Great saying about depression
Comments
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Lindsey I just sent you a private message with the article pasted.
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Determined- I love what you wrote about the honesty of the journey. I really think that is what we are all trying to do here. I think it can be hard for some of us to admit we are struggling with all of this because BC patients are always depicted as strong and courageous. The story always seems to end with her being cancer free but I don't think any of us truly feel free. I wish for once someone would do a story on the life beyond.
Congratulations on the Nurse Navigator course. I think you would be amazing at that. I think it would be an incredibly rewarding career. To me it's turning this whole awful experience into something that would help others. Good for you for pursuing it and for your DH for supporting you 100% of the way. Good luck with everything!
Lindsey- I'm sorry you are looking at another surgery. No one ever warns us that it can take so much longer to put us back to together than it did treating the cancer itself. The work you are doing with a body trauma specialist sounds very interesting. It sounds like something all MX patients could benefit from. How did you get in touch with her?
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Wow!! Do I ever feel invisible!!
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You know, I've done a lot of supporting and hand holding on the whole forum as well as this thread. Someone jumps in and accuses me of dissing her, I make a grand apology, then with a little research, find out her accusations are groundless and that's it. It's all over? Thanks for the support ladies! Everyone just went on their merry little way, no one jumped in to help me or even respond to me! In fact, it was quite specific in the following posts that people were named before a comment was made. Just to make it even more obvious that I was ignored!
I am hurt and disappointed. Very disappointed. With almost 13,000 posts on bco I feel I've brought a lot to this site. Maybe I'm wrong. Let's see how this little rant is handled.....
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Barbe, you have brought humor and support to this thread. Please accept my apologies. I have felt in the past that you have misread my comments, as I said in the PM not all the time at all. But it is hard without facial expressions and tone to always know the intent.
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Determined, you have cut me down in a thread where I used to feel safe! I have spread my heart and soul over my posts here and now feel very vulnerable. I am so disappointed to see that there was no support from the other ladies, or comments even!!! Makes me wonder why I bother logging in every day....
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Barbe I am sorry you feel dissed and not supported. I seem to always be about 8 hours behind on this thread. You know we all value and care for you deeply here and you most certainly add to this thread and many others with your quick wit and well spoken words. I don't think determined meant to hurt you..It sounds to me like a misinterpretation of tone in the posts. I hate to sound like a p&$$y but I try to stay out of people's arguments on the threads. After all the drama in the Alternative thread I just prefer to avoid conflict.
WE LOVE YOU BARBE!!!!!!
Kate WOW what a lousy pathetic man! Your poor friend. I am glad you got out and were able to be there for her. BTW your comment on synchronizing cycles made me LOL.
Determined your BNC course sounds awesome!! I loved my BS's nurse coordinator she is so great and gives me so much comfort when I talk/meltdown to her. Also thanks for the information on the research study with Dr. Love I am going to check it out, sounds very interesting.
Lindsey sorry you are having to deal with more surgeries. I will tell you though I had several revisions and after the last one I was definitely able to move forward some...baby steps. I truly believe once you have recon behind you, you will feel so much better.
Everyone thank you for the kind words...the losses have been rolling in a little too much for me lately but I guess it's a good slap in the face that YES I am still here and need to start really getting back into my life with a little more zest. Claire also thank you for reminding me of that as well, I am really excited and so looking forward to Sunday in a way I haven't in months. I do feel really good that my recon is almost complete. I met with my super sweet PS today and nip looks good so bring on the TATTOO...so now I will have two things I thought I would never have in my life...breast implants and a tattoo
On a much lighter note...my PS gave me a birthday present today....he gave me a giant discount on my botox today ...
I can't wait till this kicks in...wow what a difference it makes. Post chemo I feel like I looked 100 years old...in ten days I will look ten years younger....WAAAHHHooooo!Anyhow, I am a little high right now on demerol...botox gives you the worst headache ever...no pain no gain.
Good night ladies!! Hugs to all!!!!!!!!!!
Diane
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barbe1958: I love your comments. You always put a much needed smile on my face. Please keep posting.
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hey barbe: i sent you a pm; but wanted to stand that i love your comments. i think there's been some mis reading, and certainly some feeling hurt...lets all try to do better... and try to understand each others personalities better.. remember where we are. a thread on depression, and supportiveness has to be of the utmost importsnce!!
so, i hope no one gets mad at me for that..im just sayin.......3jays
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barbe1958 - I love your posts and the support you give everyone on the BCO site. Please keep on posting and supporting.
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Barbe -- I hope you feel the love!! Your posts are always true to the heart and I respect that. Obviously, on a board about depression, we all need to be wary of how tender we all are.
Meanwhile, I had full intention of starting to exercise now but my morning hot flash says run to the freezer instead!0 -
Claire you just made me LOL. I meant to ask earlier, how long ago did you finish chemo. Are you having full on hot flashes? I had warm flushes and horrible night sweats for about three months PFC. My doctors told me I was most likely NOT going into menopause since I really had no symptoms of menopause. THANK GOD! the warm flushes were bad enough. He also said the only way to know for sure if you are in menopause is if you go without your period for two years since it can take that long to come back. Between surgery and chemo our bodies have been through a lot and it takes a while for your system to get up and running...so to speak. I had not been getting my period regularly but I think it was more from the 6 surgeries in 18 months than chemo. I am 44 for the record and was like clockwork up until my 3rd round of TC. Then I got my period 5 months PFC, then only 4 times since September. Hopefully with this one I am back to normal. Hope you find some relief soon.
Diane
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It is just shocking when you realize who your friends are are who disappoints the most.
My BFF of 20 years made so many empty promises when I needed her most. I saw her for the first time today 2 weeks after my last chemo infusion. The last time I saw her was 2 days after my first - thats 3 months ladies. She promised to be there with me during every infusion or at least a few days after. She didnt call during that time, but I received the occasional text. When I asked her about that, she said communication is a two way street.
Well after some infusions, I would spend a week in bed due to the after effects of chemo or steroids. Some days I would cry all day. I have a hard time phoning people right now, like what do I have to talk about - my latest side effects, my eyebrows/lashes falling out etc.
At a point in my life when I NEED my friends most, I am not one who is dependent, but this time I am for the first time ever, I am shocked, simply shocked who is there and who isnt. After I honestly shared my feelings that built up over the past months, she said sorry that I feel that way and left.
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BC sorts out who your true friends are in a short time. All of us on this site have been through or are going through the trenches of emotional stress. Appreciate the friends that are truly there for you and let go of the ignorance and insensitivity of others. Some people just dont get it.
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drdolittle: This person was my BFF, we were very close, I am devastated beyond belief. She treated me like her sister, her family.
Sadly though her older sister died from bc 16 years ago and I feel my dx brought all those feelings and emotions back. She couldnt cope with going through it again.
Anyways I am heartbroken. I would have never guessed in my wildest dreams she would abandon me. Typing this with tears streaming down my face.
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Deb sorry you are heartbroken and have been so let down by your BFF. I know the feeling..actually I think we all do. I have a group of friends I have had since I was 10, the 6 of us have been through quite a lot over the years with husbands kids and life in general. I would say my BC was the biggest issue we all had to face. They were all there for me and one woman my bestie even went to every chemo with me but as soon as I was done chemo everyone thought I was OK. I had my TE exchange surgery a few days before my birthday (scheduled to fit into my work schedule) well we girls usually go to the beach that weekend every year...when I first got diagnosed everyone was like of course we are not going to the beach without you...its your birthday...we're here every step of the way...NOT. Not only did they all go to the beach, I was left scrambling at the 11th hour for a ride to the hospital and someone to stay with me that night. I felt like such a loser like I had exhausted everyone...worn out my welcome. THEN to make matters worse not one of them called to see if I was ok or to wish me a happy birthday. Out of 5 women I now only talk to three of them. Shamefully the one who took me to chemo said in an email after I poured out my heart about how scared I was for this surgery said simply that she was going and then said I hurt her feelings cause I should know how badly she needed this trip and that unless I apologized she was no longer speaking to me. Seriously that's what she said..I haven't spoken to here in almost a year. Yes it hurts but on the plus side of things...some people have stepped up in a way I never imagined. Those are the people I will have around me as I continue to heal physically and emotionally. Maybe in time I will try to mend some of the friendships Ive lost but for now. I have no energy for that. I have to focus on healing and staying positive. That is one reason I cherish the friendships I've made here. I would put this friendship on hold until you feel ready to have a honest conversation with her. Sometimes, people really don't realize how rude and hurtful their comments can be.She may surprise you if you tell her how you feel and she might step up.
Hang in there sweetie and remember everyone is here for you...vent away!
Diane
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Diane: thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry you had to go through that experience with your friends. I too would be deeply hurt they didn't rally round me in my time of need. I guess they all have to live with themselves knowing how you felt going into surgery and not being there. I'm actually lost for words to tell the truth.
Yes I guess I feel like a pitiful loser right now. I opened and poured out my heart and soul to my friend. I counted on her and believed her when she said she would be there time and time again. Today was the straw that broke the camels back. She didn't like hearing what I had to say.
She let me down again, while not intentional, I don't think she can cope with my dx, it's heartbreaking. I expected more and would have preferred honesty than empty promises time and time again. I hung on her word and turned down other people that were willing to help me. I don't have any family that live close to me, they were prepared to fly to help me, but I stated she was coming for my last tx.
I have shed so many tears these past few months, mourning for so many losses that continue compounding. It doesn't stop.0 -
Deb - I understand completely... I do believe some of our "friends" don't know how to deal with it so they stay away and then, in my case say that they thought I needed my space!!!! WTH....What they are really saying is - I don't know what to say so I'm staying away....I wish you find what I found out... For me, the amazing part was my church family that came to my aide when I needed help... people I didn't ever think of calling, showed up, sent me cards, and called me... You really learn who your REAL friends are...
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DebRox,
This journey is oh so painful and I am so sorry that you have been let down by your Bff. It is unexplainable. Cherish the friends that are there for you. Appreciate the ones that do show up, call and send cards. My Bff went off on her tangent when I was dx and I havent seen her since the day after Christmas. I know its hard.
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Deb and Diane-- BIG,HUGE ((((((HUGS)))))).
It's so hard to believe that people put their discomfort or fear above their friendships. I just don't get it. I like what Gma said--I don't know what to say so I'm staying away--. I think many people just don't know how to deal with something as raw as cancer. They don't know how to react, don't know how they can help and are frankly afraid to ask. And I think some people are just plain selfish and don't want to burden themselves with helping a sick person. That does take some level of commitment both with time and emotion. It's like they have a hole in their soul.
It is amazing who does come out and offer support, a phone call, a meal, a hug. One of my part time employees was so sweet during my chemo, she called to check on me, baked me cookies and a couple of dinners. My boss, on the other hand, or any of my fellow managers for that matter, didn't offer any help at all. And the sad thing is my friend and co-worker was DX w/ BC the month I finished chemo. I tried to be there for her, but probably not as good as I should have been. And I feel guilty for that too. . .
Anyway, your anger towards your friends is totally understandable. I know we are not the same as BFF's, but we are all here with our hugs and love!!!
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BTW Diane, I finished chemo 2 days before Christmas 12/23/2010. I started weekly Taxol in July2010, my last period was in August. In October, I started 4 rounds of AC. I had been regular as could be until then. I had night sweats for the last couple of years, but these hot flashes started when I started the tamoxifen. And I mean HOT!! My body temp goes up, I have that whole aura thing before hand, its not fun. The odd thing is, I haven't had a night sweat since my BC DX. My gyn onc was adament that the AC killed off any eggs I "might have had left" (nice way to make me feel OLD) so he was POSITIVE I was not just in chemopause. I wish I could trust that--it would be nice to have one good thing come out of this mess!!!!!!
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Awww Claire that was so sweet.
Deb also keep in mind you are so early in your diagnosis. You are allowed to cry and meltdown. I think some people think Cancer is contagious. I think I am a reminder to my friends of their biggest fears and the fact that they dont even go to the doctors. I;ve been having mammos since i was 35. Some of my friends at 45 have never had one and rarely see their GYN. So I guess facing us is too much reality for them to handle. Like Dolittle said appreciate the ones that are there for you. I keep some people at a distance now not really discussing my treatment or health issues with them at all...keep conversations light unless they specifically ask. I used to share everything with everyone, now I realized not everyone really wants to hear everything. Some people just cant cope. Ive gotten to the point with some people that I don't fault them for not being able to handle my reality. BUT for someone Ive known since I was 10 and confided everything in..I dont cut her one bit of slack. I am just not sure I could ever forgive her.
Like I said try to put that on the back burner for now...focus on yourself!!
Good night ladies...group hug!!
Diane
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DebRox- I don't know if it helps but I can completely empathize with what you are feeling. My BFF went completely MIA during my treatment and I shed many a tear over it. Months would go by without hearing from her, I would break down and call her, she would apologize for not being there for me and then....months would go by, rinse, repeat. I'm very nonconfrontational but finally sat down and wrote her a long heartfelt letter about how I felt and her response was that she was going through her own stuff because she had empty nest syndrome. Let's see- I lost my breasts and her kid went off to college. Not exactly the same on life's stress-o-meter. Unfortunately this has happened to almost all of us and it is one of the phenomenones of the cancer experience that's the hardest to understand. It doesn't help that it's happening when we are the most vulnerable. Just know you are not alone. When you're in a stronger place take the time and decide which relationships are worth salvaging and which ones get thrown under the bus. I've had both- the ones worth saving are a little damaged but not irreparable. And the ones I decided I needed to jettison? Those I haven't missed a bit because I realized they weren't what I thought they were in the first place. And by getting rid of them it's made room for other truly wonderful and amazing people to come into my life in their place- some that I've met right here on BCO. (((hugs)))
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Claire glad to see someone else can't sleep! My onc said it could take up to two years for your period to return and that the tamoxifen takes about 8-10 months for your body to get used to so your hormones are in flux until your body adjust then it plateaus. I would give it some more time. Have you tried acupuncture for your hot flashes? I did it for a multitude of chemo se's and it was amazing. I felt great after 4 sessions. I love acupuncture,...its my new treatment for whatever ails me as I can not take another pill.
Good night East coast gals!!
Diane
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Hi all!! I hope everyone had a good weekend. I attended my friends engagement party yesterday and it was so much fun. I think for most of the day I just felt normal and didnt think of BC...just laughed ...drank and ate. I day away from BC...We should all do it more often.
Back to work...just wanted to say hello!!
Diane
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Ladies: I am backtracking on the thread a bit: could the last 3 weeks of nonstop hot flashes be my insomnia cause? They do not wake me up, but this is month 3 w/o a period and I am getting about 8 - 12 a day. I feel generally " not myself"... and have a hard time falling asleep.
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Diane, sounds like a perfect day!!!
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Moogie...I never really had full on hot flashes but did have night sweats during chemo and they for sure woke me up. Since my period returned I havent had night sweats or warm flushes...THANK GOD! Are you on Tamoxifen?? I actually used to have so much trouble sleeping mainly due to stress. since going through everything Ive been so fatigued I have no trouble sleeping...just waking up
Yes Barbe it was a good day..i feel like I am slowly re-entering my life. It feels good and i finally feel ready.
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moogie- My hot flashes/night sweats seem to come and go but definitely have trouble sleeping when they are here. I think with all the temperature fluctuations I just never feel like I'm getting into that deep REM sleep. Not to mention getting out of bed several times during the night to click on the a/c. Mine were horrible for months but then suddenly stopped. I know the anti-depressant Effexor is supposed to help with hot flashes. Or you could ask your GP for a sleep aid just to help you get into a deeper sleep. Good luck.
DiDel- So glad you had a great time at the party! You deserve it! Glad you were able to shut off the BC part of your brain and just have fun!
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Diane--I am so glad you had a great weekend!! Isn't it nice to take a mental break from all this? Last night was a bad night for sleep. I intentionally didn't take my Ambien, hoping to go to sleep unassisted. Got to sleep ok but woke up at 3 with a massive headache and could not get back to sleep. Ick. Oh and hot flashes didn't help either. It's weird--before BC I used to have night sweats, haven't had one since. Just HFs. If I had to choose, I would rather have the NSs, they are quick and over in flash--no pun intended!! But these darn HFs seem to go on and on. . . maybe I should pray for my period to return-----------NOT!!! : )
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