Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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It is a bad sign if they don't call everyday, right? This guy that keeps coming into and out of my life, he only calls every few days. Most of the women I know who are married or in serious relationships, the man called every day in the beginning, right? Like Meece's did?
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Fearless - I'm not one to ask about that lol I have no clue what I'm doing. I do remember my ex when we first started dating called every day and we saw each other very often but we lived only a couple miles away etc... Then I dated a guy during chemo and such and he never called, we never talked on the phone, it was only texting and he'd come over a couple times a week. I think he just was in it for fun, ha ha he got more than he bargained for, and a friends with benefits thing? I broke it off a couple months ago because I just decided I'm better off alone and waiting for the right one then wasting time on the wrong one. Now look at me, if I could just take my own advice with this new guy I like huh? He calls every day, and we text a few times a day but don't see each other that often because of distance, kids and crazy schedules. Sorry for rambling, but I guess I'm saying each guy and relationship is so different it's hard to say if they should or shouldn't call every day, what's the relationship like, how long has it been, etc... I don't remember all the details.
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I agree it's different. Because of the distance, we set up the planned daily calls, but if one or the other of us had something else going on, we skipped the call that day.
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We are long distance, too. But when I don't hear from him, it makes me think he is not thinking of me. I know that sounds insecure, but seems he should be really concerned about me right now, he knows I just had surgery a few days ago.
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If he was a girlfriend you would probably get a call, but guys just seem to use the avoidance tactic when they don't know what to do or say.
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I sure do scare them away, lol!
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Fearless, I can totally relate to the insecure and scaring away part. I tend to do that too. So I'm REALLY trying to not do that this time, or at least appear I'm secure and not needy
LOL It's so hard! Do you call him on the days he's not calling you? You know what I find is funny?? I do not call this guy I met, EVER! I am sure he thinks it's odd, and I really can only think of what I said above. I don't want to seem that into him, or needy so I try to let him do the calling. I'll text him in the morning and say good morning etc... I just hate to call not knowing if it's a good time and stuff. 0 -
Dragonfly, I never call him. I have learned from experience, when a man is truly interested, he will call you - like yours does, like Meece's did. I don't care what women say, if he's not calling, he's not that interested.
I guess this is why I get insecure. No one ever really made me feel otherwise. I always had reason for doubt whenever I was seeing someone.
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I kind of feel like that too if they want to call me they will, and I was raise that way though old fasion. I don't call boys, they call me, they open the door for me, etc... simple but big things if that makes sense.
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Fearless,
A few years back I dated a guy like you're describing. He lived 3 hours away (we had gone to school together when younger). We would have a great time when we were together, but he rarely called. I finally just gave up, because it kept me feeling bad, not good. It was obvious he was not that interested, and I didn't want to waste anymore emotional energy. It's been 3 years since we quit seeing each other, but every now and then he calls me or sends me an email message - just kind of strange. I think if someone is really interested, you'll know it.
Karen
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Is it just me, I tend to over think the things. Like this guy we chat every night, and text and see each other when we can. I still have it stuck in my head he just wants to be friends? Even after his big surprise of showing up on my door step to spend the day with me
Fearless, I'd maybe point blank ask him, tell him what you're wondering, and see what he says. Maybe he's just clueless, maybe he's not interested in much more... But no point in dragging it out like Karen said, we all deserve so much more.
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I never called either. Even once we were engaged. I just felt that it was the man's job.
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Karen, that is exactly how it leaves me feeling - not good, like he is not interested. And just when I give up and try to write him off, he starts coming on strong. He is a good guy, just doesn't seem that interested. I don't know what he wants.
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Fearless - everything you said, I could have said about the guy I was dating. In many ways a "nice" guy, but he was just way too ambivalent about being in a relationship and I was constantly getting my feelings hurt. I had no idea what he wanted, either, but I was pretty sure it wasn't what I wanted.
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It stinks to be in that position Fearless, I'd say talk to him, make it clear what you're looking for and see what he says, then go from there. Maybe he's not sure what you're looking for? Hard to say, best of luck to you, I swear being single is so much easier on the heart and anxiety!
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Grrr... if i could only follow my own advice. Just got a text from this guy, he was saying he hoped I had a good day and that his was crazy. I asked him if crazy good or crazy bad? He said he couldn't lie and say it was good
I asked what happened, he said he'd call later as usual but couldn't text much. I don't know what happened, and now it stresses me out! He has an ex, and a 15 year old son that's really giving them a hard time. So I feel bad for him, then I just can see him saying he doesn't need 1 more thing (me) to add to the mix right now. I just try to listen. I did tell him last night that maybe we needed to cancel our plans next weekend because he might enjoy some relaxing time just to himself, he said no, that I was not a stress to him. I'm just a worrier !! Dang it 0 -
Dragonfly, sounds like things are going well. As for my guy, he knows what I want. He is just not that interested in me. But like many men, he isn't quite ready to let me go until someone he genuinely wants to be with comes along. And at 45, I can't be too picky, I guess. I know he doesn't care that much, but there is really no one who does.
Maybe I am thinking I would rather be with someone who doesn't love me, than continue to be alone the rest of my life.
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Fearless -- no, hold out for someone who loves you. Being with someone who may leave when he finds Ms Right is WAY lonelier than being by yourself. (Been there, done that.)
And, to answer your original question about finding love after treatment -- YES! We traded emails daily, then several times a day, then met and got to the L-word in a couple of months (about two weeiks ago --at 65 you don't dilly-dally when you realize that life is short.)
Don't rule out the "nice" guys !
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Lauri, I guess you are right. It just gets tempting to settle when I get very lonely.
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I sent him some new pics since he hasn't seen me in awhile (he kept asking for pics); I have not heard from him since so I am guessing he didn't like the pics. I just got out the hospital, so I don't look my best. But he wanted new pics.
If I never hear back, I will assume he is no longer attracted.
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Don't know if anyone is interested in my story, but I wanted to let you ladies know how I found the love of my life...He was a buddy of mine. We would meet together with a few of my other male friends for occasional drinks and coffee. I had known him about 10 years and really liked him as a "brother". He just was not my type. My male friends, along with my girl friends went on a cruise in 2008. We were having a blast, like always. I would tell him to meet up with me for some dancing later on in the evening, but for some reason I could never meet up with him. He would call the cabin and ask what happened, but most of the times I was just plain tired from the activities of the day. No big deal. Then on the formal night he picked up me and my girlfriend, and when I opened the door, he was looking so handsome. I don't know what happened but I suddenly saw him in a "different light". We had a good time that evening and hung out. When it was time to come home, I was really interested in him and wanted to get to know him better. So I started to call him more frequently and one night I just asked him if he wondered why I was calling him. I could hear him "blush" over the phone. I told him I liked him, and he said he liked me too. But I had to tell him that "I liked, liked him". I put myself out there and told him that I was interested in seeing him and that I didn't want to play games because I am too old for that (54 at the time). He agreed. It really didn't matter if he felt the same because it wasn't like I was in love with him, but I did want to get to know him in another way besides being his "buddy". Now mind you, he was aware that I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and this was actually my celebration cruise. He began calling me and our friendship blossomed. We were married Oct 4, 2008 and he is the love of my life.
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Congratulations, shorbr. That is a great uplifting story. One that shows, that it might be right in front of our eyes, we just need to look at it a bit differently.
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We had both been married previously. I have a 24 year old son and he has no children. The week that we were getting married--that Monday I was scheduled for my yearly mammogram. They found calcifications and I was so afraid. I couldn't believe it. Finally found happiness and this ugly beast is rearing its ugly head AGAIN. I was thinking, he wouldn't want to be bothered with a sick wife, but he showed such compassion and love telling me that whatever was going on with me--we would deal with it. So the next day I was scheduled for a stereotatic biopsy. My oncologist left a message on my phone telling me to enjoy your wedding, your results are benign" (got the results so fast because I work in the Radiology Dept and knew staff in Pathology since I also worked there in the past).
We cried and breathed a sigh of relief and were married that Saturday
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Yet another beautiful chapter for your memory bank.
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Not everyone finds love, and I am going to be one of those people. I think if I start accepting that instead of deluding myself with fairytales, I will actually feel better than I have been lately.
I am 45, I used to think I was average in appearance, but maybe am a little below average, and I don't meet people in public or at work. On-line dating is for fairly attractive people, so I think I don't really have a strong chance, and I need to learn to be okay with that. With being alone.
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I was your age when I accepted the fact that I needed to learn to be okay with being alone. Never thought it would happen for me. So I went about my life being content having fun with my friends, vacationing at least twice a year, and having gatherings at my home, as well as being invited out. I had not dated in over 22 years, not one single date, and FOR ME, that was okay. Then I got diagnosed with breast cancer. I went into one of the lowest funks of my life to the point where I had to be on anti-depressants. I lived a life of gloom and doom. Even my son started to "act up" in a defiant way. My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease the same time I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
The only reason I was able to not crack from all this was by means of prayer. It helped me tremendously. I was not even looking for a husband, let alone dating anybody. But...it happened when I least expected it. As far as being attractive, I'm ok, very much overweight, but like my mom used to say to me...there is somebody for everybod. And viola...it happened.
Please don't give up, you will find your find love too...
By the way, I am 56. Yes, I found love late...but it feels good and I feel like a teenager in love
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Thanks, Shorbr...it does sound like you know what I am going through. I, too, try prayer. I pray to meet someone who will love me for the rest of my days and for God to keep people away from me who are going to hurt me. So far, I have only witnessed the latter, but time will tell.
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You WILL find someone, just don't give up. I just hate that it happened for me so late in life. But perhaps that was a good thing because I don't take love for granted.
If you need to PM me, please feel free to do so. I am here for you....
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Well, we can't know that with certainty - the fact is, not everyone finds love, but I agree with you that perhaps I am being premature in throwing in the towel just yet.....
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You are right, I apologize for saying that. Sorry...
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