Great saying about depression
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Hey Ladies! Just checking in and wanted to wish everyone a happy Easter or Passover, whichever applies.
Determined sorry about your neighbor, cancer truly sucks. My friends mom died two months ago after a 16 year battle with ovarian. She had many years in remission but not enough. Since my diagnosis every death from cancer seems harder to bear.
Kate go for it if you can work out a payment plan if needed. Trust me I am self employed with a $5000 deductible and $7500 out of pocket max which i will hit for the third year in a row. It's getting to the point where my savings is dwindling. I worked out a payment plan with my Oncotype dx test which for the record was $3500. I definitely think the quote you got seems like a pretty good price. See what payment plan you can work out with the docs. They're always willing to work with patients,..right??? I am like MBJ ,mine aren't perfect but pretty close. I get my nip done in two weeks and I am sick over it. I am so nervous about it but I know I will really be able to fully move forward once i have all my recon surgeries behind me. Like I said previously I had three revisions and was completely amazed at how much it lifted the dark cloud I was under.
You gotta do it to make you happy. Worry about the bills later
Good night all, I hope everyone has a good weekend ...and that you don't have the soggy weather we do in Baltimore.
Di
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MBJ- From what I have read, with the technique Dr. K uses you don't even need to have much excess fat for it to work. I'm 5"4" and weigh 115 and he said it would be no problem. I think there's only been like 3 times where he had to tell a patient they weren't a good candidate.
Di- Thanks for the encouragement! Am hoping if I go ahead with the revision it will go at least a little way towards getting me out of this funk I have been in. Not looking forward to the logistics of all of it but no pain, no gain, right? It will be 5 days in Miami but what's 5 days if it works? Hope you are doing good despite the gloomy weather. It's been almost 90 here so would welcome some of your cooler weather!
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Didel: The nipple made all the difference in the world for me!!!
Kate: I'm with DiDel: Go for it!!!
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Before the diagnosis of BC I loved to dance. I wouldn't say I was good at it but I enjoyed to get on the dance floor. After I was diagnosed about 2 years ago I gave up on it. I just about quit doing everything I had once enjoyed. Last night for the first time, I danced. Something happened and I was dancing and screaming and I had fun. Fun, there's a word I barely use to describe myself as lately. I have been drowning in a world of depression even with medication and support groups. For the first time last night the old me was back stronger than ever and I loved it! My friends wer even amazed. The best part is that I wasn't indulging in alcohol. It was me having fun.
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veggy- That's wonderful! I used to love to dance, too, but now when I try I can't seem to "get my groove on". I wasn't sure if it was my depression causing me to no longer love the things I used to or if it was trying to dance with a body that no longer felt like it was mine. We have a circle of friends who love music, and several of them are musicians, so anytime we all get together there is dancing involved. Sometimes I get out there but just feel like I'm going through the motions. It's no longer natural or comfortable. Your story gives me hope that it's all just part of the process and that we eventually are able to get back to the person we used to be. Thanks!
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Veggy: I have had two instances similar to yours this last month! One, I joined in on a community bike ride where they closed down a 7 mile route to downtown where no cars were allowed. This was the first time I rode my bike in two years or more and I was crying for the first 30 minutes I was so happy to be alive! A couple of weeks later we went out to celebrate a friend's birthday and I had a ball! Maybe it just takes almost a couple of years before we start to feel like ourselves again. I know it takes 2 years for chemo to be out of the body! So glad you are finding your way back.
Kate: There is a saying "fake it till you make it" and I think you just have to keep putting yourself out there-you will get yourself back! We all will eventually.
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MBJ- Thanks! Just woke up in a funk today. Bad fibro day, everything hurts, so that doesn't help. I'm focusing on the revision while still stressing about the job hunt. I've got to learn to take one thing at a time I guess. Tonight we are going to a friend's wine tasting party. I'd rather stay home in my p.j.'s but I'll "fake it" and go. Wish I could fast forward to a year from now. Wouldn't that be nice?
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Kate: I so know how you feel and I still have days like that. It's not always easy to move forward when we are in pain but when we shut ourselves off from life I think it is even more painful. I feel as if I have been asleep for a very long time and I just woke up but the world has moved on. But I am also grateful not to be on such a fast treadmill-sometimes taking care of ourselves is more important then pretending to be fine. It's a hard line to draw and to decide what is best for any given moment. I try to now only do things I really want to do and even if I don't feel great if I think I would feel worse not participating, I do it anyway. I think a year makes all of the difference in the world. Right now our entire life is on hold until I get through all of these procedures and dr visits and I just want to be done. Hugs!!
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Today I am wondering why my legs are so sore.
Dancing.
I am so out of shape!
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Veggy: Good for you-it sounds like you had an amazing time!!!
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Due to my surgical procedure on my bladder on Thursday, I was taken off my Arthrotec for a week prior!! Can you say pain??? Hard to tell what is FM and what is arthritis right now.....sigh...
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barbe: So sorry to hear this and I hope it passes. I find I hurt less when I keep myself overly warm and get my body temp up. I don't know if it will help you, but it's worth a try. Hugs!
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barbe- Sorry you're having a bad pain day (week?). It's so draining to be in constant pain so I can sympathize. Be extra kind to yourself this week. I find the only thing that distracts me from my pain is watching a really good movie or t.v. show. It's the only thing that can kind of make me forget how much I hurt. (Until I need to get up to make popcorn, of course!) Hope this week goes by quickly for you so you can get back on your meds.
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()_() (>.<) (")_(")o HaPpY eAsTeR eVeRyOnE !!!
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()_()
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(")_(")o. HaPpY eAsTeR eVeRyOnE!
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Kate: That is sooooo cute! You too and everyone else!!!
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barbe I hope your pain subsides soon.
Kate I can't wait to hear what you decide. I still have not sent Dr. K my pictures. I am so indecisive right now.
Veggy good for you!!!!!!
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Kate! I'm SO impressed!! Great bunny, right down to the tail!
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I was feeling guilty staying in bed reading most of these two weeks off, and then it hit me. If I was away on vacation, I'd be lying around a pool reading! and having naps! Then coming home to be glad to be able to be on bco....
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I really enjoyed dancing again. It was impromptu. I was there to cheer a friend on in a singing contest and during break they played some dancing music. I boogied on down but got stuck on the floor. No strength in the legs to come back up. Its good to be able to laugh at yourself instead of crying. Thanks guys!
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Veggy sounds like fun!! I need to dance! I was going to go out this weekend but my hairdresser (whom I adore) was trying to get me to cut my hair short in the back to make the top longer, and long story short, she sort of hurt my feelings saying my hair has no shape. NO SHIT it's a completely different texture. I hate it and its so think on top. I just dont want her to cut it cause i want it to grow. I finished chemo almost a year ago and my hair on the crown of my head is so short. i hate it!! So she made me depressed and i thought if i went out and had a drink i would cry all night so I stayed in and baked. I am with you kate sometimes I just can't fake it but I know i gotta keep getting out there. I hope you're right MBJ and once the nip is done I will feel better with recon behind me. Although one thing that's held me back lately is my sinuses. I am scheduled for sinus surgery May 20th so I hope after I am heeled from that I have no more excuses.
Hope everyone had a great Easter/Passover. Barb I will be thinking of you this week and hope all goes well.
Good night all!
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DiDel- I'm sorry you're feeling down. I didn't have to go through chemo, but as someone who has pretty much gone through her entire adult life hating her hair, I can sympathize with that! Sorry your hairdresser was so insensitive. I think you're beautiful, short crown or not, and anyone who can't see that is an idiot! (((HUGS)))
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I posted this a long time ago but if someone needs a laugh check this out-
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DiDel: Sorry your hairdresser was so insensitive! I don't know if you have gone there before, but I also hang out on the Hair, Hair, Hair thread and get and give lots of great advice on getting our hair back. Are you taking anything like Biotin, using Nioxin Products or the generic rogaine? I do all of these and more and it works great! I have also used some amazing products that have gotten me through the different stages of hair growth--can I just say, lots and lots of product to get it to not look like fur and look like hair. Hugs!
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The Boob Fairy!!! I love this! I remember when you shared this on the Exchange City thread-Hysterical, LOL!!!
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Diane!! I am SO sorry that your hairdresser had the ability to tumble you like that!!!! You have so much more than just your hair going for you and I know that you know that. There must be something else going on for her comment to hurt you like that. What's happening....???
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DiDel sorry that happened. I have started pointing out to people in a nice way when they make insenstive comments. Maybe that is wrong but I kind of think they need to understand and if I can help them understand that means a breast cancer survivor coming behind me may not have something out of line said to them.
Maybe you let her know gently how it made you feel? I hope you feel better and celebrate you today!
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thanks all. i know it's stupid but some days I just feel so ugly I hate it. I know it's shallow but I have the misfortune of having gorgeous skinny girlfrieds with long flowing GORGEOUS blonde hair. I hate going out with them lately cause I feel so frumpy and ugly and FAT. Speaking of which I caught a glimpse of my weight on my chart which I hate to look at and even step on the scale backwards to avoid. AND i knew I gained weight since I've been so inactive and depressed (and eating lots of easter chocolates and cupcakes) but I am 12 LBS heavier than I thought.
I have an eye infection, plantars wart, sinus infection, deviated septum, collapsed nasal passage...let's see what else oh yeah my email account was hacked this morning and spammed all 400 of my contacts and someone tried to access my bank account via my debit card. Thankfully BOA recognized it as a fraudulent activity and closed my card down immediately...bad news is I was in line at Trader Joes buying groceries and had my card declined!! 
I immediately called the bank and had to stay on the phone with them so I could withdrawal $100 from my bank account to pick up my rx tonight and pay my copay tomorrow. I started back on my healthy eating and ran 4 miles with my Charlie the past two days. I just hope by my 45th bday in September that I am done with surgeries and feeling good about myself again. I almost have to laugh cause on the bright side of today some people I hadnt heard from in a while called or emailed since they received my spam.
I know I will be ok I just need to come here and vent it out loud since no one else really understands. Also, MBJ I do go to the Hair Hair Hair thread and was taking your advice with the nioxin and biotin but i stopped for a while as I was going through all my revision surgeries and couldn't take the biotin but trust me after my sinus surgery I am taking every supplement I can swallow for my hair!! Thanks for listening.
Diane
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((((DiDel)))): I thought that I had seen you over there! Know this--after one year from the beginning of chemo and 4 trims later (which was November) I still had pretty short hair. By January 1st I finally had all of my hair about the same length and it finally started covering my ears. Those were the lowest most self loathing times I have ever had: toe nails went black, finger nails went black, top was balder then the rest, kinky, frizzy hair, bad skin, more wrinkles then I have ever had in my life, half of my face fell (I think I had bells palsey) and man did I look and feel ugly! It's not vanity, for me I don't feel good unless I look good and it's only now, 1 1/2 years after chemo that I almost look like myself again and it takes alot of work!!! Especially the hair--I use 5-8 different products on it every day plus a flat iron to get it to resemble hair. I was more devestated about my hair loss then my breast! So I do know how you feel and I just started working out again last week and I am trying to lose a few pounds. Give it time-we will all eventually get our lives back! BTW: I have had a security breach twice in the last two years and had to change all of my payment info. Totally sucks.
Barbara: Isn't tomorrow the day for your scan? Sending you many good thoughts!
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((((DiDel))))- So sorry for everything you are going through right now! It's hard enough being depressed and dealing with one issue at a time. When the universe starts drowning us in s*** it can be absolutely overwhelming. I wouldn't be able to get out of bed and you're running 4 miles? 4 MILES?!?!?!!!!!!!! You're my new hero. I can't even drag my sorry ass up a flight of stairs to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes. (And, I too, have gained over 12 lbs. due to my recent crack-like addiction to all things candy.) I think you need to throw yourself a "Happy Birthday to Me" party in September when all this is behind you. Lots of friends, and even more alcohol (maybe skinny girl Margaritas?)! I know we'd all be there if we could! (((((MORE HUGS)))))
I'm feeling a little overwhelmed myself. I finally confirmed May 13th for my revision surgery in Miami though I'm dealing with insurance issues with them. (His assistant was arguing with me that the new implants would not be covered. I fired off a copy of my insurance benefits that stated they were, and quoted her the "Women's Health and Cancer Rights Act of 1998" that stated that group health plans have to cover implants and she is now saying she'll "look into it". Maybe in light of the fact that I can't find a job lately but employee incompetence bugs the s*** out of me! How the hell can you work for a PS who specializes in breast recon and not know that breast recon is covered by insurance? I mean seriously!!!! Anyway, dealing with that, trying to figure out who to see regarding my hypothyroidism, thyroid nodules, uterine fibroids, need new glasses, need new driver's license, blah, blah, blah. Depression just makes everything seem like too too much. Hell, DiDel ran 4 MILES (new hero, new hero) and I can't even seem to take the first step. Feel like such a baby. A big (and growing bigger every day) baby.
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