Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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There are so many similar stories. What is it with men? I'm not saying every date turns into a relationship but why can't they be totally honest. It's lying that is harder. If the guy isn't interested, then he should just say so. We make the mistake when the guy still won't commit after a few months and we continue to date them.
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You nailed it with the last sentence HRF, it's our willingness to put up with their crap that stinks
I kept thinking that guy would cancel but not yet anyway... I told you its a small town right? A guy from work just told me him and 3 other guys are going for dinner and drinks tonight... Of course to the same
Place I am supposed to be at!0 -
Hadley, I also want to give you a virtual hug ((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))) being an adult child of alcoholics makes one question everything. I should know, I'm one too. You deserve everything good sweetie.
I am fortunate in my marriage in that my husband loves me and just did not care about anything else. That said, I' ve never shown him my reconstructed breast and it's been four years. I'm jst not OK with that and do not know if I can ever be until I am finished. I still lack a nipple, have insurance troubles, cannot afford to get myself prophied and matched...etc., etc.,
I think all the ladies that are trying to date, well, if you have lived past 26 or so, it has rained on everyone. Everyone has scars. Everyone has issues. They may be different, but we all have them.
BC can be very useful in weeding out the jerks....if someone has a problem with it, well, don't let the door hit him on the way out of it. Consider it an EZ pass to kick a jerk to the curb before you waste any time on him.
Hugs again Hadley......(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I wish you all peace and joy and love.
xoxo
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DF, Small towns have benefits that the big city doesn't have ... but then also the vice-versa ..... but somehow men are men regardless of where they live. I like the sound of this new guy. He's made the date - a beer - not dinner, which I think is good. And he's not getting all intense before he meets you. No need for any communication until you meet. Sounds healthy. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Sunangel, hope you hear from him but from my experience the first time you feel that excruciating pain in your gut that tells you something is wrong .... usually is the beginning of the end ... usually - not always.
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So this date was MUCH better than the other night. He is super easy to talk to, he's a cutie, a real gentleman and funny as heck..... We'll see what happens. We were there for 3 hours, and talked a lot and had dinner after all with a couple beers. He said we'd have to do this again sometime so I'll leave that up to him. If anything he's a potential friend to hang out with.
Is any follow up on my part a good idea or what?? I never really know...
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I vote for a "thank you for the nice evening" - to be sent tomorrow morning. Then it's up to him. Regardless of what happens, sounds like a successful evening.
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DF, I'm so happy you had a great evening ! Cheers ! Kiley
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Thank you Kiley
At least it was a nice night out and great conversation! I'm so anxious to hear from Sunangel... xo
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Yes, there are honest men out there, I have dated them. My last guy was honest. Hrf nailed it when she said we continue to date them even with lack of commitment - then we say "what happened"? 2 months is my max from now on. If they don't know by then, I'm done with them.
DF, don't contact him. If he is interested, he will contact you.
Sunangel, please don't waste another precious moment of your heart with this guy. He will not give you what you want. I guess it was over the minute you saw him still on-line.
Annie, I totally understand. I wouldn't want to show mine, either, until they were completed.
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DF...so happy for you. Really a good sign that you could talk so easily. One of my criteria is that I can visualize myself talking to the guy over breakfast and having something to talk about. And I don't mean anything about sex or spending the night, just a nice conversation over breakfast talking about regular stuff.
Sunangel...I think online dating is like shooting fish in a barrel for the guys...way to easy to resist.
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Thank you twoputter, I totally agree.
It all comes down to that, you can go have fun, have great sex, or what not buy if you can't sit and carry on a conversation you'll be miserable. Or sometimes that silence is good and just being in their company.0 -
He txted me and apologized... said we would if I wanted to take it one day at a time and he isn't looking.....he did meet women on there who he is still friends with. He said he told me and I didn't seem to mind it the night he said it. So I told him we would see........right now I have all the things going on with the breast cancer specialist next Wednesday now again... and I think I am just going to leave everything as it is and not worry about it. I have to get strength for what I might be facing again.......breast cancer. (They found three nodes under my arm now, so gotta go thru more tests..........
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Paula, I am so very sorry to hear you may be facing breast cancer again. Please keep us informed and up to date. I will be thinking of you. It is so hard to go this alone and without someone to live with, confide in, etc. Talk to us.
Molly
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Paula, so sorry to hear this, please know I'm thinking and praying for you ! We're here for you...........Hugs, Kiley
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Sunangel, my prayers are with you that it isn't bc.....as for that guy, you may want to re-think any kind of intimacy with him while he is "not looking" if his profile is still up. As far as I'm concerned, if their profile is not hidden, they are still looking.
Not trying to tell you what to do - just friendly advice as far as what I would do.... :-)
DF, I am sure he will call you.....sounds like it went great!
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I put myself on a dating site and am meeting a man for a drink tomorrow. I am not looking for great love just something to do. I put myself on the site on impulse, probably a mistake but it kept popping up on my FB pg.
I am currently quite unhappy with my exchange and surgery I hope I can find something to wear tomorrow. Still exhausted.
I agree with Fearless on all counts.
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Have a great time on your outing tomorrow night. If anything hopefully it wil be a fun relaxing night out, and lift your spirits
He did text me today and said "Just wanted to say thanks for your time last night. I enjoyed it...."0 -
Mybee, let us know how it goes! That is great that you are going ....
Sorry about the exchange - I have heard it can take some time for the implants to settle into the pockets the way they are supposed to.
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My implant is already so low that if it settles lower it will be down by my navel. Never have I ridden so low. Big mistake having a 60 yr. old PS.
I've been cryng all day. Trivial I know but disappointing. You wait so long with that stupid TE. I trusted the Dr. to know what he was doing.
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Molly, not trivial at all. Regardless of what anyone says, our breasts are part of our body - and when they are gone it's a huge loss on so many levels. While recon does not replace what we lost it can go a long way towards making us feel better about ourselves. So what is the next step to get this fixed?
DF, so glad the evening went well.
Paula, waiting for results again is painful ... unfortunately have been in that situation - 3 1/2 years following 1st dx. But nodes may not be malignant so don't jump to conclusions yet. Guy definitely seems to be pulling back - when they say one day at a time after being close I suspect something is going on. There was an interesting letter in the relationship column in today's paper. This woman wrote about her 6 week relationship with a great guy and how close they were etc. Then he had to go away for work all of a sudden and didn't tell her so she sent him texts telling him how upset she was. Then when he came back he didn't make plans with her on a weekend and she told him what she thought of that .... etc. bottom line, she now hasn't heard from him for 2 weeks and she's wondering what happened because they both said they wanted committed relationships....response was that she was pushing too much and probably pushed him away. The columnist said that 6 weeks is too short a time for a commitment. Anyway, for whatever it's worth thought I'd share.
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I will get a second opinion, wait it out.
Interesting story.
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Thank you all. I am so tired of all this, but know that as they say.....cancer is the gift that keeps on giving....as a few women on another thread say.....I'm just tired of it giving, even if it is scares!!
Well he kept texting me today.....apologized and said he was so sorry he put me thru this. Said he wouldn't be on there anymore.... Said the only thing he has said to the women that emailed him was that he was seeing someone and wouldn't date anyone else while he was dating her.... He said he was being polite, and didn't think it was that big of a deal, but realized it was to me. He didnt' want to upset me He said he would be here with me thru everything, and said not to worry about us......we would be ok. The one day at a time thing was he didnt' want me worring about us, when I should be concentrating on getting better. So I dont' believe I will be having sex with him until I am SURE, but I will continue to see him for now. I have to give him a chance .
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hrf......I don't want to push him away.....and I know by what he said the other day he is scared as I am........he said he was scared of putting his all into one woman when every time he did it went to sHits soon after for some reason or another. He has a young daughter and of course wants to be able to trust someone with her around. I only see him when he doesn't have her right now......it's too soon for both of us. I won't even introduce him to anyone in my family yet....
mybee hang in there sweety!!
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Mybee, definitely get a 2nd opinion. I am so sorry you are not happy - recon sucks! I am not happy, either. He did a good job on the implants, but the nipples are messed up.
Sunangel, that is good that he said he will remove his profile - make sure he has.
Hrf, I feel badly for that woman - not heard from him in 2 weeks? Stick a fork in that relationship, it is done. Yeah, we often think we "push" them away, but in my experience, that generally is not really what happens. We just tend to blame ourselves.
DF, did you respond to that guy?
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Fearless - I did, I said thank you, I had a great time! So it's in his court...
Mybee - As for recon I'd definitely seek getting something done to repair what your previous surgeons has done if you're not happy. I had my DIEP recon done in New Orleans and am for the most part thrilled! Although I have been called to heavy, little do they know huh
As for the nipples fearless I too had mine done and hate them they are almost flattened completely. I did talk to my surgeon but I'm not sure I'm interested in a second attempt at them just yet.
Sunangel - Glad he's responding and does feel bad an understands how you feel. Time will tell if he truly takes his profile down or of he's a good guy. Proceed with caution but enjoy it. You need to have some fun0 -
Mybee, so sorry you are feeling sad about the procedure. Sometime these docs just don't get how complex the whole bc thing is. xo
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Sunangel, hope he comes through for you.
Mybee, hope you can find someone who will repair the problem
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I agree that it is hard to "push" someone away who is into you. It is easy to "push " someone away who is into himself. Unless a man is 18-19, it just doesn't make much sense.
I think I was being very emotional yesterday for a number of reasons. Sometimes something hits you and you realize anew that you really had/have BC, that they really cut off your breast(s), that they are still continuing to cut into you for the sake of making you 'normal', which you will never be in the same way again. Sometimes it hits you all.....over.....again.
I think it is harder to date like this, which is why I am on this thread. BC sucks.
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I have a second opinion scheduled for next week. I am going to try and be positive and productive today.
luv.
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Mybee, I agree - it is so traumatic. But the good news is they can fix almost anything with regard to recon. It just sucks to have to have more down time. But I am sure someone will be able to help you get the results you want and deserve.
DF, that's cool - hopefully he will ask you out in the next day or two...
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Molly, how did the date go? I hope it went well....
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