Great saying about depression
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I think fat grafting is out of favour because they have to capture the entire "drop" of fat and transfer is complete. One at a time. To just suck fat up and inject it isn't going to work as that breaks up the fat cells and they dissipate. There is a doc in Florida that says he does one drop at a time, that's who Kate went to, but her's didn't work out as well as expected. When I read up on his site when she was researching it and found out about the "one at at time" for each fat drop, I knew it just wasn't possible!!!
Even if Diane's mom had good intentions, Christmas and a complete surprise is no way to bring two people back together!!!! Especially at a family dinner!! It would have to be private and mutual. That may never happen. Some things are just better left alone. We don't have to fix every relationship in our lives to continue on, we just have to be comfortable at where they are at this time.
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Hi Ladies - thanks for the good wishes. I go in on the 16th Jan, and can't wait to get rid of the TE's. The micro fat grafting as opposed to the fat grafting did sound a bit too good to be true, but there have been a lot of positive posts about it.
hopefulhealing - where are you? I am worried about you.
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Hey everyone,
maddie, LOL about the frisking! The clerk really looked at me funny the next day when I went back in to pay for the spray. But it would have bothered me. Thanks for letting us know when you sx is, we will be with you in spirit.
barbe, you are right, that we have to get to acceptance to be content with where we are. I spent a lot of time trying to make relationships work, now they either work or not. That's not to say that I don't have my part in relationships not working. That is one reason that I called my brother. I don't want to hold a grudge forever about something that really wasn't that important. I am just going to be a little on guard when ever I get together with them and tell myself that their opinions don't matter as much as how I think about myself.
a bcbs nurse called me on friday and a different one today. They are concerned that I am not getting enough treatments for my breathing issues. They seem to think I am eligible for more services. Like OT and the pneumonia shot. Very interesting why they are so interested in me now. Makes me wonder if they know something I don't.
Anyway, I have MH tomorrow.
I am slowly getting all the decorations down. I think I have them all and then I look on a bookcase or in a corner and there is something else.
Now I can't remember what all was said on the other page.
mac
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Hi "Gals: sorry I've been MIA for so long.. a combination of a shit storm, and depression.. we had a nice surprise at '"Christmas.. my neice, who I was VERY close to when she was younger, and we've gotten close again since my sister,her mother died.(my sister kept her from me even though she 's an adult>>jealousy)
anyway, she brought the whole Daytona crew here, and my nephew, who's quite handy, was with her. they gave us a lowes card, and we shopped for tile for the new house. we were able to buy a nice one, on the cheap, and stayed in our budget. she went back, and left him here for a week. He tiled every inch of the new house that wasn't already tiled.. No more nrug cleaners for me yeah!!!
I'll post pics soon as i can get them taken..
that set me back on the jan 1st move in, but i was trying to get some ?$$ back to oay for tile, so its all good.
My legs still not healing well, and my kids aren't helping a whit,, it has me feeling really bad as a mother. but, while catching up on this site, I realize i'm not alone in family crap!!!
anyway, bad leg and all, i;m walking stuff over in my walker every day, and waiting for Mur to get home at night to carry the boxes.
We'll slog thru this, as we have every other obstacle we have in the past. the combination of the infections, my leg, and depression isn't making me a cheery person to be around, anyway.
I, like so many of you, have started to devest myself in my relationships with the boys. i've said many times lately, you can't force a person to care, if they don't. period. i've been trying to force a square peg in a round hole, and i'm tired of doing it. I'm just looking forward to being in the new house, and just doing our own little thing, left alone. Not what I would like, for sure, but trying to just accept what comes my way.. which isn't much, these days.
I also am just looking forward to 2012 passing, and just taking 2013 as it comes.
I'll be busy a whole lot, till we settle in, and my health is in the toilet.. i just so appreciate seeing everyone here, and know i;m thinking of you all.......3jays
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Yay, 3jays, forward motion on the move!! That's so great that your nephew could do the tile work before you moved in. It will also be less to trip over, just talking about myself. It's so good to hear from you. I was talking to a friend the other day, we were disussing the fact that after our children are grown we get to choose the friends that become our family.
So I went to MH today. I was telling her how much I have gotten done in the last few days. She said what about your resolution to have some fun? So this is the new goal in my life, have some fun. Gotta figure that out now. I laugh alot does that count?
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Yeah 3Jays! So glad you had such a nice Christmas surprise. I am excited for you to get settled into your new place. Sounds like a good way to start the new year...out with the old and in with the new!
Mac my friend who has lung issues (Nontuberculosis something) went through so many drugs and docs before she finally got some relief. After landing in the hospital post rad treatment she had a terrible lung infection..well multiple I forget what they called it (sorry I may be no help) BUT she started on this treatment at home that she has to do twice a day everyday. I think she does it one month on one month off. Well its a nebulizer treatment TOBI and it has been a miracle for her. She literally couldnt get through ten minutes without coughing. She was sick for about 3 years and in two months of doing the Tobi treatments she is 90% better. Just a little tidbit of info I thought may be helpful.
Hope everyone is having a good week so far.
Hugs to all that need one
Diane
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I want to wish us all a peaceful 2013. May we all make choices that elevate us, bring happiness, and calm. Haven't had a chance to read, but wanted to say hello.
My DH and I have both been down with a cold for 8 days. Today I watched "you've got mail" and clipped magazines! Wow, I hope this year I will give myself the gift of rest and laughter without having to be sick. It seems only when I am down and out, do I stop. Okay this year will be different! Time to recharge will be part of each day. So how do you all do that? I am not sure I know what it would look like! Okay off to bed. That is a good start--more sleep.
Hugs to you all!0 -
Di, thanks for the info. I have been using a nebulizer for a while, now I am trying to cut back. I am using levalbuterol. It really helps. I will look up the TOBI treatment, see what it"s for.
I have another app on monday to see my PCP and get the pneumonia shot. When I go to crowded places I wear a mask.
I also wash my hands a lot. Today I got an automated code red call about a free flu clinic that will be conducted this weekend. The media coverage of the flu outbreak is scary.Lindsey, I hope you and your DH are on the road to recovery by now.
that recharging without being sick is a mystery to me. I didn't stop until my dx, now I am still recovering from this lung thing. More sleep and resting? I go for a daily walk. I have also just recently started taking/doing yoga. I need to get my strength back. I seem to turn all my "recreation" into a "job". I try to do everything really, really well. My acupuncturist said try doing the yoga at 70% instead of 110%. She knows me well.
So this week I have been cooking. I'm not sure what got into me. I did get a new Rachael Ray magazine and a friend brought me some kale, carrots, rosemary and thyme from her winter garden. I tried out quite a few new receipes. I am only cooking for myself so there is no stress of will someone like it or it being done at a certain time. Does that count as fun?
hope the weekend brings some rest and relaxation to everyone.
mac
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I didn't think I would be writing again tonight. Just got a call that my 55 year old cousin passed away this morning. BC dx same year as me--2004. Learned last May she had mets to liver and in Nov to brain. I am so sad. She had a laugh that would would make others smile just because she was laughing. Rhonda, may you rest in peace. You will be missed.
Mac, 3Jays, Diane,Barbe, Debbie, good to read updates. I want to respond, but will later this weekend.0 -
Oh Lindsey, I am so sorry for the loss you are feeling right now. BC suks!!! nothing more to say right now. but ((((hugs)))))
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Lindsey, death is so final sounding.Not an easy word. Depressing. Don't be cherry for everyone else. Express how you feel!
hey mac,fun can be whatever you enjoy and makes you smile and a twinkle come into your eyes, maybe even a laugh. I do lots of 'fun' things' that most would consider not to be. Building a retaining wall, chainsawing a tree down, look out at the end of a day in the garden and being pleased with what I have accomplish with a weak arm, 3 ruptured discs and Femara making me crazy and having hot flashes all the time.
I like yoga too, but the whole time I am doing it I keep thinking lets get going and get on with this - hurry up! Guess i',m not the meditation type.
I get anxious if I don't have something to do and fill my mind. The anxiety pills are helping but wish I could have more!
When I get anxious I get depressed. As I can't take antidepressants, I must stay away from getting anxious.
Mac, don't be shocked if your arm swells up from the pneumonia shot. It did with my husband - he was about 72 then and many of our older patients. Watch out for infection.....
Lindsey, I'm sorry for your sorrow and pain. Losing a loved one, well there is nothing else like it. Only time will ease the sharpness.
Off to bed. Old ladies need sleep!
Deb
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It took me over a YEAR of being on disability to learn how to relax!! Seriously! I thought I had to "do" something every day. It was killing me trying to find things to do, so I started redecorating which I didn't need to do. I finally got back into my crafts and that has saved my life...again. I can't just sit and watch TV and don't watch when my DH is not here. To me it's like drinking alone! hehehehe I try not to nap every day, but with the heavy narcotics I'm on it's hard not to. I find I don't always get sleepy as the meds go to the pain, but I take the pain killers whether I'm in pain or not every morning and night trying to keep the pain level low. It's important to get OVER the pain so you can beat it down. If it gets over you, then there's no hope...
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Lindsey so sorry for your loss. Its always scary when someone passes from this dreaded disease. It's a reminder of our own mortality and it seems so random who survives and who doesnt. I am sorry for your sadness and heart break. May you find peace in the loving memories you shared.
Hugs to all
Diane
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Thanks everyone. We all KNOW the pain of losing someone to this disease. It does suck.
Diane, yes it is the randomness that is so unsettling. Rhonda's daughter was set to get married Jan 5 and cancelled the wedding last November because they only gave Rhonda 1-4 weeks to live. She was a fighter!
Di, I am glad your lump was nothing, but it is true that every "something" out of the ordinary causes the fear to ratchet up. I don't want to live in fear, but not sure what that looks like.
Barbe, I had to chuckle because that is how it feels when I try to meditate: "hurry up, I have things to do!" So is there a common theme here? Are we mostly doers in this group? Debbie, I am still trying to imagine felling a tree with a chain saw! We were just on vacation on the Calif coast and a guy was carving bears out of tree trunks with a chain saw. Rough and crude, but very charming.
I am going to change my screen name and avatar and will let you know when I do. I want the freedom to say what I need without being so "recognizable."
Have a good Saturday!0 -
I use to think yoga was way too slow for me. But I have really slowed down myself. I need to get my strength back and my stamina. I got my car detailed the other day, it was a mess. While it was gone I took my dog for a walk in the woods behind my house. It has a lot more hills than the dog park and I was really straining and panting by the end. LOL
I am sitting with a heating pad across my chest. I woke up with stabbing pains today. So I am distracing myself with a funny movie.
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mac, if you had the dog on a leash that may be the cause of your pains. All that pulling, that said chest pains should never be ignored . Call the paramedics if it changes location or gets any worse.
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pt, I think I misspoke when I said chest pains. These are in the radiated breast. They are just more severe than they have ever been and more constant. The heating pad sets off my hot flashes, but makes the pain more manageable. I am very familiar with chest pains this year, between my lungs and my boobs. These are not life threatening, just uncomfortable. Thanks for your concern.
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mac, would cold be better?
For those of you who knew her I just read that apple passed. Her stage IV was in her brain. I am gutted. She played for a church choir. Sheesh, if that doesn't give you a leg up to a higher power I don't know what does!! Her last post was on December 20th (for some reason I always go to someones last post when they pass...) and she was going out for sugar and food colouring!!! I think she is the first angel of the new year......
Lindsey, I look forward to hearing from the new you!
mac, if you can go for a walk in hilly woods you are doing WAY better than me! Congrats, sister!!
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Lindseys - I was so sorry to hear about your cousin. How terribly sad for you. I am sure you are probably feeling survivors guilt - why her and not me- but don't even think about that. Your cousin sounded like a wonderful person, and she would want you to be happy. Did you try and slow down at work a bit?
macatacmv - glad to hear your chest pains weren't anything serious. Don't you love those heating pads!
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Oh I am sad about apple.
barbe, I know I should be so grateful of where I am in my recovery. Of course, the last two days I have gone back to bed after breakfast and slept most of the day away. This weaning off the prednisone is driving me crazy. You might be right about cold. I'll try that tonight.
But I do love my heating pad.
watching the golden globes tonight.
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Okay, it's the new me! Since we live by the sea and I LOVE the sea, I thought I would keep my name similar, but a little "tweaked." :-) I took the picture for my new avatar and it looked so much like a breast, my DH and I burst out laughing.
Thanks for all your words of comfort regarding my cousin Rhonda. Maddie, you said something I wouldn't have said, but it went through my mind. Why her and not. . . ? She has kids in their 20's and I don't have kids, but you know, we each have our journey to walk and for whatever gosh dare reason, this was hers. I don't feel guilty, but had the fleeting moment of thought. I talked to her husband today and we both bawled. He said "it is so quiet here now." I can't imagine loosing my DH in our 50's.
I wrote a blog about Rhonda last night. I don't know if I can share that here. I will add the link if you would like to see her picture. It is on my wordpress blog site: http://wolfwail.wordpress.com/2013/01/12/heroes/
Mac, I wondered too if the dog on the leash was pulling and caused your pain. I had to stop walking our dogs because of the pulling. They are pretty good now unless they see a bird. The worst was when we were on the beach and Murphy rolled in a dead seal. My DH had to bring a plastic tarp and a box down to the beach, so I didnt have to put him on my car seats. Ugh. It was the worst smell. Different than a skunk but bad. . . !
Barbe, I didn't know Apple, but just took a look and saw the picture of her playing the piano at church. And she was buying sugar and food coloring? Another hero.
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Oh Barbe I know. I saw Apple's post and thought oh she must be getting ready to bake cookies for the holiday and then no word for weeks. I hate this disease.
How heartbreaking. She was someone who I loved to read her post. She was always very kind and often the voice of reason when a "fight"broke out on the threads. She will truly truly be missed and I am so sad for all her friends and family.
Hugs to all
Diane
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Thank you for the GREAT and reassuring quote!
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Hi all,
I keep trying to read and catch up to come back and no doing too well. I have missed you all. This forum is so great in that we all can understand the details on what is really upsetting us.
Lindsey I am so very sorry to hear about your cousin. It does make it harder when it is sudden and when it is BC and kids... You sound like you are dealing with the hurt, pain and sorrow as well as you can. I'm so sorry.
And Apple ... I never privately corresponded with her but I have read and followed many of her posts. I am very sorry to hear about her passing.
I will try and catch up...
3jays - I'm glad for your surprise but sorry for all you are going through....
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hi ladies: thanx for all your encouragements.. we're about a week behind moving, cause of the tile; but its gorgeous!I didn't know everything would echo, however, with no rugs!!
We've been killing ourselves trying to move by the right time., but the landlord (old one YEAH!!) is ok with it. I cleaned two whole rooms of carpet today, so i hurt everywhere.. another thing I'll never have to do again, however!!!
I've alsao been under the weather. the wound from the Mohas surgery went south, and i'm suppossed to be hearing from a nurse to come in daily for wound care. since im diabetic, its a worry. Right now, they're "debriding" it ouch!!
Im fighting feeling sorry for myself, but there's so much good going, i keep reminding myself.
I have the anxiety you were talking about, but its FROM depression, called agitated depression, and since my body won't accept anti depression drugs, im out.. so many "pep talks " a day going on..
I''ve never heard of tobi, either, but am going to google it tonight.
I miss you all, and i'm very sorry about your loss Lindsea.. I followed your blog tonight. thanx for the linky..
Im upset about apple, I knew how bad she'd gotten.. she was a bestie to Marybe, I hope they're "chatting it up" right now.. i'm off to sleep, i hope, and onward and upward with more rug cleaning tommorrow afternoon......3jays
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Lindsey- your blog is a beautiful and loving tribute, thank you for sharing.
3jays- I do hope the nurse can help you with the wound healing, that can be scary. I'm sorry anti-depressents don't work for you, I can't take them either. Hope something can help the anxiety though, that is a tough one! Thinking of you!
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LinSea.... I also just read your blog....what a beautiful tribute to your cousin Rhonda.
She isn't with you now, but the memories you had together will last a lifetime. My condolences.0 -
3jays, I had a psychiatrist say to me "Of course you should feel sorry for yourself!!!" That was really free-ing. I know I have the RIGHT to feel sorry for myself, but then I can move on, over or around the feeling. So let yourself feel sorry for yourself, acknowledge and validate the feeling - you have a RIGHT to!!! and then come back here and let us know how you're doing. Sometimes, to "separate" the feeling from me, I'll use third party talk and say "poor Barbie really hurts today!" so my DH knows I'm acknowledging it and he can take extra care with me. Sounds baby-ish but it works for me!!
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3Jays- I had to back track and read yr old posts to know what was going on. Your moving to a house! :-). I love moving in to a new place. I think I like the unlimited possibilties! Where to hang pictures and how to decorate. I am sorry about your leg. I hope the nurse and wound care get it healed up. I kow you don't need another pain on your plate.
Stanzie and Scottiee - thank you for reading about Rhonda. Her funeral is tomorrow. We were babies in a playpen together. It will be hard to say goodbye. This is the first person in my life to die of BC. I know Mary and Zoh on BC.org were terrible losses too.
Barbie, I really like yr psychiatrist! It sounds like he "got" it!
Deb, are you reading? I sent you a pm. I hope yo are doing okay!0 -
Hi all, woke up to snow today. So did some shoveling or actually pushing of snow so I could get to the yoga class. Now I really have some soreness in my muscles. The swelling and the pains in my boob have gone away, tho. But I am getting stronger and this is my last week on the prednisone. (yay!)
I don't usually have a leash on my dog at the dog park, but I throw a ball for her a lot of the time. Maybe it was that. Who said that their dog had rolled over a dead seal? Whoee! That must have smelled.
My DS was home for a few days. He is starting a new job on Monday and came home to help out around the house before being tied to work again. Next Friday is his graduation, so I get to go off island for a couple of days (not for a dr appt!). I'll get some shopping done before coming back home. I am so proud of him.
Can't believe it is the weekend again. ((((hugs))))
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