kate - thinking about you and (Hugs)!!
Barb - with three teenagers and I'm in menopause - hormones are everywhere!! They are at the stage where they know everything I know nothing.... My daughter is the worst! My son's fight and it is over - not so with daughter.... she is also in such a Rude stage! We went to an outdoor symphony concert with some of my friends and her niece. She accidently knocked over a small glass of wine which spilled on my daughter and she was so horrified and kept apologizing over and over and she just sat there and slowly and I mean slowly wiped off the liquid- I'd say it was probably 5 min. before she told me friend "it's ok" It was horrible....
Kate we will look for your post after you see the Doc! Oh wait you will have to have tests.... Ugh- the waiting game which is the worst!!! Hang in there!
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Stanzie - great to have you back! Damn computers!! I completely understand about the teenager fun-a-tics. I have 3 sons, 18, 16 and 10 - the only one who still think I know anything is our 10 year old. However I have to admit they are much easier on my DH & I than I was at their age w/my parents.
Kate - so sorry to hear you're back in the waiting game ... we're all here wishing you positive thoughts & results. Big big <hugs>.
I'm counting down the days until my physch oncology appt on Monday ... I have to admit, talking to everyone on this board along with forcing myself to run has already started to help. My biggest concern is I just don't know who I am or will be anymore. In time...
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Lookin good Barbe!
Kate I hope the tests will be scheduled soon and results will be quick. You go to the dark place because you have lived the darkness with this disease once already. So go there acknowledge the fear and anxiety then take a deep breath and realize that at this point you have no control over what it is. You have control over you and the fact you can acknowledge your emotions and breathe deeply. You are being held up with the thoughts of those who really sincerely care about you. All of us here. Hold on to the fact that your doc doesn't think it probaby has to do with BC.
Do you know when the tests are scheduled?
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Kate, Hope the tests are scheduled soon. Sending good wishes your way.
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Stanzie, my kids are a "bit" older than yours. My son is 31 and my daughter "the bitch" is 29. She was WONDERFUL growing up (as was my son) so I guess this was long over due....sigh. My mom used to say, in a bitchy tone "I hope you get the kids you deserve!" and I always thought I was pretty lucky. My therapist today told me that I will never have the relationship with her that I want (friendly, see her a lot, etc) so I have to come to terms with that. Great!!! Another "loss" to grieve...sigh.
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Barb- I keep hoping she will get better and actually want a relationship, but nothing I do is ever good enough. I do worry about her as she is never really satisfied or happy with what she has or who she is with.... she is setting herself up for disappointment but she won't listen to me, of course. I keep trying - I figure at this point it is about all I can do. At some point, I may have to tell her she can go live with her Dad and see if that opens her eyes.... If it comes to that, I'm thinking it won't take too long for her to realize what the "real"differences are....
I'm sorry your Mom would say that to you.... interesting she was wonderful growing up... so far wonderful hasn't happened yet. From day one she has been plagued with tremendous jealously over her brothers.... she never understood being the only girl she had it made and still does if she wanted it. I'm sorry Barb, I know that your relationsip with your daughter has been quite hurtful....
Kate- wondering how you are doing? How was the test? Do they have any clue?
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hi gals, just trying to get into the "swing" of things agsin.. ive been seriously ill for almost a month now, and i'll tell you, even 2yrs ned; im depressed as hell again. i got anaphylactic shock not once, but three times this month from meds drs rxed!!
in the er 3 times, and in on ivs twice.. its been a real hard road.
the bad art is, i think ive gotten so used to being "the patient" i just can't seem to get with it, with anything, or anyone..
i talked to someone today, adnd they reminded me prednisone will do this to you. so, i'll hold on till it passes. not a day has gone by, that i haven't wondered how all of you were. when i first went to the hosp, i had the laptop, but the wii fii ewas down.. then, i lost interest in just about anything.. heres hopin itll pass!
im glad to see all the familiar (notice how i didn't say old) hahaha faces, and some new ones.. its good to be back, though i don't know how regular i'll be yet. got a lot to go to be better this time..thinking of you all....3jays
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3jaysmom: Gee you never seem to get a break and have a spell of good health. I'm sending lots of positive energy your way hoping it will help.
Kate oh Kate: I know this is a worrisome time for you and nothing I can say will lessen that. I did have a bump under my left implant stuck to my rib and upon u/s it was just a fatty deposit. Also had one on my right side on the pec muscle close to my arm. I'm with you - just hoping those tests come back fast and I sure hope they include an u/s.
Stanzie, sorry I missed your birthday. A belated happy birthday! Sadly it sounds like your teenage daughter is just being what she is - a teen with raging hormones, defiant of authority and totally uncaring of/ to others feelings. When max went through this I would call him on it right then and there and tell him he was being rude, snotty, uncaring of others or just unpleasant to be around. I said I will always and forever love you but I don't have to like your behavior and since I am the adult and pay the bills, you have to have some degree of politeness and regard for others feelings. Jerry said I was wasting my time as it went in one ear and out the other but it was good for me to verbalize how I felt, especially telling him he was no fun to be around. Sadly - this lasted about 1 1/2 years and came after my diagnosis and treatments, but finally one night I told him to just go up to his room, as the living room was a pleasant zone. He had his back to me as I walked upstairs 5 minutes later and the tears were streaming down his face and he said he hated himself. And wouln't explain further. So I got the GP to recommend him to a therapist and after 5 months there was less anger outbursts but still the and the therapist diagnosed acute depression and anxiety. Two weeks later on an antidepressant and he was better. He still wasn't very nice to us but most of the time didn't say anything. Fun. Then I got another GP to review him and she double his medication and in a week I had my sweet boy back. Without medication, he wouldn't carry a full load at university and flunked such an easy class and he only had 3. Now he is taking a full load, living away from home sharing a house, and is getting High Distinctions and Distinction for grades. Do you think it might help to have your daughter evaluated on a psychological basis.
Her behavior is not good for your health or well being nor for your two sons.
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Debbie, I am listening to your advice to Stanzie and thinking about MY daughter. I would love for her to be assessed as you had your son assessed, but she is married with a child of her own. How the heck do I tell her she needs her head examined without pissing her off???
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I can't believe I did this!!! In my update line on Facebook, I just typed: How do you tell someone to get their head examined without pissing them off? Notice I took out the gender? I wonder if she'll react. She hasn't answered any of my loving emails and my therapist told me to stop sending them to her as she probably felt powerful by not responding and it distressed me too much to not get an answer.
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Hi Ladies...I have been super busy with work but have been reading. I am sorry for everyone's struggles this week.
Barbe love the new pic..very pretty!!
My3sunz I think we all feel the way you do and hope in time things will get better. I hope your appointment Monday brings you some sense of peace. Will be thinking about you!
Kate..dont ever minimize your diagnosis or the fact that you are worried about a change in your body. I feel like we are all in super vigilant mode and its better to be on the safe proactive side than to feel something abnormal and dismiss it. I hope its just scar tissue...or a fatty deposit. Hope you get resolution soon...the worry is the worst.
3Jays..HUGS to you ...so sorry you have been suffering but glad you made it through! Scary stuff. I had a very mild allergic reaction to Taxotere (my tongue swelled) and that was scary and nothing in comparison..you poor thing!!! I hope each day gets better.
Everyone ....always thinking of you ladies and sending positive vibes your way for a happy peaceful weekend. Dont forget your POWERBALL tickets!!! Off to work in the meantime.
Love to all
Diane
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3-jays! I'm so happy to see you again! I have been thinking about you, I had no idea of course it was this bad! That is so horrible! I also had no idea Pregnisone did that to people. I have a friend who has these terrible ulcers in her throat and has been on Pregnisone for years! I'm so glad you are back - we miss your wonderful posts! Come back and vent and let us help you cheer you up !
Barb - that will be interesting to see what sort of responces you get.
I have found someone for my daughter to see and she said she will refuse to talk if I make her go....But my latest idea is to get her in to be tested to see if she has anything like ADD which would give her extra time on tests which she needs. But don't know if it will work.Of course my ex has to agree and he doesn't think she needs any help at all..... of course not as the kids spend all their time at his house in their rooms on the computer or on TV which I don't allow.... Ugh.
Kate- how are you???
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Kate - thinking positive thoughts for you. Life just isn't fair when it keeps giving us these challenges. I hope it turns out to be nothing, but totally get the dark places our minds go. Just keep positive thoughts.
Just thought I'd give a quick update on my elbow as everyone has been so kind with the sentiments. I have staples out and steri strips on the scar. Doc wants me using it and even said I can get in water and kayak as long as I don't transport kayak and it is gentle paddling - said it is good for range of motion. Getting MRI Monday for shoulder pain but it seems to be getting better. Actually took another fall at work on Wed,
. Somehow twisted my ankle and did face plant on floor. Got fat lip from it but thankfully no other injuies and did not do further injury to fractured elbow. Cant understand why i am falling. Guess ill have to see gp and talk to her about it, though i suspect it is way i have bee holding injued arm that somehow off balanced me.Yesterday DH and I drove 525 miles to Pensacola, FL to attend a family wedding. Just decided to be lazy today until wedding. Good to get away with nothing to do but enjoy each other and family. It has been too long since having such a luxury. Definitely wearing either no shoes or flat silver sandals to wedding which is on the beach.
Wishing everyone a good wekend.0 -
Thanks everyone for the understanding. Feeling a bit better today. It is what it is so will take it one step at a time. Yesterday I went in for several series of xrays. Was doing ok until I saw my doctor had written "Patient has prior hx (history?) of breast cancer". Wondered what the xray tech would do different with that information? Anyway, I think my doctor is taking it one test at a time instead of having me do them all at once so xrays first- cheaper and faster of the tests to rule out anything bone related. While my wallet appreciates it the process will take awhile to find out anything I'm sure.
my3sunz- We're all changed by BC and you're right- it will take awhile to figure out who we are now. I think it's hard for those around us, too, as they expect us to be the person we were before. I know I'll never be her again but not to say the new me is a lesser version. In many ways many of my "features" are new and improved (and no, not talking about the foobs- lol!). You'll find your way through your reinvention with time.
Stanzie- I think through history teenagers have just been horrible human beings at times. Lately, in our society though it has gotten much worse! I've had my own battles with my DS. When venting to my DH he reminded me of our struggles with my D(step)D. She was SO bad her mom tried to have her placed in a facility as she was completely out of control. Now she is a wonderfully loving and caring daughter to us all. She has a great job and just closed on her first house yesterday. The funny thing is I had forgotten all those bad times completely! I think the teenage years are like childbirth. You forget how bad it was. Your DD will come back to you someday but this part just truly sucks.
3jays- I understand how you feel that "being a patient" has now become part of your persona. Just remember that is not who you truly are! Despite all the challenges you have and are facing you still can give comfort and support to those around you. That is who you are. I don't know why you are having to deal with all you do but you do it with great grace. I really hope things turn around for you because no one deserves it more. (((hugs)))
justagirl- Pleasant zone- I LOVE THAT!!! I am so using that for next time (and there will be a next time) when my DS is being unpleasant. I do wonder if they have any control when it comes to being obnoxious. My DS will just be awful and then he'll come to me a few minutes later and give me a hug and say, "I'm sorry I was being a meaner, Mama" and I know he truly means it.
Delilah- I would definitely mention the falls to your GP just to be sure. In the meantime, hope you have a great time at the wedding!
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3jays, it seems that you were better when you had visitors!! Hmmm....
My daughter phoned me tonight to tell me that she needs a 'break' from me. How will I tell the difference???? She isn't coming to the dual birthday party for her son and my step-daughters son on Sept 15th that my DH's ex and I have been planning since January!!! She will deny my grandson a party for her irrational emotions??? She was very cruel on the phone, mentioning a couple of times how she worked 40 hours a week and I didn't work at all and then asked to speak to my DH. She told him that I was ruining the relationship between the two of them as she missed HIM very much!!!! I was gobsmacked to say the least, but at least my DH was at home this time to hear the raised voice in anger and got to talk to her, or rather, she talked to him. My son had tried to mediate but it bombed. So yep, another loss. I cried.
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Oh, and Kate, meant to mention. When I just went for my brain scan, my onc had written "rule out mets". It's very chilling to see that, isn't it?
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Oh Barb! I am so so sorry! I can't imagine having that level of meaness. She sounds very unhappy and somehow you are the scapegoat to all her problems and issues. Do you think it was promted by your FB statement? Can't your DH talk any reason into her? That seems very cruel to your gandson as that is so hurtful to him. Again so very sorry!
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barbe- Do you think your daughter would be receptive to family counseling? Maybe if she knew that you were open to it she might consider. It sounds like there is a lot of painful history there with hurt and anger on both sides. A good counselor may help you both to let go of that and learn to communicate in a healthy way. I hope you both can work things out for the sake of your grandson and each other.
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I don't think my FB post prompted her, but it did piss off my son who knew there were issues. He decided to mediate and cc'd her on one of the emails that I had sent HIM!!!!! Idiot!! A family counsellor wouldn't work as she says she has no time for anything in her life, including me...sigh. My DH did say to her (on the phone) that he'd like to see her at the party in September and he said she didn't say anything back, so who knows... A lot of her sentences had "work" in them...like "You don't work anymore, you shouldn't be stressed" (to me) I guess I could have reminded her that I just got a pacemaker and am awaiting results of a brain scan, but last year when I brought up cancer, she said "You're going to play the cancer card?? That is just SO pathetic!!" I had forgotten that this all happened a year ago, too. As my DH says, this is getting boring. I know some of you will say that this is her way of dealing with my illness - so be it. But I'll tell you now, I don't want to see her face around my death bed....just sayin'.
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Sorry, barbe. The mother/daughter relationship is very complicated- that's for sure! My Mom and an older sister struggle as well and I see how much it hurts my Mom so kind of know what you're going through. My Mom has tried on several occasions to move past things and start fresh but my sister feels some need to hang onto every hurt and slight she has ever felt. It sounds like your daughter as well? I don't understand people like that. It seems like a waste of a life. I have so many wonderful memories of time spent with both my grandmothers so I think it's incredibly sad that she is depriving her child of time spent with you and your DH.
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It seems odd to me that she says she has No time for anything but work and is saying she is overstressed and seems to be blaming you as you shouldn't be stressed like she is cause you are not working.... is this a backward way of saying she wants your help? Maybe angry you are not helping her more and she doesn't know how to ask without losing her face (of anger,blame, hurt)???? Since you miss seeing your grandson so much, and you all run into a wall talking, what if your husband calls her and says you have so much on your plate, here is what is going to happen. We will take grandson every..... whatever to give you some extra time to yourself.
As for your son sending the email- Really? Ok, he needs a common sense talk on here is what helps.... here is what makes things worse! Yipes!
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Kate, you are right! She does seem to drag in past issues and even brought in the relationship with my own mother!!! Why???
And Stanzie, we can't make a commitment on a certain day a week of when we can take her son as my DH works different days each week and my daughter (rightly so, sadly) doesn't think I could handle Zach all day. And yet, when we did babysit that once, it was me that carried him to his crib.... I would LOVE to say we'll babysit every Wednesday or something....that would be WONDERFUL!!! Maybe when all the dust settles that could happen. That gives me hope.
Here is a copy of an email I sent my son this morning for a reality check. Like I don't "know stress!" HA!! I never got really specific in my tests over the years and only told them about surgeries. I almost hope he forwards it:
When you get older you get different stresses. Not about jobs and families. More about health. I've been very stressed getting the pacemaker. Now this week I will find out the results of a brain CT, a bone scan, a spine MRI and whether or not they will biopsy more nodes in my neck. I am getting surgery in September for the mass that is growing in my abdomen. Are you interested in any of the results of these finding? Mom oxoxoxox
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oh dear - children and emotions and feelings. And even though the children are grownups now - some do hang on to childish behaviors.
Kate - you are so right that I don't really think teens know or have control over their emotions but we have to let them know their behaviour is unacceptable. The reason I sent Max to therapy was when I was coming out of my fog and depression after my initial diagnosis, 2 surgeries, chemo and radiation, he wasn't coming out of it. And he did know everything about my medical status every step of the way as that's what he wanted whereas my husband only wanted the 'highlights'.
It's now very important for me to have a place where I can be free and safe from disharmony and now that Max lives away from home that zone is my whole house and gardens. So be it. My house my rules. You might try making your bedroom and the main living areas where you are comfortable 'pleasant zones'.
Stanzie, Do you think your daughter, besides having raging female teen hormones has some residual fear over you dying? If you have to get your ex to agree to any counseling and he doesn't see anyting wrong with her behaviour you might just skip that issue when you present it to him (it's not lying just omission) and say it has to do with her education. If she can't finish tests within the allotted time and I do know they allow sufficient time, then something is wrong. Like even an inability to concentrate on the test in front of her consecutively to do it within the allotted time.
Barb, You daughter does sound resentful of you and it's not penetrating her thick skull that you have been so ill that you can't work anymore! I understand you wanting to have your Grandson a day a week while she works, but obviously she has daycare set up. Maybe, when your husband gets his work schedule which covers a Saturday and Sunday you could offer to her to have your grandson for a half day then when your husband is home to give you back-up support and your daughter can have some time to herself to do whatever. Sadly, I think a lot of women are having children today and just expecting their mothers to jump in and provide support and care. I sure didn't get any and didn't plan on any and that's why I didn't have Max until I was 41 and sure I could afford a child and not work full time or at all, and yes it was rough at times taking care of him when he was under the age of one, but I had no one to turn to and didn't want to hire a stranger to take care of my child.
Now I think all of us could use therapy once in a while for a 'clean-out' and reorganization and to develop a life plan. When I went last year it helped me deal with Max and my husband who was a major part of my unhappiness and when I asked him to go with me to therapy he said he didn't believe in it. So I had to go to get some tools to deal with him. 29 years of marriage and I'm still learning how to get around some of the things he does and how to get things how I like them and can live with.
I think from all of this we realize we are not along with these issues. I know for me having dealt with BC has made me more fragile emotionally and the Femara I take sure doesn't help. When I had to rush my Jaki to the vet last week because she was outside with me and got poisoned by something I just fell apart. It wasn't until I got to pick her up at the vet the next morning that my migraine went away along with the tension and stress, and now it's taking me days to recover from it all. Before BC, I would of bounced back the next day.
Now, not so much bounce in my life........
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Good morning, my lovelies! I've been up since 5 am since my dog, Scout, had some "issues" (let's just say overgrown hair and poop and leave it at that). Such a nice way to start my day. It's a good thing I love her so much. Oh well, I've got my pot of tea and am about to see a gorgeous sunrise coming up over the desert. How's that for a glass-half-full (or is it teapot-half-full) kind of attitude. I hardly recognize myself this morning!
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So much going on with all of us!!! We somehow always know how to reach deep down and find that courage and strength and determination to get us through these unbelievably difficult times. And the support we give each other is "priceless".
Kate I love the attitude you are starting out the day with. I think if we set our mindset in a postive way to start with it helps. Even if things happen that change how we are thinking or feeling it helps. I sometimes will pull up a picture of my grandsons as I know that will always make me smile. And if it doesn't last all day that is ok I am trying each day to start new and fresh.
I sure hope all of us have a peace filled day. We are getting a gentle cleansing and renewing rain right now. I am visualizing a cleansing of my spirit.
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hopeful- Rain on a Monday morning sounds so nice. We've been getting some monsoon storms at dusk but it seems to just coat everything with dust and a few sprinkles and the next day is very humid. I am so ready for summer to be over. It was 114* yesterday. Gasp!
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Barbe, I wish I could help you. I know I was the biggest B to my parents all thru out my 20's. I was very angry at them for my "childhood"--my perceived wrongs that they just didn't get. It took me to see that my one of sisters had a stronger and more personal anger than me. Seeing it in her for some reason softened me. She was very bitter and her childhood memories included more trauma than mine. I got to point where I had to forgive them to move on--she hasn't yet and not sure she ever will. Guess I realized that as an adult I needed to take charge of who I was and not spend my life blaming my parents and my childhood for my choices today. I see my mom and dad for doing the best that they knew how, their childhood was severely flawed. No good examples there. I didn't want to repeat that with my boys. I don't know what anger your daughter holds in her heart but she is going to have to figure out on her own that its a poison that will slowly harm her more than heal her. Family counseling is a great idea, but she has to want to make that step. Or at least "think" that she came up with it. I do feel your pain. Every day I wish I could have taken back some of my anger and the hurt it caused.
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Here's a poem I wrote and posted on Facebook today. No response from her...sigh:IN MY DAUGHTER'S ARMS
When tiny arms gripped ‘round my neck
And sticky palms adorned my face
A good-bye kiss so innocent within
My daughter's arms.As years go by the grip stays firm
The needs is hers, but mostly mine
To feel the love and joy within
My daughter's arms.Then loss is great and parents die
When cancer bites and fear is born
The hope of life continues on within
My daughter's arms.When time runs out and I am called
To take my final journey home
I pray forgiveness deep within the circle of
My daughter's arms.@ Barbara Downey 2012
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barbe- there is no doubt how much you love and miss your daughter. I am clueless as to how you can reach her if this poem doesn't. It has reduced me to tears as I know how I felt just for that short time (1 1/2 years) that my son wasn't close to me and now I am so lucky we are side by side again and at almost 19 he doesn't feel he is too old to give his old Mum a kiss, hug or telephone call or come for a weekend visit and sit and talk.
That's the one thing that scares me about cancer so much - not me dying but leaving my son and husband.
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Thanks, Debbie, still no response. It's funny, I'm not afraid of dying either. The problem is that I know my DH would become a hermit. He would sit all day watching TV and eating beans and be quite happy, seriously. Then my DD would make an effort to visit him and that would probably make him blow up!! He says he is so over her and her petty behaviour. She is really burning bridges. Did I tell y'all that she isn't going to come to the two-year old birthday party we have planned for 8 months for her son and my step-daughter's son who are 16 days apart? It is September 15th and she said she won't come. I then told my son I expect someone to bring Zach at least. Then I got a better idea and emailed my son and said that I won't go to the party so that Kim and her family can enjoy the glory of the day. He told me to forward the email to Kim, so I did, and still no response.
This was the email:
First, did you see my heart-felt poem on Facebook???? I love Kim's family so much that I want THEM to go the party and I will NOT go, but Paul will. No surprises - I will NOT be there. Don't tell Sonia or Cheryl or they'll flip out, but I think it would be a joyous day for Zach and his Mom and Dad to be part of the day. Please see if Kim will go along with this. I don't think she'll read an email I send as she wanted a break. Love Mom xoxoxoxoo
Sorry to kind of high-jack this thread, but I really need you ladies at this time!! It means a lot to hear your feed-back or just validation...even holding my hand. It hurts.
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