Great saying about depression
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Goodness gracious ptd!!! I am so sorry. That's a tough decision to make. Does it eventually heal? How does it effect your hearing?
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Thanks Debbie!!! Makes me feel better!
Kate- postponed? Huh... well I'm just sorry as it makes the waiting longer for you! (hugs!)
Ptdreamers- Oh my!!! That is awful! I can't imagine how on earth you did that? Will that affect your hearing? I know nothing about ear surgery! Wow, what kind of recovery does it entail? I'm so sorry!
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i have moderate to severe hearing loss in that ear, due to the fall. it won't heal itself. hearing aid will compensate for the loss, surgery may be able to repair but significant failure rate that may impact hearing further if not sucessful. that's why i am trying the hearing aid to see if i can adjust. i have always had very acute hearing and to lose it suddenly is abig adjustment. i thought it was wax or the meds but no it was from that nasty face plant i did. bummer for sure.
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ptdreamers: so sorry to hear about your hearing loss! Wow, that fall you took must of shared the impact of your body to the curb between your elbow and head! Ouch!!!!
I woke up one morning 7 years ago and had a pain in my left ear and was super dizzy and nauseous and couldn't hear out of that ear. Dr came to the house and gave me an injection for pain and one for the vertigo and one for the nausea. Three hours later I was howling with pain and couldn't stand up. My husband couldn't get me out off the floor beside our bed so had to call the ambulance. Dr decided it was just bad vertigo and I was too sick to say you didn't lose your hearing with vertigo. I was in the hospital a week and was told I could see an ENT in three weeks. When I finally saw the ENT he said I had had an idiopathic sudden loss of hearing and it was 100% - MRI showed the nerve had just died. No hearing aid would help. No treatment or surgery would help. I had to learn to walk again. ENT said I would never be able to go up a ladder or ride a bike or do things like yoga and balance on one leg. HA! Slowly I relearned and tried and can do all of those things.
Point being: don't give up hope for a return of your hearing or that you will be able to learn to deal with this too. It is a huge adjustment to lose 50% of your hearing. A private conversation with background noise is impossible and the pitch of some people's voice will make it near impossible to understand them. Sales people still walk up behind me and I don't hear them say 'can I help you' and when I realize they are there they look at me like I am the idiot and I now just say 'sorry I'm deaf and didn't hear you'. It's not my problem, it's theirs. When I travel with my son and we are checking in at the airport, even when he was younger (he's 18 now), due to the background noise I can't understand what the check-in person or security person says so my son says 'my Mum is deaf' and he deals with them and then if he needs my guidance, he talks close to my good ear.....and that is another trick - get on your 'good ear' side to talk with people and if they look at you strangely just say 'I'm deaf in my left ear'. Don't hesitate to ask someone to repeat something or if they can speak up. My dear husband, after all these years still forgets and often I have to ask him to repeat himself and he has a soft voice so if the tv is on full volume I can't distinguish the tv sound from his voice.
It is a bummer for sure, and I hope the hearing aid helps but if it doesn't, you are strong enough to deal with this too.
We all hear are very strong and dynamic women - with will and drive to keep on going and compassion. Our bodies may try to defy us but I'm not going to let these things get the best of me. I can't run or ride a bike anymore due to the three slipped discs in my back thanks to taking Femara, I have two silicone bumps on my chest and no latissimus dorsi muscle on one side of my back which makes having good posture a challenge and worsens my scoliosis and I have osteoarthritis in my fingers so they are stiff and hurt and thanks to Femara my ankle and knee and hip joints hurt and sometimes even my elbows but I will keep on going.
It's depressing when I add it up but I want to live and rejoice in every day I have. I admit I need to space out physical activities, and that is a pain, and I need rest periods, but I'm gonna do what I want to do, with a few modifications!
Don't give up ptdreamers - never ever! PS: how is your elbow mending?
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Debbie--love how you face challenges head on. Your strength is amazing.
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Kate, doesn't it frustrate you guys how an INSURANCE company can dictate your medical health? You guys poo-poo our "socialzied medicine" up here, but DOCTORS tell the government what we need. We don't need to get pre-approval. If a DOCTOR says do it, it gets done. I find it so hard to believe that someone sitting at a desk can say "Kate, needs a bone scan...hmm...she's had an x-ray lately, that should be good enough! Denied!""
Debbie, you wrapped it all up in a basket and handed it over!! That is so much how I have to live too. I am deaf, probably as a result of being beaten about my head by my Dad. He used to show us ways of hurting someone and one way was to clap your hands against their ears. It bursts the ear drum or something. Anyway I have damage and years ago finally got hearing aids. I cried when I first got them in. I could hear everything!!! They were programmable for phones, airplanes, etc to specify what I wanted to hear. I hated when the battery died in one as all of a sudden I had this BLANK on one side of my head!! One time our youngest cat must have played with them on my night table. I asked her to show me "mommy's toy" and she looked under the night table. Sure enough, there it was!!! Anyway, I got rid of them after a couple of years, I just heard way too much. I like being "deaf" as I can ignore so much out there. I hear high highs and low lows and nothing in between. It's called a "cookie bite" loss. Think of a bite out of a cookie. I have no problem saying I'm deaf and did VERY well in sales as I had to listen intently to what someone was saying and read their lips a lot. They loved the attention without knowing why I was giving it, but so often I was told "you listened to me!". I've had sales people come up behind me and start chatting too and I just ignore them. Idiots!
ptdreamers, I CANNOT imagine the frustration you are going through!! Who would have thought that a bad fall could ripple into so much wrong. You really took a hit, sweetie!! In retrospect, it's a good thing you didn't get a brain injury because you must have really hit hard to break an ear bone. Tough call about surgery....I know you'll find peace with your decision, but to have to make that decision in the first place just isn't fair! Hugs to you, sweetie.
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thanks everyone for the concern and love. i appreciate it. i will adjust, just took me by surprise. pick up hearing aid next tuesday. lso have ortho that day to check and probably change cast. i'm not sure. left arm and shoulder is giving me heck for doing everything one handed. its getting old.
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pt, do they have you doing physio so your shoulder that is good doesn't over compensate? Also, what about the one that has the arm in a cast? Is it heavy? I've never had a cast.
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ptdreamers so sorry for all the things you are dealing with! Sometimes it just seems never ending doesn't it. I wonder if getting a second opinion on the surgery would be a good idea? Maybe from a teaching/research hospital?
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ptdreamers- Debbie and I have talked and we have very similar hearing issue stories. I had sudden hearing loss (without the dizziness she had) one morning and lost quite a bit of hearing in one ear. They think it was from a virus. It's frustrating because I found out years later if they had just given me a steroid right away it might have saved my hearing. I wear a hearing aid in one ear and they are so much better than they used to be. Mine is very comfortable and no one can even tell I have one in. (It helps to be a woman with longer hair to cover the ears!) I have Oticon and it's been great. I still struggle in some noisy situations but overall it's fine. Sorry you're having to deal with this, though.
barbe- I guess the deal on my insurance stuff was someone was insisting I needed pre-authorization for the test when in fact I didn't. My doctor actual handled it from home because yesterday was her day off. She called me this morning at home to tell me the test was back on. So guess I'll take back all the nasty thoughts I was thinking about my insurance company!
Just got back from the second part of the bone scan. (The first one they inject you with radioactive dye and then scan you. Then you have to come back 2-4 hours later for another scan.) Glad that's over but there were some weird things that happened. First they were supposed to scan just my ribs but the tech suddenly said when I came back for the second scan she was going to scan my whole body because of my history. Then I asked her when the results would be back and she said normally several days but since my doctor seemed to want this test done right away maybe it would be sooner. And I know I'm reading too much into this but I have been to this imaging place multiple times for various things. Whenever you're done they point you to the exit which is what the tech did this morning after the first scan. This time she personally walked me to the exit, held open the door for me and then wished me well. I couldn't help thinking she saw something on the scan. So I'm just being paranoid, right?!?
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They ALWAYS do a full body scan. Always. So that's not unusual. Remember, I said I was surprised that they did a 3D of my spine? I read a lot into that, too. The first part was to scan where you hurt the most, your ribs. I was escorted from the area as well, but I thought it was to make sure I went all the way out and didn't go and take up a chair in the waiting room for 3 hours! hehehehhehe
So you're saying you did NOT need pre-authorization for the test and you could have had it without contacting your insurance company? They do seem to work fast!!
Now the wait begins for you...I find out tomorrow, Friday at 2:30. This is the first time I'm scared. I've been anxious, mildly worried, but never scared. The timing for ER+ to recur is coming up for me and I hate when everyone asks, when was it (the cancer) and then nods as if to say "okay, right, it's about now it'd show up again"....sigh.
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Oh hang on, I just reread your post. They escorted you out after the SECOND scan. I see your concern!! It's like they were being overly polite. I didn't get escorted out after my scan. Did they say "good luck" or "be well" or what?
After I had blood on my mammo plate and had to be retested, the idiot tech kept going to my right breast but I insited it was my left. She said there were architectural changes on my right they were concerned about. She took my DH and I upstairs to get an ultrasound and then returned to the room minutes later, KNELT down in front of me, took my HANDS and said "It IS your left breast they are going to ultrasound. Good luck." !?!?!??!?! It was like she was praying in front of me!!! Now THAT I read a LOT into!!! hehehehehehe
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Kate and Barbe - no two ways about it - waiting is the essence of agony when it's for test results relating to our BC. How about taking up the time with a 'nasty' job like cleaning the oven or going through a closet laden with junk? Busy your mind and body.
Yes, Kate and I have lamented over our hearing loss's. Like Kate, after the fact I found out I might of recovered some or all of my hearing if the dr had treated me immediately with steroids but no. I think the 3 of us Barbe have just learned that being deaf is part of our life. I do so get tired of these challenges being placed upon me. To think I used to think a big challenge was training for a doing a marathon or triathlon and now I am training to lead a normal life.
Thinking of you Kate and Barbe!
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PS: Kate - there are some very nice and caring medical tech people out there and some have been very gentle and I think out of the way nice to me since I now carry the history of BC with me. So maybe you just got a 'caring' person.
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Barbe--just to let you know I will be thinking of you today and sending the best thoughts and wishes your way. Here's to boring B9 results!! You deserve nothing more!!!!
In reading y'alls struggles with hearing loss, I am amazed! Can't imagine the struggles you all have been thru. Definitely got an extra card or two or three when the cards were dealt. But even still, you have found a way, thru your art, your photography, your words to survive. And I know somedays you don't feel like it,but thrive also. You are all an inspiration to me.
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Claire - I don't think of myself as someone to inspire others. I am just stubborn as all heck and a plodder - I figure if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Luckily I have the love of my husband and son and my faithful dog Jaki along with cat Fred.....and all of you lovely ladies.
We all have had many challenges and I think the depression comes from just getting worn out and having the insults to our physical well being with surgeries, chemo and rads and side effects of drugs like Femara. I hate that little orange pill but will continue to take it for the next three years...insanity here I come!
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Maybe its the thought of the different physical issues plus the idea that you are still standing inspires me. I know the sadness can kick you in the butt, and there are times you can't pick yourself up--but please know that what I see are some incredibly STRONG women--who some how find a way. It may not be easy every day, but you all are so much stronger than you realize. Your words and compassion keep me going some days.0
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Oh My Goodness!!! Test results, deafness and falls - plus all the other stuff like BC and auto-immune diseases and thyroid and heart - well we are something aren't we? No wonder we all get along so well!! Whew! Wishing everyone the best- good test results and calmness and peace and no pain and no insanity!
Please everyone keep us updates as we all worry with you all!
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Well...maybe a little insanity! 0
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Happy Friday ladies, for those of you waiting for results I am keeping you in my thoughts. We learn that we can't control so many things in our lives now. We are dependent on those who are our health care providers, the insurance, the hospitals, the pharmacies and it goes on. So we can't control those institutions or people but we do have control over staying determined. Note I did not say postive
We are determined to keep moving through this journey as well informed as we can be. We are determined to show others the true story of a breast cancer journey not the pollyanna pink version.
We are determined to recongize and thank those who share their unconditional love with us through words, actions and prayers.
And when we feel the most sad, scared and anxious we are determined to take a deep breath, look around and see all that is good in our lives and take a tiny step foward.
Have a peace filled weekend
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Barbe- Just wondering how your appointment went and if you got the results of your bones scan. Hope you got some good news and are out celebrating. I'm still waiting for mine.
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Nice, hopeful!!
Okay, my bony overgrowths don't "seem" to be mets, but she could ask the radiologist to take another look. I said no. She said she could send me to an ortho as it seems to be OA. I said no. She did say there was uptake in the site of where the bony overgrowths are but everyone is pretty sure it's just the arthritis. I'm not really okay with it all and couldn't figure out why. My DH said it's because I'm still in pain! He is SO smart! I was thinking, okay, if it's not cancer then it can be made to go away. It can't. The nerves ARE being pinched as they exit my spine through these bony overgrowths. There will come a time my legs will be numb. Then they will do surgery...sigh.
She did say she wanted to see me in 6 months and not a whole year away. She said I was coming into the time when I'd recur and I must be vigilant. Okay, but my back still hurts!!! Now I know why it hurts when I sit and lie down now. I KNEW the pain had changed from just my stenosis, but didn't know what was going on. Now I know. Whoopie.....sigh.
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I'll be happy about all this tomorrow.....when I've had more of a chance for the morphine to hit my system! hehehehehee
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Wow - everyone is dealing with so much right now.
Barbe and Kate hope your various scans all come back clear. It is so hard to wait for he results.
ptdreamer - so sorry to hear of your hearing loss following your fall. The cast has to be bad enough let alone having to deal with the ent and all that entails.
On the positive side for me,anyhow, my elbow is healing quite well, or so it seems. Getting a bit more range of motion and less pain. Had MRI on shoulder. To rule out rotator cuff injury on last Monday but will have to wait until a week from coming Monday to see doc for results.
Our Nephew's wedding last week was very nice - went barefoot the whole night so no fall issues. Tomorrow is Niece's wedding - wearing flats.
Prayers to everyone that we can all heal and that family situations straighten themselves out.0 -
barbe- So happy for you that the scans showed no mets but I know arthritis is no picnic, either. My sister has it in her ankle and can barely walk it is so painful. I'm surprised with all of us aging baby boomers more research isn't being done on treatments for arthritis. Hope you don't end up needing surgery.
I never did hear from my doctor but I'm not going to stress about it. Tonight we are having some friends/neighbors over for drinks and then we're all going out for dinner and dancing. It should be a blast. I had my dreaded insomnia again so have been up since 5:00 a.m. Might have to take a power nap so I can get my groove on!
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend doing what you love to do. 0 -
Naps are wonderful things!!! I had to teach my DH how to nap. Seriously!!!! He used to whine and whine that he didn't want a nap, now he is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow!! hehehehehehe
Kate, have a blast and dance the night away!! Knowing you won't hear anything over the weekend is kind of a stress-break, so enjoy.
Delilahbear, read two posts up from your last post and you'll see my results...sigh.
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Oh Barb- that sounds amazinly painful! Can they do anything other than surgery which is an awfully delicate area to have surgery.... If you are already on morphine and still in pain that isn't good. I am thriled and happy that it isn't mets but gosh... something that has an easier fix would certainly be nice. And speaking back on things. When you are in pain you are not going to always have the patience and ability to think about others as you normally would and of course being in pain is very stressful and inability to sleep etc.... think you daughter needs to understand this.
Yesterday my teenage son said he had gotten enough sleep - oh now I'm not in italics?? Anyway, he said he didn't understand why he felt so tired - not sleepy tired just like he didn't want to move tired and that his joints hurt. I told him it was probably growing pains which are very tiring but gave me a chance to say, think about how you are feeling right now- that is how I feel 90% of the time but I have to do things so I plow through so then later when it is time to fix dinner and youw three kids are fighting and no one helps me do anything... His face told me he got it. And he was so sweet, he said Oh Mom I had no idea, I'm so sorry that is awful. I think being able to actually feel fatigue really helped bring it all home.
So what do we do yesterday afternoon? We start pruning trees and end up cutting down a small but very heavy and thick Beech tree which sprouted in the wrong place and I've been meaning to take it down for 6 years! Oh My talk about tired.... we were going along and hauling debris down to the street when he says I think we need to stop- I looked at him and he said I'm really tired so you must be a million times more tired - we have to stop. He is just sooooo sweet! So we decided to go out to dinner after showers as the thought of cooking was too much. Well I could barely walk to dinner- it was awful I must have looked like I was a 102! Then took sleeping pills and woke at 2 and took more as I was in horrible pain - along with painkillers. All would have been really great except I slep through 2 alarms and he woke me up at 10:55 saying it is getting late for my hair apt. Yes it certainly was as it was for 11:00 across town! LOL! They were lovely and got a later apt.... whew!
Yay for dancing barefoot!
Kate, just enjoy and relax this weekend and hopefully you will get good news on Monday.
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Stanzie, what a great breakthrough with your son!!!! I've had Fibromyalgia for years and a old, good friend of mine who is 25 YEARS older than me used to harrass me when I was in bad shape. Years later she got a flare up of some myalgia of some sort and she was in agony. Absolute agony. She could barely move. She asked her doc if it was Fibromyalgia she had and the doctor said, Oh, no, it's not as bad as that thank goodness!!! She phoned me and apologized over and over and over...... I just with my family would get it...sigh.
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