Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Thank you. The funeral service and everything went very smoothly and was a nice tribute to my Dad and I felt it truly honored him. I was very busy, lots of planning and putting things in place. I am exhausted. I am also needing to catch up on some things around here. My sister is going to start cleaning out his house today, sorting and throwing things away. I'm sure she'll be mad if I don't help; I did all the work around the funeral but I'm sure she doesn't see it that way. I don't really feel ready for cleaning out Dad's stuff yet but it does need to be done; there's A LOT ahead of us. He died w/o a will (80 yrs. old - no will!). My sister and I (then my Mom chimes in to yell at me, my parents are divorced for 40 yrs.) were fighting this week. It got to the point where I didn't speak with her because it was like juggling a hand grenade. I need to help my son, who is behind on his homework too. So......not sure what the day holds. btw - my ex-husband was an angel through this whole thing, took us out to eat late in the evening the day of the funeral. He said "I wanted to remind you that there's a normal life out there again, after all you've been through".
How is everyone? Raku - How are your spirits and self doing these days?
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I used ot think that people should "clean house" right away after someone died.... Then my Dad died and I realized that it is harder than you think. Dont rush if you are not comfortable. Just because your sister wants to do it doesn't mean you are ready.
On another note - If anyone needs a will - there are websites that will allow you a free trial or inexpensive software you can purchase. I just got some software for my BF that walks you through the process. And wills are easy to change should someone's situation change in the future.
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I certainly plan to do one in the near future, that's for sure.
I might go to Dad's for a couple of hours. He lives about 30-40 mins. away. I truly do have some things at home to do before the work week starts. It feels funny to start the house before we've thanked the many people who were there for us, sent cards, etc. I suppose that can be done in the evenings but I like to put first things first. That is just me I guess
kward - when did your Dad die?
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Molly, both my parents are gone ... Dad in January 2004 and mom in February 2005. It takes time to heal. I read and re-read the cards and still have them. Everything helps get you through this. The best medicine is talking about him. Keep him alive in your heart and your memories. (((Hugs)))
Joanne0 -
I am so sorry to hear that sweetie. What a rough time for you. That is very recent. I never told my Dad about my BC - I felt it would worry him too much. I just hid the bandages and drains and acted normally and he never knew- through 5 surgeries. I'm sure your parents would have been a great support to you through all of this, at least I hope so. Knowing that is a blessing in itself. Peace friend.
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mybee - my dad died in feb 2009 (he was 67) while I was in treatment. One of my memories was when he came to chemo with me and saw his chemo nurse (he had lymphoma in 1992).... She was still at the hospital and working on the BC floor. He died within weeks of that visit (in his sleep) but I know that he was confident I would do well with treatment.
We all deal with death differently and you'll find what is right for you. It is never easy....
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Just wanted to share --the last time I saw my Dad; he asked me if I wanted some things that had belonged to his ex-wife (not my Mom) She had died 4 years before and he was finally ready to sort thru her things. Even though it had been 4 years, he was quite emotional about it. He insisted I take some of her things which I did.
When my Mom died, my brother and I got into a heated argument about taking care of things. I wanted to get things done immediately (not sorting thru her things, but ordering death certificates, calling the bank, etc) but he called his girlfriend and spent the week-end in bed with her. I was furious, but looking back I guess it was his way to deal with things.
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I wanted to contact probate court, consult an attorney, etc. right away, as Dad has not named an executor/personal representative. I felt that needed tending to asap. But to sort through his things is emotionally difficult. Lots of it is junk (old cuff links, personal items. etc.) but has sentimental value, and will probably be different for both my sister and myself; she tends to discount my experiences and feelings. I think at this point, leave the junk - it will be there - but the important papers, those definitely need to be sorted. But I think she wants to do all the papers anyway. So I feel like I'm in a tough spot.
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This is a tough time ... We do all deal with things differently and it is so emotional. There are 4 girls in my family and yes we did have some disagreements.
Joanne0 -
I bet you did.
kward - that is a lovely story about your Dad. He was there for you through it all, whether here or looking over you from afar. But how hard for you! Breast cancer and the death of a parent are two things that should not go together.
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Mybee, thank you.... It's OK. My dad had a heart transplant and was on "borrowed time" so my family was so thankful for the time we had (post transplant). What I learned through everything is that there is no plan for life. Enjoy the time you have.
On a fun note and getting back to the original thread...... I'm headed to Hawaii in three weeks with a guy I met last year (friends set us up) - both of us divorced (both spouses cheated).... He and I travel we'll and he truly loves me. I'm looking forward to it. We went to Alaska this summer and I wouldn't normally do two big trips in a year but I had some airline certificates that I needed to use before February. I also was able to get 8 nights for free in hotels (2 Marriott, 4 Hyatt and 2sheraton) with some of the credit card rewards they offered.0 -
Hi Ladies
Mybee Glad to hear the funeral is over. I know sorting through your Dad's things may be stressful, but you are a strong woman: I know that you can handle it.
Kward Hawaii sounds wonderful. I like to travel but haven't been doing much of that lately. What a wonderful experience you are having.
Joanne how are you doing?
I am still experiencing pain from the fracture. I visited the ortho doctor Friday. He said it should be healed in another 4 weeks. What upset me is that he has only seen me 2 times and did not schedule another visit. He told me to call him if there was a problem. I think this lack of concern has to do with the amount medicare has been paying these doctors. Mostly everything seems to be based on money.
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That is probably true about the Medicare. If you continue to have problems, just contact him again. Even with Medicare remember - you're still the consumer/customer. You deserve good care
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Paintedlady, glad to hear for you. Sorry you are having pain but listen to Mybee and contact the doctor if you need to. Take care of you.
I am good. At work now and getting back into the swing. Still having Physio for my shoulder. I am at weight watchers now to try and get a handle on my weight, I gained through this .. Some bad behaviours and some meds.0 -
Mybee- sounds like you gave your Dad a lovely funeral and that is important. Yes, some of the paperwork will have to be done with in certain time frames and I think they probably differ in each state. But give yourself time it will be very difficult and emotional. I lost my Dad in 96 and my Mom in 04 - I'm one of three girls and with my Mom it was terrible sorting through things and many fights. With my Dad, he was remarried and everything went to his wife and her kids. I asked for a copy of some of the pictures especially when he was young or really any as I don't have many of my Dad. She never gave me any. Now she has passed and her chidren won't have anything to do with us so not much I can do about that. I regret very much he never got to meet my kids but he did know I was pregnant. My kids remember my Mom but not very well.... that I'm very sad about, but can't change.
Anyway Mybee- remember to take care of yourself as it will be hard for a while yet.
As far as this thread topic, I ended up in email contact with my ex-boyfriend on a cause and thought maybe we could be friends but he as usual puts only his own interests first and I ended up getting hurt once again... so back to being so upset about it all can't imagine dating.... I do get lonely and wish I had someone to do things with when you need a date but these days I'm just staying home anyway so probably doesn't matter for now.
Hawaii - sounds amazing! Have FUN!!
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Hi Ladies
Hope you are all having a great day. The weather is beautiful today in Florida.
Stanzie I can relate to your post concerning your Dad. My Dad is alive but he is leaving all his money to his current wife and her 2 adult daughters. My father has never had much compassion for me and my brother.
He has been very mean to his own children from the time I can remember, but mister nice guy to outsiders.
He is toxic and I have nothing to do with him or his gold digger wife. I like it that way: They create alot of stress and drama. Don't need people like that around me.
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Stanzie - thanks for your nice post and for sharing. Well I guess we can see where our problems with men come from. Funny, both my parents are thought of as nice or good people to varying degrees, but are worse wtih their own kids. My parents are/were very difficult people to know - play lots of head games. My sister allies with my Mom and plays lots of games herself. It's awful sometimes. I have had a lot of therapy but have also taken time to read, reflect, heal and I think it has helped me to pull back and NOT live a chaotic life. I don't want that any more. Sometimes with some people, there's always a problem. I am really done with that. It is hard enough to keep myself on the right track w/o family trying to hold me down, so to speak. Stanzie - it is lonely and would be fun to do things but I do take a great deal of pleasure in just having quiet and peace. I don't know if it is due to cancer or what but I really do take much more pleasure in simple things now than I ever did.
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I would like life to settle down a little now. Too many troubles and sad times. Enough already.
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Hi Ladies
How are you all doing?
Things seem kind of quiet in here.Nothing too mucch going on with me. Think I need some excitement lol
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It has been quiet here ... Nothing exciting here ... Taking time for me, getting some weight off and maybe next spring I will be ready to think about dating.
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Very busy with my new exercise class : twice a week, 90 minutes, hardcore weight and core work plus power-walking---love it - haven't lost weight, but have lost inches - back in my old jeans at last! Haven't been thinking about guys at all lately---
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Hi Ladies
Haven't been exercising lately. After Nov 12, the doctor said my arm will be okay. Tried Zumba one time a couple of years ago: It really bothered my hip after that workout.
Right now, I am in the process of trying to get reconstructive surgery. My insurance declined to pay because I had a lumpectomy. I have just contacted a state senator yesterday. Don't know what else I can do.
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Is the insurance company considering it cosmetic?
That really shouldn't make a difference IMO--
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Hi Dogs
Yes, the insurers are trying to say it is cosmetic. Seems like they only want to pay out something is if you have had a mastectomy. I think that it should not be considered cosmetic if the surgery just brings it up to normal looking.
I emailed a senator from my state. I can't think of any way to put pressure on this insurance company. If I could, I definitely would do it.
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I agree! Isn't there a state commissioner of insurance you can contact besides the senator?
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Did you appeal to the ins - there are often several layers you can go through before. I work in healthcare and sometimes certain procedures are denied the first go round only to be approved on appeal when further information is obtained. I dont work for ins but thats been my experience. Sometimes the reps will even tell you that.
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Thanks for the input Dogs and Kwart. I am going to appeal, but the receptionist at the plastic surgeon's office said the surgeon "may want to try something else" When I asked what that meant, she was vague. She just said that they would get back to me.
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Where is everyone ... I started to think that I had removed this thread from my favourites.... How is everyone?
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Hi folks dropping in-----2 years 3 months a widow-----wanting to get into lifw. Have scanned past pages, know everyone has been through the same or similar scenario.
Would like to join your group? My stats are not below b/c once OMG THEY FOUND A CURE FOR STUPID we found that our stuff was being quoted on fb. I took all identifing material off. I'm a 3 1/2 years out from dx. Dh was dx'd 3 months after me with Lymphoma. He died in Aug2010. I am trying to find a normal life. .
So, if I am welcome thank you, teach me about your thread. I know the problem with BCO in this particular regard is it is visible to all. So, again teach me. I have a great clue b/c of visibility what should and shouldn't be said-------which really sucks, but it is a reality b/c anyone can view what we say. SO, hello sheila/sas/sassy
!!/3/12 Had to edit majorly --just felt way to exposed, thus vulnerable
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Sas schatzi, you certainly have been through a lot. FWB .. I like the comment if family knew. I had one right up to my Dx and then I stopped it. It was nice.
Amyone else out there?0
