Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Well, yikes and ick all in one! sounds like he is awfully thrilled with himself! Beware!
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Oh my gosh! He sounds really desperate. I went on a blind date with a guy once who pulled up his long-sleeved shirt to show me how wrinkle-free his arms were. He spent the whole dinner talking about how nobody can believe his age because he is in such good shape! Needless to say, there was NO second date--
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That is so totally strange... Do they honestly think that is what women are looking for..... makes me want to give up and I haven't even started..... sigh.
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sometimes the ones who claim or boast they have a lot of money don't.
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Stanzie and Dogs Your posts were funny and made me laugh.
Kward He told me that he was a professional soccer player in Scotland when he was young.
When we were walking to the restaurnat door to leave, he asked me if I like his legs (he had shorts on). I gave him a funny look and he told me that he has a great sense of humor.
Thank goodness that is over with lol
POF is really drying up for me and I don't know why. Does the site stop showing your picture after awhile?
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Don't know anything about POF. sorry. I will start to join one of those sites then think umm no. Sometimes I wonder are there any normal men on these sites but then I know lots of women who do this and they are not odd or scary so.... maybe... I don't know... Just think that most men my age - middle age- if they haven't been married - why? if they have - then what happened and why do I think the wife got rid of you and not the other way around?
what do you all think? Who initiates divorce more often - men or women? I'm voting middle age - I'd say more women but then there are all those men who want young bimbo's.
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Hi Stanzie
First let me say that when I read your post the way you expressed yourself was funny. I am still chuckling.
I think most of the time the woman initates the divorce.
I have even encountered a married creep online at POF. While his wife is at work, he is trying to hookup with women. He claims that his wife has no interest in sex. I told him "I don't either" lol
and "I dont go out with married men" I think that is so sleazy!
Some of the men that have messaged me on POF seem to have their mind on sex. I must look like an old prostitute lol
Seriously, I have enough problems trusting men in general then getting contacted by these jerks does not help my trust level.
I just try to keep telling myself that all it takes is one. The trick is running across the "one"
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Paintedlady - all I have to say is what a weird-o! I think what happens with POF and probably all the other sites is that the men that you set parameters for have all seen your profile and we become "old". Unless a whole new batch of guys sign up for a site, our responses dwindle. I bet if you put up a whole new profile of yourself, you'd get a heap of new responses. There may be plenty of fish out there but our little "pools" become stagnant.
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I've had good luck with Christian Mingle. Had 3 dates from there and this last one (the Italian guy) is working out very well. There are still some jerks on there but not as many.
What Rakulynda said seems to be true. When you first get on there you have a lot of guys contacting you but after awhile, not so much. I've had one date from Match which was more a friendship, three from POF (one was a weekend alcoholic, one was just looking for sex and one was just not my cup of tea).
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Denise -- what have you decided about the cruise?
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Denise
What is going on with the Italian guy?
Please keep us posted
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I agree that once you are up there then you are like a new house on the market and they all rush in to read your profile and contact you... then. well you are still there and they are still there and ho hum... oooh wait another new profile - feeding frenzy! Wheeeee.. nope ... oh well - here we sit looking at each other's profiles... La La La.....
So hmmm, let's think how could this work better? I say if the site had you put up some key info and 1 picture then after say 2 weeks then you answer some questions or say a little more and you can put up another picture.... I think that might make the whole thing more interesting and people more active on the sites.... And let's say you had something like - I hate it when ..... the guy thinks he is so hot he shows off his icky abs in the diner! Ewwww. or I hate it when ... the guy only talks about himself cause well of course he is the Most important human on earth! LOL!! wouldn't that at least be more fun? I think I might pay to get to say things ....hmm??? He he he....
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I like those ideas Stanzie--
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I am new to this thread but I thought I would chime in. I love cruises. You are in the lap of luxury for 7 to 10 days. You don't have to do a lick of work. It is done by magic. Great food too.
However, You really have to know your partner well becasue nothing could be more intimate. You cannot leave if you don't like it. If you stay away all day, eventually you are in the same room for the night.
Maybe I am out of line, not knowing enough about you and your relationship. Just saying.
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Stanzie - your last post was the first time I giggled all day.
btw - I think in middle age, the woman almost always initiates the divorce. Men become comfortable with routine and quite attached. Women are frequently looking for more as they get older, a richer experience as it were.
My ex acted like he had a lot of money in the beginning - big winer and diner. Ltr I found out where he was really at financially. Kind of like me but always criticizing me for not bringing enough to the "table" financially. Now he is with someone who makes 1/5 of what I make. Which shows you it was never really about the money. Or that he just plans to leave her in time.........Nothing new here.
I am scared of online dating because although I can see when T. started lying, in retrospect, I still wouldn't recognize it NOW if I had never met him. He was just so free and easy with the truth. I have lost faith in my own judgment. I really hope that goes away. I don't know if I want to be alone forever.......hard to meet folks in real life.
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This looks like a fun site.......it just popped up on FB. I would like to try it but I wish my breasts were done.......
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Welcome InfoBabe! I'm afraid to go on a cruise because I get seasick very easy. I tried reading a book in the car while my late husband was driving and I got such severe vertigo I had to go to the hospital. Something about the brain thinks you're moving and your eyes telling you different or vice versa. I told Tony about my concern and we may look for something else to do, maybe St. Augustine.
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Maybee - once again I so could have written your post! Are we related? Anyway, I had this one wonderful counselor who helped me through my divorce as I was totally blindsided by who my ex really was. I did initiate the divorce but I was positive he would be a "normal" person going through the divorce and would take care of the kids - Wrong! He was so out to hurt me all that went out the window. Later I did find out he confided in a friend that he finally understood he was not a good husband. Anyway, she said to really listen to your instincts - they are there just buried - so try hard and get in tune with yourself and listen to yourself and let that be your guide.
Of course this now 5 years out and it still took me 2 years after horrid treatment to get rid of my last ex. So, I'm not doing so great either... I will say I did know
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Good Morning Ladies
I think I am seeing a pattern with phone calls with these guys. When talking to them, at some point in the conversation most of these men bring up kissing etc (we have posted about this issue before). When the men start discussing this topic with me, I tell them I would only do it in a committed relationship.
Usually I have to explain what I mean by committed because what they seem to mean is just bf/gf. I mean marriage My thought is why would they buy the cow when the milk is free.
Am I missing something here? Am I naive?.
Once I say this, most seem to loose interest and I never hear from them again. These are men in their 60's.
I am getting the feeling that they don't want me for a spouse just a friend with benefits!!
Should I be less honest at first? I don't know how to handle the sexual questions. I did try to avoid answering, but many persist until I tell them my thoughts. Is there some type of technique to this? or am I just attracting all the ones that just want sex?
I am getting really frustrated with this sex issue!
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Good morning Paintedlady -- I think as for the question, I would be a bit evasive -- I believe that some men are out of a relationship and they think that this is the 21st century and everyone is free with sex. They like to talk big but I do believe in many cases that when it gets to that -- if the woman was the aggressor, they would back down. Remember many men have "problems" so it is good to talk ... that way they think they are impressing the woman.
Not sure if this makes sense or not -- I would just say back that intimacy is important to you -- see what is said back.
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I finally got so fed up with the sex questions on POF that I put on my profile that I don't believe in intimacy until I am married. Certainly cut my emails down in a jiffy!
As far as kissing I don't see a problem with it as long as they don't try & shove their tongue down your throat. I hate that!
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Reading a book in a car makes me sick too. The ships are very stable but there is always a gentle movement so it might not be a fit for you.
Saint Augustine is one of my favorite places. Loads of charm and history. Lots to do. You can get a place on Anastacia Island, the barrier island on the ocean. It can be right on the beach. You will have a wonderful time. Nice time of year for it. Might try a short boat trip to see how motion sick you really are.
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Denise
That is exactly what is going on: When I am on the phone with some of these guys and they start getting on the topic of sex, I tell them that I will not do it outside of marriage. They quickly loose interest and I never hear from them again.
Guess that is why I am winding up with nobody. Either all these guys do this or I am getting the ones that want a sexual encounter. It is really getting old. So it seems if I wont put out than I get no boyfriend.
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Painted Lady- Wow, that is hard... I guess I haven't had that kind of encounter having not "dated " in a long time. But I agree I would be evasive on that - I mean if they ask if you enjoy sex or intimacy you can say yes but just say I need to take things slow. Then once you actually get to know them and they get to know you then if you tell them you are not interested in sex without marriage then you will both know if that is the way the relationship is headed. I guess I'm saying if you immediatly cut them off with nothing till marriage - well at this point you don't even know if you want to talk on the phone with them the next day let alone sex! Yes the men are "chomping"at the bit as in most relationships when the relationship starts to go bad sex is the first thing to go. So I think for most men now back out on the playing field they are like a kid in a candy store and when looking at all these "potential" women the first thing on their tiny brains is sex. But truthfully when and if they get around to thinking about it. They don't want one night stands or a quick relationship -I mean seriously I don't think they could actually handle it. I think their brains are back in their 20 year old mindsets and think they are these hunky young studs instead of fat balding middle age or older men!
I guess I wouldn't cut them off too quickly. You just have to be stronger than they are and flirt and hold your ground and you will be fine. Telling them no right off the bat is probably too much like their ex's to tell the truth. Anyway, you have to first get to know someone...on both sides so I think it is just male beating of the chest and bravado!
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To be honest, while I wouldn't want to jump into bed too quickly, I sure wouldn't want to wait until marriage to have sex. Nor am I interested in sex talk during the first few conversations. But before I would ever get married again (which I don't plan anyway) I want to know as much as possible about a guy and sex is part of that. For many people it is part of the courtship and to be told "no" unless you marry me first is a major turn off - it's almost like manipulation. eg. if you do something for me (marry me) then I will have sex with you. Does that mean sex is a reward for doing what you want? What about a mutually satisfying physical relationship where both parties are equals. But if you feel that strongly, I agree putting it on your profile is the way to go ... there are bound to be some men who feel the same.
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Stanzie
Thanks for the post. You did make me laugh at the way you describe these balding men.
I just got off the phone from another one. I am suppose to meet him Sunday. See what happens.
Another one is suppose to call me when he gets home from work this evening.
Both of these, so far, have avoided the sex talk. That is refreshing.
But you are right I have to be a little flirty: Never been good at that!
It is sad that we have to play all these silly dating games. I find it tiring, but not fun.
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Hi Hrf
I just noticed that you posted while I was typing the other post.
I guess what I am thinking is why would they want a committed marriage if they can get sex without any responsibility.
I know as a Christian, it is a sin if i do it before marriage. Most of these guys I am meeting don't seem like strong Christians to me.
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Paintedlady, I respect your position. I grew up at a time when we were taught that "why would they get married if they get it for free?" ... while there are men who are users/players - then as well as now - which is why it is important to take time before getting into bed ..... I just don't think that old value system is valid for the many men or women these days. I have 3 sons - 2 married and 1 engaged. I can assure you they were having sex long before there was talk of marriage. My 3 DILs are lovely, fine, respectable, women - very family oriented .... i.e. they married because they were in love and sex was an expression of their love. As women, we just have to be careful not to trust the "wrong" guy.....but for the right guy real intimacy is special and makes the relationship more special. However, I do understand your position. I am not Christian but am another religion and I know that sex before marriage is not "allowed" either and for the very Orthodox, when a young couple meet - if they like each other they get married quickly so as not to be tempted. I waited until marriage when I was young (thought I'd be struck dead if I didn't) and my ex turned out to be not only a lousy husband but also lousy in bed - of course I didn't have a comparison but I think a man's personality can show through - if he is lacking in sensitivity in the bedroom, odds are he is lacking in sensitivity period. And some women use sex to manipulate - so it works both ways. But you must be true to your values.
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Thanks Denise, Stanzie and Hrf for your input. It really help alot.
I am thinking about what you said Hrf.
You are right. I think many couples have sex before they get married.
Guess I am just afraid. I dont want to be used. I dont even know if I can do it anymore to be honest with you. I think it means more for the man than for me. Seems in the past, i like it while the relationship was new than I get sick and tired of it.
I don't think the way I think is normal.
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Painted Lady - I'm sure you are normal in the way you think. I just think you haven't had a strong loving relationship with a man who is really caring as it should be an expression of love and should be wonderful for both the man and woman. If it is only good for the man then he is being selfish.
I think flirting is where you need to be. I think if instead of going on these dates looking for someone to marry you need to go on the dates to enjoy meeting someone new and just have fun! If they throw out all the serious stuff and sex just say let's get to know each other and see what happens.... If they move too fast for you then of course say no but you dont' need to tell then nothing till marriage - that will turn them off and you may be missing someone wonderful. So just say you are old fashioned... and flirt - well that is if you actually like them of course! LOL!
Just remember getting to know someone doesn't make where you are worse but it could make it better.
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