Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Thanks for the concern & good advice.
Hugs to all of you great ladies!!
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fearless I LOVE LOVE LOVE the breakdown of his profile... the more I know about the guy, the more I really think he is the one that caused the breakup of his marriage. He is so self-absorbed, and can't handle anything more than work and maybe 1 other thing going on at a time or he withdraws and treats people like crap. So I bet, not that it's an excuse at all, but from my experience with this guy, his wife felt unappreciated, unloved, lack of attention and affection and she looked elsewhere. He's not the charmer or catch he wants to be or wants people to think he is. I feel sorry for the next girl on the dating site that thinks wow he's got his shit together and I think I'd like to know more!
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DF, from you had told us about him, I agree. If I could tell men ONE thing and one thing only (if they want to keep their woman) it would be to NEVER let her feel unappreciated. Eventually, most women will walk in this scenerio. It may take years, but not many women will put up with feeling like that long term. At least not the women I have known. Even the most independent women want to feel loved and appreciated.
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I know you're so right... I know I even felt like I was last on his list and it was a new "relationship" that's when you should feel like nothing else matters to them but you !! He's a train wreck, and I'm so glad I'm done!
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DF, at least his jerkiness had nothing to do with breast cancer.
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Yeah, I mean I don't think he is a bad guy, but you would not have been happy with him, IMO. He would have been absent in the relationship - and that's worse than being single.
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Yeah you're right HRF, not to my knowledge anyway. I mean he seemed accepting of it but who knows. I think he's just a mess, and he's not my mess that's all that matters. I am perfectly fine on my own, so for me to be with someone they need to have a lot to offer and be a great addition to my life, not make me feel like I'm still single and add stress!
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Exactly.....and I'm sure you daughter doesn't want to see you stressed over some flakey guy....he is not emotionally healthy, either - having stayed with someone who lied and cheated on him. I dated a guy like that - had a pattern of dating women who cheated on him. I think I was the only woman he dated that never cheated on him - and I think it bored him, to be honest.
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Yeah you're probably right, I do know when we 1st started dating he said I'm not anything like anyone else he's dated. What was that his wife and maybe 1 other person? Not sure how he meant it exactly, if my memory is right he said something to the fact that I'm stable, and not covered in tattoos and piercings and have my shit together. I bored him, I'm not his type in reality, Which is fine, because he's not my type either. I can laugh at him now and think man that boy has issues, so much better than where I was a few months ago all sad and hurt and thinking I lost a great guy !!
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Hi girls-well here's my update for you all. I didn't hear anything from him for the remainder of the weekend. Of course I went against eveyone's advice and txtd him this morning. Just not my nature..I always need to have the last word even for my own sanity. My txt was short and sweet where have you been hope everything is ok, I was a little worried and then mentioned something about football. He responded immediately and said he was sorry eveything was ok things were hectic at home and needed a little break it was him I was good...he then told me that his mom asked about me, apparently we were spotted at a football game by one of his moms friends....basically he go a dose of old fashioned catholic guilt that hes not divorced yet I think that played a number on him for sure. im catolic too and when I got divorced the 'catholic guilt" of faiing etc ate me alive ..he did say he told her the truth about me... I need more details on that yet. do I take that as a good sign he filled her in about me, if he was looking to bolt wouldnt he have just made some story? Or am I wishful thinking here and grasping for straws?
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I hope you're right, but I'm a bit jaded and do the grasping for straws nonsens all the time. I'd keep looking, and not wait around for this guy. I think someone on here or another friend told me it's good to not date someone until they've been divorced a year. Then again the guy I'm talking about had been sperated a year or 2, and divorced a year and he's still a train wreck lol...
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CML - I would have texted too... I would want to know one way or another. If he still acts weird in a few days I would ask him what he wants and then decide to stick it out or move on. Everyones opinion is different but I like to KNOW and will ask very direct questions.
Best of luck
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CML, I would write him off. DF, I don't know about not dating someone for a year after a divorce, I don't think you can put a time limit on that type of thing - I would go more by how someone treats you rather than when their divorce was.
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I dated a guy right after my divorce and chemo (hair was less than an inch) and he was worried about being a rebound for me but we had a good 18 month relationship. I ended it bc i needed more out of the relationship (affection, etc...)... But he was the sweetest, kindest person I have ever dated. the kind of guy who opens doors, brings you coffee in bed and draws you a bath.
Karyn
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Yeah, I have dated men who were recently divorced that seemed to be looking for a relationship. You just have to go by how they treat you and how often they want to be with you. That will tell you all you need to know.
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Hi guys, I met a nice guy on match and it is going well so far! I feel good because we discovered that he used to work with my sister many years ago and she said he was a good guy. So far just three meetings, hike, church and dinner, hike and pizza. I like him!
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Hadley - the problem with texting is that you loose the ability to hear their voice or see their facial expression. I've interpreted stuff the wrong way and now I'm cautious with what i write. I do like texting because I tend to be more flirtatous and a little forward. Enjoy having fun and let us know how it goes.
Lovemy fam.... I met a noce guy on match and I also think "activity" type dates are fun ways to really get to know someone. we are going geocaching this weekend (like hiking...).
Karyn
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Thanks girls for all the support! I think for now I'm going to hang in there, deep down I know he is a good guy and it could be worth it but there is one strike. If I'm 100% honest I think I have done the same thing in the past...not proud of it nor does it make it right. Just going to proceed with caution, and look to re-establish some ground rules.
Hadley as for the txting I agree it can be a challenge-but to be honest I think sometimes you get more info out of the guy from txting than on talking on the phone. I actually look at it as the modern day love letter kinda corny but sometimes it holds true. Having said that there is nothing like hearing the voice....
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I agree, I like both forms of communication, talking and texting. I don't like where they only communicate over text. You do lose some of the emotion, you can twist things around or read them the wrong way so that part is hard.
Truly, hadley I agree about the ex part!
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Agree 100% on the ex part and that there needs to be both forms of communication
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Hey CM, just lending some sisterly support! I know it is tough to wait it out but, trite as it sounds, be your TRUE self and I am sure you will shine! xo
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Hadley, I would feel as you do. I would not like being interogated about what I look like and why my clothes are baggy. Sure, all men want to see a woman's figure, but he was awfully fast to judge and demand more pics.. Seemed like he could have been a bit more respectful.
CML, it is my personal opinion that you should write this guy off. But don't you have plans for the upcoming weekend? Or was that last weekend (when you didn't hear from him)?
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Hadley, I just now read this about the text exchange with the guy... I think I would of been a little put off by his response too. He says nothing about your face or how pretty you are or anything, then just wham straight to let me see your body and figure. See where his mind is at....
I'm not really sure what's up with the dating sites. I get NOOOOOO emails or responses to emails I send. I don't know what to do, that's not too great for self esteem. Now that I've moved to be closer to my job, I'm in a town a 1/3rd of the size as before. I went on match the other night like I said and saw the guy on there again. My profile is still hidden there, just not sure how I feel about that. I had a 3 month account on eharmony and NOTHING! What the heck???
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fearless the plans are for this weekend coming up... as of right now things are back into the normal routine. Not ready to throw the towel in maybe I'm being stupid, maybe he deserves another chance. I am not completely sure yet.
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CML, you most certainly are not stupid. It's hard when you like someone, of course you don't want to give up. I just have a low tolerance for guys who go too long without contact - I need lots of attention, lol!
DF, I don't know what it is - but I am a little confused as you said your profile is "hidden"? Try to forget that loser - I don't like how he went awol on you and just ignored you after coming on like he wanted to be with you. That was not right. You did not deserve to be ignored - try to remember how upset you were during that time.
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oh no worries fearless, I'm completely over him believe me
I was just saying I thought about unhiding my profile (it's active, not paid for, but no one can see it in their matches or search for it) on match.com but saw he's still on there so not sure I want to do that.He's totally a train wreck and I'm so happy for seeing him just like the "man" he is!!!
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Girl, let those men see your profile! No wonder you haven't met anyone, lol! They can't see you! I liked POF better than Match.
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I've been on POF all this time but nothing.... I edited my match one last night and am reactivating it now
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I had more luck on match than POF - both guys on both sites just takes time to weed them out.
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I don't know why I met more men on POF, I just did. I found more blue-collar types on POF, but I tend to date blue collar more. I just seem to have more in common with them.
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