Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Hi joanne - The FWB's is not someone I'd bring to family, for numerous reasons. The relationship?? experience has it's benefits. What's nice about this is it's post Bmx with recon and he has no problem with the scars. I kept telling him what was real and not real. What's lovelely is he attacks them as if they are real.
BTW I can just be sas/sheila/sassy which ever===a t this stage I prefer sassy
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hello Sas!
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Sassy, I think it is wonderful ... I stopped mine when I was diagnosed because I needed to think of me and surgery, etc. I am working on "me" right now. I put some weight on during this and now working at getting it off. I know that by spring I will be ready to date. Take care, enjoy and keep in touch.
Joanne0 -
Galsal, I must have flown out of here last night before I saw your post. We meet again, so, soon. What a hoot.
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Yes...and especially after our recent conversation too!
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!!/3/12 Had to edit first post here majorly --just felt way to exposed, thus vulnerable-sassy
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don't apologize...do what you know is best for YOU
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Hi Joanne - I'm hanging in there. Busy settling my Dad's estate which may take a couple of years. It is really a mess. And dealing with my son. Life seems to be upside down for a long time now. It's not that good things don't happen; it's that the emotionally troubling things are so big. I don't know if it's getting older or what but I can't seem to quite find my bearings and get my stride back. Work is good tho' and that is a blessing.
I am glad you are continuing to work on the things that you would like to - you wanted to work out and take care of yourself and I hope you are moving to a happier place. I miss the chats our group used to have on here. It was great to have the support. Life moves along some but it seems to be so different. Peace to you my friends on this thread.
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Hello ladies. I'm 40, single & about to have a BMX w/reconstruction. It's tough enough to find a date without the whole BC/BMX thing, I am so afraid that I will never find someone. I've already become thoroughly sick of the "you'll find the right person someday" mantra from everyone, I can only imagine it's going to make me even crankier to hear it now!
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I was with a man the year following my surgery. I had a uni-Mx and there is quite a scar. I have not had nipple reconstruction as of yet. I was self-conscious and feeling awkward. He chuckled a bit and said "You're not your breast, you know" and looked at me with warmth. It was a great thing and said a lot to me about how a guy with decent values might think. I would be selective though with your heart. You have been through quite a bit (and from your date of dx it looks like it may still be ongoing) and have healing and nurturing to do; protecting yourself and guarding your 'essence' is important too.
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Hello everyone - just checking in - nothing new here except I've been in one of those boots for my right foot due to plantar fasciitis. I've been dealing with it for 3 months now so I haven't been able to exercise, therefore I am gaining more weight. So annoying.
"T" is up in N.J. helping with the power outages. Not sure how long he will be gone. Been dealing with severe depression also so I hate to leave my apt or even get out of my p.j.'s. My GP found out I have underactive thyroid but the medicine he gave me for it is making me feel even worse.
How is the dating world for you ladies who are still out there?
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Denise - I had that a while back. Hurts like he!! - I wore a pair or heel cups (bought online inexpensively) that take the pressure off the tendon so the inflammation can go down. Worked really well. My sister had the same thing and the heel cups worked for her too. I tried wrapping my foot in a position to the boot and it was too weird to sleep like that. Just some other opions since it has been going on for awhile. Hope you get better soon.
On another note, I just got back from 8 nights in Hawaii with my guy. Spent most of our time on Kauai and had a great time. I signed up for some CC promos so we got all the hotels for free(marriott, hyatt). If you don't mind doing a little work it can be done easily. I bought my house a few years ago and only had one CC to my name so I wasn't worried about opening others. Will be happy to shar the info with anyone who is interested.
Happy Thanksgiving
Karyn
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Denise ~ Nice to hear from you
I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so depressed. I was quite depressed in the summer. Some of it from my AI, some I think, from life. I remember last we heard from you, you were coming to the realization that your relationshp with T. may not have a future. Are you still feeling that way? I think it feels so sad, despite just trying to live for today, to be in a rel. that you know has to end. It makes every moment bittersweet. I have been there and it is heartbreaking and yet I continued in these relationships, sometimes for a long time. It seemed to hard to end it, or to say good bye, but now in retrospect............anyway, wondering if this might be causing some sadness for you? 0 -
Tony and I are still seeing each other when he is in town. We're taking things slow so we don't have to make any long term decisions right now. I enjoy being with him but his lifestyle is so different from mine which makes me think that we would not be happy on a marriage level. I'm still feeling all of this out.
Where is everyone?
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It is very quiet ... Glad to hear from you. I am here and looking after me and not looking to date right now.
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Mybee I was on a mission for someone & somewhere else and noticed your post about issues dealing with settling an estate. The info on the Death and Dying thread may be useful. There again it may be one of those "wish I knew this stuff before I needed it". The recommendation I made to the person who I was finding the info was ---to start on page 18 and sift through what applies. Can you believe I had one estate of a family member settled from death Aug.9th 2001 to Aug 21st. Totally done. My Dh's would have been done settled closed if I hadn't decided to do an asbestos lawsuit claim. Now wish I just passed on it. It's been a year and 3/4's. Not active , but waiting for the claim to be settled. Good luck----hope you find something useful on the link. sassy
http://community.breastcancer.org/topic_post?forum_id=8&id=770023&page=18
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At this point I have a good lawyer and going step by step. An awful lot of work though. And will be for a long time.
Denise - T. travelled for work. I suppose it would have been alright but he also worked side jobs almost every weekend. I felt like I hardly saw him and that after a while I wasn't a priority for him. I think that was true in my case and am NOT saying that is the same for the two of you. His absences did wear on me though.
They just made some changes at work today. I find I don't cope with change as well as I used to. It's like I've become over sensitive or over reactive or something. Kind of like a PTSD. Can't seem to take stress well anymore.
On an up note - my son is straightening out some after some very tough times. It is nice to see and he is a support to me, in his own 14 yo way.
Not dating either Joanne. That's okay I think
although I do get lonely.0 -
I was just thinking of you all and missing you/our chats a bit last night
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Hi All.... I took a break from BC.org and now back! Nothing really new to report on the dating scene... or lack of dating scene. My ex started dating which would be fine with me except it is obviously recent and when he comes to pick up the kids he is reeking of cologne and dressed up( never is either) and I was telling him that one son still needed some help on his homework - it was a school night. His response, I can't I'm going out. Wow.... I was taken off guard. When I was dating, first I only dated when I didn't have the kids and I wouldn't have neglected them for anything so now makes me worry about what kind of relationship he might have and what stupid or thoughtless things he might do.... So.. joy!
I'm still in so much pain from reconstruction and feel so ugly with it all I'm afraid I can't feel ready for dating... I will look at dating sites occassionally but have never felt the real urge to join one... I'd probably be more up for it if it was a friend of a friend but no one knows any nice single men....
Sas- Glad to see you here!!
Maybe- I know how difficult the whole estate stuff is... I still have some issues still going on but I won't tell you how long it has been.. ugh!
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I am hesitant to date too and I don't know why. It is very unlike me up to this point. I too have very mixed feelings about my body and reconstruction. I am thinking I may get a nipple done soon. I think that may help how I feel. I think my big thing is that I don't want to lose my life anymore, or ever again. And really, I don't have the time and men can want alot of time. Seems almost like another expectation or pull at me. I think I am scared too. If a friend of a friend came along, as you said, I think I would like that. But to sort through strangers again is very scary to me. I don't trust that whole online thing anymore. I have aches and pains too. It's hard to think what I might add to anybody's life right now. I am filled with responsibility and in general, most days, depression. (Sorry for the heavy post).
I am sorry you are still in pain Stanzie. What hurts you?
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I feel very much the same way. What do I have to offer anyone? Between the fibromyalgia, the Barbie boobs and now this plantar fasciitis which doesn't want to mend, I'm in pain and grouchy a lot. If Tony wasn't in my life right now I so would not bother dating.
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Funny how so many of us have fibromyalgia. I have pain too from arthritis and the mastectomy. It is hard to picture being newly intimate with someone with so many issues that impact sexual functioning.
Denise I think of you as such a warm and caring person. You've there for us here and you always bring a bit of grounded hope and optimism; I have very much admired your faith. I think as time goes on, a 1-2 yrs or so, the reality of how deeply this has impacted us takes hold. But I do think you will get to a more optimistic place in time. I hope that for me too. It helps if I work on accepting the change. I will never be the old me again. But that doesn't mean my life is over. I'm hoping for a new 'season' as I go through some more years, if I am blessed enough to have them. If not, I have had a full life, I do believe.
That said, dating can be a hassle. I have a strong sense that there are other things that I am supposed to be doing right now. I really do. When I pray, this seems to be the answer I get.
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Howdy all ...
It is true that I did not meet my honey after diagnosis, but we were only dating when I was diagnosed, not a serious couple yet. We were warming up, but going very very slowly until BC gave him the opportunity to step WAY up to the plate and show me what kind of a man he really is.
He immediately invited me to come out here to the mountains of NM to share this journey with him. He has been an angel and so so SO much help.
I am 57 years old and have had terrible luck with men my entire life... until now. At first I couldn't believe that life would deal me the cancer card when I finally was hooking up with someone good. Now I see that the cancer was/is actually an opportunity to be very real and very human together.
The reason I am posting is to tell you all that you are SPECIAL. You have so much to give -- even if you sometimes feel grouchy or sad or depressed. You offer a man something a helathy woman can't -- a huge opportunity to experience life at a very intense level -- and an opportunity for them to help and be a support to someone wonderful (you!) during a time of great change and growth.
I say this because I was caretaker for my (beloved) father for over a year during his espophogeal cancer (chemo/rad and a million doc appts) then a month in Hospice after a seizure exposed a new (primary) stage 4 brain tumor. I thought it would be a tragic time of loss, and sometimes it did feel that way... but for the most part, I was SO honored to share his last living and his leaving of this world... and I experienced epiphany after epiphany during that time and since. I learned what truly loving someone meant. I grew in Spirit and perspective. I matured. I learned to love life in a new way.
Sharing Dad's cancer and death experience made me grow into a much more accepting and peaceful person. He gave me so much more than he ever knew, by allowing me to be there for him.
And there are men out there with that sort of maturity and depth, who will see the you inside and not the cancer. The right man will see the treasure in you (insight, strength, determination, etc) and not the occasional lack (of energy, of patience, even of breasts). We are so much more than our breasts.
I was on E-Harmony for 5 years (pre my dx). I met some wonderful men and each one had life lessons to teach me. During that time I also returned to college, took Landmark Education courses (extremely mind-expanding) -- and then Dad's illness and death -- then helping my 83-yr-old Mom (BC survivor) adapt to her new widowhood after 61 years of marriage to the best man I had ever known.
Anyway -- I can't reccommend E-Harmony highly enough -- even if all you want to do is communicate via email with good men. You never have to meet in person if you feel you aren't ready-- so what do you have to lose by trying?
Sure, there might be some losers there, but mostly they, (like we) are just lonely -- and looking for someone special to talk to and spend time with. Your cancer certainly doesn't make you any less-special -- in fact, it makes you more so. You are no longer full of BS. You are past the vanity of triviality. You are alive and fully in THIS moment, because we have cancer, and we can't put things off for later -- we need to live our lives NOW.
You may be just the damsel in distress that Prince Charming is dying to rescue. You may be just the mature and thoughtful human he wants for a partner. Your cancer doesn't make you have less to offer -- you now just offer different things.
BTW -- my 60-year-old sister married her E-Harmony connection 3 years ago.
And whether Les and I marry or not -- I am so very thankful to have him during this BC journey... for however long he chooses to hang in here with me. And -- if he decides to leave, I will forever thank God for the time that we had.
Don't let your fears hold you back.
This is your life -- GO FOR IT. E-Harmony at $40 a month was the best money I ever spent.
Good luck all!
Linda
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linda - well said...
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Hello...I'm posting for SAS...her computer got a virus so...everything is fine except her computer is down...
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Went to an endocronologist last week because my GP said I had a hypoactive thyroid. Turns out I have a large mass (4 cm) on my thyroid. Having a biopsy on it next Friday. Freaking out a little bit. I have also had severe pain in my right hip for the last 4 days. Once you have had cancer, it's not hard to imagine every little problem or pain is the cancer returning.
Tony is out of town till Dec. 16th and the only one I have told so far is my sister. I don't want to scare my boys, especially now, right before the holidays.
I tried to sleep but I couldn't so I thought I would come on here and try to work through this.
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Denise, I am sure things are fine. I know a couple of people that had to have it removed but it was not cancer. They have to take thyroid meds after though. You will be in my thoughts ... Please keep us posted. I know it is hard to to think the worst ...
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Hi Denise and Joanne
Read your post Denise. Sorry you are going through all this stress. I know it is easy to tell you not to worry, but it is much harder to do.
I agree with Joanne. I also have know some people that had their thyroid glands removed and they simply take a pill everyday.
As far as the hip, a couple of years ago I had severe pain on one of my hips and sometimes I still do get alot of pain. Well, I freaked out too. Thought the cancer may have gotten into my bones. A PET scan was done and it turned out to be arthritis.
I just prayed for you. Let us put this in God's hands. You are His precious daughter and you are safe in Him!
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As far as pain, I have had an increase in pain and certainly arthritis, since diagnosis. I don't know what is going on with that, but it is a problem and doesn't really run in my family, at least not at this age.
As far as the mass, I would be scared too. Not because it is right but because it is human nature. It is okay to be scared. Take deep breaths and be good to yourself. Give yourself daily treats of time and attention - tea and sympathy
- and you will get through this time of waiting. (Most things are not cancer related, you know), but I would be the same. Please let us know how you are doing. Love.0 -
Coincidentally, my best friend at work has a large mass on her thyroid. No history of cancer by the way. She needs to schedule a biopsy. Her doctor was surprised she didn't notice it herself it is so large.
Good news is that the Doctor feels that this could account for her weight gain, joint aches and pains, esp. in her feet, chronic depresssion and sleep issues and temperature in the room problems (too hot, too cold). Hoping this resolves easily for her and for you Denise. Thinking of you. Hoping for a very good outcome
I used to take Synthroid. I believe if your thyroid is removed that is the drug prescribed. It resolved lots of problems for me and I felt so much better (this was after my 3rd was born). No it's not natural but I was so glad we finally identified what my problem was (underactive thyroid/hashimoto's disease causing the thyroid gland to enlarge) and then were able to treat it.
You know I was reading about the benefits of a daily asprin which they relate not only to blood thinning but more to it's impact upon autoimmune responses. In thinking about it, my fibromyalgia, arthritis, the cancer, are all the body turning against itself. I think Hashimoto's falls into that category too. Interesting. I do take a daily asprin now btw.
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