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Comments

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited August 2012

    Oh!!! LOL! I totally skimmed over all that!! Whoops!

  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 677
    edited August 2012

    Read the last paragraph - that is obviously his - the first one he got out of book or copied from someone else.

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    Interestingly enough......I just got contacted by another widower, younger guy - 52 with one child at home.  Great profile, entrepreneur, bachelors degree, out of state.  I can really see a pattern now.  I don't respond to these, just delete and block.

  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 677
    edited August 2012

    Hm, I find it odd that so many guys (older) with small kids are on these sites. Are they legit or are they guys wanting a mom for their kids?. And why do they have custody?  Isn't that unusual?

    I

  • Galsal
    Galsal Member Posts: 754
    edited August 2012

    i always wonder that myself

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    No. They are scammers.  They are generally, really, out of Africa and indicate they have this lovely child in order to pull in nice, gullible women, ultimately asking them for money for some type of crisis.  I have read many posts on discussion boards indicating that some women, do just that.

  • virginiah
    virginiah Member Posts: 4
    edited August 2012

    I am new to this..i had a total hysterectomy when i was 22 due to cancer..I just got outof the hospital for having a fist sized mass in my pelvis rupture..in the mean time after suregry they found I have breast cancer in my left breast and on the nipple and a mass on my right kidney and my liver is enlarged with tumors in my liver..i am handling this but my family sisters and brothers are backing away and i have been dumped bc oncologist says that I am terminal...and the guy I was seeing broke up with me bc " he doesn't want to get hurt or watch me die" will i anyone ever love me again..I am hoping to make it to my  34 th birthday in december..do you have any advice for me?

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited August 2012

    Virginia- I am so sorry to hear of your breast cancer and it's travel.  How invaded, overwhelmed and frightened you must feel.

    I think we can make suggestions and give you ideas; only you know what is best for you and what may work for you.  I am so sorry too to hear of your family's response.  It is not an unusual response, unfortunately and it is definitely not what we expect. Breast cancer is not all pink ribbons, unfortunately, and contrary to what see in the media; much suffering is involved and people are not always there for us.  You certainly deserve better and will have to give yourself what others do not have the strength to give you.  Mostly you need to take care of and nurture yourself. Do things that give you simple pleasure - music, walking outdoors, being with a pet, whatever that is for you.  Follow doctor recommendations - your medical situation is complex and you may need to turn yourself over to the hands of your medical team.  Let them care for you.  Ask them about resources for support - groups, local organizations, phone or church support that is available. Ask and ask. 

    A number of us were not treated well or avoided, shunned, left, whatever you want to call it by husbands or boyfriends at the time of diagnosis.  It is a horrible thing and unforgiveable. Some were just alone at diagnosis due to circumstance or being widowed. Keep in mind that a man may not be the best focus for you now, although I know that being alone is very hard. You need to take care of yourself and love yourself the best way you know how.  

    I know there are many other women on this thread that will have suggestions. You will want to go to a number of threads on this discussion board too for ideas for support, ways to handle your diagnosis, etc. We have a stage iv forum that I believe is very good, but you do have issues due to your single status that may make you want to come here.

    I wish you peace and love, strength and hope. (((Hugs)))

  • virginiah
    virginiah Member Posts: 4
    edited August 2012

    thank you for your advice..and knwoing unfortunatlely  that i am not the only cancer patient going thru this horrible time...I have a dog which she is my best friend and she "knows" when her mommy is not well..bad news is she is 8 years old and was just diagnosed with Neurofibrosacrcoma and had to have 2 surgeries to remove her tumors..so her and i are in the same boat..I am now on morphine and other meds to help control the pain and large doses of regulin and zofran so i can eat..i just feel crushed and so alone...like  yesterday i was at the oncologist office for 5 hours getting treatment..what a long and exhausting day especially since i was alone..I cry alot now these last couple of weeks and get so mad at people..but i guess I have to be strong for myself and fight bc i don't want to die ..I am to young ...thank you for the help any other advice would be appreciated thank you<3

  • virginiah
    virginiah Member Posts: 4
    edited August 2012

    ihave also another concern they are wanting to do a double mastectomy..the big problem is that reconstruction mya not be possible for me as my hysterectomy scar is hip to hip and this recent surgery where the mass ruptured is from my belly button to my female area...so they  may not ba able to take skin from my abdomen to reconstruct both breasts..are there other options..besides prosthetic bras??

  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 320
    edited August 2012

    Yes there is. I had a DMX with TE's (tissue expanders) put in. They inflate them a little at a time until the desired size or whatever size the skin will expand to. Then you get your permament implants. This is what I did.

    But only your doctor can give you advice on this. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this alone. Wish we weren't so far away from each other. I was widowed 8 months before my diagnosis but I did have supportive family nearby.

    There are a lot of good threads here that will be able to help you. I would advise focusing on yourself and don't worry about trying to get into a new relationship right now. It saps your strength as most of us on here can attest to.

    Blessings,

    Denise

  • virginiah
    virginiah Member Posts: 4
    edited August 2012

    thank you for the help I will talk to my dr about this option..yeah i have been  crushed by the recent break up bc he said "he would not leave me" yet he did..your right i am eexhausted and need to focus on trying to fight..thank you

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited August 2012

    I agree! There are options if you want reconstruction but taking care of you is most important right now. What about friends? I am sorry about your family backing away- were they able to be with you at your first surgery at 22 I think you said? They might just need a little time.Hopefully they will step up. But your doctors should be able to help you and figure out what your options are. Do you have a stage yet? If so there are many threads which might be able to guide you more throughly medically. I'm so sorry your bf dropped you, but many do... mine just got mean and hateful and I had to throw him out. So don't worry about that right now. Take care and let us know what we can do to help you.

  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 433
    edited September 2012

    So I have been going to meetups for a few months now and this very nice guy asked me out.  :)  And I was one of those who was dumped by my boyfriend because I had cancer - I seriously wondered how I could date after cancer.  Turns out, I am still adorable.  Apparently.  :)  

  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 433
    edited September 2012

    Virginia,  Search PAP or TUG flaps - they are new reconstruction procedures that use tissue from the upper thigh and the bottom of your buttock.  I'm having it done in January.  So sorry this is happening to you, but don't give up!  There are options for you!

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited September 2012

    Okay - I'm gong to cut and paste a long profile of a gentleman who apparently expressed 'interest' in me (I came up in his Daily Matches and he clicked 'yes', for those of you unfamiliar with the site).  Pass on by if this is too much reading or you are uninterested. The whole profile sounds too good to be true, or less than humble or something.......something seems off about it.  What do you think?  btw - he lives in a low socioeconomic area, just outside of detroit.

    Wow!!  The profile has been removed, like within the last 20 mins. How weird! You know, I told Match not to renew my subscription in Nov.  I wonder if they send me these too good to be true profiles to keep me 'hooked'.  I would never join this site again.

  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 677
    edited September 2012

    Oh---too bad it got removed. Was looking forward to reading it.  Mybee are you on any other dating sites now?  I quit POF a few months ago. Too many "off the wall" guys. Someone suggested christian mingle--

  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 320
    edited September 2012

    Darn! I was looking forward to reading his profile.

    On another note: God does work in mysterious ways sometimes. I've been going crazy trying to find Louis' wedding ring. I thought maybe I had put it away somewhere safe and just couldn't remember where. Today I get a phone call from the lady who bought Louis' recliner about 2 or 3 months ago. She put her hand down the side and it went on her middle finger! And she is honest enough and earnest enough to track down my cell phone number from the Craigslist ad! I'm picking it up tomorrow or Monday. Thank you Lord! 

  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 677
    edited September 2012

    How nice of her Denise!. Not everyone would have bothered---

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited September 2012

    Wow!  The Lord does work in mysterious ways.  Sometimes maybe he uses these little things to remind us. I am so glad she called you!!

    Yes - I will definitely sign up with Christian Mingle next time.  I am realizing I am less than ready and am working on rebuilding some stabiity for myself and my kids.  I am enjoying them too, which is nice. ( I think POF has some pretty off the wall guys too).

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited September 2012

    Virginia - How are you?  I woke up at 2:30 -( typica)l and thought of you.  Let us know how you are............

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited September 2012

    So, I'm one of those not paying for members on Match but I haven't ever put in a picture which I thought was only fair since I wasn't ready to comming and not certainly thing of not doing it. I get sent the matches of the day and last night I got one that was truly over the top. I couldn't figure out if he was just filling out a profile for a total joke or was he really pretty hilarious. He only wanted women up to 49 - he is 50 and I'm 52 so I'm out of the running but if I could figure out how to cut and paste I would as it was the most entertaing piece I have read.... His comments on his pictures are hilarious as well. At the very bottom, it is a long profile and he continues his outrageous comments all the way to the end and even on his likes and occupation but he does have one segment where he gets serious for the most part.  So if this sounds interesting for anyone to read for fun and someone can tell me how to cut and paste and how long it can be I'd be happy to share for grins.

     Virgina - I too worry about you... I hope you have gotten some answers and some better guidence. 

    Any news from Painted Lady? 

    Denise- that is so wonderful! What a lovely person! I'm sure she felt wonderful being able to return it to you. :)

  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs Member Posts: 677
    edited September 2012

    Sounds interesting----highlight the whole thing, then right click. A box will come up, click "COPY".

    Then go back to this site and right click "PASTE" in the box. 

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited September 2012

    Hmmmm. I tried cut and past and it said at the bottom, running script-void - 0 ..... I'm in internet explorer as I know firefox won't let you do this....

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited September 2012

     Wow, got it!! Hope it isnt' too long......

    Basically, I am God's gift to women. Unfortunately I didn't realize God had a return department. Women say they don't want a guy who has to plan everything. They'll love me, I have no plans...and I see they want a man who can show some emotion...no problem, I cry myself to sleep every night..and they like candlelight..great, it's all I use since the power was shut off. It does make it tough to heat up the vienna sausages though, so I am looking for a girl with a sterno grill. And they say they want a man with lots of personality.. that's good news, since I'm schizophrenic...but I'm told I'm good people.

    I like the finer things in life..I was the first in the park with those chrome spinners on the mobile home, but found they don't spin unless you're moving. Thats ok, I move a lot.. that damn bounty hunter keeps finding me. I enjoy boating, jet skiing, snow skiing, cliff diving, motocross, strip solitaire poker and indoor body surfing. I've read over 100 self help books..got my money back for everyone of them. I have the energy of a child, the strength of a man, and the heart of a woman. I also have the feet of a monkey. I prefer the phone to a lot of emails...and don't worry about me stalking you, I'll leave that to your next door neighbor, he's very strange.
    I should know what I want in a woman since I used to be one. I hope she loves animals, and won't mind sleeping with my 2 dogs.. in the backyard. I believe in equality, but that shouldn't mean she can palm a basketball, beat me in arm wrestling, or pee standing up. My dream girl is in great shape, or at least doesn't think a balanced meal is a Big Mac in each hand.

    Yes, I could keep writing way past characters allowed, and I will, just for you..if you agree to the following:
    I, would-be lover to this man, agree that I will not lie about anything but my age on match.com.
    I also agree that any photos submitted are not limited to the rare flattering shots that barely resemble me in person.
    Write today and receive this great offer: A personalized email, yours free if you're among the next 100 to respond. After that, I will have completely lost my sense of humor.

    OK, let's get serious for a minute. I am a gentle but strong man, sure of myself but not cocky. I believe that good manners are very underrated. Let's treat our mates with the courtesy and respect we would treat a stranger, or a friend, even when we don't want to...especially then. Marriage requires a certain level of effort (I will always do my share), emotional maturity and just plain good sense
    I like a calm natured women who doesn't take herself too seriously, and is happy. She should definitely not be one to hold grudges. I have no long laundry list for my mate. She does not have to be perfect because I haven't been perfect since I was a teenager.
    I have found that women who like their parents, especially their fathers, are good bets to like other men, and have better relationship skills than those who didn't have such a fortunate upbringing. Superficially, I am attracted to either slender or athletic, fit bodies, and a face that doesn't scare small children

    I love kids.You should too. I love my daughter more than life itself, but all kids really.. If you have kids or want kids that's great. If you wind up with me, you will have a very sweet little stepdaughter (50% custody), a mate and father who is loyal, fun, smart, ambitious, caring, supportive, romantic, fit, adventurous, happy, trusting, forgiving, sincere, sweet, and very loving. Oh, if we do go out, my moped has a flat right now. I've heard a lot of girls have cycles, but only at certain times. We could plan around that and you can drive.

  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 320
    edited September 2012

    I think he sounds great! Great sense of humor and not the typical boring profile. I would send him a smile if I was still looking.

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited September 2012

    I found this profile amusing and funny, but I am not sure what I would be getting.  He gives some mixed signals.  Perhaps it is just my own insecurity but I would be concerned I couldn't meet his expectations. He is looking for a woman who is slender and fit, happy, has good relationship skills, had a good childhood and is warm and loving, esp. loving towards his daughter.  Most women (unless they are widowed) who are single in their 40's, have a lot of baggage, esp. childhood stuff that spilled over into their choice of a partner. He might be waiting a while I guess.  He seems to have put an awful lot of work into this profile. Perhaps it's just my current frame of mind, which is why I had hidden my profile.

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited September 2012

    I'm afraid I thought he was pretty adorable but I'm too old- not that I've joined either :)

    I know they all want the slender, perfect mom, fit, loving.... etc.... but you know what I think we ALL fit this.... well I may not be slender but I'm average and I do work with a trainer so I say that counts... But I know all of us are great moms, loving, kind and caring and to tell the truth I'd adore a step girl child as my teenage daughter wants nothing to do with me so having a little girl would be heavenly to me... sigh oh well....

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited September 2012

    But I am not fit and not healthy. I bike ride but can't work out, take a class or even run on a treadmill because my arthritis, due to my anti-hormonal, gets worse all the time.  I am a BC 'person' who struggles daily with pain and emotional issues, some hormonal, some other stuff.  I am not happy all the time, and in fact, am rarely happy.  My father was a cold and mean man which is why I have picked mean partners and relationships that don't work for me. I have a host of responsibilities, hope I can pay my bills and argue with my 14 y.o. daily in order to keep him making the right choices and stay out of trouble.  Life is not a bowl of cherries over here.  I have no family support with any of this. On top of that, I don't trust men at all. I think a potential partner needs to know that life is life; Tony's headline said Wanted: Good Times.  And that was about the only honest thing he said.

    My daughter, 18, doesn't want to talk much to me either..........

    Sorry to be such a downer.  I try to be honest here.  Things are a little bleak at the moment. I'm not looking for sympathy here but I guess just trying express why Match feels so intimidating to me at times;  the choices are either scammers, not at all a fit or just over the top idealistic.  Once my kids transition - my daughter to college and my son to high school - I may try Chrisitian Mingle. 

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited September 2012

    Mybee - I'm so sorry I didn't mean to get you upset,and I'm sorry you are having a rought time right now. I just think you are so beautiful inside and out and you have so much wisdom and kindness and you are a thoughful person. Even if you are not"fit" you are not overweight, you rarely ever complain so I know you must be having a tough time right now. Put it this way - I think you totally fit everything listed - but perhaps more so when things are not so bleak... I know how it feels to all of a sudden think oh my gosh what do I have to give and show and be for another person but we all see such a lovely wonderful side to you. I do hope you feel better but you are amazing! Really!! I admire your strength and courage and your willingness and ability to help others and you are totally gorgeous. So there... that is my take :)

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