Great saying about depression

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  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited August 2011

    I went off the new antidepressant.  I was making me sick as a dog.  Think I'd rather be depressed!  Also, ask my GP to retest my thryoid since I had an abnormal test results back in March.  She took it upon herself to order a whole blood panel without discussing it with me first.  She basically replicated a bunch of tests I just had done prior to my revision.  Then I see the blood tests totaled $896!  Granted, my insurance will cover most of it but not 20%.  (And our insurance is self funded by my DH's company so these costs come right off the bottom line of our profit sharing.)  I called the doctor's office to complain saying I had never requested these tests.  Their answer was she was trying to find out where my fatigue was coming from.  I have been seeing this doctor for over 20+ years.  Hello!  She knows where my fatigue comes from- fibromyalgia, chronic insomnia, depression and let's throw BC in there for good measure.  I swear!  Do Dr.'s get kick backs from the number of tests they order or something?  I am not a happy camper right now.

  • Jen42
    Jen42 Member Posts: 71
    edited August 2011

    Kate -- oh man, it seems like nothing but crappy news for you this week. And aren't you guys having record-breaking heat? Hang in there....sending hugs...Jen

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited August 2011

    Thanks Jen.  It's you girls that get me through!  :)

    Just heard this song for the first time and thought about all of you.  I'll try to post a link-

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxIt70j_SPk 

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited August 2011

    I just heard about this organization- Army Of Women.  They're focusing on finding the cause of BC rather than the cure.  Check it out at armyofwomen.org.  Seems like a great organization!

     
  • cmbear
    cmbear Member Posts: 674
    edited August 2011

    Ok Kate. Thanks for the good cry. Needed that!! Big hugs back to you!!   I second the recommendation of AOW, check it out!!

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited August 2011

    Claire- When I watched the video I was bawling like a baby!  Nothing like a good cry for the soul, huh?

    I just signed up for a research project on Army of Women.  They are looking at social networking and it's effect on the cancer patient.  No better social networking than BCO! :) 

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited August 2011

    Yes I signed up too! Last week someone here was talking about it...was it determined?? I thought it looked very interesting as well and i have Dr Loves book that I have found so very helpful. I got some survery last week basically asking what I'd be willing to give and just the basics of a BC diagnosis. I think its time for a cure, no more different chemos CURE.

    Kate thanks you made me cry too. You ladies are my rock too. God knows there is no one here to support me through anything these days. I sent out an update to people saying all was good at my onc appt almost two weeks ago and my friend who went through everything with me...and is an ONCOLOGY nurse at Johns Hopkins..WHO OWNS A BLACKBERRY..just replied to me what great news...Tongue out raspberry noise...to her email. that is the first Ive heard from her since Memorial day.

    I am trying to get hurricane ready...I have a problem with my porch overhang and I am so afraid its going to collapse. I hate riding out a storm alone! Always alone. Cry I feel like taking an ambien and going to sleep. I feel in the dumps...stressed and blaaaahhhh

    Hugs to all that need one...

    Diane

  • Jen42
    Jen42 Member Posts: 71
    edited August 2011
    Diane -- at least with bco.org you AREN'T alone when you get online. Oh, here's what I was thinking regarding the recent East Coast earthquake and now Hurricane Irene coming your way -- did Mother Nature just find out she had  breast cancer or WHAT ?!?! Surprised
  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited August 2011

    Yes Jen somebody PI$$ED her off!

    I know I just wish I was on West Coast time...I get the emails but sometimes I am too tired to respond. I am always reading though...

    Good night ladies!

    Di

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited August 2011

    Diane- Wish we lived closer 'cuz I'd come over for a hurricane party with you!!!  We'd get out the flashlights, a good bottle of wine, trash talk men and listen to the storm.  I'm there with you- if only in spirit!  Sorry your friend doesn't realize how lucky she is to have you as one.  We love you, though!!!!

    So here's what my horoscope said today-

    It's difficult for you to slow down enough to sink into your emotions, especially if you're afraid of what you might discover. Once you let the distractions fade away, you could be pulled into the dark recesses of your imagination where a clever turn of phrase isn't sufficient to bring you back into the light. If, however, you have the courage to be patient, negativity will dissipate and you will return with treasures from your journey within.

    So good to know my negativity is going to dissipate, huh?  lol! 

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited August 2011

    Thanks ladies..I know I can always count on  my BCO sisters!

    Ok my niece (15) was looking up her name in the Urban Dictionary so I thought I'd look up KATE

    kate2242 up, 473 down
     A girl's name. Most girls named Kate are gorgeous, clever, friendly, lovely, generous, kind, have a good sense of humour, are quite spontaneous and make the perfect girlfriend.I love Kate, she's so Great!
    That Kate seems very friendly
  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited August 2011

    Mine said some other stuff ...but this definition I liked the best...LOL

     diane 
     Someone who can get naked in 2.59 seconds.
  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited August 2011

    Diane- LMFAO!!!!! You've got skills!

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 2,604
    edited August 2011

    Diane.. too funny..here's a hug back at cha...

       and one for you, Kate, as soon as i can stop crying! i hadn't heard the mcbride song before... i emailed one to my DH as well as to me.. thanks so much. gonna go google the army of women next..........3jays

  • cmbear
    cmbear Member Posts: 674
    edited August 2011

    Diane, you crack me up!! Mother Nature sure is being a bitch to Virginia and surrounding areas. Wonder what she's mad about!! We have had a few feeder bans, which actually kind of cool in a weird way. They come on quick, you can see the clouds rushing in the sky, the wind whips up and cools everything down, and then beautiful, blue and pink skies. Course we are 250 miles out. Dodged a bullet this time. Several years ago when we had that summer of 5 hurricanes, we went out and bought a generator. AFTER the hurricanes. It was our insurance policy--it has worked great--we haven't had a hurricane since. Best $900 we ever spent!! Still sitting in the box. And it can stay there!!!

    Diane I would love to come up and have a PJ party with you this weekend!! We could serve hurricanes and listen to Jimmy Buffett.

    Kate- here is my daily (((((hug)))))) for you. Wrap up that negativity and throw it in the trash where it belongs!! You deserve better. (I am better at giving advice than taking it)

    3jays- arent' we lucky to miss out on this storm? Did you get any rain down south? 

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited August 2011

    Diane,

    guess you have done everything you can to be prepared for the hurricane.  I experience two while living on Kauai, the last in 1992 - just 10 days before we were due to move permanently to New Zealand. You and your pets, just stay low and away from windows.  Bathrooms are quite safe as the windows are small and you can cover it with cardboard, or under stairs.

    I'll be thinking of you..........

    Kate, I am hoping physical therapy gives you some relief.  I started at 6 weeks post-op and I think it really helped. Now I'm looking at another surgery next month to elevate the implant on the side she used the LD muscle so guess I'll be back at the physio.

  • 3jaysmom
    3jaysmom Member Posts: 2,604
    edited August 2011

    cmblastic. thanks for asking. we got little beader bands.. a funny story about your generator. hope it keeps the luck; cause it'll probably cover me, too..

       Kate, i'm praying the pt will work. i know i had some tightness from my port site, stretching, and when they worked it (i still have to) it helped. it hurts while doing it; but it loosens in time..

     Diane, we'll be praying for you; remember we're there, so you're not alone. you have all of us behind you.... let us know as soon as youre safely out.........3jays

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited August 2011

    Earthquakes, hurricanes.....makes me glad I'm in Arizona!  We only have scorpions, snakes, gila monsters and 3rd degree burns from steering wheels!

    Well, after doing some research I figured out the absolutely best place to do post-MX PT- then found out they don't take my insurance.  Big bummer.  So back to square one to find 2nd best place to do post-MX PT.  

    I'm off for a salon day- color, highlights and cut!  Gray roots no more!  Should I go blonde?  LOL!  Then I'm going to have a little retail therapy.  Found an absolutely GORGEOUS china cabinet online at a local consignment store.  DH said he'll get it for me for our upcoming anniversary!  Wish me luck with new do and new cabinet.  Hope it's as pretty in person!  Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!!! 

  • MBJ
    MBJ Member Posts: 3,671
    edited August 2011

    Hi everyone!  I have been reading but not speaking, just down in the dumps.  Still have a black eye and it looks like I might have to have further surgery because it looks kind of weird.  Makeup covers only so much.

    Kate:  I love, love, loved my PT and only wished my insurance had approved more visits.  It made a huge difference and I hope it does the same for you.

    Didel:  I just flew through a thunderstorm on my way home from back east and, call me weird, but I find weather exciting.  Maybe because it's almost always the same weather in California.  I hope your house holds up--we will all be there for you in spirit.  I have never been in anything but earthquakes so I have a hard time imagining a hurricane.   

  • MBJ
    MBJ Member Posts: 3,671
    edited August 2011

    Army of Women sounds like finally an organization will focus on something other then poison,burn and slash methods of "curing" cancer. 

    Sad day--I live in a small 8 unit building and I am the third woman to get cancer while living here.  The woman down stairs-can't remember what type of cancer she had-well her daughter is packing and moving her things out which means either the chemo isn't working or she needs to have full time care.  I hate cancer--she was going through several types of chemo treatments over the last year and wasn't doing too well. 

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited August 2011

    Kate,

    Re: physiotherapy

    I had to pay for all of my physiotherapy sessions as our private insurance and medicare didn't. Each session was $60 and I went about 10 times.  I was worried about the cost as with the downturn of the economy and real estate sales slowing up, our monthly income got halved just when I was diagnosed last year - not good.  But, my husband said I needed to have the physio and he was very supportive and didn't complain about the cost.  I felt physio helped give me back 100% of my flexibility and almost all of my strength, which was amazing considering I lost the latissimus dorsi muscle on my one side of my back and I have scoliosis also.  My posture has improved  and it really reduced the pain I felt on my back where the incision is and around the implants.

    My physio gave me exercises to do each time at home between sessions and she wrote the exercises out so I would have specific instructions to follow.

    I had to call about 20 physio's before I found one who knew what to do with me because of my implants but it was so worth it.  The physio has now become a good friend, which was an unexpected bonus.

    Now I think I will follow Kate's lead and make an appointment with the hairdresser for a trim (as my hair is still too short for my liking) and maybe I will be daring and get some blonde highlights as my hair naturally dark brown.  Maybe he can cover the gray that having BC gave me too.  Guess he can't do much about the chemo curls though.  After having long straight hair all my life, looking like Shirley Temple has taken some time to adjust to. Do you think blond highlights is too much for me at 58?...yikes, a few weeks away from 59!

    Hope you get your china cabinet Kate - my DH never even remembers our anniversary....

    MBJ- sorry to hear your nose isn't healing as you wished it to.  Seems like everything gets more complicated once BC comes into our lives.  I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up!

    It's pouring rain here.  Not as bad as the east coast of the US is dealing with but not very helpful with my depression.  Being outside and working in the garden or walking always helps bring me up a bit.  Ya know Kate, with your temperature being as hot as an oven, it might be a major factor contributing to the degree of depression you are dealing with now....and did I read you stopped taking your newly prescribed anti-depressant?  By the way, go blond Kate - they are supposed to have more fun than us brunettes.....

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited August 2011

    Hi all, I've been reading too but not posting.... Have been so very tired and the pain in my legs keeps me from sleeping. Diane - wish we could all come and help you ride out the storm, I hope you have neighbors who will come help you and check on you if it gets really bad. Just saw it was downgraded to a 1 but I guess it can still pick up speed again. Hope it is not nearly as bad as they think. LOL on your getting naked! I agree with the one for Kate.

    Kate - isn't your hair reddish or am I nuts?I just went to my hair guy - so nice! I so hope you find a PT who you really like and takes your insurance. A good PT can work wonders. So still no idea what is causing this pain? Wow, I can't imagine, I'm sooooo sorry. 

     MJB - I'm also sorry about your nose.It seems like an awfully long time to still have a black eye, doesn't it? Or am I not following well enough on everything. 

    Anyway, wanted to check in with you all. Been pretty down over everything and worried about my son, He had  a rough 1st week of H.S, and my other son may have Tourette's. And I just have been more tired than usual plus the not sleeping doesn't help. Well you all know what I mean with the two different kinds of tired one sleep deprived and the other tired from MS tired which sleep won't fix. It is also frustrating when you try and explain this most people still don't understand. Ok, well will try and go back to sleep.... Hugs to all and hope things calm down for everyone and for Mother Nature...

  • LinSea
    LinSea Member Posts: 127
    edited August 2011

    Kate - how are you doing? I keep thinking of you. I just read your post again and had a good cry when I read your last line "I just want my normal back.".



    I fear we will never get back our "normal". I hear ladies talking about the "new" normal, but I was really happy with the old! :-). I know life is about change and growth, but what a heck of a way to do that. Honestly, after sitting in breast cancer support groups, reading, and quarterly testing, since I was DX seven years ago, I still had NO idea what a MX entailed or what your chest felt like afterwards. This has been eye opening, and now I have a new admiration for anyone who has journeyed this.



    On a happier note, maybe some of you read the post on my blog "The Full Catastrophe" (wolfwail.wordpress.com) and at the end I surrender and say "pass the baklava". Yesterday I got a box of baklava in the mail from an Armenian woman I know. OMG! It is the best. These serendipitous things make me believe we are not alone, if we just let others know our struggle. I had another good cry of gratitude before I ripped off the lid and dove in! I wish I could share it with all of you!

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited August 2011

    Hi All!! Thanks for the kind words and thoughts and glad I could give you a chuckle on the Urban definition of Diane...LOL

    MBJ Sorry you are still blue (and black from bruising)  have you tried some Arnica Montanna?? My PS gave it to me before every surgery including my sinus surgery NEVER a bruise. Also, I had a giant puppy induced bruise on my leg and after two days on Arnica it was gone..two more days later it was completely gone.

    I am just sitting here waiting for the storm watching Hot in Cleveland marathon on TVland. It is hysterical if you need a laugh. I am so stressed about this stupid hurricane. I may need an Ativan to get through it.

    Hope everyone is well...I will check in later provided I dont lose power or internet.

    Diane

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited August 2011

    Hi Hadley!! I have read your and responded to your prior post on another thread and I am so sorry for everything you've endured. Its times like this that I wish we were all closer for an actual hug and really rally and help you out. I hope things are going better with your dad. You mom however is another story. I just still cant comprehend hearing your mother say such awful hateful things to her own daughter. I struggled with my relationship with both of my parents as well but nothing like what youve had to deal with. I think as most of us say here a BC diagnosis brings out the best and worst in people and really weeds out the ones you dont want or need in your life anymore. I can only imagine how hurtful it was to hear those words from your mother. My father never saw me, called or even sent a card through all my surgeries and chemo and complained when he had to miss a date to visit me at my house on Christmas (the day after I got home from the hospital) But he was quick to call me and bitch that I didn't show up for fathers day BBQ at my siister. I just told him I am tired of struggling in a relationship that will NEVER be what I want it to be. I told him how my friends parents showed me more love and concern and that I wasnt mad I was simply done. I havent seen or heard from him since then...a year ago. Honestly it was such a relief. I dont have the anxiety or stress of that relationship and my true friends and sisters have really been great.

    As everyone has let me know on this thread...you are not alone. Come here anytime you need to vent or scream or cry. Day or night you will get someone to listen.

    Hang in there!! We're all here for you.

    Diane

  • Elizabeth1889
    Elizabeth1889 Member Posts: 509
    edited August 2011

    Hadley:  I do not know what to say except that I am so sorry your mother would treat you like that. You deserve much, much better treatment.  You are in my prayers.

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited August 2011

    I survived the Hurricane!! Thank GOD it ended up having less of a punch than they anticipated,. I had lots of downed branches (mainly from my gross neighbors across the street that never prune their trees) its ok i put the downed branches in a nice pile in their driveway..Tongue out Now I have to get ready for a stupid F*&^ing bridal shower..that I have to make something for. Of course I have no gift and no supplies to make my crab dip. UGH i hope the store will be open soon.

    Have a  good Sunday everyone.  Hadley...are you ok??

    Diane

  • MBJ
    MBJ Member Posts: 3,671
    edited August 2011

    Hadley:  I am so sorry to hear of your conflict with your mother.  Know this:  just because someone gives birth to us doesn't mean they are the best for us.  When I was 30 I walked away from my entire family.  They were abusive towards me and held me back for years-I did the same thing as DiDel said I wasn't mad I was just done being the scape goat in our relationship-once I cut the ties my life became much better.  Now both of my parents are gone and two of my brothers are gone, too, and I have never regretted my decision.  It isn't an easy road to be on your own but sometimes "family" is really the love of the people we surround ourselves with not our blood relatives.  Big hugs and come back and let us know how you are doing.

  • MBJ
    MBJ Member Posts: 3,671
    edited August 2011

    Didel:  I am so glad your home survived the storm!  Have a great Sunday!

  • MBJ
    MBJ Member Posts: 3,671
    edited August 2011

    Stanzie:  The cut across my nose went into the eye area under my brow so for about an inch the skin there is really dark-not a black eye so much as just complete discoloration but it still looks like a black eye to me and I have to cover it with makeup and it looks a bit pulled and weird even though they did a great job of stitching me up and putting me back together.

    I do have some Arnica but I thought it was only good for before surgery!