Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Hello out there..................how's it going???
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Got my biopsy results today and they were "inconclusive" but since the mass is so large (4.2 ml), I will have surgery to remove it. Probably next month. Maybe I should tell the surgeon to remove my appendix, tonsils and adenoids while he is at it.
Hope everyone is doing well and I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwaanza or whatever holiday you celebrate.
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Have a great Christmas Denise .... Keep us posted about your surgery date .... We are with you in your pocket.
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Denise - I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers. Just heard of another friend yesterday with a mysterious growth on her ovaries. Surgery upcoming and in her 30's. I think there must be something with our environment.
Well...........still single, not dating, trying to be as independent as possible. A bit of a lonely life but there is a season for everything.
I do believe it will be an enjoyable Christmas however. Wishing a wonderful holiday season to all here. Peace be to all.
Molly
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Molly so nice to hear from you. Everyone have a good Christmas. Where is painted lady?
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Thanks for wondering where I am Joanne.
Been reading the posts; just haven't had much energy lately (I have Fibromylagia)
All of you have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year.
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Glad to hear from you ... We are playing low key. Take care, merry Christmas and happy holidays.
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Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all my sisters here on this looking for love thread. May God bless you in the upcoming year. I think we could all use, and all deserve, some good times in the year to come. Enjoy your days and know that I am thinking of you frequently - good thoughts, and prayers for all the best!!
Molly
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Hi Ladies , my name is Lisa . I had a BMX in April with TE's , then in July I had exchange surgery . I hate my implants to the point I am thinking of having them removed . I see PS on Jan 9th . I am a mom of 4 and a grandmother too. I will be 45 on the 29th . I also have a second grandchild on the way in July . My oldest daughter thinks if I have them removed I will spiral into even a deeper depression. (i think she may be correct ) I quit smoking for 3 months after my DX and surgery but now I struggle every day to stop again . I am on the patch today and loosing it . I did find a cancer support group they have creative writing class and a group, but everyone is older than me and married so I feel like they do not understand what it is like to be alone . I am on E Harmony and hate it , it sends me matches way too far then when I changed the sistance closer I dont get any matches ... I am also on Match.com .. I feel meeting strangers online sucks excuse my language .the last one I met only wanted a friend with benefits , then he decided he did not want me at all .. broke my heart . I am feeling really bad about me . I look in the mirror and cry .. I cry a lot . I should just be thankful I am alive ... anyway I am sorry I came here to vent . I thought maybe some of you would know how I feel . I also have a thyroid condition Hashimotos , I am cold all time , depressed, tired , and on synthroid .. Hope everyone has a nice Happy New Year
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Lisamarie, you have been through so much you need to heel you first. I stopped the on line stuff when I was Dx because I need ME time ,,, need to get my life together ...
Without knowing you, how are you going to attract anyone when you are depressed and seemingly unhappy. I understand. Maybe you need to talk to the doctor about some kind of help .. Antidepressant of sorts. I hope I haven't over stepped it here. I too take synthroid. All the best ..
Joanne0 -
It's amazing to me how many of us have these co-occurring auto-immune issues. Lisa Marie, you are doing great, you just don't know it. You have made it through the toughest part. My recommendation on the implants: get them re-done if you don't like them. I have beautiful cleavage now, that I don't show much but that I am still glad I have. When I put on a bra I feel normal and can suspend reality for a while and that is a blessing. I had to have my reconstruction redone to get to the point I am in my appearance. (Playing with the idea of a fake nipple, we'll see). I would concur with JoAnne. When we are weak and weepy we only attract the bad apples that want to take, not give. I hope your family is supportive. If so, that would be a plus. I think we all felt some of what you are feeling but you have your own unique path, just as you have your own unique gifts. Yes - this journey is VERY different without a spouse or partner to walk with you. BTW - Match did not work for me. I could easily see through so many of the fake or predatory profiles. I hope you can get your thyroid stable, your moods relatively stable (are they ever really stable in mid-life and with all of this going on) and take care of yourself the way you would take care of your own child. Peace and love, Molly.
P.S. For the rest of you - joined Christian Mingle yesterday. We'll see how this site goes............
Feeling stronger these days so we shall see. Doing far better than a year ago that is for sure. 0 -
Thanks ladies , I did go on medicine anti-depressants . two different ones in fact, I felt even worse so I decided not to take them at all. I have so many auto immune things , I hate it . I was diagnosed with Hashimotos at age 40..then Rheumatoid , them raynards .. i think its crazy .. I am glad to have come here .. thanks for all the thoughts .
Lisa Marie
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LisaMarie! How proud you must be you were able to quit smoking!! There are times I too fight it but I'm better for it in the long run. My thoughts are with you during your struggles.
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Howdy to all --- I went 'home' to visit my 83-yr-old-BC-survivor Mom in KC -- it was the first visit since July... (before my MRI/biopsy/lumpectomy/dbl-mastectomy). It was great to see my sis and mom, but I can't tell you how happy I am to finally be back in New Mexico (where I SO belong
Thought I'd check in here and wish everyone "Happy Holidays"!I don't know if any of you subscribe to daily messages (uplifting/point-of-view-changing) - But I belong to two that I generally get some good from: The Daily Om and Mary Morrisey.
Some of you have said that you don't feel that you have much to offer right now... that your daily treatments/thoughts-about cancer have you riveted in a quiet/painful period that seems to exclude meeting new people -- at least in a romantic way. So -- what about finding a new way to view the current events in your life? A way that is invigorating, and spiritually growthful? A way that provides the ideas for meaty conversation and mind-expansion? Honestly -- who would NOT be attracted to someone who was able to find the positives in challenging times?
With all the cancer-related changes in my life, it is helpful/empowering for me to consider the larger picture and the possibility of growth from what others (and me a couple of years ago) might potentially view as 'tragedy'. Anyway -- today's "Om' was particularly on-target for me -- so I thought I might share it with all of you... (see below) ... and Mary Morrisey is offering a free online course tomorrow about deciding what you want in your life (specifically for 2013) -- and then how to set-into-motion the mental/emotional path to reach those goals... the link to the Mary Morrisey (free) course is:
http://www.marymorrissey.com/event/vision2013/
Below is from today's 'Daily Om': (you can sign up for your own daily messages if you like -- just google "Daily Om"
When we experience change in our life we can control our response and reaction to the changes that are happening.Transformation is a universal constant that affects our lives from the moment we are born until we leave earthly existence behind. At the root of all growth, we find change. Occasionally, change and the circumstances leading up to it are a source of extraordinary joy, but more often than not they provoke feelings of discomfort, fear, or pain. Though many changes are unavoidable, we should not believe that we are subject to the whims of an unpredictable universe. It is our response to those circumstances that will dictate the nature of our experiences. At the heart of every transformation, no matter how chaotic, there is substance. When we no longer resist change and instead regard it as an opportunity to grow, we find that we are far from helpless in the face of it.
Our role as masters of our own destinies is cemented when we choose to make change work in our favor. Yet before we can truly internalize this power, we must accept that we cannot hide from the changes taking place all around us. Existence as we know it will come to an end at one or more points in our lives, making way for some new and perhaps unexpected mode of being. This transformation will take place whether or not we want it to, and so it is up to us to decide whether we will open our eyes to the blessings hidden amidst disorder or close ourselves off from opportunities hiding behind obstacles.
To make change work for you, look constructively at your situation and ask yourself how you can benefit from the transformation that has taken place. As threatening as change can seem, it is often a sign that a new era of your life has begun. If you reevaluate your plans and goals in the days or weeks following a major change, you will discover that you can adapt your ambition to the circumstances before you and even capitalize on these changes. Optimism, enthusiasm, and flexibility will aid you greatly here, as there is nothing to be gained by dwelling on what might have been. Change can hurt in the short term but, if you are willing to embrace it proactively, its lasting impact will nearly always be physically, spiritually, and intellectually transformative.----------------------
Anyway -- (Linda here again) -- I wish the very best for each of you in the New Year! I find that these 'mind-expanding' ideas really help me to see that I have a daily (actually a minute-to minute) choice in EVERY situation -- do I chose 'joy' or 'despair'? 'Acceptance and enlightenment' or 'anger and frustration'. This ability to see each circumstance as an opportunity to CHOOSE -- brings me peace and a feeling of being more in control of at least my 'inner' world!
Personally, I thought E-Harmony was great -- in part because the questions others asked me forced me to look honestly at my reality -- and shift within myself to BECOME someone that I myself would want to date! The first year on EH was about finding myself -- not finding a man. I spent hours communicating with strangers -- seeing 'what worked' and what didn't. I began to realize that I had some recurring traits that weren't very attractive... so I worked on them. Began self-monitoring more -- offering 'opinions' less often, and learned to ask better questions. I found out what was important to ME... began defining who I wanted to become -- where I wanted to live -- what sort of work and life I hoped to have in my future. All these things came about through 'deciding what sort of man I wanted to bring into my life' --
The cool thing was that as my questions and answers got deeper -- my connections were much more successful! And I began to see each connection as a potential learning experience -- Viewing each man as a lesson-to-be-learned. It was really exciting to attempt to see what each new person had to offer! I didn't need to date each person -- I just needed to be open to seeing what thier life-experience might have to offer me -- (and sometimes what I might offer them).
In five years of EH although I was matched with about 3000 men (6 new ones every day) I only corresponded seriously with maybe 30 -- and only physically met 6-7 of those. Each lived far away (in a beautiful place like Montana, New Mexico, the mountains of Arizona, The Rockies in Colorado, the Blue Ridge Mtns) -- and since I love to travel, each of these (very special) men offered me the opportunity to see some gorgeous country, too! I 'knew' each of them pretty well before agreeing to meet -- lots and lots of long emails and phone calls prior to accepting the plane ticket -- and each was a gentleman.
(This is not to say that every exchange on EH was a pleasant one -- there are some nuts there, just like everywhere, but I found if I refrained from 'flirting' and stuck to fairly challenging conversations about concepts/ideas -- discussed attitudes and dreams and important life-changing-experiences -- the 'good ones' floated pretty rapidly to the top of the pile). Anyway -- in the long run, I had a few several-month-long relationships -- and a few meet-for-several-days-and-realize-it-isn't-right experiences -- ending with this current relationship -- 18-months and going strong -- even through cancer. In fact -- I think my cancer has intensified our relationship, and brought out our basic 'human-ness' (disposing of the trivialities).
Anyway -- I wish you each the BEST New Year of your lives -- the only thing keeping it from being so it the way you choose to process the information. None of us (even those without cancer) know what tomorrow will bring or how much time we have here. Whether you decide to open yourselves to a new romantic relationship or not -- My wish for each of us is that we make whatever time we have be joyous and growthful and full of love!
Linda
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Hellooooooo, again folks came here when my relationship just started. Then dropped away b/c sooo much was happening. Well, all good. Way good. We are living together. Every day gets better. Blended NYE friends and the laughin' was so sweet I had tears rollin'. That's amazing b/c my friends knew my dear deceased husband for many years. DBF's friends were hugging my friends at leaving. Me too. Way good for future blending.
What a differnce, a short time can make.
Happy New Year to you all, may we all be blessed with what we seek! L&H's sheila/sassy
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congrats for you Sas!
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We certainly are a quiet bunch. Not much happening here ....COLD and windy .... Hope everyone is well.
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I was thinking the same thing!
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Happy New Year everyone! Woke up with the flu on my birthday and was sick as a dog for almost 3 weeks due to a secondary infection. Feeling better now but tire easily. Hope everyone had a pleasant holiday.
My thyroidectomy is scheduled for Feb. 18th. Tony will be back tomorrow but only for a few days when he returns to NJ to continue work on the power plants that were damaged by Hurricane Sandy.
Not much else new except I quit smoking! I was aiming for January 1st but when I woke up sick on Dec. 28th I figured that was a good time to quit. Right now as I type this and have my cup of tea, I would love, love, love a cigarette. I quit 1/2000 for 10 1/2 years but started again after my husband passed away in August of 2010. I wish I had the willpower to just smoke 3-4 cigarettes a day, the ones I truly enjoyed but that never works for me.
May 2013 bring us health, happiness and love.
Denise
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Denise so glad to hear from you. Sorry you have been sick. Congrats on the quitting smoking. I quit in July 2016 and to be honest have not looked back. Please post after your thyroid surgery to keep us up to date.
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Hey -- this blog was just posted on another thread -- written by a very upbeat/beautiful young woman diagnosed with Stage IV cancer, and given less than 10 years to live -- who MET THE LOVE OF HER LIFE (and married him!) after that ominious dx.
She just passed her ten-year THRIVING anniversiary with the Big C... and is still going strong!
Lots of great tips about healthy eating, exercise and healthy thinking!
She stresses the idea of using cancer as a starting place -- from which you drop everything that is NOT bringing you fulfillment and happiness -- and a reason to move forward in life DOING EXACTLY WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY -- and what inspires you!
It is that spark of 'knowing' what we each are here to do that brings the joy into life... and shapes us into the energized/positive people who are on an (exciting) path to 'somewhere'. That spark is one of the most important things we have to give -- and what attracts others to us.
No matter what stage we are, no matter how many surgeries/treatments have altered our bodies -- our most attractive (and sexiest
part of our body is our BRAIN and the way we choose to use it to create a difference for ourselves AND OTHERS. We may die of this cancer. Yup. We might. Or we may 'beat it' and die in our sleep at the ripe old age of 90. But either way -- the experiences that we have had, and the way that we not only interpret them, but how we USE them to create something new that benefits us and others -- that we will be remembered for -- and what will bring us JOY in the here-and-now.
So the best path to happiness and relationship and love and knowledge and personal satisfaction (and EVERYTHING else positive in life starts NOW... in our willingness to decide to create that sort of a life!
Take a class -- go back to college -- take a volunteer or even low-paid position doing something that you have always wanted to learn to do (like help love-up the dogs/cats at an animal shelter). Go to a seminar -- attend a church, and volunteer to help with some upcoming event. Read a book -- in fact try reading something that is meant to inspire you to action -- or explains the secrets of the mind and human nature... that you can then put into practical use as you forge FORWARD in life.
Walk around the block. Sit outside and close your eyes and feel the sun on your face and really HEAR the wind in the tress. Watch the sunset tonight. Stand out under the stars and feel yourself as tiny in the immensity of the Universe.
And yet -- each one of us has something really valuable to offer. Look at all the 'individual' people whose contributions have changed the world! Ghandi -- Martin Luter King -- Mother Theresa -- none of them rich or very 'special' until their 'reason for being here' was shared -- and they forged forward.
Life is so incredibly beautiful -- I encourage you to move FORWARD confidently -- that no matter how long we have, or what challenges we face, we still have the potential to change our lives -- and the lives of others! Once on that path -- we begin to form better relationships with OURSELVES -- and then with everyone -- including possibly finding our true love.
And yes -- I fell in love after my dx. True -- I already knew him -- we had been dating (but lightly and moving slowly with no promises of more) UNTIL my dx... which inspired him to invite me to move in... if I wanted to accept his offer to be my partner in this.
E-Harmony is how we met -- I was on for 5 years and met some really nice men there -- (yes, and some who were far-from-Mr.-Right, too...
But every single connection MOVED ME FORWARD and helped me develop a new sense of who I wanted to be, and how I could best create a joyful life.All my best -- check out that link above if you want a little inspiration (especially re cancer)...
Another great link (about changing the way we view the world, and how to leave all your old complaints about life behind): http://www.landmarkeducation.com/ I attended the Landmark Forum 2 years ago, and it absolutely changed my life. I was depressed and felt trapped in my disapointment of 'how my life had turned out'. Landmark opened an entirely new world -- one which was not 'full of' anything EXCEPT WHAT I WANTED TO CREATE. All the past baggage just disappeared. What a gift! So this (The Landmark Forum) does cost about $600 for a super-intense long weekend of training... but it was by far (!) the best money I ever spent! And a Landmark Introduction is FREE -- so you can see if it looks interesting for you. (Lots of sample training -- FREE-- on that website, too).
Anyway -- My best to you all!
Linda
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Wow! I loved reading all these posts! I haven't been able to find someone to share my life with since my divorce in 01. I had given up before breast cancer. But, it would be nice to have companionship of another bc survivor to share a home with or an apartment. A friend of mine is a 20 year survivor and she finds men to have sex with left and right. I don't want that. I want love or nothing. So far it's nothing. Anyway...
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Yeah, there are plenty of men to have sex with (if they don't care that I have no nipples or areolas) but there aren't plenty who are looking for a commitment with a woman who has had cancer and other health issues.
I have been so down and depressed these last few weeks. I'm not sure if it's because I'm having my thyroid out in 5 days or if it's because Tony is still out of town or a combo of both. At one point we were engaged but we talked and just don't think we're ready to get married. Despite him showing me he cares he has never used the "L" word yet despite being together for almost a year. I know he's afraid of making another mistake after a long, bad marriage and a broken engagement.
I don't know what I want anymore. Between my husband's death in 2010 and my cancer DX and ongoing health issues, I'm just sick and tired of feeling so crappy. If I had the $600 I would definitely consider that Landmark course that was mentioned. I understand that feeling of wondering how the hell your life turned out the way it did. I wonder that every day of my life.
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Denise, feel better and please let us know how you are after your thyroid surgery.
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I thought I would check back in with you ladies. I have been very busy. My father died, as some of you may recall, and he just left a mess of unfinished business that I am trying to straighten out. I am selling 5 houses, cleaning his own out (without my sister’s help), selling his stocks and doing 4 years of back taxes. Sounds like money but idk………..there are LOTS of debts too. It has been very hard to go through all of his things (again alone), papers, knick knacks, letters and cards he wrote to my Mom before their divorce (painful stuff) and just SO, SO much. I still have more to do at the house and a lot of business. I haven’t had time for myself at all really. My son has been very troubled and goes to group counseling and support groups several nights a week. He needs a lot just to keep going himself. His Dad helps some so that is good. And then there are the other two kids who, despite being very young adults, still need more Mom support than they know. Most days are good, better than before. Sometimes I am very sad, esp. about Dad and sometimes just about being so independent/alone. I have tried several therapists but didn’t connect with any of them. Maybe it is not the time for that now. My Mom and sister were vicious around the funeral and so I have essentially dropped contact with them (I think I talked about that before too).
I am on two dating sites. I have chatted a little with a few guys, but no one I was really interested in. I have one that wants to meet for coffee this weekend but I have a gut level misgiving about him which I am trying to listen to. Something seems off. I am pretty busy for dating, really. I don’t know if it is my profile or what but after an initial flurry, there really is very little action on the dating sites. I am on Christian Mingle and POF. I don’t think there are that many people on CM. I have just hid my profile on POF. I did meet a nice attorney but he was VERY religious (in the ministry) and quoted scripture constantly. He cheerfully quoted scripture when sharing about his wife’s death. He was very conservative and so I didn’t think we would be a good match.
My fibro. has been acting up a lot because I haven’t been eating right, sleeping enough or exercising. Some of what I thought was arthritis has turned out to be fibro. symptoms, per rheumatologist. That is good I guess because it could remit some…..if I started taking care of myself, after the estate is settled, blah, blah, blah.
I have decided to have a nipple created the first week of April. Thought it was time to take another step forward. We will see how it goes; I am looking forward to it. (I miss talking to all of you about breast cancer and our ‘journey’ very much).
Denise – I too hope your surgery goes well. I believe you may feel a lot better once this thyroid issue is treated. I think it will help with your mood. I am sorry your relationship with Tony has turned out to be disappointing. I don't think I could continue without the L word. I need more.........I need love if I am to be with someone. Sounds like you are the same. Joanne – Hope you are making the progress you hoped to make this year. PL – How are you? Fibro. any better? Stanzie – R U out there?
I think dating is a very scary thing. I think you are right Denise that there are plenty of men who want sex but few that want a commitment. I think my profile doesn’t look like I would be an ‘easy mark’ therefore doesn’t get a lot of action from those types (or really much of any action), which is good; it would just be a nuisance. I think the ones with sense and depth are probably as scared of risking their heart, time and emotions (their hard won life!) as we are.
I do think that BC and the death of my father, life, has deepened me and changed me and made me far wiser. But I also think it has created a sense of separation from others and the light-heartedness that many others feel. Perhaps I notice that because where I work almost everyone is younger than I am (education is a field for the young).
Linda – You are full of life. So much of what you share is very uplifting however I am boxed in by responsibility. I already know God’s choice for me and my path, my purpose. I have known it for a long time. Sometimes the road chosen for us is not always an easy one or joyful but it is what is best for us or for others or just ‘the plan’. (Obviously I can’t know the mind of God…..
I wish).Hey – the guy who wants to have coffee……..asked me on Monday……..I said yes. Then I didn’t hear from him ‘til today………….that he wants to go for a “beverage” Sat. afternoon. No mention of Valentine’s Day despite emails, etc. for a month or so. I feel disappointed already and I haven’t even met him. Am I off base with this?
I know this is so long but I had so much to say. I have relatively few friends and decided to take an hour here for myself to say hi to everyone. Miss our chats.
Love~ Molly
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I haven't found love, but very much want to. I'm 43 now, 41 at diagnosis, and I've never been married. Now I'm faced with being childless, as chemotherapy took care of whatever eggs I had left (but in all honesty I wasn't all about having kids).
I feel cancer took the last vestiges of hope I had to be happy, to partner.0 -
Can you tell us more about your diagnosis, treatment, and how recent..........?
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Stage IIb, double mastectomy with latissimus/implants reconstruction. 8 cycles of dose dense chemo (4 AC, 4 T Herceptin). I finished chemo 1 yr 4 months ago, surgery almost 2 years ago. I turned 43 a month ago
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Had my thyroidectomy and came home after 2 days. Feeling okay and I can take a shower today if I wash from my incision down . Still trying to figure out how to wash my hair however. Had a very, very sore throat the first couple of days but that is improving a little bit every day.
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Denise, glad to hear you are home and on the mend. Take care of yourself ....
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