Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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I met someone on ChristianMingle in October. We emailed, IM'd and then talked on the phone. We hit it off really well and I told him about the BC before we met for the first time. It didn't faze him in the least. He wanted us to get married on my birthday.
Unfortunately I just wasn't attracted to him physically but we stayed friends until he kept continuing to try and push me into having chemotherapy and taking Femara, both which I refused to do. I
We didn't have sex and I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about a man seeing me right now. I got my exchange surgery Friday but still no areolas or nipples.
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Molly, you need to stay away from articles like that and just use good, old-fashioned common sense and your gut instincts. Reading articles about rapists and predators is just going to make you leary of all men. Be careful, but realize that not all men are like that.
Sorry, I know that isn't much help, but I know you are a really bright woman and I just want you to keep an open mind and not become too fearful, you know?
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Thanks Fearless and everyone for your support. I actually was on the site reading about narcissistic men (still trying to recover from prev. relationship) and accidentally ran across it. i am going to get the book mentioned above my mrochon - Thanks! - and another from Amazon.
I just don't think I'm ready to date yet. I kind of like my life the way it is. I'm just not used to being without a partner, is all. I am trying to get better at recognizing those warnings, red flags and sirens and pay attention to them, or heeding my own intuition as it were. Still question my own judgment too much. I like that whole intuition idea. The term red flag describes an isolated statement/incident. Whereas intuition can provide a persistent, kind of background hum, a sense that underneath something is not right. A gut feeling, as it were.
kward - it sounds like you're having fun. Good for you.
Kiley - I was the strong one in my marriage too and the one who did most of the housework, bills, childcare, etc. while I also did volunteer work, worked outside the home and managed everyone, including my ex-H. Don't think I could do that again. Too exhausting!!
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mybee - I read the book years ago when my girls were little. It really opened my eyes to situations that happened to me that I wasn't aware of at the time! It just makes your realize that you are smarter than you think and to trust your 'gut' instincts. I find, for me, that it has helped me in my life decisions not just in the dating world.
Michelle :-)
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Funny story...Ed and I have a date tomorrow
Text from Ed " Do you have any tatoos?"
Me: "yes six of them" (from radiation)
Him :"really?"
Me: "yup and another scheduled next week..." (I'm getting my nipple tat done)
I them had to call him to explain - it went well. I know everyone is different on "when to tell" but I usually bring it up when I can blend it into the conversation.
Karyn
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Glad he received the news well. Good start.
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Karyn, how do you have so much time to date, lol! I have been reading your posts and I can't keep up with the number of dates you have had :-) I know it is just a matter of time until you meet your perfect match...
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Fearless -
I work 8-5 M-Th - off Friday Sat and Sundays.... I also do not have any kids I need to take care of.
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Yeah that makes a huge difference right there. I don't have time typically to date. I have my daughter during the week, and then 2 weekends she's at her Dads, but those weekends I'm usually out of town. So it's hard, I just have a tough time staying motivated in the great search.
For those of you that asked, we adopted a pure bred 6 month old boxer puppy! He is so well behaved, and trained on most commands and potty trained etc...
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He is an adorable puppy. Have he and your daughter bonded? Love his name -- Zorro!!
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Bonded like you wouldn't believe, they are the best of friends!!!
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Awwww, he is sooo cute ! kiley
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HE IS PRECIOUS DF!!!!!
Mybee, our instincs (sp) are so there, our gut feelings, so there, but alot of tmes we just don't go with them. I KNOW there have been so many times I have ignored them!! I am sooooo learning to trust them alot more now. I don't wanna keep going the way I have with men in the past......I ignored way too much.
Seen Jim the other night, it was great! We have such fun together and laugh with each other so much! I am just trying not to put my heart into it too soon, trying to be just friends first and see where it goes. We did have another discussion about him going on the dating site. He is very country boy and is such a sweet heart. HE said the only time he goes on there is when a woman emails HIM and he tells them he is dating someone else. He said he felt like it would be rude to just not say anythingl Well the discussion kept going and his room mate came in. He talked to me for awhile about some of the dates Jim has had over the last two years, and he even told him just don't delete your account until you are sure it will work out. And Greg's girlfriend agreed with me......you can keep your account up, you don't need to delete it, but don't have to answer emails even. and when we decide to be more than just friends then please delete it and I will delete mine too. I just have mine hid also, I haven't deleted it and was up front with him too. I have had too many ......no goes!! hehee So we are talking more and more..which is helping me.AND I am so not sure of what is going to happen to me yet........I don't know if I even would want to date someone if things go wrong and I have to have surgery for bc again...... so It is kinda ok now with me .....just that he doesn't delete his account that is.........
He says he will be there for me......but I am so untrusting right now....I don't believe much any more......guess we both have been burned a few too many times....and it does take time to trust!!!
Anyway, we are going to go out again tomorrow night. We did talk about spending more time together also, maybe that will help us both.
Good luck to y'all I go today to the bc specialist to find out what they will say so kinda nervous...
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kward - Cute story! What a great way to work that into a conversation! I would think it took the 'stigma' breast cancer can have when telling someone for the first time.
df - ADORABLE PUPPY!!!!
sunangel - He sounds like a very nice person. Keep on open mind and heart and go slow. Good luck!
Michelle
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4 dates lined up over the next 3 days - the odds are that I'll like at least one guy right???
2 guys from match, 2 via friends....3 dinner and 1 lunch date.
best of luck to all.
Karyn
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Karyn, that's the way to do it! That's what guys do....they line 'em up. We need to do that, too.
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Had a date with Ed last night. Nice guy, newly divorced, he was really nervous. I didn't feel any spark, he tried to kiss me when I left and I felt bad bc I pulled away. He also put me on the spot and asked if I would go out again - I didn't know what to say so I agreed. But I will let him know that although he's nice he is not the one for me. Funny stuff, he's living in the basement of his house while he gets his finances on track (basically renting from his ex wife)... He was very interested in what kind of house I owned and how big it was. Red flag for me....
Tonight I'm meeting Jeff who was introduced to me by a mutual friend. He's a firefighter.
Tomorrow Mike (lunch) and Steve P dinner...
Fearless - my brother in law says dating is a numbers game and you need to have volume...
Karyn
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I don't know why but Karyn reading your posts crack mr up. It's like your own speed dating mission!!
I don't even have time to squeeze in 1 date lately and honestly today, don't care I'm just too busy.0 -
DF, same here. Even if I met that many men, I would be too tired. Maybe I am getting old, but I am tired when I get home from work, and prefer to only go out on weekends.
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I agree about weekends, I prefer to do that as well and spend the week with my kid and household stuff. So that only leaves me 2 weekends a month.... Maybe I should put looking on the back burner... Tired is an understatement
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Karyn...I've had a similar experience with the pulling away from the kiss. Guess we know pretty quickly whether or not we want to be closer or not. It's almost an involuntary reaction. I'd be wary of a guy living in his ex-wife's basement. Especially if you are financially secure. Geez...this is hard. Hoping one of the others will light a spark with you.
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Most men are broke after a recent divorce. That's just the way it is. That in and of itself would not bother me, but asking how big my house was, and if I owned it would - red flag, I agree.
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So I think Ed got the hint - only heard from him a little today. Off to meet Jeff, a firefighter, recently divorced - I'll be his first date.... We got introduced my friends. Thanks for everyone's suggestions and advice... I have the time bc I don't have kids and work 4 days a week. So I can go out on thursdays and not have to worry about work the next day. My house does get messy and the laundry piles up just like the rest of us. I manage to get that stuff done on my day off or on the weekend.
My friends tell me I should write a book about my dating experiences. Maybe 15 first dates since march...3 I really liked...
Karyn
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I don't know, maybe you should try to find out a bit more about them before going out. 3 out of 15 doesn't sound so good.
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Maybe it come down to priorities? For me it's not to set a record of the most 1st dates in a year. It's to raise my daughter and maybe some day along the way find a good man. I'll look and go on occasional dates but I like to also take time to get to know the person first. Who knows, different things work for different people.... We're all still single for the most part do obviously none of our ways are working
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I think it's a combination of things - time, energy, priority, demographics, etc. But DF, what you say does make perfect sense. For me, it's about lack of opportunity - I'm just not someone who guys hit on much. I also don't feel at my best right now, and I think it's important to feel good about yourself if you want to start dating.
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Well, guys don't "hit" on me either. I think that mostly goes away by the time you reach 50??? Aghh..and I'm over 60 now!
In regard to the online dating, I think the guys want to go out pretty fast to see if there might be a connection. I can't tell much by e-mail, text, or sometimes even phone either. I'm meeting David for a drink tomorrow night, and am hopeful that we'll click. Really had a lot to talk about on the phone and a friend/acquaintance in common. I try to contain my hopefulness, because so often it doesn't work out...chemistry isn't there, can't carry on a conversation, financially unstable, or emotionally unstable. I keep trying but sometimes I wonder why.
Karyn - good luck with Jeff. Keep us posted!
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Twoputter, I understand. It is hard to get to know someone without dating them, of course. I just meant perhaps try and gain some basics - don't just go out with anyone who asks you. That's all I meant. When I did on-line dating, I met a lot of men in their 50's who lived at home. It was a question I got out of the way before meeting with them since that was a dealbreaker for me.
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Do you mean they lived with their parents? That would be yukky. I do rule out the guys that sound weird on the phone; maybe 1/3. One guy was a "know it all" and fortunately I could tell that over the phone. A horrible waste of ten minutes of my time! Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have the "chemistry" again. I'm on arimidex and I think it drains all of the estrogen out of my body.
Connie
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Connie, yeah, the ones that lived with their parents. But for the most part, I try to overlook certain things because I know everyone is a bit nervous when meeting someone new - they may talk too much or be fidgety, etc.
Don't worry - I am sure you will have chemistry again. You will click with someone and you will feel excited again :-)
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