Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
Comments
-
hi all just an update
My radiation burns are nearly healed just the skin is a bit brown not the white colour the rest is. Went to a youth formal event tonight at my church. it was the first formal event that i have been to since year 12 at school!!!
i didnt know many people but it was still a fantastic night
cool decorations and after some food and drink we went into another room and were able to disco dance. they had a dj and disco lights so we all did lots of crazy dancing!!! i had not felt so free and alive since before i was diagnosed! my confidence level was really high! no approaches by the opposite sex but it didnt matter much. there were a few hot guys there though. I felt really good looking in my dress and sparkly shoes and i didnt care what people thought of me there. 0 -
Welcome Victoria! This is a great thread for us singles - you can get advice, cry here, laugh here and just feel like part of a wonderfully supportive group.
On the bra issue, my breast was reconstructed very successfully back in 2003 but since I've lost so much weight, have almost nothing to put in one!
Seems my issue now, especially living in Tucson, is finding tops that cover my port - it sticks out like a sore thumb and is very visible if uncovered. Since this is my 2nd port, they placed it closer to center than the 1st one so any scoop neck or tank tops are out. When I look in the mirror, it just makes me feel like "cancer girl". Even the tubing that goes up to your neck is visible but not as noticeable. Blech. It's also really hard to find size 4's that don't look like teenage 17 magazine. Wish I could get back to a size 8, but all attemts have failed . Fortunately my weight is holding steady at around 120 - much too skinny for 5'7"!
I've been away from home for a week now visiting my daughter in Santa Barbara and having so much fun. The dating scene is obviously on hold for now although the last guy I met before I left has been sporadically messaging me on pof. Says he wants to get together when I return. He he hoping my absence will make his heart grow fonder even if I'm not really sure how I feel about him after just one date. It's just kinda nice to have something to look forward to when I return home other than chemo, blood draws and that MRI on Tues.
Three other guys have initiated contact since I've been here. One was unable to write any semblance of a complete sentence with loads of misspellings, one mentioned in his profile (among the other usual stuff) how erotic, sensual, sexual cuddly, kissy he is (gag), and the 3rd one's profile picture was just plain scary! Geeez, you'd think a guy would take the time to get a haircut and trim his facial hair and get up out of his bed to have a pic taken!!
So dear diary, this is how it goes.
Paintedlady - hope your meeting went well - always love to hear the details!0 -
P.S. Anyone heard from dragonfly lately - she used to post here regulaly and I've been missing her wit and positive posts! Hope you're ok dragonfly!
And melp, just wanted to say how happy I am that the dance was so much fun. Did you wear your mask all night?0 -
Mybee and Stanzie Sorry about all the distress this cancer is causing you (us). I know it is difficult finding clothes. I didn't have a mastectomy, but I still have the port in. All my tops have to be up to my neck or the bump from the port is visible.
Stanzie you did the right thing by deleted that person: There is no reason we should be stressed unnecessarily. We have enough stress just dealing with the crap of this disease.
Melp Glad you had a good time at the dance.
Rak you had me chuckling as you described your POf experiences.
I don't think this guy tonight is going to be the one: Every time I go to the dating site he is there
available to chat with whomeveer.
Finding this elusive Prince Charming is work lol Maybe such a person doesnt even exist at my age. I think if they are that wonderful, the women would keep them.
0 -
Stanzie - I was just on a couple of other threads and found that this discomfort we feel physically is also shared by others (despite what my PS inferred.) I usually wear just a simple bandeau altho' this comes off once I come home. It seems like there are so many complications.I am hoping that the discomfort and pain ease with time. If not, what can we do......besides look for more comfy, yet somehow pretty bras. The problem is that the implant, I find, can't be lifted up or shaped. It feels like it is leaving the socket/pocket in my chest and that is painful!!
T. had a new gf a month after we broke up and that has been hard. I think since he never really thought of me as a 'real' person beyond a 'girl' who could meet his own needs, it was pretty easy to replace me. I had to keep reminding myself that I broke up with him and that he is treating her probably worse than he treated me because he is angrier yet following our failed relationship. I just recently totally blocked him on FB so I can't see anything. But.........I can still see a simple version of his page by using my daughters login. I keep looking to see if he has unfriended and broken up with her!! But just to show you what kind of man he is, on his photos page he still has 44 photos from our AZ vacation. Not only am I in them, I am the cover of the album. This is of course still there, just to torture her.............
Last we heard DF decided not to date - perhaps she has moved on and is happy? I hope so.
melp - so glad you had so much fun. I am going to a wine tasting tonight with a girlfriend and so looking forward to it.
You know, we have ports, and scars and misshapen boobs, etc. We can try to fix all those things but the reality is............are you ready...........we had/have BC!! That's why they call us survivors. We have been through so much and there is no way to really change that.......and I cry as I type
.I think I spent the first 6 mos. in shock, the second 6 mos. grieving the loss and wanting to strangle T. and am still..............accepting that I had BC. Hopefully to never come back. But this is the disease and history we live and share. We are still absolutely wonderful women, in some ways more beautiful, sensitive and emotionally alive than before. ((((hugs)))))
0 -
Mybee as I read the last 2 paragraphs of your post it brought tears to my eyes.
After I read the paragraphs, I just realized I dont go in front of a mirror much any more when I am bare. I don't like seeing my browned, cooked boob from the radiation. It reminds me of the pain, and the chemo, and the fear of it coming back. Oh, how I hate to think about it!
0 -
well I went to meet the guy. He gave me a long stem rose when I met him at the restaurant. We had a lovely dinner went by the water for a while and talked. He said that he wanted to go on another date. When I got home he was online. I noticed he stays on that dating site for hours at a time.
Then before I went on the date, I met Mike on POF. I chatted with him for a couple of hours and we agreed to chat again in the evening. When I got home I chatted with him for another 4 hours. Just gotdone talking to him.
He is a hunk. Retired postal worker. So far I really like him as far as I can tell. Hopefully I will meet him in the flesh very soon.
0 -
no i didnt wear the mask all night it got annoying.
0 -
painted lady - sometimes it will show they are online if they havent logged out. I also know that sometimes I would show as online when I wasnt.
0 -
Hi everybody, I think I may have posted here a long time ago...someone asked about a success story so I thought I'd let you all know that yes, finding love after dx and tx is possible! My ex-husband bailed on me in the middle of chemo 3 years ago and I thought I'd never find anyone again. I met my current boyfriend (online, no less!) two months before getting a second primary dx. When I gave him the news, I babbled on and on about how I'd understand if he wanted to end the relationship and he finally stopped me and said "Would you shut up! I'm not going anywhere." He totally supported me through my BMX and subsequent hospital stays for complications, goes with me to my fill appts, makes me feel like I'm still attractive, and tells me he's proud of me for being so brave (I'm not brave!!!). And I wasn't even sure I liked him until the 4th date!
So don't anyone lose hope, it will happen! I think a lot of times we women see dating as a means to an end - getting married/being in a relationship. It takes all the fun out of dating! I finally realized I had to look at it as a way to have fun, get out, meet new people, flirt a little. When I met my boyfriend, I didn't give a rat's ass whether he liked me or not. I didn't go into it thinking about a future with him. I don't think about our future now. Who knows how long we'll be together, I just know I'm enjoying the hell out of him right now! So have fun with it ladies! There are good men out there.
0 -
paintedlady - maybe the rose guy was online because he had such a great time with you that he wanted to stare at your pic!
0 -
Twinmom- thanks so much for sharing a success story - very nice to hear.
Paintedlady - I agree- I forget to log out all the time and leave sites up.... I know it could be he is on but that would be my first thought as well. Sounds like you are meeting some nice men! I'm excited for you. I also admire your courage in going out there to meet them. I'm still working on tha one.
0 -
Hi sisters,
I initiated a break from Franklin, because I do not like how I act around him--The work we did with the counselor was very good. Franklin does NOT want to get married, does NOT want to settle down, and is NOT right for me. I sure as heck wish it were different. My biggest challenge is accepting reality. But I miss him! wah wah xo
0 -
Hi ladies
Hope you all are having a great evening.
Lovemyfamily I feel so sad for you. I wish there was something that I could do or say to make you feel better. Gosh, relationships hurt sometimes when they don't go as hoped for.
Twinmom Thanks for sharing. I am glad to see some men dont bolt after you tell them the diagnosis.
Kward and Stanzie It may be that he just leaves it on. I just came online and the Rose guy was on there again. Don't know if he has been there all day or not because i haven't been home to go online.
I also got a message from Mike. He is going to chat with me tonight or tomorrow. I told him tomorrow because I am suppose to talk to the widower guy tonight.
I am suppose to meet another guy tuesday for coffee. He calls me about once a day. I am a little concerned because he talks about drinking alot.
I haven't told any of them about my bc. Now my thinking is that if I am not being treated for it and don't have any signs of it why do they have to know? It may never come back again.
Sorry for the long post
Love you all
0 -
lovemyfamily - How do you feel around Franklin? Your feelings are a great gauge. It's called intuition.
painted - You crack me up! How do you keep them all straight! I can't remember.......did you have a lump. w/ rads.? Not a mastectomy right? If you didn't have a mastectomy you may not have to tell them and when you care for someone enough to share your story, well, then, it will be right and flow naturally. I wouldn't worry about it.
0 -
I went to a winetasting last night w/ a GF - fun. I went to a Photography 101 class today, also fun but overwhelming. (Tony gave me this camera for my birthday two years ago, can't/won't explain how to use it, loses the manual on me, looks at me repeatedly like I am ungrateful idiot when I can't figure it out - God help me!) The class brought back memories as you can see, but.........learned a lot!! I heard about a photography meet up group in my area. They go places, take pictures, talk about using the cameras, even have a class or two. I am going to look into it. Trying to rebuild by doing positives.....
Still angry/sad, etc. too much.................but LOVE being home with my kids! Two steps forward, one step back.
Painted - I don't think you can know much about a guy until you meet him in person. Tony lied/misrepresented himself a lot in his early emails but I didn't even know it. Again - I think you have to get that instinct thing going. Sounds like you have pretty good gut instincts.
Going to the Dr. tomorrow about my extreme knee pain. Think of me, hobbling over here and dying to work out
Peace.
0 -
I agree if we CAN just listen to our instincts and not be swayed by all the other stuff.
Lovemyfamily- I can so relate.Sometimes emotions are just SO hard!
Painted - I agree you are too funny- I don't know how you keep them all straight either. I'd have to have a note pad by the phone so I can remember who is who! You must be doing something right is all I can say.
So my sister is coming to town so I'll be busy this week which is good then maybe I'll get up my nerve and try one of the sites for real.... I'm thinking if I'm actually meeting men then maybe it will be easier to distance myself from ex BF. Don't remember if I told you all. Turns out he doesn't have new GF just changed his status - to cryptic notice which I took to mean GF. Shoot I fell for it.! Wondering if he did it on purpose. I was so sad and thought only about the good times so I stupidly opened the lines of communication and wrote him a wish you well with your new relationship note. I thought I was putting closure on the whole thing and acting mature but perhaps I was trying to re-establish contact.... I don't know. But his responce when I first read it was angry later reading it I think he is just very hurt but his responce immediately brought back stress and just an UGH feeling. So I know really I do - I know he is not the right person for me, no matter how much I care for him. So thinking I need to hurry up and take the jump so at least I can be distracted and who knows share odd men stories with you all....
Speaking of odd stories, my son, who is hilarious and is an always searching for food teenager decided the cat's canned food smelled really tasty so tried some. Yes he did. He loved it! We read the ingredients (it was some fancy food I had just gotten her, since she is so picky she won't eat hardly anything) and they were actually amazingly good for anyone. But .... can't quite get it through my brain he liked the cat's food. Said he thought it would be tasty on a sandwitch! Haven't checked to see what he packed for lunch but he was eyeing the one with lobster----- LOL! Maybe this is why we have kids to provide unending surprises of humor. Oh, by the way, nope no sign of a tail or furry ears...... yet!
Have a great Monday!
0 -
Maybee - good for you with the photography!!! And I have the manuel to my camera and ??? that helps me - how? Actually you can look up any manuel online if you can actually understand them. I was online one night where a friend's daughter was posting pictures of their Christmas trip to France, and was thinking they are nice travel photos. Then all of a sudden they totally changed and were these fabulous interesting travel photos. Turned out she had taken a photography class and it just all clicked and her pictures were just amazing! So hope this turns out to be something wonderful for you! Post some if you can! Love that you are doing that!!!!
0 -
Thanks for relating Stanzm mybee, painted lady. I do miss him alot. But, I was actually getting sick of myself the way I acted around him. good thing work is busy, keeps my mind of him. But just so you guys know--I would jump his bones in a NY minute. I don't know what that man has, but I want it. Oh, yeah, I am supposed to thought stop that kind of thinking!! lolz xo
0 -
Hi all! Update on the tow-truck guy I met in real (yes, real!) life a few weeks ago. Since we live 100 miles apart, we've been communicating via phone and email. He's so totally respectful and unassuming, never pushing as to when I migjt be in the area, even asking my permission online if he can call me! We finally met for the 2nd time for coffee and it was nice but. . . he comes from such a totally different world than me - has lived a hard life, been in prison in his younger years for drugs, ex-heroin addict, recovering alcoholic, totally uneducated, has never travelled anywhere and really has no knowledge of the world, current events, has probably never read an entire book, severe learning disabilty, etc. etc. But a nicer guy has probably never walked the earth. He has taken custody of his 2 grndkids age 5 and 7, as his daughter is a drug-using mess and works 6 days a week to support those kids who he protects and loves like a papa bear. So. . .we really have very little in common and I could never really consider a future with the guy with so much drama, history and baggage. Do you all think I'm being elitist? I really just want to keep him in my pocket as a good friend even though I doubt that most of the time, he hasn't a clue what I'm talking about. All opinions are very welcome!!!
0 -
rakulynda, I don't think that you are being an elitist. I actually think you are being honest. There is something to be said for that. People live different lives and it doesn't necessarily make you any better then him but makes you very different from him. Although you can be friends, I am not sure you can ever really be close friends for that reason. It is nice that he crossed your path and you both will have learned and benefited from this.
0 -
I agree with Joanne, There is nothing elitist about finding that you don't have alot in common with someone.
0 -
I also agree and I don't see why you can't be friends. I have had all types of friends at different times in my life and you can always learn something for anyone you meet. They don't have to have the same back ground or education to teach you something. Anyway sounds like you enjoy his company for now so why not? Sounds like you both can get something out of the friendship - doesn't seem like it would turn into anything serious as the differences may be too great but hey you never know, do you? I say after BC - why not give it a chance. Can't hurt to have another friend.
0 -
Stanzie - loved your cat food story. Read it to my son (age 14), who looked at me blankly. Then......two minutes later says "I'm hungry!" Too funny.
You know it's funny you were thinking of getting back out there. I was feeling sad and sentimental about T. today and then suddenly realized - It's not him I'm missing at all (obviously!) although we did have some good times. I miss being held, I miss touching, I miss sex. I miss having a confidant. I miss the sense of my life moving forward and.....most of all I miss not thinking about Tony!!! Once my recon. surgery is redone and I am healing......it will be about one year and I think I will be ready! Which is good because I didn't think I could ever trust again. But now....not so much. I realize he was just one small tiny little petty man. I'd like a new one that is a real man
I must be healing some!!To be honest - I don't see the tow truck driver thing going anywhere even as a friendship. Men are not usually looking for friends and you are not looking for him. I don't think it is elitist. You have had different lives.
0 -
Good morning Ladies
Stanzie the cat food incident is so funny.
Mybee I had a lumpectomy, but the timor was near the rib cage; so you cant see any difference by looking at the boob in terms of scars or size. However, the radiation burned me. I look cooked over my whole boob. It is light brown all over and everything else is light. The discoloration is noticable plus I still have the port.
The photography class sounds really interesting and fun.
Stanzie and Mybee I do keep notes because I was mixing them up!. But it really seems like it is feast or famine. I am usually not this busy lol
Rak You definitely are not being any elitist. You know the person that you would be happy with.
To accept anything less would not be fair to you or the guy.
Well, ladies we will see if Mike calls this morning. I will let you know how my meeting goes with Ed this afternoon.
Have a wonderful day
0 -
Mybee,
It's not him I'm missing at all (obviously!) although we did have some good times. I miss being held, I miss touching, I miss sex. I miss having a confidant.
Your words are my feelings. Thanks for putting them down on paper. xo
0 -
I am so grateful for this particular thread and thought I would share my stories which are bitter sweet. I was married 35 years and knew we had problems but had no idea divorce would occur. I would never have chosen to leave this man regardless of the difficulties, to death do us part despite alcoholism and financial concerns.
Fast forward 18 months. Big realizations. I am fullly self supporting. In fact I am very liquid financially, surprise number one. Number two, my life is sooo sweet without the negativity I had experienced. Number Three I had been given the biggest gift of my life, new view and new life. So my younger friends took me shopping for clothes after I lost 35 pounds. My hair changed. My eyes lasiked. Makeup. I felt sooo beautiful and full of it!. Happy as can be getting courted by different men, dining, symphony, theatre, you get the picture. FUN.
Took my time after meeting Mark who was completing his divorce after 40 years of marriage. 6 months into this amazing realtionship I got the breast cancer diagnosis. Mark has on the Susan B Komen t shirt that first night. He kept me so happy and safe during the mastectomy, chemo and reconstructions....Accepting and tender, funny and inclusive. His wife had had breast cancer. He knew the drill. I skiied again for the first time in 16 years, I biked 15 miles with him often during treatment. Amazing new life. Happy happy happy.
After my last surgery he parted with me to return to his wife who had made changes in her life that seemed to include renewed hope for their marriage. He had to look again.
So then the tail spin of sadness, loneliness and another opportunity to build a life of my own. Several months later after deciding to take on the seulement life, Rick comes into my life, unsolicited!!!....No match.com, no POF!!!... I am just doing my life, trying to see who I am now. His wife died a year ago, he's nearly ready for a new partner and we are now dating wtihout sex, taking it very slow and I am glad I don't have to request to see the divorce decree, (a lesson learned)..... So am thinking how this will pan out, very hopeful and continuing to be very determined to create my own life in the arms of this wonderful new friend.
So that's it. It can happen. More to be revealed...
0 -
Hey ladies, just popping in to say hi! Nothing new for me to report. Life is about the same, working lots, living life and having fun. Went on a 5 hour limo wine tour with friends this weekend, oh and I bought my 1st ever brand new car!
I meet great guys all the time, who I think this guy seems nice then oh... he's married. Mainly like at work or the dog park, but they don't wear a ring. Geeze, what's up with that? I've tried the POF, match, eharmony and had no luck. I think I also tried Christian mingle at one point and there were hardly any guys in my area on there. Guess for whatever reason I am not supposed to be dating right now. 0 -
Hi DF! Glad to see you popping in!! You may be right. Timing is everything. My life is way too busy right now for a partner! Lots of family stuff. I hope you are good and you are happy - at least overall!
ghsnead - Welcome and Wow! What a story. You have really been on a rollercoaster ride of emotion. I am hoping that things settle for you for a while. Sounds like you meet some nice guys with depth, but that again - like above - Timing is everything!
Love my family - I have been thinking about my post too. I think it's mostly touch I miss- hugs, being held. As I have so infrequently been without a partner (I hope that doesn't sound wrong - lots of settling for less than I deserved occurred!) I am not used to not having touch. Teens are not that great at touch lol .Now when they were little......it was so sweet. But as they grew, I turned to my husband, something was not there and the marriage failed. I miss being held.
pl - I don't think a burned boob is so bad. I know it feels awful and will take courage to be intimate, but sometimes I think BC was a good way to slow down, as far as men go, at least for me. I will certainly guard my heart in the future, and wait a good while before I share my precious body. When the kids were little I used to say that spilled milk was God's way of making me wash my floor! Similar idea, although I don't believe God wishes cancer on any of his children.
Peace.
0 -
Thanks for your welcome Bee,
It has been quite an emotional ride and continues to be. Just when I am ready to just live simply and learn more about being happy alone and recover from these losses, Rick shows up. Last night we made dinner together. It seems to be mutual admiration club. Taking it very slow and being sure to not abandon myself in this process. So much is new with dating,(I'm 61, last dated age 22....) and then there is my body and my chemo brain and my dessicated joints, thank you arimedex. I am not the gal I used to be....No idea where this is headed but grateful for the company and hope.
Thanks for all these wonderful shares, feel so not alone in this.
Heidi
0
