Great saying about depression
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There's a saying: If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.
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I too am looking forward to the end of this year and the start of a new one. I am finally feeling better and more like myself. I am not making any plans yet except to get stronger. And enjoy everyday.
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mac - sadly, but happily I am glad our thread is slower as that hopefully means we are coping with life's challenges better. Hip hip horray on your son's graduation. My son has 2 years to go.
Barb - this year coming has to be better, just has to be! I'm trying to be positive rather than negative.
My anti-anxiety med is helping and I'l feeling brighter and able to better handle the bumps in life, like looking in the city for a new place for my son to live before uni starts up again. It's the 1 1/2 hr drive into the city that gets me, and my DS is doing the driving! But it tires me out. And after being on our property, I'm not used to all the cars, noise and people - I feel sandwiched in. Like I can't breathe.
I truly don't think I could of made it this far without the help of all of you. Each of you have a special place in my heart. I think when I was diagnosed with BC, it not only took my breasts, but more so, my energy and love of life. Part of me is back, and I sure don't miss my breasts like I miss being just ME!
Merry Christmas - Happy Hanukkah
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Stanzie - glad your paper and talk went well. I knew it would and had been thinking about you and how it was going.
I have been away for awhile as my DH isn't doing well and I am in a "funk" just come home from work and take a nap then do nothing for awhile. My arm and elbow are responding well to physical therapy, but the weather changes are making them hurt. Haven't been able to get any energy to do anything for holiday decorations, but DH doesn't care and it is just the 2 of us so don't really care either. My Mother just moved to retirement center near me but already has found a very active social life and is having friends of hers for Christmas dinner while I am at work at the hospital.
Must go call a friend to see if she can go with me to a dinner that I paid for my DH to go to and he is being not social with shortness of breath and weakness. Hope a new pulmonologist can get him going again.
Holidays are depressing for me in lots of ways. Will try to get out of it and make the best of things.
Hugs to everyone.
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Hello Ladies!!!
Mac love the pic of your pooch watching the Dog show...so cute
Delilah so glad your responding well the PT and sounds like your mom is in a good place. I am sorry your hubby is not well and that you got the holiday blues. Maybe if you put just a few decorations out it will lift your spirits. Hugs to you. Hope you found someone to go with you to dinner and that she was designated driver so you could enjoy an adult beverage.
I had my every other year MRI Monday and my BS appointment today to discuss the results. I am beyond happy to say my BS said my MRI was perfect that there wasnt even a speck that concerned him. Then I pointed out the lump I discovered in my armpit this morning after shaving for the first time in a month and he said my nodes werent up that high and that it was a clogged sweat gland...wheeeeeewwww. LOL semi embarassing but I will take it. 6 month mammo in July...I can breath
I think about you ladies often and so grateful for each of you. I wish you lots of love and laughter and good health this holiday season!!!
Love to all
Diane
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FABULOUS news Diane!! Keep up the good work! You can enter 2013 with a clear bill of health. That HAS to feel good.
Delilahbear, my heart goes out to you. Don't put up ANYTHING as even a tiny bit will be like rubbing salt in a wound. There is enough out there if you need to get into the spirit. We stopped decorating the year my Dad died 2005, but are just now starting to decorate again. My DH hates the process of up and down for the pre-lit tree and I just can't bend and lift anymore so we have a small coffee table tree with lights. It makes the room cheery and we did some dollar-store decorations on a fir bush/tree out front. That's it. I HATE Christmas decorations after Jan 1st, so this will be quick and dirty. I do LOVE Christmas lights tho.....sigh....just love them!! We get snow sometimes in time for Christmas and it's just so pretty with the colours on the pure white snow.
But Christmas spirit? Nope, not quite. Money continues to be an issue, but our kids are doing well, so that is enough for us!!
Peaceful Holidays to all and to all a good night.
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I am finally committing to Christmas. Just put the pumpkins in the compost pile. I was sending a mixed message with the Christmas (outside) lights that my DS had put up when he was home for Thanksgiving and the pumpkins and mums still out there from the fall. I am moving just a little slower than before.
Debbie so glad you are feeling more like yourself. Me too!!!!!! What fun looking for a place for your son. My kids are out on their own now. What they think is a decent place to live can leave me with the shivers. But when I was their age I was living that way, too. Enjoy the time with your DS.
Diane, great news. a sigh of relief!!!
Delilah, do what is right for you! I hope your DH new doc can fix him up.
Happy to see some people here!
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sounds like overall we are coming to the end of this year after riding through all the tests and worries and have weathered it. We are a strong group of women, yes we are!
Mac, looking for an apartment for my son has not been fun at all, and it's not my son's fault. Unless I can blame him for being 19 and a uni student. No one in this city with numerous universities wants to rent to uni students as they think they will be destructive, loud and not pay. My DS has a touch, no, quite a bit of OCD in him, but his anxiety'/antidepression medication that he has been on after not being able to deal with my BC, does help him. Well, he is neat to the point of sometimes driving me nuts and tidy and clean. If I am nice and change his sheets while he is home, I try and do it when he isn't around as he used to get a ruler to make sure the sheet and blanket hung over the side equally. I used to try and tell him I'm a nurse who had to pass 'bed making 101' and I've been doing this about 50 years, all to no avail. At least that issue is better with him now, but there is no way he would not respect his environment. Finally I had to all out lie, and I didn't like doing it, but had to say I was sharing the two bedroom apartment with him and living there full time to get him the place. But DS is going to bring in a room mate, who will pay weekly rent, and the lease I signed doesn't allow that either so this young man or woman will be a 'visitor'. I hate hate hate having to do this but DS has been share housing with two slobs and my son is only comfortable in is dinky dark room and that's not healthy. But, a Mum has to do what a Mum has to do.
If BC has taught me anything, it's to step up and go, and not look back.
My wish to all of you is a big Thank You for helping me through this year. There is a place in my heart for each and every one of you!
Barb - money doesn't buy happiness, and you have happiness, but I realize it makes things easier. My special wish for you is for you to maintain your health, as that is one thing money can't buy.....or love!
Delilabear - you are handling all things well. Christmas is actually a very depressing time for many. Comfort your husband but keep doing what you need for yourself too. The better you are, the better you are to support your DH.
Diane - so happpppy you got an all clear! Now your can bake your holiday cupcakes with out a cloud of worry hanging over you!
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Thanks everyone for the good thoughts. Another PT session today - a bit sore but everything is progressing. I did get a "date" for my dinner - one of my good friends who I don't see enough of. She is not real social and I thought it would be good for her to get out of the house, plus she knows some of the people who will be there. Don't really indulge in the adult beverages so designated driver not a problem.
Great news for you, Diane. Good for the holidays you got it now.
My heart goes out to all of the families affected by the Conn. shooting today. What is this world coming to with all of the violence directed towards innocents. It is becoming frightening.
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Here is wish worth passing on:
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."
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OOOoooh pt!!!!! Those words are pretty much how I've been living these last couple of years!!! I can't believe it! It's like I wrote them!!!
I refuse to watch or read the news. I cannot process someone else's grief and loss so I just ignore it all. I have my own shit to deal with and that is enough for me. 9/11 brought me to my knees and taught me to turn off the TV and don't read the papers. I have to protect ME.
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barbe - your last post really puts into perspective how devastating the behavior in the US has become. It is all so senseless. We will never know what drives people to such behavior. I, for one, can not understand tose whohave so little to no value of life. They truly are either sick or evil or both.
hope everyone is having a good weekend and are keeping the dark thoughts at bay.
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Oh, I have been so sad about the children in CT. Just sad, sad , sad.
Deb, I am sorry you had to compromise your honesty, securing housing for your son. You are right, we do what we gotta do.
I had to be a cosigner on my son's lease, but he is alot older and got a place with two friends, after living alone for the first time in his life last year. Now, of course, I hear about the roomate"s behavior all the time. LOL I tell him it sounds like when he is home for a while, the dishes pile up, the clutter expands etc.... He will be home again the end of the week, just for a week. Who wants to hang with mom for new year's eve?
Hope everyone has a good night's sleep.
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Delilah, I got that off Facebook (obviously I didn't make it up) but my sister, who has lived in the US for the past 30 years, tells me that the stats are about 31 years old, from when Regan got shot. Can you imagine how high the numbers would be today!!! AND that is just handguns and doesn't include the semi-automatic rifles and shotguns in use today....sigh.
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Thanks for the well wishes everyone!!
I too have been sad these past few days. I applaud the courage and quick actions of the teachers and the strength and love of the commuity of Sandy Hook.
Its been hard to watch the coverage as seasoned journalist fight back the tears.
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hi glas: im so sorry that I haven't checked in.. very ill for a bit, with bacterial infections. got out of the hospital just in time to close on our new place.. its done.. BUT: we had soo much trouble getting the old owner to move we ended up doing most of his packing.. drove a bunch an hour away and dropped it off: he finally is gone on xmas eve!!!
I started cleaning there yesterday, pretty hard still with my leg gashed open from surgery but getting there. No help in sight for moving so were slogging along..
Not even from the son who's here. We need to be IN by the 1st and OUT here or pay 2 rent/mtg so we'll be working straight thru..
I've been mega depressed but since i have "agitated depression" although i'm on edge, i can't sleep so working round the clock.. Just have to try to get my attitude improved!
Tommorrow Morn i will spend it with my kids and grands. THATS all that matters to me. We dropped off my grands PJs last night. we always give them a special pair to wear every yr while they wait for Santa.. My beloved Fish (GS) brought me out 3 pair from his bedroom from yrs past.. I was shocked! How he even remembers is beyond me!! At least, my goal is accomplished with him.. to build Memories with his nana and Christmas.. we see them so seldom, but its still special to him.. makes my heart so happy.
I want you to know i've been thinking of you all, even if i've not been here.. quit even cking my email for awhile..
BUT : a new Year begins soon and with it, hopes for a better one..Each one counts!
Happy Holidays to those i missed at Hannuacha, and a Merry Christmas to All.....3jays
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Hi Ladies - Merry Christmas!!! Sorry I meant to say this before the 25th, but am due to have my TE out in January, and was researching my options. Thanks for the card 3jays - it is gorgeous! What an awful move for you when you are already feeling sick. I hope you infection clears up soon.
Barbe - America has nothing on South Africa on the gun stats line! Those stats could be for a week in South Africa.
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3jays: wishing you a healthier New Year. So glad you are in your new home, all your work with be worth it. I know I could do with an attitude adjustment once in a while, like most of the time, too! Beautiful card! Clever
Maddie, good luck with whatever you decide after your TE's come out. A bit of advice, just do what is the easiest, safest and best for you. Don't let yourself be talked into anything! I'm glad I had my LD flap when I had my DM as I sure didn't need a silicone implant rupturing through fried tissue and muscle from the BC radiation treatments!
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Maddie, Africa is a nation at war. They NEED the guns. We don't in North America.
3jays, I too, am VERY impressed at the depth of memory you have given Fish!!! That is the kind of link I want with my grandsons!!! If you are like me, you will work like a dog to get into your new place and then collapse for a couple of months. When I closed down my 3,000 sq ft store I did it ALL in ONE day. My step-son who was about 22 at the time said he'd never worked harder in his life!! We got everything down and distributed and packed into a storage unit in one day. Then I spent the next 3 months in bed!!! I don't even remember most of it....
I am pleased this year that I didn't get as "blue" as I normally get during the holidays. I thank you all for that!!! My DH bought me a present for the first time in over 10 years. A box of Ferreria Rocher (sp?) chocolates. Sad, but sweet. I'll take it....
We don't see anyone else until the 28th at my brothers. So many of us work(ed) retail that we celebrated AFTER boxing day!! Working on boxing day meant getting up at 4 am, so it really ruined Christmas Day! I have made all the gifts for the kids this year and they picked out their favs. I can't wait to present them with their choices! Everyone is getting their #1 pick! No one (out of 7) picked the same #1!!
Surely 2013 can ONLY be better than 2012??? I will be SO happy to see the ass-end of this year!!!!!!!
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I so agree with you barbe. 2012 was a tough one!
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My DH and I just finished a box of Chips Ahoy Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies for dinner! I love that he thinks like a girl! hehehehehehee
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Hi all, just checking in and I agree that 2013 has to better.
barbe, have a great time with your family! Now I am hungry for cookies.
Actually this year I made Christmas cookies. I went over to a friend's house and we made 4 different kinds. I have never given myself the time to devote an afternoon to baking before. It was fun and the results were tasty.
My DS is here for a few more days. I am enjoying the company.
Hope everyone gets a good night's sleep!
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Hello ladies! I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday. Merry Christmas to all and here's hoping 2013 is finally our year!
My holiday absolutely sucked...I hate my family and will never waste another ounce of energy trying to do something with them. I have sworn with my sister that next year we are going on vacation. I swear I have had it with my other sisters and my parents absolutely had it..sorry I know it sounds bad but I have not even spoken to anyone in days cause I am just so depressed. I am tired of always spending holidays alone and thought this one would be different.Christmas eve I had nothing to do most of my friends go out of state for the holiday or have their own family. I cleaned and prepped in anticipation of my twin sis and her kids for brunch. I got up at 6am to start cooking..quiches, french toast, bacon, hash browns, biscuits. That was fine except they come over rip open presents dont even wait for me to be settled and trash all over the place. As soon as they eat they all get up leaving me to clear the table and clean the kitchen..on top of my mother asked me to bring ...a ham (12lbs and $35) Au Gratin Potatoes (5lbs of potatoes to peel and slice) and 2lbs of Steamed shrimp (devane and steam and expensive) and dessert (Hot fudge pudding cake) I literally cooked and cleaned for two solid days all alone in my house. Xmas eve my sisters went to my dads which we have done since we were 13..xmas eve with dad...xmas with mom...both painful but once they divorced that is what we did. Well since I havent spoken to my father in 2 years I choose to not be around him therefore skipped xmas eve. SO I load up my car christmas day to head to my mothers with all the food and presents...and once i get there I see SHE INVITED MY FATher!!!! In 30 years they have never never never spent the holiday together. I have missed all the holidays and birthday celebrations for 2 years because of him and she f*&îng invited him and she knew I wasnt speaking to him. So I just turned around and went home and went right to bed. I was upset and exhausted. Another holiday alone. They used to yell at me for choosing to be with friends when I was younger but I think that is just what I am going to do from now on. I literally have not heard from anyone in my family other than my twin and her kids. No one has even wished me a merry christmas. Then my twin told me today that they are mad that I left and didnt leave the food. I said I did not cook all day for him and I surely wasnt going to leave all that food with a bunch of ingrates! there was other food but my mother is a terrible terrible cook. So today I took all the left overs to the doggie daycare staff and they very much appreciated it.
3Jays sorry you have been dealing with so much once again and I hope when you are moved in and settled that things get easier for you. I wish I was there to help you move. I hope you get it all done in time without incident. Sending positive vibes your way for a speedy recovery and an easy smooooooooth move.
Hugs to all...sorry had to vent. I am always reading and thinking of you all.
Love to all!! Happy New YEAR!! Please please let it be better
Diane
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DiDel, Know how you feel. Have one remaining son and two grandaughters. Even though we always send them birthday and christmas presents we have yet to hear from any of them. You would think that at least they could send an e-card. I told my husband that I'm not bothering next year. It hurts too much that they can just take and never give back even a thanks.
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Kate, you expressed my dillemma. When it's all said and done, who was there for you? I'm feeling very alone.
My friends were wonderful. My son abandoned me. We were so close. He hasn't spoken to be in over a year.
I don't see a way to get past that.
And my husband, who was a rock and more there for me than ever in our 43 years of marriage, I discovered after, was lying to me. Our plans for the future were an illusion because he had made plans with our daughter. She would go to college for an extra year. Now this is not a sin. I love my daughter. But the lie. That is the sin. And as we planned to go to Europe when the chemo was over and to move to another house, and that he was retiring, months of working out "the plan", dreaming of our future together, my daughter tells me of his plan with her. So was he really there for me? Was it all an illusion? Where there is no trust there is no marriage. Obviously this is nothing new. I thought the "good" husband was something new. Anyway, the point is, I feel alone and lonely. I will have to reach out to friends, who were really lovely to me. Much better than I expected. And my eyes have been opened.
I have learned the difference i can make in others lives and i intend to do that to the utmost of my ability from now on.
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Diane, I think that is so very COOL an EXCELLENT that you didn't leave the food!!!! hehehehehe good for you!!!! I bet they were pissed!! No kidding!! You won that round, sweetie!!! This is why I HATE the holidays. Family lets you down SO easliy!! I only heard from one of four kids on Christmas Day! No cards, no prezzies or calls from the other three. We are supposed to all get together today, but found out the second olded boy (step-son) is going to work (at a bar) and "didn't get the email". Bull shit!! Now we have to drop off his present and see if his sister is going to make it. Haven't heard from her either, so not sure on that one. For kids with such hi-tech communications, they sure know how to ignore reminder emails....sigh. Fucking family!!!
I don't have a cirlce of friends. In fact I don't have a single friend that I share Christmas with. I never wanted to bring anyone into my cirlce of hell at this time of year!!!
Today is the day at my bro's. He's feeding all my big gang at his house. We'll have to see how that goes. Now I have to miss my lay-down and/or nap because we have to go to my step-sons place...sigh.
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I have not been on in a very long while. I have been reading. I am so very sorry for those who had difficult Christmas Days and Eves. It is so hard when you need to feel loved and supported and validated to be let down. And Diane your family seems to be experts at hurting you. I hope that 2013 will bring everyone the love and support and validation that they need. There are so many that just don't have a clue as to what we go through and the fact that we are forever changed both physically and emotionally. Not to say there are not good changes and growth but there is the change that loss of feeling our lives will progress along a normal course. That when we look in the mirror we have to constantly readjust to the new normal. I wish all of you peace of spirit. I hope that all of us can be strong enough to weed out and limit those that hurt us and surround ourselves with those who are sincere and truly care.
I thought I was done with surgeries. But my PS on my 1 month check up after the last said one more to fix some symmetry issues. So that is March 8th. Tomorrow is the 3 year anniversary of my bilateral mastectomy. And the beginning of three years of pain and complications etc. I am struggling not to go back to that day and relive the nightmares it created but it is hard when I am still not done and now it will be close to 3.5 to 4 years before my recon is done. I know it could be worse and I am here and for that I am forever grateful. But I am sad. But I will maintain the honesty of the journey and acknowledge the emotions and take a step forward. My PS asked me if a young woman who was wanting to go to med school could come in the room when he examined me. I usually don't like that and say no but I thought oh well. When I slipped down my gown and she saw me I wondered what really went through her head. I told her if you become a doctor you must never forget that this is a truly long emotional journey that affects a woman forever, her sense of femininity, her intimacy her emotional well being. That it is not over when the incisions heal. My PS said that is exactly right. I guess a teachable moment. Going to stop now cuz think I might cry
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Thanks for all the support ladies. I am having a very down couple of days. I have literally been alone all week with barely a phone call. Of course my mother is blowing up my phone and driving me crazy but I just am not ready to talk to her. I feel very betrayed and just cant believe that not only did I spend Christmas Eve and Christmas alone no one even wished me a Merry Christmas except my sis and her kids. My nephew who is 26 actually sent me a very nice email and told me how much he loved me which I dont think he has said since he was 10.
I hate NYE and now my plans for that have changed from an intimate dinner to a party which I hate NYE parties.So I will be here if anyone wants to ring in the new year with me...although I dont even know if I can make it till midnight.
Anyhow as always I love you ladies and thank you for your support.
Here's to a brand new healthy year!!
Diane
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