OMG They Found the Cure for Stupid
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Emily, I understood what you were trying to say - I think most women on this thread understand that "healthy living" helps fight cancer; but nobody really knows the cure yet. FYI I do have the 1771 Encyclopedia Britannica - 3 vols., and what it has to say about breast cancer is interesting to say the least and certainly made me glad to live in the here and now.
They used to put stickon tiny bb's on me when getting a mammogram, to identify the scars from previous biopsies. Once we forgot to take one off, and DH saw it later, and, amazed, he asked "is that how far they squish'em?" I of course said "Yes!"
Bagawk!!
ps: I love asparagus!
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Lost Creek..ohhhhhhhhh.would love to know what they said about breast cancer in 1771..I am such a history buff!
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good one newme!
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*L* Too funny....love the Ativan one especially...
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Ok, this is sick BUT it made me laugh!
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It's ask, not aks.......this is an axe
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Sandy...totally twisted but I loved it!!! HAHAHAAA!! I might have to post that one at my desk at work!
cluckin and passin
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CONGRAT'S EVERYONE!!!
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Dear Tide:
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsidera te and uncaring husba nd started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great prod uct.
Well, gotta go, have to w rite to the Hefty ba g people.0 -
Makraz, That letter made my day. Thanks for the big chuckle (I mean cluckle)
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I'm sure most of you have already seen this one, but it is one of my favorites and I wanted to share it with those cluckers who have not seen it.
Puff, puff, pass.......
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to an American company, Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jenifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man!
If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull shit. And that' s a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
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yes yes yes!!! i absolutely love the letter, and the lobsters with the baby, and everything from pages 76-80 ( uh.i kinda forgot in detail what's what on previous pages, damn you chemo brain!)
fuzzy working on a new brownie recipe, may include asparagus! lol
makraz and mindovermatter, you keep the laughs going for sure!!!
i'm sitting here laughing while i was cathcing up on previous pages, and my husband keeps coming in here and asking "what is so damn funny?" i said "lobsters boiling babies!" and kept laughing,,, he kinda laughed too.... then left me to my sistas!!! i mean chicks!!!!
BAWGAWWWWWKKKK!-- WITH LOVE- ANGEL
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*laughing through every page*
My favourite all time "letter" is the WC one ( water closet). I'm guessing everyone knows that one?
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The Water Closet
A English lady visited Switzerland and
was having difficulty finding a room, so she
asked the local schoolmaster to help her. After
a satisfactory room had been found, she returned
to her home and did some packing. Suddenly, it
occured to her that she hadn't noticed a W.C.,
(In England, the toilet is called a Water Closet)
so she wrote the schoolmaster about the W.C. The
Schoolmaster not knowing the meaning, asked the
parish priest and together they decided that it
must mean "Wayside Chapel". He wrote her the
following letter:
Dear Madame,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house.
It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room.
This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.
It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC, as it was there, that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces.
My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend you plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all, since many feel it is long needed.
I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,The Schoolmaster
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Too cluckin funny:
http://www.nola.com/pets/index.ssf/2011/04/feral_chickens_have_proliferat/2540/comments-8.html
Feral chickens have proliferated in New Orleans since Hurricane Katrina
Published: Monday, April 11, 2011, 8:00 AM Updated: Monday, April 11, 2011, 10:34 AM
Katy Reckdahl, The Times-Picayune By Katy Reckdahl, The Times-Picayune NOLA.comSince Hurricane Katrina, Ruby Melton's 9th Ward enclave has welcomed a new species of neighbor: clucking, crowing, prancing chickens that dart across streets and nest in the trees.
Chickens of New Orleans Chickens of New Orleans Wild chickens roam the streets of many downtown New Orleans neighborhoods. Watch video"We don't have stray dogs any more," said Melton, 68. "But everyone I talk to has stray chickens."
Most people figure that the wild birds descended from domesticated fowl that escaped backyard coops after the storm. Since then, the population has boomed, with the local SPCA chapter now dispatching officers weekly to catch feral chickens, spokeswoman Katherine LeBlanc said.
Most calls hinge on neighbors' irritation with ear-piercing squawks, she said, rather than complaints about chicken droppings or attacks on pets or children. The birds don't appear to be fugitives from the growing number of New Orleans homesteaders who raise chickens for eggs and meat.
Animal control officers place the stray chickens with a farmer they call the Chicken Man, LeBlanc said, noting that capturing the creatures is "extremely hard" and often requires the effort of several officers.
Helpful hints* Our best chicken recipes
* N.O. best fried chickenThe job hasn't proved as vexing for a band of swift, persevering kids who have invested countless hours stalking and nabbing the feathered bandits, said Ed Buckner, director of the Porch, a cultural organization in the 7th Ward. When Buckner a few years ago started a Mardi Gras Indian tribe for youth at the Porch, he wanted to call it "Akanka," after the Choctaw word for chicken.
"Until they started sewing, these boys were running around chasing chickens all day," Buckner said.
The boys opted to call their tribe the Red Flame Hunters, which they thought sounded cooler. But they admitted to a knack for capturing chickens that roost in nearby trees. They sneak up and grab the birds over their wings, and they try to avoid the roosters' spurs, which can tear deeply into flesh, said Nas Jackson, 12.
Several 7th Ward chickens commute between two empty lots on opposite sides of Touro Street. Cynthia Stampley, who has lived on the block for 30 years, said that until Katrina, she'd never seen such a proliferation of wild chickens.
Other cities have waged high-profile battles with chickens. After neighbors complained last year, animal-control workers in the Bronx removed 35 chickens that were "believed to be the city's largest brood of wild chickens," according to a newspaper report.
Feral ChickensMichael DeMocker, The Times-Picayune archiveThese chickens on France Street were photographed in February 2010.Philadelphia, Miami and Phoenix also have also had dustups over the birds. A few years ago, Key West, Fla., hired a municipal chicken wrangler to keep its bird populations under control.
In New Orleans, neighbors in the 7th, 8th or 9th wards seem fond of the chickens, despite a few gripes.
Hens protective of their chicks recently lunged at Brenda Stewart's Shih Tzu puppy, which is now terrified of them, she said. After moving into a new apartment after Katrina, Ruby Melton's son, Doyle, discovered a crowing rooster living in a tree on the lot.
"At 5:30 in the morning, that's an annoying sound," he said. "But other than that, they don't bother me."
"I love 'em, me," said Mattie Smith, who sees the chickens every morning as she putters in her garden on Gallier Street in the Upper 9th Ward.
Residents keep tally of the flocks. There are three hens, one rooster, plus chicks on Touro Street. Three roosters and five hens live near Bunny Friend Playground, which also had been home to about seven little chicks until most were nabbed by a large chicken hawk, Doyle Melton said.
Postman Everett Young said he sees chickens every day on his route. Before Katrina, Young only encountered the animals across the Industrial Canal in the Lower 9th Ward, he said.
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I'm crying from laughing so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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