Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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LMF, I think it's just because he is moving away and he knows you like him. He doesn't want you to get hurt.
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Fearless - You know that penis thing is true. That's half the problem. They say whatever they think will make that little buddy they have down there happy. The brain kicks in much, much later.............
btw....my therapist said I love deeply. I suppose. That was my goal with my children and, frankly, I think they have turned out wonderfully, at least for teenagers!! Always wanted them to feel secure, and loved. I'm not really that lonely, just temporarily at loose ends!0 -
Mybee, I think you are doing just FINE! You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and are just in major transition right now. Glad to hear about your kids and I totally agree with you about the penis thing, lol!
It may sound sexist of me, but I do believe that is why men can move on faster. When men get divorced, they start dating immediately. I think most men just can't go without sex for very long.
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Thanks Fearless for the vote of confidence It could very well be the sex. Also - I don't know how introspective most of them are. I mean if nothing is your fault, or you don't intend to change, well what's the point of looking back. I hear my former BF is doing pretty well, happy, not dating but going on with his life just fine. So... here's a story: I hire a contractor to do some odds and ends that the BF left undone when he was doing some remodelling. He's been here two weekends. Now says he can't stop thinking about me, I'm so beautiful, can we go out to eat, etc. I tell him I need a SINGLE man, not a married one!! But if he has a single friend..... He says - Can I be your friend? I told him: Friend only! Sheeesh........ 0
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What is it with the married men? Why do they always do that?
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When I hear about sleazy married men like that, it makes me glad to be single.
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But... Don't rule out the single friend, you never know... Its nice to meet a guy thru friends... Anyhow...Worked out for me so far ...... Cheers Kiley
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Kiley, you are so right. My cousin met her husband that way. Her and this guy went out but she just wasn't into him, but he had a friend and told his friend about this great girl he met that he felt they might hit it off......the rest was history.
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Super busy day for me, my Mom and I go together to get our hair done then lunch and my guy friend text to see if I wanted to go bowling. I am SOOOOO horrible at it!
We went bowling and out to dinner. Moral of this story is... I've known my friend and his family for about 16 years, I was best friends with his younger brother for a long time. Lost touch, and reconnected with his paretns and older brother via facebook/myspace a couple years ago. Anyway, we see each other once a month, sometimes more, he's such a super great, sweet, funny guy. Why is it I can be great friends with guys like this, but not more? I had him over for dinner with his parents and my parents and my friends a couple weeks ago. My friend and Mom said they noticed him staring at me a few times. I don't think he was but who knows... We were comparing dating stories tonight and talking about eharmony and everything. I told him all about the guy I had been seeing and he was speechless, said this guy is CRAZY!! LOL I was glad to hear a guys perspective on it. He said if I go out with a girl, I will wait no more than a day to text or call or email and say thanks, I had a great time etc... Not 4 or 5 days in between seeing someone, and he was saying he thinks this guy is seriously a head case, or he really just is confused and scared, but mostly thinks he's crazy! Sorry, I know I'm rambling... Point being of this, is that I had a fun night with a friend, who is a guy, no problem having guys for friends just can't seem to have a boyfriend and the ex was crazy even from another guys point of view ! Hope everyone had a great night 0 -
Oh DF, I'm soooo glad you had a good time and good talk with a guy friend. I'm tellin you, you just never know about these guy "friends"......Sometimes ...... Well anyways, just sounds as if you had a greatnight and that is awesome!!! Kiley
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Hey all.... thought things were going fairly good with one of the guys but it only lasted not even three weeks...damn, I think I am beginning to sound like a three week date lately!!! heheee The other one turned out to be a weirdo!!! (He called, said he was leaving to go to TN to work, we talked a few times and all of a sudden it was txts. ...then two days without hearing from him, I got an email from his daughter, he was in hospital had a heart attack.. Two days later, he was on his way thru here, but didnt' want to see me....had his daughter with him, going back to NV to stay with her for a few weeks to recoup. OK...I got that.....then the txts' started dwindling, I tried to call his phone which was a NV phone.....(he had just moved to Wichita from there and hadn't changed he said),, anyway, his phone said the "party was out of the calling area or had it turned off..........a few seconds later I got a txt from him, tried to call again, and it said the same thing.....then he txted and said his phone bill was due and he could only txt??? I never heard of that one before......so the RED FLAGS started flying.!! The next day he said he needed to talk to me..ok....he txted that his ex wife was taking him back to court over some financial legal matters (they been divorced two years!), and that he was going to lose everything! Now, he said he was financially wealthy, which I didn't care one way or another. SO,.he tells me that he has to break it now because he is not going to take anyone down with him..... HUH>?? this was getting crazy to me... two days later he txts and asks me if I could help him with his phone bill......that all his accounts, credit cards etc. had been froze.......RED FLAGS flying HIGH!! He said if I couldn't that it didn't matter one way or another.....well txts went back and forth and of course I did not send him any money!! I am smarter than that one.... anyway, then I get a txt he is "ending it all"...he had had enough, and I didn't care.....etc. etc. etc..... I thought oh my God, what if he did something it would make me feel horrible!! SO I txted back and forth for a bit, told him I would call the police and have them GPS his phone......then he sends me a HORRIBLE txt calling me names and a lot more.......what a change in personality!!!!! I was a bit freaked!! Two days passed and I txted him...because he had deleted me off his fb and deleted his fb altogether then made up another one! SO I knew he didnt' end it all......and told him he was a jerk for putting me or anyone for that matter thru this crap!! He txted me some not so nice things again......and that was that..........MORAL of this story, I think he was one of them that pulled women in and tried to get their money!! Thank God I was smart!!!
The other one, we just didn't click. Talk every now and then, he calls or emails and checks on me but that is it.
Last week I went out with a guy twice.... first night there wasn't much of an attraction to me, but the second night, he grew on me more
He is so sweet, and yes, he is single, not in a crazy situation, and so far he txts me or calls me daily and every morning and night I get a txt from him. We are planning on seeing each other again either tonight or tomorrow night. Just taking things slowwwwwwwwwwww!!!! I am a bit shell shocked and told him that.....and he seems to understand fully!! We shall see! Gee........so it sounds like so many of you are going thru the dating "game" I am...it sucks but I keep telling myself that we gotta kiss alot of terds, or I mean toads, before we meet our prince......heheeeeee
DF so glad to hear you had a good time. Fearless, glad the surgery went good, but hate that you dont' like the nips.....hopefully they will settle down and be what you want soon!!
Mybee......I so understand how you feel about being alone at holidays......I was with someone for two years, but he always took off on bike trips during the holidays, said he couldn't stand them, so I was by myself even tho I was with someone! as much as I was WITH him.......(that was the guy that was with someone else for 4 yrs, and me 2 yrs of it!!) anyway, will be thinking of you this holiday season, and probably I will be alone too.....i just don't have much faith in these men these days........I am hoping Jim proves me wrong!!!
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Update on the tests..... Colonoscopy was good, upper GI was good. Then they did a CT scan of my chest... went to see dr. Thurs. he set me up with a surgeon, wants a biopsy done on two nodes that are there, he said they are small, but found them two and two smaller ones, so I go Wed. to consult with the surgeon. Probably will have that done in a week or two. And will be in the hospital for two days at least he said....damn it!!
(I am out of sick time at work but the boss has been great about all this so far!!), and then on Dec. 5th he has me set up to have a CT scan of my pelvis and stomach..... I am so tired already of all the tests......why cant' they just do ONE thing for the whole body and be done with it!! Yes, I told Jim about all this too before we went out, and then talked to him Thurs evening about the biopsy, and even told him that it was ok if he backed out I would understand.......he said, "why you say that silly girl? I ain't gone no where and don't plan on it either.... even if we become nothing more than friends.......(which I hope we do become more, friends dont' leave friends)" .....
Anyway, I go to see surgeon on Wed. am, taking my lunch time to do that, then after work my son, dil, and g/d will be here from Okla City, we will celebrate the baby's 1st birthday then have Thanksgiving the next day all together..... looking forward to that.
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Good luck with all the tests Paula! I am looking forward to seeing my guy today--to talk about the "careful" comment. I can get myself dreaming too soon, so I am consciously making an effort to slow the heck down! God bless all my bc sisters!
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I have to admit that from reading your stories, I'm glad that I'm out of the dating game. Better to be by myself. I just can't take all that crap anymore. DF, sounds like your guy friend is very nice -- spend more time with him.
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Friends are good, dating though sucks and I'm really not feeling the motivation!
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Hi Paula so hopeing all goes well with your tests. I still think its best to go slow with these guys, like mcbee said they don't all think with their "brains" !!! For me it was best to establish a solid friendship.......then it turned into something great, that I really never expected. But even still I take things slow. Love so much I'm glad your slowing the heck down too! It is hard, I know but is for the best. You know, we make plans, we dream, but sometimes God has other plans, that is where patience and faith come into our lives. Wishing you all the very best! Thank You Fearless for starting this post for single women to let it all "hang out". I think it is very different for us on the breast cancer train, then for other with supporting men, husband, then facing all this alone. Kiley
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DF, I agree that dating crap does suck!
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sometimes, if the relationship is not good, then it can also be very lonely.
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TOO T A L L Y agree on that hrf!
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I agree. I have been in relationships were I felt completely alone. I would rather be alone than be in one of those.
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Worse to be alone in a relationship than alone - not in a relationship. I wonder if some of us were just meant to end up alone. How many times does one have to be hurt before giving up?
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I jumped off of the dating train a while back. For the most part I really enjoy my "FREEDOM"! There are times that I would like to have a companion...but those times are usually fleeting. I am going to focus on expanding my circle of quality friends this coming year...and if I find a great guy in the process...I am going to try and be open to trying the dating thing again.
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H, I don't think anyone is "meant" to be alone. I think we make wrong choices, some stay in bad relationships too long, some don't put themselves out there enough, some are too trusting, some too cynical, some are so good-hearted that they attract predatory types who try to take advantage of their good nature.
I don't think anyone who wants a relationship should ever give up. I do believe that for every woman who is lonely, there is a man somewhere feeling the same way.
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I am thinking you're doing it right FLWarrior! I wish I could say I thought there was a man for everyone. Time will tell!
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Yes, they are out there. Maybe they are shy, maybe they have been hurt, too, maybe they aren't into on-line dating, etc. At least you are getting out there, DF. I've been such a hermit. That would be okay if I wasn't lonely, but I am.
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Do you think that the loney feeling is worse for you at this time of year? (Around the Holidays...)
This is the first time in my life that I will be "by myself" for the holidays. I am sort of in ignore/deny mode that this coming Thursday is Thanksgiving Day. For the first time ever... I am not cooking or having a traditional "turkey day" meal.
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No, because I have been alone a long time. For many of you it is your first holiday alone, but that isn't my situation. I think it's hard either way - whether you have been alone for a long time or are just coming out of a relationship or divorce. I think the holidays make it harder for people recently single. But for me, I'm kind of used to it.
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Warrior - I do think you are right. Sometimes timing is everything and if we rush it too much, well, we will settle. I'm kind of working on just developing myself now. Still recovering from a bad/sad break up. Have to find the real me again. Fearless - do you really think good heartedness attracts predatory types? I end up with one emotionally unavailable guy after another, but this last one could be downright cruel. I do think it is worse to be lonely in a relationship than lonely/alone. Anyway, it doesn't feel too different yet. Sometimes my ex-hu. was so uninvolved with the holiday 'chores' that it was like being alone, in a way. Paula, good luck with your tests! I will be thinking of you.
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I can relate, the last 3 guys I've met/dated were not "ready"!!!
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I don't believe there is a man for everyone .... that is a myth and it then presumes that it is our fault for being alone and not continuing to look. Well, sorry but I don't buy that anymore ... the same as I don't believe that having a good attitude prevents us from getting breast cancer. Life is not full of happy endings. And if that's what we pursue, many of us will continue to be disappointed and hurt. I'm at a stage where I have had breast cancer 2 different times even though I was positive it would never happen to me a second time. I will never feel confident or safe again. Over the years, I have dated a lot......I was lucky enough in my younger years to be attractive enough to make it easy to meet men. I married the wrong man and stayed married for almost 15 years. Had 3 kids. I never imagined that I would end up alone - figured at some point I would meet someone and have a loving relationship - married or not - didn't matter. But one relationship after another resulted in me being hurt. They turned out to be emotionally unavailable or liars even though I thought I was being careful. At one point, I took a break from dating. Went back when feeling stronger - met lots of men again - wasn't desperate, took my time .... was looking for a "good" guy ... finally thought I found one. Even checked him out with people who knew him. He pursued me. In the end, he turned out to be a big disappointment - a lot of hurt - and I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to be hurt again. Yes, I'm lonely. I have great kids and grandkids. Lonely is better than being hurt again. For whatever reason, as much as I wanted to have a partner in life, it is clear to me that it is not meant to be. And I'm not going to fight it anymore.
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