Great saying about depression
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Just sent a PM to the Mods letting them know there seems to be a glitch with posting. Hope they can get it resolved.
Claire- Funny, I was just thinking about Mary, too. I was going through my music on my phone and came across her songs. She had such a great voice! Wish I could have heard her sing in person. I still can't believe she's gone.
Debbie- It says a lot about what kind of mom you are that your DS can be so empathetic and that he's strong enough to let you lean on him for once. I know you feel bad breaking down in front of him but it shows him you are human. I thought it was very touching.
Carol- Thanks for the info on the genetic testing. I appreciate it. I haven't heard of the BART before. I will have to ask them about that. I had originally thought there wasn't any reason to do the testing. I didn't realize about the results and possible oophorectomy. (I do have 2 sisters but both said they weren't interested in knowing. Guess they'd rather stick their heads in the sand!) They did tell me that if my DS has the gene he is at a higher risk for prostate and pancreatic cancer. Who knew? So much to learn about once again!
Hopeful- Sorry! Guess I misunderstood what you were saying.
I think it's true that we all move through this at different rates of speed, with different stops and starts, because there's so many factors going on. It's physical, emotional, psychological and even spiritual at times. And I don't think any of those areas escape completely unscathed through this whole process. We all come out changed from this. In some ways better and in some ways worse. No one should ever feel they have a timeline, though, for moving through it all. And who, really, can say "OK, I'm "done" now!" I just know, for me, don't stick a fork in me yet because I'm not even close!
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sweet dreams ladies
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hey girls, yeah, i'd love to read "dog Tails"lol i ended up with one of the BEST dogs i've ever had, i was cleaning for a gal i knew, and she had a min pin.. (her son teased him so he wasn't very compainonable).. but,I felt i needed to pick upo his toys from the cage, and clean it.. so, at first, he kinda got "dumped " out of his cage.. keys, pencils., all that you guys said.. he was a real sneak!!!
after about two months of that, Carol told me he knew the day i'd come, and go around the house, stealing everything.. he's get out of his cage by then, and watch me put everything away..
Eventually, we made friends, and he'd sit in the window on "my day" waiting for me. I'd take a break, and walk him n his leash.. noone in the house did, and i felt sorry for him.. when she moved, (same situation we have now) she offerred him to me. told me he preferred me to anyone else, and it was a $1200.00 deposit for a dog where she was going. we took him, and he was a wonderful friend to me for like 10 years.. he got cancer, but hung in for a long time.. i had an agreement with the vet.. when he no longer could jump on the couch, bc it was too painful, i had him put to sleep.. nearly broke my heart.. but i believe they trust us to take care of them, and to take care of them in the end, as well...
I still can cry thinking about "tubby man" named bc the cancer made him swell to a large size..
enough of that!!!Kare, have them ck with your ins to see if its covered.. i had the test done, only after the onco said they'd cover it 100%because every woman on my moms side had bc...anf i came up neg.. i did it to see how careful my neice had to be..
i think we all swam in the same lake that dumped hops in the water.. remember millers.. brewed on the beautiful "lake chachituate" its slogan in the 50's.. no regulations then.. everyone who had bc had swum there.. my neice never had.. we think it was enviromental, and we "watched " my cystivc breasts for years...
anyway, i also think MDA is the way to go.. they have the best reputation. Marybe had an onco who would do a consult over the phone with her, and never charged her a penny for it!!!
speaking of her, I hear ya, justa girl.. but, we have to remember, she fought this beast for sooo long.. first, a lumpectomy, but no follow upo: then, 12 yrs later, stage 4 with multiole mets; and she fought that for 12 years!!I say hurrah for her.. her life was changing, and she didn't like that a bit.. so, I miss her, but I know she's happy, and can still see switzerland from where she is.
i found a pic today, and thought of her.. every year, around Halloween, she's mail my hubs "peeps" i kept telling her, we could get them here, and her answer was "but NOT from ME.. i'll post the pic in another post..we both laughed and cried together today, when i found it on photobucket..see ya lter..3jays
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can't find where i put it.. but i'll send it later, when i do.. im coloring my hair, what little there is, doesn't have to be gray...3jays0
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Kate, Glad you have good doctors close to home. As hard as it is to stretch out the uncertainity, it's good to have doctors that leave no stones unturned. I had genetic testing as there are five of us women cousins that have breast cancer. One oncologist thought it wasn't necessary, the other thought it was. The insurance company sent a letter saying they wouldn't pay for it the same week that they paid the bill. I only had the BRAC test (was negative) and the company is holding the sample to see if they can work out something with the United Healthcare down the road for the BART. The genetic counselor we saw was very helpful.
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Good morning buds. It just hit me as I woke up today feeling lighter. For me is all about hope. Today for the first time, in a long time, I am ashamed to admit, I am feeling hope. As I looked out the kitchen window and saw a tree begin it's dance from green to red it made me think of the cycle we go through after diagnosed with breast cancer. We start fresh and healthy (however that is defined for each of us) and then we hear the words you have breast cancer. It begins slowly this dance to red because we are numb with shock and disbelief. Then the dance speeds up as the leaves all turn, to the point of surgery, treatment, recovery and the realization of how our lives have changed. The deep places as we begin to confront our mortality, our changed body images, our changed relationships ..... our branches are bare. Then the slow journey back up. The buds of hope. The unfurling of tiny fresh bright green leaves as we step out back into living. Then one day the dance is complete the leaves are all displayed as a canopy of beautiful green. We have come full circle. And we just like the tree will go through these cycles over and over. And depending where we are will determine the length and depth of each cycle.
It takes hard work not to give up and sink down further and further. And each of you have found your own way to keep that from happening. And when it does you have found the courage to reach back up and out.
My healing after the debridment is very slow. The open area of the areola where he cut away the dead tissue is not infected and for that I am very thankful. Twice a day dressing changes for a long time I am afraid. My hope is that it will heal now without any further complications. This one really brought me to my knees. I just couldn't believe one more time I was dealing with complications. But my hero husband has held me as I cried and let me vent when needed. And my dear friends here have encouraged and cared. So today I step out.
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Hopefulhealing that was a lovely post. Be hopeful for your areola, without the dead tissue to deal with, the healing should go better, right? I had my mastectomy August 1st, but ended up in emergency surgery on the 23rd, because after three weeks with the D drain, they finally pulled it on the 21st, but told me the concern was fluid around the implant. I guess no shock that two days later the dead tissue on the incision below my nipple (which they were trying to save) gave, and began leaking lymphatic fluid. Lucky for me, my plastic surgeon was available, and 45 minutes after I saw his PA, I was sitting in the staging room for the OR, getting ready for surgery. After they took out the dead tissue, and washed out around the TE, it has been healing like a champ, and is almost closed completely. Good luck with yours, I am sending you healing prayers.
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Debbie, have a good talk with your docs. I see both sides. I think I was TOO medicated when I went through my cancer. I was very blase about the whole thing and dealt beautifully with it!! Went back to work 2 1/2 weeks after my double mast and as it was through the Christmas/New Year gap I wasn't really missed so it wasn't a big deal. Then worked on as usual. It was only when I reduced my meds last year that I started to crack. So I think I didn't really FEEL the effect until last year!! So, you don't want to be TOO medicated, but breaking down in front of your son when you DIDN'T want to (it's not a bad thing, but I know what you mean) shows that you are on the edge. I like the saying "If you're not on the edge, you're taking up too much space" but sometimes when you're too close to the edge you can feel the heat from the fires below!!!! So my point is, maybe you need a gentle hand (pharmaceutically) right now to take you through a stressful time and break the depression cycle. Then you will learn how to avoid it if it starts to haunt you again, or at least have some help if you have to dip that low again.
Good luck, sweetie!
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hopeful: lovely post. I just wish I could keep my green leaves on!
I am willing you and shockd2bher healing wishes - wish I was a fairy and could just scatter healing dust.
barbe: thanks - will take your advice on board. I do good a lot of the time, but like now, when things that aren't good to me multiply, I crash and burn. Right now my 3 slipped discs feel like they have slipped more or I've just done too much, sciatic hurts on one side or another, still get migraines and my son came home from uni last Saturday and told me his two housemates were flippin pigs and he had to move out of the squalor t he end of the semester. My son has struggled with anxiety and depression from me having BC and after therapy and starting on anti-depressants, he finally got it together after a year and is pulling top grades at uni. The thought that two slobs might interfere with what he is working to attain just pisses me off. I know one of the boy's Mums, and she isn't the tidiest one around but who knew. Anyway, that upset me that someone would upset my boy. I know he's days from turning `19 and here they are an adult at 18, but he is still my boy! So, this nice summer break he and I were looking forward to will now be full of dashing the 1 1/2 hour the city to look at endless apartments, as the university he attends has no on-campus housing (normal for here). I haven't even got to thinking about the costs. I'll just tell Jerry to settle down and I'll do the best I can. Yikes, does anyone else feel like they are leaking money now-a-days? It just goes so fast and I have always thought of myself as a thrifty person. Why pay a hairdresser to colour my hair when I can plop a box of stuff on for $8.......
Anyway, guess all this takes my mind off of BC and the medical aspect. All in all, I think I am still ok, but my mind still goes to terrible places with worry of little mutant BC cells somewhere in my body waiting to grow...so I starve them by taking the Femara which gives me such alarming hot flashes I can run around in shorts and a tank top in winter! Summer in the oven, here I come.
Barbe and hopeful: I know my feelings cycle, but it seems like the lows are getting lower and oftener and the nice mellows and goods are short lasting. Guess everyone missed my 'Pollyana Memo' to be nice to each other!
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OMG I feel like I have been gone for weeks. Lots to catch up on. Love the naughty dog stories. Our little stinkers. I swear too Sadie (cat) sets up Charlie to take the fall a lot but the cupcakes were all him...although Sadie did seem to sit back and enjoy him getting in trouble. Barbe when Charlie stands on two legs he is almost as tall or short as me. I am 5'1", I just dont understand of allllll the cupcakes I made he has never even seemed interested in them. I think the smell of pumpkin was just too overwhelming.
Kate I agree to stick with MD Anderson. I think its great that they are pushing forward with a PET scan. Think of the peace of mind this will bring you.
Debbie I am sorry you have been so down very touching that your son was really there for you and so strong for you.
Stanzie KUDOS to you for standing up in what you truly believe in...its great to have that passion and not be afraid to stand up for it.
Hopeful - I am sorry you keep dealing with set backs but I hope you are done and continue to heal. I agree with Shockd a very lovely post.
I am still catching up on my sleep from the Madonna concert Monday which was AWESOOOOMMMEE. My sister and i were 8 rows back and I only hope that I look as good as her when I am 54. She was amazing and really put on a show. She is the QUEEN of pop...seriously no one compares...and she does indeed sing live the entire show...no tapes. I was exhausted watching her move.
I hope everyone has a peaceful evening...sleep...morning depending on where in the world you are.
Good night sweet ladies
Diane
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Just want everyone to know how much you mean to me. I come on here multiple times during the day and read--dont always post, but I do read. But I keep finding myself gravitating to surfing the other threads and spending WAY to much time thinking, worrying and breathing BC. So yesterday on FB, a fellow BC sister from my July Chemo 2010 thread told us of a sister on that thread that passed on Sept 20. I hadn't stayed in touch but after going back and reading that thread again, I remembered what a bright light she was. It made me sad that I let that friendship go and wasn't there to help her in the end. Or me. I'm just getting overwhelmed my the people in my life that have been struck by cancer and the many we have lost recently. Part of me needs to step away and refocus. I know its a part of me but I am worried I have let it consume to much of me. I'm sad. I'm tired of being sad. I want my old life back--which I know aint going to happen--but I would be happy to get a life back that doesn't reek of BC. Big sigh. Meanwhile, I'm off to my GP for my 3 month blood work checkup. Next week I see my MO and will get a chest xray and Dexa scan. ick.
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Claire, sadly, as we all have had BC threaten our lives, and have such a major impact within - well, I think it's just become part of my norm to think and worry about BC.
Losing a friend to BC, or any type of cancer, or just having a friend die, makes me face the reality every single time that for me death is permanent. I keep saying 'me' as I don't want to be out of line and assume what the rest of you think and feel. It makes me wonder what would life be like for my husband and son without me. It worries me that I would be putting them through the fires of hell with my dying. Then I kick myself in the ass (mentally) and say 'stop it!'.
From time to time I do stop writing here, and usually I am here or on about Femara, but I don't stop reading. I sometimes stop when I am depressed or when I'm feeling like I am putting BC behind me. But reality is, BC will always be somewhere in the corner of my mind.
Now I consciously allow myself, when these feeling come up, to feel and think for 15 minutes or 30 minutes and then I say, heck, I'm not letting BC take away any more of my life or time and that usually gets me going again.
Unfortunately Claire, with you finding out about the loss of your friend, and dealing with your own recovery and now going the rounds with the GP for blood tests and MO for more testing, how could you not be thinking about BC?
Personally, I totally get how you are feeling and especially the sadness. What I do now at night before bed is make a short list of a few things I want to get done the next day. This gives me a goal and direction. Now if I wake up and my back hurts or I just want to lie in bed and read my book, I say so be it and that's what I do. But if I feel physically ok, getting up and out and doing things helps me. My accomplishments make me feel less sad and brighter.
I think for all of us, we were just going through our lives, day by day and WHAM BANG, we have Breast Cancer and our whole world tilts. It's physical, mental and emotional. It involves us, our loved ones and those close to us. And many of us have realized who are true friends really are.
It's a biggie. Maybe that's why I digress here and ramble on about my silly dog or my garden adventures. Trying to share with all my dear friends here that we can have a life too once again..............
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Debbie, you're doing some good journalling here, did you realize that??? I don't know if your "lows" are really lower or you are just feeling them compiling. Being overwhelmed by "crap" can feel like it's worse, but maybe it's just the usual crap but in multitudes. Does that make sense to you? Medication can help you not feel the low lows, but I caution, it can also not allow you to feel the high highs.... Something that would gently hold you off the bottom would be nice, right? How mature of your son to know he has to move!!! This is a GOOD thing, sweetie!! A hassle, but a very good sign that he knows what's good for him!! It will NOT take your whole summer, you will find a great place quickly and snap it up and not take weeks to decide. He will have some buddies move him and everyone will be in a better space. I know this to be true!
Claire, a number of our members' deaths have sent me into tail spins. Elizabeth (Konakat) was the worst, and I've been on disability since the day after she passed! There were others in-between, like MBJ, but Marybe's was my most recent. My DH and I were to go down and show her what a Canadian Thanksgiving was like! She didn't know we celebrated it!! Now she is gone...sigh. But I do find I recovered quicker from her passing as my meds are less and I'm processing properly. Not to say I miss her any less, but I'm reacting properly. That's part of what I was saying about medication to Debbie, that you have to be careful how much you take. I think my GP was more upset at my cancer diagnosis than I was and just filled me up!! I feel more like me NOW than I did before! Doesn't make it any easier though.....ehehehhehehee
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Ladies lets live with intent today. However we want to shape it. Lets not let BC keep us from smiling, laughing and having hope.
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hopeful, I smile and laugh, but hope is the one I have trouble with. How do you get around that?
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I don't always do a good job with it Barbe. And lately with the side effects of the Aromasin in the beginning that were so debilitating and this last surgery and all the complications it was hard. I have really struggled with it. I look at the pictures of my two grandsons. I look at pictures of my kids. I think about how tenderly and completely my hero husband has loved me through this. I think of my mantra "maintain the honesty of the journey" I think about my other thought that is constant "how do I want to write my story today" At times when I am weeping I reach out to my higher power and say carry me.
I like all of us, keep trying. I try to start the day with thanksgiving. Sometimes if I am being a b the list is short even when it should be long because I don't open my eyes to the "reality" of what is good in my life. And it is alot. And not looking at it from any standpoint of what our world tells us is good, but what I know in my heart matters. Love of family and friends. Shelter, having needs met, etc. I struggle like all of us. But I will NOT let this deprive me long term of what I have right in front of me. And that is my life, while not what I envisioned it to be, because of bc and what it has done to my body and sense of well being, but the life that I can decide to lead. So it is simple. I just keep trying. I really want to do this with grace and class. I want to have my children know the honesty of the journey and ALL the emotions entails but look at how I make this journey and be proud and learn from it.
I know more now than ever it is not how many friends I have but truly the depth, sincerity and loyalty of those who are a part of my life, when it is ugly and hard and when it is going smoothly and seemingly easy. That was a difficult and painful lesson learned because of this journey. But one that will serve me well in the long run.
My best friend of over 37 years who was diagnosed with bc a year before me brought me a plaque that simply said HOPE on it. She said I saw this and thought oh that is so you. I have it in my kitchen and see it everyday throughout the day. It helps to focus on that simple word.
So Barbe, my friend, sorry this is long and rambling but that is how I try.
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Thanks hopeful, that does help focus. I know that JOY and HOPE are the two driving forces to stay mentally healthy. I find joy in everyday things, like new fabric for sewing, a squirrel chittering away in the yard, my cat being funny or a good sunset. Stuff like those are my "Oh God" moments that I try to have at least once a day. Sometimes it will get late and I'll actually think "Oh, I haven't had my Oh God moment yet" and I will actively look for one. It's not hard really. So joy I can get. But hope to me is future and I just don't know what it will be. I mean, none of us know, but I have SO much medical crap going on it's just boggles my brain! Now that I have a pacemaker, will I last longer than I should or was supposed to???? Little things like that eat away at me.
I kept my cancer low-key for family and friends so it wouldn't add to their concerns. I think that might have been a boo boo because no one knows the depth of fear I live in. Is that what you mean when you say the "honesty of the journey"?
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Barbe to me "maintaining the honesty of the journey" is exactly as you thought. On commercials in October and stars that share their diagnosis -all you see for the most part are the smiles and the rah rah. They don't usually talk about the gut wrenching fear as you wait for your biopsy results, the tears that are shed sometimes gently sometimes in incredible weeping throughout the process. The sadness as you realize if you have had a mastectomy especially when it comes to feeling feminine or making love your your significant other. The lack of sensation. The slap in the face feeling as friends desert you. The difficulty at constant doctors appointments, both from a time stand point and financial standpoint. The shadow that is always there stronger at times than others but there as you approach your check up, labs or scans. All of those things. But it is also talking about the great love and support you experience from family, and friends if you are lucky. The things you learn about yourself as far as how truly courageous and strong you are. Your spirit of fighting back every set back. It is learning about yourself and what you are capable of. For me it was learning to be more patient and less judgemental among other things. It is the ability to share honestly all that it entails. While I do not let my children see the depths of my emotions usually I do share with them at times how I am feeling and why. I have shed tears in front of both of them. I have shared my fears and frustration at the complications and multiple surgeries all as a result of someone's mistake. They have seen my anger at what that has cost me. So it is not the darn pollyanna pink version, it is the real version. While I admire the stars coming forward I wish they did not feel they had to minimize or only show the side that is pollyanna pink. I do not think that serves the women that follow. Then the night they are weeping on the couch after they are home from surgery they will think, "I am not strong enough, or brave enough etc." As you can guess that example is what I felt. And that is not true. Having those emotions means we are working through all the needs to be done to come out on the other side of this. And that may mean NED forever or it may mean a reoccurrence. But at least it is done honestly. And allows us to have a sense of peace about it.
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hopeful, you have such a wonderful gift of writing. You can put into words what I can not even articulate. The false positiveness of providers and friends just makes me shrink back into my "turtle" shell. It is hard work to be present with our emotions all the time. I was talking to a friend the other day about how I am planning a trip before my first mammo since surgery and visit to BS so I can get out of here and think about other things besides docs and tests etc.., and she was like it's just a check up right?
That is why it is so important to be able to be on this site and go through this journey with others on the same (but different) path. Especially when (like I am) you do not have a "significant other" or "person" to share this with. I feel like I pay people to go through this process with me MH, PCP, acupuncture therapist, etc.... so that I can at least try to relate to people. LOL
I have been making some progress on business mattters. I have canceled workman's comp, gotten the credit card machine in the shop turned off, listened to all my phone messages (starting in July), reconciled the bank account, working on getting the 941s filed, so slowly moving toward some sort of resolution.
I woke up Sunday with elephant legs and feet. That was scary. I got in to see my PCP on Monday and she adjusted my bp meds and put me on another med to reduce fluids. (makes me pee a lot) So I am feeling better since that got resolved. Seems like one med leads to another med leads to another med............
I can't remember if I told you about my trip to the ENT doc. He was very straight forward, stuck a tube right down my nose and took a look around. He saw nothing abnormal. My vocal cords are good, no nodules, no sign of acid refex. (which I kept telling everyone) He had me get a CT scan of my sinuses. The radiation dept had an opening the same day, so I got that done and will call in 3 days for results. He said I might have a infected mucus plug stuck somewhere that could affect my lungs. (yuck) So I got that all done and now more waiting. I got to pick a friend up at the airport later that day and she drove a very tired me home.
My DS is coming home today for two days. I can't believe how happy it makes me.
Feel the joy my friends, thanks for beeing here.
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Hi Kate - was the cousin with BC on your Mother or Father's side? My female cousin on my Father's side had BC, but they told me it was too far removed - possibly because it was lady??? If the genetic tests do show positive for the BC cancer gene, I would seriously question the need for an oopherectomy at your age. I was skimming through the articles, but you would be in menopause soon anyway. I found a great article -www.dslnf.org by Dr Susan Love of the Research Foundation. As far as my skimming allowed - sorry we are going out soon -it can be very beneficial in woman who have a long while to go to menopause. Don't let them take out anything they don't have to!!
Hopeful- I am so glad the areola is starting to heal a little bit. Big hugs!!
Debbie - your son sounds gorgeous. I am so glad he could be there for you, and I'll bet he is proud he could be there for you too. He will be a wonderful man if he can show so much compassion at this young age.
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Does ayone know what meds/supplements are no no's while on the once a week Vitamin D 50,000 units? My onc who put me on it didn't say anything.
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I dont think you are restricted with anything unless you are doing chemo then you cant do pretty much any supplements.
I take multivitamin B12 D3 and Biotin in hopes my hair grows thicker in the thin areas
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shockd2bhere I hope you continue to heal as well! My situation was that this started in 2009 in Dec. I am a failed NSM and these were recreated areolas and nipples from skin from my hips! It is so amazing what they can do. I was terrified I was losing the one and then my options would be very narrowed. So I am glad I see to be healing without infection at this point too! Thank you for your kind words.
Who knew we would be talking about tissue expanders, reconstructed nipples, tatoos! It kind of makes me smile and it kind of makes my stomach hurt.
Ok ladies as we enter the IN YOU FACE pink October which I truly dread in every way I personally want you to know I will probably have to vent a time or two. The funny thing is it hasn't shown any effect as far as increasing the rates of women going in for their mamos. So hopefully the money it does raise will go for good. I usually donate privately and do not buy the pink trinkets. I do respect those that wish to however. I do think if a product does not tell you how much is actually donated we shouldn't buy it. And if it is a really small amount pass it by and find a company that is willing to really make a difference. Okay see
I have started already ...... sorry And stand back if you ever say in my presence "Save the ta ta's" It continues the minimization (is that a word?) and makes it funny and cutsey. And this disease is not any of those things. People minimize it enough at times without throwing stupid words and representations of us as women. It is not about just saving breasts it is about saving lives. Why do we continue to allow womens bodies to be talked about like this. You would never see tee shirts saying "save the nuts" or "save the dicks" (sorry for the language), omg I better go have another cup of coffee. Sorry ladies I just get out of control over this. Deep breaths! Okay I probablly shouldn't vent about this here maatacmy I am glad you are getting things resolved at your business. It sounds like a tremendous amount of work. Good about the throat being clear. So what will they do about the mucous plug? Glad the diuretic is helping the swelling. How scary for you.
Ladies have a wonderful weekend.
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OK, girls, can someone throw me a line? I can't seem to crawl out of this dark hole I've been in all week! I'm mad and sad and tired but can't figure out the underlying cause other than feeling a bit disconnected from the world right now. Going through this "recurrence scare" (even though I know honestly it will turn out to be nothing) is bringing up all these past hurts for me of how my friends weren't there for me when I needed them most. I feel like it's some kind of crazy deja vu because if they didn't get it with the initial dx they sure don't get how scary it is to even think about recurrence. This dark cloud goes deeper than that, though. Maybe it's just getting older and starting to feel invisible in the world? Maybe this feeling of being disconnected would have happened anyway without throwing BC into the recipe? I know something has to change but can't seem to muster up the energy right now to make that happen. Tried to talk to my DH about it last night, and he is sweet, but I think he's just so tired of this ghostly apparition that used to be his wife.
Hopeful- I absolutely despise all that is pink and fluffy when it comes to BC. Honestly, most women who have had BC do, too (though I do see the occasional woman wearing one of those God awful t-shirts around town). Just yesterday I was bored so tried to find a t-shirt that wasn't pink, didn't have a ribbon on it, or some hideous artwork, or some inane saying on but no luck.
Just found this "event" on Facebook calling for a boycott of all the BC walks in October-
Breast Cancer Prevention Month Sit-In
The Breast Health and Healing Foundation along with the Champions for the Pink Vaccine are calling for a sit-in through the month of October, otherwise known as Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Women are urged to avoid partaking in breast cancer walks that do nothing but take your money for marketing and well-paid CEOs (much like the ones the Komen Foundation partakes in!). We urge you to donate to the one vaccine that can actually prevent breast cancer and stop this epidemic! Please donate to the Cleveland Clinic's Breast Cancer Fund for the development of the first preventive breast cancer vaccine and to BHHF to support research on the human mammary tumor virus.
So maybe there's hope out there!
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Kate I am so sorry you are in that place we have all been and so desparately want to escape when we are there. The fact that you are dealing with having to go through all that is involved to rule out a reccurrence brings back into play all the old fears, anxieties, feelings of being betrayed by those you thought would help carry you in the dark times who very cowardly ran away. The fact that you have had to deal with your hubby's illness can only compound all of this. And then throw in the in your face pink junk. We want to wake up and feel new and fresh and to be excited about the day. If our minds go to bc right away we are immediately robbed of a moment in time that should be renewing.
What do we do when we are in these places. We do what you are doing. We reflect, we reach out and we put take one baby step back out. I don't think you go to a support group. I have not gone in a long time because I was so nauseated from the Aromasin then the surgery in August and compications. But plan to go back in October. Kate I am NOT a support group or retreat type person, but I can't tell you how helpful it has been to be surrounded by women at all different stages in this process. I can help those just starting and gain wisdom and help from those who are farther out.
Take one moment and close your eyes. Envision who you are. Strong, beautiful inside and out, giving, smart and then be it. Because that is who you are. I am sending you many hugs and a shoulder.
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I'm being drug down by recurrence demons too - my blood work last week was worse than 6 mos ago for diabetes, bad & good cholesterol, plus my knees ache more - even when sitting, frequent headaches, sob - can't walk far at all, slight cough - - - - so of course, I'm self-diagnosing the worst possible scenarios and can't keep my mind away from it. The basic action that would alleviate all these things would be to lose weight. I'm 69 - why can't I lose weight? Why can't I stop eating sooner? Why do I eat things I know I shouldn't? Sometimes I think "What's the use of trying? I'm going to die anyway." I've never had that train of thought before and I'm wondering if cancer has caused this? This October I'm going to wake up every morning with F**K CANCER as my first thought and go to bed with F**K CANCER as my last thought. Maybe then I can concentrate more on improving my overall health.
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Mostlymom......I hear everything you are saying and have been where you are ,
emotionally, that is. I had the summer from hell, nausea, vomiting, two melt downs etc.
I never believed in anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds but when I went through menopause the first time, I was forced to take them....changed my life. This summer
a friend finally said "you look ill physically and emotionally, you are I'll also, PLEASE
see your GP".....I did. Now I am back on my old anti-depressant plus an anti-anxiety med, and again, changed my life. I very rarely have to take the anti-anxiety med, but
when I do, within 5 minutes I'm totally relaxed.
A long story to say basically that I never was one for taking "drugs" but now considering
what we have to deal with, physically and emotionally, I have no problems taking them
For a little QOL.
PS.....exercise does help a lot so I walk to my job every day and walk home. I also bought a treadmill which is beside my bed, so I either have to trip over it or just get on the dam thing.
I hope all this will pass for you. Perhaps speaking with your GP like I did will help also.0 -
Mostlymom......decided to continue here for a few more minutes, sorry. I meant to say , you are 69 and I am 65, and it's easy for us to say, "what the hell, we're going to die soon anyway" let's leave it to those young, brave women to fight for their lives, they have a lot of living to do.....WRONG....we also have a lot of living to do. Personally,
I want to be here to see my sons married and hopefully see a grandchild in my future.
I'm sure you can think of many things you want to live for and fight for. We are strong
women, all of us and we can continue to be strong, even us older ones.
Ok that's my ranting and "lecture" finished for today. I'm having lunch with two beautiful women today. One watched her husband die slowly of brain cancer last year and the other lost her mother to BC and a sister to another form of cancer. They are strong women like us and are continuing on with their lives because they also have many things to live for.
Over and out😍😍😍😍😍😍0 -
Maddie- Just realized I never answered your question! It wasn't a male cousin with BC but a Grandfather and I had a Grandma with BC as well. Still haven't heard from the genetic counselor but guessing it takes time to get it all approved by the insurance company. I did question the onco about needing to do the ooph since I'm in menopause. She told me that even after meno we can still be at a higher risk for ovarian cancer if we carry the gene. I am going to do LOTS of research, though, before agreeing to do the ooph.
Hopeful- Thank you for your wonderful post. It really helped to read it. I know this is just a little setback for all the reasons you listed. Yesterday I spent the day with my DS. His 16th birthday is on Wednesday and he's getting his driver's license (!!!) so he was my chauffeur for the day to get more driving in. Just having that "connectedness" helped so much to lift me out of my doldrums. The icing on the cake was when he told me later he had fun with me.
mostlymom- I think our thoughts are always going to go to the "dark side" when we have unexplained symptoms now. It's just the nature of the beast. But then I was talking to my sister, who doesn't and never has had BC, and she has just as many weird symptoms! We laugh and say, "We don't have cancer- we're just f'n old!" lol! I think all you can do is get things checked out one by one and then try to let it go. The losing weight thing is tough especially if we're feeling down because it's hard to get motivated to exercise. And when I'm down or stressed I reach for the absolutely worst foods for me. So I can relate to what you're saying!
Scottiee- Your comment about tripping over your treadmill or getting on the damn thing made me laugh!
Maybe that's my problem? Mine's upstairs in the rec room. Out of sight, out of mind..... 0 -
Scottiee - Like Kate, the picture of you tripping over the treamill or getting on made me laugh out loud this morning!
Kate33 - So sorry the dark hole is sucking you in, it seems to be spot that somehow reaches out and gets each of us from time to time. I think having to pay attention to every ache and pain is one of the hardest parts of having BC. For me, what helps me climb out one time doesn't always seem to work the next time so I think it is a lot of trial and error. Lately, I've had trouble figuring out the "Bad Guys" that seem to take me there. After my surgeries last year, staying on the computer too long seemed to make things worse. Now, coming to BCO seems to help! Years ago, when I was going through a difficult time with a lot of loss, I found when worries seemed to overwhelm me, I'd set aside some time to just deal with it (would even set a timer!). Ususally by the time the bell rang, my mind was off to other happier things. Other times, I'd have a plan of action with some steps I could take and that seemed to help me climb out of the black hole. Now, there are times I just put on a pair of the pretty pajamas that I bought last year, settle in on the couch, and watch funny (and mindless) TV. Last Friday, I got a good start on my new DVD with the third season of Modern Family! Maybe it is all the pink that is making it hard for all of us right now. I've declared a truce with pink this year as it seems to help others feel they are doing something to be supportive. Will let you know in November whether or not it works for me.
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