Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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I am good --- hoping you are getting strong ....mew will try and get together while there is no snow ... Maybe in October ....
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MyBee,
In answer to your question, I meet them in sundry spaces. The first, was actually a college advisor of mine. I swore to confide my feelings if I survived the mastectomy. I kept my promise. The feelings were mutual, so he spoke with his supervisor, I was assigned a new advisor, and we began a one-year romantic relationship spanning a change in my diagnosis which necessitated chemotherapy (I went from a biopsy path of DCIS to a breast path of IDC Her2+). He was a trooper! We remain good friends, maintaining deep love and affection for one another, but our paths are taking us in different directions--he to Poland and me to grad school, not sure where, but somewhere out of state. A couple others I met at a local cafe. (It's friendly in the south. People strike up conversation without hesitation.) And another I met online, via a mutual friend who suggested we friend each other on Facebook. He was a professor in Massachusetts. We made a quick connection (perhaps too quick!) and he flew out to see me twice that month. He was nice enough, just not, in terms of lifestyle, a match.
There have been others who have professed interest, but I won't count them since they only knew that I had breast cancer and thus were not privy to the knowledge that I wear foobs. That secondary info can, I'm sure, redirect some men's efforts toward pursuit (and rightfully so). But the four I mention here were fully in the know and undeterred.
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p.s.: MyBee, whew, what a juggle! My son is entering college this year, so I'm just now beginning that new juggle. He's moving into a dorm, and it turns out the unlimited meal plan on campus is cheaper than what I would spend on feeding him at home! I'm looking forward to the reduced grocery bill.
Sorry to hear about the loss! We've had a few at the high school where I worked. A senior at the start of the 2011-2012 school year was particularly tough. She had just found out she was voted to homecoming court, was on her way home to get her clubs for a school tournament, when a car swiped her on the highway, sending her across the median. Just terrible. She was honored at the senior awards ceremony and later at commencement. There wasn't a dry eye in the room on either occasion.
Peace and blessings... and strength for all those who have been touched by the loss.
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Hey ladies...thank you for your love and support...it's been a tough week. Got really sick from chemo but nuelasta was much worse. I stayed in bed most of the week. I went to target today (my first outing by myself that was not a dr appt) and barfed in the parking lot. I came home and just cried. I can't even go to target, how will I live a normal life. I know it's prob easier for me because I don't have to take care of kids and I'm single, but just really feeling alone. Im glad I found you girls. Thank you.
Mybee...I'm sorry for the loss. I'll pray for the family left behind.0 -
tpolychron - Talk to your dr. There are great meds that will help with the nausea - its all about finding out what works right for you. When I was on AC I took Emmend (pills) and Aloxi (in the IV) - the emmend tricks your brain into thinking youre not sick and the aloxi reduces the nausea - others use zofran but the side effect is headaches and I get migraines already so they used Aloxi. Unfortunately - most of us figure out the right combo towards the end of the cycle.
Karyn
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Tpolychron,
Kward is right - you should NOT be throwing up at all, let alone in a parking lot. Definitely talk to your doctor about adjusting your nausea meds. I also found that drinking a lot of water before, during, and after the chemo infusion helped a lot. I brought two 1.5 liter bottles of water and drank them during chemo. Then I continued to drink after the infusion.
I know how you feel - on one hand, being single meant that I could focus on myself. On the other hand, there was nobody to distract me, no cookies to make or homework to worry about. I felt really lonely, too. It's hard, but I just tried to keep reaching out to people to stay in touch, although some days the best I could do was Facebook or my CarePages site. I know it's hard to imagine right now, but you will get through this period.
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Tpolychron,
I was terrified of chemo. When my onc inquired, wanting to know why I was resistant to it, I told him, "my biggest fear is that I'll be bent over the toilet sick and won't be able to take care of my kids." He then told me, if you're sick and throwing up, then we didn't do our job. If you get sick, call us immediately and we'll adjust your meds."
As noted by another member, each of us finds what works. Zofran made me constipated, so I stuck with compazine. I took my first compazine about two hours after leaving the chemo room, and would take it for the next three to four days as prescribed (every six hours). I then took a half dose and after that only as needed until the next round of chemo. I never waited to 'feel' sick before taking it. Always took it preemptively when I got home. Perhaps you instinctively did the same but the med is not working for you. Either way, call a nurse at the first sign of nausea and have them adjust your meds immediately. There's no reason to feel sick with all the great meds they have now. Oh, I just remembered that the nurses would give me a shot of phenergan whenever they started the carboplatin; for some reason the carbo always made me feel sick as it was being administered. I think the phenergan during treatment helped as well.
I hope you find a regimen that works for you and that the next round goes smoother than this first one. It does get better... and you will get through it... you will.
Sending peace, love and strength,
Anne Marie
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Thanks girls. Finally broke down and called the nurse a few days ago. Told her how I felt. Only thing I was on was zofran and she told me one in the morning and one at night. She said I needed it every 8 hrs and she would try emmend on me next time. Hopefully it gets better.
Went to the 'look good feel better' class today. WOW. Didn't learn a lot about make up but met some pretty amazing women! JUST LIKE YOU GALS! I even met a girl my age and my scenario (single, no kids) I'm not alone! We are going man hunting next week at a local bar (or will just sit and complain while we drink). Either way, I feel better thanks for letting me vent the other day!!!0 -
T: Glad to hear you've made a new friend and are going to go out on the town for some fun. Interestingly enough, the weekend after my first round I went out with friends for drinks! Enjoy. Next drink I have, I'll be making a toast to you.
Cheers!
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TP--so glad you are feeling better!! Blessings to all my bc sisters! xo
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Hi - Just wanted to say hello to everyone. I looked through all the active topics and there aren't any single with breast cancer topics currently active. This one was nicely active for a while. Thought I'd give it a bump up. Maybe I should start a new topic?
My current situation is that 1 - I need support from some other singles, and single Moms and 2 - Am wondering if there is a place for dating in my life without shortchanging my 14 y.o.
Think I should start a new thread? Miss chatting with you folks. How is it going Painted Lady?
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I agree that this thread is quiet ... Where is painted lady and Denise?
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Quiet but still here. Focusing on what I can do to be the best person I can be each day. Sad memories of Franklin are fading, Thank Goodness!!! No new ones in the horizon--for now that is ok! love to all my bc sisters!
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What are you doing to focus on being a better person? I'm glad your memories of Franklin are fading. I am surprised how long this is taking for myself. But in the past I have always just gotten a new boyfriend and poof! memories of the old one faded away. Decided to do it differently this time. Memories are fading, less of a focus, still have flare ups of anger, but am definitely healing s-l-o-wl-y. lovemyfamily - are you considering dating? How long do you think it may be before you are ready?
Spent yesterday at a funeral home 2-9 and then went to the funeral today. Boy from the school I work at. I am a member of the crisis team and so was there for the duration. I also work with his Mom. Rough. Sad, sad, sad. He had a rare bone cancer. Age 14, like my own son. It has really impacted me.
I filled out part of a profile on Match but have very mixed feelings. It's hidden at this point. I like being available at a moments notice for my son. Daughter leaves for college in one week, but will be home on weekends. Life is pretty quiet around here but I am exhausted. Probably still from surgery but today - it is this sad death. In some ways I feel I am still healing from BC. Stronger though. More peace.
How are you doing Joanne?
Love to you all too.
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Mybee I am doing good. Off to the Ontario get together ... Had a party for myself today to celebrate the end of treatment. As for dating, I was on POF but have deleted my profile. I need to get me mentally and physically strong and I am not ready. That was a big step just to even know that.
Joanne0 -
I deleted my eharmony profile yesterday. I didn't know how to exactly exPlain why I'm bald. (and soon boobless)
Today was my brothers wedding. Mixed emotions. Happy for him, but scared for my future.0 -
I think it was good you pulled your profile right now. I think it's pretty hard to pick a good guy and when you have a swirl of emotions, like you do now, I'm not sure you would really know what you were feeling about a prospect. You don't want to leap at the first one because he is there for you now, but not what will make you satisfied and content in the long run. It's just like after a divorce or death, they tell you don't make any big decisions for the first year or so. When in active grief (which you are, let's face it), just grieve.
Strong move sweetie.
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Mybee, I hope there is room for someone special! My son starts college the same day my daughter starts kindergarten. Talk about a mix of emotions. I am so ready to date. I was on Match when I found out I had cancer and hid my profile. I did tell the man I had just started talking to why I could not longer talk to him and there for meet him. He understood. In the past few weeks I have been back on there just to look, but my profile is still hidden. I am not sure it would be fair to them for me to start dating while I am still doing Herceptin (Dec 12th is my last one!). Plus, while I had immediate reconstruction, I am hoping to have the second stage in a few months and about the same time, I am having extensions put in. lol Yes extensions, I cannot wait any longer to have my long hair back! (It was almost to the small of my back. No I will not get it that long!) Then there is also the possiblility of us moving out of state. Basically right now I just want to date and have fun! But how do you explain, I have cancer? That is the big question.
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2miracle...you're right. I met a nice guy online then I was diagnosed. I just told him I don't think it's going to work out. I didn't want to tell him personal info.
When I was first diagnosed I called my ex of many years and told him. He was there for me during my fathers cancer so I thought I should call him. We broke up because we were not healthy for each other. But mybee you're right...all of a sudden we are back in that dysfunctional place we were because I'm just happy someone is talking to me right now. I know I need to cut him and take care of me, but the prospect of having cancer alone is so scary.0 -
Mybee, I know you were worried that this situation would be occuring soon. It must be so hard, not only on the family, but on everyone involved in his care. I am sure you did good work to help.
Love to all my bc sisters, Take it slow, when you are ready then go back. I should be the one to give advice--check back a few months ago and I was falling apart with a broken heart. Talking with the strong women here helped me alot.
Focusing on staying active, prayer, what can I do to help someone today--trying to keep the focus off of what I do not have and keep it on what I do have--lots of love from my family and friends! I don't want to go to that bad place. YUK!
Cancer does a number on us--whatever season of life we are in. God bless all my bc sisters! xo
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tpolychron - I met a nice guy shortly after finishing chemo (i was 39) when my hair was less than an inch long. So you never know - and I met him on eharmony. Everyones opinion will be different on when to tell someone about BC. With him, I did before we even met - I said something like "my hair is not short by choice"... He had a few friends with BC and totally understood. I was recently div (during tx) and he and I dated 18 months (I broke it off). We still remain good friends. Some guys would vanish when I told them but I'd rather know prior to getting invested into a relationship. That was my choice. Wanted to share my experience. I think eharmony and match are good, but my current guy was a referral from friends.
Have fun.
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I was thinking.....once you are done with active treatment it is entirely up to you when you tell someone what you have been through. Some women date during reconstruction, some wait. I still don't have a nipple on my reconstructed breast but thought I might give dating a shot. My thing I think would be to get the BC dx out there pretty quickly. I wouldn't want to like someone and then have him run away.
lovemyfamily - thank you for your kind words. I've been spending time just relaxing with my kids to recover. I like the things you are doing to take care of yourself. Pretty much the same here. It is nice to have some peace.
Signed up for Match (did I say that before?) and already am wondering if I wasted my money and if it is what I really want because I am enjoying my growing peace. Not liking what I'm seeing so far. I feel bad just deleting guys so I try to say something nice. Some of them are instantly a turn off. An interesting attorney contacted me but he's 14 yrs. older than I am. Puts him pretty close to 70. I guess it takes time, I'm sure it does, and I am not looking to have a string of coffee dates. I would rather use my time in other ways.
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I had previously been on POF where the second you sign up there is a deluge of emails. Now on Match, it's pretty slow. Has that been others experience? Or is the pool small on Match? Am wondering if it's my profile...........maybe my ambivalence comes through............or my kids
Spent some money on this............0 -
I've had friends meet their significant others on both. My experience with match was not too great....nothing bad happened, but nothing really happened. A friend who met his wife told me you have to treat his this like a job. Spend a good amount of time on there every day. I tried but still had no success. I'm an average looking girl, so I don't think I'm a dog. I guess it's not my time yet.
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Yeah - it's kind of coming back to me.......I was on Match briefly 5 yrs. ago and there wasn't much action. But fewer undesirables than POF. I thought maybe it had become more popular, but there is so much competition from other sites now too. I'll see how it goes. It's just as well with my ambivalence. At the end of the 3 mos. if it's too slow, I'll just end my subscription.
How are you feeling?
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The only problem I found with either site was that guys still liked to browse - I didn't meet anyone who truly wanted a LTR.
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I'm getting a lot of winks from guys who actually don't have an account, so that is a waste of time, really. Or winks from guys in other states. Also now a good time investment. I block those, just so they don't waste my time again.
I met my ex-husband of 15 yrs. through one of my best friends at a group function. That is really a nice way to do it.
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I find that it is the same guys on all of the sites and yes they like to browse. There really has to be a better way .... just not sure what it is.
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You know, I'm recognizing some of these guys too from POF, not just from this past Winter but from 5 yrs. ago! I wish I could meet one at my church. Truly.
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I'm on POF and am sort of horrified. The quality of guys on Match is DEFINITELY higher - the difference between free and not free, I guess. The guys on POF just don't seem very educated or interesting. I'm e-mailing with a few of them, but we'll see...
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