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Comments

  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 320
    edited August 2012

    I found that most of the guys on POF were only looking for a booty call; one even expected me to have sex with him on our first meet! The second guy was very nice but was a weekend alcoholic. When he wasn't drinking he was great and very respectful. I liked him a lot and when I almost had a break-in at my house, he rushed right over. He also told me he would be there for me when he found out I had BC but then I visited him at his friends house and they were all like a bunch of frat boys; drinking and cursing and getting a little out of hand. He was supposed to call me the next day so we could go to a BBQ but he never called and I told him adios. I don't need an alcoholic in my life. The third guy was an overweight redneck from Texas who had a lot of health issues that prevented him from doing anything active plus he was too touchy feely for me.

    I had better luck with Christian Mingle, dating two guys before I met Tony, who I have been seeing since March. We are engaged but have no immediate plans to marry. He had a bad marriage and I was widowed two years ago today so I'm a little nervous about making a permanent commitment right now.

    There seems to be a better quality of men on Christian Mingle and out of the three, none of them pushed for sex and none of the guys I dated long enough to tell them about the cancer had a problem with it. Of course the only one who has seen my reconstructed foobs (still without nipples), is Tony but I wasn't treated like a pariah like I expected.

    I know when you are alone, it's easy to want to find somebody to help you through it, to tell you they care but being alone with cancer is better than being with the wrong guy for the wrong reasons.

    My husband died 8 months before my DX and I was mad at him in the beginning for leaving me alone to deal with cancer. I was there for him while he was slowly dying of lung cancer for 3 years. But I had family who was there for me and my sister always goes with me to the oncologist just in case I get bad news.

    Anyway ladies, everything is okay with me. I've been in my own apt. since last month and while I get lonely sometimes, especially since Tony is out of town for another 2 weeks, I'm so glad to be in my own place again with my own stuff.

    I wish we all lived closer to each other so we could get together and be there for each other in real time. I think most of us are stronger than we even realize.

    D. 

  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 320
    edited August 2012

    Where is PaintedLady?

  • Tpolychron
    Tpolychron Member Posts: 30
    edited August 2012

    Denise...needed that beautiful story today. Feeling really down about my self image and outlook on life. I know it's temp, but beautiful stories like yours give me hope :)

  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 714
    edited August 2012

    Denise I am so glad to hear from you.  It is nice to hear that things are working out for you and you are in your own place and enjoying it.  Now like you asked .... where is paintedlady???????

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    Denise -It is very nice to hear from you.  It sounds like your life is moving forward and at a comforable place.  I am happy for you.  I bet it is nice to get settled into your place.

    I was going to go with Christian Mingle and I don't know why I didn't.  I think I thought there might be more people on Match but I think the money might have been better spent on CM.  The weeding through process kind of creeps me out.  The other thing is guys contact you from so far away....... I could see if we were younger, but I am very firmly planted at this time;  I have no plans to uproot these kids, or myself for that matter.  I really like my community and my church. 

    I wondered about our lady - PL too.........

  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 762
    edited August 2012

    Yes, let's fantasize about getting together and sharing our stories in a peaceful place.  i offer up my home!  We can laugh and share and support each other.!! xo

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    Okay so....I'm on Match.

    !.  What's with all the middle aged men and motorcycles? Motorcycles, motorcycles, motorcycles.  I know it's a mid-life thing but why so many pics?  do they really think this turns us on? Or is it just showing ..............their interests?..........what turns them on?.........that they're macho?  What is it?

    2. Why all the winks from out of state?  What is the point?  Just to flirt?  To be macho?  Do they think this is a form of flattery?  I feel it is a waste of my time.  I don't want to check all these profiles just to find out they live 3,000 miles away. Jeeezzzzz

    3. Beards.  No wife to tell them to shave it?  A number of decent prospects but with ungroomed shaggy beards.  What do we do?  I don't care for a beard.  Just delete? 

     4. Here's a narrative for ya:  Balding, paunchy middle-aged man desires woman 5-10 years younger to cuddle with, cook me a special meal, walk on the beach and be my special lady. Must be independent, sensuous, love being treated like a queen, laugh at my jokes, make me laugh, be positive and optimistic, be fit and healthy, feminine and financially independent, and work out 7 days a week. No drama queens.  Must like taking off at a moment's notice for a sexy weekend getaway.  Prefer athletic and toned or curvy.  Hot spot: My living room (I just read this tonight as a hot spot.  Really.).

    5.  Spell check.  Learn it. Use it.  It can be your friend.

    Ciao and good night my friends.

  • Tpolychron
    Tpolychron Member Posts: 30
    edited August 2012

    Mybee...love it!!! I could sleep tonight due to SE, and thought I'd check the boards...you make me laugh. Needed that!! Good luck with your search. You seem like a wonderful lady. I'm going to stop surfing the web and try sleeping again. Good luck!

  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 714
    edited August 2012

    Don't forget likes to get dressed up ... Heels. The extent of my heels are 1 1/2 or 2 but these things they wear now ... Never. Stockings and heels ... Like that is going to ever happen.

  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 433
    edited August 2012

    Seriously.  Guys over 50 contact me all the time and it's irritating.  They totally ignore that I want kids (they don't) or they are just looking to date (translation:have sex), while I am looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage. There are perfectly lovely women in their 50's - that's who they should be going for.  

    Two guys my own age that I was e-mailing with have sent me strange e-mails.  We'll see... 

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    I just shared a couple of emails with a guy who suddenly went bold ON me -----with lots of dahssses--------and commas an stuf________misssspllled words and weird stements,,,,,,,,,,my BARC can be wersse than my bitte,,,,,,,,,,,--i nEED somennne to love-----------I hoope i  dddnit scar you. I felt bad for him, but yes, he did scare me.  I think he was drunk.

    Sweetbean - I know what you mean.  Please read my profile. Please.  Don't waste my time, just hoping to get a nibble.  And you are right.  They are just hoping to get lucky/sex.  It's kind of tedious.

    Ahhhh.....such is life. 

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    I just hid my Match profile for a bit.  Seems like I'd have a better attitude if I really wanted to do this.  Too much ambivalence, I think.  Don't want to lose the good things and leisure time with my kids, that I do have.

    Signed,

    Confused.

  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 714
    edited August 2012

    Mybee (confused) ...

    You are being smart ... Enjoy some time with your kids and when the time feels right, you can unhide your profile.

    I know I certainly need more time to come to terms with everything I have dealt with iver the last 8 months.

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    Yes - a solid year is a good period of adjustment time.  Probably more is better for major life changes.

    My 14 y.o.son  is encouraging me to stick with the online dating, hoping to divert me from micromanaging his life, or what I call his "choices"  :)

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    Okay - I have to share this.  Here's a profile I just read:

    I am searching for a partner who knows who she is and what she stands for. She is secure yet, soft natured. She is confident yet, not arrogant. Beautiful and yet, humble about it. Someone who can dress up to an evening gown and down to casual wear all in 60 seconds... someone who is willing to keep herself up and is never to tired to share a gentle, caring, loving moment. Someone who is independent enough to never get bored and yet... able to enjoy a committed relationship. I am in search of the woman who is willing to be a partner. Yet she knows she is the force and support system behind her man... someone who can gracefully acknowledge being the primary reason for our existence. Someone who is very comfortable with who she is, knows where she is going and has a plan to get there. Some who above all has incredible problem solving skills, patience and, the desire to work through difficult issues. Some who has mastered the art of compromise. She has the wisdom to get everything she wants. She is compassionate, nurturing and very generous with her time. Being a good cook would not be a bad thing. She and I would share many common interest. Among them, travel, sports and living life with gusto. She would open the door to experiences I may not know and be willing to walk through the door of experiences she may not know. She likes fine arts and garage sales. Are you out there?

    My answer would be NO - she is not. 

    But - this is the kicker- his only photo shows him covered in silver paint and being a 'statue' on a city street.  You can't see his face at all. He came up in my daily Matches.                             

  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 677
    edited August 2012

    OMG!  What is HE bringing to the table----these guys all talk about the things they want in a woman.  I have read a couple of posts from women, just out of curiosity to see how they compare to the men's, and ----the women never talk about what THEY want in a man They just describe themselves.

    Isn't that the better way: You tell them about yourself, your likes and what interests you and then leave it there.  

  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 677
    edited August 2012

    You are so funny Mybee!  Just checking this site after not being on for over a year. I should check in more often -good for laughs!  Keep us updated - hope you meet someone who deserves you!

  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 677
    edited August 2012

    Gosh Mybee this reminds me of a moment I am not proud of and have never shared with anyone.

    When my kids were about 8 and 10 I was busy looking for someone to love me and my kids so I could stay at home with them.  I had been divorced since they were babies.

    So I'm taking my 8 year old son to my Mom's for babysitting and he is crying. He won't tell me what's wrong. I keep asking "What is it, what do you want?"  He finally blurted out "I just want YOU"

    Oh----I felt like crawling in a hole. I then explained I was trying to find a good dad for him and so therefore I had to go on a lot of dates, but that I loved him very much, etc etc.

    I went on the date ----later on I did meet someone and re-married, but that moment when I wasn't there for my son? I can't forgive myself.

    I hope he doesn't remember this. I am afraid to ask.

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    I know how you feel.  I got this 4 year relationship behind me, and I wonder........what about all the TIME I spent on YOU that I could have invested in my kids?  He didn't care about his own kids much (now has no contact with them) so he never considered this, but I look back and I have to admit I feel some guilt about it; I felt bad at the time.  But you are right, some of the motivation was truly to try to give them a better lifestyle; to go from a one income household to a two income one.  We see how that turned out. I found a guy who ran from responsibility.  Funny how life turns out.

    I think it would be okay for you to forgive yourself now.  I bet your son would...........

  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 677
    edited August 2012

    Thanks Bee--I knew you would understand

  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 762
    edited August 2012

    Dogsand jogs,

    Be kind to yourself and you are very brave for sharing that!  We all have our worst parenting moments.  I am sure your son feels loved and supported! xo

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    Women sure have to do some balancing acts!!

  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 677
    edited August 2012

    Thanks so much--I feel better now--this happened many years ago, but still---

  • Summer_Girl
    Summer_Girl Member Posts: 25
    edited August 2012

    OH my gosh, I am so enjoying these posts.  If nothing else, stay on Match so that you can keep us amused.  Prior to my BC surgery, I'd been on Match.  I found some quality men (just didn't work) and some real skunks.  I let them know I don't give out my email/phone # until after two dates; this makes things much easier when things don't work out; plus there are some nut cases out there.  Always meet them in a public place AND ALWAYS trust your inner voice; it is always right.

     I am so pleased to see this thread; I was just sitting here on a Friday night wondering if I'll ever go on a date again.  I had signed onto Match (just to look) prior to reading all of this.  It is too soon for me to sign on; my Segmental masectomy was five weeks ago (I am very pleased with how I look), but I don't see the Ongologist until this Wednesday.  I am not sure if I need radiation and/or Tamox. 

    Are any of you single ladies on Tamox; It scares me more than anything. 

    I've always said about blind dates (and Match): worst case is, you have a good story.  Seems the worst dates make the best stories!

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    Thanks for the tips.  I am still on Match but being very selective due to time constraints......and decreased tolerance for the ick factor :)  I will keep everyone posted.  I am actually emailing a little with someone who seems to be a very nice gentlemen.  I think it is easy to be nice via email, but he does seem pretty decent so far.  No red lights yet....or yellows......possibly a little boring; that would be good for me. I do agree - you can get some great stories from this.  I know I did 5 years ago.  Had some crazy dates!

    Ciao my friends!

  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 714
    edited August 2012

    Hi Laurie,

    I am on tamoxifen and have been on it for 5 months and things are good. Chck out the thread .. Staring at my tamoxifen Rx.

  • Summer_Girl
    Summer_Girl Member Posts: 25
    edited August 2012

    Thank you Joanne; I will start following the Tamoifen Thread.  I have always been so sensitive to any medication, I hope they take that into consideration.  For example, I take 1/4 the RX for my migraines.  

  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 433
    edited August 2012

    Mybee, that profile made me chuckle.  Who writes these things?  What always makes me laugh is when they say, "I want someone who is as comfortable in an evening gown as she is in jeans."  I'm sorry, WHAT?  I'm a professional singer and I spend a LOT of time in evening gowns and I'm here to tell you that they are nowhere near as comfortable as jeans.  In addition, where are these guys taking these women?  Why does everyone need so much formal wear?  Are they the ambassador to Chad?  I have literally never been on a date where I needed formal wear.  I'm still on POF - I think I will go on a few dates and then go off it again.  Free online dating = very scary possibilities.

    On the other hand, my meetup/networking strategy is going well. I've made a lot of new friends, plus I have met some potential single men in a very non-threatening way.  One is really nice, so we'll see.   Although, I went to a meetup last night and one of the guys there was someone who had contacted me on POF!  Awkward.  I know he made the connection and he hit on me all night.  My sister was there and ran interference, God love her.  

  • negirly
    negirly Member Posts: 199
    edited August 2012

    Laurie - when I was on match I set up another email address that was "non specific" - its amazing how many guys use an email address that contains their first/last name - My email was generic and nice so I could close it at anytime and not divulge any personal information until I knew them.  Almost every guy I met I was able to google and look up on facebook before based on the info they gave me.  One guy was a police detective and pretty private but I still managed to find out his last name etc.... Sort of became a game of mine.  Unfortunately, not much is private anymore.

    Karyn

  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 320
    edited August 2012

    My sons admitted to me once how they hated Spring Break when they were younger because both their dad and I had to work and they had to go to daycare or stay with the neighbor lady. I made sure that one Spring break I took off from work and took them on a 5 day vacation to Lakewood Retreat in Brooksville, Fl and I also took them and a friend to Busch Gardens. One of the few vacations we ever went on.

    Now that they are older (25 & 27), they tell me I was a good mother. They seem to only remember the good things which I am happy about.

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