Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Hi Twoputter
I honestly used to think there was something wrong with me too - here I was trying to make a relationship work when the 'chemistry' just wasn't there because I thought maybe if I tried it would come but it never did. You're not crazy at all. If it isn't there, it isn't there. I wasn't being too fussy I just knew it didn't feel right. Sometimes the personalities of the men were great but the chemistry was missing - it was frustrating. My husband has everything I'd ever looked for in a man - I never compromised and ended up with exactly what I wanted it's taken years and years but I knew that if I compromised, I'd end up being unhappy and divorced. My husband nursed his first wife through a brain tumour for 5 years. You'd think he'd run away from me - somebody having had cancer but he knew exactly what he was taking on and he's been amazing during any panics I've had plus still due to have reconstruction and he's amazingly supportive. Please don't give up just know how you want/need to feel about somebody and if it's not there it's not there and you're not crazy! xx
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Twoputter, the heart wants what it wants and that's okay that you aren't feeling it. At least that means you are strong enough to be alone and won't just be with someone just to avoid being alone - you see that a lot, in both men and women.
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I'm just tired of looking for "Mr. Right". He sure doesn't have to be perfect; I just have to love him. I guess I would like for my last years (who knows how many?) to be shared with someone. It may not happen, but not for lack of trying on my part. Thanks for your encouragement. Would not like myself if I settled.
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"He sure doesn't have to be perfect". I think those words are key - so many women are looking for a perfect man, and that doesn't exist. But someone to just treat you right and make you laugh and be there for you - that can be found, I am certain.
I'm either a Hopeless Romantic or dumb as a post - but I don't want to ever give up (although there are times I get discouraged and take lengthy breaks).
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Hmmm.... lol I am leaning towards that man does NOT exist! I have tons of guy friends that treat me right and make me laugh but no love! Maybe it's my fault, the guys seem interested at first. Do I scare them away? Am I too jaded from the past? I don't know, but I'm being me, and don't know if honestly I'll find something. The search is exhausting and a real damper on self esteem.
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It can be exhausting, yes. But you are significantly younger than me, so your chances are even better than mine - and still I am not ready to give up. I doubt you scare them - you are a quality lady, and an attractive one - if that scares them, good riddance.
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I really think my care free attitude, independence, and self sufficient lifestyle/attitude is not attractive to most guys, maybe it's intimidating. Again, that's me, can't/won't change, for the right guy those things will be a plus. I guess I just don't see why none of the guys see what you guys see? On match and plenty of fish I don't get hardly any messages or response.
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Some men do feel threatened by strong women, that is true. But I agree with you that you should never change for someone. You are awesome just how you are - and trust me, the right guy will find that very attractive.
On-line dating is tough. I don't have an answer to your question, except to say that I men a lot of troubled men on those sites. I wouldn't use their responsiveness (or lackthereof) as a good barometer.
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You know that is so very true, look at the last guy I dated from there. I mean he's still on there looking, and he's a true train wreck! lol...
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Dragonfly - I'm betting you find someone. Yo're very attractive and clearly articulate. The right guy won't be intimidated by your strength; he'll appreciate it. I told the one guy I met online "goodbye" tonight. He was very nice, played golf which I enjoy, and was willing to take on the cancer journey despite having lost one woman to it. Chemistry wasn't there; he was disappointed, and I hated to hurt him, but felt like it wasn't fair to just hold on to him knowing I didn't feel that special something that would allow me to love him eventually. It's tough finding the right someone. It's happened to me a couple of times, so maybe I'm pressing my luck to want it again.
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Twoputter, you did the right thing. There is nothing crueler than leading someone on. You have freed him to find someone who can love him, and freed yourself to find someone you can love.
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Fearless one .......I have to agree with you.......there are too many people that do just lead others on......it is so upsetting. I've seen it with too many over my years!
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I am feeling very grateful for finding a new gentleman friend who likes and appreciates my strength. It feels freeing.
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I didn't want to say anything so afraid I might mess it up by just "Saying something"! hehee
BUT anyway.......I did meet a guy.....we have dated five times now.....he is such a sweetheart!!! Not the normal type guy I have usually dated! We laugh so much when we are together......and yes, I told him, I didn't think he would even want to date me in the first place knowing that I am about to go into surgery for nodes on my lungs this next Thursday! Our first date was right when I was finding out my blood work was high for CEA levels and the oncologist started all these tests.......He was like.......silly girl, I am not going anywhere......everything will be alright, we just need to take it one day at a time and enjoy being together...........(Where the hell did he come from???? heheee
I go into surgery Thursday morning, the surgeon is going to remove nodes that they found in my lungs above my heart.....so yea, I am scared! Jim calls me, txts me every morning, and every night.....checks on me all the time! This evening he called me and asked me if I would go to supper with him tomorrow night, and that would help me relax and get away from thinking about all of it for an evening before I had to face getting ready for the surgery!!
He is just so sweet!!!! And yes, he is good looking and I am attracted to him......just trying not to get too close to him too fast...... and praying things keep going the way they are so we do get to know each other better. I am just amazed he hasn't ran!!! heheeSo.......there!! I told ya'll
Hugs to all of you........hopefully I will feel good enough to check in on Thursday evening and let ya'll know how the surgery went. If not, maybe over the weekend.
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Paula wishing you very well on Thursday!!!
Yeah for you on the new guy! I hope you find lots of happiness with him. Does he have a brother???
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FLwarrior......thank you!! As a matter of fact he does......he lives in Okla... Should I see if I can set ya up> heheeheee
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Hey ladies, just checking in.... all is quiet here on the boy/dating scene! Guess that is good, means no broken heart
I heard this great saying today " Never let your tears & sensitivity blind you. If someone hurt you, they showed you who they truly are. Move on, stay strong" This is such a perfect saying, and made me think back...
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I agree DF, GREAT saying. I've been quiet too. Grieving the loss of my best friend Chubs. He'd be 18 years old on christmas eve. Best friend I ever had was my dog Chubs. Just wanted to say hey to all you great ladies. Kiley
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Hi ladies,been awhile since I've been on here, but I've read your posts.
Sorry so many seem to still be healing from broken hearts and some seem to have given up on finding love. Only you can know your heart and where you are right now, but I pray that you will again find a way to open up your heart to love.
I know all about being broken hearted and thinking that maybe somehow I just wasn't meant to find true love. I was married for 11 years to a grear guy, we had been friends for 5 years before we married. Still a great guy, but we mistook great friendship for great love and eventually grew apart. I loved this man, but looking back I can now admit that I was never really "in love" with him, not the way your suppost to be, or the way I wanted to be. Right after divorce completly fell head over heals in love with a man that I had just started working with. Had all the butterflies, couldn't stop thinking about him, envisioned a future with him, was totally consumed by love for him, Unfortunantly so consumed that I didn't or didn't want to see all the red flags with his behavior. Like many of you have said, he was so the aggresive one in the relationship at first, telling me how much he loved me, that I was the only women he had really ever loved, that he had waited his whole life for me, yada yada yada. Of course once he got me, it all changed and I found myself being hurt over and over again and coming pretty close to losing my mind. Then BC hit and finally I put myself first and left what had turned into an emotionally abusive relationship. I was still completely in love with this man, but I knew I could never survive cancer if I was emotionally dead. Shortly after leaving this relationship, a man that I had briefly dated a year earlier started coming around. At first he was just a supportive friend with my cancer. I had always been attracted to this man, and I had never laughed so much with someone or had as much fun with someone, but I didn't initally feel that overwhelming love that I had for the previous jerk. For some reason I thought that this meant that the new guy wasn't the one. It took me a couple of months but one day I looked at this new man/my old friend and realized that for the first time in my life I had found true love. Not a comfortable relationship or and addiction, but a true love and have grown more and more in love with this man everyday. I can't imagine my life without him and I can't imagine every being with another man. He is the love of my life, my soul mate and I never saw him coming.
That's him in my avatar, Mr. super sexy. We plan on marrying in the next year and honestly, even with this past year of BC, I have never been happier in my life.
The moral of this story is, be careful if you give up-you never know what's right around the corner.
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Survivor, that is a wonderful story! May I ask how he reappeared in your life? Did he find you on-line or something?
Kiley, I am so sorry about Chubs. ((HUGS)) Have been there, it's so hard to lose a pet.....
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So sorry to hear that Kiley, I know that's hard to deal with. Pets are so special! I bet Chubs had a great life with you! We moved for my job a couple months ago. Our 1 cat we'd had for 4 1/2 years or so ran off, then my daughters fish died this weekend, and our other cat she found Monday, it has been hit by a car
we've always had some sort of pet so it's quite the empty feeling 0 -
God bless all my bc sisters in life and in love. Kiley, so sorry about Chubbs. What kind was he? Yea Dawn! So happy for you Paula M. blessings for thursday and to anyone I didn't mention. xo
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Fearlessone-we work together and had remained friends. It's funny that sometimes you find that the one thing you've been looking for has been right infront of you the whole time.
Let me just say again, he is wonderful., Sexy, handsome, strong, kind, generous, loving, supportive, funny-everything I could have ever dreamed of.
Wishing all of you love and laughter through your journeys.
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Survivor , so very happy for you! Yes is funny how something we're looking for may be right in front of you happened that way for me as well. Wishing you well survivor. SO very happy for you! Kiley
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Paula, so happy you found some one who is making you happy! Your post just bubbles off the page!Hoping all goes well with your tests today. Please let us know. Yes, my home is very empty with out Chubs. I was so blessed to have him in my life. He was my constant companion for 17 years. That unconditional love.........He is forever in my heart and mind,,,,,,,,,So very sorry DF for the loss of your kitty and fish, not a good weekend for pets, sadly. Kiley
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God bless you, too, lovemyfamilysomuch!
DF, is the cat still alive?
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Sadly no Fearless!
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Survivor - Such a great story and one I hope to repeat. I am reading a book on abusive relationships and you described the typical emotionally abuse pattern to a 'T'. Just coming off of one and my head is still spinning. Talked to a friend today who knew 'us' - it's hard to convey what that type of man can do to confuse you and cause you to lose your identitity and trust in yourself! So happy for you that you have found someone who sounds wonderful. Sounds like this one started out just as they can when they are so promising. A marriage based on friendship - Imagine that
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I still get amazed at how so many kind, beautiful and insightful women get treated so badly by so many men out there....
DF, I am so sorry about your kitty - I am a huge cat lover. I have a 15 pounder.
Hrf, are you doing okay? Haven't seen you.....
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It is amazing and sad. Again with my reading the authors do talk about some of the reasons for it but one also touched on the cultural factors that contribute to women being used or mistreated. Women must truly guard their hearts (and their bodies), much more than I ever knew. I truly don't think I am becoming cynical but rather realistic. Now that our bodies and spirits have gone through so much and we have become hopefully stronger, there is much to guard. Men are not the enemy, but they are different. And some have no hearts. And some have hearts but feel it is our job to stand up for ourselves and if we don't well...........it's not their fault.
It is nice though to hear some of the lovely stories. I'm sure we will hear more.
Hey - exchange surgery tomorrow with aug. and possible lift on the 'good' breast. Scared but resting. Mom taking me. It will be good to get this behind me.
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