Great saying about depression
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Aw, sweetie! This should be a happy time, not one of tears...damn pain!!! I hope it settles down for you, but if your stuff just arrived, you got some boxes to deal with Lucy!
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MBJ if you need me to overnight you some wink wink ,...just PM me
I hope everyone is having a good monday. Today was my secon shot at a nipple. I am in la la land at the moment. My doctor is making me stay wrapped and no shower for 7 days! much different then last time. I think he used a different technigue. We also discussed in the next month doing some fat grating for the hole under my arm where breast tissue used to be...we'll see.
Ok nap time...
Diane
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What technique did he do Diane? I hope it takes this time!!! Nice napping to you
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Trying to catch up with everyone, but not much brain power right now. Had my exchange surgery five days ago. Am wrapped up tight with four drains. I can stand the tightness, but the drains are inside the wrapping so when I move my arms there is a sharp shooting pain. DH told me to stay in bed, take the happy pills and sleep. I see the PS on Wed so maybe the drains will come out If I can get them below 20ccs. Just coasting and crying until this part is over.
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Oh dear, drains are such a drag!!! Too bad you have to have them with exchange surgeries ...why???? Hang in there Lindsey....you're almost done!
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Determined ...thanks I heard him say he was doing a c flap. It was so weird to be awake during surgery with him...while I loved having his undevided attention I had to cover my eyes. I did not want to see anything...plus it seemed so bright in the OR it gave me a headache. I just love my PS and his staff..we had some good laughs going on in the OR.
I am still so high and now itchy from the tape. I cant believe I have to not touch this for a week.
Lindsay I still think the worst part is over for you..It was such a relief having those hard TE out..the implants are so soft in comparison. I hope you dont have any more complications with excess fluid buildup. Happy healing!!
back top lala land for me...
Diane
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DiDel,
So glad your surgery went well! Enjoy lala land, honey!
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Didel: Ahhh, wink, wink-I wouldn't want you to get arrested or anything, heh, heh. Glad to hear of your re-do. Until I get my shoulder working I doubt I will be doing any repairs anytime soon. Congratulations.
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Mbj I am so sorry to hear you are in pain the pain can be the absolute worst and I hate to hear of anyone else going through it. Sleeping in your own bed may help a lot, it did for me. I really hope it does and I do understand the depression but I agree with DiDel whole heartedly please don't suffer if you don't have too, if you are in pain get some pain meds that work for you. That is very important not all pain meds do not work for all people. I hope you are feeling better (at least a little) by the time you read this.
Didel first I want to thank you for how caring you have been to me, your words seem to make want to make me be stronger and I thank you for that. The second I want to say is that I am so sorry about your puppy, it isn't your fault at all but I know right now it has to hurt terribly, I have a very loving parrot and she scares me every time she (crash) lands. I hope you baby gets well soon please keep me informed about him I really am interested in his progress, although I am sure he will be fine ♥ I hope you recon is going really well, I think that sometimes could make all the difference in the way you feel. It must be scary but very exciting at the same time. I wish you all the best in this part of your recovery, my thoughts are with you and your puppy.
I also have a question or 20 about nipple recon, I am supposedly 4 fills away from getting my "real" fake boobs and people at the hospital say my PS is a genius with nipples but I am worried about my breasts at the moment I have major scaring including holes under both arms and a very deep crevice in the middle of my right breast (the one they had to operate twice on because it went necrotic) I was just wondering if you could give me any idea of what I am going to go through and even more so what I am looking at when it is done. My PS says not to worry when he is done I will have little or no scaring, which I can't see happening at the moment considering the scarring I have now. Anyway if you have any ideas, thoughts or questions I should ask my PS ( I see him on the 28th) please let me know. I do appreciate the fact that you have been going this longer than I have and I will take any advice with appreciation and gratitude. Please feel free to pm me if you feel that would be better.Barbe you are right it does make me feel better to know someone out there is listening to me and actually cares about what I am going through your words do sink in and I have actually been feeling a little better just knowing I can talk to someone that doesn't want to walk away as soon as the word cancer comes up. You are absolutely right this place is a godsend and although I have written here at some of my lowest points you all still accept me. Thank you.
Lindsey I feel so bad for you I hated the drains but Barbe is right hang in there the drains will come out and when they do you will feel so much better. Personally I am looking forward to having my ports come out but having the drains out will be great for you.
Thank you everyone as always appreciate the support and wish I had found you all sooner.
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P.S. sorry I tend to post novels but this feels like the only place anyone listens. Thanks again.
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Thanks Marylou. There is a scar thread with some advice (Skin S.O.S. - Scar Remedies) but Fat Grafting can do wonders. Not all PS's do it so ask yours and if not get another opinion or two.
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Lindsey: So glad the exchange is over and now the hardest part is taking it easy (at least for me it was), doing very little, and getting the drains out so you are no longer in discomfort. I hope your PS did a wonderful job for you. Gentle, healing hugs.
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Lindsey good luck. You are almost there.
MBJ hope you start getting some relief!
Marylou the PS can clean up the scar. Is it rippling you are seeing when you talk about the crevice. Sometimes the TE or implant will show the rippling in the implant itself. I just had my textured implants exchanged for smooth. There is no more rippling at this point. I am in my fifth week post op. I would find out what kind he is going to put in. Recovery from the exchange surgery is easier. But because you feel better you may be tempted to do more than you should. So be careful not to overdue.
I am bummed as my right side is flatter on the top and seems to be more toward my arm pit. I am going to see him again on Monday. I don't want to be this much different and he won't do fat grafting, so he would have to redo it. I know he does not want to do that. The right side has been burning on the top the whole time? I love him but I know he is not going to want to redo this. So I am nervous about seeing him. It has dropped more than the left for sure.
Diane, thanks for the info. I asked my PS if I could be awake for the exchange so I could watch and he said no
But he did take a few pictures. I thought that was really nice of him. 0 -
MBJ: the one question i have, is why?? why aren't they addressing the pain?? i can't cope with mine and make sure i always have "a little something " here "in case" my drs. are great about that.........3jays0
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just wanted to feel sorry for myself a bit.. thursday will start the crappola season for me: actually, its' started already...
I just cannot get a holiday season where something isn't "kicking " up; so that im not able to please ANYONE, can't keep their scheduale, so I'm left out... i really dont know how my 1st Jay can call me , and tell me how much he loves me ( last night) and then call, and say he won't be seeing me for thanksgiving (he has to take MIL to Jacksonville) and won't see me for xmas (he has to see BIL and SIL ALL of the 2 wks we have off on vacation>>>> im deep in the hole over the hole thing...
im Praying our irs ck comes in dec; we'll go away for it. i can't physically go far, but anywhere but HOME would be great!!!
otherwise, im hoping to sleep thru it all. arrrgg i hat xmas, USED to be my FAVORITE holiday.. now, i have grands, and can't see them, OR my kids....
feeling really rejected and dejected, and still have a month and then some , to get thru........nothing to be done, though..........3jays
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Marylou you couldn't have found us earlier...you found us just in time!! This is the right time for you to be here! Welcome, sweetie.
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3jays: That's the no health care, no insurance plan that I don't have. No care at all. I had Medi-Cal in California but everytime my PS requested PT, by the time they got around to approving it it had already expired. 3 x this happened and no PT-just a couple visits.
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i always just go to the ER if it gets too bad, MBJ.. will that help, they just "refer" you here, though... im so sorry........3jays0
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3jays: Unfortunately, ER just gets me a few more pain killers and another 8 hours in the waiting room. Just tired of all of this crap.
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{{{{{{{{{{ MBJ }}}}}}}}}}}}}
I can certainly commiserate with you!! Pain is debilitating and takes a LOT of joy out of your every day experiences. Are you able to just read in bed for a couple of days? Lie flat and only get up to pee?
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Hey everyone! Sorry I've been off the boards. I've been trying to get my sadly neglected house in order for Thanksgiving. I've been reading all your posts- just too busy to write. (Which shows you just how sadly neglected my house was!)
MBJ- I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I hope having your things around will help. Soon I know you will have it decorated so cute, it will start to feel like home, you'll begin healing and your fresh start can officially begin. (((hugs!!!))))
Determined- Sorry you're having issues with your revision. I know how frustrating that can be. It's hard to come up with the emotional energy to go through another surgery. And we pin our hopes on each procedure hoping it will be the one that returns us to (our new) normal. I feel like every time I fix one thing they mess something else up. Hopefully, with you, it just needs time to settle like it does with the "drop and fluff" of exchange. Good luck with your PS appointment.
Marylou- If you're writing novels than I enjoy reading them. I've always said if we scooped up all our posts about the emotional aftermath of BC we'd have a best seller on our hands. (Then we'd use the proceeds to meet up in some exotic locale!) I think every woman who says "I'm fine", when she's not, does a disservice to all the women out there struggling who think they're defective because they are. So thank you for your novels and for your honesty.
Lindsey- Sorry you're struggling with the exchange. This is supposed to be the time of "yippee squishee" not pain. Hope you get those *&$!#$% drains out today so you can enjoy the holiday better. Hoping each day brings you more relief, too.
Diane- Congrats on getting a new cherry on top of the sundae. Hope it all heals beautifully! Sorry about Charlie's accident- poor baby! Hope he's feeling better now and ready to get in some new mischief!
Hoping everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! I am so thankful that I have this place and all of you. I think you have kept me postive and sane this past year. I know I would be in a much different place right now without all of you. (((HUGS!!!))))
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A very Happy Thanksgiving weekend to everyone!!!!!
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Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!
Kate my sister and niece are in AZ for field hockey tourney and she keeps bragging about how beautful it is out there and that they were at the pool yesterday
She said she could definitely live there...of course she probably wouldnt think that on 115 degree day in July...LOL. Determined I would never want to be awake for the exchange...that is much more invasive than the nip recon. After I wasnt happy with my exchange and was heading into my second revision..my PS took pics and thought about things for a day before coming up with a game plan. the bottom of my mx side was flat..I had a tiny bit of rippling...and felt like it was too much in my armpit. My PS didnt want to use Alloderm on the mx side so he widened the pocket at the bottom and did some fancy stitching to support the implant then tightened the pocket on my side and used a smaller implant (not as wide) I was so much happier once that was all done.. but he really studied the photos he took of me and my revision was about 4 hours long but worth it. Personally I love going under...I have so much trouble sleeping its just the most restful sleep ever!! I know the thought of more surgery is not fun but once you are happy with the results you will really feel like you can move forward. Its so important to be happy with the results.
I am once again anxious to see my results and this damn tape is so itchy I can not wait till Tuesday to have it removed.
MBJ I am so sorry you are experiencing so much pain...BUT I hope you are loving your first holiday in your new house!
3jays sorry you too are having a difficult time...I hate the holidays as well..for me its a reminder of how lonely I really am especially with my sister and niece out of town. To me its just another day alone AND the stores are closed! I am sorry you are missing your family...maybe they can come to you! Or maybe you could Skype..I love Skyping with out of town friends..its so much better than a phone call.
Hope everyone else is doing well today...My favorite holiday is black friday and I will be at the mall at midnight and by sunrise I will be done my holiday shopping
It gives me such a rush and a sense of accomplisment when I am done and wrapped. Last two years I had to be done all my shopping before black friday due to surgery schedule so this year I am doing it up! Enjoy your day...rest up...eat up..whatever you want to do today do it! Hugs to all!!!
Diane
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I TOLD them I needed ANOTHER biopsy at my last neck ultrasound last week but the young snippet said "Oh NO. You're just getting a regular follow-up. NO need for biopsy!" She didn't even go to the radiologist to check, but released me right away. NOW I have to go back on the 30th for ANOTHER ultrasound guided biopsy! I TOLD them the lumps had gotten bigger. Do THEY know that cancer doubles in size every 180 days???? Why don't we just cut to the friggin' chase and take the bloody lumps OUT!!!! I can feel them when I look down to read a book or turn my head a certain way. My voice is changing slightly too. I TOLD them!!! Now we've wasted 2 weeks of my life! I hope I have a LOT more 2 weeks to waste, but I HATE being in LIMBO!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving to all. I hope y'all are pain free today!
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(((Barbe)))
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My internet has been on the fritz all week, so I have missed so much. I wish I could scoop up all of y'alls pain and throw it far, far away. Give you a pain free moment that lasts forever. that is my holiday wish for you. it's just not fair that so many good people have to endure so much. . .
just a little fyi on my part. Wednesday was my last day at work. District Manager came in on Tuesday and spoke to me and a few more employees about the boss lady. Told him a few things that made me feel better. It just good to know that he got to hear from others that she has issues--and just from a disgruntled soon to be ex-employee. Maybe he will throw a bucket of water on her. . . he did tell me he would leave the door open for me to come back. I said yes but not for her. . .
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Claire- So happy for you that were able to get some things off your chest, have your issues with your ex (so great you get to say EX) boss validated by others and have the DM let you know that you were a valued employee that they would like to have back. Sounds like a perfect ending to a not so perfect job!
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OK so I slept in rather than shop...I just had the worst belly ache when I woke and my pets let me sleep till 10:30!! So I took advantage of it...I can shop during the week when everyone is working.
I took my pup to my friends for dinner and then to watch the RAVENS game...he was so anxious as her daughters had her pet hampster there and Charlie did not lay down for a minute all evening. I think today he is completely wiped out, I bet he was dreaming of that hampster running on his wheel. It was so cute he just kept staring at him. At one point one of the kids was about to take Taco out of his cage and I screamed NOOOOOOOOOO as Charlie was sitting there all ready to "play" with Taco. It was so funny...of course Charlie looked at me like why did you do that I just wanna play???
OMG Ladies I feel soooooooooooo FAT! I have got to get back to the gym...now all I need is someone to motivate me.
Claire glad you made it through your last day and that your voice was heard. I hope once you are healed and rested you can return to a much better work environment.
Marylou sent you a PM sorry I just remembered you had asked me questions.
Barbe I thought you were satisfied with the results of your last biopsy...sorry you are having discomfort..is your biopsy this month the 30th?? I know it seems long but its only a few more days. Hang in there.
Everyone else I hope you are still stuffed from yesterday!!
Have a happy black friday!!
Diane
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Diane, I wasn't really satisfied as the previous results were "suboptimal sample" with a "re-check in 3 months" so I knew it was all coming up again. I guess it was nice not to hear the worst news then...maybe won't now, but they sure have grown bigger!!! The problem is that I had an ultrasound last week that they didn't do a biopsy at!! WTH!! What a friggn' waste of technology! If they just wanted to see if the lumps had grown, I could have told them that. I have felt kind of weird lately - weak. I remembered that one of the lumps is "growing against my carotid artery" as per the radiologist so maybe I'm getting symptoms of that? That's why she only did one sample. She was nervous about hitting the artery, but that lump was the biggest one. In fact, she said it looked like two nodes mashed together.
Claire, remember that I said way back: You don't quit a job, you quit a boss!!! So, so TRUE!! Now revel being off work! I'm only off work when I'm sick or getting a body part adjusted or removed so it's odd to feel not-too-bad and still be off work!
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Barbe, I am laughing at your signature "sometimes you're the fork, and sometimes you're the road." I've never heard that, but with all the sticks, I definitely feel like I've been forked right now!! I think I am "done!" OMG, I am so frustrated with you. While they have you there, just take care of it.
MBJ, I feel sad we didn't meet while you were in LA and am so sorry the pain continues. I am sure being in your new house you have so much you want to do and can't. I've discovered books on tape--I don't even have to hold the stupid book. I hope you find some relief--soon!
I've read everyone's post and want to comment to all, but am suppose to be "laying low" for at least one week. I got the 4 drains out the day before Thanksgiving!! YEAH. That was huge, but when she took off the binding, I am SO swollen in the upper poles. I mean SWOLLEN. Even though the nipples were rotated in Sept to be higher on my breasts, they are low, but maybe from the weight of the fluid. PS did some work removing excess tissue in upper poles, so maybe it is from that, but remember after the revision in Sept, once they pulled the drains I swelled up and was on bed rest for two weeks. I guess I keep hearing ladies say how great the squishies are and easy the exchange is, and yet things still feel hard and it is hard to tell what is what because of the swelling and black and blue. We see PS on Monday, so DH and I are excited to learn what is going on. My dream is that the swelling goes down and all is marvelous! I've never looked at life as an ebb and flow. I took good things for granted and was irritated at the bad. Now I see through this bc experience that things have always ebbed and flowed. I was just blind. Found this great quote in a book I am reading. I don't know if it will help any of you, but it makes me think I am not crazy and this is life. It gives me permission for grief and misery right now, knowing relief and joy will circle around again. I quoted it in my blog tonight:
"Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy." --Pema Chodron
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