Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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DF, I'm sorry....but sounds like you are meeting people and it's only a matter of time until you totally click with someone.
Molly, he is still crying over his ex, I would definitely move on. Unless you just want to be friends with him. He certainly sounds as if he could use a friend.
Kward, sounds like he has a drinking problem. I agree with DF, 1 or 2 is plenty.
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Still glad you're all getting out there! How many do we have to sift through to find an honest, stable guy who is attractive and not all about himself?
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Beware the "attractive" ones. But Twoputter, they are out there. There are good men.
a) put yourself out there
b) don't ignore flags or stay in a dead-end situation for too long
c) give the less attractive ones a chance - IMO, the good-looking ones are nothing but trouble,
d) go by a man's actions, not his words.
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#4 on Fearless' list is very critical. Words are easy. "Attractive" is in the eyes of the beholder. When the personality shines through the eyes and there is an easy smile -- that add a lot to the attractiveness.
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Hrf, I totally agree. I guess what I meant was I avoid "conventionally" attractive men. Besides, I don't want some guy who spends more time at a gym than he does working or reading or doing other things.
I am pretty biased because I live in a city where people are pre-occupied with appearances. I've dated short men, fat men, men losing their hair....I just don't care. They all had something that attracted me to them. I"ve dated hot guys, too - they made the worst boyfriends.
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Well as all of us ladies know, looks and body changes/image come and go, we are still the same amazing people and even stronger. So as looks change and fade the personality needs to be what holds your attraction and heart.
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SO so very true hrf
So so true!!!!!! 0 -
mybee.....I would run if he cried over someone else within 10mins of talking to me for the first time.......but look at what I haven't run from, so who am I to talk huh?! heheee
So sorry DF......keep on taking apps........seems like the men do!! Why not US?? heheee
kward it soooooooooo is strange!!!!! I am seeing Jim on Monday evening......he says he wants me to meet his brother who is coming in from Okla......hhmmm why would you want anyone to meet your family if you didn't want them around for awhile.....and only them?? seems strange to me....... I guess I am just still a little non trusting!! heheee Good luck next week kward......6 is a bit much for me seeing a guy have on a first date!!
Twoputter........your guess is as good as mine!!!! I have NO clue how many, but I know I am getting tired of it all.......real quick.......
I so agree with you fearless and you too hrf
It seems like I always look at the guys eyes........but dam they have fooled me so much the last few.......DF that is so true.......I have dated, and been married to different types......as Fearless, and it doesn't matter what they look like it is what they have INSIDE that counts when the day ends!
Hugs ladies.......praying we all finally one day meet that one man perfect for US!
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Ok wow.... I just have to say I know I'm not a skinny chic but not obese by any means. Remember the guy I met online that I had a lot of fun with the other night? Well I never heard from him again, and I logged onto POF tonight and saw that he was online so I read back over his profile again. He added a whole section about who he's looking for. There is a part in there about wanting a skinny girl, and not interested in a full figure person!!
Nice huh?
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Oh my. Looks like you got out in time, really. Insensitivity is not for you!!
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No kidding, I mean we all want what we want. I've just never been too hung up on looks. Tall, short, skinny, few extra, whatever.... Oh well I don't need someone shallow.
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DF........some men suck like that!!!! Only want a "trophey" not a woman.......best he don't contact you again!!! You are a real woman no matter what "size" you are....
Exactly.....you DON'T need someone shallow!!!!!
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DF, you dodged a bullet with that guy. He's too shallow to see a good thing right in front of him -- he's probably also overly critical and has many other flaws. Interesting in that I've noticed many men who write they want "thin" women - well sorry bud -- not everyone looks like Angelina Jolie - nor do we want to --- who needs him? You got a good dinner out of it -- now you are moving on. DF, here's another chapter for your book.
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You're all right in that looks isn't the most important thing. Guess I like a man with a great smile; to me it usually means he has a positive attitude to go along with it. I don't mind a man with a few extra pounds on him. I have a few extra pounds and I figure they'll be more understanding of that. Meeting a guy for coffee this morning. He's a widower; his wife died from non-small cell lung cancer. Haven't told him about BC yet. We'll see how it goes...
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You are so right HRF, some people are all about looks. I want a lot more than that for sure! I know if he's that shallow could you imagine if I'd told him about my BCand scars? Makes me less and less optimistic of finding a good man though
Good luck twoputter, I am hoping you at least have a good time and enjoy coffee0 -
DF I have seen men's profiles say they only want blondes, short women, thin women, etc. I think that is a bad sign when a man is so picky. You can be so many things and still be attractive.
When I go on-line I am going to have full-body shots in addition to facial shots. I am not big, but I am not skinny (about a size 10/12 ?) and I want to rule out the guys looking for skinny-minis.
Sunangel, that is good that he wants you to meet his brother...
Twoputter, good luck!
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Since there are more women then men out on the sites, for the men it is like shooting fish in a barrel. They can have their "dream" woman. For us, I think we look more at their character especially after what we've been through. It's just not easy...but still hopeful.
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Twoputter, I agree. Sad, but true.
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Twoputter - Its funny, bc guys I've met will say the opposite. They think it is easier for a girl to get a date than a guy. I agree, that it takes work - Out of every 10 guys I may be interested in and "wink" or email, I may hear from 3 or 4. My brother in law says "dating is all about numbers" so I have been on 20 first dates since the spring and dated a few guys for a few months. The last guy didn't have his finances in order and we were at different points in our lives.
I've got two dates lined up this week. One from match - we have emailed for a few weeks, and the other is the brother of my sisters friend.
Karyn
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It is easier for men to meet women. They just tend to move on faster than women, in my experience. Culturally, it is what they are taught to do. Whereas we can cry to our girlfriends and that is okay. Women tend to mourn the end of relationships longer, IMO.
Men are also less picky. As long as they are sexually attracted to the woman, they aren't as picky about how smart she is, what she does for a living, or even how kind she may be. I'm not saying they don't care about those things, but women care more.
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Update...the man I met for coffee was nice. Conversation was pretty easy. I would have seen him again but he didn't say "I'll call you" or "let's meet again" so don't think he cared for me. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Anyway, I talked to another guy last night. We'd been trying to connect via phone for a few days. I was gone when he called and vice versa. Turns out we both belong to singles golf organization but hadn't met. We have a friend/acquaintance in common so I'm sure he'll ask her about me. That's okay; she is a nice woman. We are meeting for a drink on the Plaza (nice shopping district) Friday night. He was super easy to talk to and we have golf in common. He even asked what I was doing New Year's Eve, but I had already made plans with a friend...a man I'd met online who turned out to be a friend rather than a match. Going for herceptin today so will be tired tonight. Other than that not too many side effects.
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Look at you go girl, impressive
I have good intentions of meeting guys, I just haven't had the time lately. I've been gone the last 2 weekends. Last night I went and did a huge surprise for my girl, and got her the only thing she asked for, for Christmas..... a puppy! So we are having a ton of fun! At least now I have a man in the house lol 0 -
A puppy! How wonderful! What kind is it?
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Ladies - Click on the above and let me know what you think. I am on a dating site now for people over 50+. I am amazed by the number of weirdos I seem to be getting. And this even tho I delete the vast majority of contacts I get. Also (after you read the above) - how else would we meet men?
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The last guy I had some sig. email contact w/ gave me a last response something like this: I like your openness............. I like hearing some of your history..........your spiritual quality...........I want to learn all about you...........and gave me his home email. This man is in my professional circle, has a doctorate, I was able to goggle him and found him legitimately successful. His email however definitely read like an emotional predator. I deleted him. It rattled me quite a bit.
I met my former BF on a dating site. I signed onto it after I found several couples in my church had met on dating sites. He was a real charmer who turned out to be mentally/emotionally abusive in a very subtle way. He took 4 years of my life, that I could have spent looking for someone decent. He wanted someone to do things with, be an escort, have sex and make him look good at functions. He did a lot for me, took me travelling, remodelled my house, but what he DID NOT want was to be a life partner and make a family with my children, despite his talk of marriage, taking care of me, etc. This talk of 'we' continued right up to the end! I have a friend who knows us both who thinks he was just telling me what I wanted to hear the whole 4 years. It is frightening that I could have been taken in like this. I wish I wouldn't have signed up on this latest site; I paid for it now and don't know what to do. I find I don't trust any of them.
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Good link Molly. Thank you for posting it ! I think the most important thing molly is that you take care of you Molly. Give yourself time to heal. Not just physically but emotionally. We often are better advocates for others,than takeing care of ourselves. I like the way twoputter approaches this, out to coffee and reflection, than on to others if no connection. I think " Actions" speak volumns, and it takes time with a person to see if that pans out. First you have to "find" a person you trust, or think you trust, than see what happens from there. That is why I put friendship first when looking to go into a relationship. Coming out of a long marriage, being the strong one through out. When my health went south, so did he. Big Hit in the gut. My life took a complete 360. I've been left picking up the pieces ever since. That is why my " friend" is so important to me. And that took time, We've known each other 3 years. I will never be the person I was before Breast Cancer, never. So, for me finding a person who accepted me for who I am now is still somewhat surreal......I am so emotionally and physically spent at times, but he just seems to roll with it ....... That is what I need. It takes a long time to find out what we need, most the time we never even think about cause life just happens....Sorry for th novel, just needed to throw some things out there..............Best Wishes to All of You ! DF, sooo happy you got puppy! Kiley
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mybee333 - Have you ever read the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker? If not, I highly recommend it. The fear he talks about is our woman's intuition. It is real. We have to teach ourselves to listen to it when It's talking. It could be you having second thoughts about something and brushing off your questions as silly, it could be that funny feeling we get under our skin when something isn't right. The book is loaded with anecdotes of women in different situations that have been trouble, how they got out, how they prevented it from going further or just not even going there. It's a must read for ALL women and girls. I feel it's something we really have to be careful of when on online dating sites. There are predators out there.
DF - That guy was an idiot. Ugh, I hate men like that. Fine you like what you like but most of them that I've seen on those online dating sites want a Jennifer Aniston or Jessica Alba when they look like George Costanza! lol Good like with that, Costanza's of the world!
Have you ladies check out a site called MeetUp? Most cities have one. There are tons of groups on there that you can join. Any kind of group. Before all this cancer stuff, I was members of active groups like hiking and volleyball. I think I'm going to go that route again. I've had my fill of dating sites. To me those sites are like online singles bar where a guy can order up whatever he's feeling like that particular day. You never know who you'll meet by expanding your friend circles and there is no pressure, just people who like what you like! Plus...making new friends opens you up to potential dating pools from people they know!
Michelle
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I think I am falling in love with my guy! Yikes! xo
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Love my family - How long have you been dating - love is great - I tend to fall fast and hard....
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Just wanted to add that when it rains it pours... I have two dates this week (one from match and the other a brother of a friend) and another guy interested (friend of my employee)... Funny how stuff like this works.
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