Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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You can do it.... I know it's so hard to not respond. Block his #, or what worked for me was to text my girlfriends when he'd text me. They are a good moral support and remind me why I stopped talking to him in the 1st place.
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Fearless,
"I don't have money, so I wouldn't expect some rich, successful guy. I'm not beautiful, so I don't expect him to be."
These things shouldn't matter either way. I met the nicest man recently and there is a disparity in our incomes (mine is 2x higher ) but money doesn't make someone nice, kind, thoughtful, funny, honest and trustworthy. Don't sell yourself short. You should be physically attracted to whomever you date but not all attractive guys worth dating. Just my thoughts - don't let those things make you think you can't date them.
Karyn
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Fearless - I hope you didn't take my oist the wrong way. What I meant was don't think you can't date someone because they are attractive or may have more money...
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Kward, not at all - I appreciate your words :-) Anyways, I probably won't be dating for awhile. Maybe in a few months when my recon is all healed and looks better.
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A friend shared a good thought with me today: The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable of loving you are in the present.
I think this is very true... I know I myself am hung up on the most recent issue and loser, that I'm probably not putting a lot of effort into looking for other potentials.
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Survivor11, Dawn, thank you so much for your kind words. You gave me a boost just when I needed it.
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LOVE your screen name "Youlooklikeyouneedabeergirl"
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Thanks, Dragonfly1976. There's a story behind the name. Don't we all have stories.
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Hm... now I'm intrigued, you have to share!
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Your welcome, yulooklike....,it's just what I hear from you.
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DF, I agree with that. And I know you are still hung up on him, too. But you really liked him, it's totally understandable. But I don't think most women (or men) get over someone by taking a hiatus from dating. I think that is the worst thing someone can do. You are a very pretty girl, you need to be out there.
You think men sit around and take dating "breaks"? Hell no, lol! They get back on the horse as soon as they can!
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dragonfly I agree with you on the anger etc. i am trying to let mine go the funny thing is the more time goes by the more angry I get...at least I released some of it at the gym this am. Didnt help that I found out the guy recently joined fb- and he "friended me" think I need to block it because its going to drive me nuts- the txts are bad enough...fearless for the most part you are right I think there are the few rare exceptions...
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I agree the anger is part of the healing process. I think moving here to this town is hard with him and my healing process. In time.... I am on match and plenty of fish so eventually I'll date again. I'm kind of odd though, I can talk to them over email and text and get so anxious when they want to meet. Some of the guys want to meet right away, like skip all the getting to know each other stuff. I guess
In a way that's good but I don't like to meet someone after exchanging 1 or 2 emails.
What happened at the gym? I don't think you want to be on his Facebook friend list, I removed myself cause it's like torture from the guy I was dating.0 -
CML, these guys don't ever like to burn their bridges, you know what I mean? They will always throw a text or email in here and there. This guy dusted you two weekends in a row, is that right? I'm sorry If I missed a post somewhere, but didn't you have plans and he was a no-show? You don't deserve to be treated like that. It makes ME mad and I don't even know the guy!
DF, your anxiety is totally normal! I'm sure the guys get nervous about meeting, too.
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CML, I agree with Fearless. It goes back to what we said a few weeks ago -- too many red flags from the get go. He is not such a nice guy - he is just not burning his bridges. Guys like to have a few different women on the go while they continue to look. Move on - get away from him. Block him on fb and block his texts. He is a user. DF, I think you are actually over the guy - just a few remaining hurt feelings or more like the loss of what might have been. You handled him very well and he didn't turn out to be worthy of you. It's always nerve wracking meeting someone new. I actually think it's better to meet sooner rather than later. Sometimes, with too many emails, we build up a perception of someone who is different than the real person and then the meeting is a big disappointment. Meet the guy from the get go and see if he's worth a second date. Just emails is building a fantasy and no one can live up to the fantasy. They don't even look like their pictures most of the time either.
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DragonFly I had anger built up from a dinner with friends and wine last night so I went to the gym and released some of the stress. You are probably right about the fb too I have been there with another guy who did somethig similar. fearless yes two weekends in a row got the cold shoulder. he says hes feeling guilty I have from other sources and him there is a lot of turmoil right now with his kids and his soon to be ex reaking havoc. I am willing to move on and see what happens and I know I deserve more I think its the story of my life BAD TIMING BAD Circumstances
Just trying to keep busy going out w some friends to watch the game tomorrow...maybe I'll meet someone there. you never know.
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CML, stop making excuses for him. He stood you up, I don't care about his ex or anything else. That was a sh*tty thing to do to you. Yes, stay busy with your friends and enjoy the game. Forgive me if I sound harsh, but I don't like this guy or how he has treated you.
I agree with everything H said, especially the part about meeting sooner rather than later. Best to find out quickly if there is any chemistry, and that they are who they advertise themselves to be. Just use caution, of course. Meet in public.
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I am still enjoying spending time with my new guy, and am taking it very slowly. I like his intellect, his emotional intelligence and he's got enough meat on his bones to make a hug very satisfying!
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Lovemyfamily, did he say why he has to move? Is it definite?
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He is from the south and wants to return. He is training for a position in the new electronic medical records. His daugter will be graduating from college. I think it is pretty definite--AND he talked about joining the peace corp and leaving the country! Thanks for asking
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That's too bad - sounds like a good guy! Peace Corp....awesome.....
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Fearless you are right...no more excuses....I hope
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Easier said than done, CML....this I realize! It's not easy! Hang in there and keep posting......
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CML, I agree with Fearless. Move on. He's not worthy of you. A good guy doesn't excuse bad behaviour.
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CML - Just think of him as someone who is ambivalent and has ISSUES. Both of which you do not need. You probably have enough of your own
as we all do!! This comes from someone who has lost way too many years to men who I 'loved', made excuses for and lost or left due to their own inability to love - not that I'm perfectly innocent. I think men don't take dating breaks because 1) they don't lose their identity to a woman and 2) their penises get them out there. Altho' I have to say, when I was on the dating sites, I met a few who had taken dating breaks and it was due to either finances or broken hearts. The dating sites: I was on POF and Match. Met interesting people and had fun and thought I met the man of my dreams, however...............my first impression of his picture was that he had cold eyes, later I thought he was sad and lonely as I knew the photo was from his first Christmas without his wife of 24 years. Ltr, this was the man who, after 4 yrs., didn't come, call or visit in the hospital for my mastectomy...........So loving in the beginning..........now see the 24 yrs. with her were emotionally abusive, power and control based too. I would love to meet a known entity. Someone who a friend knows, etc. So that I had some more history............But the sites can be fun, if you're ready for them!! 0 -
BTW - I know I have sounded strong and determined but...........it's Friday night..........and I'm lonely. This will be my first holiday season without a husband/boyfriend in 23 years, the only time in my adult life that I was alone for Christmas!!
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So sorry to hear you're lonely! What about friends or family for Christmas? I know most of us can relate to the lonely nights. Post on here or feel free to PM me to chat any time
I certainly never thought my life would turn out like this, but am hopeful that I find someone in time. I still find it interesting that I have absolutely NO problem being friends with guys but can not have a boyfriend!!
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Thanks dragonfly. I don't know if I'm lonely so much as sad (and a little angry) that's it's over and ended this way. If I had been smarter, I might not be facing BC and reconstruction without a wonderfully supportive partner................like I wish I might have.
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Today at a breakfast date the new gentleman advised me to "be careful". (with regard to him??) WTF?? I emailed him that I would like to get more info and he emailed back saying he would call and would discuss as much as I want/need. WTF?
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Mybee, don't be so hard on yourself - it's nothing to do with "smart" - you fell in love. It makes you far more human than someone who can't love. I'm sorry you are lonely - but I do believe life can change in a New York minute, and any day is a possibility of meeting someone.
Your post cracked me up when you spoke of their penises getting in their way, lol! It's true - it motivates them!
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