Any 40-ish survivors?
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Oh, sweety! I just want to give you a great big hug. That poor soul. I hope he has peace now, seriously. I think, when something like this happens, about how alone he must have felt. I'm so, so sorry.
I had a similar experience. I did share my favorite memory with the parents, and later I was told by a friend of the family that they cherished that memory, as it was another part of their son they didn't know, but were happy to learn about. How terrible. Anything you can do to bring them comfort may help them.
I've been away for a 3day mega Jewish holiday, and I must have gained 15 lbs! It was just a complete food orgy. I'm glad we walk to synagogue, because my body needed that two mile treck!
Anyone find Pinktober as offensive as i do? I'm almost disgusted by it. Feelings?
Burley, you hug your kids tight tonight. Mine is sleeping, but I'm going in to give him a hug. Be well.0 -
Burley, what an awful thing to have happen, what a sad situation. Sending you big hugs. Sending a note would be nice of you and probably a comfort for all of you, It's difficult when something comes along that you just can't let go of. Maybe it's bringing up some issues that you didn't even know you had not dealt with, maybe it's because it does hit so close to home or maybe it just reaffirms how random life events can be for the good or the bad. Hang in there your urgency for closure will pass and hopefully you will be able to find some peace in it for yourself.
Pintober sucks. Tired of pink already. Always hated the color before all of this.
I have to be at the hospital 9:30 for surgery at 11:00am Mon. Told surgery will last 3-5 hours. Kinda glad it's a little later in the morning, want to be able to take kids to school myself.
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Oh, Burley. I'm so sorry. First, I would send the memory with the sympathy card. I know when someone passes that I know I always try to do that--it is wonderful to hear things you didn't know about someone you loved and lost. Second, maybe your friend just wanted to make sure you weren't sounding as if you needed comfort from the parents. Of course that would never be your intention! I can't imagine why hearing that memory wouldn't be a great thing.
Finally, I'm SO sorry for YOU. I know there are others closer to this poor boy, but you are feeling real feelings of loss and profound inability to DO and help and it's just awful to think that someone was hurting so much so nearby and we didn't know and couldn't help. It's okay that you are feeling this loss too.
I'm thinking of you and your son and that poor boy's family. I'll hug my son tomorrow a touch tighter.
Love to you.
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Oh Burley - every mothers nightmare and when it is someone close to you/your child it can really hit close to home and bring up fears...I think a card with a special memory of the young man would be comforting to the family...sending you (((((Hugs)))))
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Kim,
So sorry for this loss. I think the other ladies have said what I would have shared. Everyone feels a loss in their own way. Like we have said here with cancer...some folks avoid and that is their way of coping... others reach out...I really think the family would love to hear kind words from you.
Thinking of you and your family
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Eema,
Almost forgot....I don't know how to feel about October/Pink. It does not bother me. The big Komen walk will take place next week and the grocery will be stocked with the pink yogurt and so on. I guess in some ways I am glad so much funding is out there...( I think ) I hope more women think about taking care of themselves because of the Pinktober thing. Sometimes for me my brain does not think as deeply as it did in the past. Do you ever feel as though you just kinda trudge along one foot in front of the other....I'm like a zombie sometimes. Not sure if this is just me. I find myself struggling to make a decision about what kind of butter to buy. I will stand in the store with butter in both hands trying to decide which one is better for me...so not often do I tackle big things. So glad I am not responsible for any big decisions..
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Kmur,
I am here with you on the zombie feeling. My onc has allowed me to work just part-time at least until 2012 as my profession requires decision making and quick processing of information. I have been fortunate to have a disabiltiy policy that will pay me even to work part time and agrees with him. Some days are better than others. I can usually gear up to work 4-5 hours, then I am mentally beat. I have learned to let things that are less important go. Continuing to struggle for a balance of taking care of myself, family and work.
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Christine,
I am sorry you have this issue too. So good though you are able to get back to it slowly. I guess I am fortunate that I do not have any real "important" decisions to make...it is hard to say how long it would take for me to make a tough decision. i am trying to do more things to use my brain. When I worked I also had to make a decision (seems) every minute very quickly too and also juggle many tasks and people all at the same time. I sometimes think that would be good for me to make my brain work again. I can't remember how far out you are from last chemo..I was 1 year out in Sept. My thinking has become better ...I hope it will continue this way. I wonder if estrogen has an impact on brain function?? I am in chemopause and ER blockers.
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Estrogen definately enhances you ability to think and concentrate. It was one of the pluses my bio-identical hormones were making before I had to stop.
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kmur-I've really felt the "chemo-brain' thing. I've been a nurse for years and have always prided mysbeelf on being quick with my decisions and actions. Have been off work since May because the my continued neutropenic status throughout chem and then restrictions from surgeries. Hoping to get back into the OR mid Nov and am starting to get alittle nervious about how quick my decisons and actions will be and because their are alot of times an immedicate decision will mean life or death for a patient. The one positive to all this is that I don't seem to get anxious about the everyday or surprised stressers that come with life. My van completely died on the interstate last week (fuel pump). Happened in a construction area so when it died, it completely blocked the one lane open. Normally this would have stressed me out to no end, but it didn't. Just got the kids out of the car to the median so if someone came in and plowed into the van we would be safe and waited for the cops and tow truck to show up. My oldest (10) asked me, "what if my friends drive by and see up?" I just looked at him and said, "Just smile and wave Donovan, smile and wave". So there we stood on the side of the road, smiling and waving-we all cracked ourselves up. Thats the part of the sluge brain I hope to hang onto, but hoping the sharp decison making abilities come back.
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Dawn--"smile and wave" I love it. Tomorrow is your big day? I will be thinking of you.
Kim- I am 5 months post chemo. I do feel abit better everyday. We all expect so much from ourselves.
I am going to a dinner tonight, need to decide what I am going to wear. Need to hide my tummy and breast binders, not to mention the 1 cm plastic caps over my nips. Thinking I am going to just wear spanx on tummy and not big binder and try old big sports bra instead of pink velcro stretchy binder. Dark colors and a sweater.
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christine47-thanks and have a fab dinner. Whatever you wear, bet you'll look beautiful
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Dixiebell...i thought estrogen did something like that for our bodies...thought I heard that. Need to google it...
Christine...you are right...I think it is that expectation to be as we were. Have a great time and I'm sure you will look just great.
survivor....very good way to look at your troubles...I'm gonna smile and wave more often!!
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I wish I could wear spanx! I had such a clothing crisis this weekend. It is our New Year and we are supposed to get dressed up in our finest, get new things, etc., and I couldn't get the panty hose on without hurting me! I had to wear my "fat" skirts because the hose always sucks in the fat. I'm about 5 lbs. heavier than i was before my surgery, and it is in all the wrong places! We have a month more of celebrations to go, so I'd better shut my pie hole and start walking before I have to roll out the maternity clothe so I have something to wear!
Tomorrow I go to the PS. Im going to get on his surgery schedule...women in my BC workout class say they can tell one is bigger than the other, and misplaced! How can I go back to work with one boobie up and one boobie down???0 -
Back from my dinner, and I think I disguised all of my post surgical dressings, nipple covers, etc well. My nipple sheilds are sewn on and stick out about 1 cm! It is going to be a long week and I don't go back to PS until next monday, he is out of town this week on thursday and friday. If I had know I would have an extra weekend with these plastic caps I would have picked another surgical date.
Eema, you poor dear! Call that PS tomorrow! Those boobies need to get together. I have been exercising with a group of BC ladies, we are forever comparing our work. None of my nonBC friends want to see, feel or be honest. LOL. I can not remember the last time I wore panty hose.
As Dawn would advise, just smile and wave!
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Going to be, smiling and waving tom as they wheel me into the OR, Lol.
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Hi to Everyone,
Eema...good luck today with your PS. I know you will get the results you want in the end but man....would be nice to bypass the misplacement situation. I have not worn pantyhose in a long time....yuck...they make all my fat squeeze out the top ( there's a pretty picture) I do hope you get some answers today. Happy New Year!!
Christine...glad you had a good dinner and hid all of your hardware. I didn't have the plastic caps. She made shields using large cotton balls and then lots of tape. Maybe you could find some kind of cammy or something like that to wear each day under clothing?? I don't know why I'm telling you that ....I'm sure you have thought of what to do...I will see my PS on Friday.
Miss Dawn...good luck with surgery today. Thinking of you. I have this vision of you waving and smiling.
KiwiMum...I forgot to say earlier....the farmers market sounds wonderful. I hope the girls enjoyed it and I hope you are well and ready to tackle that last chemo. Thinking of you also
Enjoy the day
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Hope everyone had a good monday!
KiwiMum, last chemo done??
Dawn, home from surgery today, and I hope doing well. Just smile and wave maybe my new motto. I can see you in your hospital gown and cap, smiling and waving.
Eema, hope you got into the PS today. Let us know how you are doing.
Kmur- so your back to PS on friday. Do you think you will need anything more done? Keep in mind you are my test patient. I wore my binder, then cami and loose shirt today and still looked like I must be stuffing a bra. The binder really feels like it is putting a great deal of pressure on my plastic caps. I went topless for a few hours today while I took a nap and everyone was out of the house.
Kim- hope you are feeling better this week, I have been thinking about you and hoping your pain from the loss of your son's friend is lessening.
Betsy-- How are you doing? On track for your next stage of surgery? Hope things with being back to work are good.
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Christine... Thanks for asking... Doing well... but very tired . Started back at work last week, then went to CT for my 30th HS reunion, so very busy and late nights... and now a full week of work (maybe Wednesday off)...Surgery is about 5 weeks away (Nov 14)... have my plane tickets and ready to go.
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Hi Everyone,
Kim...I have been thinking of you also...I hope you are doing well under the circumstances..
Betsy....Glad you are on track with your next surgery. Take care of yourself with work and all.
Christine....Glad you were able to hide everything. Not sure ...I think everything looks good as it is..we'll see what she says. I'll let you know. How are you doing with soreness?
Eema...how did you do today?
Where is momachick??
Good night everyone...
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Hi girls-thank you so much for the kind words. It really has helped to have someone acknowledge that I'm grieving too even though it wasn't my son.
I sent them a sympathy card with my cute memory of him today. I'm still in disbelief, as are many parents in the troop. We hope to find out from his parents if he left a note, or if they have any idea why it happened. There are so many of us that need closure. I have been hugging my big 16 year old twice a day and giving him a gigantic kiss on the cheek. And telling him how much I love him. He's probably thinking "ugh." I don't care.
Follow up with the onc today-forgot to get my bloodwork done last week but he was fine with it. Everything checked out OK-next appointment is in 4 months and a bone density scan.
I believe I may be the biggest zombie of all of us. I seriously feel like I have lost intelligence. And it definitely is getting worse since they took my ovaries out in February. Today I couldn't remember the combination lock for the back gate and had to call my husband at work. I had the right numbers but in the total wrong order. And this is the same code we use for the garage door and the alarm system. And part of the password for one of the computers. Meaning, it's something I use every day. I was pretty upset by that. I have sticky notes all over the counter and if they're "extra important" they go on my bathroom mirror or the coffee maker. I play scrabble and word games on my iPhone trying to retain some of my vocabulary. Ugh!
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook? I'm on there a couple of times a day-easy access on my phone. My name is Kim Melvin, and it's a picture of 3 of us with glowing glasses on our faces.
Have a wonderful evening ladies, and a great day tomorrow. Love to you all :-)
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I have finished chemo!! Hip hip hooray.
Rushing around cooking dinner but will post again later. I'm doing a happy dance.
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Kim - I'm a Facebook user. Would love to be friends. I'll send you a request.
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Hi to all,
Kim, it was good to see your post. I find it very difficult to wrap my brain around the loss of a young person. I'm so glad you sent that note as I think often people shy away when needed the most??? Hope that makes sense. Your memory issues are exactly the ones I have....I can remember a totally useless conversation I had 6 months ago..then struggle to remember someones name...or a street that I have traveled many times. Another thing would be directions....I will often forget how to get somewhere. Oh, and forget spelling!! Lol
I would love to have any of you girls be my friend on Facebook. I am Kim Muraski. I have pictures of the family and dogs etc. Would love to share that with any of you girls. I know you all had this group before I came in so I will have those of you who want to be friends send a request to me...in other words I won't send out a request but will happily approve all requests sent my way....I am really rambling now...I hope that made sense???? I don't want to be a bother to you that have been together so long????
I had my fourth SOS meeting and the ladies are so very nice. Went out for a burger after and really enjoyed it. We plan to continue our group after maybe once a month. Next week we get to do the look good feel better make up thing.
KiwiMum....Just a great BIG YIPPEEEEEE!! for you. How great is that....I really thought chemo was the hardest part of all the treatment so far. I don't know about everyone else...but I really began to feel more like myself a couple of weeks after chemo taste wise and so on. Just so very happy for you. Hope you are feeling better with the shingles and all.
I hope everyone is doing well today. Thinking of each of you.
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Hi Ladies!
Kiwimum, I'm SOOOO happy for you! I'm doing a happy dance sitting down! and Christine, i'm sorry, must be the drugs, but the image of the nipple shields has me laughing hysterically! I'm imagining a shield like the knights of the round table used--made of silver and hammered to fine perfection! LOL! I hope you see the humor in it and I'm not just a loon!
Who else? bdavis, remember to be nice to yourself and remember you don't have to do everything all at once! I'm telling me as well as you, but getting back to work feels nice, I'll bet!
Kim, I feel like if this was a real party, you'd be with me at the bar laughing hysterically at the image of silver nipple shields, especially since yours were only cotton! Am I sensing a little nipple shield envy? If you are sensing it from me, then yes:)!
So I saw the PS yesterday. I brought DH along with me because last time I felt like PS was getting a little too friendly with my misplaced boobies. Long story short, I'm scheduled for exchange Nov 15, after the hyst/oof. He had openings this Friday and the week after next, which would have been IDEAL had they not be on or near important Jewish holy days. I don't want to piss off G-d, especially after last year! I still haven't figured out if I was blessed by 'only' getting DCIS, or cursed by being given cancer AGAIN. I'm not taking any chances! I'll be in synagogue like a good girl and pray that my 6 year old stays in the Jr. Congregation without throwing books around the room or eating all the candy they give out as prizes for answering the question correctly so I can have a good long time with The Guy Upstairs.
So back to the PS meeting. He said, "Yeah, we CAN do better. But do you REALLY want to have surgery AGAIN?" Then he looks at DH and says, "I can see you're dancing with me." This is after DH and I had a long talk about how he HAS to be on my side in the dr office, even if he doesn't agree with me! I remained stoic-- get my fing t!ts out of my armpits and let me get on with my life! It's been all lovely in Cancerland, but I'm done playing here! The upsot of it all is I'm replacing these hamburger buns with silicone. I need a little squishiness in my life!
OK, girls, I haven't written in my blog since my surgery, and I'm feeling a post coming. Be well, all of you! You might think you are just one in a million, but to one, you are worth millions! xoxox
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Burley, I meant to give you a big hug! I hope the parents of that young man are doing OK, but really, how could they?
I thought about this boy and his family during our prayer services. Also you:). I know a lot of people don't roll that way, but it helps me get through the day, especially when something you cant understand happens... xoxox0 -
Eema...so happy you have the surgery on the books...I know really how many of us want to have surgery again BUT...in this case seriously...you should have the boobs you want Oh ...they should be in the right place too...kind of helps. I pray too Eema or talk really...he is probably so tired of hearing from me and I imagine I sound like Charlie Browns teacher...... Yes...I got cotton...maybe I will ask about that- see if I got jipped in the nipple guard area. Alls I got was cotton.... Your right though...I have this vision of all of us having a good hoo-hah about Madonna nipple guards and my Hillbilly cotton and when we draw too much attention to ourselves...Dawn would smile and wave....... Hope you are doing well Dawn... Hope you all don't mind the joking..really it is all kind of a pain in the keister...but having fun with it sometimes helps.
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Now I'm getting nipples FOR SURE! I want me some Madonna nipple guards! Sorry, Kim, the Hillbilly shields wont work for THIS city girl!
OK, now, honestly, If I told you when you were 18 that you'd be laughing with people you've never met about your breast cancer, would you have believed me?
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Oh My....first of all you are talking to a girl who grew up in the country and didn't have a school computer lab until 12th grade....the Internet didn't exist and I thought I was Teflon.. I didn't think anything could hurt me . I am amazed I'm still livin'....but I am so very thankful for the laughs and so on we can share. No.... I thought I would be a stoke girl or a heart attack girl for sure...I'm a worry wart....not breast cancer though.
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BTW... I was so totally thinking Madonna...can not remember what song ...do you remember that video with the point boob things???
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