Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Stanzie, I have done eHarmony -- Once I paid for it and then another time I did the free weekend. It is just like them all --- It is frustrating first because you only get the matches that they believe are your matches based on all the questions you answer. I did get one date out of the free weekend because you have so many steps to go through before you can actually get an email address or you can jump in and throw it out as an answer to ... do you like dogs .. lol.
The date I did have was a bust and he is on POF and Lava. The guys are on all the sites -- I do not believe that there are really any different guys on any one in particular. They are like us -- trying every site they can. The guy was a loser -- he cancelled on me 2 times because of "work" so I said no I would not go out. He got in touch again so finally I gave in -- I shouldn't have.
That is my experience - others may have been more successful.
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Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome! If I ever start to backtrack, let me have my moment but don't let me dwell, OK.
I see a lot of you have questions about online dating. I've got quite a bit experience in that arena. My favorite sites have been Match and Chemistry. I tried OKCupid but other than having tons of fun on all those quizzes, I met one man who disappeared as soon as I agreed to meet with him. It's too open so that a lot of inappropriate folks will try to approach you. I guess if you just want to date, it's not terrible, but I don't think it's the site if you're relationship-minded. I found eHarmony too restrictive and a little "dangerous." That is, you spend so much time getting to know a person's true essence, you can fall for him only to eventually meet him and have zilch physical attraction. It happened to me once, and I think it was heartbreaking for both of us because we really liked each other.
Match and Chemistry, I find, provide a happy medium. I'm also a fan of speed dating and lock and key events. Low pressure, you meet everyone in the room, and if nothing else, you'll have some practice in flirting and have a few laughs. If not, a story to tell your friends.
Someone should start a dating site for cancer survivors!
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Stanzie, that is my "godpuppy" Zorro, and he is a miniature Sheltie. His sister is a gorgeous Shiba Ina named Xina. She's a redhead.
I love animals, especially dogs, but my lifestyle and living situation isn't ideal to own one of my own. One day.... 0 -
BTW, I want to share a story of love after BC from one of my best friends. Her sister's husband of 27 years left her after the diagnosis. She had a mastectomy (still learning the abbreviations, bare wtih me) and now travels the world with her new beau. In fact, I have yet to meet this inspiring woman because once she came back from Africa she was off to Guatemala. So, yes, it happens, and, yes, for women over 40. Have faith!
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BTW, I am a great decipherer of men's profiles so if you want some insight into what he's really like, copy and paste it here. At the very least, we can all have a chuckle. The joke about online dating is that women lie about their age and weight, and men lie about their height and income!
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City! Love all that!!! You know when I was reading these profiles I thought they have to be kidding on some of this stuff. That is hilarious but I totally belive all that. And what is it with men's pictures! Do they not have any other human look at them and say no to the fat bare chests and dreadful dirty baseball caps - really? And it seems like they all just want a physical relationship and no drama. Really life is drama - what is it with that? That one really bugs me - do they want someone not dealing in reality? Thanks!
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I only joined POF for a while, but have also looked at Match, Harmony and Seniorpeoplemeet. It is true you get a lot of the same people on the different sites. Since I'm a senior I get a lot of comments like: Should be equally comfortable in a cocktail dress or jeans. Must have good hygiene (what?) must be thin, must not have any baggage. I wrote back to that one and said "Everyone has baggage when they get into their seventies! I never signed up with the free week-end at Harmony because you have to give your credit card # up front and some people have difficulty cancelling it after the week-end.
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Sorry, for the big print - my finger decided to act up and wouldn't bend and then hit the wrong key
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dogsand jogs - I found most of them said that too. All pretty much the same thing. I believe no dama, no baggage is code for ' I am a shallow man, who can't come through for women and they have been angry and emotional with me due to this because I play games'. They are just looking for a good time with minimal emotional output.
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Here is a profile I saved off of Match- actual profile - no changes: i m 6ft with broad shoulders (x college footballl/baseball player). i work out 5/6 nights/wk. I weight lift and ride bike, itake care of myself. I love 2 cook, travel, sports, bike ride trails, water, wineries, festivals and holidays. i have a wonderful family and luv em all a great deal!! i do drink occasionally i dont do drugs and distance myself from people who do!! i m a christian!!!!i have great morals and very respectful 2 others!! i love life!!!!!!, i want 2 fall in luv and b with that special woman 4 yrs. 2 come. THATS WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT!! P.S. I'm an adult not a child. NO GAMES PLAYED! I'M affectionate i luv 2 cuddle/hug and kiss and don't wish 2 b hurt!!!!!!
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Another (yes these are real): Currently at a point where I am looking for someone with some substance and personality who is independent, complete with a good sense of humor and maybe even with a little edge to them. I am not ready to jump in to any in depth relationship unless it is right for both parties. Been divorced for some time and never remarried - not looking to do so anytime soon. Looking for someone to "hang" with for some duration before anything serious. If you're clingy, can't laugh at yourself or are high mental maintenance I am not your person of choice. My average phone conversations last 30 seconds or less. On the plus side I have always treated my partners well and anything I receive in return I consider a bonus. I have not been in many serious relationships but I have been fortunate to have been in quality situations.
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*sigh* Once I was sitting with one of my best friends, her (now soon to be ex) husband, and my then boyfriend (who I met on Match, was supposed to be the One but it was over as furiously as it started. We're friends now after years of not speaking! Another tale for another time.) Anyway, we get on this topic, and I say, "Too many of these men are holding out for supermodels with PhDs." To which my then boyfriend (a good-looking fella with a doctorate) cheesily grinned and said, "They exist." My answer as I smiled sweetly: "Yes. honey, but they don't want you." I guess I shouldn't be suprised that it didn't work out. LOL!
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This is a doozie: I am looking for someone special who is sweet, caring, loving, faithful, kind, ever lasting, giving, receptive, genuine, sincere, loyal, honest, committed, monogamous, supportive, easy to talk to, capable of emotional generosity and tenderness, participates in my life, warm-hearted, wants as much closeness as possible, my greatest fan as I am yours, emotionally available, someone who I can depend on, communicative, outgoing, happy, cheerful, talkative, free-spoken, unreserved, spontaneous, enthusiastic, playful, laughs easily, smiles a lot, free spirited, flirtatious, a little sultry, a little sassy, has a sparkle in her eyes, trusting, with an open heart, an open mind, attentive, intuitive, respectful, affectionate, warm, a great kisser because I am, ready for an intimate relationship, romantic, relaxed, nurturing, who knows how to make her partner feel special, sees and brings out the best in her special someone, sensitive, responsive, accepting, physically available, uninhibited, enjoys good sex, fun, active, adventurous, eclectic in taste, healthy lifestyle, happy, cheerful, patient, optimistic, intelligent, forgiving, spiritual, loves God, moral, good sense of humor (laughs at my jokes), believes in love, comfortable, and at ease with herself.
Don't worry, I'm not looking for perfection. I know that no one is all of these things all of the time. If we are some of these things some of the time,0 -
A Doozie is a good description! Wonder how long it took him to look up all those characteristics - or maybe he just used a thesaurus. LOL! Well at least he doesn't want much! Does he ever say what he is willing to give or be? I think I'd run.
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City - LOL!
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OMG! Those profiles are so intimidating knowing I could never measure up to even a little bit of it! Geeez, if these guys possess all those qualities, what the heck are they doing on a dating site?Wouldn't it be fun to make a profile that's totally bogus just to see what would happen? It'd read something like this: I'm usually a happy person except after chemo when I'm laying on the couch all day in my 3 day old pj's and I'm an emotional mess until I can rebound. My body is a mass of scars and my one boob looks kinda weird cuz the plastic surgeon was drunk that day. I can be a total bitch sometimes when having to deal with stupid people. My house is usually a mess and sometimes I don't bother wearing makeup for weeks. My family is totally screwed up and they hate the fact that I'm doing online dating. They will probably hate you too and it won't matter what race you are, how rich you are or how you look. My kids are all in prison and have left me with 5 grandkids all under the age of 5 to raise by myself. I'm a raging alcoholic/druggie and have trouble waiting for my next hit of methadone. I hate the stupid AA meetings and my sponsor is an idiot. My parole officer is an idiot too. My car was repossesed yesterday and am facing foreclosure. My medical bills are in the 6 figures, maybe you can help me out with that! I hate any kind of exercise and hate to cook so I live mostly on pork and beans. I have 14 dogs, 8 cats I think and some other furry things running around. Sometimes it's hard to find my sofa where I spend the majority of my time. I love the shopping channels but have maxed out my credit card buying all that fun stuff. If this sounds like a good match for you, gimme a holler.
Hahaha We'd probably get more responses with a profile like that. This is all in good fun but teally, the dating sites are all so misleading about who these guys really are.
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Lynda!!!! LOL!!!! Just hysterical! You probably would get responces all you have to do is add you like sex and you will be swamped with responces - LOL!
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and Lynda (and Stanzie) .. don't forget to add that you have a naughty side and love to dress up in stalkings and high heels -- that will cinch it for sure !!!
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mybee333: Amen!
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Yes!!! How could I have forgotten all the sex stuff!!!!
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Most of them say they are great kissers. Is that really important to them? My very first boyfriend (whom I should have married) was not that great a kisser, but he was a wonderful hugger, he listened to what I had to say, he loved animals, we had so many things in common. Little did I know how unusual that is! I have never met anyone whom I clicked so well with on an intellectual basis (but didn't appreciate it at the time)
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Hi ladies
Mybee the profiles that you took off the sites read like some of some the profiles that I have read on POF. They seem so unrealistic to me that when I get messages from these types of men, I don't answer them.
Stanzie and Rak Great posts! I had a good laugh.
Dogs I think some of these men are taking too much Viagra
I noticed with lots of the profiles on POF (men in their 60's plus) they always manage to mention how much they like kissing, ciddling etc. When these things are mentioned, I think they are hinting that they want sex. Maybe I am wrong, but that is what I think when I read the profiles. It is a real turn off for me.
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I agree that is what I read that all to mean as well. I say relationship first then we'll see about anything more.... I mean really if they just are focused in on the physical then do they not even care about the emotional and intelectual? To me that is a total turn off. My BF even though physically we stopped after BC - he thought it was cause I couldn't but I honestly just couldn't get past the way he treated me so there was just no interest in the physical. I tried many times to get into the mindset but it just doesn't happen without the emotional support.
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Raku - do not, I repeat, do not feel intimidated. I posted these because .......well......they are crazy. #1 - Has emotional/possibly anger issues. ' NO GAMES!!!' His profile is a game itself. Crazy. #2 He has never been in a serious relationship. Really. He clearly states he is looking for a "quality situation" again, if you read between the lines, ie sex play. Crazy. #3 Is looking for a woman who can meet ALL of HIS needs. Narcissist who is unable to see that his partner may have needs too. Crazy again. Guys say great kisser because they think that is what WE like. They like more, as in sex. I happen to like both
but only within a relationship (well the sex part anyway). I think that most women, mature women, really only think it is worth their time if there is some sort of commitment/possible future, otherwise we could just go out with our girlfriends. That is why T. started talking marriage/living together in 3 weeks. To gain my trust. Stanzie - I agree that they can't even begin to see who you are as a person, if all they are thinking about is getting laid. ~ I am sorry you went through that with your former BF. I hear you completely. When T. wasn't there for me, I KNEW it was done. Just took a few more weeks to do it. I am reading a book now that says most psychopaths are not there at all when their partners get sick. That it is one of the biggest indicators that they are some kind of 'path'. Sorry - getting off topic. Hard to stay on topic when I am not really trying to date or find love at the moment..........living vicariously through you all.
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Btw - Rakulynda - None of these guys begins to come close to deserving someone as wonderful as you. You are a jewel. As Carrie says on 'Sex and the City': "So flaws can be beautiful?" Aidan:" Oh yeah. The flaws are the best part", as he lovingly caresses the wood on the furniture piece he is crafting as the perfect wedding gift. Aidan is like, my perfect boyfriend.
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Hi Again
Forgot to mention that w deahen I was at the dance Saturday night, a guy was interested in me. Turns out he is 71. He looked younger than 71, but too old for my taste. POF has been dead.
Guess lots of the male fish are swimming away from me lol
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Dating update: Arthur called me yesterday ( the one who lied about his age) and I just had to tell him that we'd go no further because he lied. I found out about a ton of lies my deceased husband had told me so I have major trust issues. It was really hard to do and I felt bad afterwards but have to trust my instincts. There was no spark with him anyway
Not to worry though, have 2 coffee dates this Wed, with Robert and then Jon but I think I'm gonna have to reschedule with Robert - just cutting it too close and I'm usually exhausted after a coffee date trying to be sweet, interesting and beautiful for usually 2 hours! It's a lot of work to be on your very best behavior for that long!0 -
hi everyone!
Im 27 christian and looking to regain confidence to find the right guy. some say that because ive never had a boyfriend or been out on a date im lucky. i guess i am because i can learn from mistakes others i know have made and try and not make the same ones. People tell me i have a good personality but my main problem is im a bit shy and i have a bit of a speech impetiment.
The BC hasnt helped my confidence either. having only one breast (had left breast removed august 2011) has made me totally loose faith in myself particularly my body.
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I responded to a guy on one of the dating sites that listed about 40 attributes he wanted in a woman. I asked if he had all of those attributes. After that he sent 3-4 emails wanting to get together. No way!!!
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Hi Melp, and welcome !
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