Great saying about depression
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Hey everyone, riding out the storm. It's been wild, windy and wet! We've had no power for most of the day and now into the night. Luckily this is part tropical storm so warmer than most. Thank goodness for iPad and cell phones and battery operated nebulizers.
Barbe, thanks for the encouragement. I'm hanging in there. I want to feel better by the time my DD gets here next week. I might be a bit optimistic. Will I get some real energy back?
3jays, take it easy. Glad you had time with the grandkids. This is one storm I did not go to the beach to take a look.
Debbie, whoo sounds like quite the project. It will look so nice when it gets done.
Well, I really like the candle light but I keep tripping over the black dog in the shadows. Think I'll go to bed. Shoot, my electric bed isn't going to work.0 -
mac: as for your energy level - rest now, eat well, try and build up your strength for your vacation with your DD. Wishing you a lovely and not too tiring time.
yes, my project will be nice when done....just really need a lot of energy and patience to do this.........yikes, I have 4 months, including my vacation to Kauai to set things up and get ready.
As for my depression, I do think my anti-anxiety med is helping. Feel more energy. Actually only woke two times last night. Not such a raving bitch to my DH. Don't feel guilty for not feeling always good. Things seem smoother. Now if I could just get rid of my constant back pain..........
Be safe all of you in this storm - thinking of you. Stay warm and dry.
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I like to say that I don't have patience...I have time! Seriously, I am the most impatient person I know, but now that I have all the time in the world, I'm finding that I can do the most intricate sewing manoeuvers that I never would have had the patience for before. Go figure!
SO glad that you are getting some get-up-and-go back Debbie!!! All the difference in the world....
And mac, did they warn you how your body was going to react coming off the steroids? Did you Google it? Are they weaning you or cold turkey?
We had only 2 hours of no power last night at 8. But of course, you don't know how long it's going to last, so we went to bed. DH snored while I read by flashlight. The funny thing is that when I went into the bathroom, I still turned on the light (no power!) with a flashlight in my hands! hehehehehehe.
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LOL barbe, same here I would flick the switch and expect the light to go on even tho I was using the flashlight. Then I put the flashlight down and it rolled off the counter and stopped working. sigh. But we have power back today!!!! Those NStar guys must have been working all night.
I am being weaned down on the steroids and up slowly on the anti ds. I feel really strange and just exhausted all the time. I am not driving, so a friend is taking me to MH today. I am being monitored. My cough does not seem to be getting worse, which is good, I think. It just feels like such a juggling act. Better living through chemistry. I already tried that in the 70s and 80s and it did not go well for me.
Deb, thanks for the advice. I am resting and trying to eat well. (no appetite) Drinking lots of water. I am just so excited to see my DD and to get out of here if even for a little while. I am glad you are starting to feel a bit better. When do you go to Kauai?
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Not reading tonight, but came on to make sure Mac was okay..
What a relief to find her here.. glad the electric is back.. thank goodness you did get the battery operated nebulizer.. now that i know your "on" i'll email ya.. will come back and read, later, but for now, its an in bed day.......3jays
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bed day sounds good to me. I did too much gardening yesterday. Can hardly move and tired, but good tired. Go to Kauai the beginning of February with my Max.
At least you are all safe...........
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Hi Ladies - well I am back, and had a lovely time. I wore my mask with attitude barb and didn't catch anything!! I did however break a tooth in half biting on an olive pip!!!We had to find a Greek dentist in a hurry, but he managed to sort me out. I feel like a walking disaster zone. The airline staff were wonderful about assigning me a seat, and they even left the 3rd seat empty on our row so there was no one next to us.
Rhodes was wonderful, and we travelled around the North end of the island by scooter. It was a logistical nightmare trying to get the headscarf off and the luminous pink bathing cap on without exposing my bald self to all the beach. I will be soooo thrilled to get my hair back. I'll never complain about it again. I eventually got a system going, and we stuck to quiet beaches. I looked a bit of a sight though.
We are both keen and intrepid snorkelers, but the first time I went in I was terrified - felt like I would not be able to swim all of a sudden. Funny how you lose your physical courage. Anyway after the first time it was fine, I just couldn't stay in too long as I get cold very easily. Fish tend to prefer rocky beaches to sandy ones, so we always head there. Unfortunately the rocky beaches are also assigned to the nudists. We don't settle on their beach , but swim past. They seem to hate people with clothes. I said to my DH, that I would whip off my top and give them a real eye full. A purple, nipple less, barbie on red bull boob would really give them a fright.
barb - I loved your photo - you looked gorgeous. Glad you had such a nice time with your daughter and grandchildren.
Di - good luck with your surgery. I hope all goes well. Pop in and let us know how you are doing from time to time.
Mac - good luck with your results. Hope they manage to sort you out.
Delilah bear - how is your shoulder getting along? I hope it is feeling a lot better
Has anyone heard if Kate had her genetic testing done?
Stay safe in the storm Ladies.
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Maddie, I am so glad you and DH had a good time on your trip except for the tooth incident. And you even got that taken care of. A great memory. I hope you took lots of pictures. Good to hear from you.
There is a really funny video out on you tube of a shark swimming in the flooded streets of Edgartown during the storm. It was shown as a real thing until you get to the very end and see that it is a man with a shark fin on. Had lots of people going. I don't know how to share it. It was pretty funny. The people on this island can entertain themselves in strange ways. It's the whole Jaws effect.
I hope I get some energy for my DD getting her on Monday. And then we are suppose to fly to FL on Wednesday, but I just saw on the news we might be getting another nor'easter in the middle of the week. We'll just have to see what happens. The hotel called me today to make sure we were still planning on coming because of Sandy. I said sure thing very confidently. so there.
Hey it's friday. Happy weekend!! I am going out for lunch with my radiation buddy, tomorrow, she just got declared cancer free!!!!! Yay!!
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hi ladies..I'm so glad you got your "groove on" maddie, in Greece.. the snorkeling sounds real nice.. i also had some fear when i started swimming for real, in the beginning.. for some reason, still can't jump in the pool, goota walk in, or use the ladder.. small thing, though, considering.. i love to snorkel, but don't know if/when i'll be able to with the physical weakness. im so glad you went. life's too short to be scared and not do what we love..
Mac; i hope things calm down there, so you can get to fla with yur DD.. let me know when, and where, oKay??
I'm exhausted, couldn't do the heart pet scan yet, they screwed up the appt for the 2nd tine today.. gonna switch places, so it'll be awhile again..
I can imagine the shark thing in Edgartown, ac.. my kids and i had to watch "bruce" being built every day. we were up that summer ( the fake shark in jaws) for the rest of you..
I'm feeling really overwhelmed, with packing, and being so tired.. but doing two boxes a day (but not today) and just promising myself this is the last time..
Gonna go take something to sleep.. its funny, i get so overtired, I'm exhausted, but can't sleep grrrrrrrrrrrrr. night now.. 3jays
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3jays, I understand needing a sleeping pill to sleep when you are exhausted. I have to do that sometimes, too. My DH doesn't understand, but I do!!! It's like being over-stimulated and not being able to turn my brain off, or something like that. And you have SO much on your plate right now!!! Two boxes a day is a reasonable target. If you try more, you'll just hurt yourself and not be able to do any! Have you arranged for who is getting your excess furniture that you're not taking with you?
Maddie, SO PROUD of you for rocking the mask!!! As for your bald head at the poolside, chuck 'em!! If they can't handle it, "they" shouldn't be staring at you!!!!
mac, good luck on Florida!!! Geez, when is it safe to travel anywhere?? My step-mother has a condo on a small island off the coast of Cancun, Mexico and finally (after 7 years!!!) invited my DH and I to go. I had to say NO. Hurt like hell, but I just know I'd spend the whole week in bed making up for the flight. Then I'd get on the plane to go home and spend the first week at home in bed making up for the flight home!!! Too bad, so sad. She should have invited me years ago when I could have made it. I had finished a wall quilt that she LOVED and she wanted me to come down to Mexico to get the sense of her condo and colours and lighting so I could do one to co-ordinate with it. She was pretty surprised when I had to say no, but maybe she understands better just how bad I am....you think?
Come out, come out wherever you are Kate!! We need to hear the good news as well as the bad....hope you are well!
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Hey everyone- No bad news, just really busy so seemed like a good time to take a little break from BCO. My D(step)D just got married! It was only a 6 week engagement with an outdoor wedding 2 hours from home so things have been pretty crazy for weeks. The wedding was absolutely beautiful, though, so it all came together in the end and now we have a wonderful SIL!
Good news for me- BRCA came back negative so no oopherectomy and my pelvic US came back clean, too. So time to move forward with all this medical *&!$. I do find myself using the "C" word less and less these days but am still struggling to find something to replace the BC obsession. Not really sure what direction to take right now.
I've been off here for too many weeks to comment on everything but hope everyone is doing well!
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So glad to hear you were away for GOOD reason Kate! I do know what you mean about bc obsession. I've been off work since a year last June and have so many other medical issues, it's been pushing the cancer further away until I just had 4 surgical biopsies done on the 24th of October. I won't get the results until the 19th of November. 2 were on the scar line, one on my arm (not too worried about that one) and one was the mass in my abdomen! It was about 2-3" of ugly yellow crap!! With dangly bits.... Probably a limpoma but they have to disect it due to my history. Congrats on the new SIL...babies soon?????
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barbe- Sorry to hear about your biopsies. Hope you get some good news as well.
I DO hope there will be some babies soon. My DD said they are going to try right away as she is 28 and wants 6 kids! She said she has to "get a move on"- lol! She wants to have 3 of her own and adopt 3 from different countries. (She must have an Angelina Jolie complex or something.) But I would love nothing more than a house full of grandbabies!
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kate: im in the same boat as you.. too tired to go back to read and asnwer tonight.. but came here, hoping for news from you.. i'm so happy no surgeries in the future for you, you've had enough!!
and the wedding! congrats!!!hope you're a "granma or nana asaP!!!
off to bed for this tired ole gal.night.....3jays
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3jays- Thanks! It feels good to finally feel like I can truly move forward medically. As far as grandbabies- my DH and I were talking about what we would have them call us someday- Grandma, Nana, etc. Since I would be Grandma Smith I thought Granny Smith and joked they should just call me Apple. lol!
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Kate, you made me laugh when I read that you thought your grandchildren could call you Apple. What then, pray tell, would DH be called?
I know nowadays many grandchildren have special names for their grandmothers: GoGo, Gigi, Grams. Thing is, at a young age, children, they pronounce things differently so sometimes that way a special name is given.
Max's first word was 'Memo' which I think was 'my Mum'. Then, for about a year he called me Debbie as no one else called me Mum. Many who we knew in NZ thought this was scandalous. Funny. I then got Jerry to start calling me Mum and he did too. At 19, he still calls me Mum or Mummy and Jerry is Daddo.
I am so happy for you that now is your time to leave some of this medical stuff behind. And it is stuff. I really hope you persue with your artistic talent, such as photography and/or writing. You have a gift with words.
The three of you just glowed in the wedding pictures. DH looked so well and Jesse, handsome and growing up too fast. You had the sparkle back in your eyes and your smile seemed to come from within. You deserve some peace.
I have to say the anti-anxiety med I have been on for about 10 days is helping. I feel more alive, not so negative, short tempered or sad. I am getting back into projects and actually finishing them. I say yes to drugs! Even my back doesn't hurt as much. Maybe because I'm more relaxed. You think?
3jays: I know you are tired but remember all of this is for a good reason, moving into your own home. Plus a great opportunity to get rid of all that you don't need. It will be worth it.
mac: have a lovely time with your DD and best friend!
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Hi Ladies - just checking up on you all. Kate I am so glad you were having a nice time, and were not sick, I was worried about you as I thought it was bad news!. I am so happy your genetic testing went well.
Kate and justagirl-I found both you on the uncomfortable implant site. Thanks for your suggestions both of you. I was very down to see even when the permanent implant is put in it will probably still be so uncomfortable with the clamping. My DH and I both seriously considered having it taken out when I have finished herceptin. I was taking it on the chin, as I thought this terrible discomfort was only temporary, but I can't imagine this for the rest of my life!! I am researching the fat grafting for next year when the permanent implant will go in, and then I will make a decision. Exercising and stretching seems to make it worse - must be the pectoral muscle in spasm. My arm tingles badly and gets so tired when I exercise, but I will keep them up in the hopes this too will pass.
I go back to work soon, so will not be on here so often, but I will keep checking in on you all, as I regard you all as friends.
3jays - moving is sooooo tiring - really feel for you.
barbe - I am so sorry you have to wait so long for your biopsy results. Good luck with that. What was the problem with your scar line? What made them decide to do a biopsy?
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Maddie, I have to report that it was a year in October since my last surgery to exchange a smaller implant on the LD side for one to match the other side. It just takes some time. I have to balance out my physical activities - like if I go out and garden for 6 hours, that night I am in agony. So it's two or three hours Max, and I rotate what I am doing so my body is in different positions. Usually I have about 3 jobs going at once but this works well for me.
Lots of rich creamy lotion around my implants and on the scar tissue has kept it quite supple now. In winter, which we are just over with, my skin was always dry, so sometimes I was putting lotion on three times a day. I don't wear bras anymore as I can't comfortably tolerate the vise-like feeling around my chest. See I have breast reduction scars from 10 years ago also, which run along the base of my breasts and in the center up to where my nipple was. I have 3D nipples and aerolas which I am very happy with. Your pec muscles should settle down and it does take a few months for the numbness in your arms and hands to go away completely. I find if I do too much it's worse.
Bottom line: it gets better. Supposedly the tempary implants are very uncomfortable as is the filling process. Complain, bitch, moan. If your permanent implants are the right size for you and not too big for the pec muscle, with or without a LD flap to help support it, you will actually forget that they are there. I do now.
And the best thing is I don't think every day about BC. I allow myself to think about it, but don't find the urge/need so often. And I'm not so scared of everything.
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HEY!!!! Did we miss a wedding picture??? Where is it? Can you post it here for us Kate...puleeeze???
Maddie, have you considered LE?? With you saying your arm is tired, that sounds more like LE. I got to the point looking for mother-of-the-bride dress years ago that I had to hold my arm up with my other arm!! Doi! Ended up being mild LE, but I nipped it in the bud and it hasn't gotten worse. Get it checked out, sweetie!
Debbie, glad to hear you're feeling better! I have to pace my SEWING times just like you do your garden times! I can only sit for 2-3 hours and then HAVE to lie down. Yesterday I met with some bco sisters and we walked an outlet mall (indoors!) for 2 hours and I thought I would DIE! But I got myself home before I did. Die that is.
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Thanks - justagirl and barbe. Hope you are right that it will get better. I am a radiographer and it is a very physical job. I was known as "The whirling dervish" at work, but I feel like a party popper that has been pulled at the moment!! Couldn't bear the thought that I could not pull my weight at work and more. I am 55, and always took on the hip clinic, as I am very good with the elderly. I helped them physically such a lot - getting on the bed etc, and it is exhausting work. Don't think I can do it now, and am freaking out about it, as the elderly really appreciate a bit of extra care. The walk to get to our department usually tires them out, and they can hardly lift their legs up. Will have to get the youngsters to do it now.
barbe - I don't think it is LE - it is not swollen at all. The muscle around the clavicle and armpit is just tight and really tired. We are a very active couple normally, and this feels almost like a slight physical disability to me. The clamping over the chest has improved slightly since I finished chemo, bit it still goes on every day and night. It is so uncomfortable sleeping.
justagirl - glad to hear you are finding the implants not too bad now, it gives me hope. I just want to make a more informed decision this time around. I had 5 mins to decide my course of action last time, and I was so ill I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. Please be brutally honest- was the fat grafting terribly painful? I have a high pain threshold but just like to know what I am letting myself in for. The pamphlet on inflation said it was not painful, only slightly uncomfortable. Thought I was a big baby, although I never complained, until I mentioned it to the physio, and she started laughing. It was only then that I realised everyone finds it terribly painful. I don't want to have only one breast, but I would rather have one, than have this discomfort forever.I want to be able to canoe again.
I don't have any feeling in three quarters of my breast - it is totally numb. It has been 4 and a half months now since the op - will I get any more feeling back?
Thanks ladies - you are such a help to me.
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maddie - I didn't have fat grafting. My PS doesn't believe in it and says it's more dangerous than it appears, and success rate is less than 50% They are very conservative here in Australia. There is a site here dedicated to fat grafting - you might check that out. I understand the site from where they take the fat hurts for a while afterward. To be honest and blunt - a reconstruction of a breast will never look like what you had. I had my PS take photos of my breasts, one with the LD flap and the other without from about 2 feet away. In photos they look like perky perfect breasts. Then I stand in the bathroom under the bright lights naked and pick out the imperfections.....not a good idea for my sanity. I look great in clothes and even have cleavage even with my implants being small. We all have different pain thresh-holds tool. I do know, more than not, that women I have heard of and from do experience from mild discomfort to terrible pain with the saline added on each fill. Please, just make sure your implants are not going to be too big and stretch your pec muscle and superficial skin. With implants, we don't need much to have perky boobies. Oh, and I have no feeling in my breasts. I'm waiting for the time when I am gardening and I stick a branch into one of my implants!
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If fat grafting involves liposuction then it IS painful!
We are doing less and less of fat grafting up here in Canada due to the high failure rate as well.
Maddie, is the muscle tight or is the skin tight? Even a teensy little swelling can be painful!
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Yes Barbe, to get fat for grafting, it has to be sucked from a fatty area of your body.
As we age, skin doesn't like to be stretched, so that is painful and can lead to thin skin, which makes it delicate and fragile and not great for suturing. Skin stretched to it's limit can look shiny and more pink than rest of tissue, also you can get the stretch marks just like many of us got with pregnancy.
A muscle can be stretched a bit, but has it limits. Unfortunately I don't know of too many women who have had mastectomies without pain during the process or residual discomfort afterward. All I have now is tightness along my scars if I don't keep massaging in creamy lotion.
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Debbie, surgeons don't touch the muscles anymore during mastectomies unless the tumour is imbedded in the chest wall. So we get modified radical mastectomies on the cancer side and simple mastectomies on the non-cancer side. It's when you put the tissue expander or TE underneath the muscle that you get the pain. I didn't get recon so my mastectomy was basically, as my surgeon said, a deep tissue cut. That's it. No organs, bones or muscles involved, so relatively painless, and I have a very LOW tolerance for pain. I had my DH rub in Glaxol Base cream from the minute the wound started to heal and that kept tissue from scarring or tightening. I have no residual pain. Thank God!
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thanks barbe - I should of clarified my aforementioned remark. It all had to do with a breast that has a TE and the reason why the TE is put in rather than the full size permanent implant.
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hi gals, just anote to letcha know, another.. bacterial infection!!!so, down in bed again!!!been thinking, praying for you all.. and I read, even when i don't post.. dont know nuffin bout the tes, so veryy quiet hahaha 3jays
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rest up 3jays, and get well soon. Sounds like your immunity is down with all the stress of the moving.
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Ah crap, 3jays!!! Enough already!!! I hope you get stronger each day, in readiness for your fab move!! When is the happy day?? (I once stayed in bed for 3 months after a move...it almost killed me!!)
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thanx for the good thoughts re moving, gals.. we got a bit more than 2 boxes sat., and i hope a lot more tommorrow.. hubs is off work tommorrow.. Now, to not kill each other, while we figure out what to do with all the stuff!!
i'll be so glad when we can actually MOVE our stuff, instead of packing it!!
we haven't gotten "approved" from the condo board yet, thats' the hold up.. we've lived here 4 years, but they don't know wether we can live here, or not.. bull hocky!!anyway, everything that can be, is going out the door..i'm not saving anything for the "mythyical Yard sale my sons' having, but cancelled 2 times, now he's going away for thanksgiving, so, it went to goodwill sat.. like someone said .. someone will get some use of it!!!
the guys who's selling us the unit, also gave us a rental agreement, as a last ditch.. im pretty sure we;ll get approved.. they just wanted another fee, like the one they got 4 yrs ago, I think...
the seller is giving us all his furniture, much nicer than my 2nd hand stuff, so lots is going.. tommorrow, the bedroom stuff we're not keeping. we'll live out of boxes for awhile, but it feels so good we needed a good purging..
I'm still down with the bacterial stuff. it takes a long time to beat, cause the dr does topical tx.. washes antibs thuru my nse and ears..
i react so badly to so many drugs, its safer, that way. since the bacteria, (i have 2 strains now) is colonized, it'll never die.. it just gets beaten back, and i feel crappy till we beat it down enough..
my middle son is staying with us, but working a LOT (which is a good thing) and he tries to help,when we ask..he'll be more help, when we get to the actual moving stuff. (i hope)
now i had the surgery on my ear #1: the hospital "declined" me for anesthesia, so he put in a bone drilled tube (for antibs as well) in his office. i have to get a neuro's ok to have anesthesia for the balloon they want to insert in my ear. so, i don't think we'll get that approved...thats' my news.. except. i wanted to tell justagirl: this is the one, and hopefully, only time I rented.. have owned 4 houses, so far. but, bc wiped out our credit, so we rented here. i HOPE i'm done this time!!!!
hoope all is well with everyone.. Mac, did i miss your visit to orlando?? and where are pics?? if you can't post.. email em to me, and i will.love you guys, and miss ya..sorry this is so long.......3jays
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3jays: how are you doing? I'm worried about you..............
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