Great saying about depression
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Barbe: I am working, at a very slow pace. I did get a call last week for a fairly big job that I bid last April so I am hoping this goes through as I haven't made alot of money these last 2 months-just spending what I made the prior few months.
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Good for you! You are pacing yourself and keeping in control.
You ladies will be so proud of me!! I went to Services Canada, stood in line, and then publically stated that I needed financial assistance. The lady said, "Okay, when you quit your job...." I said I coudln't afford to quit it so she sent me across town to another office. I went to Social Services, and again publically asked for assistance (SO embarrassing!). I was given a phone number to call and sat in their resource centre on hold until I got someone. We went through all the questions and then she said I made too much. They will only assist if we make less than $1,052 a month. She did give me a phone number to call for the gas company and I'll do that this afternoon.
Let me hear the clapping!!!!
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Barbe: You get a huge A+ for effort!!!! I have paperwork sitting on the dining room table waiting for me to fill in the blanks.... I still work part-time data entry which doesn't bring in much but keeps me sane. Our SS & my retirement aren't much & prices just keep going up & up with no end in sight. Even with good health insurance, we're eating into our "capital" at a huge rate. I have to do something but the thought of asking for help is terrifying to me. But THEY won't say yes if I don't ask. You do give me encouragement though - THANKS!
Martha
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Barbe: I had to go on disability 15 years ago for a couple of years and I got the state to pay my rent one month, got a couple free bags of groceries, some gas money--They really help when you need it and there isn't any shame in survival! Are there any cancer resources in Canada that could help you? There are so many here and many are private companies and you fill out a form and they give you money. Big hugs!!! Wow, that wouldn't even cover our rent!
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You guys won't fucking believe this!!! Where did my story end above....let me continue.....
So I called this service for people who have trouble paying their utilities. The lady said 'are you about to be cut off?' I said, no, I'm ALREADY cut off for about 2 weeks. She was horrified and said that the guy Luke was off till Tuesday, but that they could only pay 2 months worth at most. So I left a message for Luke to call me.
Luke didn't call me today, so I just called him. He said they could only help with 2 months of debt (about $250) if they were guarantteed that my income EXCEEDS my expenses!! I laughed and said if it did, I wouldn't be calling you!!!! He said he couldn't help me then, but gave me the number for the United Way, as they will pay up to $500. I called the United Way and finally got a live body to talk to and she said 'Are you with Hydro One?' I said, No, I'm with Enbridge. 'Oh, too bad', she said, 'We are out of funds for Enbridge. Sorry.'
That's it. I'm too fucking poor TO BE poor!?!?!??!?!
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Dear Barbe, I am so sorry you are getting this run around with no good news at the end. When I was losing my medical insurance I was funneled from one service to another, seldom getting a person on the end of the line. Have you tried Catholic Charities, if that is an avenue open to you in Canada? I either made a dollar amount slightly higher than Social Services allowed or too much to be considered poor enough. It is a recipe in frustration when trying to find help.
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Barb so sorry you got the run around and no help!
so frustrating. I wish I knew of a way to help you..I don't know what's organizations are out there to help you but there must be something. I had a similar problem years ago when I was unemployed and ended up hospitalized. I applied for medical assistance at the Catholic hospital I was in and they said I made too much money...I said I'm on unemployment $250 week..they were like yup too much..I could just pay my rent and utilities..I remember my mother having to buy me groceries. Then I applied for medicaid...that was a waste. To qualify you had to make less than $75 a week. Really the guy standing on the corner with a coffee can makes more than that! I feel for you girlie and I hope something comes through for you.
If I ever win the lottery I am setting up a charity to help women so that they can focus on feeling better and going through treatment rather than how the bills will be paid. I made good money but this year has been a tough one and I am just about through my savings.
Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day for all of us!!
Diane
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I have decided to go on short-term disability. My 'bank' of sales to be delivered has almost run out so that means I will soon just be getting minimum wage!!! But, if I apply now for disability (stress leave, we're going to call it) I will get paid based on my last 26 weeks, which were much better than minimum wage. My DH is now working (minimum wage at 62, can you believe it???) and I won't need the $50-$60 a week for gas!! So it will probably work out to the same as when I was working!! I'd get 15 weeks paid off......the whole summer. I could get a walking program started and work on my sewing room and all sorts of things just for ME. Instead of going in to work and sitting in my office without any sales at this location.
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Barbe: Keep reaching out--there has to be money for you out there somewhere. Just keep asking here on these boards and reach out to the hospital where you and your DH are receiving care. I say go for the disability!!! Big hugs!
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barbe- So sorry you are having to deal with all this! I hope the disability thing works out for you. You definitely deserve a break!
Has anyone heard from Stanzie? I haven't seen her on her in awhile!
Just posted new photos on the picture forum, after my revision and fat grafting, if anyone's interested.
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I don't have the password to the photo page, are you pleased Kate? Was it worth it???
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barbe- It was definitely worth it! I wasn't so sure right afterwards because the first week was so painful but I am so glad I did it. I'm now pain free. (Well, at least where the implants were concerned.) And everything feels and looks so much more natural. I feel like I can finally move forward and not have to think about my boobs all the time! LOL!
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That is SO great Kate!! I was worried it'd all be for naught.
How are the issues with your DH coming along? Will he be retired by his company? Will they put him off on disability? Will they give him a desk job? What is his mental health like? Is he handling it well. Gee I'm full of questions today, aren't I?
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barbe- He's actually doing remarkably well.....or he's in complete denial. He is on sick leave right now. He will use that up first so it'll be about 3 months until he goes out on disability. He is grounded indefinitely unless a) his meds are cleared by the FAA which would probably take 10 years or b) they come up with a cure in which case the FAA has to approve the cure which would probably take 20 years. So he is now permanently "retired". It really makes no sense for him to take a desk job because he would take a huge pay cut. He'll actually make more collecting disability from being a pilot than a real paycheck from a desk job. Crazy, huh? The new meds don't seem to be helping at all, yet, but the neurologist said it could take about 6-8 weeks and it's only been about 4. He also said he could add another drug to the cocktail if this one alone doesn't work. He's been having issues with dizziness and low BP on it, though, so we'll have to see what the Dr. says. He's actually enjoying being home, though, and has been a nonstop maniac with his home project honey-do list.
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Yeah KATE!!!! I knew you'd feel better...it makes a big difference moving forward when you feel like surgery is behind you!
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DiDel- Thanks! If I never ever ever see the inside of an operating room again it will be too soon! LOL! Hopefully, I've filled my quota! How are you? How's Charlie? Is he all recovered and driving you crazy again?
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I hear ya Kate!! I've had 6 surgeries in 18 months and before BC I had my tonsils removed when I was 6!! I never want another surgery ever!
My Charlie is recovered and doing well. Im learning to better pick up my used tissues and shoes so as to not lead him into temptation!!!
I decided Sadie and Charlie's medical care deserved better than picking a vet out of convenience. I interviewed a vet yesterday and she does a lot of holistic treatments and Acupuncture!! I love it as my babies are very sensitive and she seems very gentle and soft spoken. I am meeting with another vet Monday.
I was just reading a post on another thread of someone who is obviously disturbed and picking fights with others. I don't understand why women with BC would be so malicous to each other. I am choosing to believe she was not a BC patient but rather a very disturbed individual who has nothing in her life but a computer.
Ugh I just had to get that off my chest...I was afraid to say anything (more than I did) on that thread as I don't want to get banned .
I need my BCO girls!!Happy almost FRIDAY!!
Diane
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Hi all,
I've been swamped with all the end of school year stuff and getting two of the kids off to camp. Barb- how awful everything you have been going through... sounds like you are working things out till you can find more information. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be to deal with a spouse who can't deal with financial matters - I can up to a point imagine some of it as my Mom had brain tumors and she would seem totally coherent and lucid and then do the strangest things... we did finally take the paying of bills away from her but it was very hard. Hope things start working out for you.
Hi Kate - I sent you a PM - hope you got it. Hope you are not near all the fires! Awfully scary.
I'm going in on Tuesday to talk to my PS about revision of the "pillows" under my arms. I'm nervous about it but just hate the feeling and hate how it looks. I went online and looked at reconstructions and got myself throughly depressed. I just so miss my real breasts.... I find it hard to feel attractive and so then it is hard to care how I look so have gained weight and ..... so don't know how it will go with the PS. Also will talk to him about my nose. Just terrified about having that worked on again but so miserable not being able to breathe so....
Will be driving my son up to camp. Hate driving especially long distances but we will stop at two beaches! Haven't seen the beach in at least 5 years probably more so I'm looking forward to that as the ocean and watching the waves is very healing to me.
A most horrible thing happened - a boy in my son's class lost his Father. It was a total freak accident where he had just finished playing Racketball and was in the parking lot and from what they gather he had started the car but then dropped something like his sunglasses out the door so he reached down to get them and his foot slipped off the break and the car went forward pinning and crushing him. Just so totally horrible. Just feel like so many things are out of whack right now so just feeling sad and anxious.
Well, gosh now you all are probably sorry I'm back with such an uplifting post! Sorry. Kate, so glad you are happy and MBJ am thrilled the resetting of your temp is helping so much- very exciting.
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Stanzie- We've missed you! Sorry things are so hectic for you right now. My DS is going off to camp in a few weeks, too, so I understand how much effort that takes. Sorry, too, about the recon issues. I hadn't realized you were having problems with that. It's so hard to get ourselves psyched up to do yet another procedure when we thought we'd be done with all this **** by now. I totally get it. I was so depressed the past 9 months I put on a bunch of weight, too. Now it's hard to get motivated because it's 100* outside!
That's horrible about that poor boy's Dad. It's weird when stuff like that happens. It always makes me realize that you never know when you'll see someone last. This guy goes off to play raquetball and never makes it home because he tried to save some sunglasses. So bizarre! I feel bad for his whole family.
I'm sorry you're sad and anxious. Maybe just taking care of your nose will help? Sometimes it seems so overwhelming when we have too many things to deal with at once. Hope things settle down and you can take care of the issues that bug you the most like breathing and boobs! What is causing the "pillows" and how do they fix it?
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P.S. I didn't get your PM. Not sure why. (BTW, we are about a 100 miles to the south of the fire so no danger. It's just so sad, though. It's the 2nd biggest fire in Arizona history and has now burned an area of land in northern Arizona that is as large as the entire city of Phoenix (over 500 square miles). It will take decades for the land to recover.)
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Stanzie: Wow, such a sad story! BC really made me realize how fragile life can be-one minute you are here and it can be taken from you in an instant. So hard for this boy's family.
Kate: I have been so out of touch I didn't even know there were fires near where you live! I haven't been to Arizona in at least 12 years and Northern Arizona is so beautiful. Such a shame! We have had so many fires near where I live that I have lost count but I am glad you are safe. You look amazing, btw!!! They are just perfect!!! Hope your DH's drugs work for him. I don't know anything about this type of diagnosis, but I hope even though he is grounded from flying he will find other things to do and enjoy. Maybe together you will find something for both of you!
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Hi Kate, well will have to figure out what I said in the PM - LOL! I'm sure it was riveting! Can't wait to see the pictures but I had my password reset and somehow it didn't change when I went to the site so have to go through a bunch to get back on but I'll do it next time I have a few minutes.
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MBJ, does Kates look as good as yours? I was tempted to get recon when I saw yours, but then Kate was going through her crap with hers and really. You remember I've been seeing a therapist? 3 sessions so far. On Wednesday she told me to go on disability, get assistance from the government for living, get a school loan, go back to school and GET RECONSTRUCTION!!!! Can you believe that??? I said why recon? She thought I was 'punishing' myself by not reconstructing, somehow 'letting my dad win'. I said no, actually, my dad would be spinning in his grave (if he had one) as this flat look would kill him! I said I have no desire due to arthritis to get my load back on my chest. My neck arthritis is so bad that I have neck spurs that poke into the back of my throat and I choke on food. Do I want that back? I think NOT!!!
Does anyone else find it weird that she'd be so direct?
When I told her I was a happy person, she said how can you be??? and listed all the crap in my life. She said there is no way I am happy, perhaps I am just surviving. But I think I AM happy. I see the pretty flowers of summer and see joy and all that crap. Do you guys think I'm unhappy? I have a LOT of reason to be unhappy, but I'm not.....am I??????
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barbe- I find it weird that she is making these judgements after only 3 sessions with you. How could she possibly know in that short amount of time what is best for you? And what kind of therapist tries to convince their patient they're unhappy? Usually they help you to see the good in life. She sounds like she needs to spend some time on the therapist's couch or go back to school. She apparently missed some key classes. As far as you being unhappy I think we all have periods of happiness and unhappiness no matter what our circumstances. Personally, I think it's AMAZING that you always seem to be able to laugh and find humor in difficult situations. As far as recon, no one should ever EVER tell another person what they should do with their own body. Only you know what is best for you.
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Barbe: I have gone into therapy on & off during difficult times and I have to agree with Kate--sounds like she is progecting how she would feel going through what you are going through! It would give me pause as to whether I would continue with this person. The most helpful therapy I have ever had was when I could just unload about what I was going through and when I was helped to achieve certain goals. Reconstruction was key for me putting myself back together and actually getting a better, new and improved cancer free me. I didn't want what I had before--I wanted something different and that was my goal. If I were in your shoes my goals would be to get out from under your very stressful job, getting my finances under control (also to reduce stress), and being able to have time to just process all you have been through. It isn't anyone's place to say get recon or not but maybe one day you will decide that it is a better thing for you and then you can take the steps to do so. Only you know what your priorites are. I am really glad you are gettting help!
As to how Kate looks after her latest surgery--she looks better then I do! She was able to keep her nipples (my cancer was too close
) and hers just look like she never had an MX which is the best possible outcome. You don't have to have large, heavy, cumbersome breasts--this is the beauty of recon--you can get something that works better for you! Kate is now pain free, has soft, natural feeling breasts and they look great, too Big hugs!0 -
Thank you ladies! I knew you'd give me an honest answer...I think you're right about her projecting what SHE would feel if she were me. Good point.
Okay, I'd love to be in home decorating, but that's not a money maker especially starting at my age (53) (you've got a network already MBJ....). I got to do it by furnishing model homes where I am now (did 13 model homes in 2009!!!), but they've dropped down too. What should I do? Me and Kate can get whole new careers. I like photography too, but that's not a money maker either. When I started doing wall quilts I ended up opening a sewing store so I could do it all day long. Don't want to do that again.
Any ideas on a career change? What's out there??
Kate, your breasts much be magnificant then!!! because MBJ's looked amazing. I am not envious but truly happy. Someday I might get little bumps put back in, but then I'd need nipples....also it's cold in Canada, what if my implants got cold? I hear you can feel that!
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Barbe: With extensive fat grafting Kate says hers aren't cold at all! As for jobs in Home Decor, I took what I was doing before, kept my clients who had become close friends plus I have a friend who is a Designer and another who is a General Contractor which allowed me to work for myself. I don't know how what you have been doing can translate for you but some of the areas I looked in were Project Management and jjobs that allowed me to work from home. Here in the US there are companies that look for people like yourself with a decor background to go to private homes and sell their products. I ended up not having to go this route but it might be a way to go to get a client base. I have a former co-worker who just before the economy crashed, went to work for a furniture manufacturer. He was laid off 6 months later, however, he took all of the connections he made while working there and started his own business doing the same thing and using the same workers and builders. It's not very ethical, but in a tough market having the same product at a lower, more affordable cost is very attractive. Some people transition from selling in retail to going to work for the manufacturers of the products they sell. Some people work for several. Go back to school and take classes that will enhance your business knowledge and up your skills. If I were to take classes right now, I would take marketing classes, computer design classes and interior design classes to fill the holes in my education ( I am self taught). If I wanted to go full board and work 12 hour days and make lots of money, I would get a ton of insurance and go after property management jobs as I know I could do a better job then most. Sorry, I am rambling!
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barbe- I think MBJ is being too kind but the last surgery definitely made an improvement. If you ever do decide to do recon you don't have to have a "load on your chest". You can make them as big or as small as you want. I really think this fat grafting is going to be the way of the future. My PS in Miami is creating entire breasts with just fat. Fat is so much lighter than implants so it really feels like breast tissue. And MBJ is right- mine are now as warm as the rest of me!
As far as a career I'm still trying to figure that one out, too. Prior to the economy crashing I have never not gotten a job I applied for. It's such a crush to the ego to get turned down 3x now. I need to set my sites else where but have no clue where. Even recent college grads here can't get jobs.
Does anyone watch "Extreme Couponing"? I decided my new job should just be saving money. I'm reading this blog "Couponing 101" and she gives all kinds of tips on how to save money and where to get coupons. She said she can save 50% off her grocery and drug store bills. I figure I might as well try that while I look for work!
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Kate: I just know that you will find your niche--The interior design industry is pretty rough right now and if it weren't for my already established clients, I am not sure how I would be doing. Not to say I am making lots of money: I have had one deposit of $300 in the last month so business isn't exactly booming. I bet you could save lots on coupons--I try to buy what is on special or on sale but many coupons are for foods I don't/won't consume and the same goes for products. Since BC I try and stay in the outside aisles buying fresh only but a sale is a sale and I love a deal!
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MBJ- There are a million coupon sites out there now where you can print out your own coupons just for the things you buy! Of course, I'll probably spend a fortune in printer ink! lol! I used to kind of be in the interior design business. I was the assistant manager of a high end home furnishings store called CoCo Milano's. It was a retail store but they also did in home decorating and I would go with the owner on installs. It was fun but the owner was also a friend and after opening up her own business she turned into the boss from hell so I quit. Now I kind of wish I had stayed. She's decorating a 12,000 square foot house right now from top to bottom!
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