Great saying about depression
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Hi Ladies!! Hope everyone had a good Holiday! Barbe I love playing board games. When my nieces and nephews were younger we used to play them all the time but now they want computer games etc. MBJ so glad you are feeling better and had a good night with your DH and family.
Lindsey sorry you are experiencing more swelling. When I first went through TEs and Exchange. I found I really had to watch my sodium and alcohol intake intially. I would swell and feel so uncomfortable if I had too much wine or salt. I would give it a couple more weeks...hopefully the swelling will subside. Maybe start a thread in the recon section to see if anyone out there has had the same problems and can offer better solutions.
Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!! yes 3jays,...may it PLEASE be better!!
Diane
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thanks Diane.. i sure HOPE so!!!3jays0
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Lindsey- You may want to post on the thread "Exchange City" about your issues. Someone on there may have some words of wisdom. There's a group on there that have been posting for some time about everything to do with exchange surgery. Maybe someone has had the same experience as you.
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A very Happy Healthy New Year to all!! I will be thinking of all of you and toast you all at midnight tonight. I wish the very best for everyone always!!!!
Diane
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A very Happy New Year to each and every one of my BC sisters! Wishing us all a great 2012 and good health. Hugs!!!
Mary
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Lindsey: I remember a few posts back you were asking about bras. This thread is really helpful and great: Bras 101: The Great Post-Exchange Debate. Good luck to you and fast healing.
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MBJ are you feeling any better?
Happy New Year to all my sisters!! I am blessed to have you in my life!!
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I want to add my New Year's wishes, too! I hope tonight is the start of wonderful things for all of you- healing, health and happiness. A lot of us have struggled through 2011. Here's to 2012 being a time of new beginnings with old friends! I'm with barbe- so blessed to have all of you in my life! (((HUGS!!!)))
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Me too! You have all made this "a journey to get through together" and I am so thankful to have found you and this thread. I wish we could toast tonight together! I will light a candle and send a prayer for peace, strength and health to all of you!
MBJ- I did find the bras 101 thread and after reading all of the thoughts on underwires, I decided to try it. My PS is not favorable, but the thread made so much sense. I slept in an underwire last night flat in our bed (first time not to be on the chaise lounge sitting up). I am a little sore today, but the underwire is much tighter plus laying flat puts me in a very different position. I think we sometimes have to figure out what is best for "ourselves" despite what our doctor says! I think the collective knowlede of my bc sisters sometimes outweighs one male doctors opinion! I hope the cortisone shot has helped you!
Happy New Year's!0 -
Lindsey- If you have any discomfort with the underwires I would definitely think about having a professional bra fitting. It's really important for us to have the wires in just the right spot and something like 8 out of 10 women are wearing the wrong size or style of bra. I always thought (pre-BC) that underwires were horribly uncomfortable but it was just that I was wearing the wrong size. I had a fitting at Nordstrom's and they were amazing. They have fitters that are specially trained to work with MX customers and, depending on what insurance company you have, will even submit the paperwork for reimbursement. If you go make sure you make an appointment and tell them you've had a MX. Not all their fitters have the training.
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Happy New Year everyone!!!!!! Hope this year is really wonderful for all!
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wanting to stop by and wish all you lovely ladies a Happy New Year in 2012: may it be healthy, happy, and prosperous for you all......3jays0
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Wishing you hope and peace in 2012!!!
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Lindsey: It's very important to have a fitting and to also buy a proper (though expensive) fitting bra. Once you find the style that works for you then you can find them at discount stores or on ebay. I was too sore to wear the underwires so I opted for the soft cup bras for the first 6 months. After that, I could wear nothing but underwire. Unfortunately, with all of my shoulder/arm troubles I am down to one wireless bra that the straps loosen enough to be comfortable.
Barbe: Thanks for asking. Slow progress, lots of pain. Found out the new "miracle" drug for joint pain and injuries(hyaluronic acid) is $1700 for 3 shots here -- in Japan it costs maybe $70 per shot if 100% out of pocket. Damn profiteering drug companies.
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Thanks MBJ! I've been experimenting, but the under wire bra is NOT comfortable for me to sleep in. The best is the mastectomy camisole. But today I was out gardening a little and wore the underwire and felt pretty comfortable. Much better than a compression bra or soft bra. I plan to go for a proper fitting next Sat. I need to buy some good fitted garments.
I go back to work tomorrow after seven months off for this whole ordeal-four surgeries. I feel nervous to renter. I hope to work part time plus physical therapy and work up to full-time by Feb 1. Just feel like crying, but I think it is going from unstructured days and focusing on healing to...work!
Wish me luck! Lindsey0 -
Lindsey good luck with your first day back to work!!
I go back to work January 16th and I cant wait. I am off simply because I have no work this time of year but tax season begins and it will be 7 days a week until 4/15. I am so bored with myself. Charlie cant wait to go back to doggie daycare...he is bored with me too!!! LOL
Mary I continue to be disgusted with the cost of drugs. If they didnt spend so much money marketing...aka schmoozing doctors...paper ads..tv ads...they wouldnt be so expensive. I still need to decide what I am going to do about my need for lipitor and singulair. I have about 10 days worth of pills before I have figure it out. I just dont understand why Pfizer wouldnt reduce the costs of Lipitor to make it more accessible to everyone. It is a superior product but not worth $356 for 90 day supply. So frustrating.
I hope everyone had a peaceful Holiday. I had dinner with friends at this amazing Italian Restaurant. I was home by 11:30 asleep by 12:01. I usually dont go out for NYE but I do like to watch the fireworks...which I did on TV.
Happy end of the holidays!!
Diane
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Diane, in Canada, there are ads running about Lipitor that tell us to call them if we can't afford to get the orginal brand and are offered a substitute by the pharmacy. Perhaps you could call them to see if they can offset the cost? There must be something going on....
Lindsey, you seem to be going back to work so soon after your switch!!!! I do understand about the routine though, as that's what I did after my second child. No 5 months off the second time!! I needed to work and felt good doing it.
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Happy New Year late! I was away for the week after Christmas. I like to be away during that time as it is the anniversary of my first surgery. I think that day is always so hard since there were so many complications and the outcome was so affected due to the hospital aquired infection and other issues. It was a great time of togetherness with my hero husband and reflection.
I read through the threads. Barbe sorry about the surgery! But glad they are doing something finally.
Lindsay I know how frustrating this is. It seems like it takes forever to heal. I will keep hoping that it steadily improves. I still wear a sports bra to bed for comfort. I liked the saying from the song!
MBJ boy I sure hope the pain subsides. I had shoulder surgery many years ago. It is kind of a tough recovery in the begining as you can't imagine how much you move it for everyday stuff. But worth the surgery to relieve the pain.
Diane I laughed when you talked about wrapping with the glitter paper. We did that last year and I couldn't believe how it was everywhere ha!!! I am just the opposite. I don't like to wrap because I can't figure out how to tie a bow! My husband is much better at it then me.
For those whose Christmas was not what you had hoped I am sorry. The gift of family at times can also be so difficult. We were blessed with a very joyful Christmas as we found out our daughter was expecting again with her second.
I am not on an anti-depressant. I feel they are definitely something to consider and are helpful. However, I believe the emotions I am feeling are part of the journey and situational rather than clinical. I would not hesitate to take them if I felt it was something I needed. I see a steady progress toward acceptance and also believe that the sadness is just a new part of me. It is not a boo hoo sadness. Maybe that is the wrong word to use. I am changed. There is just not the easy joy I had. I am more serious now. But I still light up and have happiness.
I am thankful for the women who inspire me like all of you. I hope that 2012 will be a year of healing for all of us. Both physically and emotionally. We continue to help each other and do it with sincere caring. That is the gift we give to each other. We are learning and growing and continuing to navigate this journey we didn't ask for.
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Determined, you are lucky to know you don`t need anti-depressants!! I have been on them for about 30 years. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and when I accidently forget a dose in all the other meds I take, within a very short period of time I begin to get ``spacey`` thoughts. Very creepy to feel the loss of the chemical support!!!! I am just so grateful that they work for me. I`ve had to change them up over the years as your body doesn`t react the same way all the time and builds up resistance to some meds. It`s a scary time for me as I have to adjust. When I am at my best, I know my meds are helping me. I feel nothing spacey or woozy. You shouldn`t know that you are on something. If that feeling persists, it`s the wrong med for you. I find they cut my anger down a lot, too. I hate that feeling of raging anger, so it`s a good feeling to lose.
There are times when I wonder if I`m really experiencing my life, but when I sit and talk with someone and relate some of my life, I find that I have lived a full and mostly joyous life, so that is good. It is only by comparison to the black parts, do I know I`ve really felt joy!
Happier New Year to all!
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Barbe yes I have had several friends that have a chemical imbalance and they too have had to switch them up after a period of time. I think that has been a scary time for them as they are anxious that they will find the right combination to work.
I know true depression is a difficult road for those with it. I have seen what it can do and I am thankful there are meds and a true understanding that it is a disease. I think the stigma persists but I think it is getting better for those suffering depression.
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Determined- You described it perfectly- not sad, just changed. I feel like I'm not, nor ever will be, as completely comfortable in my own skin as I was before BC. I miss that carefree feeling. I guess I always thought I'd eventually get that back. That I could shed this new skin, like a snake does, and be me again. The hard part is accepting there's no going back to those innocent, invincible and untouched days. There's been other painful moments in my life that I've been able to let go of completely, or think of without sadness or at least not think about them every day. But I haven't gotten to that point, yet, with BC. I wonder if anyone ever really does. For me it seems that there are reminders all around us. A year ago, though, those moments would have the ability to pull me into an abyss of sadness and I find today it no longer does. I just hope someday I can say I'm comfortable in my own skin again. What a gift that would be!
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Kate you are spot on. I do beieve at some point we won't think about it like we do now. But unless the scars disappear and sensation returns how will you ever totally not be reminded right?
The innocense is a good word to use. The assumptions that you make like you will grow old with your spouse. But for today I will write the story with hope.
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Kate- you have put into words feelings that I am experiencing. Only difference is - I have a lot of anger with the change. I wish I could let go of the anger. I wish I knew how.
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I`ve always said that once you look at the bullet that (may) will kill you, you have lost your innocence and will never get it back. We have looked death in the eye and have a more intimate relationship with it than most people walking around. I find I NEED to see my grandchildren to see the innocence of babyhood and the joy of discovery they have. It`s like a drug to my soul.
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My best friend (stage 4) has an appointment with her oncologist on Thursday. She has awful pains in the hips and now it is in her back. She has fought her cancer the natural way, no chemo and very little radiation. I have been watching her go down hill. I fight the thoughts that I will go through the same thing.
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Determined- what joy to have a grand baby on the way! I think I would say I have a sadness at my core. Hopefully as I grieve and really start feeling this whole thing that will lessen. I think the thing I haven't understood until now is the time required to really process all of this. I assumed after the BMX I would be sad for a few weeks and then bounce back. Still waiting. I am trying to ask myself, what story am I writing today. That was so helpful when you said that. My DH even took that to heart!
Kate- you said it well again! I feel changed too. I was hoping at some point I would "shed" this whole experience. Determined is right that we will always have the reminders of scars and no sensation. Lack of sensation sucks!!
I really think I am moving into this grieving stage. Haven't had time up to this point because I was so focused on getting through the surgeries, but now...
My boss came into my office today and said "welcome back, I bet you are raring to go and feeling great!" No I am not feeling great because of the swelling and i am still healing. I didnt say that though. I am proud that I didn't give the big smile and say yep, raring to go. I don't want to be a downer, but I also don't want to minimize all of this.
I am really tired tonight, but I think that is normal since I haven't worked in 7months.
Barbe, do you have a surgery date?
3Jays, how are you doing?0 -
thanks for asking, Lindsay: i've been reading, but not posting much these days.. the choking thing really knocked the snot out of me. thurs im seeing a redical dr. for hyoo thyroid here, who also rx aeto immune disease.. Maybe 9 please God) he;ll have a clue what to do next...
i feel sad for all of us, this whole joirney changes us, forever; and for me, it shades how i look at ther things, too... im praying time will change things, not better/worse.. just different... hang in there, ladies.....3jays
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Determined- I've been catching up, lately, on my phone and somehow missed the news about another grandbaby on the way for you. Congratulations! I can't wait to be a grandma (though hopefully from my twenty something stepdaughters- not my teenage son! LOL!)
Lindsey- About a month after my exchange I hit an emotional wall- hard. It was such a surprise to me. I thought, if anything, I would have fallen apart after the MX. But, as one journalist described it, you are buoyed by an illness-induced adrenaline. It's only afterwards when you have time to process, and the realization that this is your new reality hits, that the emotional healing takes place. The hard part is the outside world doesn't understand how hard this stage is- in a lot of ways harder than the days immediately after the MX.
3jays- Just wanted to tell you you're in my thoughts. I hope your doc figures out a magic formula to make things better for you! (((hugs!!!)))
Well, it's my DS's first day back to school and the post holiday blues have hit. That's when I look around my house and realize I have put way too many holiday decorations out and now I have to put them all back. At least it's a beautiful day (high supposed to be 79!) and I've got all the windows open. Hope the fresh air rejuvenates me!
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I also think that this is such a permanent change hits. Up to this point things were moving and changing all the time. For me five surgeries, dressing on an incision that opened up, PICC line, 2 IV antibiotics for 6.5 weeks around the clock etc. So tasky things. This appt. that blood draw etc. I think for those with chemo and radiation it would be the same type of things. Then boom it stops and you realize this is it. This is where I have to figure out how to live with these permanent changes in my body, my intimacy, my sense of femininity, my future and on and on.
Kate is right people do not understand this at all. I just had to have a lump I found ruled out yesterday. And yes they think it is scar tissue. But we can no longer brush off aches, lumps etc. This is a life long journey. And thank God that the grief becomes less raw. But there will be times you think about something or what you have been through or what has happened and it feels like it is right there and your stomach hurts. Then you process it and can keep going.
But it is there. You learn to live and adapt and change with it as the journey changes. I keep saying we have to maintain the honesty of the journey so we can educate those that get all wrapped up in the what I call "damn pollyanna pink junk" Yes there is a reason for awareness. But if we only show smiles it lessens the impact. We need honest discussion about this journey.
Ok sorry I was on a roll. Have a good day everyone!
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"Damn pollyanna pink junk"- I love it! Describes it perfectly! You're right- the more we are honest about the things going on in our bodies, guts and hearts the more it helps others. I think for too long women felt they had to portray themselves as these incredibly strong, resilient, happy to be alive, willing-to-walk-3-days-to-prove-BC-hasn't-gotten-them-down women. Well, we're all that but we're also sad, grieving would-give-anything-to-have-our-breasts-back women.
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