Great saying about depression

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  • Maddie57
    Maddie57 Member Posts: 85
    edited November 2012

    Hi Ladies - it was my first day back at work today. I am on phased returned for a month - gradually building my hours back to normal. My colleagues were all very kind and supportive, but I am glad I don't have to work a full day yet, as I still get very breathless. Barbe I see my Oncologist on Friday, and will ask her to check my arm for LE. I do still having pitting edema in my fingers and toes from the taxotere, but she knows about this.

    £jays - so sorry to hear you have been sick whilst packing. Big hugs

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited November 2012

    So smart to phase in Maddie!! I didn't and have paid for it dearly. Let us know what your onc says about your arm. Best to nip it early.

  • macatacmv
    macatacmv Member Posts: 1,200
    edited November 2012

    Hey everyone, back from my vacation in sunny FL. We were only there for 3 full days, so no traveling around once we got there. We tried to get off island during that winter storm "Athena" (they even named it) So first we tried the plane that we had reservations on at 9am and they were grounded so drove down to the boat and they were only running one that day and we couldn't get our car on, so had to park the car and take the boat and then a bus up to the airport in Boston. I had to change the flight to a later one and we finally go to FL at 8pm. But we had a great time and I scheduled naps into each day. I am still so tired.  It was a great way to celebrate turning 60. So now I'm home for a couple of days before going to Boston for my next doc appts. Thursday and Friday.

    On the way home, I got pulled over for a pat down going thru security. The woman only patted down my chest. She must have seen a clip or something. They also searched my purse. I must look like a fiesty 60 year old. 

    Kate, so glad you are doing well. 

    3jays, been thinking of you. 

    Debbie, that better living thru chemistry, does work, doesn't it?

    barbe, walking the mall, you go girl!!

    maddie, phasing in work sounds like a good plan. I really miss work, and feeling useful, so hopefully easing into it will be the way to go for you.

    I'll try to be on here more often. These 3 hour naps really cut into my posting time. Also my DD is still here. I might change the times I take this new med to see if I get more energy during the day. Man, it is all so much trial and error. 

    hugs 

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited November 2012

    mac: I always seem to get special attention through the security at airports too. They make me take off my rubber thongs so it can go through the machine and then I have to walk barefoot on their dirty floor, and then I get to listen to the guy complain that they don't have a woman there to pat me down so I will have to wait until he can radio for one.  I always say to these guys - just go ahead and do it.  I think it embarrasses them.  Then first they ask if I want to have it done in private.  I always say no as I want other people to see what a 60 year old woman has to go through. I find it a hassle, but funny, whereas many are humiliated.  When my son was about 16 but presented neatly and was/is always polite and had long hair he really got the works but now that he has short hair, no problem.  Like you, I also get the complete poking around in my purse and tote bag.  I especially like it when they pull out my big plastic bag of pills, as I would never trust them in luggage.  They open it and start to read the labels and ask me what is this for?  Now, I consider that too much so I just say I have breast cancer and require daily medication.  That gets them to stop fast.  So you are not alone.

    Yes, better living through chemistry - you are funny!

    Rest up!

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited November 2012

    HAHAHA, I'm like that too Debbie!! Go ahead and feel me up and down in public!! I'm not ashamed!! I was at a concert once that had a security check and they, too, didn't have a female checker! Like, doi! didn't they expect any females to attend????? That's when I had really BIG breasts and I got such a kick watching the young guy trying not to look as he checked me...under the diapproving eyes of my very tall DH!!! hehehehehee.

    The last airport I went through was my DD's destination wedding 3 1/2 years ago. As she cleared customs with her wedding dress I took a picture. A female guard turned around and screamed "DO NOT USE A CAMERA!!!" I felt like asking if she would just freeze so I could take a quick sketch then....duh! Why not a camera????? It's MY daughter - she didn't complain!! Maybe it was because the guard had such a fat ass?????

  • macatacmv
    macatacmv Member Posts: 1,200
    edited November 2012

    Debbie, of course we were rushing thru the security line b/c we were pushing the time limit. My DS was really nervous we were going to miss the plane. He is former Marine so very time consious. My DD is very laid back and wanted to get a sandwich to eat on the plane, so he yelled at her and made her cry and I'm just let's get through this, please. So I didn't really think about how she just patted my chest until later. The box of pills was in my purse and the guy held it up and said whos bag is this and I'm getting patted down and I'm like it's mine, So it was funny but I was thinking about my DD who had to throw away her water bottle because it had water still in it so she is crying harder. Now it all seems funny. But at the time it was a bit stressful.

    So I have appts in the city on Thursday and Friday. I just found out that my mammo and BS appt are scheduled at the same time. How is that going to work? I called central scheuling and they said oh well, they are right next door to each other. So I called the BS office and they said it would work out but they would send a note to central scheduling to see if they wanted to change the appts. It's always something.

    My DD are going to stay in a fancy hotel while in the city. I used my "starpoints" to get it for "free". So we are going to live it up. We have spa appts for Thursday evening. Trying to make the best of the situation. 

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited November 2012

    mac: well, live it up at the fancy hotel and I am happy you have spa appointments.  My DH has always felt when traveling, if the room has a bed and bathroom, regardless of how worn down it looks or dirty, it's fine with him.  I have actually gone to the maids cart and gotten new sheets for our bed and grabbed cleaning supplies and towels for the bathrooms.  Now, my 19 year son is different, so truthfully I'd rather travel with him.  He likes things nice, neat and clean.  And if you are staying at a nice place, why not treat yourself - it's not everyday I get to somewhere like that!  Let me enjoy you enjoying the experience - just sorry it's for doctor's appointments!

    Are you feeling a little bit better?

    My DH is like yours with being on time, whereas I am on time but in airports just won't let them upset me. Last time I went to Kauai, I had 4 airports and 3 out of 4 wouldn't allow water bottles, but the 4th did.  Always remember they will give you bottled water now on the planes. Again, I would rather travel with my son. At 6' 3" people give him respect and he is so serious he seems 25! Yikes, that would make me 66 and I'm just 60.

    I am still in shock how much this anti anxiety pill is helping me. Problem is the Dr can't dispense it with renewals - government doesn't allow it, so I have to see her every two weeks.  Funny, but I can get 5 mg tablets of Valium with 2 repeats.  Just doesn't make sense....or not to me.

    Barbe- like you, I like to give back to people what they are trying to do to me, but a pat-down in front of lots of people is actually kinda funny.  I wonder how they pick who to pat down? Maybe I get the treatment because of my loss of hearing and I never know what they are saying as they make Max stand away from me and he usually tells me what people are saying.  At airport check-in counters, since he has been about 14 he has always done the checking in and refers to me if he doesn't know something.  Often the clerk would look at me and Max would just say 'she's deaf'.  That gets them!

    So, my good friends, I am happy to report that with my new pills, I am feeling more positive and assured every day - back to my old self.  Now if I just don't get scared about something to do with my health - that will be the true test of this medication of how I will handle something like that.

    I'm trying to have a good week - I wish that for all of you too!

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited November 2012

    Debbie, I am SO glad you are yourself again!! Doens't it make you wonder why you were heistant to reach for help?

    And mac, have a blast!! Treat yourfelf well, so glad your Florida trip went well...did your breathing improve in dry heat??

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited November 2012

    Hey Ladies!!

    I am healing nicely from my latest revision and just getting over a stomach bug. I feel pretty good and sailed through my 3 year anniversary of my diagnosis. It coincides with a friends birthday so for the first time since diagnosis I spent the night with friends celebrating his birthday and it was a wonderful evening.

    Maddie and Mac glad you had a good trip

    3Jays sorry you are battling yet another infection. I hope it clears up soon.

    Barbe what happened with your biopsies?? any news?? fingers crossed

    Debbie glad you are feeling better and got the right meds

    Its a cold night and I am too lazy to get up and plug in my computer and the low battery is flashing.

    I hope all is well and that everyone is staying strong and looking forward to the upcoming holidays.

    Hugs to all
    Diane

  • macatacmv
    macatacmv Member Posts: 1,200
    edited November 2012

    Diane, so good to "hear" from you. Glad the surgery went well and you are healing nicely.

    Debbie, I am happy you are feeling better, too. I had a talk with MH person about whether I would rather be happy and tired or sad with more energy. Interesting thought.

    barbe, I am trying not to do the nebulizer as much and now my chest just hurts. My cough is still about the same, no real change. It will be interesting to see what they say tomorrow. 

    My DD and I made a Thanksgiving dinner tonight since she'll be going back to Co on Sunday. It was fun cooking together. She has learned so much being on her own. We will have a blast at the hotel. I'll post pics. It is suppose to be very modern.

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 2,604
    edited November 2012

    Justagirl: i'm ok , but this bacterial thing has got me down, and in bed.. i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired..

      I asked the dr about using st johns wort, some supplement for depression, as the stress has me pretty down.. i'm allergic to all but one antdepression, and its contrindicated with synthyroid.. oh joy.. another thing i've got to "tuff" out..

      I googled 3jays the other night, and found postings from bco there, in all their glory.. so, after awhile, i'm deleting my posts..

     i use private browsing, and i thought that would be enough but there it was!!! i really gotta watch what i say more!!!

     we got approved by the condo assoc. so its' all a go for mid dec, or before.. the current owners' gonna see if he can move in his place earlier. i wanna do xmas with a bang, if i can get in early.. but if not, a little one will have to do...im over the mon we don't have to move ever again!!! we really couldn't do better than where we're going.. He even tossed in his comouter, as he's getting another. i just need to pay a friend to remove his hard drive, and install one for me.. newer, more powerful.. my additional xmas present .. thanx for asking bout me..............3jays

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited November 2012

    3jays, who would normally google 3jays?? And how would they know it's you? And why would they care??? Seriously, mon cherie, no one is going to hunt you down based on your posts. Your posts are VERY important for those coming behind you to see how the blend of MS and breast cancer goes deeper with side effects and all. Take a deep breath and let it go!! My DH and I used to joke that we'd love for someone to steal our identities so we could start over!!! I have NO fear of my posts being "out there" as I know they have benefitted ladies in the past...and I have the PM's to prove it.

    It was by Googling a question that I found bco and I have been every grateful since!

  • Marple
    Marple Member Posts: 10,154
    edited November 2012

    3jays~for a little anonymity you could make your location private.

  • LinSea
    LinSea Member Posts: 127
    edited November 2012

    Wow, feels like a reunion seeing all the familiar names and faces. Like you never left. Oh yeah, I did. . .:-0



    This year has been hell. You know how I can tell? Because every year I photograph something that is reflective of my/our year for our Christmas card. I was going after a bee in a flower, With the caption "bee still," but that is really bull crap. i have not stopped moving since I went back to work. Super women they called me at my review last Thursday. It really pissed me off. No really, because i realize i am only hurting me. No life or joy this year just nose to the grindstone. I think I feel guilty for being off 6 months and am trying to prove it was worth it for them to wait for me.



    Okay, so what are the stages of grief, because losing by breasts makes me so sad, so I move faster not to feel it. LE is pretty bad in my sides and trunk too.



    I have no one out there who really understands. I have missed you all. You are like a duckie float to keep me from drowning! My 55 year old cousin with BC now has Mets to liver and brain. I saw her last week. Hospice is there and I guess she is close. That pisses me off too. We were both diagnosed in 2004 and dealt with stuff every couple of years, but now she is dying. I need to slow down because she told me "don't miss life."



    Enough blah blah. I wish I could hug you all and have a good cry. Feels like I'm home again. I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving! .........Lindsey

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited November 2012

    Oh Lindsey!!! You DO need a group hug!!! I remember once in the middle of trying to scramble up a corporate ladder wondering "why am I racing to my death??" I remember that second as if it were yesterday. I got off the wheel and have been happy at work ever since. I do have some regrets, obviously, pensions and higher salaries, but I was able to say that I LOVED my job for the last 25 years of my working life! Looking back, I had FUN. I acheived goals set much faster so I got a lot of validation. I could leave work AT work and go home without a briefcase!! And now I'm off on disability, so none of it matters anyway...sigh.

    As for stages of grief, you HAVE suffered a HUGE loss!!! Loss of innocence of your own health, your health itself, the joy you had in being free of cancer, the pain of LE and the hassles that go along with it. Have you expressed enough ANGER??? You have the right to be angry and the right to self-pity (as long as it isn't debilitating) as it's a healthy stage of grief. A lot of people forget to be angry and tamp it down... You may need to release some anger to be able to have that good cry.

    Don't disappear until we know you are okay, sweetie, with love,

    Barbe

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 1,748
    edited November 2012

    Lindsey - I sooo understand, you don´t know me, I have only recently come back, even other forums just do not seem to GET how bloody awful it is with a breast missing......I cry even typing it and whereas I thought it would get better now i am out of active treatment I actually feel worse, so sad I cannot even express it....I know I can look really good in clothes but how i FEEL is a whole different matter........I hate being and feeling like this........I am only wokring 8 hours per week and am exhausted........and do a lot of charity work so know the feeling of no time, my home is a tip and no time or energy  to do anything for me....or here

  • Maddie57
    Maddie57 Member Posts: 85
    edited November 2012

    Hi Ladies - am back at work now, so I do not have the time to post much, but am just checking in on you all. Barbe -I was horrified when 3jays said her name came up when she googled it, but then I remembered I also found my way to this site by googling a question, so I guess it is my turn to give. I will help anyone, it is just that I hope no one knows who I really am by reading my responses. I feel I can tell my friends on here how I really feel without trying to protect them all. Have you had the results of your biopsy?

    Lindsey and Lily - keep your pecker up! I still have a year of herceptin to go, and my final breast reconstruction, but I surprised myself by feeling really down when I finished chemo. I think while you are having all your treatments you have a goal to focus on, and when it is all finished you have time to mourn all you have lost. If you read another thread I am on - "Chemo  July 2012" -I think it is called - you will see that a few other ladies have also admitted to feeling really down. It makes you feel much better when you realise other people are going through the same feelings. It has been likened to post traumatic stress syndrome. Lindsey - take it easy at work. I read somewhere once that no one wishes they had spent more time at work when they die. Give an honest days work for an honest days pay and give 100% everyday, but don't kill yourself, it's not worth it. I am so very sorry to hear about your cousin - my heart bleeds for you. Big hugs to you both.

    Di - so thrilled to hear your surgery went well. Thanks for letting us know.

    Stanzie - I was reading through 33 pages of " Uncomfortable Implants" and came across your name. I am so sorry you are still suffering so much. I thought the TE's were bad, but it makes me realise I made the right decision re the reconstruction.  Hope your talk went well and you impressed the socks off the listeners!

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited November 2012

    Hello Ladies! Thought Id pop in and say hello and Happy Thanksgiving!!

    3jays congrats on the condo...what a relief!! I hope you get all moved in before Christmas!! Sorry about the infection. I get so paranoid of infection everytime I have surgery. I hope today you are feeling better.

    Maddie thanks for the well wishes

    Lindsay sorry you have been going through so much LE yikes...so sorry. Also about your cousin. Cancer is so nondiscrimanatory it just doesnt care who it touches. I hate cancer.

    So I have actually been pretty busy on a work project but I have been reading. I am always reading and thinking of you ladies and wishing you all the very best.

    Today since my sister and niece are out of town I passed on the family dinner and had a nice peaceful day cooking up a feast for just little ol me. For the first time ever I got the Thanksgiving leftovers!!! I ate my first dinner at 3 and again at 7. I had pumpkin cheesecake for breakfast and watched the Parade and Doggie Competition...now I am lounging semi napping as I prepare to hit the malls at midnight!! I love love love Black Friday!!!

    Hope you are all well..Hugs to all

    Diane

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited November 2012

    My 4 biopsies all came back as four different issues, but all benign. I am still waiting for the 7 biopsies taken during my gastroscopy. My goal for 2013 is to get NO MORE stitches!!! That means no more biopsies or surgeries!!! I am SO SICK of being sick!!

    Sounds like a perfect Thanksgiving Diane, what did you buy????

  • Maddie57
    Maddie57 Member Posts: 85
    edited November 2012

    Hi Barbe - thrilled to hear your biopsies were benign. I am sorry they all had isssues though. I hope it is nothing serious.

    Di - pumpkin cheesecake sounds delicious. Are you a fantastic cook, as you are often cooking and baking?

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 2,604
    edited November 2012

    Lindsey: i soo can relate with you!! for thanksgiving, i didn't wanna go, even though i was thrilled to be going to my grnads and sons, unexpectedly..

      we actually were a little late, I had a breakdown before leaving, my truncal is all swollen from being in bed, and to outt foobs on, and a wig, undid me, for a minute..

      i never feel like i'm NOT wearing a costume, when we have a "thing" to go to.. have to wear the "foobs" my grandaughters too interested, when i don't.. the case of the disappearing boobs..funny, but not so much...

      As far as googling myself, i just did, one day.. there's two 3jays on google. one, who;s younger, and had uterine cancer, and me, with bc..

      i got a notice someone was trying to acess my email the other day, from new england, but i assume it was her..

      some of the forums im in here, are pretty personal. and i don't want it all out there.. no ones entitled to be a voyear on my account. im now sending pms to that forum!

      i guess i could change my location, but now, it shows up with my real name (thanx facebook) so, its just useles..

      as far as bc/ms i leave those posts alone..for anyone who Does need the info..

      i do miss you ladies, hope to get my thyroid better, and have more oomph to come back more..

      Please tell us, what ya got on black friday Diane! thats something i just haven't had the strength to do the past 2 years.. i miss the hoopla, and the savings!!!

      i'll be back, not leaving.. i miss you guys too much!3jays

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited November 2012

    Hey Ladies...is it me or has this been the longest holiday weekend ever! I have to work on Monday and so looking forward to getting out of the house and being around people.

    Black Friday was a bit of a bust. I made the mistake of going at Midnight with every teenager in Maryland.

    the mall was literally overrun with teenagers and it was so crowded. I usually go at 6am and its a pleasure. Lesson learned I will never go at Midnight again. Plus I was so tired by 430 I was home. I did get my niece done but waited over an hour in line at Express to get 50% off which I have to say was worth it but the rest of the "door buster"deals were not worth waiting in line for and I did get myself a new winter coat WHICH was the deal of the day. I almost bought it for myself two weeks ago at full price $225 but then I felt guilty so I put it back. WELL it was a door buster deal at Macys and I got it for $79!!! That made it all worth it but usually I go at 6am and I am completely done xmas shopping by lunch. Now I gotta head back out one work day to finish up.

    Barbe glad your test results were benign.

    3Jays I am so excited for you and your hubby to move into your new place.

    Maddie thanks for the compliment..I am a pretty good cook but I don't do it often as it is just me. I love to bake and have baked since I was a teenager. I bake a lot during the holiday for parties and gifts. By the time Christmas comes I am all baked out.

    I hope everyone is well. I have a TV US this week...yuck but I hope I will have some definitive answers on which type of ovarian cysts I have then a decision on whether to drain it remove it or leave it. I also have an MRI in a couple of weeks and hope that is all clear. Its just a routine test I am scheduled to get every other year.

    Hugs to all ...thinking about you ladies

    Diane

  • macatacmv
    macatacmv Member Posts: 1,200
    edited November 2012

    Hello, Hope all in US had nice Thanksgiving. For me it was lots of cooking and football and about 15 minutes of eating. LOL It was just my DS and I so low key. 

    Lindsay and Lily glad you are here.

    Lindsay, I know that trying to outrun my feelings was a way I lived my life for a long time. This BC dx has effectively put an end to my running for the time being. But it is in the balance that we find peace. I am now able to decide what I want to pick back up and what made me crazy. Be still might not be bs, it might be what you need to do to make some decisions about how you want your life to be.

    Lily, people always say to me how good I look. I am not sure what they were expecting, but I can still dress myself and brush my hair. But I am faking it until I make it. If I make the effort to look good then I figure someday I will feel better. This is such a process for me.

    I am starting to have more energy since switching meds. For a while there all I wanted to do was sleep. I went to the city and my DD and I had a great time except for the DR appts. She made me lie on the intake form for the spa to say I had no health issues so I could get a massage. I also had my face waxed. LOL It must be all the steroids but I had white fuzz all over my cheeks.

    I made it through the cardio pulmonary exercise test. But it did make me angry. They made me ride a bicycle with that thing in my mouth and a clip on my nose, and hooked up to  the heart monitor with a blood presure cuff on one arm and the oxymeter on the other hand. He said for me to give him the finger when I couldn't take anymore. Guess which finger came up. Anyway still waiting for a call from them because I canceled the appt for the day before Thanksgiving.

    My mammo came back clear! Yay! Appt with BS went ok. She said pain and swelling is normal. (not my normal, thank you) She did not want to hear about my cough or wheezing. It has nothing to do with the sugery in her mind. So now I just see the MO in 3 months.

    So my pulmonary doc wants me to wear a mask when I am out in public and go back up on the predinsone. I don't think so!

    barbe, happy for the b9. A great goal for 2013 no stitches!!!!

    3jays, good to hear from you. I am happy you got to spend time with the grands over the holiday. Take a break from packing!

    Di, will be thinking of you this week with the tests. We watched the parade and dog show, too. My dog Cinder watched the dog show very intently. It was a riot. 

  • chabba
    chabba Member Posts: 3,600
    edited November 2012

    We once had a dog who used to watch TV with me.  He would sit besite me with his back against my sholder and his "arm" on the arm rest.  Then one day when we were watching a dog show he decided to sniff the butt of one of them.  He snorted, stared a minute and walked away.  He never watched TV again.  Guess he just then realized those weren't real!

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited November 2012

    mac, that is too cute!! I had to do that pulmonary test years ago and the docs kept hitting the machines saying they were all registering backwards or wrong! I never did find out what the problem with me was....

    chabba, too funny! I read that to my DH..ehhehehehe

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited December 2012

    Hi Everyone!!!!! Gosh I feel like I've been gone forever! The paper was really harder than I thought but I had this lovely Australian angel who helped me tremendously! I mean tremendously and gave me self confidence! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

    So yes the talk went well but I was soooooo nervous. I really didn't think I would be quite as much as I was. First went in and saw all the tables set up and the podium... then went upstairs and head about the history of the church build in 1908 and there was an amazing art piece which incorporated the history of the church and then the Priest came in and welcomed us and he was wonderful. Then the woman who did the inspirational talked about Andrew Young's wife who died of Colon cancer and how they had met a woman in Africa battling the same cancer and so they brought her home with them got her treatment and sent her home! When she died the church wasn't big enough so it was held at the huge Civic Center and the woman giving the inspirational was very close to her and had some part in the funeral. Then back downstairs... and my introduction- OK I never realized how strange it was to have someone introduce you and tell your history. That got me terribly nervous. So ... the paper went very well. Everyone seeme to really like it and apparently got everyone at the different tables talking about their memories and such. Then I got calls and emails and notes saying it went well. Whew! Someone said well now I'm officially a member!

    Then my son had his first big dance date! So had to go out and get him a sports coat and slacks and such. The girl wanted his tie to match her dress so he gets in the car one afternoon saying he needs a Nebula tie.... A what? Apparently someone has taken pictures from the Hubble Space craft and made them into fabric which is what is one her dress... well we looked but couldn't get one... awww - not! Then when I asked what color the dress was mainly as in what color flowers for the corsage he tells me Black... ummm maybe not! SO, I did have a minute where I thought about sending him into the florist asking for a Nebula or black corsage but I didn't.. went with white! LOL!

    So that is what I've been doing! Whew! That and being depressed. It will be my first Christmas totally alone. No kids, no boyfriend, no husband, no family.... so kind of feeling sad about all that.. Also my ex husband has started dating and my good friend who got divorced the same time as me is getting married. So ugh not a good time...

    Barb - glad to hear about benign biopsies- hope the rest come back the same way.

    3jays- wow didn't know about synthroid and depression meds... Oh well... I guess it didn't affect me too much. Sorry you are having a rough time.. 

    Debbie- I so know you would give it back to those TSA agents!

    Mac- glad you are feeling better... Oh can't go back and comment on everyone... I'm so sorry will do better once I get back into the swing of everything... glad to be back. I've missed you all! Hugs!

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited December 2012

    Stanzie, SO glad your paper went well!!! I`m so proud of you. I LOVE public speaking but apparently it`s the number one fear for most people. So you `ve broken through your comfort zone and never have to do that again unless you want to. Event sounded fabulous, something I would have enjoyed too. 

    You are not alone this Christmas, we are here for you. Your kids will have more action with their Dad and you will know they will be happy for the day. I had to believe that when my kids were always with their Dad on Christmas morning. I sat alone just after my double mast and looked at the Christmas tree and thought `why?`. That was the closest to the bottom I ever reached and I don`t want you to go near there. Don`t put up a tree if it will depress you! It was years before I was able to put a tree up again. Last year was the first year in 5 years that my DH was with me (he used to drive a cab) on Christmas and he asked me `what do we do for Christmas?`That really reinforced how alone I had been over the years. New Years can be pretty bad too, so make sure you are in a place you really want to be. I don`t try to stay up as I find that depressing. The change. The panic to finish the year off. So many memories!!! ArrrghhhhH!!!!!

  • macatacmv
    macatacmv Member Posts: 1,200
    edited December 2012

    Stanzie, I too am glad your paper and speaking went well. Good job!

    I have been off the boards for a few days with some weird back pain, but better now. 

    This thread seems a little slow, lately. Have we all gotten better?

    A year ago today I was dx. I went into overdrive to make it the "best Christmas ever". Which it wasn't anyway because I had surgery the 23rd. This year I am much more laid back. Just glad to be feeling a bit better.

    My DS is in his last 2 weeks of college. He will graduate in January. So he is in the middle of writing papers and finals. Doesn't want to discuss the holidays at all. I'm assuming he will come home at least for a few days. DD won't be able to come b/c she was just here and it should be getting busy out in CO, if it would just snow! So life brings changes and I'm learning to go with the flow. 

    We can all share our holidays here. 

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited December 2012

    I hate the pressure of a new year, normally I panic to think of things I've left undone, but this year I will be SO happy to see the ass-end of 2012!!!!!! Nothing to do with the Mayan calendar either! hehehehehehehe It was a crappy health year for me and I want to greet 2013 with joy. That's my plan!

  • ptdreamers
    ptdreamers Member Posts: 639
    edited December 2012

    Barbe, I think most of us feel that way. I certainly plan to have a healthy new year and all I need is for my body to buy into that plan.Smile