Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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I have had no luck on either, not sure why? Maybe I should have you review my profile
I tend to date in the past your outdoor type guy. I love to camp, spend the summers at the lake, etc... Not much into poetry readings and 5 star restaurants lol 
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Of course, I would be happy to read it. You sound very down-to-earth, and I would think men would love that, and you are very pretty. Boys are just dumb, lol! Stick to your own age and/or older, too.
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Thank you, and yes you are right, boys are dumb
You know it's funny I have no problem making friends, but having a boyfriend I can't seem to do? Maybe I'm just too chummy or too independent etc...? 0 -
ha ha ha ha ladies..... I just got a text from the boy... He said "I like your new pic, it's a good one" Of course I'm not responding but it cracked me up. So he saw it on match, or on facebook, not sure!
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I would not respond, either. Don't even go there. Sheesh, they always turn back up, don't they?
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I know... Sorry buddy. You had more than enough chances. Feels good to ignore him!!
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Hello
Any off you have had a DIEP and wondering what that is like with dating and intimacy. I am single and worried about how that plays out with the manr reaction and how one feels with all that numbness?
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I had the DIEP but have only dated 1 person since then. He said it was ok and was intrigued by it all. We are not together because well he's a loser as you can see from my other posts. I'll always wonder of my cancer/surgeries played any part of that? Either way he was not the right person. The right man will be ok with it. It's hard for me because I feel awkward and uncomfortable with the scars and when do you tell the person etc.... Best of luck to you
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Dragonfly
I completely understand how you feel I am so scared of being cut up and sewn back together like a rageddy Ann doll and then i have to return to my normal life of dating etc. I PM you to ask a personal questions.
Thanks for your support.
Mina
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I get that believe me!! So you've not done the DIEP yet? I'll look for your message, happy to help in any way I can!
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I'm sure you ladies look beautiful.....the DIEP photos I have seen are very impressive....
Wish me luck ladies, my exchange surgery is in the morning! Talk to you soon!
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Oh good luck Fearless!! How long is the recovery/hospital stay?
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I only did a single but did very well after the exchange compared to all the other surgeries. Best of Luck FO.
Karyn
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Just to prove there are good guys out there:....
I was at work yesterday and my new guy asked me how my day was... I replied "dragging and I'm out of diet coke"... An hour later there was a bottle delivered to my desk... Gestures like that are what relationships are about.
KAryn
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So sweet, that's great.......the loser I was talking about would do nice things like that. He just didn't have it in him to do the actual relattionship or at least with me! I have no problem finding guys that are great, beyond great that would do anything for me but I can't seem to get out of the "friend" category.
I'm on pof, and it's free... I have 4 new emails on match.com but am not a paying member. Trying to decide, it's like the mystery package... Do I pay for 1 month and see what's in the emails?
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DF I think you could pay for one month and see how it goes.....Sounds like you are ready to step back out there. Best of luck with your exchange surgery Fearless! I agree Karen those little gestures are so thoughtful! Good Luck and Hugs to All! Kiley
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DF - I'd pay for the month... See what happens
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DF - I agree - pay for the month.
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dragonfly -my boyfriend did many wonderful things too, but he would 'set up' disastrous disagreements and then verbally put the knife in and turn it! Of course, then you never have to move forward and actually commit bcuz you can always say "you're crazy" and we argue too much.! I don't think it's hard to find someone who does wonderful gestures. What IS hard is finding a real man, with depth and the ability to be there when you need him. A man who can handle responsibility and deeply love. That is difficult. Esp. to find one who is single.It takes years to truly know someone. Dating is tough. I haven't had my exchange and I took a good look at myself as I was changing tonight. And I thought, who is going to want this. I have no nipple! but my gut tells me that someone will. Some will just go with it thinking it is all in the past anyway. I'm sorry to sound bitter and maybe I am. I know I am not ready to go out there. BC has changed me. I want to be ME now - out from the influence of a man, twisting myself into a pretzel just to meet HIS needs. I find my life to be busy and full. I think once we heal and feel whole, physically and emotionally, then a positive loving man will come into our lives and find us. And he will be strong and emotionally healthy and good too.
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mybee - I agree completely with you except that the man won't find you. Unless you're "out there" and available. Like my girlfriends like to say, "he won't come knocking at your door." You've got to go after what you want.
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You are probably right. I'm sure my perspective will change with time. I do enjoy going out with my friends and doing things so maybe in time............good luck with your search, if that is where you are at!!
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My guy did come knocking at my door. He heard about me from some friends, knew about my breast cancer situation. Knew my husband had left me. Came over with a truck load of wood for my wood stove, split stacked it for me. We became friends, I hired hime to help with chores around my small ranch, that was 3 years ago. I knew we were attracted to each other, but he was a few years younger and I did not take it seriously. Last summer when he found out I signed up on match, he let me know real fast he wanted to be exclusive. He did not want to date other women, and did not want me to date other men. I love our relationship! Sometimes, alot of times I think it's not fair to him giving my prognosis, as I will always be living with this cancer, and have had many setbacks, but he always stands up to the plate, so we'll see.......one day at a time............Oh, he is awesome! Kiley
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Kiley - that's a nice story to hear. I generally have had a positive experience from guys when I tell them about BC -
Karyn
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Kiley... when did I miss this? The ranch hand is now your boyfriend?
That's so awesome!! 0 -
Dragonfly
Thanks for your input.
Mybee
When you say "Who is going to want to be with this?"....could I ask is it very different than before your cancer? Is it the scars, lack of feeling, or it not looking realistic like a breast or if you could share? Wondering once the nipple is on will that make the difference? How long since stageone surgery? Did you have one breast or bothe done? Do you think tatoos on the scar would make a difference? Does any one know how I can acess to see DIEP pics on this site?
Mina
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Gather your courage. Meet people in public places. Know what you're looking for in a date, a committed relationship (make a written list, sounds silly, but it's important). I remarried for the 4th time 8 1/2 years ago, a man I met on a blind date~two years after we met. Talk about courage! Both well-educated, intelligent, etc., and unemployed! Felt like a teenager!
Hit the jackpot!!! Soon thereafter we were both employed, living in a home we owned, etc., totally in love and committed even more 8 1/2 years later...my love recently experienced a "flareup" (Crohn's disease isnot cureable) & is on infusion chemotherapy, Remicade. He is choosing to pass on sugery (I knew about the Crohn's diagnosis before we married). Then thereis me, diagnosed with DCIS breast cancer in 1995 (& now with a 2d ca diagnosis 15 years later ~ILC with lymph node metastasses, Oct., 2011; passing on radiation & other treatment).
So what!!!???!!! We continually gather our courage, choosing to love each other and take one day at a time.
I encourage you to gather your courage. Make choices, monitor and verify what I call the "worth it" factor of your choices (good, stay; not-so-good, get out! and try again). My arms are around you with a hug. CMG
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A little practical counsel.
When you meet someone, understand there is much about them you do not know.
Get to know somebody a while before talking about your health. That way you become someone wonderful they know who has a health issue, rather than somebody they just met with a health issue (which may preclude getting to know you better).
My cousin who is an MD (disabled at this point in her life) met a guy in CA on line and was immediately going to tell him her significant health history; I counseled her to get to know him first. Turns out some time later (they met in person) HE has signficant diabetes health issues..so to attain mutuality she equally confided about her health issues upon learning about his. They've been married for 9 years, happily, enhancing each other's lives, health, and well-being. It's ALL about being patient with yourself and others, getting to know somebody first! and then sharing health information (you're wise, you'll know when the timing is appropriate). Gather your courage! CMG
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I'm sorry. I don't think I meant really "who would want to be with this" - I was just down. Also - I have not yet had my exchange surgery and am coming off a bad break up. I 'only' had a uni but I am pretty lopsided right now and having surgery to both sides in Decembert. BF was in general not there for me during my mastectomy which gave me clarity. I needed to go through this alone as he was too much work. I'm probably on the wrong thread here
. I'm sure in time I will regain my confidence. For the first time in my life tho' I'm just not that interested or maybe am too scared. Miles, I do agree that there is much that is not known when you meet someone and it takes a LONG time to truly get to know their character. There are some nice stories on here. Thanks Miles too for your talk of courage. 0 -
I think you're on the right thread. There are some great ladies on here. Having the exchange will help with your self esteem I'm sure of it. My DIEP made all the difference in how I felt about myself. Granted I still fear even meeting a new guy and having them see the final results. I wish I could say I didn't have this fear but I can't. I am who I am now, and hopefully will find a guy someday that loves me and every scar I have earned.
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Mybee - I can relate to you. My husband was not there for me during chemo only to find out he was ihaving an affair (had started before dx) and it was the BC which allowed me to "see" what was happening. I met a guy six months after my mastectomy and I had not had recon yet, my hair was an inch long and he loved me for me and could see past the exterior physical appearance.
I am a uni and a little lopsided - apple on one side and an orange on the other. My guy now knows I self concious but isn't phased by my appearance.
Every one's opinion will be different but the most important thing is for each eprson to do what is right for them.
KAryn
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