Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Be carefull Painted Lady, and keep your head about you (spoken from one who has lost her head many times! ) xo
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I agree with the caution part!!!! We just do not need to be hurt in any way!! Would his heart problem worry you?
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Sorry, I jumped to conclusions---didn't know about the heart problem.
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Painted Lady, I think he is very interested in getting to know you. Honestly, he seems as if he trying to find a way to stay closer to get to know you. It takes time to form a relationship and to see if you two are compatable. Sounds like he is trying to find a way. Phone calls and emails are not enough so the fact that he is actively trying to find a place to stay to be closer to you and leaving his own home to do that says alot in my own opinion. That would be very difficult for me to do, so many things to do here to keep up my place.... Also I would be tired after a 4 hour drive myself, I would need time to regroup, and then party or what ever you should decide to do. You do sound attracted to this man I think you just need to get to know each other to see if this will work for You.......It may work, it may not, but it does seem as if he is trying to find a way to get to know you.....Wishing You All Well
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Thanks sisters for all your input. I take it very seriously.
I am going to see what M says tomorrow on the phone.
Also have another one talking to me and he lives 4 1/2 hours away on the east coast of Florida.
He is a year younger than me and looks like a young version of Michael Douglas.
The men that have been contacting me in my area are not very appealing in any way.
Aside from men, I think I need some other intersts. I am just bored going to dinner and movies
mostly alone. Sorry I am on a pity party. I just feel down in the dumps today
Every one of you have a great day. If you have a dog, give the pooch a pet for me!
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I think M. is interested but looking at the practicalities. He sounds like he is on a fixed and limited income. He lives 4 hours away. Gas costs. Will he be able to spend the night when he sees you? Maybe he is waiting for a yes so that he doesn't have to travel so much in one or two days. I think he is telling you the truth and these are the facts. I don't know if you have other interests but if you do not then perhaps you do need them. I am trying to build some things myself - make new friends, get involved with some charities that move me. Altho' mostly I am exhausted from BC and life.
On a different note - my three teenagers (throw my daughters boyfriend in there and make it four) are driving me nuts. I am trying to get romantic with my ex-H, at least a little, and the problems they cause are hardly conducive to romance. T. used to say he didn't want to be anyone's stepfather and that he really wasn't interested (basically) in taking on this whole household. And really who would? Their own father left for the evening at 9 - but took two of them with him, at least. But really. What is left, after disciplining and lecturing them, for sweetness and snuggling? Not much.
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Here's a good one for all of you to enjoy. I was out and about yesterday and when I returned to my car it wouldn't start. Had to call a tow truck and the driver was the nicest guy in the world and we are the same age! We "friended" each other on facebook and he called last night but I was too exhausted from the broken down car ordeal to pick up the phone. Ha ha ha You just never know what each day will bring. Although he's a really nice guy, don't think he's at all educated and that kinda bugs me. I'll keep you updated!
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So what if he's not that educated, he has a job is nice and who knows what else? Don't discount good guys !!
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I agree with Dragonfly.
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Ditto
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Yes, you guys are right. I'll return his call today. Maybe he just had trouble texting on his tiny little phone with his giant fingers.
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Brice date--the more I think about it the more I don't like it--At the pizza place he seemed to be looking my boobs up and down, as in, are they real? (I do mention bc in my profile). Then he talked very knowedgably about estrogen postive breast cancer and asked me how my libido was??!!! I literally told him "None of your beeswax" and kind of laughed it off. Now I think forget him!! xo
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rakulynda, we are waiting for a report on the phone conversation with Mr. Nice Guy.
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PaintedLady, did you talk to M? Any progress?
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So frustrating isn't it. We were in NOLA for my final stage of reconstruction. I had a super nosey kid that was helping us with our bike rentals in the French Quarter. He asked of we were here for a convention, I said no then dumb me added that I was here to see a surgeon. He noticed my save the boobies bracelet, and asked what kind of surgery, I told him. Then he had to totally stare the girls down and ask me which one was real and which one was fake. Really?? I don't consider them fake, they are still all my own tissue/fat and it was not just for shits and giggles that I had a "boob" job.
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I am okay. Kind of in hibernation but going through papers, taking care of business, etc.
I do read and follow through, so hi everyone.
Hadley - I read your post. Then noticed your signature. They are all weird but probably less so if you follow your gut, not so much what you wish they were. Unfortunately I think it takes a lot of looking.
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Hi Ladies
Hrf M did not call Saturday like he said he would: Have not heard from him.
The other guy that i was talking to: I told him off last nite, hung up the phone, sent him a message as to what I thought of him then blocked him.
All in all a boring and disappointing weekend.
Lovemyfamily and Hadley Sorry your dates did not work out as you would have liked.
Rak at least you met a guy in the real world; not on these dating sites.
Dragon I have never had anyone stare at my boobs. I am not very endowed.
These guys are really starting to frustrate me. Seems like most of them have one thing on their mind: sex! Is that all they mostly think about? These guys are over the hill lol I could believe it if they were younger.
Good night Sisters
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Well my reconstruction artists, did a very good job and they are a C++ lol... I think it's because he knew at that point I had a "boob job" creep !
Nothing for me, never heard from the guy I had dinner with for 5 hours still baffles me. I don't even bother looking really, it's irritating.
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That is a good point- meeting someone in the 'real' world. That would be nice. DF - I am sorry you are frustrated. I think I would be too if I were out there. It is still very weird for me to be manless but I am coping - kind of isolating a bit. ExH is not quitting smoking precluding much contact altho' we manage the kids and that is helpful. PaintedLady - I am wishing you much luck in your search. I can't make sense of the randomness of it all..........
I am going to go a bit off topic here but I feel connected to you all.......I saw a new PS this week. My breasts are two diff. sizes and I am trying to fix that among other problems. He wants to aug. the natural breast. I am afraid I will have pain then. I had my exchange in Dec. and still have sig. pain in the rt. silicone breast. It travels -pec muscle, under the arm, down my side, etc. The breast with the lift hurts all around the nipple. I freq. take pain pills - btwn that and my arthritis in my shoulder and headaches..... Anyway, when I told the new PS of my history of microcalcs. in the left breast, he stopped and his eyebrows shot up. He is sending me to see a specialist/BS to make sure I am good. I saw a psychic this week. She read my cards and told me that I should have had a dbl. mastectomy; that she saw me getting a recurrence. I am concerned. There are so many hardened and thickened spots in that breast I don't know what I'm feeling when I do a SE. I see the specialist in May - get a mammo. at the end of this month. Can anyone provide any insight into any of these issues? What about the pain prob. Will aug. give me pain. I sleep and do things on my left freq. now as it is more comfortable.
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oh - I forgot to say - I would like to aug. that left breast too in order to achieve some symmetry.
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Yes, I called my tow truck driver back. Can you believe I actually met someone in real life and not in a bar? Well, he lives in Phoenix and I live in Tucson, (100 miles) but I go to Phx every few weeks to help out my mom so we agreed to have breakfast when I return. He's got lots of "stuff" going on : raising his daughter's two young kids by himself and working 10 to 12 hour days,6 days a week to support them. Well, this will certainly be a long, slow evolving relationship and that's fine with me - will have plenty of time to get to know him and I won't have to worry about him wanting to jump in the sack with two kids around
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Oh! Had another guy contact me from pof. Unfortunately he lives 300 miles away but it seems like he'd be willing to be pen pals. It's all good. My arid desert just got a sprinkle of moisture!
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Mybee,
Was the first PS supposed to make the "new" one bigger as you were planning on augmenting the other later or was it a surprise the "new" one was larger. It really bugs me that it seems like none of the PS's can tell you what size you will end up being. I did not want really want to be larger but at the last minute I said because I was inbetween an A and a B that I'd like to be a B. So what did I get? Large C's. I hate the size not to mention all the other problems... Sorry rambling off.
Anyway, I would read the thread not happy with implants - there are a lot of women talking about many different procedures and what problems they have had. In hindsight I wish I had read and talked more to women who had actually gone through the procedures.
I too had lots of micro-calcifications in my breasts and was very lumpy and had cycsts for many many years. They would use a special magnification when I had a mammogram to see through it all. I think it sometimes is a sign for possiblity of risk of cancer but I do not think it is an indicator. I'm glad you are getting it checked out by another BS- couldn't hurt.
As for the pain in the original breast- is it normal time of the month pain? You say pain around the nipple- that sounds a bit odd to me so glad you are having it checked out. Really spooky about the psychic- did he/she know anything about your cancer beforehand? I'm also concerned about your pain down your arm.... See if the women on the other thread have any thoughts....
Sorry you all are not having luck on these dates... Men I think do tend to be weirder in the dating process. My ex BF - well I was really interested in him at the time and figured I'd rather know now than wait so I called and told him straight out I was interested but I didn't like playing games or trying to follow made up dating rules. That if we wanted to talk or see each other then we need to just do that not wait for a certain time frame or anything. I also said if he was not interested to just tell me. We were pretty happy together till I got my diagnosis and his true character came out... so I guess you still never know...
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Good Morning Ladies
Dragon and Mybee I always wanted bigger boobs, but I had a lumpectomy; so I couldnt get them. I think most men like the bigger ones, but hopefully my thinking process is wrong lol
Rak glad that seems to be working out for you with the guy with the tow truck.
Stanzie You can tell the character of a person during a crisis. My spouse at the time would not even come to the bc surgery. This was not unusal for him situation He provied to be a callous, dishonest. irresponsible individual. in mostly any situation
Mybee I really cant say anything about these surgeries because I havent experienced it. Don't know what to say about the fortune teller. I, like Stanzie, wonder if you may have inadvertently
given the person some information concerning the calcifications etc.
Have a wonderful day Sisters
Ps: Dragon I really like Boxers. Can you please give Zorro a pet for me?
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Stanzie - I was going to go a moderate C and was overfilled to accomodate. Then PS found he couldn't go that big (during surgery) so went I guess a B+. Found then that he couldn't put an implant in the left as there wasn't a small enough implant to aug. When he did the lift on the left, he moved the nipple. New PS says old PS took too much out; that the left now doesn't have fullness on the outside 'side' which is true. He is probably right that with my h/o microcalcs. probably should have had a BMX. Then I wouldn't be going through quite so much. New PS said I can't go smaller in the silicone breast; the skin has been stretched so much. That is why I hang so low there. I was at U of M; I thought I would get state of the art results.
Yes - it is irritating and upsetting that you find things out from other women or after the fact. I feel almost like it is like relationships; men messing with you and then not really knowing what you will get in the end!! btw - psychic didn't know about my microcalcs. but there is nothing to say she was right. She did say alot of interesting things though. It was fun to do.
Stanzie - How long were you with your BF? I think there are little signs along the way of a mans character but they are so busy acting nice/normal it is easy to overlook them or think they are no big deal. I was in therapy for 1 1/2 yrs. during my rel. w/ T. Therapist, who specializing in domestic violence, never connected the dots that he was an emotional abuser.
Rak - I love AZ!! I travelled there with T. I wish I could go with someone else or even just myself someday. One of my biggest fears is if I stay single I will never be able to afford some of the things I want: travel, going to the theater, seeing things I've never seen, going to Chicago, etc. I did like being out there living life!
The psychic said I have some psychic abilities. Rak - I have a good feeling about your tow truck driver!
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mybee, thanks for sharing your dilemna--that is what we are here for! I wish I had some good info for you but I can't give you any but support and love--coming your way!! xo
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Hmmm, I'd say moving the nipple probably caused some nerve damage but hopefully didn't sever the nerves and they do regenerate so still hope for all that to become"normal". Now I'm confused the old PS took too much out of left? was that the cancer breast or the other, I'm getting confused, sorry.
But I do understand what you mean about thinking you could go bigger then not having a small enough implant to augment. Seems like that might have been something he should have discussed prior so then he would know whether uneven or two smaller would have been your preference. I just can't imagine a PS thinking you would be OK with uneven breasts? I mean really? But then mine left me with the fat under my arms which make me feel like I'm 90 years old and saggy and fat plus the pain- and sport bra uni-boob look - sure that was what I was hoping for! Then the scars on my back. one is higher than the other and not even straight lines - isn't that the reason you go to PS so the scars are prettier and nicer? I asked he said Oh I guess I just didn't draw them straight to begin with..... So when I'm flipped over he still doesn't notice? But now all those are cosmetic fixes (the fat not the scars).Ugh and Grrrr and hate beautiful spring as I can't wear anything pretty anymore.....But of course according to the 3 PS I've talked to I should just be grateful they can reconstruct breasts at all..... Wonder if it was their wives or sister...
Sorry off on a rant.. getting out summer clothes and being sad and depressed I can't wear anything pretty anymore just have to look fat and matronly and ugly... gosh wonder why I'm not dating....
Anyway, to answer I was with BF for 5 years!!!! The last two were just horrible, but looked back at old emails and seems like communication was always difficult. He thinks of himself as this worldly intellectual and loves to use words no one uses in normal conversation and if you ask what a word means or what he is trying to say he rolls his eyes and sighs like you are the stupist human alive. I'm not stupid but I don't speak like a book written for scientists or ..... whatever he is reading at the moment. He is a symphony musician and while I know ego is hugly involved in that profession he was more of an extreme. But I do think it boiled down to lack of compassion or empathy. Everything was what is in it for me.... But he could be amazingly charming and was handsome and fun.... but in the end it was just a very hurtful and disrespectful relationship that created too much stress.... Sorry to take up so much... on a rant I guess...
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No need to apologize for the rant. I have read that it takes some months/years to 'recover' from these relatonships. You think you love someone/know someone.........
Stanzie - My communication with T. by email was glorious for about one year, then it tapered, with BC; he was done. Basically he was too selfish to deal with the whole thing. And he used it to punish me. Kick her when she's down. He also was truly looking for a way out I believe. When you don't want to be responsible, and you want life to be nothing but a good time, hey - it's time to depart. Or at least create an exit strategy!!I Understand about the summer clothes and bathing suits. My mastectomy scar goes clear across my breast and up under and into my right armpit, due to my lumpectomy scar. I think I may just show it all off; I am proud of my journey/path. I truly am!! But I still would like to be even.
I've saved all my old emails too. Not because of sentimental reasons (well, maybe) but mostly to study. It's amazing how much the man manipulated me!! Incredible!! T. was charming and handsome and fun too. My life feels very boring now. Not unbearable but boring.
Isn't it amazing that it takes 4-5 years to truly get to know someone? Really? Do I have that much time left?? Those are the thoughts that keep me going back to the ex H.
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Stanzie - your former BF sounds like an NPD - narcissistic personality disorder.
I am sorry the scars on your back are uneven. It is frustrating to be limited in our clothing, esp. in the hot summer months. I am feeling a bit matronly too. Keep putting on weight - not exercising now and just tired, or maybe lazy.
Just came to some new realizations about T. This might be tmi but some of the sexual stuff was weird too and now I see also related to the NPD. I have to learn what to change about ME so that I no longer attract these kinds of guys. And so that I'm not attracted to them. It's not even about missing red flags. It's more about overlooking red flags, making allowances and believing lies. The craziness has got to stop.
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hello Ladies
Mybee and Stanzie i have to learn how to avoid these personality flawed men also. It has made me very wary of trusting men. I just never want to get conned again.
Speaking of men, although M hasn't called me when he said he would, I see that he has been on the dating site both yesterday and today. So much for him. Geez why is it so hard to find a decent man. The good ones are probably all taken at my age. Oh, I hope I am wrong! I am sick of being alone and short of money.
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