OMG They Found the Cure for Stupid
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OK, so a probation officer (no, not my probation officer) told me that CoQ10 cured her of breast cancer last year and the teller at the bank told me that I need to buy alkaline water at the health food store to cure my cancer. Can you smoke CoQ10? Maybe the distilled water in our recipe should be replaced with alkaline water? Or maybe I was supposed to bathe with it to wash the asparagus out of my bra?
I should be upset by all of the things that I did wrong, although I really did try to follow the recipe, but I am waayyy too mellow for that. Hey, ya'll pass the grass this way again!
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No, no, no ... it's not distilled water, or alkaline water, it MUST be oxygenated water!
I'm having trouble lighting up my asparagus.
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You are trying to light the wrong end Dawn..hehe
What IS alkaline water?
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Okay..looked it up..everything you really probably didn't want to know about "alkaline water" in the link below. Says you get the same effect by adding alka seltzer to water..so we'll just throw a little alka seltzer into the cure pot.
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Oh..now I have to oxygenate the water. Hmm...it says on the internet I can just put water in a blender..problem solved.
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Do I have this straight? If my b/f eats a banana every day, it will cure his erectile dysfunction caused by his prostate cancer?
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OMG!! I have been laughing so hard i snorted and woke my husband up he said what are you laughing about, i said just somthing funny i read, he said well IM NOT Happy, and i said "Well, which one are you then" Now hes really pissed.ha!
But i have to tell you all you have it all backwards, Heres what you are really suppose to be doing, this really works so listen up- Put an asperagus spear in each ear a clove of garlic in each nostrol, stand on the RIGHT foot not the left, point West cut a lemon in half and cover both eyes put a lit joint up your rear, then finally, you put the whole roll of bounty between your legs bend over and waddle like a duck! See, arnt ya glad i showed up when i did.
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Wow this must be the place..LOL..I woke up feeling down (no real reason) and sat down to my puter and come to find that you all have a cure too. But I need to tell u that I was sent the cure last week by a well meaning "associate" who said he didnt want to keep it all to himself and was passing it out to those he cared about most.
I will now share the cure...u mix 1/2 cup cottage cheese and 3 tablespoons flax in blender as to assure all nutrition is broke down, then u add 1 teaspoon of lemon juice and the juice out of a can of beets. Place this in the fridge for at least 15 minutes so all the ingredients absorb into eachother.Drink it down fast and do not eat anything else for 2 hours and stop taking all ur drugs cause this is so potent that it may cause drug interactions. He also said I will be cured on his recipe alone so I cant wait to tell my onc and get my bloodwork back that says my tumor markers are almost non existent. He said that my onc's mouth will fall open in shock and beg me for his recipe but that I should not tell her cause she will try to convince me that I can only be cured with drugs and that my onc will lose her status as a doc if she lets on that she knows this is the cure. And we dont want those oncologists losing their high paying jobs since they spend alot of money in our community.....I am not kidding..this was actually written on a piece of paper and sent to me thru a friend.
Now I'm thinking we could easily add asparagus and why not the banana also. I'm stage 4 and maybe I should just throw it all in to be sure I'm cured. So lets all keep this just between us so our fine city doesnt go bankrupt from the oncs and pharmacies not making enuff money. I cant wait to knock the dust off my blender and start curing myself. LOLOL. How will I ever get back to sleep after laffing so hard I nearly peed myself LOL HUgs, Mazy
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I guess now I need to add cottage cheese and beet juice to my grocery list. The list just keeps getting longer...
debbie....I had a "choke on my coffee" moment reading your post! My guess would be "grumpy"!
I have an appt. with my onc this afternoon...didn't realize it would be my last since we have now found the cure and I won't be needing her services anymore! Thanks guys!!
Maybe to celebrate I'll take her a joint and some lemon drops...can't be too safe, she does hang around with a lot of cancer patients, better to pretreat, wouldn't want her to catch it.0 -
Cake can't be the antidote for bread poisoning....It has SUGAR! Don't you guys remember that sugar feeds cancer!!!! And no plastic containers. Cut back on the weed, I'm choking here.0
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- What temp is the coffee for the enema?
- Do you have to inhale?
- I am developing a bra/foobies made from woven asparagus stuffed with pot. You pour hot coffee over it every so often so the steam wafts to your nostrils. I plan on selling it for an even 1k each. The question is...How many can I sign you up for?
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I plan on having one of the "candles" going at all times to light up with. No lights or matches of any sort for me. I'll run two sticks together to light the candle. Don't want to take chances here.
Juli, if the banana to be eaten or used as a prosthesis?
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Put me down for 2 Meece!
I think there needs to be a disclaimer for this thread - "before reading this thread, buy a roll of bounty and sit on it while reading" (got to soak up the pee from the laughter somehow!)
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Both - better safe than sorry. 0
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Does the cure for BC cause incontinence or is it the cure for stupid?
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Uh oh. We're in big trouble now. An 18 wheeler full of Bounty was stolen last night at NM truck stop. Dog, the "bounty" hunter, is hot on the case. Walmart predicts shortages.
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It must have been "them", "they" just don't want us to have a cure!0
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Meantime... boxes of brownie mix are flying off the shelves. More news following...
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I never got the email about asparagus, but I did get all the info about the cottage cheese and flax, lemons, etc etc...
This is so funny!
Thanks for making me laugh! 0 -
Oh crap...thanks for the updated Cure Recipe, Emily...I was missing some ingredients so since the MN lead didn't pan out, I am headed back home - I don't think I want to spend 4 days in the Valley of the Jolly Green Giant - imagine the maid service walking in on administering the Cure - the little guys in the white coats would be coming for me and fit me into a straight-jacket in no time - then OMG...the padded cell would be filled with the stuff after the mandatory 'cavity search'. I sure am glad I popped on here before I started...
Meece...the Bounty is for the after the smoking and reading this thread - if you are laughing so hard there is no holding it in!
Thanks Janet...I am sooooo glad we finally got a hound 'Dog' on the case....whew! He should be able to sniff our Cancer Cure Guy out of the sweat lodge...Dog does know CPR right?
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I got to thinking if They don't want us to have a cure, why can you get a Rx for pot? Perhaps it isn't the cure, but just lets you enjoy all the other stupid stuff.0
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MAZY1959 .... do you have the CURE GUY??? If you could upload a picture of your well-intending associate ... we have a very serious man hunt going on here ... if he has pink lipstick on, tackle him and hog tie him immediately!! Lowrider will pack up and be at your door in hours!
Lowrider - are ya up for another trip? mmmm...trip.....puff puff puff ... passing ...
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Meece: I will take a couple, too!
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Sure FL, I am always up for a road trip - will I be meeting up with Dog? Always wanted to be a part of his crew sometime...
Edited to add - Always wanted to meet Mazy too - I'm...*cough*...up for it!
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Yeah - I think we can arrange a meeting with Dog! We can always bribe him with the brownies ... You know somebody on that crew has to enjoy a little cure every now and then!0
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I found out how to remove asparagus stains from bras - soak in cold water & rub gently with detergent. Oh wait.
Detergent causes cancer. Nevermind. Just rub with Bounty. 0 -
Dog rules!
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Dang....I think looking at him scared the cancer right outta me!!!
Puff puff ... no, wait....puff puff...he's kinda cute....
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thefuzzylemon: LOL!!!
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