Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Kathleen, thank you so mich. Everyone else for that matter. I guess I have that fear of rejection and Pre-plan that in my head before I meet new guys. I need to get over that and just have fun. It's hard for sure to do. Great support or cheerleaders here on this thread
Fearless.... You are so very right.0 -
DF - Since I'm getting out a little, I do think less about exboyfriend. Last night was pretty good. He seems like a nice guy. I told him about the wig and BC because he had commented about how he liked my hair in the picture online before we met. He didn't seem deterred. Asked how I was doing. We are going to go out again and then I'll know better if there's a connection. He's cute and polite and at first blush does seem to be a decent guy. We didn't laugh a lot...but it's still early. Will keep you posted.
KMCcraw...give it a try. It's about attitude...what do we have to lose? You may get rejected a few times, but you may also reject a few. It's almost like a numbers game. I'm not sure I'll find the right guy, but not for lack of trying. At least for now...I go through stages where I want to find someone and then times when I give up.
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Wow, I guess I am more reserved than most. There is no way I would be comfortable telling a guy my medical history that soon.
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I'm with you on this one fearless, I'm not comfortable with it nor do I feel it's necessary. That's just me though and how I feel.
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Oh DF, I'm so glad your going to get back out there! We are all afraid of rejection, so very afraid. But I think the first step is to get back out there, have a nice dinner and see if their is a connection! Very good start! Seems as if men find it so easy to just get back out there. I know my former husband had a woman waiting for him as soon as we, or before we even ended our marriage! He took no down time as we women often do. So glad you had a nice time twoputter, I hope you find a connection with him. Kathleen, I do so know the fear of putting yourself out there, thes woman, on this thread helped me So much when I started! It is a very different situation going thru th breast cancer trip as a single lady......My only constant thru was my dog Chubs.......He is gone. Yesterday was one week and I am grieving. The man I've been seeing seems to be pulling away....that is okay I guess.....but in my mind a red flag. This thread is very important IMO for us single ladies going thru this BC thing alone, once again, Thank you Fearless for starting it!
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If you think you're seeing a red flag, you are. Listen.......
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Kiley, why do you say he's pulling away? That's not good
I agree, I love this thread it's a great help.0 -
Mybee33 - Youre exactly right. Often when there is a red flag we are in denial. I have a friend who says if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, its a duck...
K
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Is it always? I saw red flags with loser boy, but I think I tried to convince myself I was just being paranoid...
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I posted a few pages back that I found myself finding 5 things (D) should do at his house instead of being at mine. He may be just responding to that. To be honest with you DF I've always felt starting a relationship with someone, I'm stage 4, was a bit selfish. I am (D"s) Friend. Whatever happens in our relationship, that is my priority....I am so grieving the loss of my Chubs and I know he is as well so maybe better we each grieve in our own way, for now.....I grieve by shuting down, he grieves by staying "mind boggleing busy". I just don't have the energy. So only time will tell. I've got shaking chill at this moment, so contemplating hot bath or heated blanket on high, oh well..... Kiley
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The hardest thing in life is to ask the question you don't want to hear the answer to. As in, "you seem distant, what's going on?" I once did not hear from a boyfriend for several days following a perioid of talking everyday. When he henmed and hawed I asked him if he was breaking up with me and his reponse was "no baby, I just need my space." I told him he could have all the space he needed - anywhere but near me! Never heard from him again. I love men but sometimes you could just scream.
Once I get my health under control, I will put myself out there - any suggestions?
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That's a great response. I have learned a few man repelling lines too. They are nice 'tests'. Saves time.
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Kiley -I don't know if you should feel selfish about your Stage IV. I mean, you have enough going on without feeling selfish. If he knows your status and decides to be in your life, he is in essence being strong, IF he's being supportive and relatively consistent. I don't think you need to take responsibility for his decision to be with you. It does complicate your interactions, yes. Your focus, as you said, needs to be on you. But friends are nice along the way. I think Kathleen may be right tho' that some conversation may be just the thing.0
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Kiley, what specifically has he done that makes you say he is "pulling away"?
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Work-crush asked me to happy hour for Friday . The bad news is I googled him and he is too young for me. Boo.
I am 46 and he is only 41 which means he is probably used to dating 35 year olds and I just can't compete with that.
I never bothered to check his age because I didn't think he really noticed me.
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Fearless, I think it is me, I am pulling away, because I do not have the energy to keep up with myself, aside from keeping up with his pace. I do not like people to see me this way. I am stumbling and struggling at this moment. I do not like him to see me this way. He calls, He emails every day and its only been since Sunday since I've seen him. He has made plans again for us to go over to Grants Pass to look and play with some rescue dogs and out to eat, later this week. So, we will see. Hopefully I can pull myself together, by then. For now it is something I feel in my heart......Kiley
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Kiley, yeah, it doesn't sound as if he is pulling away at all. You know, you are still grieving your beloved pet. That brings to surface all kinds of emotions and you may see things in a way that they really aren't because you are grieving.
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Oh Fearless, Go out to Happy Hour with him ! It would get you out there and who knows, you might meet someone just getting out! I say go for it fearless!!!!! Kiley
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You read my mind Kiley.... take your own advice, it's just happy hour, I'll go to dinner tomorrow if you go to happy hour Friday
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Fearless, forget the age thing. It doesn't matter at this stage of life.
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Fearless - He is NOT too young for you. He is the perfect age for you.
Kiley - When my last relationshhip was winding down after 4 years, I began to feel I didn't want him to see me like this either. In part that was because I knew he was not a kind and sympathetic man. But I also wanted to focus on what was happening with me, with the reconstruction and the cancer and everything. I wanted to simplify. Sometimes I don't know who was causing which fights. But there was a lot of conflict and I do believe that some of it was me pushing him away. The situations are different I know (your man sounds much nicer and your stage is different), but sometimes things are too personal................or we just need our own time.............or whatever.
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fearless - he wouldn't have asked you out if he thought you were too old. Age is a state of mind. Go for it!
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See, I think it does matter. I am looking to marry and settle down. Statistically, men rarely marry older women. That's just the way it is. You may meet someone every now and then that has,but it's rare (Ashton and Demi would be a rare case).
They often like them to date or bang, but they rarely marry them.
But I might still go, it's just for a drink.
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Well you never know about this guy... Besides its happy hour right? Is it a group of people going or just you 2? I think statistics are for the birds... If they were legit I'd be moving to Alabama
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It's me and one other lady that was in the room (but I think he is not interested to her). Yeah, I'll probably go. But I generally don't hang with younger guys, I usually prefer them 8-10 years older. Mid-50's is perfect for me.
What was the link where you took the quiz that said what state you should move to to meet someone?
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I have been thinking this morning, that 2 of my friends have met guys on dating sites lately. Great guys, and completely opposite of anyone they've ever dated or their "type".... So maybe that's the problem? We look for a certain type of person or are normally drawn to the wrong kind over and over... Who knows? Anyways, it will be great for you to go
If I decide to go to dinner tonight you can do happy hour. At least there is a 3rd person with you!! Lol.... It wasn't a quiz, I had been on a dating site called okcupid and I got an automated email generated from them with this map showing the best and worst states for me to find a man! 0 -
It's nothing to do with type. I am 46. I am not looking for a good bang or to casually date . I just know that men marry younger. Look around at the couples you know and ask youself how many of their wives are older than them. I'm talking married couples, not just couples dating and having sex.
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Fearless - my dearest friend is married to a man that is 12 years younger than her and they have been happily married for quite a while now. I know another woman that is married to a man even more younger than her. And, I've dated a few men that ar 6-7 years younger than me. Enjoy it, go to the happy hour. You can't look at every man to see if he is the one you want to marry...it is not that simple, you have to get out and have fun.
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Sadly I think you have to casually date a few men to even get remotely close to finding someone you'd want to marry.... I dont mean all at once just over time. I think I've become too jaded on the whole thing. I don't even see marriage as an option or desire of mine. I just want to have fun, go out, not stress over if I'm impressing the person or of there is potential or sparks or blah blah blah... That's why I tend to just stick to my circle of friends, it's safe.
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Fearless, age only matters if you make it an issue. Don't even think about it.
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