Great saying about depression
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Hi Kate,
Ain't that the truth. I only had a Rt sided mastectomy, and one side looks like Barbie on speed while the other looks like a spaniel's ear!! Hope it looks more evenly matched when my permanent implant is put in. I have wondered though if it is not worse for a man who has had a testicle removed. The poor things have to line up at the urinals and expose themselves in front of everyone. There are also all those sayings " He doesn't have the balls for the job" or "He's got no balls" etc. A lot of the shower cubicles at the men's gym don't have a shower door on either.
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Maddie, I don't think men expose their balls at urinals. I've had my DH show me exactly what they do as I'm always amazed that men will bring out their private bits in "public". Not too much gets shown. If the balls are showing, he's got more to laugh at than a missing testicle!!!
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ugh, i so agree with you Kate.. but, i've had three years ( and a wonderfully supportive hubs) but i still don't look in the mirror, anymore, nor do i allow him to see me without covering that part up.
there's really no vanity left, though.. i was also left with partial alopecia from chemo, so essentially, no hair on the top.. not even bangs, cause then you can wear hats..
i just stay home most days.. by the time i put a shirt on to be ablee to wrap for truncal, then, a cami that has my "foobs" in it, and then a wig: im so hot here in so fla, its not worth it!!!
Marybe watched me get ready one day when she was here, and was astounded.. she was thrilled her little hair left att least worked for her.. she hunted for two months, till she found the "right " red wig for me, God bless her soul...
It really does come with a lot of baggage!!!
I do hope, Diane, they'll consider draining the cysts.. when i was young, trying to have children, they did that 3 or 4 times.. i now the T kicks you in the butt. don't know why they used that, since you're young.. talk to the onc about aromisin, or the others.. i hope they find answers you can do... and i am sorry about your pain. my ovaries are swollen, with cysts, but im WAY older than you.. waiting for the blood tests, to see if theyre putting out estrogen. gyn said no likely.. if it is, they're going. im not using them, had a partial hysterectomy awhile ago............
have an easy sunday, and Monday sounds wonderful!!!!
thanks for all your loving support, about some insensitive remarks. i "need" to get a tougher skin, i know.. but no go on the sunject of Marybe, im afraid...
3jays
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yep they sure don't get it! That is why I am doing the documentary!!! Maybe if they see this as med students, nursing students, and social work students they will get it or at least a little more than they do now.
Diane good luck with your decision. It is yours alone to make. You know what is best for you.
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Maybe if men ALL wore speedos, or super tight jeans where you can see which "side" they are on. . . but they don't cause they don't want their business to be OUT THERE. And its really a good thing for the rest of us, cause really, do we want to see it? I don't even want to see Mr. Clooney in skin tight jeans--now a speedo. . . ooh, sorry,almost had second thoughts there.
Diane--thought of you all day making cupcakes. . . heavy sigh. . . DH and I are trying so hard to lose that weight but have to admit--blew it yesterday at the beach with beer, after beer. . .and yes, ladies it was worth it. Now if I only won't have to wait another 4 months. . . .
3jays--I got my foobs last year and wore them for less than a month. Too darn hot here in Florida, I don't see how anyone can wear them. Now if I can figure out how to recycle them. I am even not looking forward to putting just a plain bra back on my new diep/boobs. Wahh!
BTW my derm scan was over pretty quick, yeah, that's an agespot, yeah that too, and that. WHATEVER!! Until I turned around and he saw my diep scars. Then the conversation turned to my BC,spent more time yakking then scanning. But I'll still take the all clear.
Everyone have a wonderful Monday!!
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Kate: You are so right about loving our own body and how it looks......and if we don't, well, for me, it messes with my mind. Now when my DH walks in when I am coming in or out of a shower the first thing I think of is to grab a towel and cover up. Not that I am a prude but I just don't want to subject him to seeing what I think isn't normal.
Sadly, for me, taking Femara has made me feel like a lump, as it's sucked all the estrogen out of my body. When I finish working out on the treadmill and with the weights Dh will remark I look better than I ever have and my response is 'oh hum'. I do feel more like me now that my hair has grown back somewhat from chemo and is almost to my shoulders, but the big question is, will my love and zest for life ever come back or will this cloud about BC sit forever above my head and haunt me while I sleep? When will I wake up in the morning and see the lovely blue sky and think 'oh boy, another glorious day' instead of wanting to just lie back down and pull the covers over my head?'. I can pull myself out of it now almost every day, but it still upsets me I feel that way -
If I didn't have you gals to talk with I know I'd be curled up in the corner of a room in a looney bin. Yesterday I burst into tears and Jaki came over and was licking the tears off my face as fast as they fell and the rest of the day she wouldn't leave my side, even with Max home for the weekend (she ususally follows him around when he's here for a couple of days). I've even managed to make my dog neurotic!
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Awwwwww Debbie! Come here when you're sad...I am sure I have some crazy story to cheer you up. I love how are pets comfort us. I am sorry Femara is making you feel lumpy. Tamoxifen doesnt make it any better.
Speaking of which I can only take Tamoxifen since I am premenopausal. Femara and other AIs is a ways off for me....I hope. I talked to my BS today (I love him I emailed him my results and he talked to my gyn Friday) he said I could have the cysts drained provided my pap was ok. He said he will talk to my gyn after my pap. I love him...he said to me one time during my treatment decision time..that he knew I didnt have anyone to talk stuff through so he wanted to be that person for me. I have leaned on him a lot through treatment and recon. I love love love him.
Claire..congrats on the all clear and you made me jealous with the beers and beach time. I will be celebrating soon!!
BTW cupcakes....dark chocolate filled with chocolate ganache...vanilla buttercream...drizzled with chocolate and caramel topped with a cherry!!! I hope my sweetie loves em! Ok speaking of which need to finish frosting.
Happy Monday! Love to all
Diane
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Thanks Diane, and don't forget to send some of those delicious cupcakes my way. I can slap one on each hip! (just joking - they would be yum with a tall glass of milk!)
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cm bear.. i sent you a pm; but wanted to add that 'm glad you had the beach, AND the beer this time.. life's too short..
just a girl: i know EXACTLY the trick, always grab anything around when my hubs walks in.. for bedtime.. wait for it... i wear my foobs in a nightie.. talk about vanity, and hot flashes.. thank God i just wear the foam ones!!!
i sneak in the liv rm and take them out late at night..funny, but not really. i never got my hair back right, either, but im NOT wearing a wig to bed..
although tmi, the first time we tried, i wore a long blond one.. (he used to date a lot of blondes ) many years ago, now.. he said if you want, at least wear my redheads color.. i cried, and never have worn one to bed, again..
its' sad, we get left with such bad scars, inside, and out.....
well, on that "light " note, im hungering for some of those luscious cupcakes too, but will settle for a publix one said hubs came home with, today.. hope everyone has a better week....3jays
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Hi Ladies,
It is so lovely to read all your chatter - makes you feel quite normal, and a good laugh. For those of you who have still got partial hair loss I am sending this hair oil recipe. It is amazing. Not promising anything, but my hubbie who has been shiny bald for years got a few clumps of hair when he used it regularly. It was too late for him, but if any of your husbands are going a bit thin, it will definitely slow down the balding process. At the very least the hair you do have will look lively by the 4th week. Please keep it up, and use it regularly - it works on the scalp- so the benefits are only obvious a few weeks down the line. I didn't know my hair may not fully come back - that's another thing they forgot to mention!!! If any of you are still having chemo - Taxol or Taxotere- don't use it until you are finished. I read Rosemary brings the blood to the surface of the skin, and as it is this chemical which is attacking the follicles it is not a good idea. Please let me know if it helps.
Unfortunately - I am unable to paste here, so will have to type it all out for you- shows how much I love you all!!
Miracle Hair Oil
100mls Grape Seed Oil
12 mls Jobajoba Oil
10 drops Cedar Oil
15 drops Lavender Oil
15 dropsRosemary Oil
10 drops Thyme Oil
5 mls Vitamin E Oil
Method
Part hair and rub oil well into the scalp. It works on the follicles not the hair that is there already.
Leave on for a few hours - I put it on when I am gardening.
Wash out with your normal shampoo.
The recipe said to leave on overnight, bit I found this too messsy. if you go this route - cover your pillow case.
The essential oils are initially quite expensive, but you only use a few drops, and they last for ages. Grape seed oil is also quite expensive, but I found a huge bottle in the supermarket in the cooking oil section, and it seems to work
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Maddie57....The ladies on the "natural girl" threads say lavender is estrogen producing , so being totally anal I have removed all my body creams(and there are many) with lavender in them. But I do make up a similar concoction with rosemary for my hair.
Lost a lot thanks to Letrozole.0 -
Hi Scotttie1,
Thanks I didn't know that - just leave the lavender drops out . I don't know if it would make a difference if it was on your scalp, as your are not ingesting it, but it is better to be safe!!
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Hi Scottiee1 -I am still amazed lavender contains estrogen - you learn something everyday. Perhaps your ladies on the "natural thread" could look at the other ingredients to check if everything else is safe for ER+ ladies. I miss my estrogen - I am not ER+ but the BS took me off it anyway. Maybe I should make lavender scones. Not sure if any of you have tasted them - the lavender farm near us makes them, and they are really unusual and delicious. Before we visited the lavender farm I didn't know lavender was edible. It also makes a great insect repellent. The sparrows were all stealing the lavender and using it to line their nests to discourage some mite they get.
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Great recipe information and lavender info. Trying to catch up... Diane--- I'm so sorry you are in such pain! I hate that... I do hope they can do something sooner and draining the cysts sounds better than a big surgery. Hope that works and soon!
Kate still thinking about you as always
Had a busy weekend and no sleep last night so feeling dreadful and hopefully will be able to go back to sleep soon.... Hate not sleeping...
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I THOUGHT Tamoxifen was for the younger gals!! Glad to know I had that straight.
As for vanity. I truly have only a tiny little bit. I will normally cover my dark circles under my eyes so people don't think I'm ill or dying. That's my only claim to vanity, really. I walk around flat all the time and cannot even imagine wearing foobs!! Especially in the heat! My hair is however it comes out that morning as it is dead straight. Right now I have a one-year old perm in it and I play with highlights just to have fun. I think I might clean up real nice if I truly wanted to make the effort!! hehehehehehe When I do wear full make-up I do feel pretty. So it's just nice to know I can get there when I really need to.
I am proud of my body. It has been through a HUGE struggle and has many, many, many scars to prove it!! I know my DH loves me no matter what parts come off or are put in (pacemaker!). I am overweight as well, so why would I worry about being flat? If I was truly concerned, I'd work out all day long to be a skinny girl. No thanks. I have earned every gray hair, every wrinkle and every scar. They are what makes me, me. And most days, that is good enough. If I strive for perfection or even close to it, I would never get there. I would just be setting myself up for disappointment. And for who, really, am I trying to be perfect? "Other" people? "Them" or me? My DH? My family? Who?????
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Hi Maddie57.....yeah, go figure. I was "raised" on lavender practically. My mother loved it. She had it everywhere all over the house.....sprays, sachets on our pillows, bath salts...you name it. The other ingredients seem to be fine.
It's actually worth checking their threads. They have done so much research, and God bless them. I have learned a lot from them.0 -
Never been a lavendar fan. Nice to know its SE. Maddie, thanks for the recipe. I forwarded it to my sister. She had such a thick head of hair before chemo, and now her hair is as thin as a woman 30 years older than she is. Its the one thing that upsets her the most about her TX/BC.
My 2nd stage surgery for my DIEP is Thursday, should be only a 1-2 hour surgery, outpatient. Not looking forward to the lip of the hips--I already don't fit into size 14 pants, having been wearing XL stretchy shorts and yoga skirts. The PA said I would be more swollen for probably 2-3 months. REALLY? Pooh. I feel like a big rolly polly jello ball. As I sit here at the computer. Promise myself I am getting off soon and walking the dog. In the heat. Gotta get moving, mentally and physically sooner or later.
Diane--hope you had a good birthday celebration and those cupcakes were devoured!!
Kate--thinking of you this week and so glad you had such a special day yesterday!! You deserved it!!
Debbie-have you always been on Femera? I am so sorry it has such an effect on you. I hate that the drugs we take to help save our lives can make our QOL so pitiful. Took them years to come up with the right drug combos to make chemo more bearable for most--you think they would come up with a way to make femera and tamox more bearable. When I go to see my MO in Oct she is going to run my second hormone test to officially call me menopausal. Haven't had my period now for 2 years. Can't say I miss it, but I also don't want to change medications.
Barbe- you are gorgeous!! Got the attitude going on inside and out!! Strut it girl!!
3jays- your DH brings you cupcakes? Sounds like a keeper. ( he probably didn't mean any harm with the wig comment, he might have thought You would be more comfortable. . .maybe)
Ok time to get and move. And sweat. Woo-hoo.
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Yesterday was my wedding anniversary and DH and I had such a wonderful day. I think we had an unspoken agreement not to talk about BC, oncologists, tests, etc. We had lunch at our favorite little wine bar and later dinner at an amazing Italian restaurant at the Hyatt Regency. Two hours flew by just eating, talking and laughing. After dinner and dessert we listened to some great music in the bar and then took a gondola ride around the lake. The gondolier even serenaded us with an Italian love song. I closed my eyes and pretended I was in Venice! Afterwards we wandered around their incredible gardens and pool area. It was a much needed and magical night. On the drive home it started pouring and we laughed because no matter where we are in the world it rains practically every anniversary starting with our wedding day for the past 18 years!
I think we all need days like this, not fancy dinners at nice resorts, but times with our DH's, SO's or just good friends where we put the BC in a closet and lock the door for the day. It starts to feel like a heavy coat and it felt great to shed it for the day. I felt lighter and more.....me. I hadn't realized how much it was defining me until I let go of it for a short time.
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Kate so glad you had such a wonderful day and evening! Yes I just told my best friend today who also has BC that this disease can be very isolating. Congrats on your special day!
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Oh Kate that whole day sounds just heavenly and very romantic and lovely- certainly what you both needed. You are such a gorgeous couple! I'm even more thrilled you could get away from thinking about anything medical even for just a day!
Claire - wow, will be thinking about you on Thursday! Well sorry you will be swollen for a while but then at least you should have a nice new redistribution!
3jays- so glad you have a sweet husband- no pun intended! I agree with Clarie about the wig comment but I can see how hurtful it came across.
debbie- those drugs sound brutal but sometimes I do still wonder about some extra protection...
Barb- sounds like you are in a good place emotionally about your body and scars which is very healthy and a strong stance - someday I hope to be there as well.
Diane- those cupcakes sound totally amazing! You truly must have some will power to make such fabulous treats and give them all away! But must make a ton of new friends!! Smart Girl!
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Claire- I somehow missed your post about your upcoming surgery. I don't know that much about DIEP. What exactly do they do during the second stage and why does it cause you to be so swollen? I'm glad it's a short surgery but sounds like a tough recovery. Just remember we are ALL in your pocket that day and every day. Hope all goes well and helps move you forward. (((hugs)))
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Kate glad you and your hubby had such a great day! You both deserve the break from all things icky.
Claire I will be thinking of you on Thursday..oddly I have my gyn appointment that day so I wont be thinking of you from 10-1130 am
but the rest of the day its nothing but positive vibes sending your way on a smooooooth surgery!! Stanzie..by the time I finish baking and frosting I have licked so much batter and frosting I am sick to my stomach and happy to give them away. I did eat one mini..without frosting...someone has to make sure they taste good
Maddie thanks for the tip! I love lavendar, I personally feel like a little bit wont hurt. Plus my hair needs a little help post chemo.
UGH three more days of hell before this deadline passes and I am off work for the next two months!! I cant wait!!!
Hope you all are having a lovely evening.
Diane
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Hi cmbear- I hope the recipe helps - at the very least, the hair your sister does have will show a definite improvement. Please let me know if it works.
Kate- I was thrilled to hear you were having a good time. I had not seen a post from you for a few days, and was worried the oncologist had given you bad news, and you were a blithering wreck! I was really worried!! When do you see the oncologist? Good luck.
DiDel - I was so thrilled to hear the surgeons are going for a more conservative approach before they did a hysterectomy. I am soooo hoping it helps the pain enough to avoid losing any more bits!! Glad you liked the recipe.
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Maddie- I still haven't gotten any news but they warned me it could take 2 weeks so this is week #1. I'm trying not to focus on it since it's out of my control. Of course, every little symptom has me running to the computer to see if it means anything. I think I'm turning myself into a loon!
Diane- Hope your appointment goes good and you managed to get through this crazy week of work! Wish you could slip your clients some Valium or something!
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Kate, that sounds like the perfect end to a glorious day!! My DH and I used to go to a favourite hotel for special dinners, too. It made us feel like we were away. AND a gondola ride??? In Arizona? Just too, too perfect!!
Kate, Claire will be getting lipo to redistribute her fat and fill out wrinkles in her breasts. Lipo hurts like hell!! I had it under my arms with my breast reduction. It hurt more than anything else!
Diane, I just have to ask, what kind of GYNO appointment takes from 10 to 11:30 to finish????
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See the surgeon today. I am anxious to hear what he has to say about the black areas. He repied to the email they will have to heal by secondary intention. I am finding that I seem to be isolating myself more and more. My hero husband said I always do that after a surgery. I think I am weary and tired of all of it today. But much I know to be grateful for. Just weary and the Aromasin is really really affecting my mood and I have nausea most days and joint and muscle pain. So I know that is not helping. Would so love to have a surgery and one time not have issues. But what a dreamer I am. I guess one of my exchange surgeries did not have complications and moving the areolas. Okay so three out of eight isn't bad ha! I need to not complain. I am getting there even if it is very slow and with many complications and set backs. Sorry
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Good luck today hopeful!! We are all anxious to know if the black areas are healing sites or boogie sites. Please let us know as soon as you hear. We'll be in your pockets with you, holding your hand and ready to leap out and smack your doc upside the head if he says "Why didn't you tell me?"!!!!!
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Hopeful- sending you VERY positive thoughts your way!!! Hope he is able to put your mind at ease....
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Thanks so much Barbe and Stazie!!!! You both made me smile. And I haven't done a lot of that lately. I need to give myself a kick in the rear and say wake up!! You are so blessed quit with the pity party! Thanks for your encouragement.
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ok, there's just too much for my addled mind to remember.. claire, thinking good thouughts, and lighting a candle for you today.. its okay, if the swelling lasts awhile, i live everyday witha big waist.. (my own fault) but yours WILL go down.. the imp thing is you heal from the surgery.. its a tough one, i know a few people who've done it, with great results.. got a package today, but have to pick it up at the post office.
Kate: your anniversarry sounds heavenly!!i'm so glad the rain held off for you, and it was a mGICAL EVENING.
IM SICK again, WITHA PSDENOMIS INFECTION, IN THE SINUS, WHERE ITS COL;ONIZED.. WE'LL JUST HAVE TO LEARN TO PEACEFULLY EXIST, i GUESS..
i SAW MY ONCO TODAY, AND SHE GAVE ME THE ALL CLEAR, BUT ALSO IS CONCERNED WITH MY OVARIES.. SET UP AN APPT WITH A sorry gyn that spec after cancer. i told her, she could take them out, and then i wouldn't worry. she offered to do the estrogen/testerone test , but said, being an onco my ins will only pay for the estrogen part.. the gyn can get it all done.. so, that's what we'll do..
she doesn't like my GP: he's worthless, he spec as a cardio and ended up my gp cause the other one died..he tells me all the time, im gonna die if i don't take tamoxifen.. the onco said she was tired of it, and SHE called her friend, who does GP for older women, in particular.. so, things are looking up..
she cried with me about Marybe: she knew all about her, even talked to marybes' dr. and offerred to see her if there was a problem while she was in Fla.. Marybe was loved, even by ple she never met!!!
i thank you girls for letting me greive however it i gotta.. its NOT something that'll disappear in a few days, and i think of all the losses i've had in 2-3 yrs, and they add to the load, i'm sure...
I just know she's with us, in spirit.. and im looking to see how many women will post cards, pics, thoughts on the "in memory of Marybe " thread on sept. 16th. they're having something then in ohio, and i thought it would be nice, if we did it then, here..a thought.. actions, not words.. that was what Marybe was about.
i've gone on too long, but i wanted to clarify: i creid GOOD tears, when my hubs said IF ya gotta wear a wig.. i LOVE a redhead, not a blonde... he's the best.. and cupcakes!(but not as good as yours, Diane)......3jays..
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